The Middle s01e09 Episode Script
Siblings
Come on, move.
Move.
FRANKIE: My worst fears were about to be realized.
There was one event I could not afford to be late for and this was it.
NANCY: Congratulations.
We just elected you chairwoman of the winter wreath sale.
[WOMEN APPLAUD.]
FRANKIE: Yup, when you showed up late for Booster Club you paid the price.
Best part is you get to keep the wreaths at your place so your whole house will smell amazing.
And it'll last for months because you never find all the needles.
That's the sap.
You'll wanna have a lot of turpentine around the house.
If you cut it with water, it won't make your palms so raw.
Hey, my girls.
Did you finish your wreaths? Shelly showed me how to use a glue gun.
- Look what a good job she did.
NANCY: Oh.
Show your brother.
[IN UNISON.]
Sean.
Hey, you two.
- Can I have a ride? - No problem.
You too, milkshake.
[GIRLS GIGGLING.]
FRANKIE: After all the crap that had been thrown that night the sight of those three kids lovingly frolicking around the room really bugged the hell out of me.
I didn't really put my finger on why till I got home.
And then it hit me.
I've never seen my kids frolic together.
It's like they were three strangers in a bus station waiting to get out of here.
MAN [ON TV.]
: - why I'm here all by myself.
FRANKIE: Maybe they didn't hang out because Sue and Axl had nothing in common.
So I'm trying out for Wrestlettes which is wrestling cheerleaders which is easier to get into than regular cheerleaders.
It's all hot in the gym where wrestling is, there's not really a crowd to cheer to.
FRANKIE: Or maybe it's because Brick's so much younger.
Or maybe because Brick's so much Brick.
Brick, what are you doing? It usually copies me but sometimes if I look very carefully it doesn't.
Mom! FRANKIE: When the three are forced to do anything together that's when the fun starts.
- Feels like we've been driving forever.
- Feels like we've been driving forever.
- Cut it out.
- Cut it out.
- Not funny.
- Not funny.
- You know I hate that.
- You know I hate that.
- Why are you so mean? - Why are you so mean? Why are you so mean? - I'm ignoring you.
- I'm ignoring you.
I'm ignoring you.
- Wait, what? - Wait, what? - Knock it off.
- Knock it off.
- It doesn't work that way.
- It doesn't work that way.
[BOTH GROAN.]
[SIGHS.]
What is wrong with you people? Why are you watching the same show on three different TVs? We can't agree on the volume.
FRANKIE: The next morning, Mike met Aunt Edie at the quarry.
It's really brutal this year, Edie.
Most of the guys will get almost no bonus at all.
FRANKIE: Ever since she retired as a bookkeeper 14 years ago Aunt Edie came to Mike's office every December to help close out the books.
Hoping we can massage the numbers to avoid triggering layoffs but it's gonna be tight.
- What are you doing with that? - I gotta plug in Ginny.
[POWER HUMMING.]
You brought Ginny to the quarry? EDIE: Well, the wheelchair won't fit into the trailer and I'm afraid to leave her home alone because I think Ginny is starting to lose it.
- Oh, no kidding.
Sorry to hear that.
- And then there's something else.
I think Ginny is starting to lose it.
[GRUNTS.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Yeah, come in.
Hey, madam chairwoman.
Hey, Nancy.
What's up? I came because people were complaining they hadn't gotten their wreaths.
I only brought them home last night.
You're doing awesome.
I just set the bar really high.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Oh.
Those girls, ha.
I'm taking Dotty to the mall to get her ears pierced.
She wants to be just like her sister.
Wow.
They're really close, aren't they? Why do you suppose that is? Early on, Joe and I decided our kids getting along was a priority.
But it takes a lot of work.
Damn.
I was hoping it was something you just crushed into their cereal.
When the kids would get into an argument I'd get in there and give the proper tools to resolve things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure.
I mean, I do that.
SUE: Give it to me.
Stop it.
AXL: Uh-uh.
Hey, knock it off.
We're trying to watch TV.
- And Mike supports you? - Oh, yeah, sure.
Hey, you heard your mom.
Knock it off.
AXL: Give her the blues.
I get the oranges.
The important thing is we made sure that they spent time together.
Family dinners, game nights, car trips, the obvious things.
Oh, yeah, I'm Those things are obvious.
FRANKIE: Dinners, game night, trips.
Dinners, game night Damn it, what was the last one? Hi, how's it going? I had lunch with Stan today, corporate wants another 10,000 out of the budget.
- I think your Aunt Edie's losing her mind.
- What? Throughout the day, she called me Mickey, Milton, Myrtle.
Seriously, I think she's going, you know, senile.
She's not.
All the women in our family get a little loopy toward the end.
Uh, what are you doing? We having company? No.
I don't know.
I just thought we'd eat in here.
Did the kids break the big TV? Hey, kids, get in here.
No, no.
Nobody broke the TV.
No, I just thought, you know, we don't have to eat with the TV every night.
We could sit, talk to each other.
- Why are there plates on the table? - That's where we're eating dinner.
What? I don't wanna watch the little TV.
Aah! Did someone break the big TV? The TVs are fine.
We're just not watching them until after supper.
Tonight, we're having a family dinner in here for a change.
Dad? You heard your mother.
Everybody, sit down.
What is the big deal? We've eaten at the table before.
I don't have a chair.
FRANKIE: Huh.
I guess we hadn't eaten at the table since we had Brick.
Not a problem.
We have more chairs outside.
Dad.
Why are we doing this? Uh, maybe your mom and I need to talk to you.
I don't know.
- Are you getting a divorce? - Let's see how this goes.
This'll be fun.
You know, this is actually how a lot of people eat dinner every night.
They sit and they face each other.
They ask questions about how their day went.
Let's do that.
So, what was your high and what was your low of the day? My low is right now.
Fine, I'll do it.
My high is having dinner here with my family.
My low is the comment that Axl just made.
Sue.
My high was the guy who sits next to me in Science saw me in the hallway today and seemed to sort of recognize me.
Hmm.
My low was that I was wrong.
- He didn't.
- [SNEEZES.]
Loser.
What did I say about sneezing words at your sister? My low is realizing that my family never bought a chair for me.
My high is that I can eat food right off the table.
AXL: Oh Wait, I wanna change my low.
Okay, all right.
Let's just forget highs and lows.
We'll do something different.
Hmm Everybody look at the person on your left and say something nice.
- You mean well.
- Thank you.
Axl, you do Sue.
[GROANS.]
Your head is basically the right size for your body.
Really? You're not just saying that? No.
It's everything, like, below the head that's got the problem.
- Shut up.
- You know what shuts people up? TV.
Listen, you kids are not even trying.
You're brother and sister.
This is the only relationship that is going to last your whole life.
You know, someday your dad and I are not gonna be around anymore.
- And you're only gonna have each other.
- Are you dying? That's why we we're eating at the table.
- She's dying.
- No.
I'm not dying.
Oh, my God.
Dad's dying.
- Nobody is dying.
- Why can't we all just die now? - Mike.
- Axl.
- What did I say? FRANKIE: About the comment you just made about everybody MIKE: All right.
That's it.
That's it.
You three are gonna start loving each other right now because that's what your mother wants.
Right? Is that what you want? FRANKIE: So despite my best efforts family dinner had wheezed and choked itself to a final, undignified death.
Can we go watch TV now? Yeah, throw out your plates.
Nice to have a change.
So, what's up with you? You going loopy a little ahead of schedule? No, I just thought if we ate dinner together it might help the kids to become friends.
You know, I was talking to Nancy Donahue today Oh, man, here we go.
[SIGHS.]
Every time you talk to that woman, there's always something.
You run into her, next thing I know, I can't eat white bread anymore.
Her kids are nuts about each other.
You see how they are together.
- They're helpful, caring and - Yeah, I've seen it.
It's unnatural.
All that, "Can I help you? You're so pretty.
" One of these days, there's gonna be a bloodbath in that house.
- I wonder if we've been lazy.
- How the hell have we been lazy? In the last 15 years I think we sat down twice.
Face it, we have cut corners as parents.
We're tired, we've been busy.
We slacked off on a lot of family stuff and that's why our kids aren't close.
All right.
If you're this worried about it, I can help you.
- But you know what I'm gonna say.
- Oh, God.
Sports.
[FRANKIE SIGHS.]
MIKE: Okay, everybody.
This family is heading outside to play touch football.
Football? Why? I'm don't wanna play with her.
But this is my favorite commercial.
- What did Mom do to you? - What your mother did is none of your business.
Brothers and sisters are supposed to appreciate each other.
Aunt Edie wheels Aunt Ginny into the quarry every day and she doesn't even know where she is.
That's the love and support that I wanna start seeing around here.
Let's move.
Now.
Here we go.
There's the pitch.
Here's the pitch.
Here's No pitch.
Okay, it's a break.
Never mind.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Throw it.
Okay, a little indecisive there.
Hike.
FRANKIE: At first it was a little shaky, but then I have an idea.
Kids versus adults.
So Dad's peripheral vision is starting to go and Mom can't run too fast or she'll pee.
So go deep and to the left.
Ready? ALL: Break.
FRANKIE: After a few plays, something weird happened.
SUE: I did it.
FRANKIE: Those kids were throwing and laughing like a bunch of Donahues.
Sue, do 10 yards, out.
Brick, 5-yard buttonhook.
I'm gonna roll out right, find you in the end zone.
I've got a better idea.
- Car.
AXL: Car, car, car.
Oh, no, no, no.
- Oh, wait a minute.
- Oh, no.
Look at you.
- You, you, you.
Come on.
Come on.
- All right.
- You're slick, guys.
FRANKIE: Come on.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Oh, boy.
All right.
FRANKIE: Later, the kids came inside and had dessert together.
And to my utter amazement, Axl didn't pretend to commit suicide once.
There were no two ways about it.
Mike was onto something.
Suffice to say the kids weren't the only ones who got along especially well that night.
Which is good because the next day? Not so relaxing for Mike.
Hey, guys.
Mike, we just got our bonus checks, and we need to talk to you.
Jim has prepared a statement from all of us.
It's not what you expected, but you have to understand what we're going through.
"In these difficult times it is rare to have a boss who is not only generous, but also is who a boss.
" - That can't be right.
- I told you to proofread it.
Hold on.
I was generous? How generous was I? Oh, my God.
Mike, we want you to know, you didn't just give us money this year.
You gave hope back to our families.
- So, what are you gonna do? - I don't know.
I gotta find a way to take back hope from guys who use dynamite for a living.
AXL: Hey! - You guys ready for football? - What's that now? Come on, kids versus the elderly.
Let's go.
Oh, guys, we have both had really hard days.
Why don't you play without us? But it won't be any fun without you.
FRANKIE: Yup, the kids had such a good time they wanted to do it the next night.
And the next night.
And the next night.
Turns out there is a way to bond your kids, have tons of family fun together.
Only trouble is, it requires spending a whole lot of time with them.
Let's let them win quick and get back in here while the couch is still warm.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
FRANKIE: Mike knew he was gonna have to bite the bullet and fire Aunt Edie.
Or was he? [GASPS.]
I was just about ready to start another round of checks.
Listen, Aunt Edie.
There's something we gotta talk about.
It's not easy.
You've been doing this annual close-out for a long time.
I think the work keeps me alive.
That's nice.
But you've earned the right to retire.
Thanks, doll.
Should we get started on those new checks? No.
No checks.
I'm trying to tell you that we won't be needing you here anymore.
Oh, I see.
So you wanna do the checks this afternoon then? No.
No, I don't need you to write the checks.
Ever.
So from now on, I'll just be balancing the books? No.
No, no more balancing.
No more checks.
If I'm not writing checks and not balancing the books I won't be working for you at all.
That's right.
Exactly.
It's time for you to take Ginny and go home.
- Oh, I don't think you mean that.
- Why don't I? Because if I go home now, the work'll pile up and we'll get behind.
Edie, you're a great old gal - I think you're cute too.
- Thanks.
But the job here is over.
No more job.
Job done.
I'm letting you go.
- Do you get it? - Oh, I get it.
I know what it means to be let go.
- You do? - Mm-hm.
Now, if we continue on this, we are just never gonna get these checks done.
Aunt Edie, you're fired.
- Fired? - Yes.
Oh, this is very disappointing.
What is? Tell me what you think is disappointing.
- Well, that I'm fired.
- Oh, thank God.
Well, should we get started now? You know, I think I've actually got those checks pretty much under control but what I really do need your help with Management is all over me about getting this puzzle put together.
Oh, my.
This is a big one.
Oh, look at this, I found a corner.
Good girl.
[EDIE CHUCKLES.]
They're waiting for us.
[GRUNTS.]
- Ow! Damn.
- What? My knee went out for a second.
I'm gonna have to sit this one out.
Oh.
Well, Mom, you're still coming, right? Yeah, I'll be right there.
Phew! - Mike.
- I think I might've pulled a ligament.
Better walk this off.
I can't believe you're bailing on me.
Football was your idea.
Yep, and the knee was my idea too.
I'm on a roll.
Mike, they're not gonna play if we don't go out there.
Frankie, we can't do this every day.
It's not our job to entertain them.
They're gonna get along or they won't.
It's not up to us.
You know what that sounds like to me? The excuse of a lazy, lazy parent.
Well, you know what? I'm not gonna be lazy.
- Mom, you're not even running.
- You gotta throw the ball closer.
FRANKIE: I wasn't sure which was making me madder.
That Mike was bailing on the family by faking an injury or that he thought of it first.
Mom, you've gotta run.
FRANKIE: Did I? Did I have to run? I was sick of touch football.
How the hell did the Kennedys do it for so many years? You know what? I really should be making calls about those wreaths, but you keep playing.
Forget it.
I'm just gonna go watch TV.
Whoa! I call the big TV.
You always get the big TV.
No, no.
Stop.
You can't go inside just because I'm going inside.
- Why not? - You gotta stay here and bond, damn it.
What? No way.
I'm not gonna play with just my stupid sister and dork brother.
Hey, I'm not a dork.
Dork.
I was dragging my sorry butt out here every night because I thought it'd help you love each other.
But, no, we're right back to where we started.
Well, you know what I say? Love each other, don't love each other, I'm done.
[GROANS.]
Ow.
Ow.
- Mom, are you okay? - No, it hurts like hell.
FRANKIE: So my plan to bring the kids closer hadn't worked the way I wanted.
Come on, guys, stop laughing.
That was awesome, Mom.
Okay, I'm sorry, Mom, but that was hilarious.
And when you fell down, you rolled through dog poo.
FRANKIE: I had given them a story they were gonna share and enjoy long after I was gone.
So then she spiked the ball and it bounced back right off her face.
- Off her face.
SUE: Yeah.
And Axl does this great impression.
Do it, Axl.
It's really, really funny.
Okay, okay.
Well, okay, so I'm Mom.
She's out there, got the ball, she's like FRANKIE: Isn't that what bonds kids after all? The eye-rolling, the laughing together over the stupid things we do? I think so.
Or maybe that's just the excuse of a lazy, lazy parent.
Either way, I'm doing the best I can.
I know you're rolling your eyes, I'm a horrible mother.
But we have 30 wreaths to deliver by dinner, so let's move it.
Oh, wow, look how helpful your kids are.
I've been watching you guys play touch football.
Wish my kids got along like that.
How do you do it, Frankie? FRANKIE: Could've told her the truth, spared her the pain I'd gone through.
It's a lot of work, but Mike and I have just always made family a priority.
Oh, thanks.
Heh.
Just keep walking.
Nobody fight till we get to the next house.
Move.
FRANKIE: My worst fears were about to be realized.
There was one event I could not afford to be late for and this was it.
NANCY: Congratulations.
We just elected you chairwoman of the winter wreath sale.
[WOMEN APPLAUD.]
FRANKIE: Yup, when you showed up late for Booster Club you paid the price.
Best part is you get to keep the wreaths at your place so your whole house will smell amazing.
And it'll last for months because you never find all the needles.
That's the sap.
You'll wanna have a lot of turpentine around the house.
If you cut it with water, it won't make your palms so raw.
Hey, my girls.
Did you finish your wreaths? Shelly showed me how to use a glue gun.
- Look what a good job she did.
NANCY: Oh.
Show your brother.
[IN UNISON.]
Sean.
Hey, you two.
- Can I have a ride? - No problem.
You too, milkshake.
[GIRLS GIGGLING.]
FRANKIE: After all the crap that had been thrown that night the sight of those three kids lovingly frolicking around the room really bugged the hell out of me.
I didn't really put my finger on why till I got home.
And then it hit me.
I've never seen my kids frolic together.
It's like they were three strangers in a bus station waiting to get out of here.
MAN [ON TV.]
: - why I'm here all by myself.
FRANKIE: Maybe they didn't hang out because Sue and Axl had nothing in common.
So I'm trying out for Wrestlettes which is wrestling cheerleaders which is easier to get into than regular cheerleaders.
It's all hot in the gym where wrestling is, there's not really a crowd to cheer to.
FRANKIE: Or maybe it's because Brick's so much younger.
Or maybe because Brick's so much Brick.
Brick, what are you doing? It usually copies me but sometimes if I look very carefully it doesn't.
Mom! FRANKIE: When the three are forced to do anything together that's when the fun starts.
- Feels like we've been driving forever.
- Feels like we've been driving forever.
- Cut it out.
- Cut it out.
- Not funny.
- Not funny.
- You know I hate that.
- You know I hate that.
- Why are you so mean? - Why are you so mean? Why are you so mean? - I'm ignoring you.
- I'm ignoring you.
I'm ignoring you.
- Wait, what? - Wait, what? - Knock it off.
- Knock it off.
- It doesn't work that way.
- It doesn't work that way.
[BOTH GROAN.]
[SIGHS.]
What is wrong with you people? Why are you watching the same show on three different TVs? We can't agree on the volume.
FRANKIE: The next morning, Mike met Aunt Edie at the quarry.
It's really brutal this year, Edie.
Most of the guys will get almost no bonus at all.
FRANKIE: Ever since she retired as a bookkeeper 14 years ago Aunt Edie came to Mike's office every December to help close out the books.
Hoping we can massage the numbers to avoid triggering layoffs but it's gonna be tight.
- What are you doing with that? - I gotta plug in Ginny.
[POWER HUMMING.]
You brought Ginny to the quarry? EDIE: Well, the wheelchair won't fit into the trailer and I'm afraid to leave her home alone because I think Ginny is starting to lose it.
- Oh, no kidding.
Sorry to hear that.
- And then there's something else.
I think Ginny is starting to lose it.
[GRUNTS.]
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Yeah, come in.
Hey, madam chairwoman.
Hey, Nancy.
What's up? I came because people were complaining they hadn't gotten their wreaths.
I only brought them home last night.
You're doing awesome.
I just set the bar really high.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Oh.
Those girls, ha.
I'm taking Dotty to the mall to get her ears pierced.
She wants to be just like her sister.
Wow.
They're really close, aren't they? Why do you suppose that is? Early on, Joe and I decided our kids getting along was a priority.
But it takes a lot of work.
Damn.
I was hoping it was something you just crushed into their cereal.
When the kids would get into an argument I'd get in there and give the proper tools to resolve things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure.
I mean, I do that.
SUE: Give it to me.
Stop it.
AXL: Uh-uh.
Hey, knock it off.
We're trying to watch TV.
- And Mike supports you? - Oh, yeah, sure.
Hey, you heard your mom.
Knock it off.
AXL: Give her the blues.
I get the oranges.
The important thing is we made sure that they spent time together.
Family dinners, game nights, car trips, the obvious things.
Oh, yeah, I'm Those things are obvious.
FRANKIE: Dinners, game night, trips.
Dinners, game night Damn it, what was the last one? Hi, how's it going? I had lunch with Stan today, corporate wants another 10,000 out of the budget.
- I think your Aunt Edie's losing her mind.
- What? Throughout the day, she called me Mickey, Milton, Myrtle.
Seriously, I think she's going, you know, senile.
She's not.
All the women in our family get a little loopy toward the end.
Uh, what are you doing? We having company? No.
I don't know.
I just thought we'd eat in here.
Did the kids break the big TV? Hey, kids, get in here.
No, no.
Nobody broke the TV.
No, I just thought, you know, we don't have to eat with the TV every night.
We could sit, talk to each other.
- Why are there plates on the table? - That's where we're eating dinner.
What? I don't wanna watch the little TV.
Aah! Did someone break the big TV? The TVs are fine.
We're just not watching them until after supper.
Tonight, we're having a family dinner in here for a change.
Dad? You heard your mother.
Everybody, sit down.
What is the big deal? We've eaten at the table before.
I don't have a chair.
FRANKIE: Huh.
I guess we hadn't eaten at the table since we had Brick.
Not a problem.
We have more chairs outside.
Dad.
Why are we doing this? Uh, maybe your mom and I need to talk to you.
I don't know.
- Are you getting a divorce? - Let's see how this goes.
This'll be fun.
You know, this is actually how a lot of people eat dinner every night.
They sit and they face each other.
They ask questions about how their day went.
Let's do that.
So, what was your high and what was your low of the day? My low is right now.
Fine, I'll do it.
My high is having dinner here with my family.
My low is the comment that Axl just made.
Sue.
My high was the guy who sits next to me in Science saw me in the hallway today and seemed to sort of recognize me.
Hmm.
My low was that I was wrong.
- He didn't.
- [SNEEZES.]
Loser.
What did I say about sneezing words at your sister? My low is realizing that my family never bought a chair for me.
My high is that I can eat food right off the table.
AXL: Oh Wait, I wanna change my low.
Okay, all right.
Let's just forget highs and lows.
We'll do something different.
Hmm Everybody look at the person on your left and say something nice.
- You mean well.
- Thank you.
Axl, you do Sue.
[GROANS.]
Your head is basically the right size for your body.
Really? You're not just saying that? No.
It's everything, like, below the head that's got the problem.
- Shut up.
- You know what shuts people up? TV.
Listen, you kids are not even trying.
You're brother and sister.
This is the only relationship that is going to last your whole life.
You know, someday your dad and I are not gonna be around anymore.
- And you're only gonna have each other.
- Are you dying? That's why we we're eating at the table.
- She's dying.
- No.
I'm not dying.
Oh, my God.
Dad's dying.
- Nobody is dying.
- Why can't we all just die now? - Mike.
- Axl.
- What did I say? FRANKIE: About the comment you just made about everybody MIKE: All right.
That's it.
That's it.
You three are gonna start loving each other right now because that's what your mother wants.
Right? Is that what you want? FRANKIE: So despite my best efforts family dinner had wheezed and choked itself to a final, undignified death.
Can we go watch TV now? Yeah, throw out your plates.
Nice to have a change.
So, what's up with you? You going loopy a little ahead of schedule? No, I just thought if we ate dinner together it might help the kids to become friends.
You know, I was talking to Nancy Donahue today Oh, man, here we go.
[SIGHS.]
Every time you talk to that woman, there's always something.
You run into her, next thing I know, I can't eat white bread anymore.
Her kids are nuts about each other.
You see how they are together.
- They're helpful, caring and - Yeah, I've seen it.
It's unnatural.
All that, "Can I help you? You're so pretty.
" One of these days, there's gonna be a bloodbath in that house.
- I wonder if we've been lazy.
- How the hell have we been lazy? In the last 15 years I think we sat down twice.
Face it, we have cut corners as parents.
We're tired, we've been busy.
We slacked off on a lot of family stuff and that's why our kids aren't close.
All right.
If you're this worried about it, I can help you.
- But you know what I'm gonna say.
- Oh, God.
Sports.
[FRANKIE SIGHS.]
MIKE: Okay, everybody.
This family is heading outside to play touch football.
Football? Why? I'm don't wanna play with her.
But this is my favorite commercial.
- What did Mom do to you? - What your mother did is none of your business.
Brothers and sisters are supposed to appreciate each other.
Aunt Edie wheels Aunt Ginny into the quarry every day and she doesn't even know where she is.
That's the love and support that I wanna start seeing around here.
Let's move.
Now.
Here we go.
There's the pitch.
Here's the pitch.
Here's No pitch.
Okay, it's a break.
Never mind.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Here you go.
Throw it.
Okay, a little indecisive there.
Hike.
FRANKIE: At first it was a little shaky, but then I have an idea.
Kids versus adults.
So Dad's peripheral vision is starting to go and Mom can't run too fast or she'll pee.
So go deep and to the left.
Ready? ALL: Break.
FRANKIE: After a few plays, something weird happened.
SUE: I did it.
FRANKIE: Those kids were throwing and laughing like a bunch of Donahues.
Sue, do 10 yards, out.
Brick, 5-yard buttonhook.
I'm gonna roll out right, find you in the end zone.
I've got a better idea.
- Car.
AXL: Car, car, car.
Oh, no, no, no.
- Oh, wait a minute.
- Oh, no.
Look at you.
- You, you, you.
Come on.
Come on.
- All right.
- You're slick, guys.
FRANKIE: Come on.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Oh, boy.
All right.
FRANKIE: Later, the kids came inside and had dessert together.
And to my utter amazement, Axl didn't pretend to commit suicide once.
There were no two ways about it.
Mike was onto something.
Suffice to say the kids weren't the only ones who got along especially well that night.
Which is good because the next day? Not so relaxing for Mike.
Hey, guys.
Mike, we just got our bonus checks, and we need to talk to you.
Jim has prepared a statement from all of us.
It's not what you expected, but you have to understand what we're going through.
"In these difficult times it is rare to have a boss who is not only generous, but also is who a boss.
" - That can't be right.
- I told you to proofread it.
Hold on.
I was generous? How generous was I? Oh, my God.
Mike, we want you to know, you didn't just give us money this year.
You gave hope back to our families.
- So, what are you gonna do? - I don't know.
I gotta find a way to take back hope from guys who use dynamite for a living.
AXL: Hey! - You guys ready for football? - What's that now? Come on, kids versus the elderly.
Let's go.
Oh, guys, we have both had really hard days.
Why don't you play without us? But it won't be any fun without you.
FRANKIE: Yup, the kids had such a good time they wanted to do it the next night.
And the next night.
And the next night.
Turns out there is a way to bond your kids, have tons of family fun together.
Only trouble is, it requires spending a whole lot of time with them.
Let's let them win quick and get back in here while the couch is still warm.
[CLICKS TONGUE.]
FRANKIE: Mike knew he was gonna have to bite the bullet and fire Aunt Edie.
Or was he? [GASPS.]
I was just about ready to start another round of checks.
Listen, Aunt Edie.
There's something we gotta talk about.
It's not easy.
You've been doing this annual close-out for a long time.
I think the work keeps me alive.
That's nice.
But you've earned the right to retire.
Thanks, doll.
Should we get started on those new checks? No.
No checks.
I'm trying to tell you that we won't be needing you here anymore.
Oh, I see.
So you wanna do the checks this afternoon then? No.
No, I don't need you to write the checks.
Ever.
So from now on, I'll just be balancing the books? No.
No, no more balancing.
No more checks.
If I'm not writing checks and not balancing the books I won't be working for you at all.
That's right.
Exactly.
It's time for you to take Ginny and go home.
- Oh, I don't think you mean that.
- Why don't I? Because if I go home now, the work'll pile up and we'll get behind.
Edie, you're a great old gal - I think you're cute too.
- Thanks.
But the job here is over.
No more job.
Job done.
I'm letting you go.
- Do you get it? - Oh, I get it.
I know what it means to be let go.
- You do? - Mm-hm.
Now, if we continue on this, we are just never gonna get these checks done.
Aunt Edie, you're fired.
- Fired? - Yes.
Oh, this is very disappointing.
What is? Tell me what you think is disappointing.
- Well, that I'm fired.
- Oh, thank God.
Well, should we get started now? You know, I think I've actually got those checks pretty much under control but what I really do need your help with Management is all over me about getting this puzzle put together.
Oh, my.
This is a big one.
Oh, look at this, I found a corner.
Good girl.
[EDIE CHUCKLES.]
They're waiting for us.
[GRUNTS.]
- Ow! Damn.
- What? My knee went out for a second.
I'm gonna have to sit this one out.
Oh.
Well, Mom, you're still coming, right? Yeah, I'll be right there.
Phew! - Mike.
- I think I might've pulled a ligament.
Better walk this off.
I can't believe you're bailing on me.
Football was your idea.
Yep, and the knee was my idea too.
I'm on a roll.
Mike, they're not gonna play if we don't go out there.
Frankie, we can't do this every day.
It's not our job to entertain them.
They're gonna get along or they won't.
It's not up to us.
You know what that sounds like to me? The excuse of a lazy, lazy parent.
Well, you know what? I'm not gonna be lazy.
- Mom, you're not even running.
- You gotta throw the ball closer.
FRANKIE: I wasn't sure which was making me madder.
That Mike was bailing on the family by faking an injury or that he thought of it first.
Mom, you've gotta run.
FRANKIE: Did I? Did I have to run? I was sick of touch football.
How the hell did the Kennedys do it for so many years? You know what? I really should be making calls about those wreaths, but you keep playing.
Forget it.
I'm just gonna go watch TV.
Whoa! I call the big TV.
You always get the big TV.
No, no.
Stop.
You can't go inside just because I'm going inside.
- Why not? - You gotta stay here and bond, damn it.
What? No way.
I'm not gonna play with just my stupid sister and dork brother.
Hey, I'm not a dork.
Dork.
I was dragging my sorry butt out here every night because I thought it'd help you love each other.
But, no, we're right back to where we started.
Well, you know what I say? Love each other, don't love each other, I'm done.
[GROANS.]
Ow.
Ow.
- Mom, are you okay? - No, it hurts like hell.
FRANKIE: So my plan to bring the kids closer hadn't worked the way I wanted.
Come on, guys, stop laughing.
That was awesome, Mom.
Okay, I'm sorry, Mom, but that was hilarious.
And when you fell down, you rolled through dog poo.
FRANKIE: I had given them a story they were gonna share and enjoy long after I was gone.
So then she spiked the ball and it bounced back right off her face.
- Off her face.
SUE: Yeah.
And Axl does this great impression.
Do it, Axl.
It's really, really funny.
Okay, okay.
Well, okay, so I'm Mom.
She's out there, got the ball, she's like FRANKIE: Isn't that what bonds kids after all? The eye-rolling, the laughing together over the stupid things we do? I think so.
Or maybe that's just the excuse of a lazy, lazy parent.
Either way, I'm doing the best I can.
I know you're rolling your eyes, I'm a horrible mother.
But we have 30 wreaths to deliver by dinner, so let's move it.
Oh, wow, look how helpful your kids are.
I've been watching you guys play touch football.
Wish my kids got along like that.
How do you do it, Frankie? FRANKIE: Could've told her the truth, spared her the pain I'd gone through.
It's a lot of work, but Mike and I have just always made family a priority.
Oh, thanks.
Heh.
Just keep walking.
Nobody fight till we get to the next house.