The Mary Tyler Moore Show (1970) s01e22 Episode Script
A Friend in Deed
How will you make it on your own This world is awfully big And, girl this time you're all alone But it's time you started living It's time you let someone else do some giving Love is all around No need to waste it You can have the town Why don't you take it You might just make it After all You might just make it after all Say, did you meet the new receptionist? She's such a warm girl.
I'll say she's warm.
I introduced myself, and she hugged me.
The entire time we talked, she kept touching me, as though she couldn't believe I was real.
We all have that problem with you, Ted.
I just got hugged out there! - It's happening to a lot of people.
- Hi! - Did she get you too, Mary? - Did who get me? They got a new receptionist downstairs.
Didn't you see her on the way up? No.
There was a crowd in the lobby area, though, around the reception desk.
- What's she like? - Mary Richards! She's very friendly.
- Hi there.
- Hi! Don't you know me? Well, yes, of course I know you.
You're the new receptionist.
[Giggles.]
Think back, Mar.
Didn't you go to camp when you were a little kid? Yes.
Yes, I did.
I went to Camp Sunshine for five years.
- And that's where I know you from! - No.
Oh.
Camp Owmwuk.
Didn't you go to Camp Owmwuk in 1950? I did! I went to Camp Owmwuk one year.
That's where I know you - No, no.
- That's it! Yes! Camp Owmwuk.
It's me Twinks.
Twinks! - Well, well! - Well.
You haven't changed a bit.
How are you? Oh, I'm just fine, Mar.
- Oh, well.
- How are you? Just fine! Twinks and I were friends in camp.
Yes.
Best friends.
And we haven't seen each other in, what 18 years.
Not since we were 12.
That makes them 30, Ted.
Wow! After 18 years, uh, what do you say? What's new? Well, they moved the camp to the other side of the lake after it burned down.
- Oh.
- And my father retired.
And, um, I got a new car, and I'm getting married.
Hey, that's terrific! No kidding! Well, yeah, the old car needed four new tires, so I meant getting married.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that's why I moved to Minneapolis to be closer to my fiance.
Oh, Mar, isn't it somethin'? - Us working at the same place.
- It really is! Oh, Mar, tell me what's new with you.
Well, I moved here, what - Mary, don't you have some work to do? - Yes.
Yes, sir.
Sorry.
- I really have to get to work.
- Yeah, me too.
- How 'bout dinner tonight? - Fine.
Oh, I have so much to tell you about the kids at camp.
You, uh, still keep up with some of'em, do you? All of'em.
I still put out the camp alumni bulletin.
Mary, haven't you been getting yours? Uh, well, no, not for some time now.
Oh, well, I'll get you all the back copies.
- Okay.
- I'll see you later, Mar.
- Right.
- Murray.
Ted! She was always such a warm, friendly person.
She always used to make up people's bunks for them at camp.
I don't trust warm and friendly people.
Now, if you're through with old home week, - shall we get on with the mail? - Yes.
Sorry about all the hysteria out there, but it is fun catching up with old friends.
- Yeah, I did that a couple of weeks ago.
- Oh, who'd you see? The Second Marine Division.
My old outfit.
- We had a reunion.
- It must have been fun.
Fun? They booked this big room in a hotel.
The first thing they did was pin this tag on my coat that said, " Sergeant Grant.
Remember me?" - So, what's wrong with that? - What's wrong with that? There I was, surrounded by and suddenly I didn't have rank on them anymore.
It's amazing how they remembered all the little slights that I committed in boot camp Hey, 'bout 20 years ago, you and I were both in camp.
[Chuckling.]
I'm sorry.
Of course, some of the reunions I've been to haven't been so bad.
Right there in that same hotel, I went to a Notre Dame reunion.
- It was terrific.
- I didn't know you went to Notre Dame.
I didn't, but those guys really know how to throw a bash.
Word to the wise, Mary The best kind of reunion is one where you don't know anybody.
- I'll, uh, keep that in mind.
- Yeah.
- Remember cute, little Archie, Mary? - Uh-huh.
I'm so glad I brought the camp scrapbook.
It's nice to point out the people as I tell you about them.
Gee, Twinks, all we've talked about all night long is camp.
I'd love to hear about your life now, you know, or even college.
Anything as recent as high school, even.
Okay, sure.
I understand, Mar.
Hey, look what you wrote here.
"2 good 2 be You wrote it with the numbers.
Wasn't that clever of me? - Oh, you always were such a kick.
- [Knocking.]
- Excuse me.
- Mary, you haven't changed a bit.
Your apartment is still as neat as your tent used to be.
Thank you.
Hi, kid.
I got the brochures from the travel agency.
They have this trip to Hawaii that looks - Hi.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had company.
Oh, I'm not company.
I'm Twinks.
Twinks? Rhoda Morgenstern, Twinks McFarland.
- Twinks.
- We know each other from Owmwuk.
Owmwuk.
You know, Camp Owmwuk.
Twinks just got a job at the station.
She's the new receptionist.
Receptionist.
Ah, at last a word I know.
You two must have a great deal to talk over, so I'll come back tomorrow.
No, don't go! I mean stay.
Okay.
Yes, stay.
I'd love to look at your brochures.
Rhoda and I are just trying to figure out where we might spend our vacation.
Hawaii! Oh, how fun.
When? Maybe I can get some time off and go too.
Well, actually, um, Twinks, we're not sure that I can even get the time off.
You know how busy things are at the station.
Yes.
Well, then maybe Rhoda and I can go alone.
Rhoda, would you believe that it's been, uh, oh, 18 years since Twinks and I saw each other? Marvelous.
- You're not from here, are you, Rhoda? - What do you mean? Well, I can just tell by the way you talk.
You're right.
I'm from England.
Oh! Don't you just love Minneapolis? I just love everyone I've met here! Listen, uh, I gotta go.
Nice meetin' you Twinks.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Oh, I gotta run too.
I'm running late, as usual.
My fiance will kill me.
He says since I've been here, I've spent so much time with all my new friends that I hardly see him at all.
- I'll get your coat.
- I'll help you.
Oh, Mary, it was so much fun tonight.
How 'bout lunch tomorrow? Uh, well, tomorrow I, uh, I know that I'm doing something.
I just, uh, can't think what it is.
- Has that ever happened to you, Rhoda? - No, never.
Well, that's okay.
I'll pencil you in for Thursday then.
Then we can make plans for the weekend later.
- Oh, Rhoda.
- l-I'm on a big diet.
I don't eat all week.
And I fast on weekends.
Oh, that's all right.
We can find something nonfattening to do, like window shopping.
I know we'll have lots in common.
- Bye, Mar.
- Bye, Twinks.
- Bye, Rhoda.
- Bye.
- Twinks, huh? - [Groans.]
- Uh-huh! - What? I just figured out what Twinks must be short for"Tiddledywinks.
" What a night.
You just can't imagine.
- I had to be there, huh? - And unfortunately, I was.
Well, you met her, and you know what old camp stories are like.
- How would I know about camp? - You must have gone to camp.
No.
Actually, I did go one summer to a day camp in the Bronx.
Camp Adelman.
- Camp Adelman? - Yeah.
I was 12 years old before I knew Adelman wasn't an Indian name.
It was from 1:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon.
You got there and you made some ceramic monstrosity in arts and crafts.
Then you drank warm orange drink from a carton.
Then you went home.
You don't know what a deprived childhood is until you've sung campfire songs on the subway.
"2 good 2 be 4" I was 12 years old.
I guess we talked about camp enough for one night.
That's all right.
We didn't just talk about camp.
You think that's all we talked about? - We talked about other things.
- Yeah? - We talked about her fiance.
- Oh, what's he do? - He's a counselor.
- Marriage? Camp.
I'd tell you to stop reading over my shoulder, but you need all the practice you can get.
- Hi.
- You're late, Mar.
I know.
I had to walk up ten flights of stairs.
- Is the elevator out of order? - No, but it stops at the reception area, if you know what I mean.
Twinks is getting to you too, huh? There are some people who don't see each other for years, and it doesn't matter.
They can just pick right up where they left off and be great friends.
- Yeah.
- Twinks isn't one of them.
Last week we finally ran out of camp talk.
Yes, finally.
And we had nothing left to say to each other.
Maybe she'll get tired of this place and look for a new job.
Yeah, and I know the perfect one for her greeting planes in Hawaii.
That friend of yours I'm gonna give her about one more chance.
About what? To stop hugging me.
Rudeness doesn't work.
Nastiness doesn't work.
She just keeps right on coming.
She refuses to take a hint.
- Tell her to leave you alone.
- That was my hint! Mary, why do you keep doing this to me? Oh, this thing is just getting bigger and bigger.
I'm gonna have to ease out of the friendship thing with her.
How are you gonna do that? I'll just go out there and tell her that I'm gonna be very busy for the next few weeks, that I will call her when I'm free.
It's as simple as that.
Maybe I'll do it by phone.
Can't face her, huh, Mar? Murr, I'd like to test this item on our show tonight.
See what you think of it.
Uh, Twinks? Hi.
Mary.
Listen, uh, Twinks, I Oh, really? How wonderful.
Well, sure, I'd love to.
The, uh, the 12th.
Yes, I'll make a note of it.
The 12th.
Right.
Bye, Twinks.
- Come on.
- Hmm? You said the 12th.
What's the 12th? The 12th is a date in the calendar.
Well, even Ted knows that.
Come on.
What's happening on the 12th? Twinks is getting married on the 12th.
I don't understand.
What's wrong? That's good news.
My wife says married girls don't like to go around with single girls.
You should be thrilled! There's still the matter of the wedding.
But it's only a wedding.
That's not such a big deal.
Yes, it is a big deal when you're going to be the maid of honor! Anyway, her best friend from California can't come out to be in the wedding, so what could I say? - I didn't have the heart to say no.
- You mean the nerve.
Don't you know what standing up for a wedding means? It's not just walking down the aisle.
I know.
I stood up for 11 weddings in college.
As maid of honor, you have to go running here and there, choosing things, arranging this well, you know.
Right.
Well, when you're younger, it doesn't matter.
You get all caught up in the hysteria of the wedding.
But now it's different.
I just don't want to do it.
I don't blame you.
Listen, when you're single in college, it doesn't matter.
You don't care if another girl gets married.
Now I can't stand to see another girl walk down the aisle in a movie theater.
You know the worst part? I feel like a hypocrite.
I just don't feel close enough to Twinks to be her maid of honor.
Hey, Mary, call her and tell her something came up.
You're right.
Enough is enough.
I will call her and tell her that I'm going out of town, and that's honest.
- How is that honest? - I'll go.
You're the only person I know who'd take a trip rather than lie.
Hello, uh, Twinks? Uh, Mary.
Listen, Twinks.
Rhoda and I are Purple? Well, no, Twinks, purple has never really been one of my favorite colors.
I Pink.
Okay.
Yes, pink is is fine.
Oh, never mind.
It was It was nothing important.
- Rhoda? Yeah, she's here.
- What? - Just a second.
Twinks for you.
- Uh-uh.
- Wh- What do you mean, "uh-uh"? - I'm not gonna talk to her.
Rhoda, she knows you're here.
You can't do this to me! Okay.
Okay, I'll talk to her for you.
Yeah? Isn't that too bad? Yeah, sure.
Okay.
See you around.
- That was short.
- You bet it was short.
Okay, so I don't handle people as well as you do.
Maybe I'm a hypocrite.
I don't know.
Before you say another word, shake hands with the bridesmaid who's wearing purple.
Hi, Tommy.
How's the social event of the season coming along? Well, the rehearsal dinner is tonight, then it'll be all over tomorrow.
I'm just gonna make it.
I'm overdrawn at the bank for the first time in my life.
- I don't believe it.
- What? A mimeographed wedding invitation.
Aren't they usually engraved? - Can someone tell me what this is about? - What is this? "Mr.
and Mrs.
Simon McFarland "request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Rochelle Margaret to Mr.
Arnold Tvedt.
" There he goes again.
Can't you read anything without mispronouncing it? - How would you pronounce that then? - "Tvedt.
" T-V-E-D-T.
Oh, must be a typo.
What is a "tvedt"? It's a name.
Arnold Tvedt.
Oh.
- And who is Rochelle Margaret McFarland? - Twinks.
I should have known.
Poor Twinks.
I just realized.
[Lou.]
What? Well, it's just something girls do when they're going with a guy.
They doodle her name and his together, you know, to just see how it's gonna look together.
What a shock it must have been the first time she wrote it down and saw it.
Twinks Tvedt.
Hey, say, Murray, is it all right if I ride with you to the wedding? - I won't get as wrinkled that way.
- Oh, Ted, you're going? - Sure.
- Ted'll go anywhere he can wear his tux.
- How 'bout you? Are you going, Murray? - Well, I don't know.
I guess we all have to go.
We see her every day.
She does lots of favors.
Well, Mr.
Grant, are you, uh, go I No.
Hi, all.
Mary, here are the dresses for you and Rhoda.
I was so worried they wouldn't get here on time.
I sent to Detroit for them.
Oh, I see you all got your wedding invitations.
I'll put the R.
S.
V.
P.
list on the bulletin board and pick it up later.
Oh, Mr.
Grant, are you coming? My father can't be here.
He's overseas.
You remind me so much of him.
I'm not gonna have to give you away or anything, am I? Oh, no, I just want you to be there.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
Oh, I'm gonna miss you all so much.
Yeah, same here.
Ohh! Oh, what a beautiful thing to say.
I guess it's the way I put things.
Oh, Mary, I still can't get over that rehearsal.
Oh, Mary, I still can't get over that rehearsal.
I can't hear you, Rhoda.
The stuff packed around the dress is making too much noise.
I said, that rehearsal If that's any indication of what the wedding's gonna be, we're in for a lot of laughs.
What'd you think of Arnold? You know, it's funny how some people look like their names.
Like I once knew this guy named Fox.
This guy named Fox had red, bushy hair and little, beady eyes.
Now, Arnold, he looks just like a tvedt.
Hey, what's taking you so long, kid? I want to see the dress.
Mary? Are you having trouble in there? - Mary! - [Quietly.]
Yeah? Oh, it's bad, huh? Well, come out, kid.
How bad could it be? That bad, huh? I'd say, uh, 'bout the only thing worse than this dress would be this dress [Both.]
in purple.
Are you all right? Who would have thought that the stuff I said was packed around the dress was the dress? But wait, it gets better.
As maid of honor, I get the special added attraction of this sash.
Well, now, no wonder.
That makes it.
Now all you need is a lamb.
You can go as Little Bo Peep.
I can't get over Rhoda, to think that we are going to be seen - Are you all right? - I'm fine.
To be seen in public! Well, listen, if we get rid of the hoops, it might help.
- Get rid of the hoops? - Right.
And for a cute touch, we could get sticks and roll them alongside of us.
If we got rid of the hoops and, uh, and the bows Right.
We take off the bows, those puffy sleeves, the skirt We'll be walking down the aisle in our underwear, Mary.
This is gonna be a challenge it really is to see if we can turn these dresses into something halfway decent.
I'm beginning to look forward to the wedding.
You've gotta be kidding.
No, I mean it.
I know I didn't want to do it at first, but now that I'm involved in it, all caught up in the fun of the wedding and all - [Doorbell Buzzes.]
- [Rhoda.]
Who's this? - Hi! Twinks! - Hi.
Oh, you've got it on.
I was hoping to get here before you opened the box.
I wish you had.
- Twinks, what is it? Tell me.
- I can't.
- Did you and Arnold have a fight? - Oh, no.
- [Car Horn Honking.]
- Oh, that Arnold, he's so impatient.
He can't stand it when I'm away from him for one second.
Isn't that cute? - Will you tell me what's wrong? - Mary.
My best, best best, very best friend is flying out after all, and I You want her to be the maid of honor? That's it! Oh, you're not mad? I knew you'd understand.
- [Horn Honking.]
- Oh, that's Arnold.
I better tell him to wait while you take off the dress.
Take off th-the dress? Yes, so Patsy can wear it.
Well, I ju I just I just paid for it.
Oh, Mar, I couldn't get another dress from Detroit by tomorrow.
I'm sure you and she can work something out money wise.
Oh, isn't it lucky that you're both the same size? - [Horn Honking.]
- Oh! That must be the prerequisite for being her best friend you gotta be a size eight.
Mary, that is why I stay away from warm, friendly people.
- They get you every time.
- She did get me a little, didn't she? A little? Mary, you've been running yourself ragged for her, planning her wedding, giving her a shower, buying gifts, just because you shared a bunk 18 years ago.
Then she comes in here and does this? Ahh.
It's ridiculous.
Frankly, it's not my idea of a friendship.
- You're just gonna take it, aren't you? - Maybe I won't.
Ah, yes, you will.
You always do.
Well, just maybe this time I won't, that's all.
- Oh, thanks, Mar.
- [Horn Honking.]
Oh, Arnold! We were thinking it would look better without the hoops.
- Listen Twinks.
- Hmm? You know, I've been sort of running myself ragged for you the last couple of weeks, giving showers and gifts and everything because I thought you were my friend, and now you come in here and tell me some other girl is just gonna walk down the aisle in my dress.
You know, that somehow bothers me.
Frankly, that's just not my idea of friendship.
You're right, Mary.
It might look better without the hoops.
I'll see you at the wedding.
Bye! You're right.
I'm glad I got that out of my system.
I am.
Well, I was pretty proud of you.
However, it might have been more effective had she heard you! Why? It wouldn't have made any difference at all.
There is no getting through to that girl.
She doesn't listen.
- It's like talking to a wall.
- What are you getting so excited about? It's all over, and frankly, I don't really mind.
But I do! I'm still a bridesmaid! Well, I gotta admit, I found one great moment of satisfaction during that ceremony.
Really? What was that? When I saw that beautiful girl, that friend from California, walking down the aisle in that dress, looking absolutely hide Actually, she didn't, you know, look that bad.
Good try, Mar.
How 'bout the viciousness when Twinks threw the bouquet? Boy, you had to be a real fighter to get that one.
Those girls were more desperate than I was, but not as tricky.
[Mews.]
I'll say she's warm.
I introduced myself, and she hugged me.
The entire time we talked, she kept touching me, as though she couldn't believe I was real.
We all have that problem with you, Ted.
I just got hugged out there! - It's happening to a lot of people.
- Hi! - Did she get you too, Mary? - Did who get me? They got a new receptionist downstairs.
Didn't you see her on the way up? No.
There was a crowd in the lobby area, though, around the reception desk.
- What's she like? - Mary Richards! She's very friendly.
- Hi there.
- Hi! Don't you know me? Well, yes, of course I know you.
You're the new receptionist.
[Giggles.]
Think back, Mar.
Didn't you go to camp when you were a little kid? Yes.
Yes, I did.
I went to Camp Sunshine for five years.
- And that's where I know you from! - No.
Oh.
Camp Owmwuk.
Didn't you go to Camp Owmwuk in 1950? I did! I went to Camp Owmwuk one year.
That's where I know you - No, no.
- That's it! Yes! Camp Owmwuk.
It's me Twinks.
Twinks! - Well, well! - Well.
You haven't changed a bit.
How are you? Oh, I'm just fine, Mar.
- Oh, well.
- How are you? Just fine! Twinks and I were friends in camp.
Yes.
Best friends.
And we haven't seen each other in, what 18 years.
Not since we were 12.
That makes them 30, Ted.
Wow! After 18 years, uh, what do you say? What's new? Well, they moved the camp to the other side of the lake after it burned down.
- Oh.
- And my father retired.
And, um, I got a new car, and I'm getting married.
Hey, that's terrific! No kidding! Well, yeah, the old car needed four new tires, so I meant getting married.
Oh, yeah.
Well, that's why I moved to Minneapolis to be closer to my fiance.
Oh, Mar, isn't it somethin'? - Us working at the same place.
- It really is! Oh, Mar, tell me what's new with you.
Well, I moved here, what - Mary, don't you have some work to do? - Yes.
Yes, sir.
Sorry.
- I really have to get to work.
- Yeah, me too.
- How 'bout dinner tonight? - Fine.
Oh, I have so much to tell you about the kids at camp.
You, uh, still keep up with some of'em, do you? All of'em.
I still put out the camp alumni bulletin.
Mary, haven't you been getting yours? Uh, well, no, not for some time now.
Oh, well, I'll get you all the back copies.
- Okay.
- I'll see you later, Mar.
- Right.
- Murray.
Ted! She was always such a warm, friendly person.
She always used to make up people's bunks for them at camp.
I don't trust warm and friendly people.
Now, if you're through with old home week, - shall we get on with the mail? - Yes.
Sorry about all the hysteria out there, but it is fun catching up with old friends.
- Yeah, I did that a couple of weeks ago.
- Oh, who'd you see? The Second Marine Division.
My old outfit.
- We had a reunion.
- It must have been fun.
Fun? They booked this big room in a hotel.
The first thing they did was pin this tag on my coat that said, " Sergeant Grant.
Remember me?" - So, what's wrong with that? - What's wrong with that? There I was, surrounded by and suddenly I didn't have rank on them anymore.
It's amazing how they remembered all the little slights that I committed in boot camp Hey, 'bout 20 years ago, you and I were both in camp.
[Chuckling.]
I'm sorry.
Of course, some of the reunions I've been to haven't been so bad.
Right there in that same hotel, I went to a Notre Dame reunion.
- It was terrific.
- I didn't know you went to Notre Dame.
I didn't, but those guys really know how to throw a bash.
Word to the wise, Mary The best kind of reunion is one where you don't know anybody.
- I'll, uh, keep that in mind.
- Yeah.
- Remember cute, little Archie, Mary? - Uh-huh.
I'm so glad I brought the camp scrapbook.
It's nice to point out the people as I tell you about them.
Gee, Twinks, all we've talked about all night long is camp.
I'd love to hear about your life now, you know, or even college.
Anything as recent as high school, even.
Okay, sure.
I understand, Mar.
Hey, look what you wrote here.
"2 good 2 be You wrote it with the numbers.
Wasn't that clever of me? - Oh, you always were such a kick.
- [Knocking.]
- Excuse me.
- Mary, you haven't changed a bit.
Your apartment is still as neat as your tent used to be.
Thank you.
Hi, kid.
I got the brochures from the travel agency.
They have this trip to Hawaii that looks - Hi.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know you had company.
Oh, I'm not company.
I'm Twinks.
Twinks? Rhoda Morgenstern, Twinks McFarland.
- Twinks.
- We know each other from Owmwuk.
Owmwuk.
You know, Camp Owmwuk.
Twinks just got a job at the station.
She's the new receptionist.
Receptionist.
Ah, at last a word I know.
You two must have a great deal to talk over, so I'll come back tomorrow.
No, don't go! I mean stay.
Okay.
Yes, stay.
I'd love to look at your brochures.
Rhoda and I are just trying to figure out where we might spend our vacation.
Hawaii! Oh, how fun.
When? Maybe I can get some time off and go too.
Well, actually, um, Twinks, we're not sure that I can even get the time off.
You know how busy things are at the station.
Yes.
Well, then maybe Rhoda and I can go alone.
Rhoda, would you believe that it's been, uh, oh, 18 years since Twinks and I saw each other? Marvelous.
- You're not from here, are you, Rhoda? - What do you mean? Well, I can just tell by the way you talk.
You're right.
I'm from England.
Oh! Don't you just love Minneapolis? I just love everyone I've met here! Listen, uh, I gotta go.
Nice meetin' you Twinks.
- I'll see you tomorrow.
- Oh, I gotta run too.
I'm running late, as usual.
My fiance will kill me.
He says since I've been here, I've spent so much time with all my new friends that I hardly see him at all.
- I'll get your coat.
- I'll help you.
Oh, Mary, it was so much fun tonight.
How 'bout lunch tomorrow? Uh, well, tomorrow I, uh, I know that I'm doing something.
I just, uh, can't think what it is.
- Has that ever happened to you, Rhoda? - No, never.
Well, that's okay.
I'll pencil you in for Thursday then.
Then we can make plans for the weekend later.
- Oh, Rhoda.
- l-I'm on a big diet.
I don't eat all week.
And I fast on weekends.
Oh, that's all right.
We can find something nonfattening to do, like window shopping.
I know we'll have lots in common.
- Bye, Mar.
- Bye, Twinks.
- Bye, Rhoda.
- Bye.
- Twinks, huh? - [Groans.]
- Uh-huh! - What? I just figured out what Twinks must be short for"Tiddledywinks.
" What a night.
You just can't imagine.
- I had to be there, huh? - And unfortunately, I was.
Well, you met her, and you know what old camp stories are like.
- How would I know about camp? - You must have gone to camp.
No.
Actually, I did go one summer to a day camp in the Bronx.
Camp Adelman.
- Camp Adelman? - Yeah.
I was 12 years old before I knew Adelman wasn't an Indian name.
It was from 1:00 to 3:00 in the afternoon.
You got there and you made some ceramic monstrosity in arts and crafts.
Then you drank warm orange drink from a carton.
Then you went home.
You don't know what a deprived childhood is until you've sung campfire songs on the subway.
"2 good 2 be 4" I was 12 years old.
I guess we talked about camp enough for one night.
That's all right.
We didn't just talk about camp.
You think that's all we talked about? - We talked about other things.
- Yeah? - We talked about her fiance.
- Oh, what's he do? - He's a counselor.
- Marriage? Camp.
I'd tell you to stop reading over my shoulder, but you need all the practice you can get.
- Hi.
- You're late, Mar.
I know.
I had to walk up ten flights of stairs.
- Is the elevator out of order? - No, but it stops at the reception area, if you know what I mean.
Twinks is getting to you too, huh? There are some people who don't see each other for years, and it doesn't matter.
They can just pick right up where they left off and be great friends.
- Yeah.
- Twinks isn't one of them.
Last week we finally ran out of camp talk.
Yes, finally.
And we had nothing left to say to each other.
Maybe she'll get tired of this place and look for a new job.
Yeah, and I know the perfect one for her greeting planes in Hawaii.
That friend of yours I'm gonna give her about one more chance.
About what? To stop hugging me.
Rudeness doesn't work.
Nastiness doesn't work.
She just keeps right on coming.
She refuses to take a hint.
- Tell her to leave you alone.
- That was my hint! Mary, why do you keep doing this to me? Oh, this thing is just getting bigger and bigger.
I'm gonna have to ease out of the friendship thing with her.
How are you gonna do that? I'll just go out there and tell her that I'm gonna be very busy for the next few weeks, that I will call her when I'm free.
It's as simple as that.
Maybe I'll do it by phone.
Can't face her, huh, Mar? Murr, I'd like to test this item on our show tonight.
See what you think of it.
Uh, Twinks? Hi.
Mary.
Listen, uh, Twinks, I Oh, really? How wonderful.
Well, sure, I'd love to.
The, uh, the 12th.
Yes, I'll make a note of it.
The 12th.
Right.
Bye, Twinks.
- Come on.
- Hmm? You said the 12th.
What's the 12th? The 12th is a date in the calendar.
Well, even Ted knows that.
Come on.
What's happening on the 12th? Twinks is getting married on the 12th.
I don't understand.
What's wrong? That's good news.
My wife says married girls don't like to go around with single girls.
You should be thrilled! There's still the matter of the wedding.
But it's only a wedding.
That's not such a big deal.
Yes, it is a big deal when you're going to be the maid of honor! Anyway, her best friend from California can't come out to be in the wedding, so what could I say? - I didn't have the heart to say no.
- You mean the nerve.
Don't you know what standing up for a wedding means? It's not just walking down the aisle.
I know.
I stood up for 11 weddings in college.
As maid of honor, you have to go running here and there, choosing things, arranging this well, you know.
Right.
Well, when you're younger, it doesn't matter.
You get all caught up in the hysteria of the wedding.
But now it's different.
I just don't want to do it.
I don't blame you.
Listen, when you're single in college, it doesn't matter.
You don't care if another girl gets married.
Now I can't stand to see another girl walk down the aisle in a movie theater.
You know the worst part? I feel like a hypocrite.
I just don't feel close enough to Twinks to be her maid of honor.
Hey, Mary, call her and tell her something came up.
You're right.
Enough is enough.
I will call her and tell her that I'm going out of town, and that's honest.
- How is that honest? - I'll go.
You're the only person I know who'd take a trip rather than lie.
Hello, uh, Twinks? Uh, Mary.
Listen, Twinks.
Rhoda and I are Purple? Well, no, Twinks, purple has never really been one of my favorite colors.
I Pink.
Okay.
Yes, pink is is fine.
Oh, never mind.
It was It was nothing important.
- Rhoda? Yeah, she's here.
- What? - Just a second.
Twinks for you.
- Uh-uh.
- Wh- What do you mean, "uh-uh"? - I'm not gonna talk to her.
Rhoda, she knows you're here.
You can't do this to me! Okay.
Okay, I'll talk to her for you.
Yeah? Isn't that too bad? Yeah, sure.
Okay.
See you around.
- That was short.
- You bet it was short.
Okay, so I don't handle people as well as you do.
Maybe I'm a hypocrite.
I don't know.
Before you say another word, shake hands with the bridesmaid who's wearing purple.
Hi, Tommy.
How's the social event of the season coming along? Well, the rehearsal dinner is tonight, then it'll be all over tomorrow.
I'm just gonna make it.
I'm overdrawn at the bank for the first time in my life.
- I don't believe it.
- What? A mimeographed wedding invitation.
Aren't they usually engraved? - Can someone tell me what this is about? - What is this? "Mr.
and Mrs.
Simon McFarland "request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter Rochelle Margaret to Mr.
Arnold Tvedt.
" There he goes again.
Can't you read anything without mispronouncing it? - How would you pronounce that then? - "Tvedt.
" T-V-E-D-T.
Oh, must be a typo.
What is a "tvedt"? It's a name.
Arnold Tvedt.
Oh.
- And who is Rochelle Margaret McFarland? - Twinks.
I should have known.
Poor Twinks.
I just realized.
[Lou.]
What? Well, it's just something girls do when they're going with a guy.
They doodle her name and his together, you know, to just see how it's gonna look together.
What a shock it must have been the first time she wrote it down and saw it.
Twinks Tvedt.
Hey, say, Murray, is it all right if I ride with you to the wedding? - I won't get as wrinkled that way.
- Oh, Ted, you're going? - Sure.
- Ted'll go anywhere he can wear his tux.
- How 'bout you? Are you going, Murray? - Well, I don't know.
I guess we all have to go.
We see her every day.
She does lots of favors.
Well, Mr.
Grant, are you, uh, go I No.
Hi, all.
Mary, here are the dresses for you and Rhoda.
I was so worried they wouldn't get here on time.
I sent to Detroit for them.
Oh, I see you all got your wedding invitations.
I'll put the R.
S.
V.
P.
list on the bulletin board and pick it up later.
Oh, Mr.
Grant, are you coming? My father can't be here.
He's overseas.
You remind me so much of him.
I'm not gonna have to give you away or anything, am I? Oh, no, I just want you to be there.
Yeah, all right.
All right.
Oh, I'm gonna miss you all so much.
Yeah, same here.
Ohh! Oh, what a beautiful thing to say.
I guess it's the way I put things.
Oh, Mary, I still can't get over that rehearsal.
Oh, Mary, I still can't get over that rehearsal.
I can't hear you, Rhoda.
The stuff packed around the dress is making too much noise.
I said, that rehearsal If that's any indication of what the wedding's gonna be, we're in for a lot of laughs.
What'd you think of Arnold? You know, it's funny how some people look like their names.
Like I once knew this guy named Fox.
This guy named Fox had red, bushy hair and little, beady eyes.
Now, Arnold, he looks just like a tvedt.
Hey, what's taking you so long, kid? I want to see the dress.
Mary? Are you having trouble in there? - Mary! - [Quietly.]
Yeah? Oh, it's bad, huh? Well, come out, kid.
How bad could it be? That bad, huh? I'd say, uh, 'bout the only thing worse than this dress would be this dress [Both.]
in purple.
Are you all right? Who would have thought that the stuff I said was packed around the dress was the dress? But wait, it gets better.
As maid of honor, I get the special added attraction of this sash.
Well, now, no wonder.
That makes it.
Now all you need is a lamb.
You can go as Little Bo Peep.
I can't get over Rhoda, to think that we are going to be seen - Are you all right? - I'm fine.
To be seen in public! Well, listen, if we get rid of the hoops, it might help.
- Get rid of the hoops? - Right.
And for a cute touch, we could get sticks and roll them alongside of us.
If we got rid of the hoops and, uh, and the bows Right.
We take off the bows, those puffy sleeves, the skirt We'll be walking down the aisle in our underwear, Mary.
This is gonna be a challenge it really is to see if we can turn these dresses into something halfway decent.
I'm beginning to look forward to the wedding.
You've gotta be kidding.
No, I mean it.
I know I didn't want to do it at first, but now that I'm involved in it, all caught up in the fun of the wedding and all - [Doorbell Buzzes.]
- [Rhoda.]
Who's this? - Hi! Twinks! - Hi.
Oh, you've got it on.
I was hoping to get here before you opened the box.
I wish you had.
- Twinks, what is it? Tell me.
- I can't.
- Did you and Arnold have a fight? - Oh, no.
- [Car Horn Honking.]
- Oh, that Arnold, he's so impatient.
He can't stand it when I'm away from him for one second.
Isn't that cute? - Will you tell me what's wrong? - Mary.
My best, best best, very best friend is flying out after all, and I You want her to be the maid of honor? That's it! Oh, you're not mad? I knew you'd understand.
- [Horn Honking.]
- Oh, that's Arnold.
I better tell him to wait while you take off the dress.
Take off th-the dress? Yes, so Patsy can wear it.
Well, I ju I just I just paid for it.
Oh, Mar, I couldn't get another dress from Detroit by tomorrow.
I'm sure you and she can work something out money wise.
Oh, isn't it lucky that you're both the same size? - [Horn Honking.]
- Oh! That must be the prerequisite for being her best friend you gotta be a size eight.
Mary, that is why I stay away from warm, friendly people.
- They get you every time.
- She did get me a little, didn't she? A little? Mary, you've been running yourself ragged for her, planning her wedding, giving her a shower, buying gifts, just because you shared a bunk 18 years ago.
Then she comes in here and does this? Ahh.
It's ridiculous.
Frankly, it's not my idea of a friendship.
- You're just gonna take it, aren't you? - Maybe I won't.
Ah, yes, you will.
You always do.
Well, just maybe this time I won't, that's all.
- Oh, thanks, Mar.
- [Horn Honking.]
Oh, Arnold! We were thinking it would look better without the hoops.
- Listen Twinks.
- Hmm? You know, I've been sort of running myself ragged for you the last couple of weeks, giving showers and gifts and everything because I thought you were my friend, and now you come in here and tell me some other girl is just gonna walk down the aisle in my dress.
You know, that somehow bothers me.
Frankly, that's just not my idea of friendship.
You're right, Mary.
It might look better without the hoops.
I'll see you at the wedding.
Bye! You're right.
I'm glad I got that out of my system.
I am.
Well, I was pretty proud of you.
However, it might have been more effective had she heard you! Why? It wouldn't have made any difference at all.
There is no getting through to that girl.
She doesn't listen.
- It's like talking to a wall.
- What are you getting so excited about? It's all over, and frankly, I don't really mind.
But I do! I'm still a bridesmaid! Well, I gotta admit, I found one great moment of satisfaction during that ceremony.
Really? What was that? When I saw that beautiful girl, that friend from California, walking down the aisle in that dress, looking absolutely hide Actually, she didn't, you know, look that bad.
Good try, Mar.
How 'bout the viciousness when Twinks threw the bouquet? Boy, you had to be a real fighter to get that one.
Those girls were more desperate than I was, but not as tricky.
[Mews.]