The Newsreader (2021) s02e01 Episode Script

Decision 87

Good morning. Dale Jennings
with the latest news.
Dire Straits have commenced
their Australian tour amidst
Mate, newsreading not for everyone.
Is it a vocal thing?
You know, I am a disaster.
But I'm also relentless. I reckon
we can make you a newsreader.
If you or the network
mistreat my husband in any way,
the public response will
be utterly devastating.
But I think we may have
reached the end of the line.
How about I go to the press
and detail how I've been treated
by this network after 30 years?!
Noelene confirmed the quote was false.
And you're coming to see
me after the bulletin.
You can come back in on Monday.
You're the best one there, Noel.
Hey, Noelene, would you like to
come out for a drink at the pub?
Has anything like this happened
since you were a teenager?
The things that I hid are the
things that I don't want to resist.
I have these feelings.
They won't go away.
But neither will my feelings for you.
I love you just the way you are.
And I'm gonna be right next to you.
Good evening. I'm Helen Norville.
And I'm Dale Jennings. You
are watching News At Six.
This way, please.
And big laugh.
That's it. Keep
watching me for the cues.
With an endless desire ♪
Oh, I kept on searching ♪
Sure in time our eyes would meet ♪
Like a bridge that's on fire ♪
The hurt is over, baby ♪
One touch and you set me free ♪
Mmm, I don't regret a single moment ♪
No, I don't ♪
Looking back ♪
When I think of all
those disappointments ♪
Well, I just laugh ♪
Ha! I just laugh ♪
When the river was
deep, I didn't falter ♪
When the mountain
was high, I still believed ♪
When the valley was
low, it didn't stop me ♪
No, no ♪
I knew you were waiting ♪
I knew you were waiting for me ♪
I didn't falter ♪
Oh, no ♪
When the mountain was high ♪
I still believed ♪
I still believed ♪
When the valley was low ♪
When the valley was
low, it didn't stop me ♪
No, I knew you were waiting ♪
I knew you were waiting for me. ♪
- Please thank the Tony Bartuccio Dancers!
- You ready?
OK, so, just remember, he's
not gonna stick to the script
and he kind of likes it if
you tease him a little bit.
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo,
whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo!
Are we lucky? Yes!
- Well done.
- Now, three more sleeps till election day.
Are we all exhausted yet?
I certainly am.
Hawke and Howard, Keating and Peacock,
well, it's all just a blurry
sea of very bushy eyebrows
at this point, isn't it?
Now, my next guests have been there
for every twist, every turn,
every insult of the campaign,
and they are, of course,
News At Six's very own
golden couple of news.
Please welcome the magnificent
Miss Helen Norville
and Mr Dale Jennings.
Wow. Wow. What can I say?
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
- Gerry.
- Good to see you. Yeah.
Now, tell me
Oh, is there still anything left
to discuss about this election?
Well, I think this election might be
a lot closer than people think, Gerry.
- Really, Dale?
- Yes.
Well, people are tipping
for a Hawke re-election,
but I'm not so sure, and
like any election night,
there might be some turns,
some twists, some surprises,
some bad losers,
possibly even some tears.
Mmm. But all of that
will be coming from me.
Now, now, the pair of you.
Two newsreaders in a relationship.
Can we talk about that?
Be careful, Gerry!
Oh, I don't think you can lecture me
about good behaviour, Miss Norville.
Your voices are always
so calm and polished.
What I want to know is what
happens when you have an argument.
Oh, well
Well, we don't really
have any arguments, do we?
Well, I actually find it quite useful.
"Crossing now to the kitchen,
where Dale has forgotten
to take out the rubbish."
You spend your whole
working day together,
you read the news together,
you go home together.
That's right. Yeah.
Well, at what point do you
run out of things to say?
Well, the news never stops, Gerry.
One always has a lot to talk about,
especially in an election year.
- This is
- Alright, Dale.
It's not election night yet. At ease.
Now, in 1986, you delivered
us all a newsroom romance.
In 1987
can we expect a newsroom wedding?
- Oooh!
- Mmm.
"Uh, crossing now to Dale Jennings."
Well, thanks, Helen.
Look, we're just focusing
on this critical election
that we have ahead of us, uh, this year.
It's also a it's
a jolly fascinating
Who says "jolly"?
Dale, I told you not to watch it.
Who am I, Santa Claus? I've never
used that adjective in my life!
My favourite was when you referred
to yourself as "the royal one".
I did not do that!
Rewind. It's right there on the tape.
We sent specific questions
about the election!
Yeah, but I told you, he
never sticks to the script.
Hey, there's not a history
between you two, is there?
What, a history between With Gerry?!
- Yeah.
- No!
Are you sure? 'Cause
he was very flirtatious.
Oh, are you a bit jealous?
You sure?
Yeah, a little bit, but
Don't be.
on this critical election ahead.
And it's not only an Australian
election this year, it's also
Newsreader Dale Jennings
there, avoiding my question.
The issue overshadowed
Mr Howard's campaign
in marginal Brisbane seats today.
He was quick to respond and
issued one of his strongest
campaign attacks yet
against the government.
The creator of the "banana republic"
is now campaigning like a
treasurer of a banana republic
Howard called him an "economic vandal"
and Keating fired back and said,
"If the Liberals win government,
you'd need a pair of binoculars
to find the Australian dollar."
- Have you seen it?
- Seen what?
- The promo for election night.
- Do we want to?
Promos just delivered it.
They're very proud of it.
The new CEO dictated the copy himself.
Showdown 87 Hawke and Howard.
And News At Six will
give you the winner first.
Our state-of-the-art
Datamax computer system
will deliver the result
at 7:45 guaranteed.
Join Helen Norville and Dale Jennings
Is that confirmed? Guaranteed?
with comic interludes
by Gerry Carroll
- No.
- and an Australian exclusive
with federal treasurer Paul Keating.
The biggest names. The fastest results.
Only on the News At Six.
I mean, that can't
that can't go on air.
It's on air. The print version
is a double-page spread.
- Did you sign off on that promo?
- Good morning to you too, Helen.
A 7:45 guaranteed result?
And an Irish comedian?
Just so you know, that's come
directly from little Charlie himself.
He doesn't know the
first thing about news.
He doesn't see the election
as a news event, Helen.
He sees it more as being a, um
- a network branding event.
- What?
And he has decided that
our network brand is, uh
backyard barbecue.
- What does that mean?
- Dennis?
He reckons that networks are
like different kinds of food.
- Yeah?
- So, the ABC is like a plate of vegetables.
But then you have your
roast chook, right?
- Your Sunday lamb!
- Mmm.
Backyard barbecue.
He just wants the tone to be relaxed
and irreverent, OK? That's it, so
Are you even listening to yourself?
Um, I can check with the data
analyst, but it was my understanding
that 7:45 is more of a
likelihood than a guarantee.
OK, thanks, Noelene, but there's
nothing we can do about that.
Also, I don't think Paul
Keating's an exclusive.
I think he's appearing
on several networks.
OK, thanks again, Noelene!
Nothing we can do about that!
No other news director
would sign off on that.
That is not true, OK?
The ABC has comedians!
You know that guy that
does the impersonations?
Lindsay, shit, we've got to go.
Dale, now that she's
had her little showboat,
I don't want any more hissy fits
about this, because little, uh
little Chuck has invested a
lot of money in News At Six
and, mate, he's not happy.
- He always seems upbeat.
- Yeah, right. To your face.
Do you know what he called
you two the other night?
"The silver couple of news".
Sometimes you're "the
bronze couple of news",
and sometimes you're dangerously
close to "polished turd" territory.
- But our ratings have been consistent.
- Jesus, Dale!
The amount of money he has
spent, he doesn't want consistent,
especially on election night, and
especially given the competition!
Out of the 10 previous
elections that you've hosted,
which ones in particular stand out?
Well, it's hard to go past
'69. Gorton versus Whitlam.
And you were the first
to call that one, correct?
Just after 8pm. Over an
hour before the competition.
Well, over the years, you, uh
you develop an understanding
of the key swing seats.
It paid off in '69, and I'm
sure it will tomorrow night.
What about you, Kay?
Any, uh, childhood memories of
watching Dad on election night?
Uh, I remember always loving it.
It's the one night Mum let me
eat sausages and chips for dinner.
And will it be sausages this Saturday?
Oh, of course!
With Kay back from London, I'll
be doing all the favourites.
Geoff, Saturday's also the first time
that you'll be in direct competition
with your former colleagues
at the News At Six.
You've had some strong words to say
about the News At Six in the past.
Well, I've said all I
intend to say, Keith.
Yeah, well, nothing to
add a year down the track?
We'd, of course, like
to thank the viewers
for all their cards and letters
and to assure them that
Geoff is absolutely thriving.
The new network is wonderful
and we're just loving living
a little closer to the city.
But can I just ask, have you had
any contact with Helen Norville
Let's move on, Keith.
Yep. Uh
Well, uh
Thank you very much. Um, we might
just get a family photo if we could.
Kay, would you mind just
squeezing up a little bit,
we'll get a family shot?
That'd be great. Thank you.
Big smiles.
Thank you.
We so appreciate it, Cheryl.
Um, are we still on for the 5th?
If that's alright.
I'd hate to get you into
trouble with the News At Six.
Oh, no, no. I just don't tell 'em.
Oh, thank you.
Truly, no-one does it better.
Thank you.
That went well.
I do think it'd be worth doing
a little bit of afternoon radio.
- Evvie
- Just a couple of interviews
Oh, take the dress. I bought it for you.
I'm OK.
Oh, it looked really lovely,
Kay. Very feminine. Stylish.
Yes. It's the height of '87 style.
You know what they say
about sarcasm, darling.
- "It's the lowest form of wit."
- It's the lowest form of wit.
Why isn't Mum going up?
Well, Canberra is a touch
bleak in the wintertime, so
- You want to escape her?
- No, no, no.
I wouldn't blame you.
Drive carefully.
You've got a single.
- Dale and Helen are in a full suite.
- Mm-hm.
Per diems.
Um, sorry, if I order room service,
do I use the per diems
or do I charge the room?
Officially, the per diems.
Unofficially, most people charge
the room and pocket the cash.
They also tend to save the
taxi vouchers for personal use.
I'm sure Rob could
tell you all about it.
I don't know what you're
talking about there
Uh, Noels, just before you take off,
could I ask you to have a quick
squiz at that late update script?
- Yes, of course.
- Alright?
- Thanks, Jean.
- Have a good time.
Just, the wording is weird.
Yeah. I'll help you.
- Hey?
- Mmm?
- How many stars is the hotel?
- Four.
Well, should I see if
I can get a flight up?
We don't have to tell your family.
Well, it's just that Helen
and Dale will be there.
Yeah. I thought you wanted to start
telling the office post-election.
Well, not the very next day.
Oh, OK. Mmm.
- But how about when I get back
- Mmm?
I pick you up, and we use
all my taxi vouchers and per diems
and I take you to Sizzler?
Oh, yes!
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Oh. Wait 30 seconds.
Last time, you came up two steps
behind me and it was really obvious.
Yeah, roger that.
- Rob.
- Oh, shit. Sorry. You just told me that.
Sorry. Shh. Shush.
OK. So
Hey, Noelene. How are you?
Hi, guys. How are you
doing? Nice to see you all.
The statistician is
here. No sign of Gerry yet.
What about Geoff?
His network is here.
They're two booths over.
Well, we should go over
and say hello, you know?
- Get it over and done with.
- No, I'm not talking to him.
- This is Trevor, data analyst.
- Hello.
- Helen. Lovely to meet you. Welcome.
- Of course.
- Nice to meet you, Trevor.
- Thank you.
So, we're looking good for 7:45?
Well just between us
I think it'll be more like 7:15.
- 7:15! Wow.
- Yeah.
I ran the results for '77, '80 and '83,
and in each case, the system
would have the winner by 7:15.
So it'll be earlier? Great.
I made the assumption
there'd be edible food here tonight.
- I'm guessing that was foolish.
- Hi.
Wow. You honestly expect the
viewers to focus on the politicians?
- Welcome, Gerry.
- How are you, Dale?
Uh, good. Um
I might go to the
Hey, Ray, can I grab a glass of water?
Thank you.
Rob, you look like a
bloody Lowes catalogue.
Well, I got told it was casual.
Yes, mate. The rich
pricks' version of casual!
- Very different.
- Well, should I go and get changed?
It'd take me 25 minutes to
duck back, grab a jacket.
No, no, no, mate. Not enough
time. You've got to go as you are.
Don't want to blot the copybook.
I want an invite on that yacht.
- What yacht?
- He's got a $3 million yacht.
- No.
- Yeah, he does.
- Does he?
- He does, yeah.
- Hello.
- Hey. How are you?
- Follow me.
- Yep. Thank you.
No shit.
Bigger than the bar at
Young & Jackson's, isn't it?
Here he is.
Gentlemen, how are we?
- Good, thanks, Charlie. How are you?
- Yeah, good, mate.
- What, you off to the races after this?
- Sorry?
You look like one of the old
man's bookies there.
Oh, right. OK. Yeah.
Hey, so, I just saw an
ad for the competition.
Their big interview
some senator I've never heard of.
We got the bloody treasurer!
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- That you, Dermot?
- Dennis.
Dennis. Sorry, mate. It was, uh, Noels.
Do I know Noel?
- Yeah, Noelene. She's a producer.
- Noelene. Producer, yes.
She's had about 800
calls to Keating's office.
Wore him down. She's
Yeah, she's I made
a call too to Paul.
Yeah, people say I'm a bit like
Keating, actually, you know.
Not physically, of course.
Just a sort of a certain
gravitas or something.
- Their words, not
- I see it.
So just us tonight, boys.
Yeah. Casual seafood buffet.
Grab yourselves a drink,
make yourselves at home, eh?
- Beautiful.
- Yeah.
You, uh you want to take care
of that, please, love? Beautiful.
Thank you.
Young Dale.
- Geoff!
- Good to see you.
Hey, congratulations on the new network.
My mother's terribly conflicted
on who to watch tonight.
Is Helen with you?
I gather you'll be delivering
the result by 7:45 guaranteed.
I don't fully understand the
computer technology myself, but
Well, careful what you wish for.
Three hours is a very long time to fill.
- Come on, Paul.
- Yep.
- I just saw Geoff.
- I don't care.
30 seconds!
Hey, Noelene, you got
those teeth pictures?
- Teeth pictures?
- Yep.
- Yep. All four.
- Mmm.
Yeah, I thought I could say
what's always stood out to me about
Australian elections is the teeth.
And then we'd super up pictures
of Howard, Hawke, Peacock
and Keating's teeth,
and I'd do a comedic
dental assessment of them.
Positions, please!
I'm terrifying you, aren't I?
- No.
- And here we go.
And in 10.
Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome to the National Tally
Room for Election Night 1987.
- I'm Helen Norville.
- And I'm Dale Jennings.
It's a freezing night here
in our nation's capital,
and the tally room is filling
up with hundreds of journalists,
party members, even some
members of the public.
All of them are looking
to the boards behind us,
anxiously waiting for
those first crucial results
to start coming through.
Polling booths on the east
coast have already closed
It's a nice set.
- Very nice.
- first votes are counted,
- our computer analyst
- Good design.
- Yeah.
- Trevor Lehmann, will be able to see them
on the News At Six Datamax computer.
Uh, thank you, Helen.
So, what percentage of
votes need to be counted
before you can convincingly
call for a winner?
Actually, just 4% or 5%.
Remarkable, isn't it?
And we could reach that point
very early, so stay tuned.
No, we reach that point at 7:45.
Really got to hammer
that, Lindsay. 7:45.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got a chyron
that's really gonna punch 7:45.
It is coming. It is coming. Mmm.
- You mind if we have a quick flick?
- Oh, not at all.
live on the desk
It truly wouldn't be an
election night without him.
I'm so thrilled to
welcome a television icon
Mr Geoff Walters.
Good evening to viewers across
this vast and great nation.
"And to you too."
It's an honour to be with
you on this most critical of nights.
They're letting him
write his own script!
Mate, this is gonna end in
tears. "In tears."
Well, Paddy, I'm happy to
confirm that from August onward,
I will be on screen five nights a week
with a brand-new show,
The Walters Report.
A half-hour of hard-hitting
current affairs
- Awful name
- probing analysis
- Terrible.
- Oh, are they axing Quizmasters?
very excited to
have you back on their screens.
But right now, east
coast polls have closed,
so let's cross to Bankstown, where
federal treasurer Paul Keating
is arriving to watch the
results in his home seat
Wait, Bankstown?
Keating's confirmed
for our desk, isn't he?
Yes. Yes, he is.
- Uh
- So?
- Yeah. Hey, is this live?
- This is live.
Uh uh, look, Dennis, do you
want to want to go call Noelene
just to, uh to check on her?
- Yep, great. Great idea.
- Marta!
Thank you, Marta.
- This guy.
- Oh, great. Thank you.
- You can use it anywhere.
- OK. Thank you.
Thank you.
Tally room. Noelene speaking.
Yes! Hi. Yes, it's it's Dennis.
So, we just flipped to Geoff's coverage
and there is live footage
of Keating from Bankstown!
- I don't think so.
- Bankstown! Sydney!
- Five hours from you!
- I know where it is.
He was always scheduled to
spend the day in Bankstown,
then head to Canberra in the afternoon.
It can't have been live footage.
It WAS live footage, Noelene,
OK? Because it was dark there!
I, er, might call his media adviser.
Give me that thing here!
Listen, you! I've got some
notes for Helen and Dale.
You get a pen and a shitload of paper!
- Sorry. Just a couple of notes from Lindsay.
- What?
He doesn't want you to be so vague
about the time of the results.
Keep reiterating the 7:45 guarantee.
- Yeah, but it could be earlier.
- I'm just relaying.
Also, the CEO wants a big build-up.
"Get your dinners now. Top up your
drinks. The big moment's coming."
And we're back in 20.
I am not gonna be dictated
to by little Charlie,
especially not live on air.
We can definitely weave
in a little build-up.
No, I'm not gonna say, "Come
on, get your dinners, please."
- It's not Romper Room.
- We don't have to use those words necessarily.
Wrap it up. 10 seconds.
Charlie's rung my staff
with joke suggestions
before three of my
shows they were all terrible.
Yeah, so you just ignored them, right?
Oh, no, I said them. But
I've got no integrity.
You stick to your guns.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome back to Election Night '87.
Where the nation decides.
We have 21% of the vote
counted in the seat of Forde
and appear to be seeing
a swing to the opposition.
Is that right, Geoff?
- Just me.
- That's right, Paddy.
And Forde, as you know, is in Queensland
and it is, of course, a swing seat.
How's he going?
Uh it's still early.
I got the sausages.
- I'm alright.
- Oh, are you sure?
- It's tradition.
- Yeah, I'll just have a drink, thanks.
Is Scott joining us?
It's over with Scott.
- When did that happen?
- Last week.
Oh, darling.
Come on, Mum. Don't pretend
like you're not happy about it.
No, of course I'm not.
No, he was a very
He was a pleasant man.
- You hated him.
- No!
No, I just wondered if he
had enough drive for you.
Well, he's pissed off
without paying the rent,
so I don't have that $200.
He's a prick.
Well, do you want your
father to call him about that?
No, it's just it's $200.
Well, technically, your
father is Scott's landlord
Mum, I've just told you I've broken up,
and you're chasing rent.
Sure you don't want the sausages?
The voting booths were open
at eight o'clock this morning,
and there was an early
morning surge to vote.
By lunchtime, the
crowds had thinned to
Yes, I called his campaign office.
They directed me to
his electorate office.
Eight. Seven.
He's the treasurer of Australia.
Someone must know where he is.
Can you at least give me the
name of the venue in Bankstown?
Well, we are just a quarter of an
hour away from that crucial moment,
so, Australia, clear away the dinner
plates and top up those drinks,
because as per the News At Six 7:45
guarantee, the moment is imminent.
- So, Trevor, with 4% now counted
- Yeah, that's better.
is the Datamax system
showing any emerging trend?
Wouldn't say solid, though, would you?
So far, I can confirm
that the vote is down for Labor,
but not necessarily down evenly.
So there is a negative
swing against the government?
In some places, yes. Definitely
New South Wales, but not in others.
In fact, their vote is up
in some surprising places.
So yeah, i-it may or
it may not be a swing.
Well, Gerry Carroll
thinks he's identified
a surprising factor at
play in the 1987 campaign.
Gerry, can you illuminate us?
Why, of course, Dale.
Now, for me, this election has
all been about the dental work
- Is there a problem?
- What? No, no, no, no, no.
I'm just I'm just,
uh I'm just inputting.
You said 7:15. It's just turned 7:30.
Yeah, well, the program was built
to work off national swing, so
Is 7:45 at risk, Trevor?
OK, the way it processes
is is is is
D-d-d-d Look look,
I could explain it to you,
or I could just keep inputting
data and actually get us there,
- which is what I think you want.
- teeth take up most of his face.
With what little space that's left
being dedicated to his eyebrows,
it leaves you in a position of not
being sure what brush to reach for.
Paul Keating, on the other hand,
rarely if ever reveals a tooth,
for obvious reasoning.
Paul, I'm narrowing my focus to
the eight seats I'm listing here.
Could I ask you to update me as
- soon as any of these figures come in?
- Yeah.
And also, let me know what
happens at 7:45 on News At Six.
800 calls you made for what?!
His office said they tried to call.
It was a last-minute
change just this afternoon.
The results were looking
tight, so Keating wanted
to stay in Bankstown
instead of come to Canberra.
- Fuck me sideways!
- Just give me this.
Send the link truck to Bankstown
and do it as a live cross.
Well, I HAVE sent a link truck,
but there's a technical issue here.
Our OB van isn't getting return
audio. They can't work out why.
But right now, Keating wouldn't be
able to hear us. We need a studio.
Give me that thing, will you?
Listen, Noelene, I want
you to tell me this.
I want to hear it from you
that both our relentlessly
advertised features
the 7:45 verdict and Paul
fucking Keating live
has come a gutser!
Y-y yeah, just
There's a studio in Parliament House.
They use it for live crosses
every now and then, OK?
You're gonna have to
send Dale or Helen there.
- How far away is it?
- I don't know! It's Canberra!
It's a glorified country town.
Look, I'm just gonna make some
phone calls, right? Just
- Is that off?! Have I turned it off?
- Er
I think we'll win, but, uh
it's just silly to jump in too quickly.
Certainly, you wouldn't be
So, I hear you're a bit
of a sailing man, Charlie?
Not really.
and John Mildren's got
some ground to make up. That's one
You've got one minute, Trevor.
Sorry, I presently
cannot focus my left eye.
I think I think I
think that we just have to
we just have to say that the
guarantee's just not gonna happen.
No, we can't put it like that.
We have to say that we're
in uncharted territory,
that we're on a knife's edge.
But it might not actually
be a knife's edge.
- OK, we're a ship tossed at sea.
- And in 10!
That doesn't even make any sense.
Just take the CEO out of your head.
- I'm not thinking of the CEO.
- Jesus Christ!
"The result has defied the most
advanced computer technology,
- and all we can do is sit and wait."
- OK.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, we
have hit that crucial time of 7:45
and we have found ourselves
in uncharted territory.
They say that the news never stops.
Dale, I think we can add to that.
The news can never truly
deliver a guarantee.
- What, is that a sledge at the promo?
- With 5% of the vote now counted,
the results have defied
our state-of-the-art
Datamax computer system.
- So, ladies and gentlemen
- Jesus Christ!
you're just gonna
have to keep watching,
'cause it looks like we're in
for a roller-coaster of a night.
There are a million people
changing the channel right now.
I should Should I go get Lindsay?
Who dropped the ball
here, mate? Was it Noelene?
Uh, no. Absolutely not. But sh
I'll just see if I can find him.
Do that, get rid of the data bloke,
and tell Lindsay to get
Keating on that fuckin' desk.
The News At Six didn't call it.
They're still just reading
individual seat results.
I would describe it as very boring.
I need you to give me
one more update on Barton
and, uh one more on Rankin.
Rankin and Barton. OK.
And, Paddy?
I'd say five minutes.
Five. Four
Well, let's have a
look at some of the ALP seats
where the Liberal Party is leading.
First up, Chisholm
Chisholm is in Victoria,
currently held by Helen
Mayer by a margin of 0.2%.
The Liberal Party
candidate, Dr Wooldridge,
has run a very high-profile campaign.
Dr Wooldridge is sitting on
47.6% of the primary vote.
If that trajectory maintains,
Dr Wooldridge will probably
be the new member for Chisholm.
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
Mr Walters has been furiously
doing his sums, and
and, uh, it looks as though he
has something that he wants to say.
- Yes, Paddy.
- Oh. Kay.
- Now, thus far, we've been focused on the
- Darling?
percentage of the overall
vote, but in fact, the result
is always going to be dictated
by the number of seats.
- Is he calling it?
- I think so.
The Labor government came in
tonight with a 16-seat advantage.
Their overall vote is clearly
down, but, Paddy, as I see it,
for the Labor government
to lose tonight,
they would need to lose the five
following seats, and they are
Hinkler, Barton, Rankin, Bendigo and
As it stands,
I believe Labor can be very
confident holding all five.
So, on the basis of that,
I am prepared to declare
Labor, the Hawke government
the winner tonight.
is Peter Paroulakis
and the Labor
Well, Dale, it sounds like some good
news has emerged from down there.
You heard it here
first. Geoff Walters
veteran of so many federal
elections, has declared that
Ohh! Live telly, eh? It's like
juggling eggs on a roller-coaster!
But, mate, Charlie, I think we're
definitely well and truly on track.
a convincing victory.
- Walters just called it for Hawke.
- convincing, Paddy.
There's clearly a lot of
voter discontent out there,
frankly, both sides, but
ultimately, it was the
Lindsay? Mmm?
Coalition losses in Queensland
Where is Paul Keating?
Do you think this loss will
mark the end of John Howard
Dennis, where is Paul Keating?
Certainly not. I don't think
so. John Howard put in a
We might
We'll go to a break and we'll
be back with so much more,
including, hopefully, that
result in just a moment.
Geoff just called it for Labor.
What? What? No, hang on, hang on.
I-I don't know how you can say that
with so little of the West
Australian vote counted.
Trevor, I'm gonna have to
ask you to step off camera
for the rest of the telecast.
Come on, mate. 30 seconds!
I-I-I'm just 10 10
minutes. That's all I need.
Dale and Helen will call
the result themselves.
- Yep. OK.
- I'm really sorry.
- I also have a Keating update.
- Yeah?
I think we still have
him, but not on our desk.
He didn't come to Canberra
this afternoon. I'm so sorry.
There's a link truck already
heading out to him in Bankstown
OK, so then it's just a cross?
Yes, but unfortunately not with you.
Our OB van is having issues with
return audio. We need a studio.
And the closest studio is
out in Parliament House.
OK, well, that's that's
that's 10 minutes. We can do that.
- No. No. Hang on, hang on
- I can get us there in 10.
Including leaving here and setting
up is probably more like 20,
and Charlie's demanding that
he be interviewed right now.
You get me Charlie Tate
on the phone right now!
- I don't have his number!
- Here we go!
- I don't care what he thinks.
- Helen
Call Parliament, tell them we're using
the studio. We'll be there right now.
If we don't have a Keating
interview, then all we've got
is a failed guarantee and some
fucking jokes about Hawke's teeth!
Go, go! As fast as you possibly can!
Welcome back to the national
tally room in Canberra,
where a sense of jubilation has taken
root amongst the Labor supporters
with the breaking news
that Bob Hawke will be re-elected
prime minister of Australia
for a historic third term.
Um, head out and turn left.
What are your celebration plans now?
Oh, uh, several cups of tea.
This is gonna be the highlight
of the telecast, trust me.
- 30 seconds!
- So, um,
are you just imagining more
comedic observations or?
Just ask me the same questions
you'd ask a political analyst
and let me answer.
Don't worry about being funny.
- And here we go.
- Hey.
- What's that?
- It's straight vodka.
I haven't had a sip of water all night.
Seven! Six!
Uh, my face goes red with spirits.
You're wearing make-up.
A victorious Bob Hawke
there in Melbourne
after a third election victory,
and with me now is noted
political analyst Mr Gerry Carroll.
- So, Gerry
- Mmm?
You told me that Keating was on his way.
Er, Charlie it'll be on in a second.
It'll be well worth the wait.
Keating will put on a good show.
You just sit tight.
Uh, well, Dale,
I think Johnny will probably move
towards his natural calling in life,
which has always been
suburban solicitor
- Right.
- and I think we should be happy for him.
No, no, no, no, no. Sorry,
I meant the next one. The next one.
So, ultimately, this result
comes as no surprise to you?
Oh, no.
Look, Dale, I have my very
own election barometer,
and it works every time.
What you do is you look at the
number one sportsman in that country
and you ask yourself,
who would they vote for?
Here in 1987, it's clearly
Wimbledon champ Pat Cash,
And if you imagine Mr Cash sitting there
weighing up Hawke versus Howard
well, there's really no question.
I like this. This is a better tone.
- Yeah, it's not bad, is it?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Absolutely. Absolutely agree.
In 1954, he skols two and
a half pints of beer
- OK.
- Put that on that shit background.
- Beg your pardon?
- Can you help me?
- What? Oh. Yes.
- Go on the other side.
Um Keating's eyeline is to the
screen, not to the camera, so
- Just match that?
- Uh-huh.
Trig, could you get in
Keating's position, please?
- What time is it now?
- Uh, 20:13.
- 20:13. OK.
- It's still good. It's still good.
Now, did you say he lost
votes in his own electorate?
Uh, yes. 5%.
5%. OK, great. Um, good.
And, Gerry, if you had to name
one highlight from tonight?
Well, apart from the biscuits, Dale,
I think my highlight was
learning a few brand-new words.
My favourite being 'scrutineer'.
Well, a potential new
career for you, Gerry?
Well, look, all I know about
it, Dale, is that they scrute,
and God knows I've always
been partial to a quick scrute.
Well, famously so.
Right now, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a News At Six exclusive.
We are going to cross to Helen Norville,
who will be speaking to
our re-elected treasurer
- You alright?
- Yeah, I'm standing by.
- OK.
- You're on in five.
He's one of the most bold and
influential men in the country
and, at 43, many predict
our next prime minister.
Joining me from Bankstown in Sydney,
please welcome Treasurer Paul Keating.
Yeah! Yes! Yes!
- You beauty.
- Bob Hawke
thinks that he'll be here
for the next three years at least.
Are you happy to wait?
Oh, yes, I When when
Bob is good and ready to go
- All those phone calls.
- Yeah.
- They paid off, mate.
- Yeah.
those who fancy
ourselves as his successor
then get an opportunity
to propose ourselves
to the government, to the caucus.
But that's a matter for our party
and, uh, it'll all occur in its time.
Opposition Leader John Howard had
to contend with a lot of disunity.
You enjoy total party unity, but
your personal vote was down 5%.
- She is grilling him.
- Do you feel that you won tonight by default?
I think there's a lot of
rewriting history going on today.
- She looks great.
- The government won this election.
I think Mr Howard debased
the political currency.
I mean, I think he ran
on the most disreputable and
irresponsible financial policy
of any leader in this
country in the last 20 years
and he deserved the
loss that he's taken.
And so I'd guess that you
would prefer John Howard
to stay on as Opposition Leader
as opposed to returning the
leadership to Andrew Peacock?
Oh, she's going for it.
She's going for it. Good girl.
But as far as Peacock's concerned,
I mean, let me put the
rhetorical question,
can a souffle rise twice?
That's the quote! That's our quote!
Yeah, I don't know, boys, is it just me
or is she just a hair
too uh aggressive?
Yeah. Just a hair.
some substantial good news.
We're gonna see inflation
continuing to abate.
A disappointed but stoic
John Howard conceded that his
I'll see you soon?
- Yes.
- Mwah.
- Drive safely.
- Yep. Always do.
- Bye.
- Bye.
And whatever differences
that divide us politically,
and they are important differences
and they will remain
important differences,
those things that
unite us as Australians
are much greater and more enduring
than those things that divide us.
Mr Howard congratulated Mr Hawke
- Can I let you in on something?
- Yeah.
I'm not registered to
vote in this country.
No No, no, seriously.
I've just hosted your national election
and I can't even vote.
I don't know whether I
should be ashamed or proud of that.
- You did, obviously.
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
- You and Helen are living together.
- Yeah.
Yeah, living in sin, as my mother
likes to point out.
Are you thinking of changing that?
Um we haven't
really discussed it yet.
- You've been together a while.
- Yeah. A year.
Maybe you're not the marrying type.
Wait, what does that mean?
I don't know, you strike me as a bit
open to possibilities.
Uh, it's a compliment.
The best people are.
I am.
- Sorry, maybe I am
- Alright.
I am a pretty boring person.
I don't think so.
- Ah. Here she is!
- Hello, hello!
- Oh!
- Oh!
- God, I'm glad that's over.
- Hey. You were brilliant.
- Thank you.
- Brilliant.
He talked so much that I only got
through a third of my questions.
- Was it OK really?
- You were great. Yeah.
- Mwah.
- Drink?
- Um
- You must be tired.
- Uh, no, I'll take a double.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Uh, vodka soda, please.
- Sure.
- Hoo!
Oh, my God!
What time is, um is checkout?
Uh 10, I think.
Hey, I think Gerry just
tried to proposition me.
Well, I could be wrong, but it
definitely seemed like it.
What what, um what happened?
Were you interested?
Are you sure?
'Cause he would make sense.
I mean, he he'd be, um
he'd be discreet and
and private, and
his wife's a very powerful woman, so
he he would be
a logical option.
I don't want that option.
Do you?
No, I I don't.
I want
I want just us. I want just
just you and me.
So do I.
But I want you to keep
talking to me about it.
- I don't need to.
- But if anything changes
- It's not gonna change.
- But if it if it does
It won't.
I'm expecting the call in
the next couple of minutes.
Do not touch the phones.
- We got numbers?
- Not yet.
- Should be any minute.
- Ah.
- Are the numbers in?
- Should be soon.
We don't have to sit around
just waiting for them.
Yep. Good. Right. Yep.
Thank you.
No, it was bloody Wardrobe going on
about those bloody sports jackets!
What's wrong with them? They're great.
Geoff Walters speaking.
Yes. Right.
Of course. Yes.
Yep. Good-o.
Yeah, thank you!
Well, it, uh
1.9 million.
We won. We thrashed Geoff!
Get about it!
Jean, you crack open the
piss! The special stuff!
- Come on, hey? Get about it!
- Well done, you! Well done
Hey, Noels. Hey. Could I
ask you to help me with a
- Yeah, of course bit?
- Yep?
Ha! Yes!
OK. Whoo, whoo, whoo.
They said we collapsed at 7:45.
Never recovered.
That stupid bloody
News At Six guarantee.
A cheap trick.
Maybe that's what
people want these days.
Cheap tricks.
And that network has
spent an absolute fortune
on utterly false advertising.
Helen's being promoted as
this woman of gravitas.
She's far from that. Think
what we know about her.
- Huh!
- And from what I hear,
that's the tip of the iceberg.
You've maintained a dignified silence.
It's time the truth about her emerged.
You know you know you know
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
Wh-what it was was
it was the guarantee.
Mate, we didn't even have to deliver!
It was just the promise of it.
It was a stroke of genius,
mate. Well done, you.
Yeah, I actually think
Gerry was the main drawcard.
He was good. He was good, wasn't
he? Surprisingly to some people.
But, you know, I like to think
the, um the whole team
You were right about
Dale. He's getting there.
It's just, uh
Mate, she was great under Geoff.
It's just, as a headliner
I don't know what it is. I
think she's just sort of
too dominant over Dale and
she's really aggressive and
I reckon we give her a couple
of months to pull it in.
If she can't
we talk replacements.
Sure. No complaints this end on that.
But, you know, it could be
a little bit tricky. They, uh
they are a couple.
Yeah, it's not my problem.
No. Of course it's not. It's theirs.
Good plan. Very good plan.
Well, happy days. And well
done well done again
I mean, did he show any
humility at all, or?
Well, you know, he was
he was Charlie.
But, um, he did say
congratulations. So
- Ah.
- Well, that was nice of him.
I think I think a
toast is called for. Uh
To the person who will
appreciate our victory the most.
Here's to Geoff Walters.
He can blow it out his arse!
Dennis asked me today
if we were a couple.
What did you say?
If you don't see us having a
future together, just tell me.
You know what's at stake
for me if we tell the office!
Breaking news from
the heart of Melbourne
as terror unfolds on
a Clifton Hill street.
The whole country is on the
brink of a colossal change
and it is our job to report it.
A civilian was able
to walk into a shop
- Ohh!
- on High Street and walk out
with a military-grade
weapon made for war zones!
- Am I cutting around that or?
- No. I mean, we should keep it.
Run the bloody things,
then. With a big graphic.
- "First on the scene."
- Oh!
If it bleeds, it leads.
And the approach taken
by the network in question
represents a troubling new low.
Mostly they're complaints about you!
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