The Office (US) s04e13 Episode Script

Job Fair

Ready? Come on! Show me excited.
- Yes! - Yeah.
I'm pretty excited too.
Today I'm headed over to the Job Fair at Valley View High School to find some new interns.
Wanna get some fresh blood youthanize this place.
- We doin' this thing? - Yeah.
Oh, my god, Darryl.
You look like Barack Obama.
Everybody, I'm dating Barack Obama.
- Why you dressed like that? - Like what? Like you're applying for a loan.
Maybe he's going to church.
Or court.
Figured I'd look presentable.
You went a different way.
- You look nice.
- Thank you.
Here's what we're going to do.
I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales.
Oscar will be in charge of accounting.
Pam will be eye candy.
No, and also because that is your alma mater.
Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse.
No need to worry with them because they definitely ain't goin' to college.
What college did you go to, Mike? Let's go! Today I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because Ryan put me on probation.
You remember Ryan.
He was the temp here.
And It is not a good time for me to lose my job since I have some pretty big long-term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about.
So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I've never done before Try.
It's been a couple of years.
Hey, Jim, how are ya? Nice to see you, man.
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no.
My grandfather would be spinning in his urn if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy.
You take that shirt off right now, or I will take it off for you, sir.
I am totally and completely kidding! Andy Bernard.
Cornell, '95.
Phil Maguire, Dartmouth, '74.
- Got some blisties.
- Yeah, you do.
Hit about 1,200 balls last night in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender.
It's actually not funny at all.
It's incredibly painful.
Let's make it interesting.
Say 10 bucks a hole? - Great.
- What are we talkin'? Skins? Acey deucy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies, barkies, arnies? Wolf? What? I'm gonna take this petty cash that I got from Oscar and turn it into next month's rent.
So many memories in this old gym.
Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball.
Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball.
Those were the days.
Little over the top, don't you think? Show 'em what you brought, Mike.
- That's all we brought.
- This is all we need.
- We'll see.
- Yes, we will see, Oscar.
We will see, because a blank sheet of paper equals endless possibilities.
All right.
We are open for business.
- Andy, you're up.
Let's go.
- Giddy-up.
Let's do this.
People assume I'm great at golf, but like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid, so I used to just hang out with the sailing club instead.
Got my knot on.
Damn it! Guys, do we have to stay all day? I mean, Michael's gone.
Can't we just go? Yeah.
And I finished my work months ago.
Excuse me, people.
It has come to my attention that some of you have forgotten who is in charge here.
When Michael is gone, Jim is in charge.
When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge.
When Andy is gone, you answer to me.
Okay? Excuse me, where do you think you're going? Oh, no, no.
You're not leaving.
No! Stanley.
Do not walk out that door! If you walk out that door, so help me, I will He left.
Last time I checked, the american workday ends at 5:00 P.
You will all stay at your desks until that time or you will suffer the consequences.
What consequences? I will tell on you.
There's some filing, restocking the supply shelves, replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do.
We - eat a lot of cake.
- Cool.
Yeah, and you know, you basically, you learn how an office runs.
- Hello.
- So Hi.
Can I talk to you for a sec? - Excuse me.
- This is Michael, my boss.
Hey remember what we talked about in the car on the way out? "Only the best and the brightest"? He's nice, and he seems interested.
He's totally wrong, Pam.
- Hi.
- How you doin'? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you should limit himself.
You could do whatever you wanna do.
You could be a classy janitor or a cashier with dignity or a migraine worker.
Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby.
- Sorry for wasting your time.
- Oh, no problem.
And he signed! He put his name on the piece of Okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams, and he just made it into a stupid piece of paper.
We need another one immediately.
The booth is lame without it.
- I only brought the one.
- Are you mental? Michael, do you remember you specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper? You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference.
And I said, "Are you sure, Michael?" And you said, "Pam, Pam, Pam.
" And then you sneezed in my tea.
And then you said, "Don't worry.
It's allergies.
" Do you remember that? I don't.
I'll go look for another one.
And that is why I need a smart intern.
So how's the direct mail business going? I can't complain.
People love their junk mail.
Now, are you gettin' all your paper from PPC, or You know what, Jim? I'm not really looking to change things up right now.
I just came out here to get out of the office, so why don't we just play, okay? Absolutely.
Will do.
So I guess I'll just work on my short game.
Hello, there.
What is this company? Well, it's funny that you should ask, because it's really - more than a company.
- Dunder Mifflin.
- Thanks.
- It Okay Damn it, Oscar! Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth.
But kids are very wary of being lured these days.
Thank you, dateline.
Thank you.
- Extension 128.
- Hiya, pumpkin.
It's Creed.
Say we're gonna ditch this bitch You in? - No.
- You out? Pumpkin's out! Let's go, gang.
My old art room.
Oh! Maybe it's still here.
No, they must have taken it down.
Never mind.
- What do you want? - Michael, I know you're swamped.
I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left except for Angela and I.
Do not worry, though.
I have taken down their names, and I have docked them a personal day.
Who cares? I'm not there, neither's Jim.
Why should they have to be there? So what else is up? Mich Thank you! Wha What is this? - Piece of paper.
- This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper.
It's some sort of Pendleton crap.
I think they'll get the spirit of it.
Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam! We're dying here.
I want you to go back to the office, and I want you to get the real stuff.
I want you to get ultra white card stock.
- Are you serious? - Yes.
And don't call me Shirley.
Ah, damn it! You could just pick it up, take the triple bogey.
Yeah, I I'll get it out.
Thank you.
Come on, Tuna! Hey.
Can't really talk now.
What's up? Just checkin' in.
How's it going? You know.
We'll see.
We'll see.
I just drove 20 miles round trip back to the office to get Michael a single sheet of white paper.
So I could have just had them fax it to me, I guess.
Oh, I like you.
Talk to you later? Yeah, all right.
All right.
I'm sorry, I got to annoy you one more time.
What if I bring down shipping costs? You can try.
But I looked at your prices.
Even with free shipping doesn't work.
It's just it's not in the stars, Jim.
- Yeah - All right, race to the next hole! Winner gets ten bucks.
Wait wait for me! - Andy! - Shortcut! Shortcut! I fell in the sand trap.
All of these jobs suck.
I would rather live jobless on a beach somewhere off the money from a large inheritance than to have to work in any one of these crapholes.
They suck.
Game over.
- Hi.
- Justincase.
- What's your last name? - Polznik.
"This just in: "Justin Polznik.
" Justin is the ugly girl in the movie who takes off her glasses, and she's hot.
And you realize that she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses, and that you were the blind one.
He's the most important thing in my life right now.
I want you to meet my family.
Come on.
Oscar Martinez, accountant extraordinaire.
- This is Justin.
- Hey.
This is Darryl Philbin.
Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie.
She will do you.
But she has already dated two guys in the office that we know of, so this could be number three, you never Come here.
I would never say this to her face, but she's a wonderful person - and a gifted artist.
- Why wouldn't you say that to her face? So What do you think? Think these guys are nice? Guys I didn't bring are even better.
Justin I'm willing to commit right now.
Would you do me the honor of spending the summer with us at Dunder Mifflin? I think I think you are very special.
You didn't want me before.
- That's what you said.
- No, I didn't.
You were you were kind of a jerk to me.
I And I'm gonna go now.
Why don't Bless you.
Thank you.
Okay, Jim, you owe me 120.
And Phil, you owe me 230.
Let's open a tab, 'cause you and me are gonna be playin' more often.
- Count me in.
- No.
All right.
You had some fun and and got paid for it.
So let me just get my last shot in there.
- Is there anything you can do for me? - I'll tell you what.
My fiscal year ends in two months.
Let's talk then.
- Sound good? - Absolutely.
Good playing with you guys.
You know, it's a tough thing seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap, but I had to give Phil credit for not quitting.
Which is what I told him.
I also told him that I don't quit either and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business.
Which he then did, after So I am now his paper supplier.
And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feelin' pretty good.
The Job Fair will be closing in five minutes.
Eighth period will commence as scheduled.
Hold down the fort.
I have to do something.
Excuse me.
If you can hear me, I would like you to look around at all these companies and know that none of them are good enough for you.
H&R block? Come on! I mean, I don't even know what they do.
"Frank Regan Funeral Home"? Too much formaldehyde.
The Air Force? Air Force is cool.
The refreshments? Bush league, you know? That's not what you want.
Dunder That Okay.
I see security is coming, so I just wanted to say come to Dunder Mifflin.
Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work.
Anybody? Show of hands? Anybody wanna intern at Dunder Mifflin? We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment.
Anybody? Show of hands? Damn it.
I'm gonna wrap it up here.
Thank you for your time, and drive safe.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Beers? - You closed it? - I closed it.
Yes! - Congratulations to you, sir.
- Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
- Well done.
Nice job.
- Thank you.
You know what? Screw this.
Today I did something stupid.
I questioned myself, and I'll never do that again.
'Cause I look at somebody like Jim Halpert, and I think that guy can do anything he wants to do.
He could do anything, and he chooses to work here selling paper.
Just like me.
Kiss her.
Kiss her good.
- Hi.
- Hello.
I was just wondering what kind of jobs do you guys have? - Are you interested in graphic design? - Yeah.
- Can I fill out an application? - Absolutely.
Take a seat.
I should let you know right away this is just an entry level job.
It's really basic.
We're looking for like a self-starter, someone who can meet deadlines and just pretty much just go the extra mile.
- I can do that.
- Great, and Obviously, we're looking for someone who knows Photoshop and Dreamweaver, Corel Painter, Illustrator, After Effects All the basics.
I don't know any of those.
It's actually not super-complicated.
I'm sure there's some sort of, like, adult education classes in the area.
But if you're really serious, one thing about New York or Philadelphia They got amazing programs out there for design.
- New York or Philadelphia.
- Yeah.
All right.
Well, thanks.
- And I'll look into those.
- You should.
- New York or Philadelphia.
- Absolutely.
- That's where the action is.
- Thanks.