The Mary Tyler Moore Show (1970) s01e17 Episode Script

Just a Lunch

How will you make it on your own This world is awfully big And, girl this time you're all alone But it's time you started living It's time you let someone else do some giving Love is all around No need to waste it You can have the town Why don't you take it You might just make it After all You might just make it after all - Hi, Mar.
- Good morning, Murray.
- You want to go ice skating at lunchtime? - Well, I brought my lunch.
- Aw, come on.
- Well, no, Murray.
I tell you, when I skate, I just like to You know? And you always want to Oh! [Laughs] It's all right.
Have a nice, happy, little day.
You too.
## [Humming] Yes? Something wrong? Well, it's just that I've never seen you looking so refreshed.
Well, that's because I am refreshed.
- I got completely polluted last night.
- Oh.
Nothing like a good hangover to pick you up.
I wasn't hung over.
You gotta be over to be hung over.
I'm still half snockered.
That was some evening.
Me and John Corcoran, we were really flying.
John Corcoran, the one on the network news? Oh, I see him from Vietnam in his combat jacket, ducking under the bullets.
- That's the one.
He used to work here.
- No kidding? Hey, is he as great looking as he looks? - I mean, on television.
- He's beautiful.
- That's coffee.
- Uh Like last night, about 2:00 a.
We're in this place, see, and John orders sake.
- Japanese wine, right? - Yeah.
Now, understand.
We're not in some quaint, littleJapanese restaurant.
We're in the Lucky 7-11 Bar and Grill a saloon.
Now, the bartender at the Lucky 7-11 doesn't get this request very often.
ButJohn just stands there, looking him straight in the eye.
And the bartender got him the sake.
He threw us both out.
Uh, Mr.
Grant? I seem to have missed the point of the story.
The point is [Snorts] I haven't been thrown out of a saloon in years.
And John managed it! That's what I call a newsman.
Well, if that's what you call a newsman, what do youcall this? - Hi, guys.
- What are you doing in so early? I'm in because I'm upset about being wakened at 2:00 a.
by an obscene phone call.
I've never had anyone say things like that to me.
- What are you telling me about it for? - Because it was you! Yeah.
Hey, I'm sorry about that, Ted.
It's just that whenever I'm with a really first-class newsman, I get furious thinking about you.
I'm glad he apologized! I think that it cleared the air.
[Phone Rings] Newsroom.
[Chuckling] Yeah, okay.
[Chuckling] Yeah, okay.
That was the receptionist.
She sounded like she was doing deep-breathing exercises.
John must be on his way up.
Now, look, everybody.
I know John, and even though he is kind of a famous guy and won a lot of awards, don't make a big deal over him, okay? It would only embarrass him.
## [Imitates Fanfare] You still can't say hello like other people, can you, Murray? You see? What did I tell ya? He's embarrassed.
- How are you? - What are you doing up this early? Don't you remember, Lou? Last night, sitting on the curb in front of the Lucky 7? You said I could use my old desk if I needed it.
- But it's occupied.
- Oh, was this your Well, all the desks are occupied.
I mean, l-I never use mine.
- I, uh I'm Mary Richards.
- John Corcoran.
You're gonna be around later, I'll buy you a sandwich.
- Fine, fine.
- Maybe we can get thrown out of a luncheonette.
No, you can't, Mr.
You're having lunch with the sanitation commissioner.
Oh, yeah.
Talk about garbage over lunch.
Sorry, John.
Look, as long as I'm chasing you out of your desk, can I take you to lunch? - Uh, yes.
- Good.
Well, I guess you can take care of yourself.
After all, it's just a lunch.
Come on, John.
Come on.
- Lunch.
- Lunch.
Murray? This is very good fettuccine.
Sure you don't want to try it? No, thank you.
I've got this little meat patty here.
- John? - What? I lied.
I want to try your fettuccine.
- Hmm? - Mmm! - More? - Oh, no.
I've seen you on television, haven't I? - You're, uh Don't tell me - John Corcoran.
No, uh Yes! Yes, you are.
Oh, you know, I just love your news.
I mean, I really hate the news, but, oh, the way you do it - Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- I wonder, would you? My pleasure.
Is there anything special you want me to write? Yes.
To the most well-informed woman I have ever met.
That'll just destroy my husband.
- Um, is she, uh - Yes, she is.
Oh, would you mind? Oh, thank you so much.
You're welcome.
[Chuckles] - I shouldn't have done that.
- What's the harm? Well, I didn't want to disappoint her, so I wrote the first name that came into my mind Ringo Starr.
Ringo Starr.
I didn't want her to spend the whole afternoon trying to figure out who Mary Richards is.
Well, I can think of worse ways to spend an afternoon.
Well, let's talk about you.
Before Vietnam, weren't you in Russia? Yes.
Are you involved with anyone right now? - No.
How about some dessert? - I'm sorry.
I thought you were on a diet.
- What would you like? - Actually, I was thinking about having the fettuccine.
- What would you like? - Actually, I was thinking about having the fettuccine.
- Are you gonna throw those away? - You want 'em? Oh, yeah.
My girlfriend and I are pooling our trading stamps.
Look, in that case here.
What did you ever buy to get all these? - My camper truck and everything to stock it with.
- A camper truck? Yeah.
I thought I'd take some time off to just drive around the country.
- I haven't seen it for a long time.
- Oh.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
- I'm married, Mary.
- Yes, I know.
Your ring.
- Does it bother you? - It didn't bother me until you asked me if it bothered me.
I mean, I don't know why you even bring it up.
This is just a lunch, right? I was thinking of it as a little more than just a lunch.
That's what it is.
Look rolls, butter, ice water, restaurant.
That's a lunch.
- Let me explain why I told you I'm married.
- It's none of my business.
The reason I told you I'm married is because I'm separated.
- Ah.
John, why don't we change the subject? - All right.
If you're so separated, how come you're still wearing your wedding ring? - That's a funny thing.
- Oh, is it? I just can't seem to get it off.
- Go on, try it.
- Well, l No, I'll take your word for it.
I guess to get it off, I'll have to cut it off.
Oh, waiter, could I have a knife? For my butter! Oh, you think Oh, wouldn't that be just Look, all right, I'll admit he's intelligent, charming, good looking, really polite.
But the important thing is, I'm just not interested in him.
I know what you mean.
Looks, intelligence, charm - they turn me off too.
- Yeah.
Okay, think about this, Rhoda.
What happens when these separated men go back to their wives? I don't know.
Maybe a little kissin', foolin' around.
I don't know.
I mean, to us! Oh, Mary.
Rhoda, go home.
- [Knocking] - Who is it? - .
John Corcoran.
- Rhoda, stay right here.
- Well, hi, John.
- Hi.
- Uh, won't you come in? - Thanks.
Uh, John, I'd like you to meet my roommate, Rhoda Morgenstern.
- Rhoda, this is John Corcoran.
- How do you do? - Hi.
Got any more stamps? - [Chuckles] What am I laughing at? Everywhere I go, they keep shoving these things at me.
- Here.
- Ooh, great.
Uh, John and I had lunch together today.
Oh, yeah, I think you mentioned that.
Oh, well, sit down, John.
- John's just back from Vietnam.
- I think you mentioned that.
He, um He just bought one of those, um, eh A camper.
You told me.
- To drive around the country.
- Yeah.
- Where're you from anyway? - Los Angeles.
That is, my wife lives there.
We're separated.
I know.
I, uh I think I mentioned that.
Would anyone like some coffee? None for me.
I just want to go to bed.
- I'm sorry.
I'm keeping you up.
- No, you're not.
All I have to do is go upstairs to my apartment.
- I thought you two were roommates.
- What makes you think that? - Mary just said so.
- Oh.
She's right.
- John, how do you take your coffee? - Black.
He took it black at lunch.
Oh, no! - What are you doing? - Uh, sweeping.
- I thought you were making coffee.
- I am, I am.
It's gonna taste a little strange though.
You can forget about the coffee.
No, really, I'll just make instant.
Why don't you go talk to Rhoda? - It's a little difficult talking to Rhoda.
- Why? She's asleep.
- I don't believe it! - Like it or not, Mary, we're alone.
Uh, well, why don't we be alone out there? I, uh I really should wake her and send her home.
- No, don't.
You'll feel better with her here, won't you? - Uh, yes.
John, look, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being separated.
Maybe I'm being dumb, but there are all kinds of ways of being separated, you know? I had an uncle who used to go to a convention for two weeks every year, and for those two weeks he was separated.
And then my aunt found out, and they were separated.
I'm not saying, you know, that you I don't know what I'm saying.
- You're saying it might be better if we don't see each other.
- Yes.
We won't see each other again.
Good-bye, Mary.
- Good-bye, John.
- See you at the office.
What are you working on? I think there might be an idea for a good documentary in this America, by someone who hasn't seen it for three years.
Who? Jimmy Hoffa? - Hi.
- Hi.
Am I in your way? - No.
- If I am, I could use this end of the desk.
- You can have the rest.
- No, really, I never use the desk.
Uh, excuse me.
My labels.
[Laughs] My addresses.
Mary, there's nothing wrong with sharing a desk with a separated man.
I know, I know.
It's just, I never use a desk.
Uh [Frustrated Chuckle] - I'm working against a deadline, and you're putting labels in my typewriter! - Shh! Oh, Mary, look.
I was wondering about something.
Marie and I are having some people over Friday, and we want you to come.
Oh, good.
I'd love to.
If you're the kind of person who thinks they have to bring a bottle of wine or something, don't bother, we have all the wine we need.
- Okay.
- We're a little short on cognac though.
Hi, guys.
Hey, Johnny.
[Chuckling] Don't get any ideas about taking over my job.
A sincere-looking chimp could take over his job.
- What's that, Murr? - I said, a sincere-looking Ted, my wife and I are having some people over Friday night.
We thought you'd like to come.
Gee, Murr, Friday's the night I tape Sunday's News In Review.
- Aw, shucks! - Sorry to disappoint you.
[Clears Throat] Good evening, good evening.
This is Ted Baxter.
He's never been able to figure out why we always have our parties on Friday nights.
Hi, again.
- Yes, sir? - Sit down.
- Did John say anything to you? - About what? He asked if I could spare you to help him on some research.
I said okay.
- He asked you for me? - Mm-hmm.
- No.
- Huh? No, sir, I can't.
We seem to have a little misunderstanding here.
What I just said was not a request.
He's a friend of mine, and he needs some help.
- I want you to help him.
Is that clear? - Yes, sir.
- Then I expect you to help him.
- No, sir.
I just - It would make things very uncomfortable for me.
- Why? Uh, well, uh Oh.
I'm going to say something to you.
I hope you won't take it the wrong way.
You're the biggest jerk I ever met.
How could I possibly take that the wrong way? You're a big girl, over 21 and then some.
Don't you know enough not to affiliate with charmers likeJohn Corcoran? I didn't affiliate with him! We had lunch, just one lunch.
I've seen him mess up three or four women's lives during a coffee break.
- You keep away from him! - That's what I'm trying to do.
You're making it very hard for me.
I have to share a desk with him.
All right, all right! It's my fault.
But how did I know you'd see anything in him? I don't know what anyone sees in anybody.
But mind you, I likeJohn.
He's what you call a man's man.
- But that can be bad news if you're a lady.
- You mean, like his wife? - He separated again? - Again? John and his wife have had more reunions than the Wiffenpoofs.
Maybe he's being straight with you.
One of these separations has to stick.
Well, thank you very much, Mr.
Grant, but it really has nothing to do with me.
Good girl.
Not that he's a bad guy.
When I think of the times I've sat on a bar stool and sopped up his stories.
There was this girl in Chicago [Chuckles] If he so much as comes near you, you let me know.
Hi, again.
- Mary, it's disaster time.
- What? They're preempting Sunday's News In Review for that Washington press conference.
- The president? - No, the attorney general's wife.
- That means Ted can come to my dinner party! - Oh, Murray.
Maybe he'll get lost! - Mary, did Lou talk to you about - Oh, about my working for you? - Yes.
- Well, yes, but he decided I have too much to do, so sorry.
I'll see you Friday night though.
Well, John, I'm going to be busy Friday night.
I really am.
I'm going to - Murray's house.
- Murray's house.
- So am I.
- Oh.
- Mary, would you care for a mint? - No, thank you.
- Ah, that's good wine.
- You're drinking scotch.
That's my favorite kind of wine.
We were so sorry that your wife couldn't come.
Yeah, I know.
Well, we sort of have a kind of a deal.
She doesn't drag me to any of the dumb things she gets invited to, and I don't - Gee, Ted, it's - I think I'll have more of that scotch wine.
Ted, it's so nice seeing you outside of the office for a change.
Yes, well, some celebrities don't like to socialize with their coworkers, - but I feel it's good for morale.
- Oh.
- You're not talking to me.
- Well, certainly, I'm talking to you.
Of course I am.
Marie, the chop suey was fantastic.
- Oh, thank you.
- Speaking of things Oriental, when I was on assignment in the Far East last year, I found the natives very friendly - and our boys delighted to be there.
- Did you? That's because he was in Hawaii.
You don't have to go to Vietnam to get a big story.
That's right.
Ted came back with a terrific piece on surfing.
- Thanks, Lou.
- I think Ted had the right idea.
All last year I had the feeling I was in the wrong place.
Not now though.
Marie, I just love what you've done with the house.
Oh, thank you.
Murray, honey, while I get the coffee, why don't you show everybody who wants to see it the rest of the place? Love to! Anybody else want to take the tour? Please.
Well, I've already seen the house, of course.
- John, why don't you take the tour? - No, thanks.
Not right now.
Follow me.
You know, I see this girl all day long, and all we ever talk about is business.
So for a change, I'd like to talk to her about something else.
And there are so many things to talk about.
There sure are.
- Did you get those books out of research? - Yes, sir, I did.
- That's business, isn't it? - But what's wrong with talking about business? I think I'll go join the tour.
I'll see you soon.
Don't miss the master bathroom.
It's the highlight.
- Mr.
Grant, thanks.
- For what? - For what you did.
I appreciate it.
- Ahh.
But, Mr.
Grant, don't do it again, okay? It's tough to say "you're welcome" after a thank you like that.
Well, it's just that I've got to figure out how to handle this myself.
l I just wish he'd stop coming on like this in front of everybody.
Maybe I can figure out a subtle way of getting him under a cold shower.
I think so far you and I are probably the only ones aware of what's going on.
And this is the family room.
The tour is over.
Oh, this is nice.
We were here before, Ted.
Well, it's still nice! - Game time! - Games? Sure, games.
What's a party without a few games? You know, charades, association.
Oh, I thought you were gonna have us all get in sacks and hop across the room.
[Marie] Hey, does anybody have any new games? - How about the truth game? - You know what's always fun? Continuation.
- How about the truth game? - You know what's always fun? Continuation.
I think that's what it's called.
You must've played it.
Where somebody says a word, and then the person next to them has to use a word beginning with the last letter of your word.
- Sounds great.
- No, it really is.
Like, um, well, if you said "boy" then Ted would say "yellow," because yellow begins with "Y.
" Do we just keep on doing this, or does the game have an end? No, it ends.
It ends when someone's stumped.
Well, let's try it anyway.
I'll begin.
[Clears Throat] Well, let me see if I understand this.
I have to say a word that begins with the last letter of your word.
" "X.
" Game's over.
John, what was that truth game you mentioned? - Well, Marie - It's very simple.
We each make a statement about ourselves.
Then it's up to everybody else to guess if that statement is true or false.
The whole point is to make your statement, uh, intriguing.
That way you get an idea of what people think about you.
Remember, the whole point is to say something provocative.
Let me try one.
I think I'm in love with a person in this room.
True! A person in this room.
Now we'll have to spend the whole night figuring out who it is.
It's your turn, Mary.
My Okay.
All right, my turn.
I think that there is a person in this room who uses the word "love" - like other people use the word "hello.
" - False.
- True.
- I didn't know this game could have ties.
Let me try another.
I'm seriously thinking of getting a divorce.
Oh, John.
No, you're not.
Would you believe it? I'm usually good at this game.
Boy, did she wipe you out pretty good! [Cackles] Come on.
What do you say we go back to the Lucky 7-11? This time we'll really get some sake.
You wanna come, Mary? Uh, no, thank you.
You're incredible.
You never give up.
You'll be pitchin' when they're nailin' the box closed on ya.
- Marie, Murray, thank you.
- Enjoyed the function.
Thanks a lot.
Hey, hey, wait a minute, wait a minute the game.
It's my turn.
" Extra.
- [Knocking] - Who is it? Rhoda.
- Hi.
- Hi.
I was just coming in and saw your light.
- How was Murray's party? - Well, it turned into a sort of farewell party.
- Oh, yeah? For who? - John and me.
You mean no more stamps? Aw, Mary, our partnership has just bombed.
- It'll take us a year to get an electric blender now.
- I think I have a plan.
Why don't we split the books? You take six, I'll take six.
We'll each get what we want.
- Great.
- I'm gonna get the baseball mitt.
- What? - For my nephew's birthday.
- Oh.
Hey, I'm gonna get one of these.
- Oh, the barbecue? No, the guy in the chef's hat standing behind it.