The Partridge Family (1970) s03e19 Episode Script

1
Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy
We had a dream
we'd go travelin' together
And spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on
Somethin' always happens
whenever we're together
We get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song
Travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'
Come on, get happy
A whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy
We'll make you happy ♪
(SUNSHINE PLAYING)
We got the
sunshine in our hands
I've got the
sunshine in my hands
You've got the
sunshine in your hands
Now let it shine
all over this land
Holy, holy Glory, glory
Hallelujah I believe it now
Holy, holy Glory, glory
You can give without receiving
You've got the sunshine
We've got the sunshine
I've got the sunshine
You've got the
sunshine Holy, holy
Glory, glory ♪
I've got the sunshine
You've got the sunshine
Sunshine in my hands
You've got the
sunshine in your hands
We've got the
sunshine in our hands
Now let it shine
all over this land
You've got to
love, love one another
Whoa, shine,
shine on your brother
And the whole
world will discover
In the arms of
every woman and man
You've got the sunshine
We got the sunshine
I've got the
sunshine in my hands
You've got the
sunshine in your hands
We've got the
sunshine in our hands
Now let it shine
All over this land ♪
(ALL HARMONIZING)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Okay. You wanted to watch
The Monster from the Red Planet.
We watched it. Now
it's my turn to pick.
Let's face it.
Sunday TV is either monster
movies or sermonettes.
Where are the TV listings?
Oh, I have them.
There were a lot of
good recipes this Sunday.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Come in.
(DOOR OPENS) Hi, Reuben.
Hi Reuben. Hi.
Hi. I thought you had
some sort of special
meeting this afternoon.
Yeah, I just did.
Then I came straight over.
I want you all to watch
something on TV.
(TV CHANNELS CHANGING)
And I want your honest reaction.
ANNOUNCER: Uncle Erwin's
Country Fried Chicken presents
The Dixie Melodies of 1938.
You hurried over to make us
watch Dixie Melodies of 1938?
Can we give you our
honest reaction now,
or do we have to sit
through the whole picture?
Not the movie. The
first commercial.
It should be on about now.
ANNOUNCER: In a moment,
The Dixie Melodies of 1938,
but first this word.
(CHIMING)
ERWIN ON TV: Hi, folks. Uncle
Erwin for Uncle Erwin's Country Chicken.
I'm here with my little
barnyard friend Elroy.
Say hello to the folks, Elroy.
Hello, folks.
Now, Elroy done come by here
to tell y'all about my new
(TRIANGLE CHIMING)
Come-And-Get-It Special.
Take it away, Elroy.
Thank you, Uncle Erwin.
The Come-And-Get-It Special
is just for you kids.
Two delicious
drumsticks, lots of fries,
plus Uncle Erwin's
special musical triangle.
Why, you can play everything
from Bacharach to Beethoven
and Bacharach again.
(LAUGHING)
So get on down to your nearest
Uncle Erwin's
Country Chicken store.
Chicken so good,
you'll crow for more.
(ERWIN CROWS)
All right, take it, Roy.
Well, what do you think?
(CHUCKLES) Well, the question
isn't, "What do we think?" It's,
"Why do you ask?"
Reuben, that special
meeting this afternoon,
would it by any chance
have been with Uncle Erwin?
Well, as a matter
of fact, it was.
You see, he's looking for
a new advertising concept.
What he wants is
the Partridge Family.
No. Never.
No way.
Forget it. Ditto.
Tracy? Double ditto.
Reuben, we are not
going on television
for Uncle Erwin's
Country Chicken.
That's the worst commercial I
That is just the point. It
wouldn't be like the one you saw.
He wants to do a
quality commercial.
(SIGHS)
Shirley, would I even
listen to the man's offer
if there was any
question of taste?
We know you wouldn't
ask us to do anything
that wasn't in
our best interest.
But how do we know we
won't have to talk to a rooster
by the name of Elroy?
Meet the man.
Shirley, it's a good
product, isn't it?
Of course it is. We buy
the chicken all the time,
but that commercial
And I have Erwin's promise
that this commercial will be
simple, tasteful, and appealing.
Well
(SIGHS) I guess it wouldn't
hurt to talk to the man.
What we had in mind was
kind of a pleasant
meadow, maybe a picnic.
A nice family.
Well, that's where
you all come in.
Enjoying the day
and each other, and, of course,
a big bucket of Uncle
Erwin's Country Fried Chicken.
Well, that sounds nice.
Yes, it does.
What makes it so
special for us is that,
well, you all are in it,
and I mean all of you.
Now, I want you to know that
you were not my first choice.
You was my only choice.
Now, what do you
say? How about it?
Well, it sounds very impressive.
Kids? Sure.
Fine with me. Let's do it.
In that case,
we'd be glad to do
your commercial, Erwin.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
First time I've ever been
nervous about a picnic.
Ah, there's nothing to it.
You just act natural.
DIRECTOR: Okay,
Nick, hop on the crane.
(DIRECTOR CLAPS)
Try to stay awake.
We want to shoot this today.
Mrs. Partridge,
I know that you're
new at this sort of thing.
Just think of this
as a normal picnic.
It's a beautiful day.
You're out with your family,
enjoying the great
outdoors, okay?
Okay.
Okay, boys, let's go for a take.
MAN: Partridge family,
chicken commercial, take one.
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER: Another pleasant day,
compliments of Uncle
Erwin's Country Fried Chicken.
I think that really says it.
That's very impressive.
Thanks to the Partridge Family,
it's exactly what we wanted.
I don't want to sound immodest,
but I think it was just great.
The franchise owners
will be very pleased
when we show it to them, Erwin.
Hmm. It is everything we wanted,
except for one thing.
DIRECTOR: What's that, Erwin?
Well, I I don't rightly know.
There is something the matter.
Now, I can't quite put
my finger on it, but
I will. Mmm-hmm.
I most surely will.
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Now. Here we go. For you.
Oh, Reuben, champagne.
(GIGGLES) You shouldn't have.
Oh, no doubt about it.
This is going to be an
evening to remember.
(SIGHS)
Reuben. What kind of
a girl do you think I am?
You were right the first time.
(PHONE RINGING)
Aren't you going to answer it?
A little later. When?
Maybe tomorrow.
Reuben, I think you
better answer it now.
The ringing doesn't
go with the music.
All right.
(RINGING CONTINUES)
(SIGHS)
Hello. Oh, hi, Shirley.
Listen, could I call you back?
Come over?
Well, now?
Well, couldn't it
wait until later?
Erwin?
It doesn't make
him think chicken?
Well, what is the one little
change he wants to make?
Well, can't you just tell me?
Why do I have to come over?
Yeah, all right. All right.
I'll be right over. Yeah.
Reuben.
Why me?
Why does it always happen to me?
Never happens to anybody else,
but it always happens to me.
Bonnie, uh, I'll be
back as soon as I can.
Reuben.
You won't be long, will you?
Oh, you'll, uh
You'll miss me, huh?
Well, no, but I have a
flight later, and I'm starved.
Do you think you could
pick up a pepperoni pizza
on your way home?
Pepperoni? Hmm.
Right.
Reuben?
Yes, Bonnie?
No anchovies.
No anchovies.
Shirley. SHIRLEY: In
the living room, Reuben.
All right, Shirley,
what was so important
that it couldn't
have waited until
(CHUCKLES)
(CLEARS THROAT)
This is Erwin's
one little change.
Oh.
Well, Shirley, you
got to admit one thing.
What?
It does make you think chicken.
REUBEN: Fine, but, Mr. Lingella,
give me one good reason
why my clients should have
to do a second commercial
in chicken suits.
Yeah, well
Mister Mr. Lingella?
I only asked for one reason.
Thank you. Goodbye.
Well? Oh, that was, uh,
Erwin's attorney,
uh, Mr. Lingella.
Mmm-hmm. A very,
very capable lawyer.
Reuben, we know
it was his lawyer.
Do we have to do
the other commercial?
Let me put it this way.
Erwin makes the
world's best fried chicken,
and his lawyer makes the
world's tightest contracts.
Well, I've got a
simple solution.
We just won't do it.
Oh, then we get sued, and they
stop us from working anywhere.
Then I guess we
do it. If we do it,
we won't be able to get a
date playing a supermarket.
Well, if we can't do it
and we can't not do it,
what do we do?
Six lunks in chicken
suits. We're finished.
Our only hope is If Erwin doesn't
like the second commercial either.
(SIGHS)
What did you just say?
I didn't say anything.
Yes, you did.
You said, "Our only hope is
"if Erwin doesn't like the
second commercial either."
Keith, what are you getting at?
Well, don't you
see? It's simple.
We do a commercial so bad
that even Erwin won't like it.
(SIGHS) I don't know.
It sounds underhanded.
You call this playing fair?
Now, I know you all
probably came here
to tell me you do not like
the idea of the chicken suits.
But this is one case where I
have to rely on my instincts.
You don't spend 40 years around
chickens without some of it rubbing off.
Well, you know what I mean.
Erwin, we're not
here to complain.
You're not? No, actually,
we thought it over, and
decided maybe you're right.
We just thought we might add
a couple of things ourselves.
Yeah, we'd take your
idea and build on it.
Sort of take your
style and run with it.
Mmm-hmm. You
mean you like my style?
Well, it, uh, grows on you.
That sounds just
fine. I mean, just fine.
Well, thank you very much.
Oh, thank you. Will
you be at the, uh,
filming by any chance?
I'd love to. Ah.
But I can't.
(ALL SIGHING IN RELIEF)
Ah, you can't.
Well, that's too bad.
However, I will be back in time
to play the commercial for
the franchise owner convention.
Till then, now, don't you all do
anything I wouldn't do, you hear?
You can bet on that. Goodbye.
Goodbye. Bye.
(ZANY MUSIC PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER: Another pleasant day,
compliments of Uncle
Erwin's Country Fried Chicken.
Well, Erwin?
What do you think?
I don't like it.
No, sir. I just don't like it.
I love it.
You love it?
Best commercial I ever did see.
Forget about that first one.
I can't wait to get
this one on the air.
(SIGHS)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Well, cheer up, kids.
You're not going out
there to face a firing squad.
DANNY: This is worse.
At least when you
face a firing squad,
they give you a blindfold.
Yeah, if we're embarrassed now,
think what it'll be like when
they show it on television.
I'd rather not think about
that, if you don't mind.
I wonder if they could use a cute
redhead in the Foreign Legion.
Wait a minute.
Why are we so worried?
I assume that's a
rhetorical question.
We don't like the
commercial, right?
Now, where did Mama
ever get an idea like that?
Look, there's a whole
roomful of people out there
that feel just like us.
Embarrassed?
Shirley, what are
you getting at?
Reuben, you have
to do something fast.
Come with me.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
ERWIN: And now,
ladies and gentlemen,
it's time for that special
treat I told y'all about earlier.
As you all know,
I'm about to embark
on a different
concept of advertising,
and the first step is a
new television commercial.
So, without further
delay, let's just, uh,
let's just have a
look at it, shall we?
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(ZANY MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, hi, Shirley.
I'm just showing
them the commercial.
I know.
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
Everything's all set.
(MURMURING CONTINUES)
They're not laughing.
(LAUGHING)
ANNOUNCER: Another pleasant day,
compliments of Uncle
Erwin's Country Fried Chicken.
Hey, Uncle Erwin.
Come on out here.
Hey, that's a great joke.
Now, where's the
real commercial?
The real commercial?
AUDIENCE: Yeah. Yeah.
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Thank you very much.
We hope you all enjoyed
Uncle Erwin's little joke.
(ALL LAUGHING)
We had great fun doing it.
Now we have the real
commercial for you.
We do? We do.
This is a film that
we're all very proud of.
We hope you like it.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
Shirley, how did
you know that they
Just intuition, I guess.
What if they don't like it any
better than the other one?
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(AUDIENCE MURMURING)
ANNOUNCER: Another pleasant day,
compliments of Uncle
Erwin's Country Fried Chicken.
(ALL CHEERING)
I don't know how
to thank you, Shirley.
Well, it isn't necessary.
I think you done a
favor for both of us.
Well, no offense, but,
um, I think you're right.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(PLAYING FRIEND AND A LOVER)
ALL: (SINGING) Na-na na-na-na
Na na na-na na
Na na na-na na
na na na-na na na
Caught in a dead end
You took the wrong bend
To you I'm a friend
But I wanna be your lover
Caught in a hurricane
Out in the cold rain
Couldn't make it much plainer
But you still can't discover
That I wanna be your lover
Na na na-na na na na na-na na
Na na na-na na
Na na na-na na na
Na na na-na na
Na na na-na na
Na na na-na na
na na na-na na na
Night and day Day and night
Night and day and night
Oh, I need you
ALL: I need you
Right by my side
Inside, outside Upside down
Everything is turned around
without you Without you
Up on a tightrope
below there's no hope
No hope 'Cause
I'm only your friend
And I wanna be your lover
Caught in a landslide
Feel like it's
low tide Low tide
Well, I swallowed my pride
But you still can't discover
that I wanna be your lover
Na na na-na na
Na na na-na na na na na-na na
Na na na-na na na
Na na na-na na na na na-na na
Na na na-na na ♪
Na na na-na na na ♪
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
REUBEN: It won't
take very long, Shirley.
All I want you to do
is explain to Bonnie
why I've been standing
her up so much lately.
Reuben, what good would it do for
me to explain to Miss Kleinschmitt?
I mean, wouldn't a note
from your mother work better?
Oh, that's funny.
That's very funny.
(GIGGLES)
Well, here we go.
Uh, who are you?
I'm Gwen. Oh.
Where's Bonnie?
Oh, she couldn't make it.
Uh, I guess you could say
she sent me to sort of fill in.
Oh, she did, did she?
(GIGGLES)
Well, that was thoughtful.
Yeah, but I had no
idea you had a date.
Date? Oh. Oh, no.
No, she was just, uh,
seeing me to the door.
Hey, thanks a lot, sis.
I think I can take it from here.
Are you sure you
don't want me to stay?
No. I mean, that
won't be necessary.
Gwen will keep me company.
Oh, good. I'll go
and call Frank.
Sure, you go and get Frank?
My husband.
Oh, Bonnie thought you
might enjoy the two of us
keeping you company.
The two of you?
(CHUCKLES)
Kleinschmitt one,
Kincaid nothing.