The Naked Chef (1999) s01e05 Episode Script

Birthday Party

Naked's what I call my way of cooking.
What I cook in the restaurant isn't what I cook at home.
Cooking's gotta be a laugh.
It's gotta be simple - it's gotta be tasty - it's gotta be fun.
I suppose you could say it's stripping down the recipe to its bare essentials.
No way it's not me it's the food.
Must be a special occasion Jamie if you're having your hair cut? It's my birthday.
I'm having a party - have a load of mates round so I thought I'd have my mop chopped - make a bit of an effort you know.
So you cooking for everyone? Yeah yeah - I've got 'em all coming round about 30 or 40 or them so I wanna keep it simple - I've got big loin of pork - slice it up - big salad, salsas - shoved in a pitta bread - posh kebabs mate - it'll be pucker.
ROAST LOIN OF PORK Look at this - now the butcher's done all the hard work for me.
All I did was walk in the shop say can I have a loin of pork - can I have it scored - can I have it off the bone - and can you chop the bones up for me? It's all done - no mess.
So all I want to do is do some really simple things to make it really taste superb - I mean I'm just gonna roast it as normal.
So first thing I'm gonna get some fennel seeds - just about a couple of tablespoons and just smash these up Pork's really good value and this is a nice free range bit of pork and it's you know - it didn't - didn't really costs me too much considering I'm gonna feed about like 30/40 people with it - These fennel seeds - just sprinkle it onto the flesh on the bottom yeah - it's quite a nice fresh flavour - er - and you know I think it complements pork quite well - so pat that in.
If you didn't want to use this much could you use a smaller joint or? Yeah yeah - I mean I've got a big joint of pork cos I've got loads of people coming round, but do a half loin - do a quarter loin - even if it's for two or three people - do a quarter of a loin of pork and then when it's cooled down put it in the fridge - it'll last for about 2/3 days - really nice in sandwiches - lovely sliced into sort of salads and stuff like that.
I mean the thing is the smaller the cut of the meat - the kind of the more of the point of roasting you lose - you know what I mean - you might as well just fry it or grill it then.
So these garlic cloves - I've just broken up the whole bulb and I'm just gonna kind of smash it a little bit - just to kind of squash it really - not smash it into a paste.
Then just scoop it out and rub it onto this meat and it doesn't look it's gonna do a lot but it will infuse an immediate bit of flavour.
So - so we've done that - then just turn it round - and I'm gonna get some rosemary into these lovely cracks do you know what I mean? So as opposed to just having lovely crackling salt - I'm gonna get rosemary in these little gaps and then just - ah it's just gonna be so tasty.
So that's the pork crackling there on the top? Yeah - this is the skin and I've scored - and the butcher's scored it - so when that cooks and the fat gets going in between and I've got like rosemary in there it's gonna start sort of getting all greasy and fatty and bubbling away and the skin's going to souffle up and all that rosemary flavour's gonna go straight into it.
Pull of the nice sort of tender little bits really and get rid of all the stalks.
All you wanna do is just chop up the rosemary so it's just fine enough to get into those nothing exact and then kind of sprinkle it over the skin and the idea really is to get it all in the gaps and not on top because even though it doesn't matter if it's on top it'll burn and you won't sort of benefit any flavour out there.
So just kind of rub it in.
Are you gonna serve this hot or cold? Well I'm gonna serve it hot but you know it doesn't matter if it's cold.
I think pork's wicked hot or cold you know.
Right - what we gotta do now is do a kind of little marinade - er - and we've got a nice big tray.
In that tray I'm gonna put all the left over bits of flavour that haven't quite gone into the pork - all the rosemary - all the garlic - little bits of fennel seed and quite simply put er - a good lug of balsamic vinegar - just enough to sort of thinly cover the bottom of the er - tray.
There you go - and some olive oil.
Right so I'm gonna get some bay leaf - and these are really nice flavour so I just pick some of these off - so just kind of rip them up into the bottom of the tray - and then what I'm gonna do is just put this lion - flesh side down - not skin side down cos anything that gets on the skin will burn and we want to have lovely golden crackling.
But the flesh side we wanna suck up all those lovely flavours, and just leave it for about half an hour.
Right so this pork's had about half an hour now - doesn't really look much different on top cos it hasn't touched it - but on the bottom it looks a bit different and it'll definitely taste a lot different.
So what I'm gonna do is just push it to one side er - get a nice big pinch of salt on top and that'll make it crackle and go really nice.
And then a bit underneath to season the meat as well.
And these bones that I've got chopped up - I just put in a line - and then just move the pork onto that and it'll lift the meat off - off the marinade cos you don't want it to boil do you know what I mean - you want it to roast So the meat juices then fall through? Yeah cos basically what's gonna happen now is the juices will cook out the pork - go into all that lovely marinade which has got olive oil in it and it's gonna be like a kind of really sticky, tasty kind of dressing type thing - which will be really nice to dribble over sliced meat later.
I can't imagine how that's gonna look like a kebab? No but the thing is when it's cooked I'm gonna slice it nice and thinly - put it on a plate - little bit of salad - little bit of salsa, pitta bread - It seems such an extraordinary thing to be cooking at home? Kebabs? Oh mate - I know that a lot of chefs are a bit kind of proud but I'm not too proud - I like a bit of tacky every now and again - so no - I love kebabs - it's gonna be perfect for tonight.
Yeah - so basically I've got my oven on full whack - I'm gonna put it in for an hour - after the first 20 minutes I'm gonna turn it down to 220 so it kind of cooks nice and sort of fast but slightly more gentle and it'll be really nice and crispy and golden on top and the meat will just be perfect.
SALSA Okay to go with my posh pork kebabs - er I'm gonna make like a funky little salsa which I suppose is replacement for the old chilli sauce - so I'm gonna plonk in the old peppers - er - right on the gas - gas hob and that's gonna kind of sear the skin - and I just find it quicker to do it like this on the gas as opposed to in the grill or you know to roast it.
To those two peppers I need about half a medium sized red onion - cos they're quite nice and sweet anyway.
And I'm just gonna finely chop it.
That's that done - and then I've got three large chilies - so I'm just gonna cut them in half, and kind of poke out the er - the seeds and then finely chop them.
Let's turn one of these.
Look at that so you wanna get them nice and black like that.
You should only have to turn it three times really cos peppers normally have bout three or four sides And what are you gonna give people to drink? Oh God! - Well we're gonna have the normal beer and wine but er - I've got my mate Damian coming round - he's a really good barman and er - he's quite good at cocktails.
In actual fact he's very good at cocktails and he's gotta couple of little surprises up his sleeve for me.
I don't know anything about cocktails - er I know - he's gonna come round in a van and we're gonna pick up our shipment of booze.
That looks like an awful lot of chilli? Yeah but these big ones aren't very strong you know.
You adding them to taste really - the idea is that's it's quite crunchy and quite twangy and quite hot and loads of flavour.
One garlic clove just finely chop it - really fine.
Lovely - let's get all that in there.
Let's have a look at these - brilliant.
Er - Yeah we're done.
So - some people put the old er - peppers once they're really blackened - some people put 'em in plastic bags or - er - sandwich bags - but I just chuck 'em in a bowl - and er - cover them in cling film and they'll start to steam you can see it and then when I come back to it in sort of five minutes time - the inside will be lovely and sweet - soft and the outside the skin will just pull away really easy.
Right I'm gonna put some fresh parsley and some basil in here.
I'm not gonna be fussy with it I'm just gonna take the worst of the stalk off - and then kind of roll it up - so it's all kind of compacted and then I'm gonna finely chop it.
Here we go.
I know it's your birthday Jamie but does - does your party have a particular theme? No there's no theme - I just wanna get all my old mates together really - have a good laugh.
I don't - I'm not really all that keen on theme parties because - well I had a terrible experience once - I - it was my mate's 20th birthday and it was cross dressing party.
Don't ask me why - it wasn't my idea - and er - all the girls came as blokes - I went as a woman and I made such an ugly woman you wouldn't believe and I was in a luminous - luminous green skirt and skirt and shirt number - and er - I decided to walk home at the end of the night and I had to keep diving in the ditches cos - cos cars kept coming along and I didn't want them to see me.
And I didn't tell anyone that I'd left - and they just found my handbag and the inside of my bra next to the pond and everyone thought I'd drowned and they were digging around trying to find me.
So I won't ever be doing that again.
Right - so just add about sort of five or six tablespoons of olive oil - just enough to sort of loosen it up and make it lovely and shiny.
And then these peppers should be ready so basically we just wanna kind of pull away the skin and that's really easy now we've kind of steamed them a little bit.
You sometimes you see people wash them under the tap cos it's - they think it's easier and it's just damn lazy really and you wash all the lovely sweetness away - so don't do that.
Anyway - a little - little bit of black skin left of them is quite nice cos it tastes quite chary and - barbecuey - which is pretty funky.
What we have to do now is cut it in half - and you should be able to pull out the once.
Ah they're hot! Yeah it's an idea to let them get - ah - it's an idea to let them get a bit cooler.
Ah - get rid of all the pips.
And then just chop it along - right nearly there.
And that looks yum yum.
So right so scrape it all in.
In we go.
That looks superb and all we have to do now is kind of correct it all - so good pinch of salt and a really generous twisting of pepper.
Lovely! - and actually I tell you what the other trick is - nice little lug of red wine vinegar because it's got a really nice twang and er - kind of gives it that kick - that little kick that we like with the chilli and all that funky stuff.
Right so - mmm - I'm really pleased with that.
Tastes really good now - but if you come back to it in about an hour when it's all had time to kind of amalgamate and mix up and all the flavours are kind of getting right in there - er - give it another bit of salt and pepper and er - that'll be really good.
Hello mate.
Where do you get the van? Ah borrowed it off my mum.
What is she a builder or something? I'm in a party mood mate - how you feeling? Wicked.
Promise me you're gonna give me a hand with these punches cos I'm useless I don't know what I'm doing.
Right I've got to shoot off - get changed but can you make that sugar syrup - Yeah yeah yeah - orange isn't it? Yeah orange and a bit of mint Thank for that - see you soon.
CHILLI AND MOzARELLA This mozzarella and chilli salad is absolutely superb - it's definitely one of my favourites.
Get it really good - what I have to do is just blacken the chillies - exactly the same as I did the peppers and I just have to prick the skin first cos I had a bit of dodgy experience once when I was at work and I was grilling about 30 chillies and er - all of a sudden they started exploding - I mean like really like hot hot exploding all over my face and it really really burnt.
So got to prick 'em first and then they won't do it.
But they smell wicked.
I love chillies anyway - but like when you've got that milkiness of the cold sort of mozzarella and the kind of sweet hot chillies - like - to me it's just like - I just love it.
I love it to bits.
Also I've got quite a few veggies - well quite a few - I've got a couple of veggies coming tonight so - I want them to able to put something in their pitta bread - you know have something substantial to eat.
These are basically ready now - we just wanna make them sweet and make the skin come off quick.
So I just pop in the pot and er - cling film it.
And leave that for about five minutes.
Er - and what I'm gonna do now - is I've got some nice mozzarella - but I reckon the key to make this a really good salad - I mean it sounds a bit funny is to have a nice big plate yeah - and then er - instead of cutting the mozzarella up which looks - I think a bit plasticy - just rip it up - and old fashion really - I mean into quarters is kind of a good idea.
Just so it looks a bit more natural and a bit kind of more - I don't know rustic I suppose.
I just think it looks funky.
Right there you go - now these chillies you can see 'em - they've been steaming a little bit and there's loads of condensation inside.
I just test one and see if the skin wants to come off.
Yeah lovely.
Right - er - they're really easy to peel.
You just push away the skin - comes off really easy.
So what we wanna do now is get - just take the ends off the chilli - cut them in half - they smell absolutely fantastic and I just scrap all the seeds out - right which is obviously the really harsh hot bit - So what you're left with is fairly mild then is it? Yeah reasonably mild - I'll try one in a minute and if I'm wrong - I mean all chillies are different - from different parts of the world - er - and I've been eating chillies raw one minute sort of really easily and then the next week we get a similar looking batch in and they're from a different part of the country and you nosh into one and it's like ah! - And it's just like awful but - no I think these will be alright - and I jut basically slice them lengthways.
So if you make a really really hot chilli - like that - what if that was really hot what do you do? It's quite hot but it's nice as well.
Oh - yeah it's quite hot - but the thing is even though it's quite hot - it's mild hot - when that's with all that really milky mozzarella, olive oil and stuff it's gonna be superb.
What else would you use these for? These chillies? God - you can do 'em so much - er - you can do 'em with like boiled rice - er in with noodles - and I like 'em especially in like spaghetti or pastas and stuff like that - over grilled vegetables - in salads - loads of stuff and just a couple you know don't put loads in - just a couple to sort of liven it up a bit.
Right - so what we do now is just really roughly sprinkle it over the mozzarella - don't be fussy - don't do anything sort of restauranty with it - sprinkle it all over and that's beautiful.
So then what we've gotta do is get some herbs - and we've got some nice herbs.
I've got some purple basil and some green basil and I'm just gonna rip it up - really kind of roughly -just over it - Purple basil is rather unusual isn't it? I suppose it is unusual - but - you can get it in all the supermarkets now and you know looks great and it tastes really good.
Does it taste different from green basil? Slightly different yeah - slightly fresher - slightly more kind of aniseedy I think.
The thing I like about is even an idiot like me can do it - you just chuck it - you know all this no positioning or anything - just chuck it all over the place.
Black pepper very important.
Just do it from a height so it kind of scatters - some nice sea salt from a height again.
And er - I've got some nice - nice olive oil.
You can be nice and generous - again just scatter it.
Would you say that's a chef's tip then? Well no - no - I'm not doing it to be ponsy - I'm just doing it because if you do from a height then - you're not gonna get a whole load of pepper of a whole load of salt or whole load of oil in one place so it looks a bit kind of you know - no just do it.
And lemon juice I think - you could go for balsamic vinegar which would look quite pretty but I think that - I don't wanna hide - balsamic vinegar's quite sweet and I don't wanna hide up the sweetness of the chillies.
Yeah - lovely - that's gonna be really nice and that looks fantastic.
PEAS, SPINACH AND FETA CHEESE This was a bit of a fluke really how this salad came about really cos I was just walking down the er - supermarket - getting my fruit and veg as per norm and I was tucking into the - the peas and er - they were so fresh and sweet and it was lovely - and I thought - oh why can't raw peas work in a salad? So all I do is just get the old peas out and if you're lucky they'll all be small.
You do get the odd fat ball like a bullet and you don't want that at all - so you can either cook them the next day in a different way - or you could blanche them and put 'em in the salad, but I personally think you know you loose the whole idea about it.
So - I've got some washed baby spinach.
All I'm gonna do is chop the old spinach in a bowl - chuck the little peas in as well - I'm gonna really simple dress it.
I need some olive oil - a good kind of four, five second lug - you know about 4/5 tablespoons - just enough to coat your spinach really and then you wanna about the same again in lemon juice and the lemon is quite important do you know what I mean cos it's quite a summery thing and lovely fresh crunch peas and the lemon kind of pulls it all together so it's quite important.
Just do it to taste really.
And then I wanna good pinch of salt and a little bit of pepper and just sort of give it a dress.
Do you always do that with your hands? Well you can use tongs if you like but it just - I like to get stuck in you know what I mean? Makes it more fun.
So let's taste one.
Mmmm - yeah that's fine.
So once you've done that - just chuck the old spinach on - on the plate - and you'll always get left with a really lovely pile of like peas at the bottom so once the spinach is all there - just kind of sprinkle all the peas around.
I love all that - it just - just reminds me of summertime so much.
And then - got some feta cheese.
You can buy - I bought this in a block over the counter - you can buy in a pack or you know whatever you can get hold of.
You know funky little block like that - and I just love it to bits.
And just crumble it any old how.
Would you use any other sort of cheese? No to be honest with you in this salad it's so simple and it works so well - feta cheese is the only one for the job because it's kind of - it's kind of creamy - it's nice and salty - and it's kind of a bit tangy as well you know and I just think I can't think of a cheese that would do it to be honest.
Er - and the coulour's just look great and just sort of maybe bob it about a bit so it gets in there.
And that's just about it.
The easiest salad in the world.
And it tastes pucker.
Lovely - I like that.
JUNGLE BOOGIE COCKTAIL I got that sugar syrup done mate.
What's that Damian? This is - this is just a sugar - sugar syrup with a - with a bit of orange and mint.
How much sugar and water did you put in? Well I did a quarter of a pound of sugar and a pint of water and I just reduced it to a third.
That's the base of er ? That's what the basic is - it gives a really fresh sort of taste.
Cos we don't need all these peels and mint and there.
What is this cocktail thing - what's it called? This cocktail's called Jungle Boogie - I made it for Jamie - I really appreciate that.
So what you have to do bro is chop the pineapple and er orange and mango into hunks.
Into hunks? Into hunks.
Hunks and chunks.
We use a white and dark rum the dark colour's a bit sweeter than er - than the white one.
And it sort of balances each other out.
So I'm gonna add that to the syrup - smelling pretty intense.
I forgot the umbrellas.
Oh no.
I wanted to have a true Del Boy style cocktail.
Now we have to do is er - add the juices - we've got some orange juice - we've got some pineapple juice and we've got some mango juice.
So have you know Damian a long time Jamie.
Well yeah - I work with Damian and he's a choice barman - and er - we kind of work together really - or we did work together for three years.
Just - shall I put this straight in there? Yeah just chuck it in.
Mate I'm sorry cos I'm getting a bit nervous now - I've got butterflies.
How many people coming over? About 40 but if it goes pear shaped it's just me and you mate and that big bottle of rum.
So we're gonna put a little bit of lime juice in there - gives it a bit more flavour.
Liven it up a bit.
The last finishing touch for it is to put a bit of grated fresh nutmeg on it.
How much do you have to put in? You just - you just grate to taste.
Bit like salt and pepper.
Yeah exactly try it Jamie.
I'm looking forward to this.
What do you think? Yeah! - That's gonna do the trick.
You look sharp - I look a tramp - so I'm gonna get dressed and you look after yourself for 10 minutes.