The Outlaws (2021) s01e04 Episode Script

Episode 4

Young lady,
may I have this dance?
Daddy, we can't dance
in the middle of a shop.

Why not?
We're just testing
this record player.

Do you have one of these?
- No.

- Hm.

Do we have any marmalade?
I don't know, did you find a job
to earn money to buy some?
Tom, let's go.

Let's go.

I don't have time to drop
you off today.

Bye, Grandpa.

- Bye.

- Bye, Grandpa.

Have a wonderful day.

- Do you need money for the bus?
- I could scrape some together.

Broken, broken, broken.

Morning, legal guardian.

Don't you have your exam today?
Aren't you going to call the police?
No, it's probably just some
crackheads just looking for cash
- or jewellery or whatever.

- Pretty thorough these crackhead,
even checked for jewellery in the
back of the TV, as you do.

- Hi.

- Just calling to wish you luck.

How are you feeling?
I feel like shit,
like there's a million things
to think about at once.

Well, when you get in there and you
can feel your heart rate spiking,
use that adrenaline.

You'll be fine.

- Thanks.

- That's OK.

Good luck.
And you just call me
any time you want.


Phone privileges are suspended.

I'm not a child, this is my phone.

Not until you stop lying to us.

Or go out on secret
midnight plumbing jobs.

You're not even VAT registered.

You all set?
Text me after.

Yo, Esme.

- Where you going?
- Why do you care?
Why are you being like that?
Why ain't you been around lately?
You told me to go away.

You bugging out or somethin'?
Chill and talk for a minute.

- No, I've got to get to this exam.

- You can be five minutes late.

You can't, actually.

It's one of the rules.

Show and talk for a minute.

You OK for money?
Why are you being nice to me?
Just wanna talk.

I miss you being around.

You're full of shit.

For real.

For real.

Everyone loves you.

Don't you have fun
when you chill with us?

Don't you feel safe?

All right.

So come on.

Come back to my crib.

- Why?
- Just chill.

Have a chat, smoke.

We can watch a Blue Planet
on my 68-inch.

It's like being in the actual sea.

No, I got get to this exam.

Er, Mum, you shouldn't even be
snooping around in there.

Because it's my bedroom.

My name is on the door.

Yeah, exactly.

Not come in.

They are not anal beads.

They are called nunchuks and
they're Japanese fighting sticks.

How do you even know about
anal beads anyway?
Uh! Mum, I don't want to know that
Trevor bought you anal beads.

Diane, my office now.

You know what, Mum?
I'm hanging up.


Diane, this is
Detective Sergeant Haines of the
Bristol and Avon Constabulary.

Honour to meet you, ma'am.

There's no need to curtsy.

She's not Camilla Parker Bowles.

- This is DS Selforth.

- Diane,
a drug gang from London,
now operating
in Bristol, has been robbed
by an armed, masked man.

That man has been tracked
by CCTV to the building
that your offenders are renovating.

The building's a CCTV black spot,
but a witness said she saw a masked
man entering the building with a
sports bag and then leaving some
time later without the sports bag.

- Without the sports bag.

- Yeah, well, we've got to find the bag.

- Do we know what's in the bag?
- Could be money, drugs,
- even weapons.

- Aka gangster shit.

- Yeah, I feel you.

- I would appreciate
if you gave us access to the site.

You've come to the right person
because I'm planning on becoming
a police officer myself.

OK, calm down, Bruce Willis.

They need you to open the door, not
lead a SWAT team.

- Shall we?
- Yeah, sure.

Thank you.


Thank you, sir.

- Has he got a girlfriend?
- Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me? You're
supposed to be my spy on the inside.

Thank you, bye.


- Oh, hi.

- Cathy, Marcus's mum.

- How are you?
- Good, thanks.

I don't know whether you've heard,
but I'm organising the school fete
this year and we're doing
a car boot.

I don't suppose you'd want to do
a stall.
It's only a fiver.

That's actually what my car
is worth.

Also, I hope you don't mind me

Just you're the only person
I know who's mates
with the rich and famous.

Any chance you could ask
Lady Gabriella to open the fete?
See if she'll judge
our root vegetable competition.

- You've lost me.

- Oh, come on.
My Marcus, he was there.

- I've seen the pictures.

- What pictures?
Lady Gabby, at the party,
at your house.

I don't know that woman.

Oh, go on, it's not a big ask.

She just has to give first prize to
a turnip shaped like a big, fat ass.

Rani, I can't remember
what we talked about.

My head is buzzing here, I feel
like I'm going to faint.

Oh, God.

Can you call me back, please?

Traffic wasn't too bad, was it?
Fine, Diane.

Let's just get the code in here.

Only I know the code,
ma'am, don't worry.

I reset it daily just to make sure.

Oh, no, hold on.

Reports of an altercation at
16 Gratterson Street.

Here we are.

Oh, yes, please,
using the wrong code.

Come on, Ma'am.

And you, officers.

Here's the communal area.

So when I apply to be a police
officer like yourself, what sort
of thing would they be looking for?
Well, you need
a decent level of fitness.


I mean, I've been a member
of Crunch since New Year.

Pretty sure I could bench you,
No offence.

Head down area, oops.

Bit of a tight squeeze.

Do you think you work well
in a team?
I mean, if I'm honest, people
will probably describe me
as a maverick who gets results,
but also punctual with one heck
of a tush.

Would you feel comfortable
managing a large team?
Yeah, no problem.

I regularly supervise
up to seven people.

Well, leadership skills
are essential.

Oh, I'm a born leader.
The offenders
are always saying
I'm like a little Hitler.

Not because they think I share
Hitler's views.

Just, you know, his natural

And, you know, just his ability
to get shit done.

Would you be willing
to work very long hours?
Never see your friends or family?
Yes, please.
I'm quite happy not to
see my family,
especially since my
mum moved a new bloke in, Trevor.

I was in the kitchen the other
day, having breakfast.

He came in, in his robe, and it
fell open.

I was eyeballed with everything.

Should I have to look at 70-year-old
cock and balls with a mouthful
of Coco Pops?
- No, you should not.

- No.

Thank you, ma'am.
I mean, talk about
turning the milk chocolaty.

I almost turned it vomity.

Police aren't always popular.

Do you think you can handle
being ridiculed?
- Laughed at?
- Oh, yeah.

I've always been laughed at.

You shit yourself one time
climbing the rope in gym class
and you're no longer
Diane Pemberley, you know?
You're Squiddles.

So any more for any more?
You need diligence,
- a keen eye for detail.

- Check.

And you have to be able
to follow orders.

Yeah, I mean, ask anyone,
following orders
is what I'm most famous for.

That and my great tush.

Well, you should be a shoo-in
for the force,
assuming you pass
the background checks.

- Background checks?
- Yeah, they just need to check
you don't have a shady past.

Nothing to hide.

Let's start wrapping things up.

There's nothing here.

Wrap it up in there.

Anything down there?
Anything else I can assist you with,
I'd just ask you
to keep your eye out
for anything suspicious
or out of the ordinary.

What kind of thing?
People hanging around
the site and walking
- back and forth a lot.

- Casing the joint.
I feel you.

Ma'am, if I do decide to
apply to be in the force,
will you put a good word in?
I'm not allowed to do that.

Have you thought about becoming
a community support officer?
They're just glorified
traffic wardens, aren't they?
No, they're not.

And it will help
with your application when you do
apply to the police.

- Really?
- This is my card.

Anything catches your eye,
however small.
Call me any time.

Don't worry, Ma'am, I've got eyes in
the back of my head.

Turn over your papers, please.

Time starts now.

Do you know what I do?
I know.

Do you? Cos thinking you're about
that life and being about that life
ain't one and the same, as
this ain't a game.

This is some serious shit.

I know it ain't, but I want to make
some bank.

I want to earn some respect like
you, and I don't want people
telling me no more what
I should and shouldn't do.

All right, Squiddles?
- Oh, grow up, Dave.

- Why did he call you Squiddles?
Because he's a prat.
Back to work.

- 5%?
- 5%?
That's barely enough to buy
a coffee round.

You're thinking of 5p.

Can we just discuss this later,
Guys, guys, just gather.

So I'm thinking about donating
some of the profits
from my festival to good causes.

So if you have any ideas,
just let me know.
But I definitely
want to support animals and people
who are LGBTQIA+.

Also my Wi-Fi password.

The Bristol Justice Collective needs
£1,000 to campaign against people
appropriating black culture.

Does cultural appropriation
- go both ways?
- Yeah.

If you see a black guy on the beach
wearing stocks with sandals,
feel free to get upset.

- When are you two going to see it?
- See what?
This constant arguing and bickering.

You're in love.

- Ha!
- You're delusional.

- Yeah, you are.

- No.

- Yes.

- That's a ridiculous, erm, idea.

- Yes.

- No.

You are.

You're just two angry peas in a pod.


So I'm going to need my share
of the money in my account today.

- Yeah, me too.

- You can't.

- What?
- I knew it.

You thieving bastard.

Where is it?
- What have you done with it, Frank?
- Keep your wigs on, your money's safe
and sound, but you can't walk
into NatWest with a suitcase
full of cash.

Looks a tad suspicious.

Well, I can't pay my employees
from a bag full of £50 notes
- because that looks a tad suspicious.

- Which is why you need to launder it.

Oh, we need OK, Scarface,
we're laundering money now, are we?
Not we.

I'm keeping mine in cash.

Well, how are we supposed
to launder money?
Not my concern.

It's absolutely your concern, mate.

Because I'll tell you right now,
if I go down, I'm taking
you with me.

And you.


What you need is a crooked lawyer.


Can I speak to you, please?
- Thanks for calling my sister.

- No, no, no, it's fine.

The police came to my house
last night.

- What?
- There's CCTV of the robbery,
and my dad's van's on there.

- Have they connected us?
- No, not yet.

My dad said that that he was the one
driving the van.

So what did you say to your dad?
- That I was at a friend's house.

- Does he believe you?
It just makes me so upset
that my own parents think
I'm lying about this.

But you are lying about this.

Yeah, but they don't know that.

I don't trust either of you
as far as I could throw you,
why would I trust a bent lawyer?
You can't say bent lawyer.

- It's homosexual lawyer.

- Bent - as in corrupt.

Oh, right.

Come off your high horse
for five minutes, can you,
while we launder our stolen money?
Guys, please, a bent lawyer
is exactly who you can trust.

It's the honest ones
you have to worry about.

But why would he help us?
Because he won't have a choice.

Diane, there's something
high up I can't reach.

Can I borrow Greg?
I'll allow it.

How can the big man help?
Can we ask you
a hypothetical legal question?
- OK.

- Imagine a lovely, sweet
old lady finds a large bag of cash.

- What's her name?
- Beryl.

And where did Beryl find this money?
She found it at the bottom
of the garden.

Sounds unlikely.

Yeah, well, Beryl's a lucky old cow.

What are you going to do?
Beryl is not a wealthy woman,
and this money could help
her out of all kinds of
financial jams.

So she comes to you, her lawyer,
she said, Greg, I need to wash
this cash pronto and I need a paper
trail that makes it look legit.

Beryl sounds a bit shifty.

No, she's a sweetheart.

You'd like her.

- What would you do?
- I'd say, "Thanks for coming in, Beryl.

"Always a pleasure to see you,
but I can't help you with this,
"obviously, because you're talking
about money laundering,
"which is a major crime,
and we'd both go to jail.
To which Beryl says,
"Yeah, right, absolutely.
But theoretically,
what would you do?
Well, theoretically, Beryl,
we'd need to funnel it through some
kind of shell company.

Well, how would you do that?
Um, well, I'd use an existing
client's account at my law firm -
like Lady Gabby's.

How does that work?
I'd have Julie in the accounts
department pay the money into Lady
Gabby's account and then
have Julie issue a cheque.

Greg, I knew,
you're the man to turn to.

- I want you to do that for me.

- As I said, Beryl,
I can't because it's money

Greg, do you remember when you told
us about how you forged signatures
on legal documents?
That you covered the chaos
that's full of evidence
of your total incompetence
and professional negligence?
You want me to call your boss
right now?
Tell them all about that.

Is this still Beryl talking?

Are you, Beryl?

- Beryl?
- Yeah.

- Beryl?
- Yeah.

What do you think?
Say yes.

Do you know what this is?

As long as people know
you'll use that,
no-one will mess with you.

You like that feeling?
Now it's cocked.

Now you aim, pull the trigger.

Breathe in and pull the trigger.

My bad.

Never meant to make you shook.

But you've got to be prepared
cos the tingling's often loud.

Do you want to go on
my chocolate fountain?
I bought chocolate fountain.

It's to share,
come on.

Your mother and I
want to talk with you.

You remember the ultimatum
I gave you when you were arrested?
You said that if I stole,
cheated or lied to you again,
that I would be dead to you.

- Well, that is where we are now.

- What?
We no longer trust you.

You will not tell us the truth.

So we want you to move out,
find your own place.

Are you joking?
Did you agree to this?
What about Oxford?
You'll not be going to Oxford.

You don't seem to place
any real value on it anyway.

- Well, what am I supposed to do?
- Get a job.

You asked us to stop
treating you like a child,
so this is what it is like
to be an adult.

I took the van.

To help a boy
from community service.

He's a really good person.

But he was forced to steal from
some drug dealers to help his sister.

I took the van to save, or help,
I don't know, something,
but that, that's what happened.

I have one question.


You want me to take you seriously,
but you still act like a child?
You can't just say, "Oh, I'm sorry
about that," and as soon as the sun
goes down, do the same thing again.

Pretty soon, the word sorry
doesn't mean much.

You're right, but I am sorry,
Margie, truly.

Why are you having a go at him?
He threw the party for me.

He's the one person in this house
who's actually trying
to help me in life.

I try and help you.

That is literally all I do.

He knows that.

- Am I speaking to you?
- Sorry.

You, you have the floor.

I don't need your permission
to speak.

Go to your room.

- Me?
- Yes.


Keep going till I hear
the door shut.

- Mum, he's changed.

- A leopard can't change its spots.

- Yeah, but people can.

- Yeah, well, your grandfather can't.

Being selfish and a liar
is in his nature.

Do you remember the parable
about the scorpion and the frog?
Your grandfather is a scorpion.


Well, a minute ago he was a leopard.

So which is it?
Every time he breaks my heart,
that is what he does.

He makes you love him, and then
when you drop your guard down,
he rips your heart out.

I will not let him do that to you.

I'm going to go now.

Better all be here.

- What do you take me for?
- A liar and a thief.

You sound like my daughter.

Hey, you've been married a while,
- You'll understand women.

- What?
Say you upset your wife and it's
your fault.

How do you win her back?
- Give her things.

- Like what?
Like flowers, perfume.

- You know, scratchcards.

- That works?
Or take her on a little trip,
you know.

Wife gets stuck with the kids quite
a lot, so sometimes it's nice to
- give her a little holiday.

- Holiday? Yeah.


Oh, blimey.

Right, so I suppose we
"Thanks then, Greg,
we appreciate you
risking your career
for a total stranger.
"Oh, no problem, John.
"We should get a pint
when this all blows over, Greg.
"Oh, that sounds lovely, John,
Hey, Greggels, guess what?
I did a survey around the office.

And you're number one.

Number one what?
Person most likely to die in one
of those wanking
and choking accidents.

Oh, yeah, it's going dark,
but I quite like it.

Oh, me glasses are steaming up.

Oh, I can't see my reflection.

Come on, you're almost there,

You're almost there.

What do you know
about those Twilight movies?
The Twilight films? I know
the only thing more out of date
are your condoms.

- Are they about vampires or something?
- Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, they're films for teenage girls
who fantasise about having
sex with a dead bloke.

So you'll probably love them.

- Hiya, Julie.

- Hello, Greg.

All right?
So I was watching TV last night and
- Twilight came on.

- Oh!
Yeah, and I thought, "Yes, please,
I'll have a bit of this.
I never knew you were into
the Twilight Saga.

Oh, how can you not be?
Incredible, incredible films.

Anyway, I was wondering if you could
All right.
Big question.

Team Edward or Team Jacob?
In what sense?
In the only sense.

- What was the question again?
- Team Edward or Team Jacob?
- Team Jacob.

- Oh!
Yes! Because why would you choose
a vampire over a werewolf?
No idea.

Absolutely no idea.

Everyone's always like,
"It's got to be Team Edward.
And I'm like, "Excuse me, do you not
remember at the beginning
"of New Moon, where Edward
just abandons Bella?"
How can we forget that,
the little shit?
And who was there for her?
Well, you know.

What a guy.

It does help
that he's got a body to die for.

Preaching to the choir here, sister.

I said to my husband, I said,
"If Taylor Lautner comes to Bristol
and he wants me to lick sweat
"off his abs, I'm doing it.
That's disg.
That's nice of you.

Just, you know, welcoming.

Come to Bristol
You off to the gym yourself?
Only if you let the sweat
off me abs after.

No, it's a giant bag of cash.

Oh, ha-ha.

No, it is, it really is.

- Why have you got a big bag of cash?
- Well, my client,
Lady Gabriella Penrose,
she handed it to me.

And she said, "Oh, Greg, would you
pay this into my client account
"before close of business today
and then issue cheques to the two
"names on this piece of paper,
Shall we do that for her?
Why's she got a big bag of cash?
Well, I'll tell you what.

Let me tell you why.

She has a lot of public appearances
in nightclubs
or opening supermarkets, fetes,
that sort of thing, and she always
demands to be paid in cash.

Is there anyone weirder
than the aristocracy?
Not that I can think of.

OK, so shall we get down to the bank
then and pay this in and get
them cheques issued?
- Oh, yeah, no problem
- OK, great.

I just need you to get THIS signed
by the compliance officer.

I thought you were
the compliance officer.

Oh, God, no, not any more.

Thankless task.

Only reason to be a compliance
officer is if you want to be there
when shit hits the fan or you want
to suck up to your boss.

So who's compliance officer now?
Six o'clock.

- Perfect.

- Oh, for fuck's
All right.

Team Jacob.

Hey, Margie,
what you up there for?

The school's having a car boot sale,
I thought I might try
and flog some crap.

Why do you need money?
Well, I use it to pay for goods
and services, Frank.

I don't know if you've noticed,
but there are four people eating
in this house and only
one person bringing in any money.

- Let me help you.

- Oh, sod off.

Really, I insist.

Might let you win one or two,
you never know.

Mind you, look at that flag.

Oi, oi, saveloys.

Thought you were usually in Torquay
at this time of year, Graham?
I will be in a week when they finish
repainting my yacht.

- Yacht?!
- No, seriously.

I've bought a yacht, 60-footer.

Yachts are a money pit.

If it floats or flies, rent it.

Don't buy it.

Not worried.

You know why?
- Asia.

- Asia?
A lot of motorbikes in Asia, John.

They all need brake pads.

I don't follow.

Look, you don't want to do business
with our eastern friends.

I get it.

Me, I'll share a spring roll
with anyone.

Bye-bye, la.

- Yeah, no, that's I can explain.

- What happened?
The, the Chinese wanted
so many strings attached.

Long term, they would, they were
just, they were going to screw us.

Then, you negotiate.

You can't negotiate
with the Chinese.

They don't know if they're communist
or capitalist, it's like dealing
with the Labour Party.

Jesus! It took me 40 years
to build this business.

You banjax us after six months.

I haven't banjaxed anything, OK?
I've found a new investor.

- Ahem.

- Who?
Just a businessman looking to
diversify his portfolio.

Well, why am I only
hearing this now?
When am I going to meet him?
Why do you want to meet him?
- Because it's my company.

- It's OUR company.

When am I going to meet him?
I'll set up a meeting.

Oh, look, your old records.

You always loved your music.

We should play more music.

Look at all these.

Debbie Gibson.

Milli Vanilli.

All the greats.

Let's play them.

Where's your record player?
You don't even remember, do you?
Never mind.

Rani, come here!
Sit down.

Your father and I have been talking
and we are very relieved
that you have told us the truth.

We have decided that
you can stay.

On one condition.

No more trouble.

No more visits from the police.

And you have nothing further to do
with this boy.

You must not speak with him
or contact him in any way.

And if he talks to you again,
then you just ignore him.

If you prove to us
that you can do that
you can stay.

Thank you.

A bit of intel for you.

Have you noticed the new paralegal's
been checking you out all day?

She's been giving you
all the signals,
I'm surprised
you haven't picked up on it.

I've been balls deep in work, time
to get balls deep into something else.

- The new paralegal.

- No, I've got it, yeah.


In what possible universe did I
believe you could read women?
She told me to stick my fat
head up my big arse.

If she goes to HR, I'm taking
you down with me, mate.

My bad, sorry.

One compliance form, signed,
sealed, delivered.

I know what you are.

- Remember, Bella-Edward in the forest?
- Yeah, no, I love all that
shit, yeah, I'm just conscious that
the banks are closing soon.

So should we?
Oh, right, I'll just, erm
Come on, let's go.
Chop, chop.

Let's go.
Let's go.


All right.

Chill out.

- Hey, wow.

- All right?
- Nice place.

- Yo!
This is Godiva chocolate
direct from Belgium.

85% cocoa.

Get a marshmallow, get involved.

How's your brother doing?
He's mastering how to be
a total dickhead.

Yeah, why you say that?
Because he suddenly decided
he wants us
to leave Bristol.

And go where?
I don't know, anywhere.

You have to wait
to roll that up?
I mean, he says he's come
into some money,
but it's probably just bullshit.

You had me bugging out, man, why
weren't you answering your phone?
What have you been doing all night?
Minding my own business.

- You should try it.

- Es.


We need to talk.

There's something you need to know
about the break-in,
it weren't crackheads.

It was the Brookfield crew.

What are you on about?
They were looking
for something that I took.

- What?
- Money?
You stole money from Brookfield.

But how stupid are you?
We have leave tonight, all right?
Just get out of Bristol.

- And go where?
- Anywhere!
- I don't know.

- Oh, yeah.
Let's go London
to get away from gangs.

- Just give them back the money.

- The money is gone, Es.

On what?
Cos it ain't the cleaning lady.

Look, it's not spent, it's stolen.

All right, I hid it at CS.

Just in case Brookfield came back
here looking for it.

One of the other offenders
must have taken it.

I'll figure out who it is.

Get it back.

But then we have to go.

First, you take me away from Mum.

Now you want to take me
away from my friends.

- Fuck you.

- No, this will be good for us, Es.

There's enough money
to get us out of this dump.

We could find a nice place

Once you pass your exams,
we'll get you into a uni.

Why can't you get
this into your thick skull?
I don't want to go to uni.

I don't want to live with you
in your fairy tale house,
with you or teachers
or social workers
or fucking Rani
getting into my business.

I just want to live my own life
how I want to live it.

- Hello.

- Hello, how may I help?

I'm interested in foreign travel.

Somewhere hot, relaxing.

Where do you have mind?
How far does that get you?
Well, I tell you where I love,

It's a volcanic island.

The whole place is black.

My husband and I love it so much
we've gone 16 years in a row.

The national dish is potatoes mojo,
or mojo potatoes,
as they like to call it.

We absolutely love it.

You can cook it on a hot volcano
like on the rocks there
I distinctly remember telling you
I was going fishing with Roy.

You didn't tell me you were going
for two months to Portugal!
I didn't know
myself until yesterday.

This is madness.

We're on the bloody breadline and
you're going fishing with your mate.

- What do you want me to do?
- Cancel it.

I can't.

I can't do that to Roy.

You saw how happy he was
about this.

It is the trip of a lifetime.

Are you even hearing yourself?
Where are you taking that?
I'm just borrowing it.

To listen to some tunes on my trip.

They'll remind me of you.

Is that OK?
You've taken the TV, the radio,
and now you're pawning
your own daughter's record player.

What is wrong with you?
If you go, we won't be here
when you get back.

Fuck you, Frank.

There we go.

- Thank you.

- Pleasure.

My brother says it was you that
broke into our flat.

Your brother thieved from me.

Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you tell me?
- Wasn't sure I could trust you.

- Well, you can.

How can I know that for real?
I'll get your money back for you.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

You got to let me stay here
with you.

I got parents and siblings.

Ain't no room for you.

Then rent a flat for me.

That's the deal.

I'll get my boy soldier
to rig you up.

Yeah, it should look good on.

The festival is on your father's
country estate, so what about a name
which evokes the English country
garden, you know, like Country Fest?
Sounds like Cunty Fest.

- Sunset Gardens.

- Sounds like a high-end hospice.

- Greensleeves?
- Toddler with a cold.

No, it needs to be more rock and
How about rural carnage?
No, I'm just picturing some kids
caught in a threshing machine.

What about something like Woodstock?
You know, like some posh stock,
livestock, beef stock,
fish stock,
lock stock?
What's the USP of this festival?
OK, I want it to be inclusive,
you know, uniting people,
exchanging ideas.

So, oh, the sharing festival.

No, we'll only attract swingers.

We never get the lube off
the croquet lawn.


Meditation camp, mindfulness camp.

- Contemplation Camp.

- Concentration camp!
- I don't think so.

- No?
You know,
naming things is really hard.

Really makes me think twice about
having a baby or a jewellery line.

So we, we will need to pitch
the idea to Daddy.

Your father hasn't given permission?
No, he doesn't know anything
about it yet.

So you haven't told your father
about the festival?
You know, I wanted to choose
the right time.

You don't think the right time
was before we spent two days
doing paperwork?
All right, Greg.

Don't get pissed off with me.

You don't know my dad.

He's, he's, he's a sweetheart.

But we do just need to pick
our moment.

Pick our moment?
We've already picked the latrines.

All right, Greg, I'll sort it.

Jesus! I'll sort it.


Remember that bag that
I had had that night?
Look, I had it here and it's gone,
have you seen it?
Are we good?
Yeah, I'm just trying to get
on with my work.

I've called Daddy's secretary
and made an appointment to see him.

You have to make an appointment
to see your dad?
G, this is serious.

- We're not ready.

- For what?
You don't know my father, OK?
He is, Daddy
he's the best.

But in the past, I have gone to him
with some bad business ideas.

Such as?
Tonic flavoured gin,
fluorescent ice cubes, so you can find
your tonic flavoured gin in the dark.

Virtual fox hunting for posh
people with a conscience.

I don't want Daddy to see this
as another one
of those, you know, I want
I want him to see how serious
I am about the festival.

You know, I want him to be
I want him to be proud of me.

- He will be.

- We can't even think of a name yet.

You four-eyed fucknut!
Sorry, just got really stressed
there for a minute,
just lashed out.

No, I noticed, yeah,
it escalated pretty quick.

Tell you what.
Don't worry.

Why don't we meet up later and
we can come up with a name,
a whole presentation?
OK, thank you.

I'm sorry.

Calling you four-eyed fucknut.

- I've been called worse.

- Such as?
Wank sock with glasses.

Haunted pencil.
ugly brother.
Albino ET on stilts.

Paedo Harry Potter.

Look, don't listen to them.

You look nothing like Harry Potter.

basically, how
are we going to do this?
Take it, take it.

You know what I'm saying,
because he's gonna
Is he gonna hurt my brother?
What the fuck are you doing?
Is he going to hurt my brother?
He's going to find a place
for you to crash.

Why does he need a knife for that?
Give me the gun.

- What are you going to do?
- Is he going to hurt my brother?
Put the gun down, you little bitch.

Is he going to hurt my brother?
Oi, you little bitch.

Ain't saying it again.

- Put the fucking gun down.

- Call me bitch
one more time
and I'll fucking shoot.

Just come and make me.




Do you have our cheques?
Is Beryl happy now.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

No, no,
Beryl's got a new problem.

I fucking hate Beryl.

My father wants to meet
my new investor.

What new investor?
The one I made up
to account for this huge,
unexplained cash injection
into our business.

Why not just tell him you won
it on the horses?
Hey, Dad, I know the family
business is in crisis, but don't
worry, I just gambled everything
on Lucky Jim in the 2:15 at Kempton.

- What do we do?
- I don't know.

I mean, I can create some fake
paperwork or something,
but I can't create a fake person.

It's your dad.

Have you thought
about just telling him the truth?
Ha, ha.
Yeah, no.

Because my dad would call
the police on me himself
- just to, just to teach me a lesson.

- If he needs to meet an investor,
we need to give him an investor.

Yes, we do.
Howard Cherry,
Cherry Investment Capital.

We're excited to be in business
with you, Mr Halloran.

Well, we're all definitely
going to jail.

What are you doing here?
I-I-I done somethin' really bad,
and I
OK, all right, calm down.

Tell me, what did you do?
- What happened?
- I shot Spider.

I don't know what to do.

Give me the gun.

Listen to me, you can't go home.

Where do I go?
Remember where we used to go
when we were younger?
Go there and just wait for me there.

- Can't you come now?
- No, not now.

- Please!
- I can't.
I can't.

I can't.
Just go there.

Turn off your phone.

Don't chat to anyone.

I'll come as quickly as I can.

It's going to be OK, Es.

I'll make it OK.


Go on.

Can you help me with something?
- What do you want?
- I want my money back.

What money?
I don't have time to fuck about,
what have you done with it?
Who do you think you're talking to,
I want it back.

- It's not that simple.

- Look, I want it back.

Or I'm going to hurt you and
I'm going to hurt your family.

Get me the money by tomorrow or
I'm coming for you and your family.

- You hear me?
- Yeah.

- That weren't what it looked like.

- I don't want to know.

- Let me just explain to you.

- I don't
don't want to know.

Can you handle being unpopular?
Never seeing friends and family.

Don't mind if I do.

I've just found a weapon hidden on
the premises, and I happen to know
for a fact
it wasn't there yesterday.

Which suggests to me that one
of you put it there today.

Who was it?
Was it you?
Why would I bring a weapon here?
The only thing I hate more than
violence is global warming.

And those trainers with the toes.

Was it yours?
All my weapons are at home
for when the revolution starts.

- What revolution?
- When the people rise up and revolt
against their oppression
by government overlords like you.

- When is this scheduled for?
- Any day now.

If you have an exact day,
you better tell me.

She's winding you up.


Or was it yours?
Or maybe it belongs to you?
Of course not.

Why of course not?
It's not a crazy suggestion.

You're a criminal
like everyone else here.

Like Gabby said,
why would I bring a gun here?
- How do you know it's a gun?
- What?
All I said was I found a weapon,
didn't specify what kind.

is it a gun?

But could have been knife,
Gun's a bit of a big
leap to make.

This is Bristol not South Central.

The only way that you'd know
it was a gun is if you hid
it there yourself,
or if you know who did.

Whose gun is it, Ms Rakowski?
You can tell me
or you can tell the police.

And refusing to tell them is
an accessory after the fact
and an obstruction of justice.

OK, now.

It's his.


- Hello.

- Found my money yet?
I'm working on it, just dealing
with something else right now.

Listen, our working relationship
is this, I own a chain of hot dog
stands and I pay people
like you to sell sausages.

So tell me what's more important
than you selling
my fucking sausages?
Just give me a few days.

I'll get your money back.

You already had two weeks
to bring me my money and the guy
who took it, and I don't see either.

If I get you the money,
does the thief matter?
I want a head on a spike, so my
competitors don't get the same idea.

If it isn't his head,
it will be yours.

So, yes, I would say it matters.

Clock's ticking.

I think we should be referencing
some of the brand partners.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Daddy will definitely want to know
about brands.

So who were you thinking?
- In terms of brands?
- Yeah.

- All the big hitters.

- Yeah.

# All I need is coordination
# I can't imagine
# My destination
# My intention
# Ask my opinion
# But no excuse
# My feelings still remain
My feelings still remain ♪
Hi, Es.

- It's OK.

- It's my fault.
It's OK, it's OK.

It's all right.

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