The Neighborhood (2018) s03e02 Episode Script

Welcome to the Election

1 Here you go, Miss Kim.
Fresh off the griddle.
Thank you, Dave.
I'm so glad you decided to run against Isaiah Evans.
That man plays dirty.
And I know, 'cause I play dirty, too.
Okay, well, that's, uh tha-that's good to know.
If you want something good come by my house tonight.
Bring the maple syrup.
Careful, Dave.
She made that same offer to Marty when he ran for student council.
Really? Poor kid hasn't eaten a pancake since.
Hey, I got to say, this turnout is better than I expected.
I know.
People are really starting to listen to my ideas.
Budget reform, zoning regulations, traffic abatement.
Yeah, I've heard them.
That's why I said it's a better turnout than I expected.
Cal, look, it's Isaiah.
What's he doing here? If he's trying to get old Miss Kim's vote, he can have it.
Hey, Dave Johnson, Calvin Butler.
How you two doing this morning? How does it look like we're doing? All these people here are to support my boy, Dave.
Yeah, and it's because of my ideas, not my signature smiley-face pancakes.
Hey, when I win, maybe I'll appoint you Secretary of Flapjacks.
What-what are you doing here, besides getting Dave's hopes up for a fake pancake job? Look, I just stopped by to wish him best of luck at the debate tonight.
What debate tonight? The one I challenged you to a month ago.
You didn't challenge me to any debate.
I didn't? Oh.
Hold up, let me check my e-mail.
Ah, my bad.
I forgot to press send.
No, no, I can't believe you.
This is just another one of your dirty tri Hold on, I'm getting an e-mail.
Damn it! What the hell, Isaiah? You can't challenge him to a debate on the same day, and expect him to show up.
Well, that's too bad.
There's gonna bea lot of people there.
And if you don't show up, you're gonna look like a coward.
See you tonight, Secretary.
Calvin, what am I supposed to do? This is a disaster.
I don't know, I mean, whether it's Isaiah or Miss Kim, you gonna get a spanking tonight.
- I can't believe this.
- Ugh.
How could Isaiah ambush me with a debate? Ooh, it makes me so mad.
When stuff like this happens, it makes me want to fight for Dave.
Don't worry, you are.
You're doing everything you can to help him win.
No, I mean literally fight.
I want to punch Isaiah in the face till I can't feel my hand anymore.
I told you, Tina, that girl got some hood in her.
What am I supposed to do? I need at least a month to prepare for a debate, not six hours.
Actually, it's four hours.
Damn it! Now my watch is broken, too.
Sweetie, don't worry.
You have got a million great ideas.
You are gonna get up there and you're gonna knock them dead.
Oh, okay, yeah, may-maybe you're right.
You know, first I’ll-I'll warm them up with my - plans for school funding and then - Yeah.
Then I'll hit them with my parks safety initiative and then and then I'll blow them away with my with my community recycling project.
- Ooh, they will not see that coming.
- All right! What do you guys think? Um, it's a little Boring as hell.
Look, Dave, the community needs a guy like you, but if you want to win over voters around here, you're gonna have to give them a show.
What part of "Neighborhood Composting Club" doesn't scream "showtime"? Uh, Dave, Isaiah may not have much substance, but he knows how to work a crowd.
If you want to compete with him, you got to bring the heat.
Yeah, you got to be less mayonnaise and more hot sauce.
What's wrong with mayonnaise? It's what brings a baloney sandwich to life.
Trust me, you're gonna need to add a little flash and a little swag.
If you want to talk about school funding How about this? We got to fund schools or graduate fools! Whoa, okay that was actually really good.
Yeah, did you just come up with that? I'm like a dragon, guys I just spit fire.
Okay, well, come on, man.
Burn my village down.
All right, check this out.
We can't be safe in the park, if it's too damn dark.
Ooh! Or recycle your trash, and we'll give you some cash.
But that one's not true.
Doesn't matter, it rhymes.
I'm sold.
- Isaiah's going down tonight.
- Oh, oh! That's what I'm talking about, baby give me some.
- Yeah! - Yuck! How do you always do it where your knuckle goes right in between mine? The neighborhood will be saved if you vote for Dave He's bringing policies that you all should crave Polls open at 8:00, so don't be late Just vote for Dave, it's gonna be great, hey Vote for Dave, got to vote for Dave, yeah-yeah, vote for Dave - You got to vote for Dave - Marty, Marty? What the hell are you doing? Besides ruining hip-hop for a nine-year-old? We-We were doing a live stream to encourage young people to get out and vote for Dave.
Oh, okay, well, how many viewers you got? Three.
And they're saying you ruined hip-hop for them, too.
All right, look, look, I like what you're going for, but if you're trying to get eyes on your video, you're going about this the wrong way.
Look, I know what you're gonna say, Malcolm, but I'm not taking my top off.
No, man.
Listen, there's only one surefire way to get lots of attention online.
Okay, and what's that? To film yourself doing something incredibly stupid, and if you get hurt doing it, it could go viral.
Marty's rapping definitely hurt me.
Yeah, well, I'm talking about one of those online stunts You know, like riding down the stairs in a shopping cart or jumping off a roof into a swimming pool.
I've seen these videos where people eat really hot peppers They're awesome.
Great idea.
Yeah, we can do that while we tell people to vote for Dave.
Well, all right, I'm in! Okay.
But our three viewers say you should definitely keep your shirt on.
Ooh! Dave Johnson.
Nice suit.
I've never seen someone so dull look so sharp.
You won't be seeing anything with your eyes swollen shut.
No, no, easy, Gemma, easy.
Now let's go inside.
Damn, Calvin, you were right, she hood as hell.
I got to admit, Dave, I didn't think you'd show up.
If I would've known I would've brought my PJs and a pillow.
Oh, it's you.
Well, I hope you're ready for a bedtime snack, because I'm working with some pretty spicy mayo tonight.
Oh, yeah, this baloney sandwich got flavor you can savor.
You know what, give him a taste of that spicy spread.
We got to fund the schools or graduate fools.
Facts! We can't be safe in the park if it's too damn dark.
Ooh! Goosebumps.
If you recycle your trash, we will give you some cash.
Oh, give me a bite of that baloney sandwich.
All right, all right, Johnson, it sounds like we are gonna have some fun up there, hmm.
Ooh, and, Calvin, enjoy your mouthful of Dave's baloney.
Hi, Pasadena, I'm Marty Butler and don't worry, - I'm keeping my shirt on.
- Mm-hmm.
And I am Malcolm Butler and we are here on behalf of Dave Johnson for city council.
And to show you how far we're willing to go to get your vote, we're both gonna eat these tombstone ghost peppers Aka one of the hottest peppers in the world.
That is right, and these bad boys are, like, ten times hotter than a jalapeño.
Yeah, try 600.
Say what now? Whoa, this is gonna be even stupider than I thought.
What, you said, like, 600? That's right, and we're doing it all for Dave Johnson.
On three one - Okay, here we go.
- Two - I can do this! - Three! Oh, I can't do it! What? Malcolm, what the hell? We were both supposed to do it Oh God, it's starting! Okay, ladies and gentlemen, if everyone will please take their seats, we're ready to begin.
Councilman Evans, would you like to start with your opening statement? Thank you.
Now, y'all know me.
You know that I care deeply about the issues that affect our community.
And there is no issue that I care about more about than the education of our children.
That's why I've always said You got to fund the schools, or graduate fools.
What?! Calvin, that was your line.
I know, right? Goosebumps.
My people, can we talk? Now tell me, is this a safe space? You know what else I'd like to make safe? The park.
Because you can't be safe in the park if it's too damn dark.
Huh? That is my line.
You stole my li You're clapping for me and you don't know it.
That is that is sad, saying that I recycled his line.
But while we are on the topic of recycling, you know what I've always said.
If you recycle your trash, I will give you some cash! That's it, Isaiah.
My fist is about to vote for your face! Don't worry, Dave.
I got him.
Hey, baldy! We'll see you in the parking lot.
What am I supposed to do? He stole all my lines.
Look, don't worry, I got a plan.
Okay, well, what is it? Okay, so I don't have a plan.
But the good news is is neither does Isaiah.
He just used up all our catchphrases, which means from this point on, he's got nothing.
Now, uh, that little commotion certainly was entertaining, was it not? But I tell you what, it's not as entertaining as this.
Hit it! Hey, hey, hey, hey, whoo It's too damn dark We got to light that park It's too damn dark, we got to light the park Come on, light the park Light the park Okay, but after this, he's got nothing.
Oh, God, I'm burning up.
I'm hot in places I didn't know heat could happen.
Yeah, uh, speaking of heat, Dave Johnson has plenty of it, and with your support, we can push him over the top.
Anything to add, Marty? I need water! This is great.
We're up to 500 viewers.
Oh, that's awesome, man.
And we'll get way more when Marty finds out that water only makes it worse.
Oh The water only made it worse! This is amazing! We're getting a ton of comments.
Are they saying they're gonna vote for your dad? Actually, most of them are calling you a giant coward.
Totally agree.
You know what? Fine.
Show you who a coward is.
Dave Johnson for city council.
I don't know why you did all that whining, 'cause it's Oh, my God.
Oh And it only gets so much worse.
Throw your hands in the air And wave 'em like you just don't care If you love me like I love me Everybody say, "Oh, yeah" - Oh, yeah - Isaiah Isaiah I'm-a light the park, light the park It's too damn dark, it's too damn dark I'm-a light the park, light the park It's too damn dark, it's too damn dark, uh-ruh.
Sit down! Sit down! This is a debate.
You're not supposed to be enjoying yourselves.
People say that politics is boring.
And speaking of boring, here's Dave.
Okay, you know what? Uh, Dave Thank you.
You mind if I ask Councilman Evans a few questions before you start? By all means.
And, uh, please, feel free to take your time.
Okay, Calvin.
What would you like to know? You know, before your song and dance routine, you were talking about school funding.
Now, I'm sure we can all agree that the catchphrases were genius.
But I'm curious How do you plan to pay for it? Mm.
That is a good question.
But, uh, the answer is very complicated, and I wouldn't want to bore you with all the details.
That's Dave's job.
Well, maybe it's because you don't have any answers.
But you know who does? Dave.
Spit fire on 'em, Dave.
Uh, well, for starters, the budget could easily be amortized, and since the fiscal calendar starts in June, - which, actually - Okay.
You-you know what? That's enough fire.
That's enough fire.
But you hear it, right? Dave has a real plan, and Isaiah's got nothing.
Uh-uh, uh-uh.
I have a plan.
Then let's hear it.
Uh No, no, no.
Without rhyming or dancing.
Yeah, Councilman.
I would like to hear your thoughts about the budget.
Well, because you mentioned the fiscal calendar, I would like to know are there any birthdays in the house? See? Come on.
It's like I said, guys nothing.
So what we have to decide is do we want a flashy song and dance man or someone who has actual good ideas? You mean like my plan to light up our parks using solar power? Ooh! Solar power.
You know what that means.
No light bill.
That's right, that's ri And guess what we can recycle those savings back into? Recycling.
Oh, goodness, come on.
This guy is talking about saving the planet.
And I don't know about y'all, but I love Earth.
It's where I'm from.
Hey, hey, hey.
Now, hold on, everybody.
He's not the only one from Earth.
No, he is not.
We are all from Earth.
And together, I believe that we can make our little part of it better for everyone.
Because in District Three, you deserve the best.
And if you elect me your next city councilman, I promise to work my butt off to make that happen.
Oh, Dave! Dave! Dave, mic drop.
Mic drop! Very sorry about that.
That was my first-ever mic drop.
I don't understand.
When are they gonna announce the results? I know, this is crazy.
I mean, the polls have been closed for over I got to get this watch fixed.
Sweetie, calm down.
We've done all we can do.
Yeah, she's right, Dave.
I mean, you killed Isaiah at the debate.
And everybody loved that video of yours.
Yeah, and I still can't believe how many people watched it.
Yeah, we even got a standing ovation when our ambulance got to the E.
Dad, look, they’re announcing the results.
And turning to some of the local races, we have results for Pasadena City Council.
In District One, Kathleen Conrad keeps her seat.
District One? Why would they start with that one first? In District Two, Daniel Ramirez has defeated incumbent Bob Billings.
Okay, we're District Three.
Here we go, we're next.
In District Four Betty McBride unseats Patrick Yang.
And in District Three - Oh, this is it.
- All right, here we go, man.
In what turned out to be a surprisingly close contest, challenger Dave Johnson has lost to longtime councilman Isaiah Evans.
- What?! - But you ran rings around him.
- What the Man - Ugh.
Dave, you okay? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm okay.
I just I can't believe it.
I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Yeah, Dave.
We all are.
Guys, it-it's okay.
It's like y'all said, you know, we did everything we could.
I'm just gonna go out and get some air.
Uh, Marty, are you crying? Oh, not because of this.
It's been happening off and on since I ate that hot pepper.
Hey, man.
Just thought I’d come check on you.
I'm fine.
I'm just disappointed.
Yeah, I know.
So am I.
I just don't get it.
Everyone at the debate saw that Isaiah had nothing, and he still won.
I know it's frustrating, man, but you ran a hell of a race.
I mean, think about it.
When you first started, everybody said you didn't have a chance.
Who said that? Well, first it was me, but, uh I didn't think it was gonna catch on.
I just really wanted to make a difference, Calvin.
But instead, I feel like I wasted everyone's time.
What are you talking about? You did make a difference.
No, I didn't.
I lost.
Look, no, what you did was put Isaiah on notice.
I mean, a lot of people around here finally realized that he hasn't done anything for them in a long time, and that they should expect more from him.
So if he plans on keeping his job, he's gonna have to follow through on all those great ideas he stole from you.
You think so? Hell yeah, I do.
Look, Dave, you may not have won tonight, but the community did.
And that's what you set out to do.
You're a good friend, Calvin.
You're right.
I am.
Come on, man.
Everybody’s inside waiting on you.
Nah, you go in.
I'm gonna hang out here for a minute.
- You sure? - Yeah.
Hey, Dave.
I heard someone needs some cheering up.
Oh, no, no.
You better get inside.
Go, go, go, go.
You stay there, Ms.
No, no.
You didn't get Marty and you're not gonna get Dave.

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