The Neighborhood (2018) s04e10 Episode Script

Welcome to Jury Duty

1 Ho! Hold on, Calvin.
Got your mail.
Brother, I'm glad you got a job.
But nobody cares about the damn mail anymore.
It's packages.
People want packages.
Ooh, the mail is here! All right.
What do you got for me today, Randall? Pennysaver? Grocery store coupons? Address labels that I did not order but still very much appreciate? See, was that so hard? Bills, bills bill Oh, hold up.
- Ooh, something good? - No.
It's a summons to report for jury duty.
I got one, too.
Yes! W Wouldn't it be fun if we ended up on the same trial? Not gonna happen because I never saw this.
H-Hold on.
Calvin, the system will fall apart if we don't do our civic duty.
Well, I'm not trying to be in the system.
Next thing you know, I'm drafted in some hot-ass foreign country, hopscotching over land mines.
Okay, Calvin, you can't just ignore an official government document.
You know, my uncle did that once and it did not end well for him.
Let me guess.
He couldn't be the Grand Marshal at the Pumpkin Parade? Well, yes.
He was devastated.
But, you know, he also had to pay a $1,500 fine.
That's pretty steep, but I'll take my chances.
And he spent five days in the county jail.
So either I send someone to jail or I go to jail? Well, it looks like, one way or the other, I'm gonna be doing time.
Can you believe that we could end up on the same trial? I mean, what are the odds? Hopefully impossible.
Good morning, everyone.
On behalf of the City of Pasadena, thank you all for doing your civic duty.
Without you, the system would fall apart.
Ah, see.
He gets it.
We'll start with asking a few questions to see if you can be fair and impartial.
- Juror number six? - Oh, hi.
I'm juror number six, but you can call me Dave.
No one cares, Dave.
I love jury duty.
I'm a big believer in the whole judicial system.
It's the foundation of our civilization.
So if you need any jurors for, I don't know, an upcoming trial, I'm in the system.
Thank you.
I'm fine with juror number six.
See, she gets it, too.
Moving on.
Juror number five, would you have any problems being fair or impartial? Oh! Uh Yes.
I have a problem with the whole judicial system.
It's designed to incarcerate young brothers and sisters.
Well, for-for the most part.
Anything else that might exclude you from being on this trial? Yes.
I am pro crime.
I am pro anti-crime.
I'm pro police, I am pro defund the police.
And to top it all off, this annoying guy next to me is my neighbor, so Uh, no, sorry, uh, actually, we're best friends.
Even worse, right? So I can understand why you would need to disqualify me.
Do you validate? Actually, none of those things are disqualifying for this case.
Really? So what would disqualify me? Because I'm sure I can be pro that, as well.
I'm fine with juror number five.
What? A-Anybody want to switch? How great is it that the guys got jury duty together the same week I have winter break? Gives us a chance to deliberate over this rosé.
And binge-watch our Ladies Who Kill shows.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ah, to wine and crime.
Hey, Mom.
Is it okay if Malcolm and I raid your fridge? Well, what's wrong with your fridge? Uh, remember I told you we rented out our house for a few days to a production company? Yeah, they're shooting a small indie movie.
It covers this month's rent and allows us to take a couple sick days.
Ooh, a movie.
Maybe we'll get a chance to meet a star.
Not to brag, but you've kind of already met one.
Who? Me! I starred in Beauty and the Beast in high school.
Tale as old As time Song as old as rhyme Beauty and the Beast.
Why don't you be our guest and never do that again.
Well, uh, what are they filming at your house? Oh, well, uh, we don't know.
Our rental contract says that we can't bother them.
Yeah, they wouldn't even let us in our own kitchen.
But, luckily, we can bother you.
Well, you know, we didn't sign any contract.
So what's stopping us from going over there and checking it out? - That is a great idea.
- See? And who knows? Maybe I'll finally get discovered.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we will prove that this defendant is not an innocent elderly shopper, but is a professional shoplifter.
We have her on camera driving away with thousands of dollars - of stolen merchandise.
- Guilty! What, too soon? Yes, Calvin, way too soon.
Uh, Your Honor, request to have my friend's outburst stricken from the record.
No, you're not a lawyer.
No, he is not.
But I have watched over 200 episodes of Law & Order.
And I'm sure you can agree with me, Judge, that this whole thing seems like a mistrial.
And if you watch that much Law & Order, you'd know that I'm the only one who could say that.
Sit down.
Hey, hey! Hi, hi.
My name is Tina - and this is my friend Gemma, and - And we were wondering, um, if you need any more actors to be in your movie, because - we're pros.
- Yeah.
Well, you two are perfect mom types.
I guess I could use you, if you don't mind walking back and forth in the background for five hours in the hot sun for free.
We'll take it! Great.
See you on set.
Oh, my God! - We're gonna be in a movie! - Yes! - Hey.
- Hey.
- What's going on? - Hi.
We just stopped by to check on the house.
Yeah, and help ourselves to some free food.
Sorry to bother you.
Bother not.
I'm Jasmine.
Can you tell me where the set is? Um, it's this house right here.
Uh Hey.
Um, I'm really into that.
Uh, Mantamaji comics, not your breasts.
Um I have the same thing.
The-the shirt, not breasts.
Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay, let me, let me jump in here.
Um, this is my very single and eligible son Marty.
He gets a little flustered around beautiful women.
Mama! But she is not wrong.
At least he didn't run into a tree this time.
Okay! Uh, I do have, uh I do have some trouble with English around lovely ladies.
Too bad you don't speak Klingon.
She speaks Klingon.
They're talking about babies! I know the word for babies in every language - in the universe! - Shh! - Oh - They're talking about babies! I say we get this thing over with.
I vote guilty.
Okay, not so fast.
Now, first, we need to choose a foreman.
So let's go around the room and have each person discuss I say Dave does it.
Show of hands.
Thank you for your vote of confidence.
I will not let you down.
So now can I vote guilty? Well, as your newly elected foreman, I feel like we need to discuss all aspects of the case before we vote.
How long is this gonna take? Well, not long, but we should probably order dinner.
And maybe breakfast.
Uh, who wants to recall Dave as foreman? Show of hands.
Put your hands down, you jokers.
Okay, now, before we start, I feel like we should carefully review all of the rules.
Now, according to the bailiff, we press this button once if we have a question, twice if we reach a verdict, and three times if, well, there's an emergency.
Well, somebody press it three times, because Dave is about to have an emergency! Oh, oh, hey, no.
Marty, thanks for lunch.
Ah, not a problem.
That Mars rover can guide itself for an hour.
I hope.
Jasmine, these last few days have been amazing.
I've never connected with someone so quickly.
It's almost like we're perfect for each other.
I feel the same way.
All right.
Now, are-are you sure it's okay for me to stay here and watch? Of course.
I'm the star.
And you're my guest.
Go over there.
- Quiet on set.
- Quiet on set.
And action.
Coming! You order a pizza? Extra sausage? I sure did.
And I'm hungry for more than just pizza.
Are you two ready? Are you kidding? I've been dreaming about this since I was a little girl.
You'd be surprised how often I hear that.
You know, when we're done shooting, I am gonna let you sample my cupcakes.
Honey, you already got the job.
- Let's get to work.
- Okay.
Ooh! This is so fun.
- Yes.
- I can't believe he hired us to walk the streets.
I know.
You know, I cannot wait until my church sees me - in this movie.
- Oh, yeah! - What? - Oh! - Let's go.
Let's hit it.
- Okay.
This case is open and shut, Tina.
Dave had us deliberating for three days.
I didn't commit a crime.
Why am I being punished? You know, Dave is right.
You need to take your job as a juror more seriously.
You can't take this for granted.
You know, there was a time they wouldn't even let Black people on juries.
Yes, you know, I agree.
And it's still some of that going on.
But I did my three days! Okay, all right, baby.
Just imagine if it were you on trial.
Or even worse.
What if it were our boys? Don't let the system work without you.
I hate it when you agree with Dave.
I hate it even more when I agree with Dave.
So cameras are here and here.
So she walks past the perfume counter.
"Uh, no, thank you, ma'am.
I already have that one.
" She comes on down past luggage.
And she knew she wasn't gonna get that in her purse, right? She goes on down past women's accessories.
Then though the Chanel display.
Hold up.
Hold up! That's it! Justice is blind.
What's wrong, little bro? Ah, did they make Pluto a planet again? Worse.
I found out what kind of movie they're shooting.
And it is not good.
Okay, well, maybe they can fix it in editing.
I don't think they do a lot of editing in these movies.
Aah! Don't sit there.
Or there.
And definitely not there! They are shooting an adult film in our house.
When you say adult film, do you mean The name of the movie was Missionary Impossible.
Well, bow chicka wow wow! Oh, look, whatever, Marty.
All we have to do is boil the house.
Oh, and, uh, make sure Mama don't find out 'cause, you know, she will shut it all down.
Yeah, man, but this all has me messed up.
I really like Jasmine.
And she has a career where she has to order a lot of pizza.
You know, I can't believe they're still doing that tired old pizza guy plot.
Not the point! Listen, man, I know it's her job, and-and that's cool, but I I prefer a girl who only wants to have pizza with me.
Look, I know what you mean, man.
And we both know you are not good with sharing.
Like last night with them tater tots.
Excuse me, those were all mine.
And if you wanted tots, you should've ordered your own! I was up all night going over this case in my mind, and I have to admit that all the evidence points to guilty.
Calvin was right all along.
I was wrong all along.
She's innocent.
What hold on, innocent? What changed your mind? The spoon.
I discovered that the cameras have some blind spots.
I-I didn't see any blind spots.
That's how they got their name, Dave.
Look, the pictures show that there are security cameras here and here, but not here.
So no one knows what the spoon was doing between luggage and women's accessories.
Anybody could've put those stolen items in her purse.
And if it's not on the cam, this case is a sham.
So you're saying there's reasonable doubt.
I'm not just saying it, Dave.
I just rhymed it.
Because if there is doubt, we got to let her out.
Case closed.
Hey, uh, Jasmine.
I, um Let me guess.
My job is too much for you? Yeah.
How'd you know? This isn't my first rodeo.
I was in Rodeo Hoedown 8 and 9.
No, yeah, yeah, no.
I checked your credits.
You are very popular.
But, uh, I was wondering Why I do this kind of work? Yeah.
I know it's unusual, but I enjoy it.
That's why I invited you on set.
To show you what I do because some people don't get it.
Like my priest so judgmental.
But I've had some breakups because guys couldn't handle it, so if you're uncomfortable, we shouldn't see each other anymore.
What? N-No, no.
Jasmine, those guys are so shallow.
I am mature.
Okay? I-I can handle it.
Yeah? Okay.
- I'll see you on set, Jasmine.
- Okay.
Nope! Nope! I can't handle it.
I'm sorry.
I-I really, really wish that I could, but I I guess I'm just looking for a different kind of relationship.
I understand.
Has the jury reached a verdict? Uh, we have, Your Honor.
May the defendant please rise? I object! Habeas corpus! Sidebar! Uh, uh, Judge, some new evidence has come to light.
Scoot, scoot, scoot, scoot.
I would say "approach the bench," but I see you're already approaching.
Habeas corpus.
Semper fi.
Your Honor, if I may, uh this case is going downstream.
I suggest you let us reconvene.
I don't understand.
Guilty? A minute ago, you had us all convinced she was innocent.
That's before I noticed that the defendant was wearing a Chanel necklace.
I bought Tina one just like it.
That thing was so expensive, I wish I had stolen it.
And here it is, right here.
This is the list of all of the stolen items that were never recovered.
There it is right there.
One Chanel necklace.
I guess she forgot she had shoplifted it.
Nice catch.
Looks like we get to start all over again.
- No, no, no, no - Okay, now, here we go.
Exhibit A.
You can all go home.
What? Wh-Why? The defendant took a plea.
When you objected, which I don't think you can do she realized she was busted.
What were you guys doing in here? Me and the judge knew she was guilty from day one.
Well, Dave, I'm glad you pushed me to do this.
The system only works when we all make sure it works.
So you won't ignore your summons next time? No.
You know what? I'm actually looking forward to the next time I get to do my civic duty.
Maybe the next trial will have, like, more blood or something in it, so I can finally use my Law & Order degree.
- This is an outrage.
- Mm-hmm.
You won't believe what just happened on that movie set.
Oh, right.
Uh, I'm sorry, Ma.
We just didn't know how to tell you.
Wait, you found out we were fired before we did? Huh? After I let the director eat my cupcakes? What the Hold on.
What is happening here? Were you two working on that movie? Yeah! We were all up in it! But apparently, you're not supposed to look in the camera.
Oh! Mama, no! What? We were background actors for the outside shots.
So-so-so-so, you two were outside the whole time and-and you never saw in that house? - No.
- Oh, I wish.
God, that would've been the dream.
Mama, Gemma we got something to tell y'all about the movie.
It was a what?!
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