The Middle s01e14 Episode Script
The Yelling
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
FRANKIE: Yep, that's me trapped in an office supply store at 4 in the morning.
How'd I end up here? How does anyone end up anywhere they don't wanna be? Either drugs or kids.
How do I look? I can take it.
I need some constructive criticism.
Tryouts are Thursday.
What would impress the judges? If you lit the ends on fire.
This is a serious sport, Axl.
They don't just let anyone wear the white patent-leather boots.
[GLASS BREAKING.]
Oh, man, that would have been so much cooler on fire.
Whoa, I thought you were babysitting for the Craigs Thursday night.
I'm gonna have to cancel.
Are you sure that's a good idea? Don't know what's gonna happen with majorettes.
But if you go to babysitting at least you'll have six dollars.
Mom, with the swine flu outbreak I have a real shot this year.
A lot of good people are down.
FRANKIE: Brick? That's right.
It's hat day next week.
Good job staying ahead of schedule.
That's a crazy hat.
It's hat day next week? Oh, no, I need a hat.
- Uh, Brick? - This isn't for hat day.
That would be embarrassing.
I wanted people to pay attention at breakfast.
Yesterday, none of you said a single word to me.
Axl, you're coming straight home after school to work on your Aztec report.
- God.
Chill.
I'm on it.
FRANKIE: Oh, are you? "Twelve to 15 pages, double spaced.
No fewer than six color charts or graphs bound in an Oxford ReadyClip clear-front report cover.
" Mr.
Gottlieb is tough.
He's not gonna pass you so you can play basketball.
Yeah, I know.
Parents need to talk to him.
He's got no school spirit.
FRANKIE: Axl, this is 40 percent of your grade.
- You do get that's almost half, right? - The paper's not due for a week.
You treat me like a kid.
- I'm practically an adult.
FRANKIE: In what way? You don't make your food, buy your clothes.
You don't remember to flush the toilet unless I remind you.
- I'm almost old enough to go to war.
- Not if we wanna win.
- Dad, how do you live with her? - By doing what she says.
- You will do the same.
- Ugh, you are so annoying.
You live to make me miserable.
Maybe we should call that one a write-off and just work on the others.
- So guess what? - Hm? Charlotte and I are having our three-week anniversary.
- Wanna see a picture of her? - Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So are you two getting serious? - Well, if by "serious" you mean madly in love, I'd have to say guilty.
- Yay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Here's another one.
- I can't show you that one.
It's private.
- Okay.
Here's a good one.
I'll forward it to your phone.
My phone cost, like, a dollar.
It doesn't do that stuff.
Sure it does.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
- See.
- Oh, my God.
I had no idea.
- Oh, you sent me the wrong one.
- Oh, yeah, okay.
And it takes pictures.
Smile.
- And movies.
- No way.
You can make your own movies, put faces on thimbles act out your prom the way it should have gone.
It's very cathartic.
I hear.
Axl, why is your textbook in the exact position it was in this morning? - It hasn't moved.
- There.
It's moved.
Happy? Hey.
You watch your tone, mister.
What tone? You're always imagining this tone.
Ugh.
Why do you have to ride me all the time? FRANKIE: And then I got an idea.
A brilliant, glorious idea.
I would film my kids and show them what they sounded like.
- until you achieve total mind control? Honey.
Can you please not twirl in the house? Well, where am I supposed to do it? It's too cold outside and my fingers freeze up and if I can't practice, then I won't make the team and it will be all your fault! Brick, your dad's going to the mall.
You wanna go with him to look for a hat? Brick? Any response would be nice.
FRANKIE: And once I started, I couldn't stop.
This thing was power.
God, I hear you.
"Do your paper.
" "Have you done your paper?" - I will! - I did! - I am! - Ugh! - Ugh! - Ugh! FRANKIE: After several days of collecting evidence, it was show time.
I wasn't doing this for myself.
I was doing it for moms through the ages who'd had enough.
- Hey, honey.
- Hey, Mike.
Oh, hey, Bob.
Bob was helping me set up that thing that I wanna show the kids.
- Oh.
How long's that gonna take? FRANKIE: I had long ago accepted Mike and Bob weren't gonna ever be friends.
It's not that Mike didn't like Bob, it's just Yeah, he just didn't like him.
So.
Michael Michael Bo-Bichael.
Ha-ha-ha.
How goeth the job search? [GRUNTS.]
Little slow.
That's why I like to come home and relax.
Hey.
I'm an idiot.
Why didn't I think of this? The guy riding shotgun on my night shift delivering Little Betty snack cakes just quit.
If you're interested, I can put your name in.
It's union pay.
Easy gig.
I don't know, Bob.
I wouldn't wanna put you out.
Union pay.
Easy gig.
Mike.
Sounds great.
- Riding with you, huh? - Yeah.
Kids, can you come in here? Come on, everybody.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Everybody, sit down.
Okay.
We are gonna watch some educational television.
Now, there's been some bad behavior going on.
I think it's time I brought it to your attention and I must warn you, what you are about to see is not pretty.
Seriously.
When did you hatch this plan to ruin my life? Hey, you recorded me? - make me do is make me some mindless zombie here FRANKIE [ON SCREEN.]
: I don't have to destroy your life, Axl.
Because you're doing a pretty damn good job of it yourself.
Hey.
Time is passing, Axl! Okay.
Wait.
That's the wrong spot.
FRANKIE [ON SCREEN.]
: I did my homework! Why do I have to do your homework? Okay.
There we go.
and it will be all your fault! Not so pretty, Sue, is it? Hm? My fault? Why is everything my fault? It'll be my fault if you forget to call Mrs.
Craig and tell her you can't sit on Thursday? Am I talking for my own health here? Wait, wait, wait.
That's wrong.
All you have to do is flush the toilet and do your homework.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Do you? Do you? Someday I'll be dead and you'll wish you could hear my voice! This is the last time I'm telling you! I'm not telling you again! I will not say this one more time! So let that be a lesson to you.
FRANKIE: It's not my fault.
The kids don't listen to me unless I yell at them.
I'm tired, and they push me.
Mike, you see how they push me.
They do.
They're horrible.
Horrible, horrible children.
This is not who I wanted to be.
Well, it's too late now.
Night, honey.
I'm gonna change.
No, no, don't change.
- I am.
I'm gonna quit yelling.
- Hm.
What? You don't think I can? It's gonna be like when you quit sugar.
I found you on the bathroom floor sucking frosting out of the tube.
I don't want my kids growing up and saying to some shrink: "Yeah, all my mom ever did my whole life was yell at me.
" [LAUGHS.]
They're not gonna be able to afford a shrink.
Okay, guys.
I've decided I don't like the way I sound on the tape.
It seems like once in a while I raise my voice Once in a while you don't raise your voice.
Okay, the point is, we've gotten into a bad pattern.
I nag, you don't listen and I end up yelling.
So from now on, I will calmly ask you to do something once.
Then you'll show me you can listen and I'll show you I don't need to yell.
So you're gonna stop nagging? I'm gonna start trusting that you can do the things I ask you to.
- What do we get? - It doesn't work that way.
- We should get something.
- Not what this is about.
- How about a Tootsie Roll? - Oh, I like waffles.
We should get money.
This is not some kind of contest for prizes.
This is about us becoming the family where the mother doesn't have to yell! Starting now.
I trust them, then they'll feel respected and then respect me in return by doing what they're told.
It's like a trust circle.
Actually, a trust-respect circle.
Or is that an oval? I don't know.
A whole new concept, so we're trying to figure out the shape.
Yeah.
[PHONE BEEPING.]
- That'll be my special lady.
- Oh! Wait.
It's my boss at Little Betty.
He's willing to hire Mike to drive the late shift with me.
That's great.
Oh, my gosh.
Mike will be so excited.
Why don't you tell him? [PHONE RINGS.]
- Hey.
BOB: Hey.
Axl, it's Bob.
Axl's home? He's supposed to be at the library.
Ask him if he's working on his Aztec paper.
So what you doing there, buddy? Nothing.
Just hanging out.
Is he watching TV? So you You watching TV? This is getting kind of creepy, Bob.
Ask him to tell you the difference between the Mayan and Aztec cultures.
I don't know how to work that naturally into the conversation.
- Bob, are you talking to my mother? - No, haven't seen her.
Bye.
I think he's on to us.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV.]
FRANKIE: This was gonna be harder than I thought.
Days were passing.
Who knew if they were living up to the deal.
They weren't saying anything and I couldn't ask.
Hey.
There's my hard-working kids.
[PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV.]
Hey, there's my kids.
There's a lot on TV this week, huh? FRANKIE: The urge to yell and nag was building, but that's okay.
I knew how to deal with it.
FRANKIE: Mike was getting ready for his first night on the job and I'd gone three whole days without screaming at my kids.
Hard to say who was more miserable.
Ah, hell, it was me.
I'm itchy, my stomach aches and my jaw hurts from all the clenching.
God, I wanna yell.
I wanna yell so bad.
You're going through withdrawal.
Mike, it's not that I enjoy yelling.
I do it for the children.
That's what junkies do.
Anything to justify the next fix.
Pretty tough talk coming from a guy with a cupcake on his shirt.
All I'm saying is, whatever happened to the whole trust circle thing? It's a trust-respect oval and what happened is, is that it's a load of crap.
You said you wanted to trust the kids.
Why don't you try doing it.
They might surprise you.
This morning Sue was cleaning her room.
- Really? MIKE: They're growing up, Frankie.
Cut yourself some slack and focus on what's really important.
Helping me figure out how the hell I'm gonna get through a whole night stuck in a truck with Bob.
FRANKIE: So yeah, Mike thought the kids had grown up.
But he said that as soon as we brought them home from the hospital.
But then Brick, where'd you get that hat? I thought you didn't have one.
Got it myself.
Wore it to hat day.
Was the coolest kid in school.
[WHISPERING.]
Coolest kid.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
That's my ride.
Going to majorette tryouts.
- You arranged your own ride? - Yep.
Wish me luck.
FRANKIE: Wow.
And just when I thought it couldn't get any better the best and most amazing thing of all Axl was writing his history paper.
On his own.
Without any nagging or yelling from me.
Welcome to my time, Mike.
The town begins to sleep and we can prowl in the silence.
Yeah, I can't really hear the silence.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Oh, look at that.
My lady owl awakes.
Hey there, pretty bird.
First night on the road with my BFF Mike.
Sure you should do that while you drive? It's fine.
I'm a fast texter.
[CAR HORN BLARES.]
Bob, knock it off and drive.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Oh! - Read it to me.
- No.
Come on.
What does she say? [TRUCK HORN BLARES.]
"Hey, Bobby beast-boy.
" Since you're swerving anyway can you find a bridge or something and make it quick? FRANKIE: Turns out Mike was right.
The kids had surprised me.
I felt this new sense of freedom opening up for me endless possibilities.
Like finally using those bath salts I got for Mother's Day.
2001.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Can somebody get that? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Has anybody got it? Hello? Can anybody hear the doorbell? Yeah, it's really annoying.
Hey, Frankie.
We're late for Kiwanis.
Sue was supposed to be at my house an hour ago to baby-sit.
What? But she's at baton tryouts.
She called you to cancel.
- Didn't she? - No, she didn't.
You could have reminded her, Frankie.
She's only a child.
Here, I'll be back in a couple hours.
[SIGHS.]
Brick.
Can you sit with the baby while I get dressed? That might not be a good idea.
It could get my lice.
- Your what? - Oh, yeah.
My teacher told me to give you this note.
Brick, where did you get that hat? You forgot to remind me to take a hat on Tuesday, so I didn't have one.
But then I saw this homeless guy going through the trash.
So I traded him my banana for it.
[WHISPERING.]
Banana.
FRANKIE: Oh, my God.
Take that thing off and put it in the trash.
Everybody stay away from Brick's head.
Axl, I need your help.
- Burn all the sheets, scrub the house.
- Aztec paper's due tomorrow.
What? I thought that was due next week.
Yeah.
I wrote that down wrong.
You're just starting to work on this now? I told you this is 40 percent of your grade.
It's your future.
I've been working on it for the last hour.
Do you have all the supplies? It says specifically "an Oxford ReadyClip clear-front report cover.
" - Don't we have one of those? - I told you.
If I can't steal it from Ehlert's, we don't have it.
Okay, I admit it.
I screwed up.
Go ahead, yell at me.
You'd like that now.
I don't have the luxury.
I've 11 minutes to get to Office Warehouse before it closes.
I cannot believe how irresponsible you are.
Watch this baby.
[CRYING.]
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Oh, she's back, she's back.
Tell me what she says.
- "I don't think this is working.
" - Really? - It's a brand-new phone.
- No, that's what she said.
"You're a nice guy, but I think" Hey, how about I turn this off until after we finish? What? Why? What'd she say? It seems like she's breaking up with you.
- Why? Why? - I don't know.
You know who's good at talking about this? - Anybody else.
- Read it to me.
Read me more.
This is personal.
You should read it yourself.
I can't.
I can't see anything through the tears.
Yes.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
It's my fault.
I got on her nerves.
I texted her every 10 minutes.
Look, Bob, there's a lot of girls in the world.
Oh, sure, says the seven-foot god.
- What's wrong with me? - I don't know.
Sometimes you're a little needy.
Oh, my God, I'm needy? [CRIES.]
Damn it.
[SCREAMING.]
Ah, get off me.
Haven't I suffered enough? I'll get off if you promise to calm down.
I promise.
Just let me sit up.
[SCREAMING.]
When is the security guard showing up? If I told you my kid has lice and I might have it.
I'm gonna rub my head over every inch of this store is that gonna get him here any faster? Hello? Hello? You can win this woman back.
- You can go to her house right now.
- I don't know where she lives.
I know it's somewhere in New Mexico.
I should have gotten her last name back when we were in love.
Wait.
Is this just some Internet woman? Just? We danced for each other on iChat.
She was the whole package.
She had three kids.
A little house.
A cat.
I could have walked right in and had a life.
I could have been like you.
So after the shift, why don't you get some sleep then come by tomorrow night for some dinner? - We'll put up some burgers.
- Really? Okay.
I'd like that.
Thanks, Mike.
Can I tell you something I've never told anyone in the whole world? No.
There you are.
FRANKIE: Finally, Mike showed up with the kids to make sure I got sprung.
The Craigs had gotten their baby.
Brick got his lice medicine.
Though she hadn't heard yet, Sue was not feeling confident about her chances of making majorettes.
Yeah, well, I've had some time to think while I've been in here and I've figured out a few things You know, I guess there're some families somewhere where the moms don't have to yell, but you know what? We're not one of them! Do you know why I pester and nag and get on your case, and yell like a crazy person? Because nothing ever gets done if I don't! So that's what we're going back to.
I don't care if it makes me look bad, I [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
- What is she saying? - I don't know.
Just bow your heads.
Look ashamed.
Now nod.
Nod like we know what she's saying.
FRANKIE: Yep, that's me trapped in an office supply store at 4 in the morning.
How'd I end up here? How does anyone end up anywhere they don't wanna be? Either drugs or kids.
How do I look? I can take it.
I need some constructive criticism.
Tryouts are Thursday.
What would impress the judges? If you lit the ends on fire.
This is a serious sport, Axl.
They don't just let anyone wear the white patent-leather boots.
[GLASS BREAKING.]
Oh, man, that would have been so much cooler on fire.
Whoa, I thought you were babysitting for the Craigs Thursday night.
I'm gonna have to cancel.
Are you sure that's a good idea? Don't know what's gonna happen with majorettes.
But if you go to babysitting at least you'll have six dollars.
Mom, with the swine flu outbreak I have a real shot this year.
A lot of good people are down.
FRANKIE: Brick? That's right.
It's hat day next week.
Good job staying ahead of schedule.
That's a crazy hat.
It's hat day next week? Oh, no, I need a hat.
- Uh, Brick? - This isn't for hat day.
That would be embarrassing.
I wanted people to pay attention at breakfast.
Yesterday, none of you said a single word to me.
Axl, you're coming straight home after school to work on your Aztec report.
- God.
Chill.
I'm on it.
FRANKIE: Oh, are you? "Twelve to 15 pages, double spaced.
No fewer than six color charts or graphs bound in an Oxford ReadyClip clear-front report cover.
" Mr.
Gottlieb is tough.
He's not gonna pass you so you can play basketball.
Yeah, I know.
Parents need to talk to him.
He's got no school spirit.
FRANKIE: Axl, this is 40 percent of your grade.
- You do get that's almost half, right? - The paper's not due for a week.
You treat me like a kid.
- I'm practically an adult.
FRANKIE: In what way? You don't make your food, buy your clothes.
You don't remember to flush the toilet unless I remind you.
- I'm almost old enough to go to war.
- Not if we wanna win.
- Dad, how do you live with her? - By doing what she says.
- You will do the same.
- Ugh, you are so annoying.
You live to make me miserable.
Maybe we should call that one a write-off and just work on the others.
- So guess what? - Hm? Charlotte and I are having our three-week anniversary.
- Wanna see a picture of her? - Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So are you two getting serious? - Well, if by "serious" you mean madly in love, I'd have to say guilty.
- Yay.
- Yeah, yeah.
Here's another one.
- I can't show you that one.
It's private.
- Okay.
Here's a good one.
I'll forward it to your phone.
My phone cost, like, a dollar.
It doesn't do that stuff.
Sure it does.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
- See.
- Oh, my God.
I had no idea.
- Oh, you sent me the wrong one.
- Oh, yeah, okay.
And it takes pictures.
Smile.
- And movies.
- No way.
You can make your own movies, put faces on thimbles act out your prom the way it should have gone.
It's very cathartic.
I hear.
Axl, why is your textbook in the exact position it was in this morning? - It hasn't moved.
- There.
It's moved.
Happy? Hey.
You watch your tone, mister.
What tone? You're always imagining this tone.
Ugh.
Why do you have to ride me all the time? FRANKIE: And then I got an idea.
A brilliant, glorious idea.
I would film my kids and show them what they sounded like.
- until you achieve total mind control? Honey.
Can you please not twirl in the house? Well, where am I supposed to do it? It's too cold outside and my fingers freeze up and if I can't practice, then I won't make the team and it will be all your fault! Brick, your dad's going to the mall.
You wanna go with him to look for a hat? Brick? Any response would be nice.
FRANKIE: And once I started, I couldn't stop.
This thing was power.
God, I hear you.
"Do your paper.
" "Have you done your paper?" - I will! - I did! - I am! - Ugh! - Ugh! - Ugh! FRANKIE: After several days of collecting evidence, it was show time.
I wasn't doing this for myself.
I was doing it for moms through the ages who'd had enough.
- Hey, honey.
- Hey, Mike.
Oh, hey, Bob.
Bob was helping me set up that thing that I wanna show the kids.
- Oh.
How long's that gonna take? FRANKIE: I had long ago accepted Mike and Bob weren't gonna ever be friends.
It's not that Mike didn't like Bob, it's just Yeah, he just didn't like him.
So.
Michael Michael Bo-Bichael.
Ha-ha-ha.
How goeth the job search? [GRUNTS.]
Little slow.
That's why I like to come home and relax.
Hey.
I'm an idiot.
Why didn't I think of this? The guy riding shotgun on my night shift delivering Little Betty snack cakes just quit.
If you're interested, I can put your name in.
It's union pay.
Easy gig.
I don't know, Bob.
I wouldn't wanna put you out.
Union pay.
Easy gig.
Mike.
Sounds great.
- Riding with you, huh? - Yeah.
Kids, can you come in here? Come on, everybody.
Come on in.
Sit down.
Everybody, sit down.
Okay.
We are gonna watch some educational television.
Now, there's been some bad behavior going on.
I think it's time I brought it to your attention and I must warn you, what you are about to see is not pretty.
Seriously.
When did you hatch this plan to ruin my life? Hey, you recorded me? - make me do is make me some mindless zombie here FRANKIE [ON SCREEN.]
: I don't have to destroy your life, Axl.
Because you're doing a pretty damn good job of it yourself.
Hey.
Time is passing, Axl! Okay.
Wait.
That's the wrong spot.
FRANKIE [ON SCREEN.]
: I did my homework! Why do I have to do your homework? Okay.
There we go.
and it will be all your fault! Not so pretty, Sue, is it? Hm? My fault? Why is everything my fault? It'll be my fault if you forget to call Mrs.
Craig and tell her you can't sit on Thursday? Am I talking for my own health here? Wait, wait, wait.
That's wrong.
All you have to do is flush the toilet and do your homework.
Do you have any idea how lucky you are? Do you? Do you? Someday I'll be dead and you'll wish you could hear my voice! This is the last time I'm telling you! I'm not telling you again! I will not say this one more time! So let that be a lesson to you.
FRANKIE: It's not my fault.
The kids don't listen to me unless I yell at them.
I'm tired, and they push me.
Mike, you see how they push me.
They do.
They're horrible.
Horrible, horrible children.
This is not who I wanted to be.
Well, it's too late now.
Night, honey.
I'm gonna change.
No, no, don't change.
- I am.
I'm gonna quit yelling.
- Hm.
What? You don't think I can? It's gonna be like when you quit sugar.
I found you on the bathroom floor sucking frosting out of the tube.
I don't want my kids growing up and saying to some shrink: "Yeah, all my mom ever did my whole life was yell at me.
" [LAUGHS.]
They're not gonna be able to afford a shrink.
Okay, guys.
I've decided I don't like the way I sound on the tape.
It seems like once in a while I raise my voice Once in a while you don't raise your voice.
Okay, the point is, we've gotten into a bad pattern.
I nag, you don't listen and I end up yelling.
So from now on, I will calmly ask you to do something once.
Then you'll show me you can listen and I'll show you I don't need to yell.
So you're gonna stop nagging? I'm gonna start trusting that you can do the things I ask you to.
- What do we get? - It doesn't work that way.
- We should get something.
- Not what this is about.
- How about a Tootsie Roll? - Oh, I like waffles.
We should get money.
This is not some kind of contest for prizes.
This is about us becoming the family where the mother doesn't have to yell! Starting now.
I trust them, then they'll feel respected and then respect me in return by doing what they're told.
It's like a trust circle.
Actually, a trust-respect circle.
Or is that an oval? I don't know.
A whole new concept, so we're trying to figure out the shape.
Yeah.
[PHONE BEEPING.]
- That'll be my special lady.
- Oh! Wait.
It's my boss at Little Betty.
He's willing to hire Mike to drive the late shift with me.
That's great.
Oh, my gosh.
Mike will be so excited.
Why don't you tell him? [PHONE RINGS.]
- Hey.
BOB: Hey.
Axl, it's Bob.
Axl's home? He's supposed to be at the library.
Ask him if he's working on his Aztec paper.
So what you doing there, buddy? Nothing.
Just hanging out.
Is he watching TV? So you You watching TV? This is getting kind of creepy, Bob.
Ask him to tell you the difference between the Mayan and Aztec cultures.
I don't know how to work that naturally into the conversation.
- Bob, are you talking to my mother? - No, haven't seen her.
Bye.
I think he's on to us.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV.]
FRANKIE: This was gonna be harder than I thought.
Days were passing.
Who knew if they were living up to the deal.
They weren't saying anything and I couldn't ask.
Hey.
There's my hard-working kids.
[PEOPLE CHEERING ON TV.]
Hey, there's my kids.
There's a lot on TV this week, huh? FRANKIE: The urge to yell and nag was building, but that's okay.
I knew how to deal with it.
FRANKIE: Mike was getting ready for his first night on the job and I'd gone three whole days without screaming at my kids.
Hard to say who was more miserable.
Ah, hell, it was me.
I'm itchy, my stomach aches and my jaw hurts from all the clenching.
God, I wanna yell.
I wanna yell so bad.
You're going through withdrawal.
Mike, it's not that I enjoy yelling.
I do it for the children.
That's what junkies do.
Anything to justify the next fix.
Pretty tough talk coming from a guy with a cupcake on his shirt.
All I'm saying is, whatever happened to the whole trust circle thing? It's a trust-respect oval and what happened is, is that it's a load of crap.
You said you wanted to trust the kids.
Why don't you try doing it.
They might surprise you.
This morning Sue was cleaning her room.
- Really? MIKE: They're growing up, Frankie.
Cut yourself some slack and focus on what's really important.
Helping me figure out how the hell I'm gonna get through a whole night stuck in a truck with Bob.
FRANKIE: So yeah, Mike thought the kids had grown up.
But he said that as soon as we brought them home from the hospital.
But then Brick, where'd you get that hat? I thought you didn't have one.
Got it myself.
Wore it to hat day.
Was the coolest kid in school.
[WHISPERING.]
Coolest kid.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
That's my ride.
Going to majorette tryouts.
- You arranged your own ride? - Yep.
Wish me luck.
FRANKIE: Wow.
And just when I thought it couldn't get any better the best and most amazing thing of all Axl was writing his history paper.
On his own.
Without any nagging or yelling from me.
Welcome to my time, Mike.
The town begins to sleep and we can prowl in the silence.
Yeah, I can't really hear the silence.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Oh, look at that.
My lady owl awakes.
Hey there, pretty bird.
First night on the road with my BFF Mike.
Sure you should do that while you drive? It's fine.
I'm a fast texter.
[CAR HORN BLARES.]
Bob, knock it off and drive.
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Oh! - Read it to me.
- No.
Come on.
What does she say? [TRUCK HORN BLARES.]
"Hey, Bobby beast-boy.
" Since you're swerving anyway can you find a bridge or something and make it quick? FRANKIE: Turns out Mike was right.
The kids had surprised me.
I felt this new sense of freedom opening up for me endless possibilities.
Like finally using those bath salts I got for Mother's Day.
2001.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
Can somebody get that? [DOORBELL RINGS.]
Has anybody got it? Hello? Can anybody hear the doorbell? Yeah, it's really annoying.
Hey, Frankie.
We're late for Kiwanis.
Sue was supposed to be at my house an hour ago to baby-sit.
What? But she's at baton tryouts.
She called you to cancel.
- Didn't she? - No, she didn't.
You could have reminded her, Frankie.
She's only a child.
Here, I'll be back in a couple hours.
[SIGHS.]
Brick.
Can you sit with the baby while I get dressed? That might not be a good idea.
It could get my lice.
- Your what? - Oh, yeah.
My teacher told me to give you this note.
Brick, where did you get that hat? You forgot to remind me to take a hat on Tuesday, so I didn't have one.
But then I saw this homeless guy going through the trash.
So I traded him my banana for it.
[WHISPERING.]
Banana.
FRANKIE: Oh, my God.
Take that thing off and put it in the trash.
Everybody stay away from Brick's head.
Axl, I need your help.
- Burn all the sheets, scrub the house.
- Aztec paper's due tomorrow.
What? I thought that was due next week.
Yeah.
I wrote that down wrong.
You're just starting to work on this now? I told you this is 40 percent of your grade.
It's your future.
I've been working on it for the last hour.
Do you have all the supplies? It says specifically "an Oxford ReadyClip clear-front report cover.
" - Don't we have one of those? - I told you.
If I can't steal it from Ehlert's, we don't have it.
Okay, I admit it.
I screwed up.
Go ahead, yell at me.
You'd like that now.
I don't have the luxury.
I've 11 minutes to get to Office Warehouse before it closes.
I cannot believe how irresponsible you are.
Watch this baby.
[CRYING.]
[PHONE BEEPS.]
Oh, she's back, she's back.
Tell me what she says.
- "I don't think this is working.
" - Really? - It's a brand-new phone.
- No, that's what she said.
"You're a nice guy, but I think" Hey, how about I turn this off until after we finish? What? Why? What'd she say? It seems like she's breaking up with you.
- Why? Why? - I don't know.
You know who's good at talking about this? - Anybody else.
- Read it to me.
Read me more.
This is personal.
You should read it yourself.
I can't.
I can't see anything through the tears.
Yes.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
It's my fault.
I got on her nerves.
I texted her every 10 minutes.
Look, Bob, there's a lot of girls in the world.
Oh, sure, says the seven-foot god.
- What's wrong with me? - I don't know.
Sometimes you're a little needy.
Oh, my God, I'm needy? [CRIES.]
Damn it.
[SCREAMING.]
Ah, get off me.
Haven't I suffered enough? I'll get off if you promise to calm down.
I promise.
Just let me sit up.
[SCREAMING.]
When is the security guard showing up? If I told you my kid has lice and I might have it.
I'm gonna rub my head over every inch of this store is that gonna get him here any faster? Hello? Hello? You can win this woman back.
- You can go to her house right now.
- I don't know where she lives.
I know it's somewhere in New Mexico.
I should have gotten her last name back when we were in love.
Wait.
Is this just some Internet woman? Just? We danced for each other on iChat.
She was the whole package.
She had three kids.
A little house.
A cat.
I could have walked right in and had a life.
I could have been like you.
So after the shift, why don't you get some sleep then come by tomorrow night for some dinner? - We'll put up some burgers.
- Really? Okay.
I'd like that.
Thanks, Mike.
Can I tell you something I've never told anyone in the whole world? No.
There you are.
FRANKIE: Finally, Mike showed up with the kids to make sure I got sprung.
The Craigs had gotten their baby.
Brick got his lice medicine.
Though she hadn't heard yet, Sue was not feeling confident about her chances of making majorettes.
Yeah, well, I've had some time to think while I've been in here and I've figured out a few things You know, I guess there're some families somewhere where the moms don't have to yell, but you know what? We're not one of them! Do you know why I pester and nag and get on your case, and yell like a crazy person? Because nothing ever gets done if I don't! So that's what we're going back to.
I don't care if it makes me look bad, I [INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]
- What is she saying? - I don't know.
Just bow your heads.
Look ashamed.
Now nod.
Nod like we know what she's saying.