The Mick (2017) s02e12 Episode Script

The City

1 [LAUGHTER] - Oh - MICKEY: All right.
Like the energy in here.
Catch me up to speed.
Oh.
Uh, Benny found Chip's dad's rap sheet, and we're just making fun of his face and his life and stuff.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
- Do it, do it.
- Okay, I got one.
[DEEP VOICE]: Uh, hello, my name is Bert.
Uh, despite my four drunk driving arrests, I totally intend to get my life back on track.
[LAUGHS] What? Are you serious? There's no way this guy could get his life ba Hey.
What's up? It's private stuff.
Give it give it back.
Well, it's actually not.
It's-it's sort of public record.
Sorry, Chip.
We just wanted to know more about What? That I'm the bastard of some craphead strip club owner? Okay, well, now you know.
The the cat's out of the bag.
[DOORBELL RINGS] [QUIETLY]: Excuse me.
CHIP: What? Mackenzie Molng? [GRUNTS] Oh You okay? Yeah, I'm good.
How are you? I have information regarding James Shepherd.
What, did he shoplift a hot dog or something? [LAUGHTER] He's dead.
[LAUGHS] Found him in the East River.
This is, uh, all he had on him.
[EXHALES] Ready? Yeah.
[SIGHS] Yup.
That is him, all right.
What? That is not Jimmy, that's just some fat mustached man.
What? Jimmy was a fat mustached man.
Yes, I understand that, but not nearly as fat and mustached as this man.
Oh, Mickey, you-you know, denial is the first stage of grief.
Sir, can you flip him over, please? We need to see his ass.
Jimmy had a burned ass.
Can you flip him over, please? I can't do that.
Right.
Right, of course you can't.
Been here before.
Um, can you do it now? No, I mean physically.
He's 200 pounds.
[LAUGHS] Soaking wet.
- Alba.
- Hmm? - Have some respect for the dead.
- I Now go grab one of his legs so I can look inside his ass.
- You, too, sir.
Come on.
- ALBA: Oh, Mickey, no.
Ew.
Great news.
Jimmy's alive.
Actually, don't really know that for sure, but that's not his body.
So what happens to him now? Uh I don't know, pal.
But it can't be good if his wallet's washing up in the pocket of some bloated hobo.
Not Jimmy, the body.
Oh.
I don't know.
I guess they bury it or burn it, or Come on, let's roll.
Hold on.
We waste half a day getting to the city, and Jimmy's not even dead? We should stop by the penthouse.
- You told me you sold that? - I did tell you that.
So why were we living in some burned down death trap? Oh, because my room was fine.
And on the weekends, I would sleep in the penthouse.
- You're sick.
- ALBA: Wait, hey, hey, hey.
How about we go see Hamilton while we're here? Y-You can't get tickets, it's impossible.
- I've seen it twice.
- It's so frickin' moving.
- What? - All right, tickets are impossible to get unless you're a-a spoiled jackass.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Do a little shopping, get some lunch.
Ooh.
We should go to Mom's old strip club and try to get eyes on your dad.
No way, I am not going there.
Ay, Chip, you at least need to see the guy.
The last time you said that, I got my frickin' heart stomped.
- Wha - All right, listen.
Chip.
I know it's not easy, but the guy's your dad.
So I think it's pretty important that you go see him.
- How bad could he be? - Oh, I-I bet he's horrific.
But you need to see what you're gonna turn into one day.
You know? All right, gang.
Let's go to that penthouse, huh? No.
We can't just leave him here.
Are you talking about that dead body again? Yes.
He's a person.
He deserves better.
I won't leave without him.
You know I smashed her You know I smashed her You know I smashed her BERT: No, shut up.
Shut up! You're late again, and it's back to Pittsburgh.
Now, get out there and shake whatever that cake tray is you call an ass! Go! Yeah, bro, I passed her What the? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, come on.
No.
No, no, no.
What? What are we what are we, letting kids in now? How'd you get past the bouncer? There was no bouncer.
No bouncer? You didn't see Ronnie out there? - No.
- Hey! Where the hell is Ronnie? Why do I pay anybody? I-I-I have no idea.
What do you know? Like, who are you? Let's start there.
I am your son.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, yeah.
Nice try.
Nice try, 'cause I've never seen this broad before in my life.
I'm not his mom, I'm his sister.
You're his sister? You're not his mom? Hey, how you doing? - My name is Bert.
- Listen, we think our mom used to work here.
Poodle Pemberton.
Poodle Pember Nah, I don't know that name.
You're probably at the wrong place, so come on, guys, get out.
- Go.
Get out.
- Now what about, uh, Pamela Molng? Oh, Pamela Molng.
Yeah, yeah.
Great ass.
Terrible dancer.
Yeah, Pamela Molng, okay.
All right.
Yeah.
What do you want? Nothing really, I guess I just wanted to meet you.
Oh, geez.
Um I feel bad, like a jerk.
You know? Let me make it up to you.
Let me let me get you something to drink.
You-you can you drink? Do you drink? Can you? I there's so much I don't know about you.
Hey, let's start with a tour.
You want to come with us? - You guys go ahead.
- Just the boys.
That's better, then.
Okay? What do you say? Come on, buddy.
Where do you want to be scattered, mister? Yankee Stadium, off the top of the Empire State Building? Wherever we go, it's gonna be special.
It'd better be.
I had to kick that creepy guy 60 bucks to get those ashes.
[SIGHS] Yeah.
I'm still not convinced that isn't Jimmy.
Ah, Jimmy's fine.
Ashes probably took his wallet, beat him up a bit, and then sent him on his way.
And that makes you happy? I'm not happy 'cause of that.
Happy 'cause I won the breakup.
Congratulations.
Yeah, thanks.
- Ooh.
- Ah.
This place is nice.
I see why Sabrina kept it from me.
- Are-are you eating a shrimp? - Mm.
Mm-hmm.
Where'd you get that? We've been here for four seconds.
I mean, boy, girl, who cares? It's Thailand.
- [MEN LAUGHING] - [LAUGHS, GASPS] Jimmy? - Don't freak out.
- Don't freak out? I was just down at the morgue staring at some dead guy's ass, - wondering if it was you.
- Please be quiet, okay? I have company.
My bosses are here.
- You have a job? - Okay, listen.
Come here, come here, get up.
Okay, listen to me.
When I got here, things were bad, okay? I was sleeping on the streets, I almost froze to death.
And then my friend Dusty, he gave me a sleeping bag.
Now, sadly, he froze to death.
So I had to put my wallet into his pants and float him down the river.
Why? I needed a fresh start.
Jimmy Shepherd had to go.
Do not ruin this like you ruin everything else in my life.
What is that supposed to mean? It means you burnt my ass! Okay? You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
- WES: Yo, Benny, what is taking so long? - Oh, yeah.
Plus I stole Ben's identity.
- What? - Ho! There they are.
Hey, guys.
I want to introduce you to some old friends of mine.
This is Mickey, this is Alba, and this is little Jimmy.
I'm Jimmy.
- You guys joining us for dinner? - No, they're not.
- They're jumping on a train - I could eat.
Terrific.
I'll add three to the reservation.
Oh, no.
Ben Jimmy and I are going to try and get Hamilton tickets.
- I can get you tickets.
- No, Wes, come on.
- We should take Dusty.
- Yeah.
Boom.
Tomorrow night.
Two tickets waiting for you at the box office.
Shall we? [ALBA CHUCKLES] Shall we? Come on in.
This right here is, uh, is my office.
Desk.
The window Also my bedroom.
Look at this.
Uh, but I know what you're thinking, "My pop's a loser.
" But, you know what, this is only temporary.
Can I share with you something that I don't really share with anybody? Sure-sure.
- I guess.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead, open it.
Go ahead.
It's not an animal or nothing.
Oh! Yeah.
Look at that.
I call it "The Gentle Man.
" It's a throwback to when strip clubs had class.
Right? You got yourself a-a black tie dress code, there's a cigar room, and all the finest trim that Florida has to offer.
It's, uh it's in Florida? You bet it's in Florida, kid.
You bet.
Right? I can taste the oranges already.
I-I got almost $100 grand stashed away, off the books.
RUSSIAN WOMAN: Aw, cute! Bertie made a new friend to share his toys with.
Get out! Get out right now! [COUGHING] [GROANING] Need that fast cash Big ol' bankroll Yeah, we need that fast cash Let's go.
We're leaving.
Already? Why? Something happen? Ew, did he touch you? You can tell me.
- No - Actually, wait.
I don't want to know.
No, he didn't touch me.
I invited him over for dinner.
Let's go.
Absolutely not.
Wha You're the one who told me to meet the guy.
I said you should see the guy.
You're the idiot that had to go over and talk to him.
All righty.
[GRUNTS] All right, let's boogie.
Cab is on me.
Okay? - Hey! - Hey! I'm taking my cut.
Then we'll do the polenta mac and cheese, the artichoke, and a round of clam chowders.
New England or Manhattan? Come on, pal.
What city do you think this is? Every time with the chowder, this guy.
So, uh, what do you guys do exactly? Finance.
We just left Goldman and opened up our own little shop.
Shop? Like, what, like a store? [CHUCKLES] No, Mick, like a brokerage firm, you know? I mean, basically if there's a buck to be made, these hounds are gonna sniff it out.
- To big Ben.
- To Ben.
- [PHONE RINGING] - Thanks, guys.
Oh, God, it's Nielsen.
[SIGHS] Excuse me while I go talk this idiot off a ledge.
No, please, Wes.
Enjoy the meal, all right? It's what you guys pay me for.
Findale Partners.
Yes, Mr.
Nielsen.
I don't have him right now, but can I take a message? Oh, well, I'm glad you got that out of your system.
Now, what do you really want me to tell him? Yeah.
I think that's a very smart move, and I will send over the paperwork first thing in the morning.
Looks like you boys got yourself another fish.
He's in for $100 grand.
Oh! [LAUGHS] Whoa, whoa.
No, no, no, no, no.
We got ourselves another fish.
No, no, no, no, no.
That's your fish.
You guys reel them in, I just club them in the head so it doesn't bite your hand while you rip out the hook.
[LAUGHTER] You guys are fishermen now.
Well, whatever it takes, Mick.
Yeah, yeah.
I see that.
And you're, like, their secretary.
- No.
I'm not the secretary.
- No? I'm the gofer.
Oh, um, what's the difference? Well, a secretary sits at the desk and lets the AC blow up her skirt all day.
You know? And I'm out there picking up coffee and rolling calls, grabbing dry cleaning.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Cheers.
It just kind of seems like a waste to me, fellas.
- Well, how do you mean? - Well, Ben here is a born salesman.
Okay, you know what, Mick? That's not really - No, no, no, no, no, no.
I-I-I'm helping.
- Not what I'm helping.
See, uh, he sells.
He's a seller.
That's what he does.
He sells things.
He always has, and he's gonna continue to sell things 'cause that's what he's always done.
So the question becomes: Is he going to be selling for you, or is he gonna be selling for your competitor? Okay, that's when Mick goes over the board and No, no, no.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Come on.
Come on.
If these guys are gonna mess their shorts for a hundred Gs, they might as well let this dog off the leash.
Let him hunt.
I'll tell you what, Ben.
If you can reel in a tuna that big, I'll give you the office next to mine.
Oh! There we go.
That sounds like a deal to me.
What do you think, Ben? - That's a deal.
- Yeah! - All right! - Big Ben the seller.
Dude, that's your dad.
He's not a well man, Sabrina.
I'm gonna go drop a deuce.
[GRUNTS] Is the plunger already in there, or? I-I don't know.
See if you can dig one up for me, okay? We have to get that guy to Florida.
Had to get involved, didn't you?! Just when I'm back on my own two feet, you come by with a crowbar and take me out at the knees.
- Whoa! Jimmy's alive? - And well.
- Like, you look well.
- Thank you, Sabrina.
I was doing well until your aunt showed up and decided to ruin my dreams again.
I'm sorry for fast-tracking your career.
I didn't want you to do that.
What do you want, Jimmy? I want to put my head down and work hard.
Then, maybe someday they give me the fancy office with the window and a chair that swivels.
So a chair is what you're after? It's something, Mick, and it's more than I've had in a long time.
What are you guys talking about? Oh, Jimmy's mad at me 'cause I got him a promotion.
Yeah.
That's right.
And all I have to do is find a six-figure investor.
Tell me, Mick, where am I gonna find somebody with that kind of Do-Re-Mi? Do-Re-Mi? - Yeah, it's a New York thing.
- It is not a New York thing.
It is.
"You got that kind of Do-Re-Mi.
" It means money.
No one's ever said it.
False alarm, kiddo.
It was all gas.
I didn't know we had company.
How are you? I'm, I'm Bert Bellinger.
I'm I'm Chet's dad.
- Chip.
- Yup.
I recognized you from your picture.
- Thank you.
- Mm Hey, you're-you're Chip's dad? I'm Ben Pemberton.
- What? - I've been keeping your spot warm for a couple months.
He's a great kid.
You're gonna love him.
If I don't love him, can I return him? [CHUCKLES] I'm just kidding.
Actually, you know what? I think you two might be able to help each other.
I like the way it looks.
I mean, it's-it's typed on paper.
These guys are legit, Bert.
Let me ask you a question.
You ever hear of Goldman Sachs? Oh, man, that's the guy O.
J.
cut up, right? No, that's, uh, Ron Goldman.
This is a big financial firm.
Okay, that sounds impressive.
That does.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just I've been saving all of my money to open this club in Florida.
Bert, I can assure you that everybody in this room is fully committed to you going to Florida.
Absolutely.
I don't know.
Uh, Chip.
What do you think about all this? Can you vouch? W-Well Yeah.
Yeah, I think you should do it.
I think it's a, a good idea.
I'm gonna do it! I'm in.
Oh, yeah! - Good job! Yeah.
- Congratulations, Bert.
I'll have the guys draw up the paperwork.
- We'll sign it at dinner, yeah? - Yes.
You sure this is the right place? I mean, it was the address on the card.
[GASPS] - You know what this is? - No.
It's a boiler room.
- What's that? - Like the movie.
- I haven't seen it.
- Really? These shady finance bros who trick people into making bad investments and then they steal all their money and spend it on Quaaludes.
Ah, like fricking Wolf of Wall Street.
Didn't even see it.
Nah.
Didn't look interesting to me.
But this makes perfect sense.
Jimmy didn't win the breakup.
I did.
I won the breakup.
Right? Of course I did.
And I-I got to tell you, Chip, it feels not great.
It doesn't feel great.
Oh, Jimmy.
Oh, man.
He was so excited about this.
My dad is pouring all his money into this.
I I-I got to stop him.
No, no, no, no.
No.
Don't do that.
'Cause if Jimmy finds out he stepped in crap again, it'll kill him.
And I mean that literally.
He might he might kill himself.
Come on, Benito.
This way.
- Yeah, yeah.
- I want candy.
What okay.
Quickly.
- What do you want? - MAN: What can I get for you? I want chocolate, I want gummies And I want Pixie Scoop for Dusty.
Okay.
Uh, and a white wine.
You know, in case Dusty gets thirsty.
Hey.
Oh, hey.
Music down.
- [MUSIC FADES] - FEMALE VOICE: Music down.
- What are you drinking? - A Manhattan.
Really leaning into this Manhattan thing, huh? Greatest city in the world.
Huh.
I remember you calling New York the unwiped anus of America.
Jimmy Shepherd said that.
He said a lot of dumb things.
Yes.
That's definitely true.
He was a child, Mick.
I stand before you a man in a suit.
Jimmy, are you sure you want to do this? All right, you know what? I know what you're doing, and stop it.
Stop what? This pathetic jealous charade.
Why would I be jealous? Uh, I don't know, maybe because I won the breakup.
You can't win a breakup.
That's ludicrous.
- [PHONE RINGING] - I got to take this.
No just wait a second.
I have to tell you something No.
I don't want to hear it.
All right? I am done playing your little mind games.
For the first time in a long time, I'm proud to be me.
Ben Pemberton.
- Come on, Jimmy.
- Yeah, buddy.
I'm on my way.
That's how you wave now? Music.
Jazz.
- [JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING] - FEMALE VOICE: Jazz.
I mean, there's this primordial goo, right? They're inside of it.
Their mouth becomes their butt Four Manhattan clam chowders.
Careful.
They are hot.
Uh.
Whoa.
I didn't I didn't order this.
I ordered it, Bert.
Okay? Because here at Findale Partners, we take care of you.
So, whether we're putting soup in your belly or money in your pocket, I want you to know that as soon as you hand over that check Cash.
What's that? I brought a lot of cash.
I hope that's okay.
WES: You brought oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Brought cash.
We will make it work.
All right, we're in business.
WES: I'll hold that if you want.
No? Okay.
Are those idiots eating more chowder? CHIP: Shh.
They're coming.
MICKEY: Soup's on, boys.
Gentlemen, so sorry to interrupt your dinner.
We're with the IRS.
Can't you see that we are with a client right now? No.
You know what, Wes? I can handle this.
And you're also with the firm? No.
Not officially, but I will be soon.
Ben Pemberton.
Nice, Jimmy.
Hand your fake ID to a federal agent.
[LAUGHTER] - JIMMY: That's what I'm saying.
- What is happening? - Absolutely.
- Am I a walrus? I don't know.
Maybe I'm Arrest those frickin' boilers.
Well, everything seems to be above board here.
Yeah.
- Sorry for the inconvenience.
- Absolutely.
And you have our information if you need it.
[CLEARING THROAT]: Yeah, thank you.
Oh.
I don't think I got your name.
Ah, my [CLEARS THROAT] mine? Me? Yeah.
My name is, uh, you know, I'm just [GRUNTS] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING] - Secure him, secure him.
- Oh, no, sir! These are my dreams.
- Don't fight me.
- Get off of me.
It's not Florida, but that'll work.
[LAUGHS] Amazing! I Five stars.
Two thumbs up.
- It was incredible! - Yeah.
- Do you think Dusty liked it? - Oh, Dusty loved it.
You know what? I think Dusty loved it so much, that we should scatter his ashes here, under the bright lights of Broadway.
- That's a great idea.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Dusty, what do you think of that? Sound good to you? Ben, I-I thought you ate the Pixie Scoop.
I did.
Oh, boy.
I'm cooperating.
What's the matter with you? Hey, get off of me.
That's my money, anyway.
Who's got it? You want to tax something? Why don't you tax my ass? I need more tape.
How you doing, Jimmy? Some idiot called in and said we were running a boiler room out of the offices.
We haven't even moved into the offices.
Huh.
JIMMY: Oh.
Guys, I owe you a big apology.
- No, it's fine.
- Really? Well, obviously we can't work with you anymore.
WES: Also, that cop said your name's not even Ben, which is weird.
Yeah.
We got to go.
- Jimmy.
- No.
No.
- I am a loser.
- You are not a loser.
I am, Mick.
I got nothing.
I'm just some freak with burned-up genitals and an ass to match.
Listen, um some people just have bad luck.
You know? Yeah.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Do you want some help? [EXHALES] No, no, no.
I got to learn how to do this on my own.
[GROANS] I'll see you around, Mick.
[GROANS] Just Jimmy! Jimmy! Mick, I'm not in the mood.
I did it.
Did what? I did all of it.
Your ass, your, you know, your nuts.
I burned them all.
It was all me.
Why? [LAUGHS]: I don't know.
I mean, your ass 'cause I thought it'd be funny.
It didn't it didn't turn out to be.
But your nuts, that was because I didn't want you to get mixed up in a boiler room.
- You did that? - Yeah.
It was all me.
Everything bad that's ever happened in your life, it was 'cause of me, not you.
And you won the breakup.
No, Mickey.
I didn't win the br I lost.
I lost you.
Can you come home? Ugh.
It You just You stink like clams.
- Yeah.
I've been eating a lot of chowder.
- Mm-hmm.
Cool.
Can you? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I just don't want it on me, you know.
Right.
- Let's go home.
- Yeah.
You all right there? I mean, you burned my nuts off.
Are we gonna start with this already? Well, that's what happened.
I said I was sorry.
MICKEY: Your ass, nuts I burned them all.