The Great North (2021) s02e01 Episode Script

Brace-Off Adventure

1 - Look up there - What do you see? Nature and stuff - Like a rock - And a tree Oh, the Great North Way up here, you can breathe the air Catch some fish Or gaze at a bear Wow Oh, the Great North Here we live, oh, oh Here we'll stay, oh, whoo From longest night to longest day In the Great North.
Hello, I'm Judy Tobin.
And I'm going to tell you a story about a day.
You know when you have one of those really great days? - You look like you do.
- Please don't point at me.
One of those days when you get to the drive-through at 11:05 and they still sell you a hash brown.
Or when you fart but someone else farts louder and at the same time.
Do you guys need more examples? I wouldn't mind one or two more, honestly.
I just need you to understand, and I need you to understand in the form of a musical that's a tribute to many other musicals.
I have a big appointment This morning There's no way that I could feel low Because the place I'm excited to be going Is my absolute favorite place to go You're probably going, "Judy, where you going?" "Is it Bermuda or maybe Bora Bora?" No, the place that I am taking me Is what Paris wishes it could be And makes me feel like Mary Tyler Moore-ah And I'm throwing my hat in Whatever city she did that in Maybe it was Manhattan Hold on, I have to let my cat in I have a cat in this story, because I needed the rhyme.
Okay, stop don't show me your anus.
When I said my favorite place, what I meant is I'm headed to the dentist A toast to today 'cause I'm going to the dentist A toast to today Yes, the dentist is my friend-est Some toast you say? That sounds delightful I think I'm gonna have a bite-ful Of some toast for today Yep, I was thinking about the dentist.
But the rest of my family was thinking about what they always think about in the morning.
Some toast for today You can keep your eggs and bacon There's only one road that I'm takin' Eating un-toasted bread I'd rather be dead Some toast, some toast for today Hot damn.
Toast jam.
Hope Mrs.
Toastie is ready for a back-to-back morning.
She's never let us down since we rescued her ten years ago from the closing-down Olive Garden.
We chose her over the blender, and she's been so grateful.
- A toast to today - Some toast for today We love bagels, buns and strudels Some toast for today A day without toast is just brutal - A toast to today - Some toast for today I love toast and I mean this - Some toast for today - If I could, I'd toast my penis You shouldn't do that, son.
Some people put the dentist On top of their fears But I've been a dentist lover for years I've had retainer, spacers, headgear, now braces I go so much, the staff greets me with embraces Why make one piece of toast when you can make three? I must go floss to prepare for thee! - A toast to today - Some toast for today - Aah! - Mrs.
Toastie, no! - You're toasting yourself! - Save her, Dad! Save her! Let me do mouth-to-mouth on her slot.
Sweetie, no.
Attention, students What is it? What is it? I have a big announcement Forget about the test I have to take in a minute.
Or the fact that it's my birthday today and nobody remembered.
What's up with you, Judy? I'm so glad you asked.
I have a dentist appointment today! It's where I got my look - The key to my beauty - Look at those braces.
Braces, braces, braces, braces - Must be Judy - A toast to today Nothing's getting in my way Judy, big news.
Not now, Gill! This is my fantasy! - No, you're gonna want to hear this.
- Okay, one second.
A toast to today.
- What's up? - You know that open mic you're always talking about going to? - In Death Cliff? - What's Death Cliff? It's a town a ferry ride away.
It's just named that because, during the Gold Rush, they used the cliff for the death penalty.
But now it's full of hang gliders.
And they barely ever die.
Anyway, there's this really cool café there that has an over-21 open mic every Friday.
It's called The Dark Side of the Mug.
They have wine and CBD lattes.
My mom goes there to relax when her candles - "just aren't cutting it.
" - And on my 21st birthday, I intend to go there to perform a one-woman musical and have a glass of sauvignon blanc.
Judy, we're going this Friday.
The bouncer got bad LASIK surgery, so he's been letting everyone in because he's too embarrassed to admit he can't actually see the IDs.
Wait, so we're gonna sneak in? Oh, um, well, I wish I could, but even if I got in, there's no way they'd let me stay in.
I'd be kicked out 'cause of my braces.
They always give me away as too young.
Remember when I got turned away from that R-rated movie, Sex Vacation? Trust me, I am bummed to say this, I'm just devastated, but you'll have to go to the open mic without me.
Judy, if you just want to come over to my house instead, - we can play with my hamster.
- Gill, no! But - Peanut Butter's still alive? - He's 19.
So now you're thinking, "Wait.
"You just said you couldn't go to the open mic night.
So why are you here? At the open mic night?" Are we allowed to heckle yet? Well, I was about to meet someone who would change everything.
Graduation day is behind me I've leveled up in life I finished school There'll be no more teachers Naggin' me like a wife Yeah, you heard me right I don't have a wife yet, but if I did, she'd be very nice to me.
I am Dr.
Gary, and I'm no longer the apprentice Startin' today I make my own rules 'Cause I'm a licensed dentist No need to send reminders Come whenever feels right I'm not your typical dentist, I'm a freakin' delight The world is ready for a dentist who understands I've got my hands in your mouth And your mouth in my hands GIBBONS: Judy Tobin, your dad's here to pick you up.
- [students oohing.]
- It's time! Your teeth will think I'm cool Although they cannot say it I got a killer playlist You'll wanna sing when I play it It's got a Macklemore remix of "Gangnam Style.
" Oops! Oh, poop.
I don't think that's supposed to be happening.
How do I turn this thing off? Carol! Help? Oh, hello, Carol.
I trust I don't need to sign in.
Everybody has to sign in.
You know that, Judy.
Is my favorite dentist/ orthodontist/ very close female friend ready for me? She's actually out today, but her new partner is in.
Oh, hello.
I'm Judy.
I'm probably gonna be one of your favorite patients.
I actually like dentists.
My mouth is in your hands.
16 and you still got those braces on? Huh.
That must be a bummer.
Your mouth is in my hands And I'm a dental freak Well, this dentist's got great news I'll be taking your braces off - This week.
- What?! Yeah, that's right Dr.
Gary was gonna take my braces off.
Have you seen the movie Face/Off? Well, this rhymes with that.
This was Brace/Off.
Yes! My favorite kind of story is one that rhymes with another, unrelated story.
He'll be taking my braces off Might as well be taking my faces off They've always been my thing Like the hobbits and that ring Or Zach Braff's smile.
This is supposed to be a great moment I'll be new and improved So why am I the one feeling removed? - [meows.]
- [sighs.]
I'm so happy I have you in this story.
Can we cool it with the anus business? Come on.
A flop and a sigh.
What's going on, Jude? Ever since Dr.
Gary said I'm getting my braces off, - I've felt sad? - Well, you were always going to get them off eventually.
It's a part of growing up.
Like learning to shave your legs, and then not caring enough to do it.
But, Judy, once your teeth are out of those little wire jails, you can do anything.
The day after I got mine off, I went right over to the car dealership and, through a series of miscommunications, got trapped in a car trunk for three days.
I guess I better go look in the mirror and sigh a little bit more.
Good luck with your sighing, Judy.
Remember to breath from your diaphragm! Okay, now I know everyone's still devastated about Mrs.
But you know what they say about grief: just swallow your pain, try to forget about it, drink if you have to, then move on as quickly as possible.
So we went over to Junkyard Kyle's to find a replacement.
Meet Mr.
[all aahing.]
We don't deserve toasters.
Some toast for today Our old toaster is in heaven Some toast for today That's why we bought you, Kevin Wait, I thought his name was Mr.
Toastie? Yeah.
Kevin Toastie, Esq.
He's a butler and a lawyer.
Busy guy.
Some toast for today We love you from here to Venus Some toast for today Today's the day I toast my penis! Wolf, please don't.
I can't believe this toaster was free.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with it.
- Mr.
Toastie! - Aah! No! Moose koosh ba-goosh.
Not again! Judy, Ham told me about your braces.
Now you can come to the open mic night with us.
[Judy groans.]
I know what you're thinking.
That my feelings about getting my braces off were somehow related to the dread I was having about actually sneaking into a 21-and-over open mic.
Is anybody else's table wobbly? Oh, my God, Steven, pay attention! I'm so excited.
Maybe we'll meet some 20-year-old twins who both play guitar.
- [whispers.]
Sounds great.
- [school bell rings.]
You want me to wait for you for lunch? Oh, no, you go ahead.
I'll catch up in a minute.
[Judy sighs.]
[sighs heavily.]
Okay, fine.
I'm engaging.
What's going on, Judy? I just have a lot of emotions in my body currently.
Mostly happy ones, I think.
Happy, huh? That's why you stayed in here for lunch, to sit alone with a teacher? I'm getting my braces off tomorrow.
- Okay, that seems good? - Well, it's just [sighs.]
You know, at first I thought I didn't want them off because it's kind of my "thang.
" - Judy, no.
- Sorry.
But I stayed up all night worrying about it and now I think it might be more than that.
Maybe it's not about the braces, but it's about what they, uh, symbolize.
I don't follow.
Ugh! I'm eating lunch in the bathroom from now on.
Listen, maybe this is less about what you're leaving behind and more about what you're heading towards.
You know? You have braces when you're? - Me? - Young! When you're young, Judy.
Getting your braces off means you won't look like a kid anymore.
It's a big step towards adulthood.
And maybe you've picked up from pop culture that all adults do is sit around and long for their youth, à la Mr.
Bruce Springsteen.
But that can't be right.
Adulthood is probably exciting.
Oh, Judy, you pleasant little fool.
I thought I was going to be Edgar Allan Poe But now I just yell at teens about where candy wrappers go They go in the trash, not next to the trash.
No one will ever read my novel No one will ever hear the audiobook I do all the voices Quoth the Raven: You've made poor choices - Wait, what's happening? - We're on a merry-go-round.
That's a good metaphor for adulthood, right? You're just going around and around in circles wishing you had a better horse.
Oh, look, I got a brown one that doesn't go up and down anymore.
Yippee for me.
And when it comes to adulthood, you better - Brace yourself - Whoa! There're so many choices you have to make Brace yourself, every choice might be a mistake We're in the mall? But why are we in Toast by Jan? So we can confirm all your deepest fears about adulthood, obviously.
You think I grew up dreaming of selling bread? I was on my way to Harvard to study pre-med But then I got pregnant, stayed in Lone Moose Opened up this shop Now my only patients are toasters that won't pop Aah! What? What's happening? Brace yourself You are right to be concerned Brace yourself, one wrong step and you'll get burned So, Jan wishes she went to med school.
- All right, I'll just become a doctor.
- You don't get it, do you? I went to med school and become a doctor But you know what? I wish I traveled I always dream of Greece When I'm tying up a boring belly button That's unraveled So I'll travel a lot, no problem.
Oh, no, you're mistaken A life of travel is not prime I traveled all through France and got beat up by a mime He also stole my traveler's checks.
Brace yourself There's no planning, there's no luck Brace yourself No matter what you choose, it might suck No! I'm not ready! I get it.
I can't win.
- Just make it stop! - Brace yourself.
Where are we now? We're at your work.
Your shift started ten minutes ago.
Disappearance smoke! JUDY: And then that was it.
I worked my mall shift, went home, met the brand-new Rockin' Roller Toaster that Wolf and Honeybee brought home from Toast by Jan, brushed my braces goodbye, and fell asleep.
And then it was time to get my braces off.
Was I nervous? Well, let's just say my diarrhea had goose bumps.
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's play some mood music, 'cause this is kind of a funeral for your childhood.
You ever heard of the Beatles? No! I mean, yes, I've heard of the Beatles.
Everyone has.
But you can't take my braces off! Bye! [panting.]
- Judy! Hi! - Uh, hi? Hop in.
It's me! Your tooth, Amberley.
And I've got all your other teeth up here.
Join us! Um It's ten dollars for your ticket.
Just kidding.
We're teeth, what would we do with money? Buy drugs? [laughs.]
- Judy! - Quick! Before that dentist catches you! So anybody seen any TV shows lately? We only get to see them a little bit.
You usually keep your mouth closed while you watch.
- I'd love to see Bosch.
- Or a pornography.
So, what are we, uh? We really don't want you to get your braces off, Judy.
Without the braces, what's gonna happen to us? Are we all gonna fall out? Like the babies?! 20 beautiful babies.
All gone.
As long as we all stay here and never get off, - nothing bad will ever happen to us.
- That's a relief.
We're going to Death Cliff? Where the over-21 open mic night is? No! I don't want to go! What if it's like my teacher says? I go, I meet the perfect guy, and I marry him, and he turns out to be one of those guys who needs the waiter to think he's funny at dinner.
Yeah, that's an extremely valid concern and you're not overreacting.
Stay with us Stay on the bus Oh, we'll all stay here together - Stay with us - Stay with us - Don't leave the bus - Don't leave the bus Yeah, we'll be braced in here forever I feel safe here, I think I'll stay Great choice.
Help yourself to some crudités.
And stay here The doors are all locked anyway - Sorry, what? - Stay with us - Stay on the bus - Stay with us Stay on the bus It seems like we're speeding up.
Are we speeding up? Wait.
Is that a college out there? I bet they have art classes.
Should we get off and check it out? - We never get off the bus.
- Never? The bus has everything you need Teeth, and teeth, and teeth, and teeth Wait, my hopes and dreams! Stop the bus! One way to be safe for sure Is to be our prisoner Think of the chaos it could bring If you try literally anything We're here to protect you But you're not protecting me Ow! You're holding me back.
And you're actually biting me! I'm driving.
- You guys are freaking maniacs! - Stay with us Stay on the bus - Stay with us - Stay on the bus now I can't breathe underwater I'm going to die - Die with us - Die on the bus Die with us - Die on the bus.
- No! I have to live! I have to try! I've never even seen Vanilla Sky! [screams.]
Just a dream.
It's so weird, I have seen Vanilla Sky.
What are you doing up at 3:00 a.
, Judy? Oh, did inspiration strike? Should I get the paint? I had a nightmare about my braces.
I mean, at first I thought I didn't want them off because they were my thing you know, like - Zach Braff's smile? - Mm-hmm.
But now I think I should get my braces off because I don't want to be held back.
But that also means I'm going to look old enough to sneak into an over-21 coffee shop.
Dark Side of the Mug? I once met a ribbon dancer there.
- She stole a thousand dollars from me.
- That's the place.
Ugh! Soon I'll have to decide where to go to college and how far away I'll have to live from my family and whether I'll become a doctor, or travel.
I mean, there are some aggressive mimes out there, and no matter how confident I am in whatever decision I make, it could still turn out horrible anyway.
I want my braces on, but I also want them off! How can I feel both at the same time? Judy, that's kind of what becoming an adult is.
You're never really sure.
You just make the best choice you can and see what happens.
But you don't have to make any big decisions tonight.
Becoming an adult really isn't all that bad You can move away or you could stay closer to your dad I like the second one, but no pressure.
Life is like a buffet, delicious and disgusting You can have fun no matter what you do Tax accounting or ghost busting Sure, it might be terrible, but it also might be great You're on your own schedule There's no such thing as early or late So you can pace yourself Who knows what great things will come your way? Pace yourself No need to make big decisions today I know it's 3:00 a.
, but we saw the light on - and caught some FOMO.
- I'm just reminding Judy she doesn't have to dread growing up, and you can't be afraid to try things.
Three years ago, I tried some sparkling water.
It's a little too lively for my throat, - but, hey, no regrets.
- HONEYBEE: And I tried Moving to Alaska - So far, so good - So great! I mean, when I decided to grow that rattail Nobody liked it But I got through it And then one day my friend Cheesecake Just ripped it clean off my head And that was that.
And, Judy, you were nervous - About becoming a high schooler - Oh.
Hey, Ham.
Now you're as beloved as Paula Abdul Hup! Pace yourself Whoo! There's no right and there's no wrong, hup! Pace yourself, whoo! Now, Moon, finish up this song, hup! You will be shocked by all the good That your life brings I'm old enough I know these things - Hup! - Pace yourself.
Not again! Not the Rockin' Roller Toaster! No toast for today.
What the fruit punch is going on with these flub dub toasters? Wolf, have you checked out this outlet? I haven't.
O-oh! You're right.
It's a good-looking outlet.
That's not what I mean.
All these years, and I didn't realize it was a 130-volt outlet.
Toastie died of natural causes.
She was old, yeah, but she was also a restaurant toaster.
She could handle that kind of power, - but these newer toasters can't.
- And here we thought there was something wrong with our toasters.
But the real problem was actually buried a little deeper.
Oh, yeah.
That happens sometimes.
We should check out the other outlets, too.
Judy, will you Judy? - Judy? - [car horn honking.]
- Ready for my appointment, Dad.
- It's in five hours, Jude.
But, hey, if you want to wait in there, fine by me.
I'll bring out a book.
I was finally ready to say goodbye to my braces - and hello to adulthood.
- Finally is right.
They have got to shut off her microphone.
- [clears throat loudly.]
- HELENA: Judy.
Helena? You're back.
I was in Orlando reconnecting with an old boyfriend.
Nothing like the stress of a water park to remind you why you broke up.
You ready? I'm really glad you'll be the one removing my braces today.
Removing your braces? Is that what Dr.
Gary said? Aw, what up, J-dawg? Thought I heard the nerd alert.
- Ha-ha! Kidding.
- Gary, why would you tell Judy that her braces are ready to come off? Um, I don't know if you heard the nerd alert earlier, but Judy deals with that every day, all the time.
Wee-ooo-wee-ooo! Just constantly.
General Dork of the Nerd Patrol reporting for duty! - Hup, hup! - Hey.
I'm sorry, sweetie, but your braces aren't quite ready to be removed.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm a dentist now.
You need to respect me as your colleague, Helena.
Yes, I am your colleague, but first and foremost I am your mother.
You just don't get it, Mom, you're a loser - This ain't right - Loser, huh? I guess this loser's cancelling taco night - What? You can't do that! - Yes, I can.
- [scoffs.]
- Sorry, Judy, you have what we call "crazy teeth.
" You'll need to keep your braces on for a little bit longer, and possibly have them off and on for the rest of your life.
You mean it?! So yeah, that's my story, short and sweet.
It was not short, Judy.
You kids doing okay on snacks down there? Mom! Quiet, please! Judy's summarizing all that she's learned.
Thanks for letting us use your basement for our over-16 open mic night, Mrs.
Not a problem, kids.
I remember being too scared to sneak into adult-only spaces when I was your age.
I still have to get drunk to even walk into the DMV.
[Steven scoffs.]
We weren't scared.
The ferry price was just way too high.
Yeah, five dollars each.
Plus, I was terrified.
My cousin's friend did a CBD latte, and he thought his friend Allen was a turkey, and he tried to stick him in an oven.
And it wasn't even Thanksgiving.
So that was my first piece.
And now my second piece is called "Meditations on Changing for P.
" - There I was - Judy! No! Absolutely not! Okay, fine.
Gil, you're up.
[clears throat.]
My spoken-word poem is about the person I love most in this world.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
Oh, Gill.
He has so many feelings for me.
- My hamster, Peanut Butter.
- Oh.
Here I am, not a seagull, but a sea-Gill See? See my hands? What am I holding? I'm holding ham ster My hamster, Peanut Butter Butter on my toast this morning As I ate it, I thought about my ham ster My hamster, Peanut Butter Together we can do anything, anything we can do Except open doors, because he has no thumbs ster He's a hamster, not a thumb-ster Thumbs, thumbs up for our friendship May it last forever But hamsters only live to three, so let's make it count One, two, three Yeah, I can count, my teacher taught me My teacher, Mrs.
Ham Ster, my hamster, Peanut Butter.

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