The Life and Times of Tim (2008) s02e02 Episode Script

The Comeback Sermon; Atlantic City

* now you're looking at a man that's getting kinda mad * * I had lots of luck but it's all been bad * * no matter how I struggle and strive * * I'll never get out of this world alive.
* - Amy: Hello? - Hey.
Tim? - It's me, your old boyfriend.
- Hi.
- Little drop-by.
Yeah, you don't live here anymore.
I know that.
I need to get some things.
Can you buzz me up? My stuff still there? Yeah, it's all in a plastic garbage bag.
Everything I own is in a garbage bag? - Yeah.
- You didn't put in a-- - At least a cardboard box? - Do you want it? You don't find that disrespectful? - Coming down.
- You're coming down? Great talking to you.
Stu, thanks again for letting me crash here.
My plezz.
- I know you don't have a lot of space.
No, I actually think it's good to have someone in bed with me.
It means I probably won't have any episodes.
What does that mean? - I have night terrors.
- Night terrors? - Yeah yeah yeah.
- What are you terrified of? Fire, drowning, being buried alive, '86 mets, lime tostitos.
What do I do if it happens? Do I just slap you or something? Like I'm an hysterical woman from the '20s? No.
- Wake you up? - You give me a bear hug And you stick a wallet in my mouth so I don't chew down on my tongue.
I didn't realize you had so many issues.
Take a look at me.
It's okay, stu.
It's okay, tim's here.
You're in bed.
whoops.
Uh-oh.
whoa.
Knock it off.
What the hell is going on? It's okay, it's okay.
He's a friend of mine.
- Really? Put that down.
He's gonna have to pay for that, man.
No no, he's a good guy.
Get him in a bear hug.
What? - Just get him in a bear hug.
No, I'm not gonna put him in a bear hug.
- Put that down, man! - Put your wallet in his mouth.
- No.
- Are these sun chips? Where are the pringles? Where are the pringles? Aisle 4.
- Hey, stu.
- Aisle 4? - You awake? - What's up, guys? He refus to put his wallet in your mouth, just for the record.
Why didn't you use your wallet? My wallet was a christmas present.
You know, tim, you're a real piece of work.
Oh, debbie, thanks for letting me stay here.
- Anytime, sugar.
- Stu has night terrors.
- Oh, he has night terrors? Yeah.
- Oh, warm milk, baby.
And schnapps.
I'll tell him.
- Okay, I'm gonna get some work done.
- So you just go to bed.
- I tend to wake uearly.
I'll make the coffee in the morning.
- Oh, you're an angel! - Yeah.
So don't break those wings while you sleep.
- All right, good night.
- You have a good night.
- Hey, baby! - What? It's so cold out! Why don't you come up for some company? - What's going on? - Oh, baby, I'm just trying to get a little work done.
You don't have to go downstairs or outside? No, baby.
I watched this show on "oprah.
" It wasn't her.
It was white, but she was overweight.
- Maury povich? - Maury povich.
Yeah? - Yes.
He was saying how many modern women In an effort to balance work and family lives, They've started working from home.
Doesn't that seem smart? Some fields lend itself to the home office more than others.
- Hang on to that thought.
- Okay.
Hey, you! Yes, you, The one with the scar all over his face.
No, let him stay out there.
Don't you take that tone with me.
- No.
I got a man up here who'll do something to your ass! No, tell him I'm sleeping.
- You wanna talk to my man? - No.
Oh, tim, I think he wants to talk to you.
Tim.
Oh, hey.
Boss.
- What are you doing here? - Why are you here so early? I'm hiding muffins in cubicles to raise morale.
- Hiding muffins? Well, we're facing some layoffs and I want to balance it all out.
So muffins! You know what I mean? - You can't get an intern to do that? - Didn't think of that.
Anyway, I'm just sleeping here.
I hope you don't mind.
My girlfriend kicked me out You sound very depressed about all this.
It's not my high moment in life.
What do I smell? Hey, mbe you should have a look in - What are you talking about? - That drawer.
Why don't you slide open the old drawer there? Oh.
That really lifts my spirits! - Problem solved.
- Not exactly.
I still need a place to sleep.
The muffin-- - Tim! - Yeah? I have this ridiculously enormous townhouse and my wife is away.
- That's amazing.
- I'm desperately lonely.
- It's really too much.
- You should do exactly what I do.
You stay at a hotel so you can be around people.
Oh, I thought you were offering up one of the rooms.
Noo no.
Don't be absurd.
I'm offering up the concept That you can go stay in a hotel.
I'm aware that hotels exist.
I can't afford them.
Fine, go to the ymca.
- It's getting worse now.
- What are you talking about, worse? - That's a cool place.
- It's cool? Young man, there's a place you can go.
- It's too early for this.
- I said, young man, When you're short on your dough No, I'm gonna go back to sleep.
- You can stay there.
- It's 5:00 a.
M.
- I'm sure you will find - No, don't do it.
Many ways to have a good time.
Bum bum bum bum bum.
* it's fun to stay at the y-m-c-a! * Hi, welcome to the ymca, how can I help you? Uh, I need a room.
- Really? - That surprises you? - It does.
- Why? I mean, people usually use this place as a gym.
You know, the guest rooms, they haven't really been popular - Since around about the '70s.
- When they sang the song? They sang the song and there was a big influx of people around here To, you know, have gay sex Wi closeted gay men generally.
But it's still a good place for me to sleep.
Absolutely, if you don't mind sleeping amongst The ghosts of gay sex, you know? Count me in.
You have any discounts? Sure, if you're a troubled youth you get a 10% discount.
Okay.
- Then if you're a runaway you also get a 10% discount.
No.
- Plus you get unlimited steam and sauna, Which is really nice for the runaways.
Listen, put me down as a troubled youth.
I've got a lot on my mind.
Oh, boy, I'm sorry.
Your troubles have aged you too.
- Yeah.
You got the key? - No, I can't give you the key.
First, you need to attend a mandatory counseling session for troubled youths.
- I don't need that.
- Well I'm not that troubled.
Joey, you can't punch people in the face.
Why don't you write a poem? This is not worth the 10% discount.
- Priest: Timbo? - What? - Tim! - The priest? You crazy son of a bitch! - What'd you call me? - Crazy son of a bitch tim.
- Are you troubled also? - I counsel on tuesdays.
That's nice.
- What are you doing here, tim? - Amy kicked me out.
- Oh, boy.
- That's a sad story.
- Yeah.
Anyway, tim, you're not staying here.
- I'm not? You're gonna stay with me in my sweet loft.
- No, I couldn't.
- Exposed bricks - I don't wanna put you out.
-Stainless steel g.
E.
Appliances.
- I know it's a great space.
- Great space.
It's the tits.
Uh, they frown upon that, you know.
- What? Troubled youth sleeping in the priest's house? Yes.
- I want the kid to sleep in my loft.
Grab your crap.
Let's go, tim.
Okay, timbo, so this will be your slping area.
- Wow.
- Wait.
What's this? - Check this bitch out.
- Oh my god! - Where'd that come from? - This is Mechanical waterbed, baby.
I've gotta say, this is an amazing place.
Well, you know what I tried to do, timbo? I tried to decorate it to how I'd imagine heaven to be.
Don't you think it's got that vibe? More like a hard rock hotel.
Really? I imagine heaven to be something like the hard rock.
I don't think heaven would have a shark tank.
You don't think so? - I think it would be pretty high-end like this.
How about this statue of me as a centaur? Can't picture it.
I gotta say thanks for doing all this for me.
- Oh, come on.
- This is absolutely amazing.
Happy to help out.
I can really relate to your situation.
- Why? - My situation.
Don't tell me you broke up with dina.
The church is cracking down on their whole no-girlfriends- for-priests policy.
- That's too strict.
- It's super strict.
- Priests should be able to-- - have girlfriends.
And now I'm on probation for two months.
That's too bad.
- Sitting here in this bitchen loft, Cut off from my congregation.
- That's awful.
- But you know what? This Sunday is my big comeback sermon.
- That's good.
Now I'm living clean [ are you? - Straight and narrow.
- Inspirational story.
You know what we should do tonight? - Have a little prayer? - Go clubbing.
That was a weird segue.
You misunderstood me, tim.
For your sake, We need to find you a nice girl.
- For my sake? - I'll be your wingman.
You? - What better wingman than a priest, tim? I'm forbidden from touching the flesh of a woman.
That actually makes sense.
Stu, tim and priest going into the club.
This trio-- this trio could work.
That's right.
- It's all about you tonight, buddy.
Tim's night, baby.
- And maybe a little taste for stu-balls.
A little taste for stu-balls, but mostly tim.
Got a little wait here, I guess.
Well then, maybe I should rehearse for tomorrow.
You boys wanna hear a great sermon? Let's hear the first couple lines.
Ahem.
I return on this blessed Sunday To speak of forgiveness.
- It's a good intro.
- Thank you.
You see-- oh, hot damn.
I forgot how much I love boobs.
- What? - That's part of the sermon? - I'm sorry, what? You said how much you love boobs.
- Tim: No.
- I didn't say what? You can't be saying things like that tonight.
I didn't.
- You got that sermon in the morning.
- Right.
- Just watch yourself.
Perfect, juicy rack of boobs.
Oh, wow.
Oh my god.
- I'm a little worried about you.
Seems like you're losing control.
Tim, I don't want to be here.
- You don't? - No, this is all for you-- Taking you clubbing, letting you live with me.
But if that's not what you want, Hey, you know what? Go back to staying at the ymca, tim.
No no no, I wanna stay at the loft.
- Uh-huh.
Well, then why don't you let your wingman do his job, buddy? - All right.
- Okay? Don't take the loft away.
I like to party! Me too, baby.
Me too.
- What is happening? - Oh oh oh, yeah.
- I'm getting out of this.
- I'm getting into it.
- Yeah! Whoo! - Yeah.
- Oh god.
- Stu, you are not helping.
I cannot control my limbs or pelvis, tim.
Can you please stop it from happening? Just stop! What are you doing? Help me, lord, in my time of need.
Yeah, lord.
Come on and help him out, yo.
Well, tim, that was a hoot, huh? Good clean fun.
It was? - Oh, come on.
We danced - No.
- Talked a little bit.
- You were sandwich dancing.
I don't know.
Was a sin really committed? - Yes.
- Within the sandwich dance, I really was just the bread- was never the meat.
I don't think anyone is gonna follow your logic.
Oh, who am I kidding? I'm lying.
I'm full of shit.
I can't face the congregation on Sunday.
There's no comeback.
Don't call it a comeback.
You gotta show up.
- Oh, I shouldn't have eaten that tuna melt.
Oh my god.
Maybe that's my- that's my conscience.
- You've gotta do something meaningful.
- I've gotta do something.
- Think, priest.
Think.
- You call yourself priest? How about a weekend retreat? Get my head together, be close to god.
I'm gonna live in the woods like henry david thoreau.
The weekend is not really living in the woods.
- Tim, I need your help.
No.
- You're gonna go to the church on Sunday - And tell them I won't be there.
- I don't want to.
- Just email them.
- I'd appreciate the gesture.
- Email everyone.
- I'm not gonna email anybody.
I'm letting you stay at my loft, okay? You owe me.
No.
When I go to churches weird things happen.
Yeah.
Me too.
hey, churchgoers.
Uh, quick fyi.
The priest will not be returning today as planned, So catch you guys later.
- Wait a minute.
- What? How is the priest doing? We're all very curious.
Uh, if you must know, he's doing great.
Hmm.
I mean, just last night, if you need proof, I'm with the guy at a club In the meat-packing district called "club ecstasy.
" This is gonna illustrate the point that he's-- Yeah.
Let me tell the story.
We were sandwich dancing, and he said, "you know what? - I should not be doing this.
" - woman: Wait.
- Man: Hold on a second.
- What on earth is sandwich dancing? What is it? - You're going to have to demonstrate it.
This is not heading in a good direction.
So this is the woods.
What do you do out here, little squirrel? Gather nuts? Sniff bark? Oh my god, I'm bored.
All right, are you ready to do this? You know what? No one ithis room has ever seen me dance.
Isn't that strange? It's one of the things I really define myself by, is my dancing.
You stand there.
Louise, you get in the middle.
Now you can see how it almost looks like a sandwich at this point.
Oh, I see.
- Yeah, now with your pelvis you thrust.
- Just thrust? - Thrust.
Into her like-- oh my god! Oh, wait a minute, no! - It's very popular.
- How is that a dance? This man has corrupted our priest.
I knew the reenactment was not a good idea.
what's that? That is inappropriate church music.
Oh, boy.
Hello, my sheep.
Yes, baby, moonwalking it out for the flock.
You know you love it, louise.
I am back and better than ever, people.
Let's hear it! Why is no one clapping? This is the big comeback sermon, people.
Uh, I thought you were in the wilderness.
No, I did a quick lap around tompkins square park.
- Seemed to do the trick.
- Man: Excuse me, father.
- Yes, raymond? - This man tim to us That you were doing a sandwich dance in a nightclub? - You told them that? - It came up.
We touched on it briefly.
Okay.
All right.
Let me try and clear things up here, people.
- Yes, please do.
- That would be nice.
Okay, doing this so-called sandwich dance, Did tim inform you that I was actually The bread, not the meat? The sin is in the meat.
If you're the bread, It really ain't no big thing.
So I think it's best If you don't stay in my loft anymore.
- I guess I understand.
- Yeah.
I don't know if it was my fault, really, but - That's fantastic.
- All right.
Feel free to swing by anytime and pick up your garbage bag full of crap.
- It's not a garbage bag.
- It's a lot of crap in a bag, tim.
Peace out, brother.
All right, I got you.
I got you, stu.
Oh, man, this is not-- I'm having a hard time falling asleep with this going on.
* no matter how I struggle and strive * * I'll never get out of this world alive.
* I don't know, guys.
How are the three of us Gonna call in sick on the same day? Relax, my friend.
Watch the master at work.
- Watch the master.
- Yeah, marie, it's rodney.
Yeah, I can't talk long 'cause I just puked on myself.
I just wanna let you know that I'm sick and so are tim and stu.
So we're all at the doctor.
What do you mean you don't believe me? Well, I think that's pretty fucking rude.
Actually, hold on, I think stu is gonna throw up too.
I'm not feeling good.
Tim-- tim looks bad.
Me? No, I'm not that bad.
- You look sick.
You're the worst.
- Trust fall, tim Actually I do feel it coming now.
- Good one.
- What are you, dracula? - See what I'm saying? - Oh, man.
I'm throwing up.
Marie, we are not doing well.
We're all suffering immensely right here.
Man over intercom: 9: This is so much worse than I thought.
They're shipping us off to south jersey.
This health plan is horrible.
I gotta go, marie.
- The master.
- Yeah.
Watch the master.
- She bought that hook, line and sinker.
- I don't know.
- Okay, boys.
A.
C.
Here we come! Time to bang some chicks.
You'll lose your vacation time, all right? Oh, shit.
I forgot to hang up there.
- we're going to atlantic city To do some gambling and stick our dongs in some foreign poon.
Yeah! Are you psyched, tim? - Psyched? - Yeah.
I don't use the word psyched a lot.
- Oh, okay.
Are you looking forward to the trip? I guess you'd say that.
Yeah.
I'm looking forward to what we're doing today, yeah.
Good.
- Don't mean to put a damper on it.
Keep dancing or whatever you're doing there.
Tim, ever since the amy thing went down, You're not the usual exuberant tim that we've all grown to accept.
Show me a smile, buddy.
I haven't seen it.
Honestly, even if I was depressed, I mean, I'm not sure if atlantic city on a Monday Is the cure for depression.
That's more of the cause of depression.
Well, as long as you avoid the pawnshops and the urban blight Yeah.
-And the crumbling facade of history, Then a.
C.
Is great.
Okay, tim, first order of business: Which one of these lovely women is going to be slathered with lube In your hotel room tonight? Um Hopefully none of them.
Why are-- Everyone here is pretty elderly.
Yeah, I gotta be honest, rodney, even for stu-balls, Whose standards are let's say below the median, I could not chub it out to one of these ladies.
All right, all right.
Let me check it out.
- Hey, there, bro.
- Yeah? Where are all the hot sluts in this place? - The hot sluts? - Yeah.
It's Monday And it's a cheap hotel and tonight is rich little.
These old people flock here.
It's like a convention for people Who've just fallen and are not getting up.
- Oh.
- Is there a lounge? Yeah, there's a lounge.
It's a casino.
No young girls there? There are younger girls there, but they're in their 70s.
This is a ridiculous place to be if you're young.
You are in the wrong place.
All right, you know what? Let's just review our options.
I vote for either the spa, the saltwater taffy place, Or miniature golf.
You wanna go do that? Let's decide in the cab.
Let's just get our of here.
All right, let's just get out.
I don't know, guys.
I think the saltwater taffy place would have been more fun, no? No.
Absolutely not.
- This is disgusting.
- Tim, this is good for you.
What you need is good mindless fun.
Just get your mind off of amy.
Okay, fellas, look to stage number one Where we have a spicy little number named aimee! - Is this a joke? - Wow, is this happening? And she actually looks like amy.
I don't see the resemblance.
Look, it's pretty uncanny.
- Tim: No.
- Stu: If amy had double ds With stiletto heels, and a coke problem - I mean that would be amy.
- No.
This is like a steven spielberg "amazing stories," episode.
I'm getting out of here.
You can't leave.
You gotta get a lap dance from this girl.
- It's like therapy.
- You joking? No, it'll help you forget the real amy.
I'm not following your logic.
- I'm not enjoying the trip.
- Look, tim - That much is clear.
- I'm gonna make this clear.
If you're not gonna do this, I am.
Because this is the closest I will ever get to having amy naked on my lap.
Oh, yeah.
- Ooh! No touchy, no touchy.
But touch it! Touch it! Oh god, you would do this for free.
- Yeah.
I don't even have to pay you, right? You do have to pay me, seriously.
- Okay.
- Hey, stu? - What up? Sorry to interrupt.
Where's rodney? Stu-balls does not know where rodney is.
He went into a private dance an hour ago and never came back.
Should we be concerned? Not the top of my mind right now.
By the by, you have the same name As this guy's ex-girlfriend.
What? You dated an amy? I don't wanna talk about it.
Oh, that is crazy.
That's crazy.
Do I look like her? - A little bit.
- Are her boobs like mine? - Similar.
- What about the ass? The whole thing's pretty similar, I gotta admit.
Hey, you want me to pretend that I'm her? - Yes.
I do.
- No.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
Okay, here.
Sit still.
Why? Why is this happening? Oh, ti Why is the recycling still under the sink? Take it out.
Take it to the curb.
- Take it out! - Yes.
This works.
Let's get out of here.
Why? Why is this happening? Tim, her shift was over.
It would have been rude not to invite her.
Are we not gentlemen first and foremost? You guys are so polite, okay? You wanna do some blow? - Is that cocaine? - Yeah it is.
- I keep it between my jugs.
- No.
- Sweaty stripper coke? - Let's put that on the back burner.
hold on, I'm getting a text from rodney.
- Oh yeah, where's rodney? - It says "spent too much on lap dances.
" - Aimee: Rock on.
- "bouncer is taking me To pawnshop to sell shit.
" Oh! Lem-j hates it when people can't pay for stuff.
- Should we be concerned? - Stu: No.
Should we call the authorities? The authorities? Tim, we're in atlantic city.
That dude is filipino.
That means he's of spanish and asian descent.
- Oh my god.
- You know what? I think he's gonna be fine.
Let's gamble.
Here we go.
All bets down.
No drinks on the table, please, okay? I'm sorry.
I thought you said drinks on the table.
No.
No drinks on the table.
- No.
- That's right.
No, drinks on the table.
That's fine.
You can say it that way.
I don't care where you put the emphasis.
Let's just deal.
Let's just deal.
- Yeah.
- I'll fuck you up.
- You're gonna fuck me up? - You gonna fuck this up? - Dealer: Jeez.
You're in bad company tonight, gentlemen.
All right.
Let's just play.
- Good luck, gentlemen.
- Hold on.
One more interruption.
I got a phone call coming in.
Maybe it's rodney.
Oh no, it's amy.
- Oh, let me say hi.
- No no.
Tim, don't pick up the phone.
You're gonna look desperate.
All things considered, I'm answering the phone.
All right.
Hello? Amy? Tim? I just thought I'd give you a call And see how you're doing.
Oh man, life is one big success story.
- That's good to hear.
- How are you? I'm pretty good.
But actually, the reason I called is 'cause I just- I just-- I miss you.
You miss tim? - Yeah, I thought maybe, you know, We could get together and grab a coffee - And just talk.
- I would-- You know what? - Hey, we got a cell phone at the table! I'm on it.
He's going down.
Oh, hey! Why? Sorry, man.
No cell phones at the table.
The rules are clearly stated.
Why didn't you just tap me on the shoulder? I wanted to tackle you.
You-- are you okay? - I'm fine.
- Are you drunk? Hey, listen, don't-- - hey hey, what's the problem here? - Tim: Nothing.
We're good.
- No we're not good.
This guy was using his cell phone at the table And he just pulled a 21.
- Me? - You've been counting cards.
No, I was the one who was tackled.
You've been fucking counting cards.
Jesus christ! I can add them up.
I wasn't counting them.
You were counting cards.
You just admitted it.
You were adding them.
That's counting.
No, it's looking at the cards.
Come on.
Let me tell you something there, count dracula.
You didn't count on me seeing you count the cards.
Back room, right now.
Me and you, back room.
Back room! I know I'm entitled to one phone call.
Can I just make that first? Who are you gonna call? Are you gonna call your ma? No, amy.
- Are you gonna call your mommy amy? Mommy amy, save me.
All right.
Forget the call.
Yeahthis isn't jail, okay? You don't get a phone call.
There's no rules back here.
Take off your clothes.
I don't wanna get into anything like that.
- Here's how it works, pal.
- Yeah? - We strip you.
- Strip me? - Kick your ass.
- No no.
Then we throw you out while screaming insults about your ethnicity.
How'd I end up in the back room? Listen, I was just making a cell phone call.
I've got to imagine that happens all the time.
We take this seriously, okay? Yeah? - You think you can steal from me? You think you can steal from mi familia? Huh? Your what? - Oh! You know who you're talking to? I'm frankie two fists.
I got two fists.
I'll make your face look like fucking pasta fagioli.
Um, I know you're suggesting it's like a mafia thing, But this place is owned by marriot, isn't it? Correct me if I'm wrong.
Uh, it's-- yeah.
It's the marriot family of hotels.
The marriot familia.
If it's marriot, it's not as scary.
- Yeah.
- Can I go now? Uh Yeah.
If you promise not to tell anybody about this.
I'd really appreciate it.
Here's a coupon for a free continental breakfast.
And there's a pamphlet about our rewards program.
And I just wanna thank you for coming.
Back rooms are just not as scary as they used to be.
What kind of town is ts? Oh, rodney.
- Over here.
Can you see me? - Oh! Ho ho, timbo! Whoo.
- I heard they took you to a pawnshop.
- Oh yeah, dude.
- Why are you in a good mood? They made me sell my pants and contact lenses.
Then the bouncer threw me on the sidewalk And pissed all over my face and my mouth.
You seem excited about that.
- That's awful.
- It was classic.
As long as we got some good stories to tell, that's all that matters.
That's not all that matters.
Uh-oh.
Look who's arrived.
Hey hey hey, black people.
Stu-balls and the stripper who doesn't know color.
Okay, what are we doing now? 'cause I am bored.
I need to place a phone call.
You wanna borrow my cell phone? - Yours? I keep it between my tits.
No, that sends the wrong message.
I'm gonna go back and call from a landline at the hotel.
Dude, you are not going anywhere.
- I'm not? - It's 6:00.
No, I need to.
- I just got the crap kicked out of me And pissed on and now we're partying with a stripper That's pulling phones out of her boobs.
No one's going back to any hotel room, bro.
Cut me a little slack.
I'm in a different mood Obviously than all three of you.
- Stu: You know what? - I'm gonna go call amy.
- Tim's right.
- Thank you, stu.
- You go back and you call your lady.
- Appreciate that.
- I love you, man.
- A little hug? - Yeah.
- Wow.
- Thank you.
You're a good friend.
- This feels good.
You know, partying with you guys Has turned out to be a bit of a buzzkill.
So, I'm gonna split too, okay? Oh, hey, we're heading the same way.
You mind if I tag along with you? - , we can walk.
- We can walk together.
- A few paces apart maybe.
- Sure.
- All right.
- Tim: See you, guys.
What do you wanna do, rodney.
Not a lot of options seeing as I have no pants, no money, No contact lenses, and I think I'm bleeding from my rectum.
You know, that actually describes A lot of people in atlantic city.
We really did not have to rent this.
I like it.
This is really romantic.
- Romantic? - The whole thing.
It's like the lights and the ocean, There's air, you know? Anyway, I think this is your stop.
Or my stop at least.
I think-- good luck to you and-- Ladies and gentlemen, ok over there.
- Two lovebirds.
- He's not pointing at us, is he? Hey, what are your names, kids? - I'm aimee, and this here is - I'm-- I'm-- - My boy, tim.
- I'm bill.
I go by bill.
Aimee and tim.
I've got a beautiful song For two young lovebirds.
- * the summer wind * - stop the singing.
* came blowing in * * from across the sea * - He's got a nice voice.
- * for tim and aimee * This was not worth two hours on a bus.
* all summer long * And now, the man of 1000 voices, Mr.
Rich little.
I am not a crook.
I am not a crook.
I don't have my contacts.
Is it funny if you can actually see the guy? No.
I think it's a generational thing, like racism.
- Oh.
- You know what? I'm gonna let tim know where we are.
Tim, meet us at the rich little show.
Lol? No.
We have bad seats And they were dollar sign, Dollar sign, dollar sign.
W-t-fuck.
That was the most depressing text message ever written.
By far.
This is actually a good song.
Is he making it up? Hey! Is that tim? Oh, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me.
Hey, amy's dad.
How's it going, timothy? From a distance I thought that was my little girl there.
- Yeah, I'll be your little girl.
- No, you won't.
Right on.
Someone likes to party.
Listen, it's a different aimee.
I'm not dating your daughter any longer.
- You know that.
- Yes I do.
This woman is an acquaintance.
I'm aimee with two es and two double ds.
Double! Oh, okay.
They're clearly different women.
What do you got going on here? Uh, just, you know, doing a little golf, Rich little, meeting people.
You know, not necessarily in that order.
Wow! Nice ass! All right, well, good seeing you.
- You too.
- What's the expression? What happens in south jersey stays in south jsey.
I like it.
That works for me.
- Right? - I think you got it.
Shake.
* lullabies through nights * * that never end * * my fickle friend * * the summer wind *