The Healing Powers of Dude (2020) s01e01 Episode Script

1 [LAUGHTER AND INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Maybe I should walk in with him.
Why don't you carry him in like a baby and give him a pacifier, Dad? Everyone relax.
We've been prepping for this all summer, and Dr.
Castanov said that he was totally ready.
It's just hard to let go after homeschooling for two years.
The student has now become the - Well, I guess he's still a student.
- Here's a wild idea.
Why don't we just ask Noah how he's feeling? I'm feeling mostly worried I'm gonna make a big fool of myself in front of all those kids.
But otherwise ready to get out there and make some friends that aren't you guys.
- No offense.
- Some taken.
Okay, this is my "everything's fine, and I don't have social anxiety disorder" face.
That bad? - Not at all.
- No.
Never do it again.
Okay, well, I should go.
Wait.
Here's a map to homeroom that I drew for you.
Whoa.
Thanks for making me so buff.
Also, don't forget to repeat the mantra.
This is going great.
Nobody's looking at my weird-shaped head.
Definitely won't be saying that.
When you feel a panic attack coming on just take deep breaths like this I guess I'll see you guys after school at Grandma's cafe.
We love you [ALL.]
This much! This is going great.
Nobody's looking at my weird-shaped Ach, Embry.
Okay.
First step get inside school.
Second step find my homeroom.
Deep breaths.
- You can do this.
- Excuse me? You're blocking my way.
Oh, uh, I, uh I No, no, no.
No, you won't move out of my way? Is something wrong with your head? Oh, man, you think my head is shaped weird? Seems normal-shaped to me.
I mean, I guess your forehead's kind of long.
[GRUNTS.]
I can't do this.
Just a girl in a wheelchair trying to get an education.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
How's he doing? He hasn't wanted to talk much.
So we've been giving him some space.
I was thinking, maybe we should go back to homeschooling.
I've recently perfected this Adam Sandler impression, which I think will liven up math a little bit.
"Three hundred divided by 15 equals zippity-doo.
" Yeah, that's not helpful.
Hey, kiddo.
We knew this morning wasn't gonna be a walk in the park.
To be fair, he's also afraid of walks in the park.
- Only when it's crowded.
- Don't you have a play date to go to? Yeah.
I'm teaching the neighbor kid how to accessorize.
He thinks plain Band-Aids are a fashion statement.
Don't wait up.
We have to consider the other option that Dr.
Castanov suggested.
I already said no.
I'm not an emotional-support dog kind of guy.
Well, I didn't think that I was a French tuck kind of guy until Embry suggested it, and look at me now.
Sweetie, we promise we'll find you the best emotional-support dog out there.
This is the best emotional-support dog out there? Aw, all dogs do that.
Maybe not that much.
Dr.
Castanov said Dude came from a highly renowned service-dog school.
I'm sure that he will hit the ground running.
Um [DOG BARKS.]
- Whoops.
- Dude, you are hopeless.
Uhh.
- [DOG BARKS.]
- So I wasn't cut out to be a service dog, but they thought I could handle being an emotional-support dog.
How hard can this be? I let you pet me when you're feeling down, you give me treats.
Please tell me you have treats.
Hey, kiddo.
My gut is telling me that Dude is the answer.
And you know what I always say about my gut.
- That it can't handle dairy? - Yes.
But also that it's never wrong.
Just remember to pet Dude.
Let him give you kisses whenever you're feeling anxious.
Not sure I want that tongue anywhere near me.
That's the spirit.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
Schmancy.
I bet they serve some gourmet lunches up in this joint, like mac and cheese with peas in it.
Okay.
I can do this.
Can't go worse than yesterday.
Right? Uh, what happened yesterday? Can only get better.
Nothing bad's gonna happen to my head.
Uh, you're starting to really freak me out about yesterday.
First step get inside school.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
Whoa.
This is it.
That's all you were worried about? Hah.
I knew I could handle this job.
- They're inside.
- Yeah.
I'm so proud of him.
I didn't even need to take the day off of work.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Noah could come barreling out of there at any moment, which is why - Are you serious? - This is all the standard stakeout - [BLOWS NOTE.]
- stuff.
Right, 'cause cops are always giving each other back massages.
Gross, no.
[STUDENTS LAUGH.]
Whoa.
Cool dog.
Hey.
Can I pet him? Wow, he's so soft.
What's his name? My name's Simon, but everyone just calls me Turbo.
Yikes.
Everyone must hate you.
No, wait.
I take it back.
Keep scratching.
So, you a sixth-grader, too? I didn't know middle school was so huge.
I got lost on the way to the cafeteria and had to eat a pack of gum for lunch.
Between us, I heard the only way to survive is to start a fight with the biggest eighth-grader.
What a cutie.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER.]
It's just kids being friendly.
It's okay.
Nothing bad is happening.
[GROWLING.]
Uh, did you say something? [SHRIEKS.]
Too many kids.
Do any of you guys have treats? I'm worried this one doesn't.
Okay, everyone move back.
Move back, please.
Mr.
Ferris.
Let's go to my office.
Now Noah, I need to confess something.
I'm more of a cat person.
This is my prized Scottish Fold Lord Dingwall.
So - cute.
- He looks like he eats his own poop.
Anywho, when your parents called and told me you'd be bringing in an emotional-support dog Uh hah my first reaction was, "No!" But then I did a soothing grapefruit face mask and decided to compile a list of rules for Dude-y.
[BOTH.]
Dude.
Mm.
Wonder how he got that fun name.
Dude.
Dude.
Dude.
[WHIMPERS.]
Yeah, that was just a phase.
Anywho rule one, no peeing on school property.
Rule two, no barking.
Rule 3, no growl Um, exactly how many rules are there? Fifty-three.
Rule four, slobber shall remain inside dog's mouth at all times.
Rule five, no jumping.
That's a good one.
Rule six, no running.
- Rule seven, dog shall - [HEART BEATING.]
[DISTORTED.]
Principal - [KLAXON BLARING.]
- Rule eight, if dogs are mentioned, cats must also be mentioned in the next sentence.
[KLAXON CONTINUES.]
Noah, bud, are you you feeling okay? Ruh-roh.
[STAMMERS.]
If you're gonna throw up, just aim away from Oh.
What do you want, Embry? Your room 'cause it's bigger.
Mom to stop wearing leggings.
I just wanted to see how school went.
Aw, kid.
Read the vibe.
I was trapped by zombie kids and threw up on the principal.
Honestly, that's much better than I thought it would go.
Well, thanks for stopping by.
You did say you wanted to make friends.
Not that many at once.
I can try to tone down the charm.
[CHUCKLES.]
Who am I kidding? That's impossible.
Will someone help me get the peanut butter out of the doggy torture device? You know, I think I may have a way to help you blend in.
How? Get this kid off of me.
What do you think? [WHIMPERS.]
I've decided to start a fancy clothing line for dogs.
Take that off him now.
I just don't want you to give up yet.
I'm not.
Don't worry.
I'll come up with my own plan.
Man, if the boys could see me now Coming in early was definitely the right move.
Hey, smells like cheese in here.
[SNIFFS.]
Oh, wait.
That's me.
Dude, we practiced this.
Settle down.
Hey, dog guy.
Wait, Wait up.
Not today, Turbo.
- [SIGHS.]
I think we lost him.
- Well, what are the odds? I'm in here doing some extra credit.
Yeah, that's right.
It's day three, and I'm already doing extra credit.
And look who comes barging in.
The kid who refused to get out of my way.
Are you sure it was me? I have very generic features.
[DUDE.]
Hello.
Can I come out now? I'm getting tangled in here.
Don't play dumb.
What makes you think you can treat people like that? [STAMMERS.]
What? Spit it out.
Why do you have a dog wearing a cowboy hat in your backpack? Mm, Embry.
I told her I couldn't pull this look off.
Uh Well he's my, uh emotional support dog.
For what? Uh I have social anxiety disorder.
Oh.
I had no idea.
You know, after my aunt's boyfriend dumped her, she got an emotional-support pig.
It poops on everything.
Yeah, Dude poops a lot, too.
That is personal information.
So was it your anxiety that made you run in here? It was that Turbo kid.
[SCOFFS.]
Simon? Yeah, nobody calls him Turbo.
That makes a lot more sense.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[JIGGLES KNOB.]
- [KNOCKS.]
- [SIMON.]
Hey, why is the door locked? Oh, the bell's about to ring.
You should probably unlock the door.
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
[JIGGLING HANDLE.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
[JIGGLING HANDLE.]
[ZOMBIE SIMON.]
Let me in.
[POUNDING.]
- [TAPPING ON DOOR.]
- Uh I just remembered I have uh jury duty.
Okay.
All right, Dude.
Yesterday, we tried going early.
Today, we'll try going late.
So, is this, like, an order-at-the-counter situation, or Somehow we're gonna get to homeroom.
Here you go, my número uno.
Oh, thanks, Grandma, but I think my stomach's too jumpy for food.
I feel like she wants you to eat it.
Aw such a good boy.
Ooh.
Oh, no.
Please don't see me.
Please don't see me.
- Please don't see him.
- [BOY.]
Come back here, Turd-o.
He actually picked a fight with the biggest eighth grader.
Look, when I called you guys Timon and Pumbaa, I meant it as a compliment.
Ow.
I'll take that.
See what you got in here.
A roll of toilet paper? The school only has one-ply, and like my mother says, I have a very sensitive tush.
We'll take that.
I should do something.
I can't do something.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Okay, kid.
I'll do this for you.
Hey! Is this your dog? He's a friend.
Ho ho, I barely know this kid.
I-I just let him scratch me once.
[SNICKERS.]
His only friend's a dog.
Yeah, a dog who drank a lot of toilet water this morning.
Oh, gross! Aah.
Hey, thanks for sending your dog out.
I mean, I had it totally under control, but thanks.
Oh, sure.
Um, good boy, Dude.
- It went exactly as we planned.
- We? When were you part of Aw, that is the spot.
So Amara told me about your social anxiety and to stop yelling at you.
She did what? Shoot.
Uh, I think she also said that I wasn't supposed to tell you that you told me about your anxiety.
- It's okay.
Just stop saying that word.
- Anxiety? [WHISPERS.]
Yes.
That one.
You know, if we hurry we can still make it before homeroom starts.
I promise I won't be loud or make a scene.
We'll just be to super-chill amigos walking to class together.
Amigos? Oh, that means friends in Spanish.
Yeah, I-I know what amigos means.
Amigos? With this guy? I guess I can walk in with you.
Awesome! I mean, awesome.
[TEXT ALERT.]
- Ooh, Mom says Noah left the cafe.
- And he's with another kid! - How do you know that? - 'Cause he's right there.
[GASPS.]
I found a rogue cheese ball.
So What does having the word that I can't say feel like? Well, right now, my brain is sorting out a million different ways this walk to class could go horribly wrong.
Whoa, you're just like Doctor Strange.
More like Doctor Anxiety.
- Oh, so you can say the word.
- Yep.
Okay, cool.
Just feeling out the parameters.
- Hey.
- [BOTH SHRIEK.]
Aah.
I would've peed myself if I wasn't already on empty.
So, you guys are cool now? I guess you took my advice and chilled out.
- Yep.
- Not exactly.
Well, are you guys headed to homeroom? Can I go with you? Uh sure.
Look at us, making friends.
I can't wait for you to meet Miss Flatbert.
Just so you're fully prepared, she never blinks.
- You're exaggerating.
- Name one time she blinked.
What if she only blinks when you blink? Whoa.
I wonder if there's an award for best support animal? Hey, wait up! [SNIFFS.]
Oh.
And what do we have here? Are-Are we getting close? Yep, it's just down that hall.
Feels like the AC's broken in here.
Are you okay? Maybe I should just hold Dude.
Dude? Turkey sandwich, BBQ chips, cookies.
Ehh, celery? - Dude? - I'm over here, Noah.
You're not gonna believe it.
This kid brought celery.
Ahh.
Class is starting, ladies.
Tick-tock.
I'm stuck.
A little help here.
- Noah! - Um - I-I found Dude.
- Gentlemen chess club is still looking for a captain.
Who is going to step up? - Aah.
- [THUD.]
[BOY.]
He's so embarrassed.
Rule 54 dogs must be on a leash so that they don't bump into a teacher, who bumps into the principal, causing him to spill coffee all over himself! Um, I can't imagine this exact scenario ever happening again.
Aah! [CHUCKLES.]
Can you believe Meyers? What a drama queen.
I needed you.
I Noah, there was this lunch bag and [GROANS.]
I'm sure Dude didn't mean for all that to happen.
He abandoned me for a sandwich.
Mm.
What kind of sandwich? Not important.
The point is, I was this close to making it to homeroom, and then he embarrassed me in front of everyone.
I thought we were starting to make a good team, but he only cares about himself.
And sandwiches.
I never want to see him again.
It was turkey on ciabatta.
It's one of my top-five sandwiches.
And I didn't eat it.
There you are.
What do you guys think? Should I add a little mohawk? Em, you know how I feel about mohawks.
I love them.
But your brother needs a little moment right now.
Do you remember the skate park? Oh, he was so cute with his little skateboard.
We went to that skate park every day for a week until finally you felt comfortable enough to skate in front of the other kids.
I fell a lot.
I still have a scar.
But the important thing is that you always got back up.
- Now, that scar is a reminder - That I'm awful at skateboarding? No.
That you can do anything you set your mind to.
Remember, sweetie, going back to school was something you really wanted to do.
I know.
I just Okay.
If tomorrow's another total disaster, can I please go back to homeschooling? I should probably let you both know now that my math skills don't go past fifth grade.
[IMITATES ADAM SANDLER.]
So give it your best shot.
He keeps doing that voice.
I have no clue who it is.
Hey.
I thought there was no way you would show up today.
Why? 'Cause I totally humiliated myself in front of the whole school? That was meant to be joke.
- Ha ha.
- Oh.
Good one.
So, where's Dude? No idea.
I was really upset last night, and I think he sensed it.
My mom thinks he's just hiding in the house somewhere.
I'm sure he'll turn up.
I don't know.
My cousin Tony lost his dog, - and they never - Simon.
Never had to look for him because he died.
Yeah.
Well, I think it's cool you came back.
Ehh.
Yesterday reminded me why I'm not cut out for real school.
I'm only here 'cause I promised my parents, who are currently spying on me outside, that I'd give it another shot.
Only ten more minutes, and I'm out of here.
I think you're looking at yesterday all wrong.
You're the kid who embarrassed Principal Meyers.
That gave you some major street cred, bro.
Ahem.
Speaking of Is there a back door I can sneak out? Yeah, this way.
I still can't believe he doesn't know who Adam Sandler is.
We have clearly failed as parents.
I mean, The Cobbler is a classic.
- Look, he's halfway into the school.
- That's awesome.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- Wait.
You have an app that tracks Noah's phone? It actually tracks everyone's phones.
So, you know where we are at all times even Wednesdays? Yep.
All I care about is myself and sandwiches.
That is so not true.
I also care about [GASPS.]
ice cream! Can you just stay still? Dude? Of all the days.
Reginald, my old service-dog instructor.
Did you do something new with your fur? It looks great.
Where's your human? Oh, he moved.
South America.
Turns out they don't allow dogs there.
Really? Okay, I ran away.
Thanks for showing me the way out.
- No problem.
- Hopefully we'll see you around.
Well check you later.
Please forget I just did that.
- Yeah.
- Done.
Hey, Noah.
In case you care that's our homeroom.
[HYPERVENTILATES.]
Second step homeroom.
[AMARA.]
Do you want to try and go in? [BELL RINGS.]
Noah? You look weird.
[HYPERVENTILATING.]
I'm sinking! Do you see him sinking or Maybe it's a new slang, like when you're super into something, you're sinking? [REGINALD.]
So you couldn't handle the job, huh? Actually, I was a pretty good comfort dog.
I made Noah feel better when he started to panic, and Oh, I even helped him make friends.
And then I messed it all up, and he never wants to see me again.
Well, if you paid attention in class I did not.
You'd know, a dog's job is to forget about himself and focus on becoming one with their human.
Where were you with this advice last night? Why did he stop moving? I think your phone is frozen.
Here, let me smack it on the dash.
Ach.
Come on, Noah! Wait.
Noah? Move, Noah! Move! He's so close.
Just a few more steps to homeroom.
Homeroom.
I think my human needs me.
Well, what are you gonna do, then? Spend the rest of your life stealing ice cream from babies, or become the best dang support dog you can be can be? Can't I do both? I kid.
I'm coming, Noah! [BARKING.]
Look.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING.]
Oh, man, you're sinking into the floor.
Dude, you came back! I'll never leave you again, buddy.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES.]
- [BOTH.]
He did it! - Whoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, my God! Oh, I really hope you haven't licked your butt recently.
I have.
Noah Ferris? Here.
[DUDE.]
Step two, get to homeroom.
Step three, survive middle school.
It's a good, good life Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh Movin' on, take a chance These spinning wheels Keep turning fast I'm letting go, letting go And I feel it I'm hanging on, hanging on Every moment There's no turning back, turning back Turning back now I'm dreamin', I'm dreamin' now Dreamin' out loud Right now is a good time to be alive It's a good, it's a good, good life I'm alive, I'm alive I'm alive, I'm alive It's a good day It's a good life I'm alive, I'm alive I'm alive, I'm alive - It's a good life - Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh-oh-oh-oh