The Munsters (1964) s01e26 Episode Script

Far Out Munsters

You know, Lily, it's very nice to relax after supper.
[Chuckles] Did you have a hard day at the parlor, dear? Did I? People were in and out all day.
Eh, don't complain, Herman.
You should be grateful you've got a going business.
[Clattering] What is it you've got there, Herman? Popcorn.
L-I thought I'd make some and sort of keep things jumping.
[Eddie] Now you stay there, Spot, and be a good boy.
[Footsteps Pounding] [Spot Growling] Hey, Dad, I got a new record today.
Is it okay if I play it on the phonograph? Why, of course, Eddie.
I think it's very nice for a young boy to be interested in music.
[Chuckling] You know, Eddie, back in the Old Country, you couldn't keep me away from good music.
Hmm! Why, I used to haunt the opera house night and day.
Turn the horn around, Eddie, so that we can all hear it.
Huh.
?? [Rock And Roll Blaring] [Growls] - [Gulps] [No Audible Dialogue] [Yelling, Drowned Out By Music] But, Pop, they're The Standells.
Every kid in school is crazy about 'em.
And they're coming to town for a concert.
Boy, I'd give anything to meet 'em face-to-face.
Whew, Eddie [Sighs] We can all be thankful that that will never happen.
Okay, okay, Pops.
So we're picking up 8,000 for a one-night stand in this town.
We don't want to get stomped to death.
Yeah, that last hotel was too much with those 2,000 screaming kids in the lobby.
Look, why don't you rent us a mansion with a couple of swimming pools.
Like you did in Beverly Hills.
You guys wrecked the last two places like that cost us $15,000 damages.
Well, then get us a place on the outskirts, one we can't hurt.
Hey, that's a good idea.
Right on.
Yeah.
Well, all right.
All right.
I've got a real estate agent working on it, and he's spotted a place.
"1313 Mockingbird Lane.
" It's owned by some people named, uh, "Munster.
" I'm going out there now and try to make a deal.
Yeah, when those Munsters find out what we're willing to pay, they'll practically fall over dead.
It's nice you're interested in our house, Mr.
Murdock, but it simply isn't for rent.
But it would be just right for these, uh, friends of mine.
And I'm prepared to make a very attractive offer.
Oh, but my aunt and uncle are out right now, and Grandfather's up in the attic.
Oh, uh, working? Oh, no.
He just likes to hang around up there.
I only want to rent the place for my clients for the weekend.
And we're prepared to pay $500.
Well, I really don't believe they'd consider renting it.
Are you sure you heard me right, miss? I said $1,500 for a weekend.
Oh, well, that's very generous, but they're very touchy about having strangers in the house.
In all the years that we've lived here, I can't recall more than eight or nine people ever getting past the front door.
Yes.
Well, uh, you folks think it over.
And have your aunt or uncle call me, huh? Here's my card.
Oh, thank you.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Even my boys couldn't hurt this dump.
This Mr.
Murdock seemed very anxious to rent the place.
But $1,500, just for the weekend? [Scoffs] Must be some congressman here on government business.
Mm-hmm.
I don't think so.
He called back three times.
And he said he'd even put us all up at a hotel if we'd rent the place.
But we don't even know who the man represents.
L-I mean, what would the neighbors think if they saw a bunch of strange-looking people living in our home? Grandpa, we could use the money.
We still owe that bill to the vet from the last time you went out prowling a-and caught distemper.
Grandpa, if you'd taken your shots when I told you to, you could have saved us $400.
Hey, Mom, if we do rent the place, could I use some of the money to buy Spot a new toy? Oh, Eddie, we gave him a foreign sports car for Christmas.
He played with it a couple of times, and then he threw it over the back fence.
Uncle Herman, what should I tell the man if he calls back again? Marilyn, dear, I've thought the thing over from all angles, and I have come to a conclusion.
We will accept the man's offer.
That is my decision as head of the house.
[Chuckles] [Clears Throat] That's all right with you, isn't it, pussycat? Oh, uh, Lily, I'm gonna leave the key under the mat, dear, for our temporary tenants.
We don't want any burglars getting in here.
Eh, Herman, how are our tenants going to know that the key is under the mat? Please, Grandpa, I've taken care of everything.
I hope those tenants don't ruin our beautiful yard.
Oh, dear, yes.
It's taken us years to get it in this condition.
Lily, I've taken care of that too, dear.
Wait a minute! I forgot to say good-bye to Spot.
[Groans] Good-bye, Spot! [Spot Growls] We're leaving now, Spot! [Growling Continues] Now, you be a good boy while we're gone.
[Growls] He's a good fellow, isn't he? [Laughing, Grunting] [Car Door Shuts, Engine Starts] What is that? You got me.
Since when has the morgue been giving curb service? Grandpa, Lily, Marilyn, you go on in and register.
I'll park the car.
There's a sign underground garage.
Underground? Herman, let me go with you.
I might run into a few old friends.
No, Grandpa.
You go on in with the girls and keep an eye on them.
There are lots of fresh traveling salesmen in hotel lobbies.
May I? Yeah, here.
[Grunts] What do you got in here? Just my father's extra pair of shoes.
Hey, guys, what do you think of this coop? Reminds me of the converted car barn we played in San Francisco.
[Igor Squeaking] Hey - What was that? - Well, it was no swallow from Capistrano.
Hey, look at this thing.
?? [Organ Notes Honk] That's crazy, man.
You can see the notes while you play 'em.
Hey, dig this lopsided "geetar.
" Wow.
Wow.
?? [Harp Note Sounds] That's swing.
[All Laughing] Hey, guys, you know what? This calls for a party.
That's a good idea.
Let's get on the horn and call us up some playmates.
Now you're talking! Eh, say, uh, what's this thing? Uh, that's the air conditioner, sir.
Well, turn it on.
The air seems awfully fresh in here.
Yes, sir.
Hey, Mom, can I go out and walk around the ledge? Oh, no.
No, Eddie.
You might fall off and hurt somebody.
Now you go right in, Eddie, and get ready for bed.
[Sighs] No dust! And at these prices too! [Clears Throat] Uh, uh, Grandpa, the bellboy is holding out his hand.
What for? You're supposed to grease his palm.
Oh! [Chuckling] I'm sorry.
Where were you, Herman? Oh, Lily, I had a terrible time parking.
Yeah.
You know, I think this hotel is having labor trouble.
Just as I drove in their underground garage, the attendant quit.
What kind of a dump is this? Mom, I don't think I can sleep in that creepy bed.
Could I sleep in the dresser drawer? At least it has handles on it.
We'll see, Eddie.
Oh, Herman, I don't know about this place.
I wish we were back in our own cozy little house enjoying a nice, quiet evening.
[Sighs] [Chattering] The Smith Brothers have arrived! Sorry to hear about that eye.
[Chattering Continues] [Man] Hey, sweetheart [Continues, Indistinct] Hey, Tony, Nick, the P.
T.
A.
Have arrived! Come on in.
Oh, Herman, I thought we were going to spend an enjoyable weekend away from home, but nothing has worked out.
I agree, dear.
I think it's ridiculous to put up with all these hardships and inconveniences.
But how can we go home? We signed that lease.
Oh, I don't care if we did.
We'll just ask them to leave.
I'm with you all the way, dear.
Eh, but will you do the talking? All right.
Oh, Marilyn, will you get Grandpa so we can get going? Come on, Grandpa.
I'll be right with you.
?? [Rock And Roll] ? Everybody we know? ? I'm gonna set you straight This dance is great? Herman, look at all the cars.
What's going on here? And look at the house.
It's all lit up.
Yes, it sure gives it an eerie effect.
Listen! I hear music.
Those people who rented our house are throwing a party.
Lily, let's go back to the hotel.
[Engine Starts] Herman, Herman, no, no.
We'll do no such thing.
That is our house, and those people are throwing a wild party.
Now you, as head of the family, will go right in there and demand that they leave! ? I'm gonna set you straight This dance is great? ? Come on and Ringo? Go ahead and knock.
All right.
[Thunderous Knocking] Eh, look here, l Come on in.
Hey, Zeno, some cats from L.
A.
Just blew in.
Look, you don't understand.
We Go on in and mingle, doll! Come on in.
We don't know anybody either.
? Everybody Ringo? ? I'm gonna set you straight This dance is great? ? Come on and Ringo? Did you dig that crazy getup? Man, is that way out! Did you see the hairdo on the tall one? It's the greatest thing since Carl Sandburg.
? Energy to do this dance for you? ? We showed you how to Ringo? ? Come on and let yourself go? ? Everybody Ringo? ? I'm gonna set you straight? ? This dance is great Come on and Ringo? ? Come on and Ringo Come on and Ringo? ? Come on and Ringo? ? Yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah? - ? Yeah, yeah? - ? Yeah, yeah? - ? Yeah, yeah? - ? Yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah? ? Yeah, yeah, yeah?? [Cheering] Herman, say something.
Pardon me, young man, but do you think I could Uh, just cool it, man.
You'll get your chance.
?? [Music Resumes: "I Want to Hold Your Hand'"] ? Oh, yeah, I'll tell you something? ? I think you'll understand? Hey, Dad, those neat guys are The Standells! ? When I say that something? ? I want to hold your hand? [Gasps] You mean those are the people who rented our house? ? I want to hold your hand? ? I want to hold your hand? ? Oh, please, say to me? ? You'll let me be your man? ? And, please, say to me? ? You'll let me hold your hand? ? I want to hold your hand? ? I want to hold your hand? You know, Herman ? And when I touch you? They do have a certain style.
? I feel happy? Yes.
They are rather razzmatazz.
? Inside? ? It's such a feeling that my love? You know, they're almost as good as Kate Smith.
? I can't hide.
! I can't hide? ? I can't hide? ? Yeah, you've got that something? ? I think you'll understand? ? When I say that something? ? I want to hold your hand? ? I want to hold your hand? ? I want to hold your hand? Grandpa, doesn't that send you out of this world? ? And when I touch you? ? I feel happy inside? So what? I've been there before.
? It's such a feeling that my love? ? I can't hide.
! I can't hide? ? I can't hide? ? Yeah, you've got that something? Sweetheart, you're not a bit like the rest of your group.
Yes, I know.
I'm the plain one in the family.
? When I say that something? ? I want to hold your hand? ? I want to hold your hand? [Mouthing Words] ? I want to hold your hand? ? I want to hold your hand?? [Cheering] [Boat Whistle] [Cheering Continues] Cool it! Cool it, everybody! Cool it! Cool it! The hermit's gonna groove us! [Cheering] This reminds me of that wild party at Mayerling just before the grand duke went upstairs and blew his brains out.
?? [Drumming] In the vortex of the future of that cool tomorrow land, ?? [Drumming Continues] We'll all wig there, play a gig there in that great nonunion band.
Scuba doo and scuba dabba.
Life's a gas, and life's a grabba.
Hip is hip, and groove is groovy.
Life's a wild Fellini movie.
When that hairy fist of silence slugs us, bugs us, puts us down Hmm.
We'll all wing it, we'll all sing it: "Guy Lombardo's back in town.
" [Cheering] Oh, that guy sure cuts away the tinsel, don't he? Oh, Grandpa, isn't this a fun party? Yes, I haven't seen so many good-looking people in one place since we closed down the mausoleum back home.
Let's hear from theJolly Green Giant! Yeah! Come on, Herman! [Crowd Cheering] O-Oh, oh, no.
Not me.
[Cheering, Chattering] Oh, dear, I think he's going to recite.
[Sighs] [Clears Throat] Um ?? [Drumming] Ibbity bibbity sibbity sab.
L-Ibbity bibbity canal boat.
Dictionary down the ferry.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary.
?? [Drumming Continues] [Sighs] Um, Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear.
Fuzzy Wuzzy lost his hair.
S-Scuba doo and scuba die.
That chicken's not too young to fry.
L-Life is real, life is earnest.
If you're cold, turn up the furnace.
Th l-I thank you.
[Cheering] [Boat Whistle] Man, that cat is deep.
Yeah, what a message.
And now we have a rare treat in store for you.
A truly great talent, and a member of my own family.
I would like to present to you, group, that swinging chick from Transylvania, my wife.
! Eh, let's all hear it for Lily! Go ahead, Aunt Lily.
Don't be shy.
[Chuckles] Cats, you ain't heard nothin' yet! Get a load of this cat you'd think he owned the place.
Thank you, pussycat.
?? [Harp] ? He's goin'? ? He's goin' away? ? For to stay? ? A little while? ? But he's comin' back? ? If he goes? ? 10,000 miles? ? Oh, who will tie? ? My shoe? ? And who will comb? ? My hair? ? And who will kiss? ? My ruby lips? ? When he is gone? ? Look away? ? Look away? ? Over Yandro? ? Oh, brother will tie? ? My shoe? ? And sister will comb? ? My hair? ? And you will kiss? ? My ruby lips? ? When you? ? Come home? ? Look away? ? Look away? ? Over Yandro?? [Cheering] Well, good night, fellas.
Oh, listen.
Good night.
If your act ever dies, give me a call at the parlor.
Ah.
So long.
We really dig you people! And someday we'll return the favor.
Bye.
Bye.
So long.
[Door Creaking] [Door Closes] Look, Pop, I got their autograph.
"To Eddie Munster, a real gone gasser.
Sincerely, The Standells.
" Huh! Well, isn't that nice, Eddie? You know, Lily, I'm gonna sleep a lot better tonight, dear, knowing that the future of America is in the hands of boys like these.
Good morning, everybody.
Good morning, Grandpa.
Good morning.
Oh, what an evening.
You know, I fell asleep the moment my head hit the slab.
You're a little late this morning, Grandpa.
Let me heat up your coffee.
It's all right, Lily.
I'll take care of it.
[Sizzling] Well, Uncle Herman, we certainly had a lot of fun last night, didn't we? We certainly did, dear.
But you know something, Marilyn? It's nice just to be the plain old Munsters again.
[Chuckling] And go back to normal living.
Oh, you're so right, Herman.
[Clattering] Good morning, dear.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Morning, Eddie.