The Neighborhood (2018) s04e22 Episode Script

Welcome to the Ring

1 When I stare into your eyes, it feels like we're the only two people in the world.
Well, you're not.
Stop it.
You know, they stare at each other for hours at our place, too.
It's creepy as hell.
Aw, shoot.
I have to go teach a boxing class.
Thanks again for dinner, Mrs.
- Bye, Malcolm.
- Bye, Mr.
Bye, Gorgeous.
That's so sweet.
(DOOR CLOSES) So Somebody is getting serious.
Yeah, man, you was holding her like the way you used to hold your calculus book.
(CHUCKLES) Look, if I could've married that calculus book, I would have.
But I'm glad I didn't, because I'm going to ask Necie to marry me.
What?! Oh, oh, oh! Thank you! Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord! Calvin, get the Hallelujah Kit.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Um What's the "Hallelujah Kit"? Oh.
We got a box full of champagne, fireworks, and glow sticks in case the Clippers ever won the championship.
- But hell, that ain't never going to happen.
- TINA: That ain't happening.
- (LAUGHTER) - Oh! Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ Welcome to the hood.
♪ - Cheers to Marty and Necie.
- Yes! - Hey! - To Marty and Necie.
You know, we all love Necie, but how do you think Necie's parents will feel about it? Oh, Mr.
and Mrs.
Agbani secretly gave me their blessing during our visit to Chicago last month.
- Her mama cried, but I think they were happy tears.
Aw, that's so sweet.
But why the hell did Necie's parents get to know first? - Uh It was I-I was gonna - No, no.
Malcolm, when it's your turn, I better be the first to know.
Yeah, I got it, Mom.
My engagement will be all about you.
(CHUCKLES) Well, guys, I think you're getting ahead of yourselves.
I mean, he still has to ask Necie.
I'll drive.
Her gym is just around the corner.
Wh Mama, Mama.
(CHUCKLES) It's a little more involved than that.
Necie's parents emigrated from Nigeria.
In the Yoruba culture, getting engaged is basically like getting married.
- Say what? - Uh But but I promise, Mom, we will have a church wedding.
(CHUCKLES) Good save, son.
Listen, Necie's really proud of her Nigerian heritage.
Which is why, to show respect, I want to follow as many of the customs as I can during the party.
By the way, there's going to be a party.
Surprise! Ooh! I can't wait! We can talk about it in the car.
Uh, no, Mom.
It's just not any party, which is why I hired an Alaga Iduro.
Anna Laga Iduro? (CHUCKLES) She one of them twins that live off of Lake Avenue.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh No.
An Alaga Iduro is what the Yoruba call an engagement planner.
Okay? She advises on everything from the food to the music, and she puts me in my place when I screw up.
You could've saved yourself a lot of money and just used your mama for that.
Oh! One of Pasadena's most eligible bachelors is off the market.
Hey, Marty, did you pick out a ring yet? Ooh, a friend of mine knows a jeweler who makes house calls.
Oh, I am in.
And I thought having mini-tacos delivered to your door was fancy.
(KNOCK AT DOOR) Oh, I'll get it.
It's probably the engagement planner.
- Chika, welcome.
- Well, hello, Marty.
And you must be the beautiful young bride-to-be.
(LAUGHS) - I knew I would like you.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, actually, I'm the mother, Tina.
And welcome.
This is my husband, Calvin, and our friends, Dave and Gemma.
Pleasure to meet you all.
And a pleasure to meet you.
Yeah, we'll work on that.
Now, as your planner, I need to know exactly what I'm dealing with.
- Oh.
Well, you've already met the groom - Mm-hmm.
and just know the bride's much prettier.
No, it's-it's true.
She is way out of my league, which is why this party has to be perfect.
Oh, don't worry.
It will be.
I've had a lot of practice.
I have been married six times, and all of my weddings fabulous.
Well, that must make you an expert in weddings.
- Not so much marriages.
- No.
Now, before I start, I need to know your budget, because traditionally in Nigerian culture, the groom's family pays for the engagement ceremony.
(CHUCKLING): I'm sorry, I heard you say "the groom," but I think you meant "the bride.
" As I said, the groom's family pays for everything.
Well, okay.
Then it looks like we're paying.
You couldn't have mentioned that earlier? You know what? It's fine.
We want everything to be just right for Marty.
- Hey, hey.
- MARTY: Hey! - Hey! - Oh, hey.
I'm Marty's brother, Malcolm.
Sorry I'm late.
Oh, you're right on time.
(CHUCKLES WEAKLY) Can we get back to planning the party? Oh.
Yes, of course.
Um This is the list of traditional engagement gifts that Marty needs to present for Necie's dowry.
Yams, palm oil, a Bible, an umbrella A goat? (CHUCKLES) You know what? This is easy.
Tina's parents wanted five years of W-2s.
(LAUGHS) And they also hired a private investigator.
(LAUGHING) That I guess you're just learning about now.
Well, Dad, this list isn't gonna be that easy.
It's not like you can get a goat from PetSmart.
CHIKA: Well, this list has been handed down through ten generations of Necie's family.
So it would be an insult if the groom didn't get every single item.
You know what? Consider this done.
42 pieces of dried fish? That's easy.
That's just nothing but old sushi.
Remind me to eat before I come.
You guys are awesome for setting this up for me.
Of course, you're family.
And it beats buying his engagement ring at the barbershop.
Okay, now take your pick - at any of these symbols of betrayal.
- (GASPS) Ah.
I'm sorry.
I'm coming off an ugly divorce.
It must be hard for you, Parker, given the line of work you've chosen.
Yeah, well, I'm fighting through the irony.
There are so many different kinds of diamonds.
(GASPS) Oh, this princess cut is gorgeous.
- Yes.
- Yeah, that's the one my wife had.
(CHUCKLES) Just a heads-up, it does hurt when she throws it at you.
- (STAMMERS) Let me model it for you.
- Okay.
- Uh - (GASPS) Oh, yes Uh, can-can I see? Oh.
Yeah, right.
All right.
Gemma's ring is pretty small.
When we were starting off, we didn't have much.
It was either a big ring or a small apartment.
And we chose shelter.
Dave, you know I love my ring.
Well then why aren't you wearing it? I am.
This one's just blocking it.
How much is this one? That one is a two-carat flawless - and goes for 20 thousand.
- Oh.
Uh, hey.
How about I point and when I get below the price of a car, you let me know? - Yeah.
- All right, so we gonna go - right here.
- Mm-mm.
- We gonna go right here.
- Oh.
Oh, right, I love it.
I love it.
I love it.
Do you guys love it? It's beautiful.
Oh, you meant your ring.
Ooh, yeah.
That's amazing, too.
Necie and her family are gonna be blown away - by what you've done, Mom.
- Aw.
- Anything for you, baby.
- Aw.
Oh, hey, Dad, you did it.
You actually found a she-goat.
I sure did.
I got everything on the list with an hour to spare.
And even though it wasn't on there, I also got this speeding ticket.
And, uh, don't mind Gertie.
She may look mean, but she's a sweetheart.
Although, she did eat my wallet.
(DOOR OPENS) Tina, Marty, time for our good luck drink.
Is that a Nigerian custom? No, just my custom.
Come on.
Well, thanks a lot, Dave.
You know I couldn't have done all of this without you.
(LAUGHS) I mean, who would've thought it, man? Four years ago, when you moved in, I couldn't imagine we would be this tight.
Aw, thanks, Calvin.
I love you, too.
I didn't say all that.
Well, you kind of did.
In a Calvin way.
Can you believe our little boy's about to get engaged? Okay, now you're making it weird, Dave.
All right.
That's my cue.
I'll see you later.
All right.
(GROANS) Whew.
Close my eyes for just a second.
Help! Somebody! It's a wild goat! Emergency! Wh What the hell is going on? Everything on the gift list is ruined! Unbelievable.
The goat ate everything on the list except for this speeding ticket.
This is a disaster.
I'm so depressed right now.
I need comforting.
Where is that pretty man with the biceps? (DOOR CLOSES) Okay.
Okay, babe, the first thing we need to do is make sure that Marty does not see this.
No! Okay, and the second thing we need to do is back up out of here.
You two, stop! Look at this mess.
Do you understand how important this party is? Necie's the love of my life.
This whole thing is supposed to be perfect, and this is far from perfect! No, no.
It'll be okay, Marty.
Why do You want me to die alone? - Marty Oh, baby - Oh (GROANS) Calvin, there is no time that we could replace all this stuff.
What are we gonna do now? Babe, we're gonna do what we did before we were middle-class.
Beg, borrow and serve more alcohol.
- Hey, guys, ready to go? - Oh, yeah.
Just let us finish our Cracker Jacks.
(EXAGGERATED): Oh, look.
I got the prize.
Why don't you let Mom open it? She loves the prizes.
Ooh, yeah, ever since I was little, I used to love when I'd get one of the rings.
Oh, my God.
(GASPS) This isn't plastic! It's real! Gemma because of you, I have everything that I have ever wanted, and you deserve to have everything that you have ever wanted, too.
(GASPS) Ooh, honey.
Ooh, I love it! (GASPS) With all this bling, I feel like a Real Housewife of Pasadena.
(LAUGHS) Your eyes lit up when you saw it, and I want you to have that feeling every day, so I called Parker and I traded in your old ring.
But I have to admit, I-I will miss my smaller ring.
It comes with so many sweet memories.
Yeah, look, I-I get that.
So I can return the new one.
No, don't come near my new ring.
I can make memories with this amazing, bigger one.
So you like the new ring? Of course.
But you also like the old ring? I do.
I'm confused.
You're not the only one.
You know what? You're right.
I'm-I'm sorry.
Don't do anything.
I love it.
Thank you.
Well, it's not pretty or accurate, but we did it.
(EXHALES) What I'll do for grandchildren.
- Hey.
- You look amazing.
- Oh Dave will be here in a minute, he just forgot his phone.
Oh, uh, wait.
He knows not to come through the front, right? It could ruin the surprise.
Someone has to tell him not to come through the front.
- Is somebody gonna - All right, brother.
You need to chill, okay? Dave knows.
Everybody knows.
Five emails and a dozen texts guarantee we all know.
Man, I just don't want any more disasters tonight.
Sorry, Dad, that wasn't directed at you.
Really? Because you were looking right at me.
Ah! Mother and Father Agbani, you're here.
Uh, uh meet my parents, Calvin and Tina Butler.
- Hi.
- Yes.
TINA: Um Finally, we meet.
(LAUGHS) And, you know, I'm totally cool about you guys finding out about the proposal first.
I ain't tripping.
Hey, I'm the big brother, Malcolm, and I'm normal.
You know, - we absolutely adore your daughter.
- Oh.
Thank you.
Well, she's definitely the apple of our eye.
- Yes.
- Oh, my.
Ours, too.
We love apples.
Um Applesauce, apple cider, apple - bottom jeans.
- Bottom jeans.
What we're saying is apples - are a very versatile fruit.
- Very nice.
CALVIN: They're very good.
- Um, Mr.
and Mrs.
Agbani - Yeah.
Uh, you need to know that there was a little bit of drama with the list of engagement gifts.
Oh, I had a heck of a time getting those things when I married Demi.
Not a lot of alligator peppers in Chicago.
- Oh.
(CHUCKLES) - See? You can't get everything.
Am I right? - Oh, no.
I got everything.
- Mm-hmm.
- I didn't want to lose Demi.
- Mm.
Well, I don't want to lose Necie.
Well, you know what? We got everything, too.
But, you know, there was a mishap and so we got everything again.
Kind of.
Oh, my goodness.
Ple-Please, don't-don't blame this on Marty.
He wanted everything to go perfect, but the goat, well, the goat had other ideas.
Mistakes happen.
You've gone to a lot of effort and your table of pantry items shows just how much you really care about Necie.
- Marty is a good boy - Yes.
and we see where he gets it from.
- Oh.
Thank you.
- Aw.
Thank you.
I've been making everyone jealous with my new bling.
Tina called me a bitch! Well, actually, uh I got you another surprise.
(GASPS) My old ring.
I called Parker and he came right over.
I may have promised him dinner.
Oh Thank you, honey.
I love it.
But you could've proposed to me with a bottle cap and I'd still be wearing it.
Well, if you really mean that, I can always trade that in for a bottle cap, along with a midsize SUV.
She's coming! (EXCITED CHATTER) - Everybody, get ready.
- GEMMA: Okay.
Uh, how-how do I look? Like a future husband.
You got this, Marty.
(EXHALES) Let's go.
Surprise! Hey, boo.
Hey Mom? Dad? What's going on? Uh, Necie (CLEARS THROAT) Um (MUTTERING) - Thank you, Mama.
- Come here, baby.
Necie, I love you, and I can't imagine a world where you aren't a part of my life every single day.
Would you do me the honor of being my wife? (GUESTS EXCLAIMING QUIETLY) What ? Baby, what happened? I hope that's the Yoruba way of saying "yes.
" Necie, I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
Like, it's cool if you don't want to marry me.
- My heart is broken, but - No, it's not that, Marty.
Is it about the list? It's about the list.
Listen, I swear we got all the stuff, until one of the items on the list ate the rest of it.
But-but your parents understood.
And they seem really excited for us.
- I thought you would be, too.
- That's the problem.
You obviously consulted with our parents.
But you didn't consult with me.
But that would have ruined the surprise.
And that part went really well.
In my culture, some men don't consult their women about major decisions, and that is not how I'm gonna live my life.
Marty, for you and me to happen, we have to be equals.
I get it.
And I'm sorry.
I promise you, we will always be equals.
- I was just trying to make it special.
- It was special.
It just caught me off guard.
(CHUCKLES) You know what I would like, Gorgeous? Please don't say a new boyfriend.
(CHUCKLES) I want you to ask me again.
Um Necie, my partner, my best friend, my equal will you do me the honor of allowing me to be your husband? - Yes.
Yes! - Yes? - Yes.
- Yes.
(LAUGHING) (QUIET CHATTER) - TINA: Oh, there he is.
- CALVIN: Okay.
- Oh, there he is.
- Son, you okay? Uh no.
Oh I'm great.
I said yes! (CHEERING, EXCITED CHATTER) Yo, I don't want to be too sappy, but, uh, I'm happy for you, little bro.
I love you, too, man.
(BOTH CHUCKLING) Look, I propose a toast.
- Everyone, get your glasses.
- Okay.
You know the greatest blessing in my life has been my wife, Tina.
- Oh.
- It's because of her that I am the best man that I can be.
Our son, Marty, is smart, kind and loyal.
And now, with Necie in his life, he can be the best man he can be.
- To Necie and Marty.
- ALL: To Necie and Marty! Come on, let's celebrate! - (DANCE MUSIC STARTS PLAYING) - Let's get this party started.
Let's go, let's go, let's do it.
♪ Meet me at the altar in your white dress ♪ We ain't gettin' no younger ♪ - We ain't gettin' no younger, girl ♪ - We might as well do it ♪ Been feelin' you all the while ♪ - Feelin' you all the while ♪ - Girl, I must confess ♪ Girl, let's just get married ♪ I just wanna get married ♪ Meet me at the altar in your white dress ♪ - We ain't gettin' no younger ♪ - (CHEERING) We might as well do it ♪
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