The Life and Movies of Erşan Kuneri (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

The Midwife's Hunt

1 A NETFLIX SERIES What's up, Mami? Erşan, they gave our movie three stars.
Critics made very good comments.
I wish there was a little more sex.
MAJORITY The sales of Helpmate soap are going great.
- They're selling like hotcakes.
- Awesome.
What the hell? Hello.
Seyyal, what are you doing here? I'm doing who I'm doing.
Mami, we decided to look at the montage of Dry Murad again.
Because some movies come together during the montage.
Take it.
Go ahead, baby.
Keep it up.
Dry Murad, huh? Even without saliva.
FRIDAY THE 13TH Dear audience, the movie is about to start in theater number three.
Hey, Tumtum, what's up? - Hello, Erşan.
- What's up? You're here for the movie? - No, I was just passing by.
- Passing by how? And popcorn? - Look, I brought a book.
- A book for what? - Who are you seeing the movie with? - With my aunt.
- Where is she? - I'm waiting for her.
- Are you here with someone too? - No.
You go in.
I'll tell your aunt that you're inside.
No, you go, and I'll tell the lady that you're inside when she gets here.
What lady? I'm alone here.
What's with the Philosophy 101? - What's with the two tickets? - Philosophy 101, wait a minute.
- Who did you come with? - I haven't come with anybody yet.
I hope I will.
- But who did you come with? - I didn't come with anyone.
You go in.
Oh Erşan, I'm really scared, but I'm a sucker for these movies.
What's up, İbrahim? Good, Seyyal.
Enjoy the movie.
He's here with someone for the movie, but he's not Oh, hel Wow, what a surprise! - Hello, Erşan.
- Hello.
So she's Philosophy 101.
- You're here for Friday the 13th as well? - Yes.
- Did I make you wait long? - No, I was reading the book.
I was curious about the book as well.
- You think it's gonna be too scary? - I'm already scared.
- Let's go.
- Come on.
- Come on.
- Let's get scared.
I swear on my dead aunt, she invited me.
Philosophy 101.
After you.
You fucker.
Bring it over, son.
Here you go.
I'll work very carefully on it.
Muammer, why would you - Doesn't it lose its potency like this? - It does lose its potency.
But its reputation remains.
- And I'm not filling it up.
See? Gently.
- Yes.
Hey, have either of you ever run a place in your life? Huh? You haven't.
So? Why are you running your mouths, then? Muammer, speaking of running a business, when do you think we'll get our payments for Dry Murad? Well, it looks like you will get it.
Take a sip and tell me how it is.
- Over-steeped for me.
- You can have yours less strong, then.
The steepness is fine, but there's too little whiskey in it.
- This isn't even whiskey.
- Guys! This is not the first glass of whiskey, it's the fourth or fifth.
You gotta think like a bar owner.
Oh no.
Oh, it's terrible.
I'm sorry.
Oh, it was terrible.
It's too dark and too crowded.
This is as good as it gets.
Whenever that axe comes up, I feel weird.
You? I'm curious about how they appeal to the collective consciousness.
How can these fears be so common? That is very intriguing.
And why? The axe is just a metaphor.
Shall I put my jacket in between us? I don't get it.
The jacket.
The popcorn bucket has a hole at the bottom.
And it's dark.
Whoa, what's that about? Would you please let me watch the movie now? Sure, yeah.
- Watch that.
- Excuse me.
Yes? I'd like to have some of your popcorn if possible.
This service is reserved for acquaintances.
What? Maybe I'm scared too.
You're feeling delusion, not fear.
Call the fire department.
Throw away that tasteless gum sitting next to you.
It's a good genre.
I like it.
Horror, I mean.
We can consider it.
You be the devil and get inside me.
No, the audience would expect me.
They'd want to see me.
Let's not do that.
Okay, make a movie, but I want to die last.
- It's possible.
- Could be.
- Okay.
- Promise? You'll die last.
I give you my word.
Erşan's word.
- If it's raki, add hot water.
- Hello all.
Wow, what's wrong? Why are you having whiskey at noon? I'm not drinking, Alev.
It gives me palpitations.
- Alev, dear.
- Thanks, Mami.
What's that, girl? Oh, a Golden Peach Award or something.
That's what he said.
I don't know.
Some guy came by at 2 a.
He as drunk.
He wouldn't leave.
- Can I have a look? - Sure.
It's a fake.
This is a prop.
Someone has fooled you.
Oh shoot.
I was so happy that I was given an award.
What's this? "To Alev, the queen of my heart.
" What kind of an award is that? Whatever.
I'll give it to my maid at home, then.
Now I'm annoyed.
Pour me a glass of that stuff.
Alev, these aren't ready to drink yet.
Go behind the bar and get whatever you want.
All right, then.
Alev, dear? Did you get a payment for Dry Murad by any chance? You will get it, darling.
No one is left unpaid here.
Stop stirring up trouble or I'll fuck you up.
Don't jinx the business, or you'll bring misfortune upon us.
You get back what you give.
Watch and learn, assholes.
Learn how to become a team player.
What did I say? Say something for a change.
If you had - That's enough.
- Well.
I'm off now.
See you tonight.
Take a look at me.
You boys are amazing.
Really amazing.
- Alev, ma'am? - Baby? You're shining today.
- Really? - Alev, girl.
I swear, you're really shining.
I'm just a little sweaty.
Don't make me laugh.
Well, see you tonight.
- Alev, wait.
- Yes, dear.
What are these dummies talking about, huh? Why don't you come by my place tonight? I bought some good records.
We can listen to them.
You're crazy.
Bye, then.
I'm off.
- What's up, Eryetiş? - Same old.
All right, then.
Man, I feel weird.
What did you make us drink? Hey, listen.
Why did you get creepy with Alev, huh? I've no idea.
I couldn't stop myself.
I don't know what happened.
For real.
 Alev, what's going on? Oh! I almost fell.
- What's up, girls? - Alev.
- Do you realize how beautiful you look? - Yes, I do.
- Where have you guys been? - At the Friday thing.
- May God hear your prayers.
- Friday the 13th, girl.
It was scary.
- I strongly recommend it.
- I don't like brute strength.
- What are you doing? - What's that smell? She smells like mothballs.
Come on.
- Move it, come on.
- It's weird.
You went to the movies without even asking me? It was just for research.
I'm gonna make a horror movie.
- And I promise you, you'll die last.
- You swear on your life? Sure, but I'll be dead long before you.
- Promise? - Erşan's word.
- Meaning? - I swear on the Qur'an.
One can only hope.
See you tonight.
- Do you see anything different with me? - Everything about you is different.
Bye, then.
- Why did Alev leave? - Who are you? What do you mean? You'll die last in the movie.
Erşan, I found this under the bar.
- What's this? Pickles? - God! This is sorcery! - What? - Alev was the last one behind the bar.
It's on her.
Oh my, it's taking effect already! Give me that.
God help us! What sorcery is this? Guys, listen to me.
I have years of experience.
A binding spell is made for binding people to yourself.
I guess she's jealous of me.
My poor, dear big sister.
We've known Alev for years.
Why would she do this to us? And she's like an angel.
Could we be accusing her falsely? Muammer, listen.
If Alev is gonna be accused of things like that, I'll fucking tear this place down! - Fuck this! - He's got a knife! Let go of my arm, and I'll end this! Drop the knife! Tumtum, drop it! - I'll carve Alev on my arm.
- Guys, please.
You shut the fuck up! You've just joined us! Enough with the fancy talk.
Don't be such a smartass! The shit you dumped hasn't reached the sea yet! Asshole! You didn't even let me put my hands on you! İbrahim, listen to yourself! They're under a spell.
- It can't be.
Sorcery is nonsense.
- Babe, just look at them.
Alev! - Guys, I think I'm dying.
- I think I feel better.
- Is this whiskey? - No, it's not whiskey! You don't know what you're saying.
Pull yourselves together.
A binding and hatred spell.
This is definitely it.
Those blue beads are me.
A page from a book, with burnt edges.
It says "Plato.
" Definitely Feride.
- That could be me too.
- Oh, fuck off! These are the men.
The cucumbers? This is discrimination, humiliation.
What about the nails? Don't even ask.
Where is the binding happening? I don't understand.
Payro, isn't it obvious, man? - They're just cucumbers.
- How will you break it? - Feride.
- Yeah? - Go pee on this page and come back.
- Oh, come on.
Babe, go pee on it.
All right! Fine.
All right, fine.
And we'll wash the beads with alcohol.
- Here.
- No, man! Please, don't do this now! Don't screw with us now! It's not alcohol! - Payro, get that whiskey.
- Okay.
- Bring the small bottle.
- Just bring one.
I'll take that.
- What about the cucumbers? - We'll take the nails out.
Let's not dwell on which one's for whom.
Let's just smash them and be done with it at once.
Now, Seyyal, since they have different sizes, let's do something that will stay between us.
All right.
Shall I start with the smallest one? If you feel something, let us know.
Oh, fucking fuck! That's what I thought.
- I'm leaving.
- Hold on a minute.
Are you okay? Alev! Fuck Alev and everything else.
- You can't talk about Alev like that! - Calm down.
- He's fine.
 Don't go anywhere.
Stay here.
- His spell's broken.
This must be me.
If that's Erşan, then the other one is probably me.
Okay, all right, whatever.
You're not gonna believe this, but I feel relieved after peeing.
I'm pulling it out.
Okay, drop the act.
Pull it out.
Wait a minute, I'm at a loss here.
You mean these sizes are This is just disgraceful.
This is humiliation.
This is not sorcery.
The humiliating part is over.
These are quite reasonable.
All right, I admit that this one's mine.
We'll be the judge of that, Tumtum.
- Was that yours? - Yes.
Okay, then.
You're okay with this, right? Sure.
It's either one of them.
I'm pulling it out.
Altın, you've been blessed.
I'm pulling this one out too.
Seyyal, thanks, dear.
But let's keep this between us.
- I'd be crazy to let anyone know.
- It's just nonsense.
Is there anything abnormal now? No.
- So, sorcery is real.
- This is mass hysteria.
Anyway, we survived a real disaster.
Thanks, Seyyal.
We lost our privacy, but we're a team now.
But it saddens me that one of us stooped so low, casting a spell to be loved.
Of course, there'll be a price to pay.
Thank you, Seyyal.
Alev, welcome, babe.
Good evening, Erşan.
It's a little too early for that, don't you think? You're hilarious.
It's late, even.
What happened? Don't ask.
My designer lamps have been acting up all evening.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you something about that movie you mentioned yesterday.
The one you want to make.
You told me that I would be the last one to die in that horror movie.
I mean - What's going on? - Nothing.
And? Okay.
Are you really sure about making a horror movie? We have never done anything in that genre before.
It makes me nervous.
Pickles, babe? - Later.
- Sorry.
There's a nail left in it.
Excuse me.
Someone's at the door.
Come in, please.
Are you nuts? - Look.
- Hello.
Good evening.
- I hope we didn't interrupt anything.
- We were talking about the movie.
Feride, show her what you have with you.
Ta-da! A Ouija board.
Alev, babe, a séance! What do you say? We can get in the mood before the movie.
What do I know about séances? Is it okay if I use a wig for the movie? My hair is falling out in clumps.
- What's that? - It's been like this all evening.
My teeth feel funny.
If I pull one of them, it comes out like this.
And my eyes keep rolling around.
I wonder what happened.
- Tumtum, would you like some pickles? - No.
I brought my own.
He's really something.
I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.
Very good.
- That was awesome.
- Thanks.
She shat herself.
Dear Lord, ruler of Earth, absolve me of my sins.
Oh God.
Altın! What are you doing? Alev? I was in the bathroom, but you didn't see me.
Alev, everyone out there is crazy.
Let's get away from here.
You're in my dreams! What the hell are you talking about? Erşan! Erşan! What's going on? He scared me in the bathroom.
Who pulls pranks like that? - I'm shaking all over.
- Alev.
We're all here, babe.
You're acting really strange today.
Coming! Come in.
Good evening.
What's up, babe? Why did you scare me in the bathroom? Have you no shame? - I've just arrived, Alev.
- Just fuck off! Come in.
Erşan, I come bearing a 28-year-old whiskey.
It's from Rize.
Alev, hon, you ditched me today, but look how I found you here.
Stop it, Mami.
- Is the table set? - Come on.
Let's not wait.
It's time.
- Do you have a specific time for that? - There's a time for everything.
- Come here, come on.
- Come on, then.
- Alev, how are you? - I'm fine.
Why are you asking? I don't understand where you guys got the idea for a séance.
YES - NO GOODBYE Feride, start explaining.
First of all, everyone needs to believe.
Anyone interested in parapsychology? - What do you mean? - Like fortune-telling, spells, etc.
Well, I do believe, but I don't know.
All right.
Whose spirit will we summon? My brother-in-law Gültekin, maybe? Real funny guy.
Alev, who shall we summon? Don't try to drag me into this, or you'll end up summoning me.
All right, let's summon Alev.
Oh my God.
What the hell? - Can we summon a living person? - Yeah, sure.
- Yes.
- Give me some water from there.
Not whiskey, just water.
They're both the same.
Erşan, say something.
Why me? Don't summon me, I won't come.
All right, man, summon me.
Okay, we'll summon Tumtum.
Alev, shall we dim the lights? What the hell, Mami? Put some basins under us, then.
Now we have to join hands.
- Come on.
- Let's just do it.
- Sure.
- All right.
From the realm of spirits, İbrahim Tumtum.
From the realm of spirits, İbrahim Tumtum.
This is fucking ridiculous.
"From the realm of spirits, İbrahim Tumtum.
" - Shut up! - Stop laughing, prick.
Come on.
- Come on.
- Oh come on, you.
From the realm of spirits, İbrahim Tumtum.
He's coming.
Stop being silly.
You're shaking it.
We're holding hands, babe.
What am I shaking it with? - Let go of my hand.
- No! He'll die! He's coming.
That's how İbo comes.
He's foaming at the mouth! He came.
I am İbrahim Tumtum's spirit.
Holy shit! It's his own voice.
Erşan, you, I like.
İbo, welcome, dear.
Welcome, İbrahim.
Ask me what you want to ask.
Tumtum, were you able to get a payment for Dry Murad? İbrahim, are body and soul two separate entities? I mean, Feride You're asking İbrahim this? İbo, how are you? Are you well? No, I'm not.
Someone put a spell on me.
- Oh my God! - What spell? To make you an asshole? Guys, please don't make fun of this.
Be serious! Not just me.
A spell is on you too.
- What? - Good God.
Who? - But who? - Who? - Focus on the board.
I'll spell.
- Let's put our fingers on it.
Come on.
Come on.
It's moving.
Erşan! Don't be silly.
It clearly says "Fahri.
" Damn you in God's every possible way.
Seriously, shame on you! Asshole! Don't you feel sorry for my hair? Well Wait Stop lying, Tumtum.
I would never do that! My spirit! Whoever did this, they must come clean now! I can't hold the table anymore! I swear I didn't cast any spells.
Okay, that's enough! It's moving inside him! Whoever it is, speak, and we'll make up.
Or I will leave this body! It's leaving.
Who? - Okay, don't leave! - It's leaving.
I did it! Speak the truth! Okay, I did it! I did it so you would love me more! May God punish me.
I'll never do it again! Congratulations, you won! Putting a spell on us? We're the spell itself! Assholes, you almost killed me.
Was it fun putting a spell on us? You're like a big sister to us.
Our precious! Okay, I'm sorry.
- Hey, there's nothing inside you, right? - No.
There's only love.
Do you forgive me? On one condition.
I'll be the last one to die in the new movie.
All right, you can die.
I fell on my hip and my ass is all crooked now.
I'll deal with your ass.
A doctor will prescribe a physical, too.
The name of our new movie is Midwife's Hunt.
Are you fucking Don't play word games with me! - Payro.
- Yes? Good job with the footprints on the ceiling.
I didn't do that.
You still haven't touched your food.
Come on, I have to go to work.
Finish your breakfast.
Are you the one bringing other kids into the world, Mom? Yes, son.
Why? I wish I could be the only kid.
I wish there were no other kids.
Well, son, you know I'm a midwife.
I mean, it's my job.
It's what I do.
But I'm always home alone.
Look, I draw pictures like this.
Like what? I drew these while you were here.
And these when you weren't, Mommy.
Who's this? It's that kid.
This? That's you.
And that's the midwife's That's very rude.
Don't say that.
I was going to say "son.
" That's me.
The midwife's son.
Oh, my boy.
- Mom? - Yes? Please don't leave me.
What? Son, why would I ever leave you? Come on now, I need to get to work.
Finish your breakfast.
Come on.
Why would I ever leave you? Dear God.
Be good, okay? And finish all of this.
Şefik will be good MIDWIFE'S HUN The location of the house is amazing.
The location of the lot is amazing.
Wonderful! I hope it's here.
Am I right, Nükhet? In the forest with these high heels - Menteş! - Fear not, I'm here! If this is part of the will, I'll make this a writing house and deliver my best works here.
I love it.
I hope it's here.
It could be a hunting lodge.
A warm and safe hunting lodge.
Namık Ekün.
I'm a HUSH commando.
We don't do hunting or anything like that.
Are you the solicitor? Greetings.
I'm Menteş.
This is my wife, Nükhet.
I'm a HUSH commando.
Dogs Did you say solicitor? I'm not a solicitor.
Fahrettin has invited me over for a hunting party.
They told us 40 They told us number 45.
We have a small matter of inheritance.
Rasim Bağcı, solicitor.
We're here because he called us.
That's weird.
I have the same address.
Would you help me, please? - Come, wife.
- Stop, Pippi.
Maybe she's the solicitor.
We've obviously come to the wrong place.
Is Fahrettin's hunting party here? Someone's prepared a refreshment table inside.
A simple presentation.
I looked around, but there's no one.
I wonder if you're the psychic.
A psychic? Menteş! Good gracious me.
I am Menteş! Menteş Dağlar.
You? Monique Baldi.
And this is Pippi.
- Where was the presentation? - Inside.
Let's go, Nükhet.
Something's wrong.
I came all the way over here.
I can't resist it.
The word "psychic" is enough to make me excited.
- Are you curious about the future? - No, mostly the past.
In my previous life, I was a Spanish slave.
Don't hit me.
Please, show me mercy.
I haven't done anything wrong.
Please, don't hit me.
Please! Los ricos también lloran.
"The rich also cry.
" This way.
Menteş, come on.
Wait, darling.
Come on.
Very nice.
Hey, you! I'm Cevdet.
Are you Sabri? I'm Menteş, his brother.
Cevdet? Ali, the liver chef's son? What's going on? Have you come from Kocamustafapaşa too? Yes.
Monique Baldi.
Rachel's sister.
We went to the same school.
In gym class, your sweatpants tore while doing somersaults, and your ass was on show.
That Monique? I don't remember.
- You said you were a slave in Spain.
- I remember that.
So strange! We're all from the same neighborhood.
- I'm Namık.
- Namık? I don't really remember you.
I rarely went out when I was a kid.
Good day to you.
Is the Byzantine coin auction being held here? Raising it! - Going once! - Going twice! And sold! I know you.
The sons of filthy Bahriye! Taner and Şener.
Yes! They gave us the same address, but different reasons.
I wonder why they gathered us here.
I'm sure it's not for the neighborhood reunion.
What nonsense.
Boo! God damn it! What the heck? I hope someone doesn't kill us here, one after the other.
That's ridiculous.
Not on my watch.
What's that? Oh my God.
That's a cassette player.
Menteş, let's go.
The doors.
They've locked the doors! What do you mean? It opens inwards.
Play that, will you? So? That's weird.
Could it be a code? I missed you so much, Mommy.
Take me into your arms.
I missed you.
- Scaring us with a kid voice? - My mommy is so beautiful! What is this? I live in her arms I want to be next to her all the time The door is actually locked this time.
Recorded over a folk dance song.
Mentes, let's leave.
Menteş, take off your glasses now! I am your son, Mommy Holy fuck! Stay with me, Mommy I warned you.
The one with the glasses dies first.
I missed you so much, Mommy.
I missed you.
My mommy is so beautiful Wait, the knife might be poisonous.
Oh, is that it? Turn this off! How could this happen? We were all here.
Who came into the room? How is this possible? We came here for the inheritance.
Maybe this is what you'll inherit.
The dog's not here.
The dog hasn't been here for a while.
A simple error in continuity.
I guess you didn't notice.
That animal isn't dumb enough to stay.
And we're making a mistake by staying.
The killer is one of us.
Or two of us.
We'll be leaving.
- Let's go.
- Don't you dare.
- We couldn't even hurt a chicken.
- Are you kidding us? Oh really? Menteş, please say it's a joke.
- Is this a habit of his? - Yes.
He just did it! Cevdet, hand me a napkin, please.
Yes, the knife is in his hand's reach.
Maybe the killer is him.
It all started as a simple joke, and he couldn't stop himself.
Oh, for God's sake.
- No one leaves this place.
- Where are you going? I'm coming too.
It's not safe outside.
I'll have a look around.
It's better you stay together.
Cevdet, call the cops.
Nükhet, I feel your pain.
- Can I get you something to drink? - You were supposed to call the cops.
- Why did you hesitate? - Is there something wrong? Taner! Şener! Quickly! Get behind us, Nükhet and Monique.
Somehow, I don't trust you at all, Cevdet.
Call the cops now.
Give me a minute.
I'll call them.
- Oh, he'll call them.
- Yeah, right.
"I was going to call them.
" Şener, call them.
- What was the number? - All right, just let me call them.
The door was locked from the outside.
The killer is not one of us.
- Where did you get the chicken? - You said you couldn't hurt a chicken.
- Let's see if you're telling the truth.
- This has gone on for too long.
I'm calling.
We can't call the cops now.
It's too dangerous.
Taner! - Taner's gone! - Gone how? Taner? Taner! We need to get out of here, now.
Out! Quickly! No way! So what? He's dead.
Okay, I'm putting it back.
Here you go.
- Okay? You happy now? - Okay, enough.
- Did it hit the bone? - Okay, stop.
Leave it to me.
- Dear God.
- Is it stuck? - Yes, it is.
- Hold this.
- It won't come out.
It's stuck in a bone.
- It might be.
- Let me.
- Wait.
Hang on a minute.
That's enough! I'm leaving.
Taner! Taner! - Open it, dammit! - I can't.
- Taner! - It's locked.
Stop messing with it.
Taner! Şener? I can hear him.
Don't go in there.
Come on, open that curtain.
Open it.
Get out of the house! What? Come on.
Taner! It's not opening! Pull it harder.
You want some hot pepper on it? That would kill me.
Taner! Taner! Şener! Hold this.
Come on, turn it! Oh, woman! I'm doing my best.
What are you yelling for? It's not opening.
Come here.
Namık is gone too.
The drawings.
The cassette player.
- Shall I press the button? - Yes.
How else can we get any information? - Hold this.
- Give it.
Should we put it on his body so he doesn't bloat up? Leave that! Whatever.
Can you guess who I am? I am my mother's boy.
I'm the son of the mother who left his little kid at home just to wash you with warm water and cuddle you.
Mom brought you into this world.
I'll take you from it.
Who's that? My midwife! That's my midwife! Cevdet's, Menteş', Taner and Şener's midwife.
Mine too.
Our midwife is the same person.
Mama Adalet! I figured it out! Mama Adalet.
But who is that? Is that Mama Adalet's son, Şefik? But she wasn't my midwife.
What's all this got to do with me? - Come on, quickly.
- Wait a second.
If the midwife's son has a problem with you guys, he won't kill me.
- Then I don't care.
- No, wait a second.
Menteş, check.
But who is Namık, then? Well, Namık is the HUSH commando.
Or Şefik, the midwife's son! She wasn't my midwife.
It's too late now.
Monique Baldi! You're the last one standing.
Fucking midwife! - Stay away.
Don't come! - Stop talking.
Stop or I'll kill you! Are you crazy? I'm telling you to stop! - Stay away! - I won't die! I've missed my mom so much, but I won't join her.
- You'll die! - I won't! You're gonna die first, then I'll die.
- This one, or this one? - I have a knife! - Which one? - Drop it if you're tough! - I am tough.
- Then drop it! Come on! I am tough.
Tough Yeah, you were.
What a relief! It's not that easy, you son of a bitch! My name is Cevo.
I do not die so easily.
It's over, right? It's over, babe.
It's all over.
No way, the midwife's Hunt.
You behaved, didn't you, son? I did, Mommy.
THE END Subtitle translation by: Diana Renker, Marc Seyers
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