The L Word s01e13 Episode Script

Limb from limb

Take me somewhere So when do I see you again? What are you doing on Thursday night? My neighbor, Bette she's having a thingamajiggy.
What? I have something on Thursday.
Really? Yeah.
Fuck If she asked me today, I would say no.
I would.
You would? Yes.
I have a date tonight.
Oh, you do? I do.
What? I'm a little jealous.
You are? That's good.
Yeah, it is.
Stop.
You don't want this showing up on your credit card statement.
You can't always be in control.
We need a plumber! We're gonna need a carpenter, too, if we're gonna make this place presentable.
I know one.
She's working for Bette at the C.
A.
C.
Her name's Candace.
And she is making a packet, too.
Well, then maybe she'll give us a break.
Yeah? Yeah, call her Okay.
James.
Hey.
It's Tina.
Is, uh, is Bette there? Oh, no, no, no, no, just, uh, have her call me when she gets in.
Um do you happen to have a number for Candace Jewell? Yeah? Good.
Hey! Hi.
So what do you think? I think it's awesome.
I love it.
So why the fuck did you do it? Steve You know, when you're in business with someone, you gotta learn to keep it in your pants when you're around their family.
Now, I already knew my daughter was into girls; that's not news to me.
Maybe she was experimenting.
Maybe it's a phase.
Bottom line is this Steve, I didn't Bottom line is this.
If I'm in business with a guy, and he goes for my daughter, I say, "Is he honest? Is he a good man? Will he treat her right?" Steve, I didn't sleep with your daughter Don't bullshit me, Shane.
'Cause I'm already cuttin' you a whole shitload of slack, here.
Now, one thing, I gotta warn you.
Cherie's on the warpath.
She'll calm down for sure, but right about now, she wants you drawn and quartered.
She doesn't like our kid being gay, you know? No matter how evolved we are, it's still not an easy Look, Shane.
Sh Shane! What the fuck! Cherie, will you open the gate.
Listen, I know you're in there and I'm not leaving 'til you come outside.
Open the gate! Hi.
Look, I just wanted to let you know my parents are really mad right now, but Clea, get out of my car, man.
Look, I don't understand.
The reality of you and me I think is just freaking them out Clea, Clea, Clea, Clea, Clea! There is no reality of you and me! Oh, my God, Shane.
There never was, I've told you that I love someone else! Agh! You know what, I have never seen you with this person! Who is this person? Because it's complicated! You will never see her! I love you, okay! She doesn't! There's no way she's gonna drop everything and be with you, Shane! I need organization, this is not organization! Do you understand what I'm saying, do you see what's wrong?! Cherie.
Cherie! Cherie! You'll both stay in there until you figure it out! Kids.
Get out.
No.
Get out.
Get out.
I'm taking Clea to Paris and I want you out of here, I never want to see you! Listen to me! Again! Ever! Listen to me! Listen! Listen to me! I did not do anything! Allright, she's lying, I swear to God I didn't do it! I would never do that to you.
Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? I swear I would never.
You fucking bitch! Oh, my God! Clea! Clea! Am I interrupting? No, come on in.
How are you? I'm good, how are you? I'm good.
I'm getting organized.
Yeah? Yep.
What? There's something that I want to talk to you about.
Okay.
Jenny, technically, you and I are still married.
We need to get a divorce.
Of course we do.
Found the name of a good lawyer on campus.
Thought maybe we could go.
See him, together.
Okay.
Sweetie? Alice is here.
Can I just? Thanks.
Hi, Dane.
Ohhh.
Poor Mr.
Piddles.
Okay, okay.
Ohh.
I'm so, so sorry.
She's been like this all day.
I tried to get somebody to come and remove it, but she's been sitting there for, like, 3 hours.
Okay.
I know.
Allright, we've gotta make arrangements, right Dane? I mean I'll do anything, right? I'll do anything.
What do you need? Have you thought about what you want? I don't want him cremated.
Okay.
Yeah.
We'll bury him, you want to bury him? You want me to arrange a burial plot? He should have a casket.
You know.
Mahogany.
Only the best for Mr.
P.
You know what, I think we should move the VIP reception to East One.
The Anish Kapur is in there.
It's always good to imbue your major donors with a sense of awe.
But, the Isabella Pernao's there, too.
Don't you think I think it says right out of the gate, we stand behind the show, every facet of it, and we're not about to hide the more challenging pieces for anybody's comfort.
You know, I I still need to discuss security.
Can you make sure that Gavin doesn't leave before I've had a chance to talk with him? I'll let the caterers know about that Great.
Hey big James! Hola, sistah! Mm! Remember you said how important it was to eat? Mm mm.
Well, we picked up a little something at that woo-woo place on La Cienega that you love so much.
You guys went to Real Food Daily.
That is so sweet.
Yeah! Well, Ivan picked it up while I was at my AA meeting.
Oh.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for coming.
Um.
I guess you know what I wanna talk about.
No.
I I'm not sure.
Well, as you can see, we're trying to fix this place up.
And, uh, we need help.
We don't have a lot of money.
But, it's a really great project and, uh, the kids, they just they love it here.
Uh yeah! Anything for the kids.
Can I talk to you for a second? Wanna tell me what you're doing? I was taking out the trash.
No, with her.
She's madly in love with you, you know.
No he's not, we're friends, he helps me out with stuff.
That's because she is in love with you, and she wants to be your husband.
No, it's not like that.
Kit - believe me.
You may not be able to read the signals, but they're there.
I saw the way she looks at you, she is fully courting you old school, and you're letting her.
Oh, is that so! Yeah.
It is.
Well, thank you for the lessons of the ritual mating habits of the indigenous lesbians.
Maybe next week we'll do butch and femme role-play Um, ladies.
I figure we should get going, and let you get on with your business.
You must wanna get home to the little woman sometime tonight.
Gosh, Gene.
This is so much better than dinner and a movie.
Is this how you get all the girls? Truth? Yes please.
I don't really date that much.
Why? Um uh, I was with the same woman for the last 5 years, and and she never really came here, and she hated the fish.
So.
Oh.
You know.
We weren't exactly the greatest match.
What else? Um well, she liked to exercise early, early in the morning, and - No I hate exercise and I hate mornings, so, uh Mm.
I did my thesis on nocturnal behavior.
I never really broke the habit of staying up late.
What do you like to do in the middle of the night? Usually I read.
And, uh she wasn't Jewish.
Oh, Gene.
Is that important to you? No.
No, it's not important.
It's, uh It's just an added bonus.
Was that okay? It's nice Oh, "nice"? Are you serious? No, it was nice.
That's damning with faint praise.
You wanna go meet the seals? I meant it, it was nice.
The seals might change your mind.
About whether or not you're a good kisser.
No.
About your story.
They're way better communicators than manatees.
They even have dialects.
I think you'll love them.
This is where I spend my days.
Gosh.
Yeah, the seals have this amazingly intricate system of communication that lets them settle quarrels without fighting.
It's pretty incredible.
C'mere.
We should be so lucky.
It's very civilized.
Um, you whoa, hey.
You know you don't have to do this.
I want to.
Um.
If I'd know you wan Are are you sure? Mm mm.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
I'm fine.
I'm sorry.
Did did I do something? No, no.
I'm fine.
I don't think you're fine.
You're crying.
I'm so sorry.
Did I hurt you? Uh you okay? Shh, shh.
Oh.
Oh, Jenny.
He looks a little strange.
Yeah.
I think he hasn't really thawed out, yet.
We were afraid he was gonna decompose, so Shane and I put him in the freezer.
How is Shane? She seems preoccupied.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
She's not talkin'.
But I think it has something to do with her and her Hollywood Wife? Answer the phone.
I'm not gonna stop calling until you do, allright? Answer your phone.
Oh, I'm so sorry about Mr.
P.
I know how much he meant to you.
I'm so glad I got to know him before he passed on.
Thanks for taking such good care of him, Kit.
Oh.
I didn't know him.
My condolences.
Ivan.
You heal.
I am so sorry.
This was gonna be your Christmas present.
I want you to unwrap it.
It's by one of my favorite artists, Ed Conlin.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
What is with the twin thing? Are they merging already? Here, would you take this for me? Yeah.
Thanks.
Hi baby! How was your day? I would like to propose a toast, um, to Mr.
Piddles.
To Mr.
P, kitty, well-loved furry feline, we will miss you.
I should say something, right? Everybody.
I just wanted to say to say thank you o much for coming, and um You guys are the best friends anybody could ever have.
It's times like these when you realize what's important.
And those are the people who are there for you.
The ones who got you through, and and the ones you can't live without.
And, um, I've also realized how important Tonya is to me.
And, uh she, more than anyone, has really helped me get through this really terrible time, and I just I just wanted you all to be the first to know.
Just show 'em.
Show 'em.
Tonya and I are engaged! We're getting married! No way.
Shit I'm just you know it's it's just a shame that Mr.
P can't be here to share this with us.
I'm sure he'd be filled with joy like me! It's a conflict of interest! It's not fair to the C.
A.
C.
, and it's not fair to Candace! I'm sorry.
I didn't think it was gonna be such a big deal for you.
I don't know why you're freaking out about it.
'Cause you're exploiting her! She doesn't make that much money, and she might've just felt she had to do it 'cause of me! She seemed happy to do it! She said yes Yes.
Selfish.
I'm gonna have to ask you to move on out of here.
Listen, I'm I'm waiting for someone.
Oh.
Well, you're gonna have to wait somewhere else.
Listen, they're expecting me, allright.
They're gonna be out in a minute No, they won't.
And if you don't get yourself far enough away from their house, you're gonna be in violation of the restraining order they filed against you.
Understand what I'm saying? Shit Tina I'm sorry.
I I overreacted.
Okay.
And, I mean, I don't have to tell you how stressed out I am.
I mean, and I know that doesn't excuse my behavior.
But I think I it would've been a nice thing if you had told me that that you had were talking to someone that I'm working with.
Can we talk about this later? I'm meeting Oscar and Esai.
Can you accept my apology? I accept your apology.
I'm sorry I didn't think to warn you.
We've been a little out of touch.
It'll be over soon, as soon as the show opens Sure.
I'll call you later.
Whenever I get a minute.
Oh, my God.
What have I done? What the fuck am I doing? What am I doing? You're still here.
I wanted to make sure you're okay.
I'm sorry about last night.
You must've thought I was a crazy person.
No.
You just seemed, um really sad.
At least I have some idea of what's going on.
You know it's pretty intense.
My life So, am I, like, the first guy you tried to be with since you fell in love with that woman, and your marriage fell apart, and she dropped you like a hot potato? Yeah.
You're the first guy since Tim.
Maybe you don't wanna be with guys.
No no, I I still like guys.
I do.
I understand if you don't wanna see me again.
Do you wanna see me again? I like you.
I like you, too.
I hope, uh, this is what you wanted.
I just took the liberty of ordering for you, so You know, you always know what, uh, I'm gonna get.
Even before I know it.
I'm gettin' spoiled! Nothing nothing could spoil you.
Nothing.
Ivan, uh I adore you.
I really do.
And you are the finest person I've ever had the privilege of spending time with.
But this it just doesn't feel right.
Uh.
.
what doesn't feel right about it? I I just don't have anything to offer you in return.
Oh, no.
You you you offer me so much.
You can't imagine the you No, Ivan, please.
Please, please, please.
Please.
Just listen to me.
You need to hear this.
I I'm a straight woman.
A two-months-from-50-year lifetime heterosexual woman.
If you if you were a man you would be the perfect man And I know that there are people who could be better for you and just give you what you're looking for.
Do you know what you're looking for, Kit? No.
No, not in the big picture sense that you mean.
Then how do you know I can't give it to you? See ya later.
Who the fuck was that? I don't think that's any of your business.
What? Jenny, this is my house.
I think it's my business if you're fucking some other guy in my house! No.
You and I are getting a divorce.
Look at me! Because you fell in love with another woman! And that relationship has ended.
And now I'm dating other people.
What difference does it make if I'm dating a man or a woman, Tim? The difference is that we were engaged! You were supposedly in love with me! You swore that if you were ever gonna be with a man again, I was the man you were gonna be with! The only man! And I believed it when I said it to you, Tim! But it wasn't true.
Jenny, you've taken our whole relationship turned it into this enormous fucking lie! I don't want you in my life anymore.
It doesn't feel good.
Um.
Do you want me to move out? It's gotta be better than this, right? Yeah.
I know that the sequencing is completely wrong in this room.
I mean, obviously that is an Opie, that is not a Spinace.
So I think what we have to do is to, um Actually, can you do that? Yeah.
I mean I I need uh, 45 minutes in my office.
Jennifer I JDS Jennifer Schecter Jennifer JD am not too sure of who I am because there are several of me.
aka Jen.
They float up from me like phantoms.
Sarah Schuster And slink off to commit acts for which I may or may not be responsible.
Jennifer Diane Schecter is not at all sure whether any of this happened, or whether it was simply a tale as told to JDS, by JD, after a poem by J.
I, JDS.
, Jennifer Schecter JDS have so many selves.
Jennifer.
Jen.
JD.
JDS.
Sarah Schuster.
I don't know where I begin.
Is it time to go? "Provocations" starts at 7:30.
But, you know.
Take your time.
Babe? Have you seen my dress? Are you baby? Sweetheart, c'mon, let's get you out of here.
Baby, we have to have you there in 40 minutes.
Baby, what's going on? You are so exhausted I I am.
I'm exhausted.
You just need to get through today and tonight and then you can crash.
You deserve to just fall apart.
I might.
Well, if you do, I'll take care of you.
Gonna be okay? Hm? Tee? I really I really want us to try again to have a baby.
I want I need us to start our family.
Maybe in a couple of months.
Okay? I need a little time.
And then we'll do it.
We'll start our family.
I just need some time.
Let's get you dressed.
You are beautiful.
Miss Porter, what is "Provocations" about? And follow-up question, Bette, uh, how much is the C.
A.
C.
spending on security? "Provocations" is the edge of our present culture, where we stand and face ourselves before we jump into an unknown future.
Um do you have one of those? I, actually, I have many.
Do you wanna see? Um, no thanks.
Are you sure? Really? Maybe later.
Hor are you? Hey, Trish.
Hi.
How are you.
Gene Feinberg.
Hey.
Tim.
Haspel.
It's good to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
Uh, has she told you she's a dyke? Well, you know, you told me that you were in love with that woman and that now you're sleeping with another woman, but you didn't tell me you were a dyke.
I am so sorry.
Hey, you guys! Hey! Hey, you're here.
Wow, you look, um Alike! No we don't! She's in a skirt! And, stripes! You have to meet Melissa Rivers.
Melissa, honey, hi! Well, I mean She's not that bad.
She's not.
nd until you have some concrete evidence, I'd say drop it.
Allright, I think she killed Mr.
Piddles.
That's what.
Oh, god, why would she do that? Maybe she didn't like the competition! It's because Mr.
Piddles was gonna inherit Dana's fortune and Tonya murdered him so she could be the next in line, right? Right? Drop it.
C'mon.
She's so fucking cranky.
If you ever come near my wife or my daughter, there's not one street in this town you won't be able to walk down without fearing for your life.
You understand me? Candace.
Hi, congratulations.
The displays look so beautiful.
Thank you, thanks.
Hey, Tina, this is my friend, Mikela.
Hi.
You look beautiful.
Doesn't she? Hi, I'm Bette Porter.
Mikela Michaels.
Looks a lot different than it did earlier this morning, doesn't it? It's a triumph for you.
Oh, not for me.
For the artists.
And the piece in the other room? "Jesus" "Jesus Is In Me.
" That one's absolutely amazing.
The artists, uh, is right over there, Isabella Pernao.
The chairman of my board is making strange hand signals.
I'd better go.
Tina? Actually, there's a whole school of thought on animal desire, which extends way beyond just the instinct to reproduce.
Um for example, same-sex walruses have been seen uh kissing one another, which, uh, can't really be explained in terms of biological imperative.
So, I mean, it certainly implies What are you doing here? Is this your Thursday night thingamajiggy? He's cute.
Um this is Gene.
This is Robin.
Hi, Gene.
Nice to meet you.
This is sort of awkward.
Hi, Jenny And you are? Hi, I'm Gene.
I'm Marina.
Marina.
Robin, I want you to meet Dana.
Um do you wanna go? Uh, it's cool No, I wanna go, okay? Yeah, yeah, let's go.
What's going on? You heard him.
He'll kill you.
You know my entire life, people have said that I would become a psychopath if I didn't learn how to feel.
But I wanna know, Cherie, what the fuck is so great about feeling? Because I finally let myself.
And I feel like my heart's been completely ripped out.
I'm sorry.
I had this insane idea that you and I could be together.
Because it felt real.
It was a delusion.
Then I'm delusional.
Because, I swear you felt the same way about me.
What if I did? What difference would it make? What if, in the time we spent together, I felt more alive than I have in the last 20 years of my life? What if that were true? Do you think that I would leave my husband? My child, my houses in Bel Air and East Hampton, my trips to Paris? My black tie galas? To run to some rank little love nest, with a 25-year-old assistant hairdresser who barely has her foot in the door? In this fucking ugly world, that kind of love does not exist.
Hey, Tina.
I I wanted to tell Bette how proud I am of her, but she's with some bigwigs or something, so would you tell her I'll call her tomorrow? Yeah, I will.
It's nice to meet you again, Ivan.
Take care.
Take care.
I had such a good time tonight.
Oh! Made me feel so good.
I feel a little high! There, you see, that's a beautiful thing, you know, you don't need dope, you don't need booze, you got everything you need.
- Yeah - Right here.
Ivan what I said the other day I just want you to know that I appreciate everything you do for me.
Wait right here.
Do you want some tea? Sure.
Hey What are you doing here? Uh, Tim let me in.
Jen I I swear to God, I had no idea you and Marina even knew each other.
Okay? I mean, she totally set us up, here.
And for what it's worth, I was gonna stop seeing her after tonight.
It's no wonder I never was really into her, I I'm I Well.
I'm sorry.
Do you want me to leave? I don't know.
Maybe before you make your decision, you should listen to your phone machine.
Perhaps you'll want us both to go.
The message came in when I was sitting here.
I couldn't help but hear it.
Jenny It's Marina.
I'm sorry.
Seeing Robin, and bringing her tonight I think I'm in love with you.
I know I am.
And I would do anything to have another chance.
Oh, fuck! Yeah You know I should probably be the one to go.
Gene, no, I should go.
I'm No, no I don't want either of you to leave.
I know.
I saw it I'm sorry.
Fuck you!! I love you.
.
Hi.
I have to talk.
What.
What's going on? It's 4 am.
I know.
Are you okay? You can't marry Tonya.
Sweetie, are you okay, do you need me? No.
No, no, it's okay.
What are you talking about, why? Because.
Because why? Oh, God.
Okay.
Gotta go.
Gotta go.
Fuck, Alice, what the fuck are you doing? Oh, my God.
Tina? Tina, what are you doing here? Hey.
You okay? What? I'm sorry, I just, um What's going on? I just let myself, in, um That's okay.
I was, uh wondering if I could stay here for a little while.
Yeah Tina, what happened? What happened? Hey.
Stop.
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon.
Okay.
It's okay.
I've got you.
I've got you.