The Moodys (2014) s01e07 Episode Script

Baby Shower Blues

You ready to shred that snake Ferguson? Happy birthday, Bridge.
Busted! You are busted! I'm pregnant.
It's yours.
They want my designs for the boutique in Melbourne.
It's just a little flu.
Have you been telling people I'm dying? You want to be in politics? This is politics.
Everything's fine.
I'm up for this.
I want to help you raise this child.
I'm moving in for a while.
Good.
No, you're not, Sean.
Jesus, I won.
I'm in! What are you doing here? I thought I'd come and see how you went.
And you won! I guess now you owe me that bike ride.
Maybe.
- Incoming! - Shame, Moody! New bike, Terry? Cop this, Moody! Go, go, go! Keep running, Moody! We trusted you, Moody! OK, time for the games.
Mm-hm.
Oh! Roger! What is that? It's chocolate.
You've gotta eat it.
I am not eating a melted chocolate out of the nappy.
It's a classic baby shower game.
You're sick.
Get it out of my face! It's out of the book.
Oh, Tez, stop calling me, mate.
I can't handle him right now.
Well, Yvonne doesn't want a bar of him either, apparently.
Yeah, well, 24 hours in office.
It's not too good, is it? No thanks to you.
It's not my fault, mate.
You know, people discovered his lies.
It's entirely your fault.
They were lies you started.
So this is how the baby room's going to look.
And look at this.
Disco baby.
Yeah! Third one, Sean.
You wanna watch it.
No, I'm carbo-loading.
Me and Scotty, big title fight tonight.
Alright, I'm out of here.
I'll see you at work.
No, I'm not on today.
You are now, mate.
You're on call.
I'm spending the day with Cora before she leaves, remember? Oh, I'm sorry our clients didn't plan the deaths of their loved ones around your schedule, Daniel.
Oh, Bridge, if you have a girl, I can't take all that back.
Why can't a girl have a tool set? I didn't make the rules.
Well, studies say we pick up on gender stereotypes a lot earlier than we previously thought.
Here we go.
One unit of a psychology course and she's Sigmund Freud.
When we gave Dan his My Little Bundle, I think it helped nurture his maternal side.
His My Little what? Holy shit! I can't believe I forgot about that! It's a doll that poos and wees.
Ricky or Billy.
Bobby.
Bobby! Oh, my God! I think he's in the toy box I gave Bridget.
Mum, we don't have to He used to nurse him.
How old was he? I was a toddler.
Eight.
9-10-11-12.
There's actually too much stuff.
It's too easy.
It's like T-ball or something.
Well, he's gonna be a natural when it's your turn.
Ah, I'm not sure I'll have a turn.
But this is good to know.
Um I'm not going to humiliate you now, 'cause it's unsportsmanlike.
I'll see you at work.
See you at two.
Interesting office you have here, Mr Moody.
If you like this, let me know.
200's a rip-off.
I can do it for 150.
Oh, no, my dear.
I have to downsize.
Totally get it.
So, Henry was an astronomer.
That's a fitting way to go out, isn't it? He'd be so happy to know that he's going to end up amongst the stars.
Lower troposphere, but, yeah, totally.
It's more about the symbolism.
Well, exactly.
Are you right, mate? Jesus Christ.
Ah, now let's talk music.
How about a little Rocket Man to send him off? Before we do that, I do have one request.
Shoot.
The one thing my husband loved more than the stars was his dog.
Oh.
They were inseparable.
I was hoping we might send their ashes up together.
I would love to do that.
However, it does push it into a very expensive bracket, and that would be a very costly service.
Only the best for dear Henry.
Done.
Uh, what was your dog's name? Don't tell me, let me guess.
Pluto? It's Yuri.
Good dog.
After Yuri Gagarin.
That's That's the dog you want me to, um? Benson, you sure you're only going to Melbourne for two weeks? Well, I can't go to my dream job and wear the same pair of jeans every day.
So glad my dream job has a uniform.
You could try babysitting, 'cause you've had a lot of practice.
That's good.
Maybe I'll be a professional uncle.
Yeah, perfect.
You get all of the cuteness of the baby and then you can just hand it back.
What? And miss out on all those nappies? Yeah, nappies, not going out, not getting enough sleep.
That's quite a list.
Look at your sister.
She is massive.
How does it all, like, fit in there? I guess the same way your entire wardrobe fits inside that suitcase.
Yeah, and then add a human, shoving that in there.
OK.
OK, picture this.
I don't want to This is your sister, right? Shove the human inside her.
I didn't say that at all Then have it come out her.
Excuse me, can you stop talking about my sister's Please? Since when would you have to give up your career? It's not like pre-industrial Britain.
Do you know how babies are made? Alright.
Maybe for a few months.
You can't just pop out a kid and then send it off to school.
We could send it to work.
In the mines.
OK, what about if I stayed home with it and you kept working? I thought we were talking about Bridget.
I know.
Yeah, no, we are.
I just You know, I just meant someday.
Anyway, I gotta go to work.
The restaurant's booked for 8:30 which means your dad will be there at eight, so I'll see you here at 7:30? Yes.
Mwah! OK, see ya.
Have a good day.
You too.
So what are we going to do? We? You mean you, mate? I run the business, you take care of logistics.
Yeah, but we can't just Mate, there's that 'we' again.
Look at his puppy dog eyes.
Yeah, mate, he's a puppy dog.
Those are his eyes.
Oh, g'day mate.
Did the teddy bear picnic run over, did it? Very good.
I got it.
We could build one of those suicide death machines.
Like that Dr Kardashian bloke.
He can just press the button himself.
Oh, could he, mate? With his paw? We could train him.
Could we? By seven o'clock tonight? What's with the dog? Oh, we're gonna send it up with the old man's ashes.
You're actually thinking about doing it? Ah, yes, mate.
Last wishes for a very profitable premium package.
You're going to kill this dog? Mate, pharaohs were buried with their cats for thousands of years.
Yes, pharaohs also kept slaves, Sean.
OK, what do you want us to do, Dr Doolittle? If only there was a way to launch generic grey ashes into the sky and not the ashes of this dog.
I got it.
Why don't we chuck in some other ashes and tell her that it's Yuri? You're a genius, mate.
He just said that.
Yeah, but we don't kill the dog.
Yeah, but he just said that.
Righto.
Righto.
OK, so what do we do with the actual dog? We could race him.
Maybe not the unicorn head but I guess the feature walls are nice.
Did you see the AstroTurf ceiling? Yeah, I did.
Why did you want to put AstroTurf on the baby's ceiling? Well, just open its imagination.
Right.
Hey, so this thing cries, does it? Yeah, if it's got batteries.
What do you want? Uh, I was hoping to see Bridget.
There's certainly more of her to see since you did your dirty work.
Look, I know I haven't handled things very well and I want to apologise.
There it is.
The Matt light.
He shines it on you and your whole world brightens up.
Problem is, when he turns it off, you're left wandering in the dark.
Are you rocking that doll, or? No.
Hi.
Matt's here.
Wants to see you.
Oh, Jesus, that stinks.
Oh, it's It's just not fair, Kevin.
I mean, I didn't know that I wasn't sick, did I? And then there's Wendy Ferguson.
I mean, she is a snake in the grass.
Sean was right about her.
She's got every cyclist this side of cooee baying for my blood.
And since when did politicians have to tell the truth? Why have I got the boot? You sure you weren't followed? Not that I saw.
Duck and roll, Kevvie.
Behind the couch.
- Yeah, bugger off, you - Oh.
Yvonne.
I, uh, confiscated some fermented fish.
I didn't want it to go to waste.
Hongeohoe.
I love hongeohoe.
I know.
Yvonne.
Yep, oh, I'll see you later, Kevvie.
You and Maree must come over for dinner sometime.
Would you like to come inside? Yeah, Dad, he booked for 8:30.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
Can you just please let him pay this time? He does have money.
Yeah, I love you too.
Alright, OK.
Yep, I'll see you then.
Alright, bye.
Hey.
Hi.
Hello! Hello.
Who are you? My name's Yuri.
Hello, Yuri.
Hello.
Where are you from? Well, actually, I'm homeless.
Ohh! Where are you gonna go? Well, funny you should ask that because I thought I could stay with you.
What, here? I thought it'd be, you know, spontaneous and endearing.
What is Bridget gonna say? She'll be fine.
He's a little dog.
I'm going to Melbourne tomorrow and what'll we do when you're at work? We'll figure it out.
I thought it'd be nice for us all to do together.
As a little family.
Hmm? I was just shocked, that's all.
I I behaved really badly.
But I've had some time to sit with it, and .
.
I think maybe I'd like to give it a shot.
You think maybe you'd like to give it a shot? It's not amateur night at karaoke club, Matt - it's the raising of a human person.
Roger! Could you just give us a second? Sure.
Can I talk to you? Look, I appreciate your concern but I can sort this out myself.
I don't trust him, Bridget.
You don't have to! So I'm supposed to just allow him to waltz in and out of the baby's life on a whim? You're not supposed to allow anything or prepare anything or do anything because you're not the baby's father.
Yeah, I know.
Well, I'll be in the motorhome, then.
God.
Waiting for my apology.
She was dripping with sweat, and I thought, 'Yeah, I'd better cavity-search her.
She's hiding something.
' What was it? Hyperhidrosis.
Oh, I choked on my kimchi.
Oh, the old overactive sweat glands.
I know.
Yeah, we've all made that mistake.
Oh, well.
Oh, I miss it there.
Excitement, the buzz.
The rifling through people's personal things.
I really miss everything.
Yeah, well, everyone misses you.
You're not going to stay on leave forever, are you? Why, are you asking me back? No, Don wants to know.
Says he can't keep the roster open for a washed-up politician.
Yeah, right.
His words, not mine.
I, uh I just wanted to, um, apologise for slapping you that time.
No, no.
No apology is necessary there, Vonnie.
I deserved that.
I'm sorry.
I let you down.
In here and out there.
Bike lanes.
I never managed Oh.
Right.
What's he saying now? 'Oh, I promise I've changed, Bridget.
I'm not the same snake who led your ex-husband on and then knocked you up in my car.
' In his car? Yeah.
That's the father of your future grandchild, Kevin.
How can you two sit idly by and let this happen? Bridget's a grown woman.
What's really bothering you, Roger? What's bothering me is that she's contemplating raising a child with this pelican.
Instead of you? Well, look, stop psychoanalysing me, Maree.
Alright? I did your prac stuff and that's over.
I'm sensing a little defensiveness.
I'm the one who left her, OK? Doesn't mean you didn't love her.
Or want to have a family together.
Roger? God, it's a good course, isn't it? Where's it from again? Eastwood Community College.
Right, how about a glass of Terry's cheeky reserve? I'd better not.
I've gotta get going.
Oh, right, sure.
It was really good to see you, Vonnie.
Terry, no.
No, I'm sorry.
I just I just thought No.
You brought me hongeohoe.
Yeah, 'cause you like it.
I've gotta go.
Yuri? Yuri! Stretch it.
Hey, did Cora come home yet? No mate, and you should clear out too because the undefeated champion is about to take the little bitch to school.
Oh, whatever.
Yes.
Didn't she leave you? No, she's just going to Melbourne for a couple of weeks.
Whose is the bag on our bed? That's just my socks and undies and my toothbrush and that.
I thought she was gone.
Yeah, but I'm still here, Scotty.
Yeah, that's cool.
Hey, what happened? Hey, I lost Yuri.
What? Yeah, I let him off the lead for two seconds and he ran away.
Where is he? I don't know.
Oh, poor little guy.
He's gonna get run over or kidnapped by a dog-fighting syndicate or something.
You were gonna gas him six hours ago.
Well, you'd better find him.
Can't you do it? We've got dinner in 20 minutes.
No, he's your dog.
Here you go.
Take some headlamps.
No charge, OK? Scotty, let's go.
I guess Hey, Tez.
Let's get ready to rumble! Come over.
Sean really wants to see you.
I'm sorry.
Hey? No, Dan.
What? Yuri! He's going to be over the other side of the park.
I guess I shouldn't have let him off the leash.
I guess.
Then again, I guess you shouldn't have dumped him on me.
What? Come on, I didn't dump him.
I gave him to you.
He was a gift.
I thought a dog'd be good for us.
For us or for me? What are you talking about? You like dogs.
I love dogs.
I just I don't know if you would call that a dog.
What would you call it then? Maybe a baby dressed up as a dog.
I would call you a crazy person dressed up as my girlfriend.
Yuri! How'd it go? Yeah Is Roger here? Oh.
Yuri! OK, so hypothetically if I was dressing up a baby Hypothetically that would be weird and patronising.
So you just don't ever want to have kids? I didn't say that.
So you do? Why do I have to decide the night before I leave? Is it me? Is it because I'm not a a provider? A provider? I'm just trying to understand your position.
My position is, I don't want to be forced into a position.
Will you ever have a position? I have no idea.
Everyone's got some idea.
Only if they grew up raising fake Bobby babies.
It was a toy, OK? I was ten.
Great, that's Dad.
Do you know what? Let's not do this tonight, OK? You and Sean can go and do this tomorrow, put up some ads.
OK.
OK.
Where are you going? Ah, to the car.
It's this way.
Ah, no, it's not.
You sure? Pretty sure.
Guess that's it, then.
Back to bachelordom.
Jeez, you're a sad sack, mate.
What happened to Romantic Terminator? Hey? Never giving up? Ancient history, Seanie.
I am an obsolete model now.
Tez, look out, look out! Look out! Yes! Nuh, nuh.
Tez in the way.
He was in my way, too.
No, no.
Restart.
No restart.
Restart.
No restart.
No, hey, hey.
No.
No, sucked in.
It's interference, mate.
Restart.
No restart.
No, I'm taking it.
Taking it.
It's a restart.
Scotty, Scotty Terry, Terry.
Terry.
Give it.
No, no! Terry, go! Go the uppercut, Tez! You're back, mate! You're the Terminator.
Come on, Tez! Get into it! You can do it, mate! Terry! Vonnie, I'm coming! Suffer in your jocks.
Restart.
Customs Officer coming through.
Oh, sorry.
Hey! Excuse me.
Steve! Next time.
Colin, have you seen Vonnie? Have you seen Vonnie? No.
Benji, step away from the intercom.
Huh? I'm going to talk to Vonnie.
OK.
No, no, no, actually Uh-uh! Attention, Vonnie Tisdale.
Yvonne Tisdale.
Life is like a boxing match, and, well, personally I have been KO'd more times than I care to remember Listen, Tez, Tez Uh-uh.
Well, what I realised, you see, is I've been fighting in the lightweight division but you, well, you're a heavyweight.
What? Oh, no, no, not that you've got weight on.
I don't mean that.
Look, you know what I mean.
It's just Look, I want to fight you, Vonnie, to the death.
Oh, Tez, listen to me For you.
I want to fight FOR you.
For us.
Because do the Well, actually no-one has to die and Oh, bugger this.
Vonnie, I love you .
.
and if there is any chance She is not here.
.
.
that you Hmm? Mate, she called in sick.
Please ensure you have your passports and arrival cards ready for inspection.
And welcome to Australia.
Oopsy-daisy.
That's No, no, I swear we were I swear this is the right way.
It says the road is that way.
Yeah, but the blue dot doesn't You need to use the compass thing.
What? Just the figure eight thing.
Look, I pressed it.
OK, well See? Oh, great, you fixed it.
Well, you try.
Look, don't you think, OK, that if you're right for each other then you can't help but think about having a family? If that's the case maybe we're not right for each other.
Oh, good.
So, what, we just break up? Well, it just seems like you want to have a kid someday and I don't know, and I don't want to be the reason that you don't.
What if I asked you to marry me? What?! Ah I'm sorry.
That's OK.
What what if I proposed? You think that if we get married then I'm gonna magically want to have a child? No, that's not the point.
Not magically.
So you're saying that to win an argument? Well, if I was, would you only be saying 'no' to win the argument? I'm saying Just please stop asking me theoretical questions.
OK, but what if, theoretically, it wasn't theoretical? So you're seriously asking me to marry you outside a public toilet? Can we just focus on the fact that we are an hour late for dinner and I leave for Melbourne tomorrow? And the car is 15 minutes that way.
So is that a 'no'? I can't be held responsible every time an old person breaks a hip.
You can when the dog she sent into the sky with her deceased husband suddenly turns up on her doorstep.
You said this was a shortcut.
It is when it's not bin day.
The evidence has gone.
It's his word against mine.
I was gonna call you when I landed Oh, that's fine.
Did you get everything finished? Gotta go back to Melbourne, though.
I thought I fired you and then you pull something like this? I'm offering you a way out.
$50,000.
Bridget, she's been through a lot.
Don't hurt her.
If you do, you'll have me to answer to.
No ride, no wedding.