The Guardian (2001) s03e18 Episode Script

The Bachelor Party

The vans for this weekend's firm retreat will be leaving from the parking lot across from the Frick Building at exactly 6:30 tomorrow morning.
Coffee and Danishes will be provided in our conference room between 6:00 and 6:15, and the people at Business Performance have put together a full schedule of activities ranging from trust building exercises to volleyball to speaker forums.
Uh, workshop attendance is, of course, mandatory.
Morning, Sheila.
You're the best.
- Oh, Alvin.
- Lulu.
Beautiful Lulu.
- What? - You're radiant.
Oh, please.
I've gained 23 pounds in the last three months.
- Fantastic.
- You want to come in my office? Sure.
What is it? Well, I just got off the phone with Judge Lutz.
So what is this about you telling him to "shove it up his ass"? - He called you? - Well, yeah, I do run the place, Alvin.
- Sissy.
- What? Oh, I've known Bernard Lutz for 20 years, and he's telling on me? Well, that's not really the point.
I know the point, Lulu.
It's taken.
- Alvin, in general - Yes? In general, you have been missing a lot of work.
- Right.
- Right.
So is there maybe something I could do to help you be more productive? - Help me? - Right.
Help me be more productive.
Yeah, Alvin.
You know, I'm just trying Let's say I said yes that I need help.
What are you going to do? You see? You can't help me.
I'm beyond being helped.
Okay? Okay, then.
I quit.
- Alvin.
- No, I quit.
No hard feelings, but I quit.
And you do look great.
I'm serious about that.
~ There is trouble in my mind ~ ~ There is dark ~ ~ There is dark and there is light ~ ~ There is no order ~ ~ There is chaos and there is crime ~ ~ There is no one home tonight ~ ~ In the empire in my mind ~ - [knocking on door] - [Thunder rumbling] Mr.
Lulu told me that you that you quit.
Twenty-seven years and nearly 9,000 clients.
What more can I do? Well, you know, Alvin, if there's if there's anything that I can do for you - I'm getting married.
- Huh? I proposed to Victoria this morning.
That's Congratulations.
Thank you.
And I was thinking.
I want you to be my Best Man.
Me? Why? Res ipsa loquitor.
Speaks for itself.
Just say you'll do it.
Alvin, thank you.
I'm I'm flattered.
I just I don't know if, uh And I'm dying.
- What? - ALS.
Lou Gehrig's disease.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anybody about it.
Did you know that Lou Gehrig drove in more than a hundred runs for 13 consecutive seasons? I'm sorry.
I had to tell somebody.
God, Alvin.
I started tripping over things.
Didn't really notice it at first.
Then once in awhile my words would get slurry.
Did you ever notice that? I been seeing a neurologist.
Three neurologists actually.
The main guy finally diagnosed me today.
But let's not dwell.
Instead, let's talk about my bachelor party.
Yeah, um yeah, I'Il I'll put something together for you.
Uh no need.
Taken care of everything.
Booked us two tickets First Class to Los Angeles, California.
- Alvin - First flight out in the morning.
Alvin, I got to I got to do this Fallin & Fallin retreat.
Oh, come on, Nick.
The Sunshine State.
Los Angeles.
The City that never sleeps.
Flight leaves at 8:00.
- Meet you at the gate.
- Okay.
[Men laughing] [Burton] Did any of you know Howard Taft? The meanest son of a bitch I ever met in my life.
And the cheapest millionaire in Pennsylvania, I can tell you that.
[Whispering] Hey.
Uh, can I talk to you for a second? Oh, I was just telling them about Howard Taft.
I'm sorry, I need to talk to you.
I got a plane to catch.
Well, yeah.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
- Excuse me a minute.
- Morning.
What the hell, son? I'm sorry.
I can't go.
Do you realize we're spending $43,000 on this thing? I'm sorry, but I have to go to L.
With Alvin.
- Why? - It's personal.
- What? - I can't talk about it.
What, does this have to do with that community service? No.
It's personal.
Son, look, the whole idea here is to is to build a little company morale with you right in the middle of it.
I'm sorry.
All right? I have to go.
And I'll explain when I get back.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Are you even allowed to leave the State? [Girl speaking, muffled] [Girl laughs] Yeah.
No, I'll be there.
Don't worry.
Just call me.
I'll be there.
Okay, I'll talk to you later, right? [Laughs] Okay.
How did you get in this office? I have an appointment.
The door was open.
[Scoffs] No, it wasn't.
It was when I got here.
When did you get here? This morning.
Where's Alvin? - What's your name? - Tiffany.
- Tiffany what? - Where's Alvin? Alvin doesn't work here anymore.
- Alvin's gone? - Yeah, he's retired.
Hey, wait a second.
Wait a second.
Where're you going? [Woman on P.
] Now boarding Flight Three to Los Angeles, First Class and Star Mileage members.
We'd also like to welcome our Business Class passengers at this time.
Ah, you know, Alvin, we should probably board now.
Did you know that Lou Gehrig drove in more than a hundred runs Yeah, you told me.
Played in 2, 130 consecutive games, and one day he just takes himself out of the line-up.
- Alvin - 2, 130 consecutive games - Alvin.
- All right.
I mean, imagine that.
- You have your ticket? - Yeah.
- Excuse me.
- This is great.
I've never flown First Class before.
- Excuse me.
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry.
- Excuse me.
[Knocks on podium] [John Lazar] Good morning, everybody.
[Together] Morning.
You all have envelopes.
Inside is a card with a word or a phrase.
Go ahead.
Open your envelopes.
[Lazar] Okay.
Now, I want you to walk around the room.
Reintroduce yourself to your co-workers and ask them what their word is.
You'll know when you've found a match.
Go ahead.
- Peanut butter.
- Macaroni.
[All chattering] - What do you have? - Grapes.
[Man] Macaroni.
- Peanut butter.
- No.
- Macaroni? - Jelly.
When you've found your match, you've found your weekend roommate.
- Peanut butter.
- How you doing? Uh, peanut butter.
Oh, well, jelly.
Well, all right.
Did you look down when we were flying in here? Amazing, the possibilities of a place like this.
Smell that jasmine.
And the women Oh, my God.
They're unbelievable.
Let's turn on the radio.
~~ [Ioud rock] Wow, rock 'n' roll.
Too loud? Sorry.
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
So go to the hotel, got us an early check-in, check out the pool, little lunch, and then who knows? Fantastic.
Hope you don't mind sharing.
[Both chuckle] They call this the Presidential Suite.
I understand that Chuck D and Flava Flav stay here when they're in town.
Did you say Flava Flav? Yeah, you know Public Enemy.
Thank you.
Here you go.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
Wow, Alvin, this is a very expensive room.
- My treat.
- It's your bachelor party.
- I should be paying for this.
- No.
No-no, I'm paying.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Hey, uh I just want to thank you for coming here with me.
Ah, it'll be fun.
Thank you.
[Knock on door] - Hey.
- Hey.
Tiffany Skovich was in your office this morning? Right.
I think she broke in.
Actually, I think she slept here.
Well, if she comes by again, call me or call the police.
You know, I read her file.
It's kind of surprising that she's a prostitute.
She's so young.
Is she going to be able to go back to Jane's Place? No.
She was expelled yesterday.
Ran off before we could transfer her.
Hm so where is she going to go? Juvie once we find her.
It's a shame, really.
Jane's Place is as good as it gets for a girl with her record.
She blew a great chance.
Oh, it's cold.
Cold cold cold cold.
Cold cold cold cold.
Oh Aah hot.
- You're not going to swim? - No.
I've got some work to do.
Aah Aah I can really feel the water.
You know what I'm talking about? L I feel better here, for some reason.
Maybe I should just move to Los Angeles.
- Maybe.
- No.
- I'd miss you guys too much.
- Miss you, too.
Thank you.
You don't open up much.
I just wonder sometimes, is it me or is No, it's just me.
Come on, let's go.
- What? - We got a lot to do, buddy.
A lot to do.
Come on.
[Man] Come on, pick him up.
All day long, baby! All day long.
That's what I'm talking about.
He's yours, Nick.
Get him.
- Get him.
- Oh! Game.
- Who's next? - [Man] Nick.
What happened? - You're supposed to block that.
- Did you see that? - Don't worry about it.
- I'm not.
I didn't know you couldn't play.
Uh, I just Team sports, Alvin, not really, you know, my thing.
Venice Beach.
This place is legendary.
All the ballers played here.
The serious ones anyway.
Marcus Johnson, Byron Scott, Chris Mills, - Philip "Hot Sauce" Champion.
- You know, Alvin, that was fun but I've got to get back to the hotel and make some calls.
Let's go swimming.
In what? Come on, Nick.
What're you afraid of? - You're in your underwear.
- So? So's that guy.
Come on.
You comin' in? You go.
[AIvin yelling] Aah! [AIvin laughing] Oh, my God! Oh.
, do you want the bathroom light on? No, I don't.
Why? You? Oh, sometimes when I'm in a new place Oh, yeah, sure.
You want it on, leave it on.
[Jake sighs] [Burton coughs] - Burton? - Yeah? What happened with Nick? Oh, he had to go to Los Angeles.
- Los Angeles? - Yeah.
Why? Some personal matter.
- Is he okay? - Yeah.
He's fine.
Well, good.
A few of us were concerned.
[AIvin] Hmm.
What a fantastic day.
I mean, that was Hey, is that someone famous sitting behind you? I don't know.
I think that's someone famous.
Well, maybe it is.
- This is a very good Caesar.
- Hmm.
So when're you getting married? Haven't set a date yet.
I just asked her yesterday, so You didn't tell her yet? Right.
Well, I went to her office to tell her but then the clarity The news gave, me this clarity and I just had to ask her to stay with me.
And it was powerful.
- [Waitress] May I? - Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
That was dee-licious.
- Do you believe in healers? - Like what? What do you mean? Well, people who have healing powers, who can, uh, do things with energy or thought.
I don't know.
Supposedly there are people who have gifts like that.
I've been reading incredible stories and sometimes it works, I guess.
- What? You don't think it can? - I You know what I think, Nick? I think that's Erik Estrada sitting over there.
Hey, Erik! What's up? [Elevator pings] Tiffany, wait right there.
Here you go.
I met a boy.
What? His name's Clint.
We We're going out, dating.
He goes to a regular high school.
He plays soccer.
His dad's a doctor.
I haven't told him where I live.
So he drops me outside a house in Shadyside and then I walk back to Jane's Place.
I've missed so many curfews, they kicked me out.
You know, uh [Clears her throat] eventually, you would have to tell him the truth.
That I was a hooker? Doesn't exactly go over as well as you'd think.
Well, Tiffany there there's, uh there's an attachment order out for you, so I know.
I'm going to Juvie.
L I have to call your social worker.
Thing is there's this dance tonight.
He invited me to the Spring Dance, and I really want to go.
Look, l I know it may sound stupid, but I've never been to a real dance.
Okay, this is an empathy exercise.
Jake will read from three prepared statements to his partner Burton, in this case and Burton will respond.
- Okay.
- Okay? As though you were in your office and Jake was coming to you with a problem.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay? - Yeah.
- Jake.
[Clears throat] "I can't work with that client anymore.
"He's rude and disrespectful.
He treats me like I'm a cleaning woman, not an attorney.
" [Laughs] What would you say to that, Burton? Well, uh, a client is a is a damn client, and, uh You know, we're not in the in the feeling business.
We're in the law business, so if he couldn't handle it, I would ask him to refer it to someone who can.
Okay, Burton.
Another approach to this kind of problem would be to act as a mirror to your colleague.
What does that mean? Well, for instance, you could say, "Jake, you sound like you're really upset.
Can you tell me what happened?" You see, that way Jake knows that you're on his team and that his feelings matter.
- Okay.
- All right.
Jake, read another one.
"I'm worried about my ability to finish my work this week.
My mother is sick, and my wife is having some problems at home.
" Well, I would certainly say, "I'm I'm sorry to hear that.
" [Lazar] Good.
And I would say, you know, again, "if you feel like you can't handle it, though, come tell me, and I'Il I'll find someone who can.
" Jake.
How's that make you feel? Tell him.
I don't know.
He's just being himself.
Right, but try to talk about your feelings, when Burton tells you he's going to refer your work to someone else.
"I would rather finish it myself.
" - [Lazar] You want a chance to succeed.
- 'Course I do.
- You would like some encouragement.
- [Chuckles] Why are you smiling? Well, no, I mean, that's just not, um l l I mean, Fallin & Fallin doesn't exactly work like that.
[Chuckles] Well, what does what does that mean? Nothing.
I mean, that's just just the way it's the way Jake.
Now's the time.
Tell him.
That's why we're here, everybody.
Come on.
Well, I mean, in this situation, I guess, that, um you would probably take me off this deal and give it to Nick.
Wait a minute.
Burton, Jake is trying to tell you how he feels.
I understand that, but, l I think, uh I think I can honestly say that I have always tried to treat everybody the same.
You may try but you you don't.
How can you say that? Come on, Burton.
I mean, here we are, stuck in this place doing empathy exercises and Nick is in L.
A having fun.
- [AIvin] How 'bout that dim sum? - Good.
- Yeah, good stuff.
- Yep.
All those trays.
Weird breakfast food, though.
The fish, the sticky rice.
I liked it.
Nick There's this guy, Dr.
Liao, from a small town outside of Beijing.
He's supposed to have special abilities.
People come to see him from all over the world.
I heard about him from some woman I met online, with ALS.
She's had it for seven years.
She still leads a pretty normal life.
She says she came to see him, and he helped her.
That's one of the reasons I came to Los Angeles, to see him.
- Do you have an appointment? - Yeah.
In twenty minutes.
- So uh, I can just meet you later.
- No, l I want to come.
I do.
I can't believe it.
I just ate.
I'm already hungry.
[Door opens] Mr.
Masterson? [Sighs] [Thunder rumbles] - Hey.
- Hey.
What do you think? Well, come down.
Let me take a look.
It looks good.
- Think so? - Mm-hm.
If If you want, I think I might have some things upstairs that you might like.
Really? Yeah.
Come on.
So I guess I'm healed now.
So Lou Gehrig checks himself into the Mayo Clinic, gets diagnosed, then goes back to Yankee Stadium, makes a speech in front of thousands of people.
- Says how lucky he is.
- I've seen the speech.
Two years later, Gehrig's dead.
Thirty-seven years old.
Excuse me.
Uh, can you please take us to Echo Park? - Oh, yes sir.
- Thank you.
What's at Echo Park? Did I, uh ever tell you about my son? I never married his mom.
We had a brief fling and then, uh, she got pregnant.
That was almost 15 years ago.
Last time I saw him, he was seven.
He must be in high school now.
Oh I don't know if I should do this.
No, Alvin, you should.
I just You should do it.
Just tell him what? L I was in the neighborhood? Just just tell him that you want to see him.
- Yeah.
- I mean, you don't have to say why.
[Sighs] Jennifer.
That was fast.
[Sighs] Didn't want to see me.
Wouldn't come out of his room.
Said he already has a dad.
[Engine starts] Let's go back to the hotel.
I'm kind of tired.
[Car horn honks] Tiffany.
He's here.
You look great.
- You look really great.
- Thank you.
Okay, well, uh, have fun.
But you be home by midnight, or you know I'm going to have to call the police.
I know.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- Alvin.
I'm back.
- I'm in here.
You didn't tell me the pool was heated.
You know, I think I saw Geena Davis in the hallway.
What're you doing? You packing? - There's a 10:00 flight.
- What, the party's over? [Sighs] Yeah.
Ah, what am I going to do with these? Laker tickets? Courtside.
You paid $1,900 a ticket? - Is that what they cost? - Oh, Nick.
Return them.
Alvin, come on.
It's the Lakers courtside.
Have a chat with Jack.
Go and get some Sushi afterwards.
- Thanks, no.
- Are you sure? I just want to go home.
All right.
Screw the Lakers.
We'II, uh we'll go for a walk.
We can just talk about this and hang out, get something to eat.
Alvin, you can't drag me across the country and then just drop me.
You know how cold it is in Pittsburgh now? It's 31 degrees, right now, 31 degrees.
Okay, fine.
We'll get some dinner.
You pick the place.
- Good.
- I'm just going to go for a walk.
On your own? Yeah, if you don't mind.
I don't mind.
Burton, about today Yeah.
I'm sorry, I just I apologize.
And I hope what I said wasn't out of line.
Well, that guy wanted us to talk, so You know, that said I don't feel that the playing field is level.
I mean, I land clients.
I bill more hours than anyone else.
L I help out whenever needed, and I do whatever I'm asked to do, and and still Nick is senior to me.
You're considering a management change.
L I know that and, uh I know that Nick is clearly the the heir apparent.
Not necessarily, Jake.
Well, if if if that's true you should consider me.
[Lulu] Hey.
You're back early.
How was it? They made the gym look like it was Hawaiian.
Sand and torches.
I mean, they weren't real torches.
And the music.
That's cool.
Girls at regular high school are so different.
Did something happen? When's your baby coming? In a few months.
Boy or a girl? Tell me what's going on, Tiffany.
- I told Clint the truth.
- Oh.
About how I ended up in Jane's Place.
About Juvie.
He kind of stopped talking to me after a while.
Drank with his friends.
Called me a whore.
So I left.
Walked home.
I'm sorry.
So are you having a boy or a girl? Alvin.
I missed you.
Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis.
It's a Greek phrase.
"A" meaning negative.
"Myo" meaning muscles.
"Trophic" meaning nourishment.
I'm trying to get my mind around it, you know? Motor neurons degenerate until the brain can't send impulses to the muscles.
When the muscles can't receive messages, they atrophy.
And my brain my brain stays the same.
I'm sorry.
So Nick I was thinking of seeing how far west I could swim.
I don't know if I have it in me.
What about Victoria? Oh she's going to walk away.
At least she should.
I mean, what was I thinking? I mean I am going to die.
I am going to die, Nick.
You know that.
You don't have to sit here.
I know.
I know.
[Nick] Alvin, I'm ready.
Uh I'm just going to head down to the lobby and wait.
- Shall I call a cab? - Already got us a limo.
- I'll see you down there.
- All right.
[Knock on door] One second.
[Knocking continues] I'm coming, Nick.
[Man on P.
] Arriving passengers on Flight Well, Alvin, the weekend was, uh fantastic.
It was.
And thank you, uh with my son.
Thanks for setting that up.
Oh, thank you.
Need a ride? - No, I've got it.
- I'm sure you do.
- Hey.
- [Victoria] Hey.
Did you have fun? We did.
Did you stay out of trouble? Yes.
Let's go home.
[Knock on door] Hang on.
You're back.
Sorry to just drop in on you.
That's okay.
I just, uh Well, I really wanted to see you.
Come in.
I don't want you to go.
Well, that's kind, Lulu, but, uh Alvin, this is your clinic.
I mean, I'm here, but, I'm just - This is your clinic.
- Thank you.
So you'll stay? You want me to stay? - Yes.
- Why? Because I'm sick? Because you're indispensable believe it or not.
Thank you.
You know, I, uh I had an interesting weekend with one of your clients.
- Really? - Tiffany Skovich? [Sighs] [Knock on door] - Alvin.
- How are you, Bernie? I'm fine.
What can I do for you? I just, uh, want to apologize for saying what I said.
I was way out of line telling you to shove it up your ass like that.
But the main reason I'm here is my client Tiffany Skovich.
I need to get her back into Jane's Place.
Uh, she was expelled for repeated curfew violations.
Well, she fell in love with a boy from Sewickley Prep.
Didn't want him to drop her off at a shelter for teenage hookers, you know? - I understand but, uh - She deserves another chance.
- She's already had four.
- Then give her five.
We've been friends a long time, Bernie.
Want you to know I have ALS.
My, God, Alvin.
I'm so sorry.
So won't be asking you for many more favors, not for much longer anyway.
You're manipulating me.
I am.
You're a bastard.
- So are you.
- [Both chuckle] - [Knock on door] - [Burton] Come in.
You wanted to see me? Yeah, hey.
Come on in.
Sit down.
How you doing? Good.
Listen, uh what you said about Nicholas I think you're right.
There are times when I favor him and I just wanted you to know that, uh I'm going to keep that in mind.
Thank you.
Your hair looks great.
- Hi, Nick.
- Hey, Jake.
So uh, Dad, uh, about the weekend Well, I thought you said it was personal.
I'll take you at your word.
Well, I can explain why I had to go.
I'll take you at your word, Nicholas.
She won't let me off the hook.
What do you mean? I told Victoria.
She still wants to get married.
Well, that's great news.
So, like it or not, you're stuck being my Best Man.
You know I've been thinking about that healer.
Well, who knows? - Maybe it worked.
- Maybe.
- If it didn't - Well, maybe it did work.
Lou Gehrig's final season 1939.
Something was wrong with him, didn't know what it was.
He still played in eight games.
Still got four hits.
- Four? - Year before that three years before he died Gehrig batted.
295, hit 29 home runs.
- 29.
- Wow.
Think about it, Nick.
That's a lot of hitting.
Excuse me.
[Sighs] This is it.
You know that.
No more missing curfews.
I mean it.
L I can't keep getting you out of these situations.
And, Tiffany, you're going to have to give me my key back.
You're a great kid, Tiffany.
Try to stay put.
Uh you can step into my office.
I'll be right in.
You gave her your key? I did no such thing.