The L.A. Complex s02e09 Episode Script
Help Wanted
1 Previously on The L.
A.
Complex I'm Gray.
Seriously, who are you? I'm in the air force.
When I get back, I'm coming for you, Vargas.
You're being charged with driving a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol.
Cactibear 2 is firing me? The production's coming after you for what the insurance company had to pay out.
There's an opening on "Celebrity Halfway House.
" I think you should take it.
I'm here to pay my debt, that's it.
Walk out that door, you're in breach of contract.
It's your call.
Nick! You'll do a line with me, huh, buddy? Those guys out there make me feel like some kind of drug addict.
Oh, I - I like you.
- I like you too, man, but I'm not interested in any of the demons that you're bringing in with you.
You figure out how to cut them loose and you give me call.
But I would say to start with whoever that Tariq person is.
- Who is that? - I don't know.
She's been there most of the day.
Seriously, who are you? I'm your sister.
My sister? I don't I was a little smaller the last time you saw me.
Like about This size.
I I grew.
Yeah, you did.
I'm, I'm sorry, this is just, really This is a lot to process all at once.
I know.
I'm sorry to just blindside you with this, but I didn't know how else to do it.
So, what, do you, do you live here in L.
A.
? Oh no, I live in Boise, Idaho? It's where mom moved us after Right.
So Do you all still live there? No, Josh moved back to Australia to "find himself.
" I don't really speak to him much anymore, and mom What? I'm sorry.
She was sick.
When? About two years ago.
I wanted to tell you when it happened, but I couldn't find you.
Um What? I just have a lot of questions.
So ask me.
What do you wanna know? Everything.
I wanna know everything.
Okay, well, everything's a lot.
Where should I start? Uh do you Do you Do you maybe wanna Do you wanna go and talk in my room? Sure.
I think we're gonna need a couple of drinks for this.
Oh, I don't drink.
I do.
Okay.
Unbelievable.
The man's an artist.
Your forearm's in the pizza there.
Agh! Raspberries! I don't come from the wasteland of tundra, snow, and ice Hi, Raquel! Hello.
Excuse me? Weren't you on Teenage Wasteland? Nope.
You were! Raquel Westbrook.
I'd recognize that walk anywhere.
Well, that's not creepy at all.
Oh, I don't mean it to be.
I'm so sorry! I just thought you were the best part of that whole show.
Oh, well, thank you.
So you are Raquel Westbrook! You got me.
What is this? Raquel Westbrook, you've been served.
You're being sued.
Oh, oh-oh-oh 2x09 Help Wanted And then he shakes the woman's hand and says, "congratulations.
You are now pregnant.
" Love it! Put it on the board! Paul! What's up, buddy? To what do we owe the honor? You wanna know what's up? Whose is this?! Really? No one? The cleaning staff found this on the back of a toilet in the writers' bathroom this morning.
This is not the seventies.
It's not the mid-eighties.
It's not various portions of the nineties.
You are not day-traders.
It's not a high school or a discotheque in menace.
You are pale, miserable, uncool writers who should not be able to afford this much cocaine! You're lucky you get a writer's bathroom! Whose is it? Paul, um, I'm so sorry that you had to find this.
And that someone on my team would indulge in such negligent and illegal behaviour, frankly, sickens me.
Not in my room.
Not in my room! Let's go! hey! How you doin', y'all Find him yet? No, I didn't.
What the hell am I paying you for? Do you know how many muhammads there are in Montreal? If that's even where he went? The kid's a ghost.
Forget it.
I'll find him myself.
As your legal council, can I give you some advice? Leave.
Tariq.
Alone.
Thanks for doing this on such short notice.
My agent said you were the best there is.
No problem.
I think we've got everything sorted out now.
So, if you'll just sign here, here, and here We can get the ball rolling.
So that's it? Mm-hmm.
Celebrity Halfway House, Cactibear They can't come after me anymore? Nope.
You're free and clear.
Wow.
That was easy.
Raquel, you do understand what you're doing here, right? Yeah, I have a pretty good idea.
Why? I deal with this sort of thing a lot.
"Easy" is not the word most people use.
Okay, great.
Thanks a lot.
Hi! Uh, we're here for the Bill Nye callback? Simon Pirelli? Simon.
Great! Welcome back.
Where are all the other parents? Uh, they went home.
We're telling them to treat it like a school day.
Drop 'em off at nine, pick 'em up at three.
See? I told you.
But isn't that way more work for you guys? What, not having a room full of anxious parents hovering over us all day? Yeah, it's the worst.
What? Are you insane? No, I'm gonna stay.
Is it okay- I'm just gonna You promised you wouldn't treat me like a baby anymore.
Who was that? Adoption agency.
They want you back.
Come on, couldn't you use a break? I taught you well.
Fine! Three o'clock.
Okay, go! It's the gratitude that really just makes it all worthwhile.
Three o'clock! Okay.
I can swear by the Bible there's rappers fightin' other rappers like it's practice for survival Here.
Uh Sorry it took me so long to pay you back.
No problem! I actually totally forgot about it.
Oh, that must be nice.
Whoa! Uh That was close.
Learn from my mistakes.
Abby! I didn't get a chance to talk you last night at the party, so Do you wanna maybe grab dinner with me sometime or something? I would like to.
I just sort of um Still hate me? Met someone.
Oh.
That's great! Classy.
- That's really not what - mm-hmm.
Charlotte, come, I want you to meet somebody.
Charlotte, this is my friend Abby.
Abby, this is Charlotte, my I'm his sister.
It's nice to meet you, Abby.
Oh, that's crazy.
I didn't know you had a sister.
We haven't seen each other since I was a baby.
Oh.
Okay.
So that would explain You guys are half-siblings? You just You look really different.
I have our mom's features, but, you know, we have the same eyes.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's They're the same shape, I guess.
What're you implying? Nothing! No You don't think I'm his sister? Wait, no, I don't think that she was Nobody's saying that you're lying.
No.
I think she was.
I wasn't.
Um I It's really nice to meet you.
Abby.
Hey I need to talk to you about Tariq.
What's wrong? Is Tariq okay? When's the last time you talked to him? Right before he left.
One of his parents was sick or something.
Why? Something happened.
I need your help.
What's going on? I'm recording a new song and one of my background singers pulled out at the last minute.
What? Tariq thought you might wanna fill in for her.
That's what you came here to tell me? Yeah.
Oh! Oh my God, I thought You really have to learn how to deliver good news because Yes, I'd love to.
That'd be amazing, actually! Um, when would you need me? How 'bout now? I never said I wouldn't do commercials.
I said I wouldn't do creatively unfulfilling commercials.
You're not listening to me: No one wants to see you.
Okay.
Well, what about voice work? Raquel Dreamworks is doing that movie with the lazy hummingbird thing.
You got fired from Cactibear.
You walked out of Celebrity Halfway House.
You're not bondable, which means no one can insure you, which means no one can hire you.
Now, in light of this, I'm afraid- don't do this.
I can't represent you anymore.
Navid, please.
You're the only one on my side right now.
I'm sorry, Raquel.
Good luck.
Everything okay here? Uh, no.
I wouldn't say that.
My bartender's playing hard to get.
He's probably on one of his hourly fifteen minute breaks.
Black pepper Martini, courtesy of table eight.
Thanks, table eight.
What if the boss finds out? I won't tell if you don't.
I told you not to talk to her alone! She asked me if she was miscast in Inception! What was I supposed to do? Lie! You're supposed to lie! Hey.
Are you studying for your S.
A.
T.
's? Yeah.
It's not going super-great.
Oh, wait! Could you Could you help me? Yeah! Yeah, of course! Cool! Yeah! Why don't you just run away! Go ahead! Why don't you tell more truths, you truthsayer! Sorry.
Production meeting.
Is everything okay? We lost Ellen page.
The movie's dead.
Oh no, that's awful- What's up? She's testing me on my S.
A.
T.
's! That sounds fun.
Do you need any help? Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay This is stupid.
I don't need a DNA test to prove that you're my sister.
I'm a stranger who showed up on your doorstep, and you're a rich, famous tv star, and we look nothing alike.
If getting stabbed with a needle's all it takes to prove we're family, then let's get stabbed with a needle.
It's okay.
I used to be a cutter, but now I'm not.
What's with the bandage? Rugby accident.
It's not weird when you push me in a room Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! The coke belongs to you, understood? Nnno it doesn't.
We can just leave that open.
Or Closed is good too.
I've been in rehab like most of the last year.
Maybe you should ask for your money back.
No.
Don't you get it? Paul thinks I'm in recovery, man.
It's in my contract.
If he finds out, I'm finished.
So, I'm- just to clarify: You're asking me to go to prison for you? What? You're not going to prison for a little coke.
Paul likes you! No, he doesn't! Fine! Yeah, he doesn't, but, Nick, you're so clean! You're like a boy scout.
You're like a Mary Tyler Moore episode just walking around.
You take the heat for this, what's the worst that happens? You'll get a fatherly lecture and a slap on the wrist.
But I'm so clean he's not gonna believe it.
Just- come on! Please! I need this, man! I have a family.
I have a wife and a kid.
Wait, you're someone's father? Yes! That's messed up! Nick! Please! No, I'm sorry.
I'm not claiming to be the best father.
Just do this for me.
Yeah, I just Come on! The network is making me cut two writers So You should do this for me.
And if I don't? You should really do this for me.
So what, now you ain't answering your phone? You wanna tell me what's so important you gotta be two hours What the hell is she doing here? Recording backup vocals? On what? Live by the gun.
I don't think that'd be the best use of our time today.
Fine.
Let's get some levels.
All right.
So, um What am I singing? Um we haven't quite figured that out just yet.
Just have some fun with it.
You know, play around with it.
So is Tariq producing this track, too, from Montreal? Tariq's moved on.
I thought you said that We gonna sit here talking all day or we gonna record a track? All right, let's get started.
I know how much you hate wasting time.
If you close your eyes I hope you got cash because our credit card machine's are not working.
That's good, 'cause neither are my credit cards.
Still in the weeds? Like a Florida swamp.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Feel better.
Maybe you should tell your cheap-ass boss to hire more staff.
Yeah, I'll pass that along.
You want me to talk to him? I am him.
Uh, I meant "cheap" in the non-pejorative sense.
Mm-hmm.
Do you want my help? Are you serious? Do you have serving experience? I played a waitress in a movie once, yeah.
Uh, yeah, no, that's not serving experience.
Look, I don't know how I'm gonna pay this and you need help, so Why don't we do a little A little swip-swap.
- A "swip-swap"? - Yeah.
- No.
- No? Thanks, but my business doesn't run on tradesies.
Yes, sir, I'll be right with you, just Yes, sir, I'll be right with you.
Just give me a second.
I just gotta I got it.
What do you want? This place is so big! I know! I used to get lost every day, I swear.
This, here, is where I usually give families the bad news, like "I'm so sorry, Charlotte, we did everything we could but your brother's cardiomyopathy is inoperable.
" What's cardie-? I don't know.
I just say what they write and I try not to trip.
Cool! So they built this whole thing just for your show? I mean, wouldn't it be easier just to use a real hospital? Well Real hospitals are generally pretty busy being Uh, being hospitals.
Right.
Right.
Of course.
Are those fake too? No.
No, those are real.
What are they for? Um just even me out.
Right.
You know, I used to take those too.
They made me feel better but they didn't make me get better.
They work for me.
Do they? I mean I'm sure they mask the problem so you don't have to deal with it, but Sorry, I'm opinionated.
I don't mean to No, no.
It's okay.
I just want you to be happy and healthy.
Oh, hey Nicky.
Oh my gosh! Is that Nicole Evans?! She's dating Thor.
You know that, right? You wanna meet her? Are you serious? Yeah, come on! Oh, I can't believe your life.
Hey, Nicole! Okay.
Phagocyte.
That is just offensive.
Involving or containing an untruth.
" Nope.
What? No, I studied that one.
I think you might be thinking of "fallacious.
" These words are filthy.
What did you get on your S.
A.
T.
's? I didn't take them.
This is weird It says that you're right.
You might wanna double-check these flashcards.
Easy there, encyclopedia brown.
I'm serious.
There's no point in her learning them wrong.
Oh! My bad! I must've jumped down a line when I was copying these down.
Do you guys mind helping me check the rest of these? Uh, I can help! How did you know that? I'm a genius.
Well, really.
Okay.
Let's see about that.
Excuse me.
Hey, man, I'm trying to work here.
"Sarah is a blank pupil.
She studies for hours and memorizes every answer.
" - She is a) - Meticulous.
- Is that right? - That's right.
"Emphasizing the importance of the whole.
" Holistic.
"Larger or more generous than necessary.
" Munificent.
These are easy.
Did you memorize the dictionary? I didn't memorize it, but It was one of the only books we had when I was a kid, so You memorized the dictionary? Nerd! That is the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life! Sorry! Not all of us grew up with pools in our backyards.
Well, you're gonna have to make up for some lost time then.
Aggghhhhh! I can't believe you did that! Whoa! Fair is fair, my friend.
Now don't push me in the pool! I wouldn't wanna go in! Don't do it! Stop! I can't- no! Don't push me in the Pool.
No, I'm telling you that it is.
Why don't you go buy a tv, subscribe to some channels, watch them, and then I'll check back and see if you still feel the same way.
You take care then.
Bye! What? It's uh It's about the cocaine.
Well, just so you know, I am super-okay with rats, so Feel free to name names.
Nick.
I-I-it's mine.
What's yours? The cocaine.
Mmm I don't think so.
Look, I-I-I'm sorry.
I just I've been tired, and, you know, the pressure of that room and the show, and just, the sheer volume of material I'm having to generate, I just Decided to Get into cocaine For a bit.
You're on cocaine? That's mine, yeah.
Are you sure you're using it correctly? Are you putting it in your body? It's not icing sugar, baby powder.
No no, no.
I'm pretty good at buying cocaine, so it's definitely like real cocaine 'cause I I loved it.
You know, Nick, I respect you for telling me the truth.
Thank you.
Here's what we're gonna do: Get out.
What What do you mean? You're fired.
You haters out there who said I turned soft ooh yeah, yeah Wonderin' when I start gunning Sorry.
Whoops! Could could I just take that again? Why don't you just stick to the "ooh" part, all right? Okay.
It almost feels like this song wasn't built for backup vocals.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Hey, Abby, let's just take it from the top.
Yo, whatchya doin'? What am doing, Kal? I sit around waiting for you to show up, and then when you do, you wanna run your own plays? This is my album.
Well, good luck finishing it without a producer.
Hey, let's just take a little short break.
But, um, you're doing good though.
It's nice to talk to someone who's not ten for a change.
Why didn't you take your s.
A.
T.
's? Why, were you impressed? I didn't say that.
I just it seems like college might make sense for someone who likes to memorize boring things.
I can't go to school.
I have Simon.
What? If anyone could make it work, it's you.
Oh yeah? Yeah.
You're amazing.
What? I think I'm done swimming.
Ugh! Don't Here's your whatever.
There you go.
And You look like a guy who would order a wrap.
Hi! Hi.
How's it going? Oh, you know, a couple hiccups, but, um, actually, not bad.
I mean, my feet are killing me, but otherwise great.
Great.
Fantastic.
What? Well, a lot of people aren't getting the food they ordered, or on time, or sometimes at all.
There's a learning curve, obviously.
And you spilled on someone twice.
And I apologized twice.
But most of the complaints are about your attitude.
Well, that's stupid.
Your customers are stupid, and I wanna know who said that? It's not important who 'Cause I know who it was! It was table four, right? Look, I think what I'm trying to say is You know what? My apps are up, so we're gonna have to talk about this later.
Beth? Beth, why is the door locked? Beth, are you in there? Beth, are you- Simon! What're you doing here? What time is it? Uh, Emma drove me home.
Who's Emma? What are you guys doing? I'm Emma.
You got into a car with a stranger?! You didn't show up.
I tried calling.
You don't get into cars with strangers, Simon! You know better than that! You're smarter than He needed a lift home, I gave him one.
He's not the one who messed up here.
- See ya, Simon.
- Thank you.
Sure.
Thank you.
I'm just gonna Get inside.
What? What did I do? Get inside now! And this is my home away from home.
Oh wow! It's bigger than my actual home.
Oh, I wi You know, mom would've really loved to see this.
What's wrong? Did she, um Did she ever talk about me? Right.
You know, I think she felt a lot of guilt about You know, about leaving you behind.
Connor! Stepping up! We need you on set.
Sure.
Hey, have you met my sister yet? Uh, I'll come back for you in five.
Hey, hey, what's wrong? I have to tell you something.
You're not her, are you? What? You're not my sister.
- No, of course I am.
- That's not Mom didn't She didn't die.
She killed herself.
Why? Because of me? She never forgave herself for what she did to you.
You know, she didn't talk about you much, but I I know she thought about you every day.
You need to talk to Paul.
Uh, you might wanna watch your tone there, Nick.
Actually, I can use whatever tone I like because me and my tone don't work here anymore.
What do you mean? I mean Paul fired me for the coke.
Whoa.
Did not see that coming.
You have to talk to him.
You have to convince him to give me my job back.
I don't see how I can make that happen, Nick.
Of course.
Of course you're gonna hang me out to dry.
Why would I You know, you might be the worst person I have ever met.
And it would almost be okay if you were good at this job, but you're not.
Everybody knows Chris and Ryan completely rewrite everything you do.
You're always late, you're always drunk, you look like a muppet without its fur, and the only reason you're even here is because Paul knew you back when you used to be funny.
Yeah, well, the only reason you're here is 'cause I figured out that Sabrina and I were never going to bang.
Ungh! Gentlemen.
Feels super-awkward and, and humiliating.
I just I feel like I shouldn't even be here.
Abby, I feel your pain.
Okay, I just got disqualified in the first round of my family's annual darts tournament.
Maybe we should just fake our own deaths.
I miss you.
Whoa.
Sorry, no.
Uh, sorry.
Was that too soon? I know we just started dating, I just No, no, no.
My mom just threw a dart at my dad.
On purpose? Yeah, it's uh It's hard to say.
Sorry, did you Did you just say we were dating? Oh God! No, no, no.
I didn't mean it like that.
No, Abby, I miss you too.
All right, break's over.
I gotta go.
Hey Don't let 'em push you around, okay? Uh, where's everyone else? I sent 'em home.
Let's go.
Everything I work for everything is now gone All right, so I've got good news and bad news.
You're a terrible waitress and you're fired.
Which part of that was the good news? Look, you're no good on the floor.
Diners don't like attitude.
But, luckily, drunks do and I just fired my bartender, so You know your way around a drink? I've mixed my share.
Uh, did you just miss the part where I offered you a job? I appreciate the opportunity, okay? I do.
It's not like I don't need the money.
But This just isn't where I saw myself ending up.
No offense.
Well, who says you gotta end up here? This doesn't have to be the end of the line.
You just seem like you need a reset.
A reset? Yeah.
Listen, a year ago, I was a civil servant in Lincoln Heights, married to someone I didn't love, living a life I didn't want.
So I quit my job, I left my wife, and I put every dollar I had And actually a bunch that I didn't Into opening this restaurant.
I didn't like the game I was playing, so I hit the reset button.
Hmm.
So I guess I just have to find out what my "restaurant" is.
Well, we know for sure it's not restaurants.
So I'll see you tomorrow at 11? Okay.
Okay.
How will you think of me when you're old and gray? Are you mad at me? No.
I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at I'm really sorry that I yelled at you, and I am so sorry that I wasn't there to pick you up today.
It's okay.
Emma drove me, it's fine.
It's not fine, Simon.
I'm gonna do better, I promise.
Good night, buddy.
Are you not going to go to bed? No.
I'm just gonna sit here.
Well, I don't really know if I can go to sleep if you're just staring at me.
Hey.
Hey.
Is everything? Go.
I'll be right back, okay? Okay.
I know that we are young Is he upset? No.
Well, I mean he's upset that I'm upset, but no, he's fine.
Great.
Did you wanna grab a beer? I can't do this.
Why not? I have to focus on Simon.
I took one day for myself and look what happened.
He's in bed in his pajamas? Is he safe? Did he get hurt? No, but Then how badly can you have screwed up? You turned your ringer off.
Are you gonna do that again? No.
But it's not just that I lost track of time completely when I was with you today.
I can't be selfish.
He's my responsibility.
You can't make every second about Simon, otherwise you're gonna end up resenting him, and that's not good for anyone.
You are the opposite of selfish.
You are Incredible.
The opposite of selfish is altruistic Or unselfish.
All I'm saying is you have to cut yourself some slack.
What? I just wish one of us had our own room.
I'm on it.
Love's cold medication Oh my gosh, is that how you take off makeup? Oh, you know better? Well, yeah, actually.
I kind of wear it sometimes, so Be my guest.
It's open.
Stepping up.
This just came for you.
Thank you.
It's DNA results.
That was fast.
Yeah, I paid for them to um expedite it.
Well, aren't you gonna open it? I'm sorry It looks like you're stuck with me.
Are you kidding me?! I can't believe this! I have a sister! I have a family! What do you want? Can I I wanna do something for you Anything! Come on! You could buy me dinner.
There's gotta be something.
Anything you want.
No, I have everything I need.
There's actually There's something that I wanna do for you.
Really? What? You're such a remarkable person.
You have so much potential and it breaks my heart to think that you're not living your ideal life.
I wanna help you do that.
How? I'm with the church of scienetics.
Sorry.
I didn't have any ice.
No problem.
Thanks, Dita.
So You just punched him? Why? He called me a mean name.
So? He's always calling you mean stuff.
How was this any different? It doesn't matter.
I'm finished.
Well, it could be worse.
How? I punched my boss in the face.
Yeah, but his nose bone could've gone into his brain and killed him.
I have no job, no prospects, no one thinks I'm funny, and now a very influential comedian believes that I am an avid and careless cocaine user.
Hey Scott could sue me.
I could go to prison.
I could get violated by a lifer who happens to like my Listen to me, because I'm only gonna say this once: You're funny, you're smart, and you deserved that job Almost as much as I did.
You have a home, you have cash in your pocket, and you have me.
So hold still, dumbass.
What good is our love You know, I was once in a production of the tempest with Mr.
Adam Arkin.
Cool! Who's Adam Arkin? His dad's famous.
Ohhhh Where's thing 1? We're not talking right now.
Lovers quarrel? He's mad at me.
I lost Ellen Page.
Did you try retracing your steps? It's over, okay? So go ahead, gloat.
Do your happy-dance.
You know you want to.
Where did you say he was? Raquel, you can't go in there! What're you doing?! Hey! Oh, come on! Can we please just-! Hello, I'm Raquel.
Beth.
The movie, let's make it.
What, now? Yeah.
You have half a million dollars? No.
But let's shoot it anyway.
We'll do it guerrilla-style We'll use what we have, and we'll steal what we don't.
And where are we supposed to find a luxury high-rise apartment that we can shoot in for free? What about a crappy low-rise motel? The roof, 'kay? Ten minutes.
We'll shoot the paper airplane dream.
Okay? Here.
Let's go.
Nice to meet you.
Make it 20 minutes.
Wanna help me make a movie? Yeah, in twenty minutes.
It's the love that beats my heart it's the love that beats my heart it's the love that beats my heart and it takes me back to the start blinded by the night but the darkness fools the light thy kingdom come, they will be done I'm living by the gun You are killin' this, girl! Y'all wanna punch in after that second verse? We gotta get that part just right.
Yeah.
Sure.
Why didn't Dynasty know I was coming today? It was just a last minute change.
That's it.
Why did he look like I was talking about a ghost when I mentioned Tariq? What's going on? I'm trying to give you an opportunity; that's what's goin on.
I hurt him.
What? I hurt Tariq.
What are you talking about?
A.
Complex I'm Gray.
Seriously, who are you? I'm in the air force.
When I get back, I'm coming for you, Vargas.
You're being charged with driving a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol.
Cactibear 2 is firing me? The production's coming after you for what the insurance company had to pay out.
There's an opening on "Celebrity Halfway House.
" I think you should take it.
I'm here to pay my debt, that's it.
Walk out that door, you're in breach of contract.
It's your call.
Nick! You'll do a line with me, huh, buddy? Those guys out there make me feel like some kind of drug addict.
Oh, I - I like you.
- I like you too, man, but I'm not interested in any of the demons that you're bringing in with you.
You figure out how to cut them loose and you give me call.
But I would say to start with whoever that Tariq person is.
- Who is that? - I don't know.
She's been there most of the day.
Seriously, who are you? I'm your sister.
My sister? I don't I was a little smaller the last time you saw me.
Like about This size.
I I grew.
Yeah, you did.
I'm, I'm sorry, this is just, really This is a lot to process all at once.
I know.
I'm sorry to just blindside you with this, but I didn't know how else to do it.
So, what, do you, do you live here in L.
A.
? Oh no, I live in Boise, Idaho? It's where mom moved us after Right.
So Do you all still live there? No, Josh moved back to Australia to "find himself.
" I don't really speak to him much anymore, and mom What? I'm sorry.
She was sick.
When? About two years ago.
I wanted to tell you when it happened, but I couldn't find you.
Um What? I just have a lot of questions.
So ask me.
What do you wanna know? Everything.
I wanna know everything.
Okay, well, everything's a lot.
Where should I start? Uh do you Do you Do you maybe wanna Do you wanna go and talk in my room? Sure.
I think we're gonna need a couple of drinks for this.
Oh, I don't drink.
I do.
Okay.
Unbelievable.
The man's an artist.
Your forearm's in the pizza there.
Agh! Raspberries! I don't come from the wasteland of tundra, snow, and ice Hi, Raquel! Hello.
Excuse me? Weren't you on Teenage Wasteland? Nope.
You were! Raquel Westbrook.
I'd recognize that walk anywhere.
Well, that's not creepy at all.
Oh, I don't mean it to be.
I'm so sorry! I just thought you were the best part of that whole show.
Oh, well, thank you.
So you are Raquel Westbrook! You got me.
What is this? Raquel Westbrook, you've been served.
You're being sued.
Oh, oh-oh-oh 2x09 Help Wanted And then he shakes the woman's hand and says, "congratulations.
You are now pregnant.
" Love it! Put it on the board! Paul! What's up, buddy? To what do we owe the honor? You wanna know what's up? Whose is this?! Really? No one? The cleaning staff found this on the back of a toilet in the writers' bathroom this morning.
This is not the seventies.
It's not the mid-eighties.
It's not various portions of the nineties.
You are not day-traders.
It's not a high school or a discotheque in menace.
You are pale, miserable, uncool writers who should not be able to afford this much cocaine! You're lucky you get a writer's bathroom! Whose is it? Paul, um, I'm so sorry that you had to find this.
And that someone on my team would indulge in such negligent and illegal behaviour, frankly, sickens me.
Not in my room.
Not in my room! Let's go! hey! How you doin', y'all Find him yet? No, I didn't.
What the hell am I paying you for? Do you know how many muhammads there are in Montreal? If that's even where he went? The kid's a ghost.
Forget it.
I'll find him myself.
As your legal council, can I give you some advice? Leave.
Tariq.
Alone.
Thanks for doing this on such short notice.
My agent said you were the best there is.
No problem.
I think we've got everything sorted out now.
So, if you'll just sign here, here, and here We can get the ball rolling.
So that's it? Mm-hmm.
Celebrity Halfway House, Cactibear They can't come after me anymore? Nope.
You're free and clear.
Wow.
That was easy.
Raquel, you do understand what you're doing here, right? Yeah, I have a pretty good idea.
Why? I deal with this sort of thing a lot.
"Easy" is not the word most people use.
Okay, great.
Thanks a lot.
Hi! Uh, we're here for the Bill Nye callback? Simon Pirelli? Simon.
Great! Welcome back.
Where are all the other parents? Uh, they went home.
We're telling them to treat it like a school day.
Drop 'em off at nine, pick 'em up at three.
See? I told you.
But isn't that way more work for you guys? What, not having a room full of anxious parents hovering over us all day? Yeah, it's the worst.
What? Are you insane? No, I'm gonna stay.
Is it okay- I'm just gonna You promised you wouldn't treat me like a baby anymore.
Who was that? Adoption agency.
They want you back.
Come on, couldn't you use a break? I taught you well.
Fine! Three o'clock.
Okay, go! It's the gratitude that really just makes it all worthwhile.
Three o'clock! Okay.
I can swear by the Bible there's rappers fightin' other rappers like it's practice for survival Here.
Uh Sorry it took me so long to pay you back.
No problem! I actually totally forgot about it.
Oh, that must be nice.
Whoa! Uh That was close.
Learn from my mistakes.
Abby! I didn't get a chance to talk you last night at the party, so Do you wanna maybe grab dinner with me sometime or something? I would like to.
I just sort of um Still hate me? Met someone.
Oh.
That's great! Classy.
- That's really not what - mm-hmm.
Charlotte, come, I want you to meet somebody.
Charlotte, this is my friend Abby.
Abby, this is Charlotte, my I'm his sister.
It's nice to meet you, Abby.
Oh, that's crazy.
I didn't know you had a sister.
We haven't seen each other since I was a baby.
Oh.
Okay.
So that would explain You guys are half-siblings? You just You look really different.
I have our mom's features, but, you know, we have the same eyes.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's They're the same shape, I guess.
What're you implying? Nothing! No You don't think I'm his sister? Wait, no, I don't think that she was Nobody's saying that you're lying.
No.
I think she was.
I wasn't.
Um I It's really nice to meet you.
Abby.
Hey I need to talk to you about Tariq.
What's wrong? Is Tariq okay? When's the last time you talked to him? Right before he left.
One of his parents was sick or something.
Why? Something happened.
I need your help.
What's going on? I'm recording a new song and one of my background singers pulled out at the last minute.
What? Tariq thought you might wanna fill in for her.
That's what you came here to tell me? Yeah.
Oh! Oh my God, I thought You really have to learn how to deliver good news because Yes, I'd love to.
That'd be amazing, actually! Um, when would you need me? How 'bout now? I never said I wouldn't do commercials.
I said I wouldn't do creatively unfulfilling commercials.
You're not listening to me: No one wants to see you.
Okay.
Well, what about voice work? Raquel Dreamworks is doing that movie with the lazy hummingbird thing.
You got fired from Cactibear.
You walked out of Celebrity Halfway House.
You're not bondable, which means no one can insure you, which means no one can hire you.
Now, in light of this, I'm afraid- don't do this.
I can't represent you anymore.
Navid, please.
You're the only one on my side right now.
I'm sorry, Raquel.
Good luck.
Everything okay here? Uh, no.
I wouldn't say that.
My bartender's playing hard to get.
He's probably on one of his hourly fifteen minute breaks.
Black pepper Martini, courtesy of table eight.
Thanks, table eight.
What if the boss finds out? I won't tell if you don't.
I told you not to talk to her alone! She asked me if she was miscast in Inception! What was I supposed to do? Lie! You're supposed to lie! Hey.
Are you studying for your S.
A.
T.
's? Yeah.
It's not going super-great.
Oh, wait! Could you Could you help me? Yeah! Yeah, of course! Cool! Yeah! Why don't you just run away! Go ahead! Why don't you tell more truths, you truthsayer! Sorry.
Production meeting.
Is everything okay? We lost Ellen page.
The movie's dead.
Oh no, that's awful- What's up? She's testing me on my S.
A.
T.
's! That sounds fun.
Do you need any help? Sure.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay This is stupid.
I don't need a DNA test to prove that you're my sister.
I'm a stranger who showed up on your doorstep, and you're a rich, famous tv star, and we look nothing alike.
If getting stabbed with a needle's all it takes to prove we're family, then let's get stabbed with a needle.
It's okay.
I used to be a cutter, but now I'm not.
What's with the bandage? Rugby accident.
It's not weird when you push me in a room Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! The coke belongs to you, understood? Nnno it doesn't.
We can just leave that open.
Or Closed is good too.
I've been in rehab like most of the last year.
Maybe you should ask for your money back.
No.
Don't you get it? Paul thinks I'm in recovery, man.
It's in my contract.
If he finds out, I'm finished.
So, I'm- just to clarify: You're asking me to go to prison for you? What? You're not going to prison for a little coke.
Paul likes you! No, he doesn't! Fine! Yeah, he doesn't, but, Nick, you're so clean! You're like a boy scout.
You're like a Mary Tyler Moore episode just walking around.
You take the heat for this, what's the worst that happens? You'll get a fatherly lecture and a slap on the wrist.
But I'm so clean he's not gonna believe it.
Just- come on! Please! I need this, man! I have a family.
I have a wife and a kid.
Wait, you're someone's father? Yes! That's messed up! Nick! Please! No, I'm sorry.
I'm not claiming to be the best father.
Just do this for me.
Yeah, I just Come on! The network is making me cut two writers So You should do this for me.
And if I don't? You should really do this for me.
So what, now you ain't answering your phone? You wanna tell me what's so important you gotta be two hours What the hell is she doing here? Recording backup vocals? On what? Live by the gun.
I don't think that'd be the best use of our time today.
Fine.
Let's get some levels.
All right.
So, um What am I singing? Um we haven't quite figured that out just yet.
Just have some fun with it.
You know, play around with it.
So is Tariq producing this track, too, from Montreal? Tariq's moved on.
I thought you said that We gonna sit here talking all day or we gonna record a track? All right, let's get started.
I know how much you hate wasting time.
If you close your eyes I hope you got cash because our credit card machine's are not working.
That's good, 'cause neither are my credit cards.
Still in the weeds? Like a Florida swamp.
Yeah, thanks a lot.
Feel better.
Maybe you should tell your cheap-ass boss to hire more staff.
Yeah, I'll pass that along.
You want me to talk to him? I am him.
Uh, I meant "cheap" in the non-pejorative sense.
Mm-hmm.
Do you want my help? Are you serious? Do you have serving experience? I played a waitress in a movie once, yeah.
Uh, yeah, no, that's not serving experience.
Look, I don't know how I'm gonna pay this and you need help, so Why don't we do a little A little swip-swap.
- A "swip-swap"? - Yeah.
- No.
- No? Thanks, but my business doesn't run on tradesies.
Yes, sir, I'll be right with you, just Yes, sir, I'll be right with you.
Just give me a second.
I just gotta I got it.
What do you want? This place is so big! I know! I used to get lost every day, I swear.
This, here, is where I usually give families the bad news, like "I'm so sorry, Charlotte, we did everything we could but your brother's cardiomyopathy is inoperable.
" What's cardie-? I don't know.
I just say what they write and I try not to trip.
Cool! So they built this whole thing just for your show? I mean, wouldn't it be easier just to use a real hospital? Well Real hospitals are generally pretty busy being Uh, being hospitals.
Right.
Right.
Of course.
Are those fake too? No.
No, those are real.
What are they for? Um just even me out.
Right.
You know, I used to take those too.
They made me feel better but they didn't make me get better.
They work for me.
Do they? I mean I'm sure they mask the problem so you don't have to deal with it, but Sorry, I'm opinionated.
I don't mean to No, no.
It's okay.
I just want you to be happy and healthy.
Oh, hey Nicky.
Oh my gosh! Is that Nicole Evans?! She's dating Thor.
You know that, right? You wanna meet her? Are you serious? Yeah, come on! Oh, I can't believe your life.
Hey, Nicole! Okay.
Phagocyte.
That is just offensive.
Involving or containing an untruth.
" Nope.
What? No, I studied that one.
I think you might be thinking of "fallacious.
" These words are filthy.
What did you get on your S.
A.
T.
's? I didn't take them.
This is weird It says that you're right.
You might wanna double-check these flashcards.
Easy there, encyclopedia brown.
I'm serious.
There's no point in her learning them wrong.
Oh! My bad! I must've jumped down a line when I was copying these down.
Do you guys mind helping me check the rest of these? Uh, I can help! How did you know that? I'm a genius.
Well, really.
Okay.
Let's see about that.
Excuse me.
Hey, man, I'm trying to work here.
"Sarah is a blank pupil.
She studies for hours and memorizes every answer.
" - She is a) - Meticulous.
- Is that right? - That's right.
"Emphasizing the importance of the whole.
" Holistic.
"Larger or more generous than necessary.
" Munificent.
These are easy.
Did you memorize the dictionary? I didn't memorize it, but It was one of the only books we had when I was a kid, so You memorized the dictionary? Nerd! That is the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life! Sorry! Not all of us grew up with pools in our backyards.
Well, you're gonna have to make up for some lost time then.
Aggghhhhh! I can't believe you did that! Whoa! Fair is fair, my friend.
Now don't push me in the pool! I wouldn't wanna go in! Don't do it! Stop! I can't- no! Don't push me in the Pool.
No, I'm telling you that it is.
Why don't you go buy a tv, subscribe to some channels, watch them, and then I'll check back and see if you still feel the same way.
You take care then.
Bye! What? It's uh It's about the cocaine.
Well, just so you know, I am super-okay with rats, so Feel free to name names.
Nick.
I-I-it's mine.
What's yours? The cocaine.
Mmm I don't think so.
Look, I-I-I'm sorry.
I just I've been tired, and, you know, the pressure of that room and the show, and just, the sheer volume of material I'm having to generate, I just Decided to Get into cocaine For a bit.
You're on cocaine? That's mine, yeah.
Are you sure you're using it correctly? Are you putting it in your body? It's not icing sugar, baby powder.
No no, no.
I'm pretty good at buying cocaine, so it's definitely like real cocaine 'cause I I loved it.
You know, Nick, I respect you for telling me the truth.
Thank you.
Here's what we're gonna do: Get out.
What What do you mean? You're fired.
You haters out there who said I turned soft ooh yeah, yeah Wonderin' when I start gunning Sorry.
Whoops! Could could I just take that again? Why don't you just stick to the "ooh" part, all right? Okay.
It almost feels like this song wasn't built for backup vocals.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Hey, Abby, let's just take it from the top.
Yo, whatchya doin'? What am doing, Kal? I sit around waiting for you to show up, and then when you do, you wanna run your own plays? This is my album.
Well, good luck finishing it without a producer.
Hey, let's just take a little short break.
But, um, you're doing good though.
It's nice to talk to someone who's not ten for a change.
Why didn't you take your s.
A.
T.
's? Why, were you impressed? I didn't say that.
I just it seems like college might make sense for someone who likes to memorize boring things.
I can't go to school.
I have Simon.
What? If anyone could make it work, it's you.
Oh yeah? Yeah.
You're amazing.
What? I think I'm done swimming.
Ugh! Don't Here's your whatever.
There you go.
And You look like a guy who would order a wrap.
Hi! Hi.
How's it going? Oh, you know, a couple hiccups, but, um, actually, not bad.
I mean, my feet are killing me, but otherwise great.
Great.
Fantastic.
What? Well, a lot of people aren't getting the food they ordered, or on time, or sometimes at all.
There's a learning curve, obviously.
And you spilled on someone twice.
And I apologized twice.
But most of the complaints are about your attitude.
Well, that's stupid.
Your customers are stupid, and I wanna know who said that? It's not important who 'Cause I know who it was! It was table four, right? Look, I think what I'm trying to say is You know what? My apps are up, so we're gonna have to talk about this later.
Beth? Beth, why is the door locked? Beth, are you in there? Beth, are you- Simon! What're you doing here? What time is it? Uh, Emma drove me home.
Who's Emma? What are you guys doing? I'm Emma.
You got into a car with a stranger?! You didn't show up.
I tried calling.
You don't get into cars with strangers, Simon! You know better than that! You're smarter than He needed a lift home, I gave him one.
He's not the one who messed up here.
- See ya, Simon.
- Thank you.
Sure.
Thank you.
I'm just gonna Get inside.
What? What did I do? Get inside now! And this is my home away from home.
Oh wow! It's bigger than my actual home.
Oh, I wi You know, mom would've really loved to see this.
What's wrong? Did she, um Did she ever talk about me? Right.
You know, I think she felt a lot of guilt about You know, about leaving you behind.
Connor! Stepping up! We need you on set.
Sure.
Hey, have you met my sister yet? Uh, I'll come back for you in five.
Hey, hey, what's wrong? I have to tell you something.
You're not her, are you? What? You're not my sister.
- No, of course I am.
- That's not Mom didn't She didn't die.
She killed herself.
Why? Because of me? She never forgave herself for what she did to you.
You know, she didn't talk about you much, but I I know she thought about you every day.
You need to talk to Paul.
Uh, you might wanna watch your tone there, Nick.
Actually, I can use whatever tone I like because me and my tone don't work here anymore.
What do you mean? I mean Paul fired me for the coke.
Whoa.
Did not see that coming.
You have to talk to him.
You have to convince him to give me my job back.
I don't see how I can make that happen, Nick.
Of course.
Of course you're gonna hang me out to dry.
Why would I You know, you might be the worst person I have ever met.
And it would almost be okay if you were good at this job, but you're not.
Everybody knows Chris and Ryan completely rewrite everything you do.
You're always late, you're always drunk, you look like a muppet without its fur, and the only reason you're even here is because Paul knew you back when you used to be funny.
Yeah, well, the only reason you're here is 'cause I figured out that Sabrina and I were never going to bang.
Ungh! Gentlemen.
Feels super-awkward and, and humiliating.
I just I feel like I shouldn't even be here.
Abby, I feel your pain.
Okay, I just got disqualified in the first round of my family's annual darts tournament.
Maybe we should just fake our own deaths.
I miss you.
Whoa.
Sorry, no.
Uh, sorry.
Was that too soon? I know we just started dating, I just No, no, no.
My mom just threw a dart at my dad.
On purpose? Yeah, it's uh It's hard to say.
Sorry, did you Did you just say we were dating? Oh God! No, no, no.
I didn't mean it like that.
No, Abby, I miss you too.
All right, break's over.
I gotta go.
Hey Don't let 'em push you around, okay? Uh, where's everyone else? I sent 'em home.
Let's go.
Everything I work for everything is now gone All right, so I've got good news and bad news.
You're a terrible waitress and you're fired.
Which part of that was the good news? Look, you're no good on the floor.
Diners don't like attitude.
But, luckily, drunks do and I just fired my bartender, so You know your way around a drink? I've mixed my share.
Uh, did you just miss the part where I offered you a job? I appreciate the opportunity, okay? I do.
It's not like I don't need the money.
But This just isn't where I saw myself ending up.
No offense.
Well, who says you gotta end up here? This doesn't have to be the end of the line.
You just seem like you need a reset.
A reset? Yeah.
Listen, a year ago, I was a civil servant in Lincoln Heights, married to someone I didn't love, living a life I didn't want.
So I quit my job, I left my wife, and I put every dollar I had And actually a bunch that I didn't Into opening this restaurant.
I didn't like the game I was playing, so I hit the reset button.
Hmm.
So I guess I just have to find out what my "restaurant" is.
Well, we know for sure it's not restaurants.
So I'll see you tomorrow at 11? Okay.
Okay.
How will you think of me when you're old and gray? Are you mad at me? No.
I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at I'm really sorry that I yelled at you, and I am so sorry that I wasn't there to pick you up today.
It's okay.
Emma drove me, it's fine.
It's not fine, Simon.
I'm gonna do better, I promise.
Good night, buddy.
Are you not going to go to bed? No.
I'm just gonna sit here.
Well, I don't really know if I can go to sleep if you're just staring at me.
Hey.
Hey.
Is everything? Go.
I'll be right back, okay? Okay.
I know that we are young Is he upset? No.
Well, I mean he's upset that I'm upset, but no, he's fine.
Great.
Did you wanna grab a beer? I can't do this.
Why not? I have to focus on Simon.
I took one day for myself and look what happened.
He's in bed in his pajamas? Is he safe? Did he get hurt? No, but Then how badly can you have screwed up? You turned your ringer off.
Are you gonna do that again? No.
But it's not just that I lost track of time completely when I was with you today.
I can't be selfish.
He's my responsibility.
You can't make every second about Simon, otherwise you're gonna end up resenting him, and that's not good for anyone.
You are the opposite of selfish.
You are Incredible.
The opposite of selfish is altruistic Or unselfish.
All I'm saying is you have to cut yourself some slack.
What? I just wish one of us had our own room.
I'm on it.
Love's cold medication Oh my gosh, is that how you take off makeup? Oh, you know better? Well, yeah, actually.
I kind of wear it sometimes, so Be my guest.
It's open.
Stepping up.
This just came for you.
Thank you.
It's DNA results.
That was fast.
Yeah, I paid for them to um expedite it.
Well, aren't you gonna open it? I'm sorry It looks like you're stuck with me.
Are you kidding me?! I can't believe this! I have a sister! I have a family! What do you want? Can I I wanna do something for you Anything! Come on! You could buy me dinner.
There's gotta be something.
Anything you want.
No, I have everything I need.
There's actually There's something that I wanna do for you.
Really? What? You're such a remarkable person.
You have so much potential and it breaks my heart to think that you're not living your ideal life.
I wanna help you do that.
How? I'm with the church of scienetics.
Sorry.
I didn't have any ice.
No problem.
Thanks, Dita.
So You just punched him? Why? He called me a mean name.
So? He's always calling you mean stuff.
How was this any different? It doesn't matter.
I'm finished.
Well, it could be worse.
How? I punched my boss in the face.
Yeah, but his nose bone could've gone into his brain and killed him.
I have no job, no prospects, no one thinks I'm funny, and now a very influential comedian believes that I am an avid and careless cocaine user.
Hey Scott could sue me.
I could go to prison.
I could get violated by a lifer who happens to like my Listen to me, because I'm only gonna say this once: You're funny, you're smart, and you deserved that job Almost as much as I did.
You have a home, you have cash in your pocket, and you have me.
So hold still, dumbass.
What good is our love You know, I was once in a production of the tempest with Mr.
Adam Arkin.
Cool! Who's Adam Arkin? His dad's famous.
Ohhhh Where's thing 1? We're not talking right now.
Lovers quarrel? He's mad at me.
I lost Ellen Page.
Did you try retracing your steps? It's over, okay? So go ahead, gloat.
Do your happy-dance.
You know you want to.
Where did you say he was? Raquel, you can't go in there! What're you doing?! Hey! Oh, come on! Can we please just-! Hello, I'm Raquel.
Beth.
The movie, let's make it.
What, now? Yeah.
You have half a million dollars? No.
But let's shoot it anyway.
We'll do it guerrilla-style We'll use what we have, and we'll steal what we don't.
And where are we supposed to find a luxury high-rise apartment that we can shoot in for free? What about a crappy low-rise motel? The roof, 'kay? Ten minutes.
We'll shoot the paper airplane dream.
Okay? Here.
Let's go.
Nice to meet you.
Make it 20 minutes.
Wanna help me make a movie? Yeah, in twenty minutes.
It's the love that beats my heart it's the love that beats my heart it's the love that beats my heart and it takes me back to the start blinded by the night but the darkness fools the light thy kingdom come, they will be done I'm living by the gun You are killin' this, girl! Y'all wanna punch in after that second verse? We gotta get that part just right.
Yeah.
Sure.
Why didn't Dynasty know I was coming today? It was just a last minute change.
That's it.
Why did he look like I was talking about a ghost when I mentioned Tariq? What's going on? I'm trying to give you an opportunity; that's what's goin on.
I hurt him.
What? I hurt Tariq.
What are you talking about?