The Nanny s06e01 Episode Script

Previously on "The Nanny" ( romantic music ) ( Fran chuckles ) Oh, my God, Fran, you look exquisite in this moonlight.
Well, after 29, a girl's best light is candle and/or moon.
I love you, my darling.
I love you.
Don't move.
Don't move an inch.
I want to remember you just like this.
- Let me get a camera.
- Okay.
Don't forget to put the red eye on.
( Water splashing ) Fran, I Fran? Darling? Fran! Miss Fine! Fran: Mr.
Sheffield! Max: Oh, no, hang on darling! I'm coming.
( Groaning ) ( knocking on door ) Sylvia: Hello! Oh, God.
Sylvia, they're on their honeymoon.
Your daughter is not here.
Why are you? I smell bacon.
Well, it must be coming from next door.
Well, I don't know them.
Oh, I had so much to drink at the reception.
I had the strangest nightmare that Santa Claus was trying to have his way with me.
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! We didn't, did we? Well, I'm not sure.
Say Ho! Ho! Ho! No one can ever know that this might possibly have happened.
Well, it ain't goin' on my résumé.
Well, of course, I can't talk if my mouth is full.
- I'll make omelet.
- I'll make pancakes.
( Phone ringing ) Sheffield residence.
What? It's the Coast Guard.
The Coast Guard? Why would they call? The yacht reached its first port and neither Mr.
Sheffield nor your daughter were on board.
What does that mean? They think they might have fallen off the ship.
Oh, my God.
They found Mr.
Sheffield's shoes and robe strewn on the deck.
Well, that doesn't prove anything.
Beside an untouched tray of hors-d'oeuvres.
My daughter is dead! Oh, Sylvia.
Sylvia, dear, dear.
She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens Till her boyfriend kicked her out in one of those crushing scenes What was she to do, where was she to go, she was out on her fanny So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffield's door She was there to sell make up but the father saw more She had style, she had flair, she was there, that's how she became the Nanny Who would have guessed that the girl we described was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? Now, the father finds her beguiling Watch out, C.
C.
And the kids are actually smiling such joie de vivre She's the lady in red when everybody else is wearing tan The flashy girl from Flushing, the Nanny named Fran.
Ah! Oh! Oh oh, my God! Oh, my God! What happened? Oh, thank God! Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, please, God, no.
Oh, yes! Oh, yes, oh, yes! Oh, sweetie! Sweetie! Oh, wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up, honey! You're hurting me, sweetheart.
Oh, thank God you're okay.
Oh, I love you! Oh, can you stand? Oh, sweetie! Oh, oh, it's a miracle we both stayed afloat! Well, you know I had help because I was wearing a padded So where do you think we are, anyway? I don't know.
I don't know.
The important thing is, are you all right? Oh, yes, yes.
Are you? Yes, yes, I'm fine.
I'm all here Well, that is, except my Rolex.
Oh, sweetie, who cares about that? Those are just material things.
The important thing is that your wife lost her diamond! Oh, my God! My diamond! My diamond! Oh, wait, here it is.
Oh, it turned around and flipped around.
I've got it.
I got it.
Who the hell am I talking to? There's nobody here.
We're alone on this island! Darling, calm down.
Calm down.
We don't know anything yet.
Now come on, let's just take a little walk around.
I'm sure we'll be able to find some help.
Oh! Honey, honey, take it easy.
I'm wearing my slipper pumps.
How on Earth did you manage to hold on to those? They cost a fortune! I clenched! I don't believe these reporters.
They've got the entire street blocked.
Oh, look, that pizza kid can't even get his bike through.
Why don't you animals leave us alone? I can't believe this is happening.
I know.
Yesterday we were at their wedding and now they're gone.
Hey, come on.
Look.
Now they're gonna find 'em and they're gonna bring 'em home.
And until then, I'm the man of the house, so I'm in charge.
- Now, Niles - Sir.
What do we do if mommy and daddy don't come home? I don't know.
I pretend to know everything, but I'm just the butler.
I'm nothing without him.
What's going to happen to me? He must have watched "The Dresser" again.
Why hasn't the Coast Guard called us already? Something is wrong.
Very, very wrong.
I always had a strong psychic connection with my daughter, but now I don't feel anything! Oh, don't worry, Sylvia.
Everything's gonna be okay.
She's right.
You just think good thoughts.
How can you be so calm? Your daddy could be dead! ( Sobbing ) Oh, girls.
Gir now.
Girls! Try not to worry.
Ah, perfect.
The grieving family.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
We all wanted to thank the public for their support.
And we know in our hearts that they're okay.
Like the character says in our revival of "Bye Bye Birdie," currently at the 45th Street theatre.
Box office opens at 8:00am.
They've got a lot of living to do.
Cut.
Okay, let's try one without the kids.
Honey, I went to the forest and I picked us up some berries and some Charmin.
- Wait! Don't! Don't.
Wait.
- Why? How do we know those aren't poisonous? Oh.
I guess we don't unless someone tries it first.
Both: Niles! So, sweetheart, what do you think? Oh, wow.
You know, as a second house, I think that it is just gorgeous, and, well maybe it's just me, but don't you think that all this bamboo is sort of competing with the view a little bit? Well, it's a shelter, sweetheart.
It's to protect us from the elements.
I see.
But, um, what are people going to think when they pull up of the couple that lives inside? That they're alone and abandoned on a deserted island.
Now I need one more palm frond for the powder room, so if you wouldn't mind Sarcasm I don't really need.
( Wincing ) ( crying ) The heel of my shoe broke, honey.
And it's the first pair that I ever bought retail.
- There, there darling.
- Oh, sweetie.
I hate this honeymoon so much.
I mean, where is my little complimentary aloha cocktail? Where is the little hangers without the hooks that don't work at home? And where is my $20 toast with the little jellies that I can never open? Oh, well, darling.
Darling! Sweetheart.
You know you are doing an awful lot of complaining.
Huh? Well, sweetheart, we have to keep this fire going through the night, so why don't you run off and find some twigs, hmm? All right, I'll find you little twigs.
Oy, I never worked this hard for him when I worked for him.
Very hot.
And it's a wet heat.
I'm getting bitten up alive.
A house with no view.
All right! That's it! That is it.
Will you stop it? Will you just stop it? Now I'll get us through this thing if you'll do what I tell you when I tell you to do it.
I'm sick of you tripping all the time, so get rid of this bloody thing.
Ooh! Ooh.
Ooh! Now will you go and get some more sticks for the fire? All right.
Max: Oh, my darling.
I've waited so long for this moment.
Fran: Oh, you've waited so long.
Oh, oh Max: Oh, oh, my darling, oh ow, something bit me! Fran: Sorry.
Now, order me around some more.
No, sweetheart, I'm serious.
Something just bit me.
Sweetie, I'm lying on a starfish and I'm not complaining.
It's nothing, sweetie.
Don't panic.
It's just a little bite.
Darling, half my body's going numb.
- Oh, my God! Which half? - The lower half.
( Screams ) Oh, stay awake, honey.
Stay awake.
Don't go unconscious, please.
You'll be okay.
I feel terrible.
I feel so sick.
Oh, sweetie.
Fortunately, I know exactly how to deal with this, because the same exact thing happened to Snapper on "The Young and the Restless.
" And Sally had to suck out all of his poison.
Oh, I remember because it was sweeps and there was, everything was going haywire.
Mrs.
Chancellor was getting her facelift on national television, but they paid for it Ah, sweetheart, sweetheart, I'm dying.
Oh, I'm going.
I'm going.
Honey, how will I know where the bite is? Ohh! Oh, it's okay.
It's not so bad.
Remember, sweetheart.
Don't swallow.
It could kill you.
You mean my mother was right? Miss Babcock! Miss Babcock! Miss Babcock! It's been over a week.
Have you gotten any reports from the Coast Guard? I'm afraid not.
But I am certain that Maxwell Sheffield is still alive.
Miss Babcock.
Isn't it true that you were in love with him yourself and felt that it should have been your wedding? - No! - Excuse me, dear.
Isn't it true, dear, that you were so bitter, dear, that you wished them both to die a miserable and horrible death? No! You can tell the truth, my child, and the truth will set you free and that's the truth of it.
All right, it's true! It's true.
I wished it! I wished them dead! I'm sorry.
It's my fault.
I confess.
I'm sorry! Murderer! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry! I'm sorry! Miss Babcock.
Miss Babcock! Oh! I had a dream about Maxwell and Nanny Fine.
You had a dream about my daughter? Why can't I have a dream about her? Why can't I get a feeling on her? I feel nothing.
( crying ) This is my fault.
Don't you see? I wished it to happen.
Oh, Miss Babcock, please! If just wishing could make someone dead then well.
Do I really need to complete the thought? Why hasn't the Coast Guard called? I'm gonna call Morty and tell him to bring my nightgown.
- I'm sleeping over.
- Oh, is that really necessary? Well, actually, I could sleep in the nude.
But there's the boy.
If the Coast Guard won't find them, then I will! C.
C.
Babcock doesn't give up.
I have stuck by Maxwell through 16 girlfriends and two dead wives.
One dead wife.
I will find Maxwell Sheffield.
And? I'll bring him home.
You've got to give a little Take a little And let your poor heart Break a little That's the story of That's the glory of love As long as there's the two of us We've got the world and all its charms And when the world is through with us We've got each other's arms You've got to win a little Lose a little Darling, I'm feeling so much better.
Oh.
Where? You know what I think I'm ready for? The same thing that I'm ready for, God willing? Oh, Max, I was so scared I was gonna lose you.
No.
You're never gonna lose me.
I love you so much.
I love you.
That's the story of That's the glory of love.
I'm afraid we have to start heading back now.
What? You told me this egg beater could stay up for six hours at a time.
I'm sorry, ma'am, the more weight you carry, the more fuel you burn.
You see anything? If, ah, she were, say, to fall out, how much time would that buy us? I heard that.
Well, this is your fault.
You had to come and bring this big bag of candy.
My blood sugar drops at high altitude.
It's prescription dark chocolate.
You and your stupid family had to come into our lives, didn't ya? Well, why don't you go back to the nut house where you belong? ( Arguing ) Ladies.
Ladies, please! Your loved ones are missing.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I just can't connect with my daughter.
I can't get a feeling if she's alive.
I can't feel if she's in pain.
I can't feel.
Fran: Oh! Oh, Max! Fran: Max, Max, Max, Max Fran: Oh, Mr.
Sheffield! Wait! I got a feeling, she's alive! And she's happy.
Well, really, what choice did I have? I mean, it was either watch the man that I love die or suck the poison.
And you know how I know how to do this, don't you? Because she'd seen it on "The Young and the Restless," where Sally had sucked the poison out of Snapper after he'd found out he was Well, um, why don't you tell the story, darling? You tell it so much better than I do.
Well, what's the point, really.
It's already been told, hasn't it? Sir, it's just so good to have you back.
I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't returned.
Probably take the jacket that goes with my pants.
Oh, sir.
There's a jacket? We were so scared.
We thought we'd never see you guys again.
Oh, my God, we thought about you guys every single second.
You were all we had on our minds.
Absolutely.
Consumed our every thought.
Um, you know what, kids? We love you guys so very much, but would you mind if we finish the rest of this in the morning? I mean, your father and I are just exhausted.
- Yes, it was such an ordeal.
- Oy.
I'm not even sure I'm going to be able to drag myself up the stairs.
He's so tired.
Ah, we'll talk in the morning.
In the morning.
- Good night.
- Good night! We love you, guys.
( Growls ) ( sensual music playing ) ( jazz music playing )