The Golden Palace (1992) s01e16 Episode Script

Señor Stinky Learns Absolutely Nothing About Life

1 ooh-ooh-ooh thank you for bein' a friend travel down the road and back again your heart is true you're a pal and a confidante and if you threw a party invited everyone you knew you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say thank you for bein' a friend thank you for bein' a friend thank you for bein' a friend witt/thomas/harris productions, cbs television network, And 1992 nci caption club/ grantsmanship [gasps] I don't believe it.
The owner of the mecca hotel is suing us.
Well, we can't watch sophia 24 hours a day.
D that wet t-shirt contest Was open to the public.
No, no, it's not that.
He claims that part of our parking lot is on his property.
Now we're going to have to get a lawyer.
This could cost a fortune whether we win or lose.
Maybe we don't need a lawyer.
I'll have a meeting with this Mr.
Everything will be all right.
You think he'll drop his lawsuit? Honey, if my dress is cut low enough, I can get him to drop more than that.
All right, ladies.
Chalk up another volleyball victory For the golden palace.
Oh, who'd we beat today? We beat the carlisle.
Brad was on it.
No, no.
Well, yeah.
Brad, You didn't hurt that big, broad shoulder of yours again, Now, did you? No, blanche.
It's fine.
Well, come here.
No, it's--it's fine.
I'm not going to bite you.
Well, you did last time.
Oh, brad.
You really scare him, you know.
I'm just teasing him.
I don't mean anything by it.
I don't do anything to really scare him.
What about the time you showed him the attachments To your back massager? You're awfully quiet, chuy.
Didn't youou have a good game? Once again I didn't play.
I got to sit on the hot sand and burn my butt While roland and brad played the whole game.
It's because I kind of stink at volleyball, huh? No, this is a racial issue, man.
Of course it's 'cause you stink at volleyball.
We have two games left to win the championship.
I'm not going to change the lineup now.
As long as I'm the captain, brad is playing.
I want that trophy.
Well, maybe I can help.
I did play volleyball, you know, Back on the girls' high school team in st.
I mean, I was known as "jump up and down rose.
" That was your nickname? No, that's what they'd call out to me.
Boys can be so cruel.
Hey, roland, what time you want me at volleyball practice? What's so funny? You stink.
Yeah, what time Should we be there, roland? We? Didn't roland tell you? I'm on the team now.
Wait a minute.
I'm out all season waiting for a chance to play.
Rose comes along and tells one st.
Olaf story About jumping up and down, And she's in? No, chuy.
We went on the beach, And she showed me what she could do.
And she's good? Well, she's no chuy castillos.
So, yeah, she's good.
Well, you won't believe what happened to me today.
I was at a business meeting at the bank Trying to get our line of credit increased.
I'm sitting across the room From this mr.
Reynolds, A vice president, mind you, And he said the most upsetting thing to me.
Don't come back until you're wearing underwear? Sophia, I always go to meetings with men Dressed like this.
To me, it's just a great business tool.
You know, it gives me a leg up.
Just one? Well, I know it's not fair.
I mean, is it possible For any man to resist me When I look this way? Well, is it? It's hard for me.
- It's real hard.
So, anyway, I started coming on to mr.
Rey-- I don't mean exactly coming on to him.
I said one innocent thing, And he thought I was coming on to him.
What did you say? I'd like to put him in a hot tub And drink him like soup.
Blanche! Well, don't you get mad at me.
He threw me out of the office.
I guess he's just a guy who doesn't respond To a totally sexual human being.
Look, blanche, you came on to a man in a business situation.
Well, that's practically sexual harassment.
Yeah, but I'm not going to file any charges.
Blanche, You sexually harassed him.
And you made the hotel look bad.
I did? Look, things have changed since we bought this hotel.
You're not a social butterfly anymore.
You're a businesswoman.
And you behave differently in business deals.
Well, look what you do to brad, the pool guy.
But I'm just teasing him.
Well, Maybe you have a point.
I think of it as teasing.
How does it make him feel? Honestly? He feels that - he'll have to sleep with you To keep this job.
Really? He said that? Blanche.
Huh? Oh.
I'm doing it right now, aren't I? Oh, well, hey, what am I going to do? I have that meeting tomorrow With mr.
Gentry from the mecca.
My plan was to seduce him Out of those parking spots, But that's wrong, Right? Right.
Oh, boy.
I've done this all my life.
I'm really ashamed of myself.
Well, I--I guess I'll just have to change my ways.
And--and I will, too.
From now on, Blanche devereaux is a new person.
I will never again throw myself aany man I'm doing business with.
Well, there goes our free cable.
Here we go.
All right.
Side out.
That's o.
We'll get it back.
Come on, guys.
Get it back.
Come on.
Oh I thought you had it.
Oh, I thought you had it.
I'm sorry.
We'll get the next one.
Let's go.
I thought you had it.
I thought you had it.
Now I've had it.
One of you has to call for the ball So the other one knows who has it.
Oh, got you.
We'll call for the ball.
You got it! - You got it! Time-out.
, hey, Time-out.
Whoa! All right.
Huddle up.
You're out.
We're in.
All right.
Well 8-14.
Good shot.
Here you go, dave.
I got it.
I got it.
Ah, yes! All right.
Side out.
How's it going, brad? Here we go.
This is it.
I got it.
I got it.
Ahh! Yes! Game, baby! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! I can't believe it.
This is a waste.
I'm useless.
There's no reason for me even to be here.
Oh, not at all, chuy.
You were terrific.
I mean, you took a boring one-sided game And turned it into a real nail-biter.
All right, rose.
All right.
golden palace golden palace golden palace golden palace I'm ready for mr.
Who are you supposed to be-- Dr.
Quinn, medicine slut? From now on, I'm not going to let my sexuality Interfere in my business relationship With a man.
I just couldn't respect myself if I did.
I have changed.
From now on, I'm blanche devereaux, businesswoman.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for blanche devereaux.
I'm blanche devereaux.
I am, uh, lawrence gentry, And may I say What a pleasure it is To meet such a beautiful woman.
I'll, uh I'll be right back, Mr.
I just want to run, change into something Not so Hot.
Blanche, we can't let you do this.
Now, you seemed so determined to change your ways.
You're afraid to use your brain Instead of your body.
Now, don't be ridiculous.
Why should I use my brain When I can have these proud beauties stand up for me? I got news for you.
They're falling down on the job a little.
I always knew blanche acts the way she does 'cause she suffers from sturgeonyanken.
Now, do we have listen to this? I have to.
I can't run that fast anymore.
When I was young, Dr.
Sigmund sturgeon, St.
Olaf's most controversial psychologist, Was called in When all the girls in town became How can I put this? What the heck? We're all adults.
Became like you, blanche.
His theory was, If you pulled out a girl's front teeth, It made her less attractive.
That solved the promiscuous problem.
Keep your body out of it, and use your mind.
Is that really possible? You want to be a professional? O.
All right.
I'll try this.
That a girl, blanche.
But it feels very unnatural.
If it gets too tough, there is help.
As we say in st.
Olaf, "men don't chase toothless women.
" Well, not until last call.
So sorry for keeping you waiting.
I thought we'd just have our meeting right here.
Are you sure? Now that we've met, I'd much rather discuss business Tonight.
Maybe over dinner.
We're here to discuss business, And I prefer to keep it businesslike.
Dressed in that wild dr.
Quinn outfit, huh? I got to tell you something.
You are very sexy.
Why a man like you isn't running around in a loincloth I'll never know.
But, look It's very important to me That we keep things between us On a business level.
Fine, fine.
If that's the way you want it.
Please sit down.
Thank you.
Tea? Uh, yes.
One hump or two? I guess I can try two.
Now, what seems to be the problem with the parking lot? Well, as you know, Land down here is at a premium, And our hotels are so close.
I mean, we're so close We're practically on top of each other.
Sounds good to me.
We're here to talk about business, So here are some of my ideas about the parking places.
You, uh, You have those lunches for businessmen.
And you have fabulous eyes.
Which are undressing you right now.
No! No.
We've got to stop this.
Can't you just relate to me as a human being And not some fabulously luscious boy toy? But you are, blanche.
You are.
Maybe it's time to leave the business To those who can do it best, And you should concern yourself with What you do best, huh? No.
No, damn it.
Look When I bought this hotel, I did it as a challenge to myself.
This new way of doing business Is just another challenge.
Of course with a person like you, It may be the greatest challenge, but I can do it, Because I have to.
Will you please pay close attention, Beuse here's what we're going to do To solve the parking spaces problem.
You and I have very different clientele.
Oh, yes, we do.
So we're going to interface our computers And study the traffic flow, Determine who gets the spaces at peak occupancy, And then just Share them equally Without interfering with any of our guests.
Well, do you agree? Well, I underestimated you, ms.
That's a very impressive solution.
It's settled? And maybe, Once in a while, We could have lunch together Just to see how we're doing.
With business.
Oh, of course.
Well, I'd like that.
Well So Very nice doing business with you, mr.
It's very nice doing business with you, ms.
You know, you really do have A scintillating mind.
You are a fascinatingly Intelligent woman.
Thank you.
Oh, by the way, I do own a loincloth.
I had a hunch.
Oh, yes! Yeah! 14-14.
Hey, rose, Why aren't you dressed to play? Well, see, I kind of decided Cheering is what I do best, So I'll just be a cheerleader.
All right.
Your, uh, pompoms, madame.
Thank you.
It's wonderful knowing that at any age, Your life can have purpose.
go, team, go, team go, team, go Set.
Get it, brad.
You all right? Oh, man, it's my ankle.
he's hurt, he's hurt he's hurt, he's hurt she's nuts, she's nuts she's really, really nuts Easy, easy.
Be careful.
Rose, how do you feel? Not too bad.
How about yourself? No, I mean, do you think you're ready to play? Hey, don't do this, man.
Chuy, look-- Come on.
, you're in.
he's in, he's in he's in, he's in, he's in Got it! Got it.
Excuse me.
That's out.
All right.
Way to play, chuy.
One more point, we'll win.
What-- what are you doing? I want to talk to you.
Why are you hogging the ball? One more point, and we'll win.
I don't care.
I didn't want to tell you this, but When I was a kid, I never got chosen foteams.
We're back to you stinking again, aren't we? Yeah, we're back to me stinking.
I mean, the other kids used to call me Señor stinky.
And they said I lived at casa del stinky, And my bike was stinky's bike.
See what I'm getting at? Yeah.
Kids can really beat a good joke to death.
I was humiliated, man.
And I never wanted to go through that pain again.
And I thought as an adult, My friends would never put me through that pain.
You're doing it to me, So don't do it to me.
All right, champ.
Let's go.
All right.
Aw, they're keeping stinky in the game.
Side out.
we stink, we stink we stink, we-- Oh, I'm sorry.
Easy one.
What? Yes! That's game! What are you doing, chuy? Well, you distracted me.
You're going to blame this on me? You're unbelievable.
You really are señor stinky.
You're the worst, chuy.
[roland] oh, hey, chuy.
Hey, wait up, my man.
Hey, my main man.
My main, main, Main, main, main man.
Main Man.
You're never going to talk to me again, are you? All right.
I understand.
I just came here to apologize.
I thought about this last night.
I was trying to rationalize By telling myself that I always play to win, But I lost.
Don't remind me.
I'm not talking about the game.
I'm going to get over the game Someday.
Evidently I'm losing you.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
I will never humiliate you like that again.
Does this mean I get to play next year? No.
Good, man, 'cause that would be really humiliating.
Come on.
You see? Setting up those computers wasn't all that hard.
You were right again, blanche.
You know, your hands are smooth and soft As rich corinthian Well, let's just say they're soft.
Listen, now that our business is concluded, Perhaps we can open a new chapter in our relationship.
Well, I suppose that could work, As long as we can keep our professional relationship Separate from From our personal relationship? Yes, if we can do that, Why not open a new chapter? What do you say we start tonight? I say great.
Your hotel or mine? Mine.
They know me at yours.
Captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.
Copyright 1993 touchstone pictures and television Ha! I win, I win I win, I win, I win All right.
Good job, chuy.
Public performance of captions prohibited without permission of Now, let's try the next one without the blindfold.
no, no, no, no, no