The Incredible Hulk (1978) s03e05 Episode Script

I don't know anything about magic.
If I can pull a rabbit out of a hat, I can pull the sorcerer out of you.
I'm a magician.
I am able to recognize an illusion when I see one.
the miraculous escape from Neptune's torture chamber.
Oh, my God.
Dr.
David Banner, physician, scientist.
Searching for a way to tap into the hidden strengths that all humans have.
Then, an accidental overdose of gamma radiation alters his body chemistry.
And now, when David Banner grows angry or outraged, a startling metamorphosis occurs.
The creature is driven by rage and pursued by an investigative reporter.
Mr.
McGee, don't make me angry.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
The creature is wanted for a murder he didn't commit.
David Banner is believed to be dead.
And he must let the world think that he is dead until he can find a way to control the raging spirit that dwells within him.
After all these months, I'm just days away from the results.
Only after the last precisely timed injection has been administered will I have any indication whether the serum has been effective.
Give me two businessmen's lunches, a Sherman special, four orders of fries and a burger.
Burn it.
Right.
Coming up.
Mario, get those dishes out of there and give me a hand! Where's Burns? We need a cleanup on table six.
Haven't seen him in a couple of minutes.
Hey, how many orders of fries was that? Four.
Four! Burns? Was that rare on the burger? Well done.
Throw me a rag.
Hey, you got a hearing problem? Yeah? A little fever, huh? So, that ain't no excuse.
You coming in, or I get somebody new? Oh, geez.
Oh.
You're fired! What're you doing, resting your dishpan hands? I should have asked for references.
Will you go out there and clear up the tables while I try to catch up on the orders, huh? Now! Boy, the help you get now.
Let's move it! Come on! I'll get you some coffee.
What a splendid little cafe.
Uh, maitre d'.
Mmm What'd you call me? Jasper Dowd, party of one.
Oh, I neglected to make a reservation.
Well, you are in luck.
We just had a cancellation.
Uh, don't get up.
Well, I think it would be safer to sit in the balcony.
Do you want a menu, or did you bring your own? I'll have the pheasant.
Oh.
Well? How are you at washing dishes? I circled the globe a dozen times.
World tours, command performances for the Emperor of Japan, the King of Italy, and the Rajah of Sholapur.
I was adored everywhere I went, outdrawing even Houdini.
Houdini? I never saw Houdini.
I did see Blackstone once.
Quick learner, Harry.
Oh, oh.
A little something the sorcerer Chung Ling Soo showed me before his bullet-catching trick, uh, misfired.
Mmm-hmm.
The hand, my friend, is quicker than the eye.
In vaudeville, you learn to always bungle the first attempt at a trick.
And that was your last attempt.
Now, get out of here.
And you, too, dumb-dumb! You go out, too, with him! I've been thrown out of better places than that so-called diner.
You've had your nose in that book for hours.
Formulas, equations? I've been working on a problem for a long time, and, uh, I'm close.
Science.
It was called alchemy during the Middle Ages.
Alchemy.
I like that.
More mysterious.
My inhaler.
I thought I had it.
Here, is this it? Yeah.
Asthma? Yeah.
Yeah.
Look, why don't we just, uh Why don't we just rest for a second? Maybe we could pull over and get a bite to eat.
I got to make San Luis Obispo before dinner.
An old friend of mine is restoring a theater, a place we used to play in the old days.
Before you were born, no doubt.
I don't usually work for scale, but I'm doing this as a favor for my friend Edgar.
Yeah.
Too bad my assistant couldn't make it.
Busy building props for our next European tour.
Hmm.
David, you could be my assistant! I don't know anything about magic.
David, in you I see the mysteries of the universe.
You have powers you're not even aware of.
Okay, so you're no Harry Houdini, but if I can pull a rabbit out of a hat, I can pull the sorcerer out of you.
I'm a little embarrassed about calling collect, but I only had large bills.
How are you, Lily? Fine, Jasper.
Just a little surprised to hear your voice.
Well, I couldn't wait till I saw you.
You sound the same, Lily.
Um, Jasper, um Now, now, please.
Don't do anything till I get there, huh? That was your long-lost love? Oh, Giancarlo, that was 40 years ago.
For a woman like you, I would wait 40 years.
I would never make you wait that long.
Let us elope like we originally planned.
We could be married by morning.
Oh, Giancarlo.
Forgive me, darling.
It's just that Well, I would not want to yearn for you years from now, like that Jasper.
He must be a fool to have let you get away.
But I am not a fool.
Yeah.
Yeah, he said he was playing some vaudeville theater.
Uh San Luis Obispo, I think he said.
Oh.
Dusty in here.
Have you got your inhaler? I'm all right.
All right, guys, see if they got some amber, too.
They've got amber.
I've seen them in the spots already.
Aw, David, I've played theaters throughout the world, but this one particular theater has always been good to me.
A lot of memories, huh? Yeah.
Oh, look, look.
Neptune's torture chamber.
Hmm.
It's the illusion I'm best known for.
It brings the house down every time.
No kidding.
Looks lethal enough all right.
McGee! Jasper! Man, it's been a long time! Sure good to see you! You didn't expect me in this costume, huh? But you see, we got to cut corners if we intend to put this place back into business.
Lf? Why, after the benefit, they'll be breaking down your ticket office door.
This man could make me believe in the tooth fairy.
Edgar, my assistant, David Barker.
Glad to meet you, David.
And thanks for helping.
Uh, I'm expecting a registered letter.
No, it hasn't come yet.
Hmm.
Well, who else is on the billing? Oh, come on over here.
I'll show you.
Now, we have the Ferrar Sisters, Clifton Pomeroy and his dogs.
Right over here, we got Unice the Unicyclist.
Mmm-hmm.
And, of course, over here, we have Be careful, fellows.
We have Jasper the Great, along with his lovely assistant, Lily De Mar.
She's beautiful.
Yes, and I always thought that you two would get married.
David, help me unload the equipment.
I said something wrong.
He always had quite a thing for Lily.
I don't know.
Fellows, be careful with that chair now.
Because that's an antique.
Napoleon once sat in that chair, right here in this theater.
Napoleon the Juggler.
Ah, come on.
You remember him, don't you? Yeah.
I open the doors, you step out, we take our bows, and you wheel out Neptune's torture chamber.
That's it.
Right about there.
That's good.
Well, I hate to say it, but it looks pretty frightening to me.
Good, David.
Well, it's supposed to look frightening.
Now Jasper, do you know what you're doing? Mmm-hmm.
Ah, there you are.
Now Now, tonight, when I do this trick Yeah.
this will be filled with water.
I will go into the tank, under the water, and those little chains there will be hooked to this hook right here.
You see.
Now You mean through that one? And then, I reach in here.
And what do I find, but a little key.
Oh, that's how you get these off, huh? David, I'm a magician, not a locksmith.
Uh-huh.
Jasper? Oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Ain't that great? Let me hear it out there.
Yeah.
Thank you very much.
And now, the man that you've been waiting for.
The magician whose exploits continue to defy all logic Nervous? Yeah, a little bit.
How about you? breaking every measure I'm all right.
of the universe itself.
Let's get ready.
The Merlin of the 20th century, Jasper the Great! Maestro, fanfare! Jasper.
You're supposed to be in a trance.
I can't help it.
I'm gonna sneeze.
Don't move.
You all right? And now, as a reward for your kind attention The miraculous escape from Neptune's torture chamber.
Jasper.
I'm all right.
Ladies and gentlemen, with your kind indulgence, because of the particular rigors of this next escape, we'II, uh, require your kind indulgence for a few moments in as much as we must prepare for the event.
Excuse us right now, ladies and gentlemen.
You're wonderful.
Thank you.
I'll go on, as soon as I catch my breath.
Are you serious? I've got to deliver, David, for Edgar's sake.
Jasper, I'm trying to tell you it's too dangerous in your condition.
They'll want their money back, and we'll lose everything.
Don't worry, Edgar.
I'll tell you what.
You recuperate, and I'll go out and try to hold them for a few minutes, okay? Yeah! How about it, huh? Yeah! Let me by, David.
Come on.
Unless you plan on doing the finale yourself.
walked up to the elephant, and smacked him on his Ladies and gentlemen, you have seen me lock my assistant's handcuffs to the bottom of Neptune's torture chamber.
The chamber is filled with water, and is constructed of unbreakable bullet-proof plastic glass.
Watch carefully as we seal the tomb with chains and padlocks.
Are you ready, David? I am ready.
Bring on the screen.
My God.
David.
Da Oh, my God.
It was just the most incredible thing the way he came bursting I know, I heard.
And have you ever seen a show like that in your life? Maurie.
Maurie.
Isn't that the star of the magic act? Here, Maurie, take the camera.
It is! Maurie, you'll take a picture.
Make sure you focus Sweetheart, please.
Maurie, it is not for me.
It's for the kids.
Your grandchildren.
Uh, may I have an autograph, please? Oh, you are a big one.
Believe it or not, I like big men like you.
Rose? Maurie, don't stand there like a lox.
Shoot.
Show folk.
I don't believe it.
I've been in show business a long time, seen a lot of great acts, but I never saw an act actually bring down the house.
Do you know where I can find him? Jasper Dowd? He gave me a forwarding address somewhere in the desert, I think.
Hey, fellows, be careful of that curtain.
You'll tear it.
David.
Boy, look at this place.
Is there anything I can do to help? Yeah, you can help this lady.
This is Jasper's assistant, David.
I told you fellows to be careful with that curtain.
What can I do for you? I'm looking for Jasper Dowd.
Yeah, well, so am I.
He's not here.
I've already checked.
He wasn't hurt, was he? I don't know.
When last seen, he was driving off into the sunset in his van.
Oh, that's great.
That's perfect in my case.
Something wrong? Yes, it happens that all my personal belongings are in his van, including a journal and the serum that I'm suppose to take on a regular basis.
Do you know where I can find him? Why? Look, if you tell me where I can find him, I can get you there.
Unless it's not that important.
It is that important.
Palm Springs, the Beaumont Estates.
Well, I guess as long as we're going to be traveling together, we should exchange names.
David Barker.
I'm Kimberly Dowd.
I'm Jasper's daughter.
I'm not surprised that he never mentioned me.
But I am surprised that he didn't go on and on about Lily.
Lily? Oh, the assistant.
Mmm-hmm.
He carried a torch for her for years.
She's all that mother and I ever heard about.
Lily.
Lily and his damn magic.
Funny he never mentioned her to me.
She married a very wealthy man, but he died a year later.
Anyway, Jasper married mother on the rebound, and I was born, and suddenly, Jasper the Great Star of Seven Continents had a family to support.
Then after mother died, Jasper went right back to his magic.
Pardon me, would you mind telling me what time it is again, please? That's the third time you've asked in an hour.
It's a quarter after.
Ah, I'm sorry to keep bugging you that way.
It's just that it's urgent that I take my injections on schedule.
Couldn't we stop at a hospital or something, and get this serum, or whatever it is? I really wish we could, but I know it's very rare.
You know, the two of you must have been some kind pair.
Hmm? Two grown men, hunting, scrounging, desperately for their medicine.
Mmm-hmm.
A few months ago, we found out that Jasper has coronary heart disease.
Is he undergoing treatment? Well, he was, until he ran away from the convalescent home.
Ran away? Three times.
I put him in when the doctors told me that a severe asthma attack could trigger a fatal heart attack.
But there is too much food and not enough champagne.
And look at those flowers.
It looks like a funeral.
Take it easy.
Calm down.
Is that him? The fly in the ointment? Yeah.
Si, si, that is him.
You wanna cut the accent.
If he interferes with the wedding, man, you don't get your money.
Then I'll see to it he doesn't interfere.
That one you used to tell about Coolidge coming to your dressing room and making that silly elephant joke.
"My trunks had to make room for yours.
" Yes.
Oh, Jasper, how I envy the life you've led all these years.
The exotic places you've seen, people you've met.
I've always been so rooted to the safest place I could find.
Lily The day we met, you told me that living should be unpredictable.
Like riding on the wings of some great bird, and never knowing where it would alight next.
I said that? Oh, you got so excited, and all I could think about was my fear of heights.
You look just as lovely as you did on that day at the Orpheum.
Oh Lily, you were the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
You still are.
Look at me, Jasper.
Look at me.
A magician never wants to give up the illusion.
No one does.
But that's why Giancarlo is good for me.
You always loved some romantic illusion.
No, no, Lily, no.
But Giancarlo sees the real me.
Then why can't you see the real Giancarlo? What do you mean? The closest Giancarlo has ever been to Italy is the spaghetti joint he worked at in the Bronx.
You'd better leave, Jasper.
Now, I'm waiting for a letter that'll prove he's a phony.
But all that matters is that he loves me for what I am.
Mmm-hmm, or for what you're worth.
Goodbye, Jasper.
Don't you understand? He loves you because you're a rich, lonely old woman.
Lily But, Jasper, much as I hate to admit it, that's what I am.
Lily, that's not what I came here to say.
You must be Um, you are Senor Jasper.
Giancarlo Corleone.
I know who you are.
I didn't even realize I had it until they brought my bags in.
Jasper, that's great.
Uh, look, is there a place I can give myself an injection? Yeah, well, right here's fine.
Oh, oh, you need privacy.
Please.
Well, the bathroom The bathroom's right in there.
Thank you.
Not one of your better escapes, Dad.
I thought you'd make it out of the country this time.
You're just becoming too good a detective, Kim.
Well, you might as well start packing.
Jasper, we are leaving in the morning.
I'm not going! Where's your inhaler? Even with doctors and nurses, it's still a prison! It's the best convalescent home money can buy.
They take away your self-respect.
I'm not going.
I I can take care of myself.
Where's your inhaler? David! Jasper, sit down.
Sit him down immediately.
Loosen his tie.
Sit down, Jasper.
Come on over here.
Where's the inhaler? Where is it? Sit down.
Jasper, where is it? Relax, Jasper.
Here, Jasper.
I can take care of myself.
Tell her, David.
No.
No, Jasper.
I'm afraid this is between you and your daughter.
I'm sorry.
Um Look, if that ride to Los Angeles is still open, I'll take it with you if it's all right.
I'll just check into a room here tonight, okay? Of course.
I'll be leaving about 7:00.
That'll be fine.
Thank you.
Jasper You're not going.
Jasper, give me back the book.
No.
Please.
Jasper, give that back.
No! Jasper, give that back! You don't care about me! It's very important to me, Jasper.
I'm just an obligation, that's all I am.
I need the book.
It's just an obligation! Excuse me! Pardon me! I'm sorry.
Excuse me.
Pardon me for interrupting.
I don't need the book right now, Jasper.
I'll get it tomorrow morning.
And as for you two, it seems that you're talking again, but you're not listening.
That's not true.
It's not true? Do you want to talk about truth? Your magic act never headlined a show.
Not here in the States.
Nowhere.
Overseas.
Never.
Europe? No.
Jasper, you were never a star in vaudeville.
I'm sorry.
From all accounts, you were never Jasper the Great, you were Jasper the Mediocre.
You know, I promised Mother that I would never say that to you.
No, no, Kim.
I'm glad you did.
I I never really gave your mother a chance to tell me.
I was always too busy being center stage.
David's right.
I was always talking when I should just shut up and listen.
Mother called them your little white lies.
She said that everybody told them.
But I never really meant to lie to her.
Slight exaggeration here, a little embellishment there.
Well, uh How do you find the truth after you've made it disappear so many times? Jasper, Mother always loved you.
She loved you more even after she knew the truth.
Dad.
If we're going in the morning, we'd better get an early start.
I'm feeling a little tired.
We can talk more when we get home.
Abracadabra.
That's your cue to disappear.
Please, Kim, please, I I need a few minutes alone.
Special delivery letter for Mr.
Jasper Dowd.
I don't understand.
When did you discover that he was missing? I just went to his room.
He was supposed to be resting.
He wasn't there.
His van is gone.
Uh-huh.
What about his clothes, his props? He left everything, including this.
Oh, that's great.
Let's go.
I hope that magician keeps out of our hair.
Don't worry.
We'll keep an eye out for him.
You could have saved us a lot of trouble by divorcing the other one before marrying the new one.
You're an amateur, and a stupid one at that.
Listen, it's your fault I'm in this spot, so forget about the insults, okay? Ah, and the bigamist is easily offended.
You know, Giancarlo, for a million bucks, Lily could do a lot better.
Nobody asked you.
Are they just gonna stand around and look ugly? They're your best men.
What? Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the presence of these witnesses to join together this man and woman in holy matrimony.
Could you please give this letter to Lily? with love and devotion, who have decided to share this, the autumn of their lives.
Why don't you pick on someone your own size? Like him, for instance.
Now, look, I got to give this to Will you let go of him? What do you think you're Are you guys crazy? There's a wedding going on.
Get them out of here.
Lock him in the car till the wedding's over.
Let go of me! What's the matter with him? Take her.
Let go of me! Do you, Giancarlo Corleone, take Lily Beaumont for your lawfully wedded wife? And will you love her, honor and keep her, forsaking all others, till death do you part? I do.
Let go! Here, Dad.
Here.
And do you, Lily Beaumont, take Giancarlo Corleone for your lawfully wedded husband Lily.
till death do you part? I do.
If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him speak now or else henceforth forever hold his peace.
No.
No.
No! No! Giancarlo! Giancarlo! Lily.
Lily.
I'm sorry, Lily.
My hopes that the serum would stop the metamorphosis are gone.
Even after the last of the 20 injections, the condition persists.
With this latest disappointment, I must re-examine the entire concept of a cure.
David, that was Kimberly on the phone.
She wanted to tell me that after seeing that green man, she finally believes in magic.
I told her she ought to take a few days off from work.
Well, it seems you've solved all your problems.
Mmm.
And what about your problem? Did you ever find the answer? No, I, uh I'm beginning to think that I might never find the answer to my problem.
Yeah, well, I know the feeling.
I know just what you mean.
For instance, this trick has eluded me for over 20 years.
Just could never master it.
David David, it worked.
Congratulations.
It finally worked! A lesson the great Houdini taught me.
Just when you're ready to give up, the magic finally works.