The Office (US) s03e07 Episode Script

Branch Closing

Who are you faxing so early in the morning? Kind of hard to explain.
I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch.
But before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery.
So from time to time, I send Dwight faxes from himself from the future.
"Dwight, at 8:00 a.
Today someone poisons the coffee.
"Do not drink the coffee.
More instructions will follow.
"Cordially, Future Dwight.
" No! You'll thank me later.
There she is.
Jan Levinson first thing in the morning.
Love to start my day with a hearty bowl of Jan! Michael.
Just call me Levinson in the morning, baby Michael.
I'm here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
I don't understand.
The Board voted last night to close your branch.
On whom's authority? The Board's.
What? I'm very sorry.
I don't relish telling you this.
You've been a big part of this company, and the Board asked me to thank you for your years of service.
You're welcome.
A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Am I a "small number" person or a "severance package" person? Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet.
But you're a "severance package" person.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! No! What are they talking about? I don't know.
Is it serious? I don't know, Kev.
If you find out anything, call me.
You got it, buddy.
Are you all right, Michael? Do you want me to get you some No, no, no.
A water or a tissue? All right.
All right.
You know what, I don't get it.
I don't I don't get it, because our numbers aren't that bad, things are looking up.
It's not all about numbers, Michael.
Well It's about talent.
Oh, you gotta Josh? Our CFO believes that Josh Josh.
is going to play an important role in our company's future.
Oh, really.
What role is that? King of the stupid universe? Okay.
Don't do this, Jan.
I think we're finished and I need to go.
We are not I would appreciate it if you would please use discretion until we get our ducks in a row.
I know you're mad, but don't do this to me.
I know I hurt you, but please do not do this to me.
Don't hurt me like I hurt you.
It is an outrage.
That's all.
It's They are making a huge, huge mistake.
Let's see Josh replace these people.
Let's see Josh find another Stanley.
Do you think Stanleys grow on trees? Well, they don't.
There is no Stanley tree.
Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm.
With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place ripe for the plucking.
Show me that farm.
Look at that.
They grow up so fast.
Hey, stranger.
Don't say that.
That just sounds weird.
Sorry, I just feel like we haven't talked in a while.
Well, we have nothing to talk about, Dwight.
Just do your work.
While you still can.
When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense.
You can read their moods like a book.
And right now, the title of Michael's book is Something Weird is Going On: What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story.
By Michael Scott with Dwight Schrute.
Hey, did you hear about your friends in Pennsylvania? Rumor has it that the Scranton branch is Really? Wow, that's bad.
Scranton branch is closing? In your face.
Well, I work here now.
Are you okay? Yeah, great, amazing.
Best physical condition of my life.
What did Jan want? Nothing.
Just checking in.
I can't tell you, so What can't you tell me? Nothing, Pam.
What difference does it make? We'll all be gone in a few weeks anyway.
What? What? You just said that we're gonna be gone? Do I have any messages? Michael, what's going on? I don't know.
What did Jan say to you? Was she mean to you? Nothing.
No, she Okay.
Listen up, everybody, I have some news.
All I can do right now is put on a brave face and go out there and be their leader.
It's over.
We are screwed.
Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.
Michael, we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
You knew about this all along, didn't you? Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
You are a traitor.
What about us, Michael? Do we still have jobs? I don't know.
Probably not.
This is the worst! So this has been great! So let's get back to work and do the best job that we can.
Toby, I'd like to see you in my office, please.
All right.
Oh, my God.
You walk so slowly.
It makes perfect sense that it would happen today.
Because I just received this in the mail.
A thousand business cards with this address and phone number.
I don't want to blame anyone in particular.
I think everyone's to blame.
If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself.
Like Romeo + Juliet.
The Claire Danes one.
Stamford, Connecticut! Stamford, Connecticut! What happened? I think the word got out about Scranton.
Hey, do you know any more details on that? Like, is Am I transferring here? You know, nothing's definite.
In fact, you know what Excuse me, everyone.
I know there are some rumors going around, but nothing is definite.
All right? You guys have done a great job getting our numbers up around here.
But until this thing is official, let's just keep working, huh? You know, be professional.
Ladies and gentlemen, our fearless leader, Josh Porter! Josh, take a bow.
Take a bow! I think it would be kind of weird if everyone from Scranton came here.
It'd be like going to your high school reunion and you saying, "Hey, I missed you guys.
" And then they're all like, "Oh, don't worry about it.
"We're all going to move in with you "forever.
" Yeah.
Meredith, hello.
Tough day? Yes.
So, listen, I know you're seeing someone, but I'm still willing if you are.
What willing? You remember.
Like six years ago we said that on our last day of work that we would sleep together.
I did not say that.
Was that not you? No.
Not me.
Never mind.
The day just gets worse and worse.
It's a blessing in disguise.
Actually, not even in disguise.
In my fantasy, I always thought I would slap someone, make a big speech and storm out forever.
But this is good, too.
You're kidding? No.
What does that mean? Well, some of us are fired, and a few are going to Connecticut.
Do you guys know who's going where? Don't worry.
You're going to be fine, Roy.
You're very strong and capable.
Oh, grow up.
I don't want to work here without Pam.
It'll just be like loading trucks without any meaning, you know.
I couldn't be happier.
I'm gonna take the severance and retire.
My wife and I are gonna travel.
I really couldn't be happier.
Feeling nostalgic? Yeah, nostalgic.
Hey, Mike.
Noble Darryl.
Look, I heard about the office.
Tough break.
I know, I know.
Well, I'll land on my feet.
Don't worry about me.
I wasn't.
So you'll be okay, too.
You're a warrior, you're smart, capable.
You'll find something else and Actually, Bob Vance bought out the warehouse.
So he's keeping on the whole crew, so we're good.
This is my house.
The CFO's taking away my house and giving it to Josh.
And Josh is giving the garage to Bob Vance.
All right.
Listen up.
Some of you may have heard some rumors about the branch closing.
Like when you said the branch was closing? But I am not going to take this lying down.
I have a plan, and I am going to save our jobs, so just hang in there.
Let's go.
Yes! Oh, good, you're bringing Dwight.
This might get ugly and we need backup.
What's the plan? We go to New York, confront the CFO.
Show him he's making a mistake, save the branch.
Can I drive? No way.
Shotgun! No, there's no one else.
Still Thank you very much.
Okay, secretary says Wallace is away for the day and won't be coming back into the office.
But do not worry.
I have his home address right here.
Why? Christmas card list.
You send him cards? You've never met him.
But when I do, we'll have something to talk about.
Hey, do you have a second? Sure, what's up? I know it's not definite or whatever, but do you know who's coming over here from Scranton? I honestly don't I don't know.
Okay, so is it like Sales or accountants or You know what, Jim? I wouldn't worry about it.
What does that mean? Hi! Jan, hey.
Oh, good, you're both here.
Ready to talk logistics? I just feel like it could have been something special if we could have kept working together, but I'm gonna go someplace else, and you're gonna go someplace else.
It just doesn't make sense.
This kind of worked out perfectly for me.
I got some good experience, Michael's gonna write me a great recommendation.
And as far as me and Kelly goes, I think it's for the best.
Okay! This is it! This is exactly what Michael Moore does.
Famous documentarian.
He goes up to people with a camera and he's like, "Why did you do this? Why did you pollute? "You are bad, you're a bad person.
" It's very dramatic.
Although I can't say I was a big fan of Bowling for Columbine.
Because I thought it was gonna be a bowling movie, like Kingpin.
And it wasn't.
It was something else.
So Josh will be running what is now called Dunder Mifflin Northeast, which is all the offices north of Stamford.
And, Jim, if you want the job, you'll be his number two.
Wow! Sure, absolutely.
Excuse me, Jan, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to stop you there.
I will not be taking the job.
What Excuse me Why not? As of today, I have accepted a senior management position at Staples.
Today? You leveraged your new position with us into another offer? Damn it, Josh, this whole restructuring thing was based around keeping you.
I I'm sorry, all right.
It's done.
It's done.
I gotta make some calls.
Excuse me, I'm sorry, Jim.
Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that.
All visible points of access are covered.
So, do you know what you're going to say when he shows up? I will improvise.
I will speak from the heart.
Bad idea.
You need an attack plan.
Here, I'll be him, you be you.
Let's practice.
All right.
Coming home from work.
Excuse me! Mr.
Wallace? David Wallace? Yes.
What is the meaning of this? Can you tell us why you are shutting down Scranton and putting 15 people out of work? Well, the branch is no longer financially viable.
It's simple dollars and cents.
Yes, but these are employees, sir.
These are human beings.
Listen, Scott.
It's no longer financially viable.
We're losing money, okay? It's not a charity, it's a business.
And it's a dying business.
Look, the whole business model of the small, regional paper company simply doesn't make sense anymore.
Stop it, just Okay, he's not gonna say any of that.
Well, hey, why not? Because he'd be intimidated, and I just Let's start again.
Just be more scared of me, okay? Don't touch me this time.
Excuse me, Mr.
Wallace? Coming home from work.
Pam, would you please sign my company directory.
Are you serious? Sure.
Best wishes.
Love, Pam.
" "P.
"What a long, strange trip it's been.
" So, we are still scrambling here, but it looks like Scranton is going to absorb Stamford.
And I know that you just left there a couple months ago, but we would like to offer you the number two position at that branch.
Thank you.
No, it's just I'm not sure if I Well, to be quite honest with you, Jan, I have a few unpleasant memories of Scranton and Michael.
No! No, no, just some personal stuff.
And I'm not really ready to revisit that, I don't think.
Well, please think about it.
And call me, we will do whatever we can to get you to stay.
Hey, Meredith, how're you holding up? I'm fine.
Hey, did we ever have a conversation about doing something on the last day of work? Does that ring a bell? No.
I don't think so.
Do you remember hearing a rumor about me and anybody, last day of work Something sexual? No.
I'm kind of okay with it, actually.
Oh, that's good.
That's great.
Do you know what you're going to do then? Well, you know, I've got art school.
Oh, that's Yeah, of course.
You should totally do that.
That's a great idea.
I am.
I started a while ago.
Wow, that's terrific.
That's awesome.
Well, cool.
I'm glad you're doing that.
You can learn a great deal about a man from his trash.
Case in point.
Satellite TV bill.
Lesson learned? He's rich.
Coffee grounds.
Was he enjoying a delicious, hot beverage? Or disguising the scent of cocaine from drug-sniffing dogs? It's a nice house.
Hey, guys, I'm trying to organize a little group lunch for everybody since, you know, we're never gonna see each other again.
Where are we going? I thought maybe Dee Jay's? How about Cugino's? I don't want to go all the way to Dunmore.
How about Cooper's, then? No seafood.
But I don't wanna go to Dee Jay's.
Oh, now all of a sudden you get picky? Okay.
Forget it.
$400 for the CPU.
Here, replenish your fluids.
Where's Michael? He's not here.
I don't know where he is.
Wait What's going on here? We know the branch is closing.
Michael told us.
Oh, God.
You know what, everybody? I'm sure there's a better way to do this, but I've driven something like 400 miles today, and I'm completely exhausted, so I'm just gonna tell you.
Your branch is not closing.
Stamford is closing.
For the time being, it seems that all of your jobs are safe.
Yes! Stanley! Is it because of Michael? Did he actually do something? Well, reasons are not important.
Would you just call him, please, wherever he is and tell him.
Jan, do you know, is anyone coming back to Scranton? Back? Coming to Scranton.
Is anyone coming to Scranton? You know, we don't know.
Probably a few.
Maybe we should take a break, get some food.
We could miss him.
I'm really hungry.
Yeah, me, too.
Who is it? The office.
Are you gonna get it? No, not until I have some good news for them.
Not until I have some good news.
Dunder Mifflin Action News.
Jim Halpert, will Big Tuna be transferring to Scranton? I don't know.
Jan offered me the job, but I haven't really decided yet.
Well, even if I don't get transferred, I'll probably be fine.
Cornell has an extensive alumni network, so We look out for each other.
I'll probably go back and teach or something.
Where'd you go to college? Cornell.
That's good.
I guess some new people might be coming from Stamford.
Which should be fun.
New blood.
Is Jim coming back? That's I hadn't thought about it.
I don't know.
I just don't want it to be weird, you know.
I mean, I took his old job and his old desk.
Yeah, you know, that might be weird.
Overall, though, we still all have our jobs, so good news, right? Oh, yeah, totally.
I am so happy we don't have to break up now, Ryan! It is the best day of my whole life! I don't know.
I can't explain it.
What are you gonna do? I really don't know.
How you doing with all this? You know, I'm fine.
I'll be better when I know if I have a job.
You'd actually move to Scranton? Yeah, if they let me, I think I would.
New York City is 45 minutes down the road from here.
And you wanna move to Scranton.
I don't know, if I were you, I'd move to New York.
Yeah, you know, I might do that.
I might Who knows? I might do that.
God! Hey, Andy! What's up, Josh? I just wanted to say thanks, good luck.
Thanks, man, you, too, totally.
Oh, well.
What can you do? It was nice to have those few hours when I thought it was over.
Now, I have something to look forward to.
Hey, Creed.
Thank you.
I made like 1,200 bucks.
Meredith Palmer.
Hey, gorgeous.
Who's this? Gary Trundell from the old days who worked in the warehouse.
Oh, hey.
Hey, gal, listen.
I heard through the grapevine that your branch is closing.
That got me to thinking about our deal.
Remember? Oh, yes.
Well, actually, the branch is Can you be at my place in 20 minutes? Yes, I can.
Anything? Nothing.
What if this doesn't work? What if the office actually goes under? Then it was an honor to have worked with you.
All right.
Favorite moments in Dunder Mifflin history.
My first day when you hazed me by spraying me with the fire extinguisher.
That was hilarious.
The foam.
My first sale.
My promotion to assistant regional manager.
Our basketball game.
And when you took me to the hospital and told me that you cared about me.
All right, okay, that's enough, that's good.
What were your favorite moments? All of them.
I loved them all.
Every single one of them.
What about when Jan said the branch was closing? God, Dwight.
Well, it Hey, Pam, we're going to Poor Richard's.
Creed's buying shots.
No thanks, guys.
All right.
Have fun, though.
Hey, I hear Jim's coming back.
Really? Where'd you hear that? Hey, Ryan, you coming? Well, I was Yeah, we'll meet you there.
Let's go, Phyll.
I'll tell you later.
Crazy day, huh? Yeah.
I'm really glad you're still gonna be working here.
Yeah, me, too.
I mean, it'd be a pain to have to find another job, so Yeah, totally.
All right, I'll see you.
I was expecting a severance, some time off.
But maybe this is good.
Finding another job is a pain.
There's another annoying boss, another desk.
I'd have to learn everything all over again.
So, there are reasons to stay.
Hey, I think I am gonna take that job.
And Scranton, it's not that bad.
So, if they offer you a job there, I think you should take it.
Okay, yeah, maybe I will.
Yeah, I'm happy he said that.
I mean, I don't think he's into me or anything, but I'm kind of into him, so there you go.
What are we still doing here? It's over.
Let's go home.
Get the car.
Oh, this was such a stupid idea.
This was so stupid.
I am such a stupid idiot.
I let everybody down.
Everybody hates me.
I lost everybody's jobs! Nobody likes me anymore! Oh, my God! What? Stamford is closed! Michael, we're not closed! Stamford is closed! Stamford is closed! Is it? We did it! We did it! We did it! You did it! We did it! We did it! Yeah! We did it! Right here! Right here! Yeah, baby! In your face! We did it.
Oh, man! How did we do it? I don't know.
I have no idea.
I don't understand.
Well, for a minute there, I saw myself selling my house, moving to Costa Rica, learning how to surf.
But Costa Rica will still be there when I'm 65.