The Naked Chef (1999) s02e02 Episode Script
Girls Girls Girls
Naked's what I call my way of cooking what I cook in the restaurant isn't what I cook at home.
Cooking's gotta be a laugh.
It's gotta be simple.
It's gotta be tasty.
It's gotta be fun.
I suppose you could say it's striping down the recipe to its bare essentials.
No way it's me - it's the food.
You do not believe how happy I am to see not that I'm not happy to see you all the time but I've just been shopping with George for an hour and I think that's enough punishment for any man.
The worst scenario is - is when they pick up two things that they like one that they really wanna buy and one that they don't.
And it's kind of like er-er-right er - well darling they're both very nice and there's kind of like the sweat starts dripping and it's which one does she like and I pick the wrong one - no I got it wrong.
She's meeting up with like six really good friends today and they're all gonna go clubbing and she's allowed me to tag along thanks very much.
So we're gonna you know have a good night out and then they're gonna come back to the flat and kip over.
I've gotta provide munchies and service Jools says my payment is to hang around with me and my mates, so I'll just have to ham it up to the boys.
What did you do last night? Spent it with six lovely ladies.
Thank you.
PUKKOLA I am gonna make the most fantastic breakfast in the world and it's called Pukkola because it's pucker and my name's Jamie Oliver.
And I've been searching for years for like the perfect breakfast yeah like a muesli type thing let me show you how you do it.
Right - so I've basically got about 8 scoops of organic Scottish porridge oats yeah - so that's the base really that's the main thing.
And then I want about two handfuls of bran and then I've got some dried fruits right which are quite nice cos they're yeah - I love dried apricots because to me they're like wine gums.
If I ever had a kid right who just wanted to keep eating wine gums all the time and had a problem with rotting teeth sounds nice doesn't it? I'd just give him these cos I think they're fantastic.
The second one I've got is dates and these are dried and they're sweet and they're chewy and they're caramely the thing is a lot of people kind of like go oh dates - I hate dates a little bit like anchovies you know I hate anchovies, I hate dates.
But you won't be able to taste it as a date it'll just be like a like a flavour really.
So have you been practicing your dancing? Yeah! No I'll let you into a secret yeah I am probably the world's worst dancer I don't think I'm going to be impressing the girls tonight too much do I try and be cool and get it completely wrong or do I just walk in there as my normal self and just you know have all the girls walking home saying he's nice that Jamie but he's a terrible dancer.
Oh yeah - anyway look you can see it's all chopped up now it's actually quite sticky - quite most - so - put that in there So that sweetens the - the mixture? Yeah we're talking about natural sweetness here, so the next thing we do are nuts my old mate.
And I've got three nuts and a handful of each yeah.
I've got my almonds which are great, I've got the old Brazil nuts now almonds and Brazil nuts are great cos they're a white nut and when you smash 'em up they go almost really creamy and sort of powdery which is lovely.
And then I've got the er the walnuts which are quite you know quite a robust sort of nut flavour.
And then just - you can do it in a Magimix if you like but I just like to fold 'em up like this and Just bash it with one of these It's good to get all your aggression out as well.
I haven't had a drum for a while so or you can use the Magimix.
No I like it I tell you what's good about this and you won't get this from the Mag is that you end up with lovely like you get lovely kind of almost bruised flour and then you get lovely chunks as well, and I think you know it adds to the flavour and the er - the look really.
So all I do is mix it up now.
And turn it over.
Now there's no way that I'm gonna eat all this so what I can do is just whack it in an old air tight container and I have this every morning for breakfast and you know quite frankly just gets your brain working.
Gets everything working actually.
This is like the Viagra of meuslis mate Anyway what's different about this because by all means like you know just serve it in a bowl and have it for breakfast as we all do, but what I'm saying is just, about an inch over the cereal just cover it with milk so there's quite a lot of milk in there - lovely! And that'll suck it all up and go lovely and then I need like apples so I've got about enough for sort of four, five people in there.
So I usually do a round sort of half an apple per person.
You do nice long grates and you can see you get all the lovely green skin they're real crunchy boys as well just don't buy the soft ones get the real crunchy boys that are quite almost a little bit tart as well you know But also if you think about it like if you look when I'm grating there's quite a lot of juice so you've got that whole sort of apple apple skin, apple juice thing and it just makes it taste so good.
I tell you what else I've done with the dried stuff yeah I've made - well I was cooking flap jacks for my cousins the other day and I just carried on like normal flap jacks but put the dried stuff in and I used that - and it was actually better than normal.
It was really, really fantastic.
Lovely! - So we're done mate.
So basically that's it - it's quite sloppy but the thing is as I said you can eat this like that now, but if you leave this is the fridge for like 8 hours the whole thing just changes do you know what I mean.
You maybe want to add a little bit of milk when you serve it but basically it goes sticky and Moorish and scrumptious and like all the flavour.
The thing is all the - all the goodness comes out of all the dried fruit and the nuts and into the milk and then into the - you know - it's fantastic.
I cling film it yeah cos well not that I've got anything that smells in the fridge, but if you've got say like some strong cheese or some onions or anything like that the milk and the porridge oats will take that flavour on and you don't want that.
So - you're gonna love it I'll let you have a bit later.
SWEET PEA & PRAWN RISOTTO I'm gonna make a bit of lunch are you up for that? Lovely.
Got some frozen stock and I just put a bit of hot water over it.
I'm gonna make risotto - I'm gonna make like a sweet pea and prawn risotto it's fantastic.
Did you make that yourself that stock? Yeah - does that impress you? Lovely - do you hear that er - yeah it's nice - you can use cos you can use like the old stock cubes for risotto but they just taste so much better you know you can't really go wrong if you start with a good stock.
So a good stock - good start already.
Second thing we need is onion, garlic, a little bit of celery.
Thing about risotto - people are scared of them - are you scared of them? A bit Do you have dreams about them darling? Bit of a dodgy nightmare.
Listen - all this is chopped up yeah put a bit of olive oil in there just a little bit.
And -er-right-so basically you can hear it frying now yeah, so what I'm gonna do is just give it a little shake, put a lid on top and because you've put the lid on top all the moisture that comes out will go back down and it'll kind of almost like simmer and steam a little bit so that's good.
Just cook that for a couple of minutes to get it nice and soft.
Get all the flavours happening you know what I mean that oil and the root veg - this should be getting nice and soft now.
Let's have a little feel - yeah.
And it's just kind of a good start flavour wise so the next thing is the old risotto rice and risotto rice is like it's quite a short plump rice with loads and loads of starch.
So 50 grams per person - in my case half a handful cos I've got big hands in your case a big handful.
And then just stir it around really.
Now I tell you what I would do now is er put a little pinch of salt in yeah because you want the seasoning to get inside of that rice as well.
It's only a little details, but it does count.
The first thing the rice is getting is just sucking up all that flavoured oil, all the lovely vegetables and stuff.
And when it's - it stops you know almost like a simmering steaming sound you can almost - when it starts to sound like it's frying I wanna put a little bit of white wine in there.
About a glass - and you look in there now all of a sudden there's this creamy stuff has come out the rice you know you wanna kind of encourage that out.
So by moving it you can see it like just becoming sticky and lovely.
So you wanna cook this for about one or two minutes and just smell it and when you can't smell that kind of that harsh kind of alcohol thing you know you know what I mean by that, when you put the old brandy on the Christmas pudding when it - it stops smelling like alcoholic, which is now basically.
You can start adding the stock and you'll just be left with all that lovely fragrance so just tip a bit of that in there.
So you want -for the perfect risotto you add a little bit of stock at a time.
And never anymore than that really.
And then as it cooks - it'll cook into it and you know it's kind of by stirring it - all the kind of risotto rice is kind of moving about and hitting each other.
And And is the heat quite high when you're doing that It's kind of - the heat's medium high if you have it too high the outside will be cooked and the middle will be like raw.
If it's too low it'll just go like pulp so you wanna medium kind heat you know so it's constant.
Think risottos are fantastic they take 20 minutes to make right yeah you've gotta put a bit of love and affection in there you've gotta stir it a little bit but big deal you know.
And once you've learnt this like say you just make a couple of risottos over a couple of weeks and you've cracked it yeah - you've cracked the risotto the basic risotto - next time you go shopping and you're a bit stuck well I can cook risotto so what's good having a little walk around spinach - baby spinach - fantastic throw that in at the end with a little bit of lemon juice beautiful - nice Parmesan over the top.
Asparagus - you know you can put any sea food open up like clams or you can just put 'em straight in.
How brilliant is that.
I tell you what I'm so hot I've got this dripping sheep on top of me.
Oh dear oh dear - so let's have a little taste of this now cos it's looking lovely.
How can you tell when it's nearly ready? Well I just got a rice grain and you eat it.
! And basically you want it to be soft and a pleasure to eat and if it's not if it's chalky or - or you feel like you need a glass of water after you've eaten it then no you cook it for longer.
So it needs about 2 more minutes cooking which is perfect cos I've got well I'm cheating but - who's gonna tell me off - I am at home.
Got some lovely - right they're defrosted.
Got some lovely frozen prawns which are really actually juicy and nice and tender yeah and they look lovely beautiful colour and they're already cooked anyway so they only just need to be like just cooked with the rest of the rice for two minutes and then I've got this petite pois and don't tell me who hasn't got these in their freezer cos just about everyone has unless they're food snobs in my eyes because frozen peas have got to be the most well they're the best frozen thing in the world aren't they.
And I guess you could use fresh prawns and Yeah yeah fresh prawns of course and I like I feel like I'm compromising but at the end of the day I'm only feeding me and you and it's you know it's not as if I've got the Michelin star guide coming round to give me a telling off.
So no - it's you know it's what's in my freezer and it's real.
I'm gonna add a little bit more stock and I think we're practically there and now I'm gonna turn the heat off.
This is the most important thing that I found in risotto yeah so we turned the gas off right no more heat.
And I wanna nice knob of butter, yeah so let's get that in there.
And that's just gonna kind of bring it all together and be absolutely tasty as put a knob of butter in there and just kind of knock it up a bit and just stir it in.
And we put a lid on and just leave it forget it for 2 minutes.
If you just serve it now the rice will go on the plate and the stock will go and you'll have a plate of and then you'll have a pile of rice.
But what you want is a nice ouzy so it's nice to eat.
What I want yeah just as a last thing I love all that - it's so fresh.
I've got mint from the garden yeah and mint's great - you just plant it it grows like the clappers.
You just cut the old boys right down and they grow back up again.
They've got no feelings at all they just keep growing.
But If you look at this now it is just so creamy and lovely, it's just ouzy you know it's not gonna - it's gonna be nice and juicy - let's have a look.
Mmm -just a touch of salt and pepper right - we do want it to be perfect.
No point in going to all this trouble and then you know it's a bit bland so I tell you what's amazing the amount of sweetness that comes out of those peas and prawns it's lovely.
So put that in the middle of the plate I've done a bit too much as always and then get your mint and from a height just kind of sprinkle it and it's lovely to get - almost like you've got the lovely flavour there, but you have a bit of freshness on top.
And now just squeeze this over the top yeah.
So there we go right what else do we need? Here - I've got some a really good peppery olive oil yeah just a little drizzle and that's just you know it's almost like a bit of pepper on top.
Taste that oh gorgeous one go on - do you like? It's delicious CHOCOLATE POT I'm gonna make er - a chocolate desert like we call it a chocolate pot yeah it's probably about the most simple chocolate thing in the world.
But the good thing about it right is cos the girls want chocolate and I'm not arguing with them at this time of night.
I've got half a pint of single cream yeah that I just pour in the old in the old pan.
I don't wanna bring it to the boil but I wanna bring it to a little simmer, so I'm gonna whack the old gas up and get it heating.
And most importantly - got chocolate 70% cocoa mass for cooking.
But if I put a whole chunk of chocolate in it's take half an hour to melt so by by smashing it up does a good job so there we go right I need some eggs.
I've got some lovely free range organic eggs -just stand them up for a laugh.
Basically what I wanna do is er just crack the eggs so I've got the egg yolks yeah I'm not using the egg whites so I'm gonna chuck those away, but basically the egg yolks I'll put in this dish - it just makes it really, really rich and like intensifies the chocolate flavour.
So this cream has been on the heat for about a minute - a minute and a half so it's dead quick really and that's the only bit of cooking that we've got to do.
So it's not boiling but it's pretty much like a well it's kind of like a simmer really.
So pop your old chocolate in right - let's get a spatula right and just stir this in and I love this bit because you see cream turn into like this pretty unbelievable thing.
The liquid's hot enough to melt the chocolate? Yeah just hot enough to melt the chocolate and also these egg yolks I'm gonna put in now as well and obviously eggs hardly need any cooking really, but you've gotta stir it while you're doing it cos you don't want scrambled eggs in your old chocolate.
The nice thing is that you can see it becoming like really, really smooth.
So now we've done that what do we need? - A bit of brandy mate.
Don't tell them about it cos I think they've had their fair share for this much I put about a tablespoon a tablespoon and a half yeah but the trick is cos all brandy's are different and I wouldn't use a cheap old horrible brandy, do something half decent.
But have a little - stir it in and have a little taste yeah because like brandy and chocolate is quite a nice combination.
But if you have loads of booze and you swallow and it's like oh horrible so.
So the brandy really is just for flavour? Mmm- yeah - little bit more.
The other thing you can is like grate like orange in a little bit of orange zest so it's like the chocolate orange effect mate.
Yeah Nothing better than the old chocolate orange.
Right the last thing I need I'm gonna put a little bit of butter yeah and sort of you know it's about 20 grams of butter but in layman's terms about a small knob of butter really.
It's purely there to sort of enrichen it and make it lovely and smooth and just kind of Is it salted or unsalted? That is actually slightly salted funnily enough chocolate can always do with a little little pinch of salt cos it actually benefits from being seasoned a little bit Do you really not mind coming home in the middle of the night and then cooking I can't think of anything I'd like less No, mate I've done worse - every time I go round someone's house for a dinner party I end up cooking even if I'm not cooking so it makes no odds to me mate.
Listen that's gone all nice and smooth now I like to put it in little expresso cups and fill 'em up with chocolate pour it in carefully - I'm sure I'm gonna get chocolate everywhere.
It sets really smooth and like just like the perfect thing ah no I spilt a bit you know it's not hard and horrible it's kind of very smooth and lovely.
Darling - we're starving I'm nearly done now but I've got to put 'em in the fridge.
Did you have a nice evening Jools? Yeah it was brilliant, we had a right laugh, really good I'm afraid we're really starving no pressure Oh that's alright But can we have that now? No no no - cos I've gotta put them in the fridge but you can have that Excellent - don't be long.
Easily pleased Look what I've got You could serve them very happily as they are, but I tell you what I do I do like a little little like lemon and palenter cookies but any like little crunchy kind of biscuits fantastic cos then you put 'em on the side of the old dish so you have three biscuits a bit of this teaspoon and it's nice cos you can kind of use the biscuit to sort of spoon it all up.
So there you go - about half an hour, forty minutes - so MIDNIGHT PAN COOKED BREAKFAST This is like probably the most unchefy thing I've ever done in my life right basically I invented this when I was about 16 years old yeah and what is was we used to go we got and we used to go down to the pubs and to have a drink right? And we weren't horrible little reckless little kids but we did you know take part in a bit of underage drinking and I had two very close friends that used to live quite nearby and they always used to come back for a bit of tucker.
So I developed this thing which I call now midnight pan at breakfast because you make it at midnight and it's cooked in a pan and it's breakfast kind of I've got a really nice non stick pan and that's quite important for this recipe I think.
And I'm gonna put the sausages in there.
Is it very hot? It's like a medium high heat - if it's too hot everything gets kind of coloured and cooked far too quick and it's raw in the middle well like I hate eggs when they're cooked and they've got a black kind of that horrible teary film on the bottom and big bubbles you know a medium sort of high constant heat's good.
Well I'm starting off with the sausages cos they need more cooking yeah so the second thing we need is er yeah mushrooms.
So I've got some mushrooms and tomatoes here yeah so got these lovely like field mushrooms which are fantastic just turn it up a little bit.
Just - you can see - the sausages are getting nice and brown and I slice the mushrooms quite thick about a centimetre thick yeah sort of like that.
And actually if you cook field mushrooms well and you don't put too many in a pan right they taste so fantastic.
You can use any mushrooms you like just don't use button mushrooms which I think are like the worst mushroom in the world so as soon as you put 'em in cos they're a little bit like sponges toss 'em over and they get all that they get all that lovely juice as well and kind of make one layer.
What we doing next? I'm gonna cut these tomatoes in half yeah and I'm just gonna like put them cut side down in the pan and like all this is cooking at the same time.
Like this is the easiest fry up cos you can see it all happening and like as long as you get your orders right you know your sausages cos they take longer then your mushroom, then your tomato then get your bacon in and as long as you get that right it's it's just easy peasy.
So I've got some nice bacon here and this is dry cured bacon pretty normal bacon from the supermarket and you can feel it's dry cos it's not got all the horrible water in it doesn't shrink so much you know.
So like people do cook things really badly and I've honestly I've been to some of the poshest hotels and had the most expensive and the worst fry ups of my whole live.
You know - how at 28 quid for a fry up and it's like You know I'd much rather go down the greasy spoon and get an alright one for 2 quid you now.
We want the bacon to be nice and crispy so while that's happening I've got the grill on and I'm gonna do some nice thick chunky bread.
I like thick - you know thick toast oh it's beautiful.
Here what you up to? Just getting some orange for the girls.
How's it going? Lovely! - Right so I'm gonna whack the old toast in now Babe can you get us some butter out of the fridge and butter some toast for me? I can get it out the fridge but I'm not buttering it - I've got guests.
Do you hear that? - Did you hear that? See this is what I'm in my house for What did she say? No to be honest I'm looking after the guests.
Dear oh dear.
Look at the old tomatoes now - they've gone nice and brown yeah look at that.
Now this is the trick right It's alright - it's me.
Things like pine nuts and toast I always forget.
And I burn Right get the toast in So basically this is the clever bit now what we have to do is jingle and jungle everything up so every little area side to side middle to middle - everything's gotta a bit of everything do you know what I mean.
What we're gonna do - we're gonna crack the eggs in and just kind of angle it so the whites kind of go a little bit everywhere and what we do is we do it sort of from side to side and what happens is it kind of sticks everything together which sounds repulsive but believe you me at 12 o'clock at night it sounds beautiful.
And means that you can like cook it and then put it on to a big plate and it holds it's like a big frisbie mate.
It's like obviously very classy and then you put a little bit of pepper over the edge yeah I'm really pleased with that and then oh Gawd Alright - right so toast nearly burnt but it's blooming good perfect cooking for me.
Right so - what happens now is now now the bottom's had a you know it's perfect cooking - I'm just gonna pop it under the grill for literally 30 seconds just so the top of the eggs get nice and coloured so we're done - let's get Let's put the thing on there, lovely I keep the eggs nice and soft, and there we go, that is the world's best fry up.
Don't tell me if I serve that to the Queen right I tell you what she will be chuffed me old mate.
Right girls come on
Cooking's gotta be a laugh.
It's gotta be simple.
It's gotta be tasty.
It's gotta be fun.
I suppose you could say it's striping down the recipe to its bare essentials.
No way it's me - it's the food.
You do not believe how happy I am to see not that I'm not happy to see you all the time but I've just been shopping with George for an hour and I think that's enough punishment for any man.
The worst scenario is - is when they pick up two things that they like one that they really wanna buy and one that they don't.
And it's kind of like er-er-right er - well darling they're both very nice and there's kind of like the sweat starts dripping and it's which one does she like and I pick the wrong one - no I got it wrong.
She's meeting up with like six really good friends today and they're all gonna go clubbing and she's allowed me to tag along thanks very much.
So we're gonna you know have a good night out and then they're gonna come back to the flat and kip over.
I've gotta provide munchies and service Jools says my payment is to hang around with me and my mates, so I'll just have to ham it up to the boys.
What did you do last night? Spent it with six lovely ladies.
Thank you.
PUKKOLA I am gonna make the most fantastic breakfast in the world and it's called Pukkola because it's pucker and my name's Jamie Oliver.
And I've been searching for years for like the perfect breakfast yeah like a muesli type thing let me show you how you do it.
Right - so I've basically got about 8 scoops of organic Scottish porridge oats yeah - so that's the base really that's the main thing.
And then I want about two handfuls of bran and then I've got some dried fruits right which are quite nice cos they're yeah - I love dried apricots because to me they're like wine gums.
If I ever had a kid right who just wanted to keep eating wine gums all the time and had a problem with rotting teeth sounds nice doesn't it? I'd just give him these cos I think they're fantastic.
The second one I've got is dates and these are dried and they're sweet and they're chewy and they're caramely the thing is a lot of people kind of like go oh dates - I hate dates a little bit like anchovies you know I hate anchovies, I hate dates.
But you won't be able to taste it as a date it'll just be like a like a flavour really.
So have you been practicing your dancing? Yeah! No I'll let you into a secret yeah I am probably the world's worst dancer I don't think I'm going to be impressing the girls tonight too much do I try and be cool and get it completely wrong or do I just walk in there as my normal self and just you know have all the girls walking home saying he's nice that Jamie but he's a terrible dancer.
Oh yeah - anyway look you can see it's all chopped up now it's actually quite sticky - quite most - so - put that in there So that sweetens the - the mixture? Yeah we're talking about natural sweetness here, so the next thing we do are nuts my old mate.
And I've got three nuts and a handful of each yeah.
I've got my almonds which are great, I've got the old Brazil nuts now almonds and Brazil nuts are great cos they're a white nut and when you smash 'em up they go almost really creamy and sort of powdery which is lovely.
And then I've got the er the walnuts which are quite you know quite a robust sort of nut flavour.
And then just - you can do it in a Magimix if you like but I just like to fold 'em up like this and Just bash it with one of these It's good to get all your aggression out as well.
I haven't had a drum for a while so or you can use the Magimix.
No I like it I tell you what's good about this and you won't get this from the Mag is that you end up with lovely like you get lovely kind of almost bruised flour and then you get lovely chunks as well, and I think you know it adds to the flavour and the er - the look really.
So all I do is mix it up now.
And turn it over.
Now there's no way that I'm gonna eat all this so what I can do is just whack it in an old air tight container and I have this every morning for breakfast and you know quite frankly just gets your brain working.
Gets everything working actually.
This is like the Viagra of meuslis mate Anyway what's different about this because by all means like you know just serve it in a bowl and have it for breakfast as we all do, but what I'm saying is just, about an inch over the cereal just cover it with milk so there's quite a lot of milk in there - lovely! And that'll suck it all up and go lovely and then I need like apples so I've got about enough for sort of four, five people in there.
So I usually do a round sort of half an apple per person.
You do nice long grates and you can see you get all the lovely green skin they're real crunchy boys as well just don't buy the soft ones get the real crunchy boys that are quite almost a little bit tart as well you know But also if you think about it like if you look when I'm grating there's quite a lot of juice so you've got that whole sort of apple apple skin, apple juice thing and it just makes it taste so good.
I tell you what else I've done with the dried stuff yeah I've made - well I was cooking flap jacks for my cousins the other day and I just carried on like normal flap jacks but put the dried stuff in and I used that - and it was actually better than normal.
It was really, really fantastic.
Lovely! - So we're done mate.
So basically that's it - it's quite sloppy but the thing is as I said you can eat this like that now, but if you leave this is the fridge for like 8 hours the whole thing just changes do you know what I mean.
You maybe want to add a little bit of milk when you serve it but basically it goes sticky and Moorish and scrumptious and like all the flavour.
The thing is all the - all the goodness comes out of all the dried fruit and the nuts and into the milk and then into the - you know - it's fantastic.
I cling film it yeah cos well not that I've got anything that smells in the fridge, but if you've got say like some strong cheese or some onions or anything like that the milk and the porridge oats will take that flavour on and you don't want that.
So - you're gonna love it I'll let you have a bit later.
SWEET PEA & PRAWN RISOTTO I'm gonna make a bit of lunch are you up for that? Lovely.
Got some frozen stock and I just put a bit of hot water over it.
I'm gonna make risotto - I'm gonna make like a sweet pea and prawn risotto it's fantastic.
Did you make that yourself that stock? Yeah - does that impress you? Lovely - do you hear that er - yeah it's nice - you can use cos you can use like the old stock cubes for risotto but they just taste so much better you know you can't really go wrong if you start with a good stock.
So a good stock - good start already.
Second thing we need is onion, garlic, a little bit of celery.
Thing about risotto - people are scared of them - are you scared of them? A bit Do you have dreams about them darling? Bit of a dodgy nightmare.
Listen - all this is chopped up yeah put a bit of olive oil in there just a little bit.
And -er-right-so basically you can hear it frying now yeah, so what I'm gonna do is just give it a little shake, put a lid on top and because you've put the lid on top all the moisture that comes out will go back down and it'll kind of almost like simmer and steam a little bit so that's good.
Just cook that for a couple of minutes to get it nice and soft.
Get all the flavours happening you know what I mean that oil and the root veg - this should be getting nice and soft now.
Let's have a little feel - yeah.
And it's just kind of a good start flavour wise so the next thing is the old risotto rice and risotto rice is like it's quite a short plump rice with loads and loads of starch.
So 50 grams per person - in my case half a handful cos I've got big hands in your case a big handful.
And then just stir it around really.
Now I tell you what I would do now is er put a little pinch of salt in yeah because you want the seasoning to get inside of that rice as well.
It's only a little details, but it does count.
The first thing the rice is getting is just sucking up all that flavoured oil, all the lovely vegetables and stuff.
And when it's - it stops you know almost like a simmering steaming sound you can almost - when it starts to sound like it's frying I wanna put a little bit of white wine in there.
About a glass - and you look in there now all of a sudden there's this creamy stuff has come out the rice you know you wanna kind of encourage that out.
So by moving it you can see it like just becoming sticky and lovely.
So you wanna cook this for about one or two minutes and just smell it and when you can't smell that kind of that harsh kind of alcohol thing you know you know what I mean by that, when you put the old brandy on the Christmas pudding when it - it stops smelling like alcoholic, which is now basically.
You can start adding the stock and you'll just be left with all that lovely fragrance so just tip a bit of that in there.
So you want -for the perfect risotto you add a little bit of stock at a time.
And never anymore than that really.
And then as it cooks - it'll cook into it and you know it's kind of by stirring it - all the kind of risotto rice is kind of moving about and hitting each other.
And And is the heat quite high when you're doing that It's kind of - the heat's medium high if you have it too high the outside will be cooked and the middle will be like raw.
If it's too low it'll just go like pulp so you wanna medium kind heat you know so it's constant.
Think risottos are fantastic they take 20 minutes to make right yeah you've gotta put a bit of love and affection in there you've gotta stir it a little bit but big deal you know.
And once you've learnt this like say you just make a couple of risottos over a couple of weeks and you've cracked it yeah - you've cracked the risotto the basic risotto - next time you go shopping and you're a bit stuck well I can cook risotto so what's good having a little walk around spinach - baby spinach - fantastic throw that in at the end with a little bit of lemon juice beautiful - nice Parmesan over the top.
Asparagus - you know you can put any sea food open up like clams or you can just put 'em straight in.
How brilliant is that.
I tell you what I'm so hot I've got this dripping sheep on top of me.
Oh dear oh dear - so let's have a little taste of this now cos it's looking lovely.
How can you tell when it's nearly ready? Well I just got a rice grain and you eat it.
! And basically you want it to be soft and a pleasure to eat and if it's not if it's chalky or - or you feel like you need a glass of water after you've eaten it then no you cook it for longer.
So it needs about 2 more minutes cooking which is perfect cos I've got well I'm cheating but - who's gonna tell me off - I am at home.
Got some lovely - right they're defrosted.
Got some lovely frozen prawns which are really actually juicy and nice and tender yeah and they look lovely beautiful colour and they're already cooked anyway so they only just need to be like just cooked with the rest of the rice for two minutes and then I've got this petite pois and don't tell me who hasn't got these in their freezer cos just about everyone has unless they're food snobs in my eyes because frozen peas have got to be the most well they're the best frozen thing in the world aren't they.
And I guess you could use fresh prawns and Yeah yeah fresh prawns of course and I like I feel like I'm compromising but at the end of the day I'm only feeding me and you and it's you know it's not as if I've got the Michelin star guide coming round to give me a telling off.
So no - it's you know it's what's in my freezer and it's real.
I'm gonna add a little bit more stock and I think we're practically there and now I'm gonna turn the heat off.
This is the most important thing that I found in risotto yeah so we turned the gas off right no more heat.
And I wanna nice knob of butter, yeah so let's get that in there.
And that's just gonna kind of bring it all together and be absolutely tasty as put a knob of butter in there and just kind of knock it up a bit and just stir it in.
And we put a lid on and just leave it forget it for 2 minutes.
If you just serve it now the rice will go on the plate and the stock will go and you'll have a plate of and then you'll have a pile of rice.
But what you want is a nice ouzy so it's nice to eat.
What I want yeah just as a last thing I love all that - it's so fresh.
I've got mint from the garden yeah and mint's great - you just plant it it grows like the clappers.
You just cut the old boys right down and they grow back up again.
They've got no feelings at all they just keep growing.
But If you look at this now it is just so creamy and lovely, it's just ouzy you know it's not gonna - it's gonna be nice and juicy - let's have a look.
Mmm -just a touch of salt and pepper right - we do want it to be perfect.
No point in going to all this trouble and then you know it's a bit bland so I tell you what's amazing the amount of sweetness that comes out of those peas and prawns it's lovely.
So put that in the middle of the plate I've done a bit too much as always and then get your mint and from a height just kind of sprinkle it and it's lovely to get - almost like you've got the lovely flavour there, but you have a bit of freshness on top.
And now just squeeze this over the top yeah.
So there we go right what else do we need? Here - I've got some a really good peppery olive oil yeah just a little drizzle and that's just you know it's almost like a bit of pepper on top.
Taste that oh gorgeous one go on - do you like? It's delicious CHOCOLATE POT I'm gonna make er - a chocolate desert like we call it a chocolate pot yeah it's probably about the most simple chocolate thing in the world.
But the good thing about it right is cos the girls want chocolate and I'm not arguing with them at this time of night.
I've got half a pint of single cream yeah that I just pour in the old in the old pan.
I don't wanna bring it to the boil but I wanna bring it to a little simmer, so I'm gonna whack the old gas up and get it heating.
And most importantly - got chocolate 70% cocoa mass for cooking.
But if I put a whole chunk of chocolate in it's take half an hour to melt so by by smashing it up does a good job so there we go right I need some eggs.
I've got some lovely free range organic eggs -just stand them up for a laugh.
Basically what I wanna do is er just crack the eggs so I've got the egg yolks yeah I'm not using the egg whites so I'm gonna chuck those away, but basically the egg yolks I'll put in this dish - it just makes it really, really rich and like intensifies the chocolate flavour.
So this cream has been on the heat for about a minute - a minute and a half so it's dead quick really and that's the only bit of cooking that we've got to do.
So it's not boiling but it's pretty much like a well it's kind of like a simmer really.
So pop your old chocolate in right - let's get a spatula right and just stir this in and I love this bit because you see cream turn into like this pretty unbelievable thing.
The liquid's hot enough to melt the chocolate? Yeah just hot enough to melt the chocolate and also these egg yolks I'm gonna put in now as well and obviously eggs hardly need any cooking really, but you've gotta stir it while you're doing it cos you don't want scrambled eggs in your old chocolate.
The nice thing is that you can see it becoming like really, really smooth.
So now we've done that what do we need? - A bit of brandy mate.
Don't tell them about it cos I think they've had their fair share for this much I put about a tablespoon a tablespoon and a half yeah but the trick is cos all brandy's are different and I wouldn't use a cheap old horrible brandy, do something half decent.
But have a little - stir it in and have a little taste yeah because like brandy and chocolate is quite a nice combination.
But if you have loads of booze and you swallow and it's like oh horrible so.
So the brandy really is just for flavour? Mmm- yeah - little bit more.
The other thing you can is like grate like orange in a little bit of orange zest so it's like the chocolate orange effect mate.
Yeah Nothing better than the old chocolate orange.
Right the last thing I need I'm gonna put a little bit of butter yeah and sort of you know it's about 20 grams of butter but in layman's terms about a small knob of butter really.
It's purely there to sort of enrichen it and make it lovely and smooth and just kind of Is it salted or unsalted? That is actually slightly salted funnily enough chocolate can always do with a little little pinch of salt cos it actually benefits from being seasoned a little bit Do you really not mind coming home in the middle of the night and then cooking I can't think of anything I'd like less No, mate I've done worse - every time I go round someone's house for a dinner party I end up cooking even if I'm not cooking so it makes no odds to me mate.
Listen that's gone all nice and smooth now I like to put it in little expresso cups and fill 'em up with chocolate pour it in carefully - I'm sure I'm gonna get chocolate everywhere.
It sets really smooth and like just like the perfect thing ah no I spilt a bit you know it's not hard and horrible it's kind of very smooth and lovely.
Darling - we're starving I'm nearly done now but I've got to put 'em in the fridge.
Did you have a nice evening Jools? Yeah it was brilliant, we had a right laugh, really good I'm afraid we're really starving no pressure Oh that's alright But can we have that now? No no no - cos I've gotta put them in the fridge but you can have that Excellent - don't be long.
Easily pleased Look what I've got You could serve them very happily as they are, but I tell you what I do I do like a little little like lemon and palenter cookies but any like little crunchy kind of biscuits fantastic cos then you put 'em on the side of the old dish so you have three biscuits a bit of this teaspoon and it's nice cos you can kind of use the biscuit to sort of spoon it all up.
So there you go - about half an hour, forty minutes - so MIDNIGHT PAN COOKED BREAKFAST This is like probably the most unchefy thing I've ever done in my life right basically I invented this when I was about 16 years old yeah and what is was we used to go we got and we used to go down to the pubs and to have a drink right? And we weren't horrible little reckless little kids but we did you know take part in a bit of underage drinking and I had two very close friends that used to live quite nearby and they always used to come back for a bit of tucker.
So I developed this thing which I call now midnight pan at breakfast because you make it at midnight and it's cooked in a pan and it's breakfast kind of I've got a really nice non stick pan and that's quite important for this recipe I think.
And I'm gonna put the sausages in there.
Is it very hot? It's like a medium high heat - if it's too hot everything gets kind of coloured and cooked far too quick and it's raw in the middle well like I hate eggs when they're cooked and they've got a black kind of that horrible teary film on the bottom and big bubbles you know a medium sort of high constant heat's good.
Well I'm starting off with the sausages cos they need more cooking yeah so the second thing we need is er yeah mushrooms.
So I've got some mushrooms and tomatoes here yeah so got these lovely like field mushrooms which are fantastic just turn it up a little bit.
Just - you can see - the sausages are getting nice and brown and I slice the mushrooms quite thick about a centimetre thick yeah sort of like that.
And actually if you cook field mushrooms well and you don't put too many in a pan right they taste so fantastic.
You can use any mushrooms you like just don't use button mushrooms which I think are like the worst mushroom in the world so as soon as you put 'em in cos they're a little bit like sponges toss 'em over and they get all that they get all that lovely juice as well and kind of make one layer.
What we doing next? I'm gonna cut these tomatoes in half yeah and I'm just gonna like put them cut side down in the pan and like all this is cooking at the same time.
Like this is the easiest fry up cos you can see it all happening and like as long as you get your orders right you know your sausages cos they take longer then your mushroom, then your tomato then get your bacon in and as long as you get that right it's it's just easy peasy.
So I've got some nice bacon here and this is dry cured bacon pretty normal bacon from the supermarket and you can feel it's dry cos it's not got all the horrible water in it doesn't shrink so much you know.
So like people do cook things really badly and I've honestly I've been to some of the poshest hotels and had the most expensive and the worst fry ups of my whole live.
You know - how at 28 quid for a fry up and it's like You know I'd much rather go down the greasy spoon and get an alright one for 2 quid you now.
We want the bacon to be nice and crispy so while that's happening I've got the grill on and I'm gonna do some nice thick chunky bread.
I like thick - you know thick toast oh it's beautiful.
Here what you up to? Just getting some orange for the girls.
How's it going? Lovely! - Right so I'm gonna whack the old toast in now Babe can you get us some butter out of the fridge and butter some toast for me? I can get it out the fridge but I'm not buttering it - I've got guests.
Do you hear that? - Did you hear that? See this is what I'm in my house for What did she say? No to be honest I'm looking after the guests.
Dear oh dear.
Look at the old tomatoes now - they've gone nice and brown yeah look at that.
Now this is the trick right It's alright - it's me.
Things like pine nuts and toast I always forget.
And I burn Right get the toast in So basically this is the clever bit now what we have to do is jingle and jungle everything up so every little area side to side middle to middle - everything's gotta a bit of everything do you know what I mean.
What we're gonna do - we're gonna crack the eggs in and just kind of angle it so the whites kind of go a little bit everywhere and what we do is we do it sort of from side to side and what happens is it kind of sticks everything together which sounds repulsive but believe you me at 12 o'clock at night it sounds beautiful.
And means that you can like cook it and then put it on to a big plate and it holds it's like a big frisbie mate.
It's like obviously very classy and then you put a little bit of pepper over the edge yeah I'm really pleased with that and then oh Gawd Alright - right so toast nearly burnt but it's blooming good perfect cooking for me.
Right so - what happens now is now now the bottom's had a you know it's perfect cooking - I'm just gonna pop it under the grill for literally 30 seconds just so the top of the eggs get nice and coloured so we're done - let's get Let's put the thing on there, lovely I keep the eggs nice and soft, and there we go, that is the world's best fry up.
Don't tell me if I serve that to the Queen right I tell you what she will be chuffed me old mate.
Right girls come on