The Patrick Star Show (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

Stair Wars/Enemies a la Mode

Hi, I'm Patrick Star!
And I live
with my parents.
This is my dad.
[wacky music]
This is my mom.
This is my sister.
She's shy.
This is my grandpa.
This is my room!
And this
this is my show!
SHOW Season 01 Episode 02 (IMDB)
Episode Title: "Stair Wars"
Part 1 of 2
[peaceful music]
Aired on: July 23, 2021.
[grunts, giggles]
[continues snoring]
Come on, Patrick.
The show must go on.
Coming to you from
the Star family home,
It's time for
"The Patrick Show"!
And here
is your wide-awake host
[triumphant music]
Today, I'm gonna show you
some great miniature golf tips.
This would probably
work better with a golf club.
I'll be right back.
Take it away, Squidina.
Patrick, you know I have
stage-4 stage fright!
[crickets chirp,
audience coughs]
[laughs nervously]
Oh, hi, GrandPat!
Just going upstairs.
Greetings, grandson!
Just going downstairs.
There we go.
I'm just gonna go get some
- Please step aside.
- What?
- What? No
- Both: No, you step aside.
Age before ugly.
Pearls before swine.
I before thee!
I'm sorry, GrandPat,
but Dad always told me
Son, the best advice I could
ever give you is:
"Never back down
from a 'stair off.'"
I told you that!
That's my advice.
Ow! Oof! Ooh!
Well, I don't care
who said it first.
I gotta get my golf club.
And I hate
the upstairs bathroom.
[both growling]
[both grunt]
Both: Eh?
En garde.
I'll unguard you.
Both: I challenge you
to a stair off!
[both braying]
[electricity crackling]
[quirky music]
Master, I was watching that.
That show is made
by idiots for morons.
That's why I love it.
[both shrieking]
[doorbell rings]
Both: Who is it? ♪
I'm home!
[mob cheers]
Ah, shut up!
Aww, what's the matter Dr. P?
Pat-gor is hogging
the remote again.
Well, I wanna watch
the idiots on the stairs.
There must be a way to watch
two shows at the same time.
- Let me think.
- Ha-ha!
You see, Pat-gor,
now that I upgraded
the SpongeMonster
with a genius brain,
he can rationally
solve any problem.
Don't think too hard,
you'll have a blowout.
- I told him.
- You did.
[quirky music]
I know exactly what to do.
Two shows at the same time.
Huzzah, master!
He is a genius.
Here you go!
[both shouting]
[electricity crackling]
[both groan]
Now back to
"The Patrick Show"!
[triumphant music]
[suspenseful music]
Nobody's coming down
these stairs, soldier!
And nobody's going up them
either, dog face.
Hot stuff, coming through.
I have to use
the downstairs bathroom.
Stand with me, son.
And someday,
when this Neptune-forsaken war
is over you'll use that
Right after me.
Stand with me, Father,
and help
retrieveth my golf club.
Sorry, son.
But I really have to go.
Aww, Dad.
We are in
the middle of a show.
- What are you doing?
- I need to get my golf club.
And GrandPat won't
let me go upstairs.
[sweetly] GrandPat?
Patrick needs that club, which
means the show needs that club,
which means
we're getting that club!
- [whimpers]
- Uh-huh.
[grunting] Here.
- Get 'em!
- Get 'em.
[Squidina and GrandPat
cheering indistinctly]
Patrick? Squidina?
I have important news!
- Morning, Gladys.
- Morning, Bunny.
Mop up the floor with him!
[groaning] Patrick.
What is it, Mom?
Tell us, what is it?
I made jelly sandwiches!
All: Yeah!
[all munching]
This is Perch Perkins
coming to you live
from a local suburban home
where, after a brief ceasefire
for jelly sandwiches,
a stair war
continues to escalate.
Will those who wanna go up
the stairs stand down?
All: No!
Will those who want to go
down the stairs stand up?
All: No!
Both: Then we shall clash.
[all shouting]
Wow! This is the most
exciting stair war
of all the stair wars
I've ever been to.
Look out! Incoming bread!
[reporter shouting,
helicopter zooming]
Bread won't stop him.
Time for plan B!
[toilet growls]
This is why I hate
the upstairs bathroom!
Age before ugly!
So we meet again, eh?
Who are you?
I'm the one who's gonna make
you wish I wasn't your grandpa.
Wait! I know you.
Don't change the subject.
I still want satisfaction.
Very well.
We joust!
[dramatic music]
[both shouting]
Hey, wait a minute.
I've got something
caught in my teeth.
Hey! My golf club!
Hey, Squidina, I got my club!
[house rumbling]
The downstairs bathroom!
Mustache before beard.
[wacky music]
And we're back.
And we're out of time.
Tune in tomorrow for more fun
on "The Patrick Show"!
See you then.
Episode Title: "Enemies la Mode"
Part 2 of 2
Come on, wheel.
Give me a good idea
for my show.
Eel hats?
Well, I guess we could do
a fashion episode.
Well, that's no good.
Who knew making TV shows
would be harder
than watching TV shows?
Patrick, how's the ole
creative process going?
I've been spinning all morning,
and I still got nothing.
Well, I'm sure he'll come up
with a neat show idea, like
[music box tune playing,
engine humming]
Ice cream!

Well, looks like we're doing
another ice cream show!
Who's the peanut
with a man inside ♪
That sings
your favorite song? ♪
Who's got sweets
and frozen treats ♪
That you can spend
your money on? ♪
Who's your favorite
ice cream man ♪
From now until you're gone? ♪
The Goober truck guy! ♪
- Who shows you how to ♪
- Ah!
It's him. Sweet Neptune!
- [cowering]
- I'll take a Sweet Neptune.
[light music]
[gobbling] Ah!
The horror. The horror!
Ice cream!
The horror!
Looks like you made
quite the impression.

[crickets chirp]
- Now that that's over
- Hmm?
We're live in five, four,
three, two
[mouths word]
Oh, no.
There is no show
until I get my ice cream.
Mean old ice cream man!
I'm gonna get your ice cream.
Guess if you want
something done,
sometimes you have
to take matters
into your own tentacles.
The show must go on.
[as Patrick] Welcome
to "The Patrick Show"!
Today, we are talking
about uh
uh, oh enemies.
I got 'em. You got 'em.
Sometimes, I'm my own sister's
enemy 'cause I go crazy
and I ruin
all her hard work.
Now, here's
a pre-recorded segment,
from when I wasn't being
such a stubborn jerk.
Hey, there.
Today we're looking at nature,
which is, like, plants
and rocks
and books and stuff,
I guess.
Hey! There's my pet, Ouchie.
He's natural.
And he's got a big bowl
of yummy, tasty, urchin food.
And there's his
natural enemy, the sea bunny.
I call him Pinkeye.
- Ooh!
- Ooh, he's hungry!
I wonder if Ouchie
will share?
Mother says sharing is caring,
but she never wants to share
her lipstick with me.
Let's see what happens next.
Probably nothing.
Nature's boring!
Heh-heh, get him, Ouchie.
Ow! [babbles]
Oh, no!
One time, I got my tongue
stuck in a trap like that.
If I ever find out who
put that cheese on there
Look out, Ouchie.
Look out, house!
Look out, world!
Look out!
Oh, that's it.
I guess we live
in a duplex now.
- Hmm!
- Heh! [blows raspberry]
Rockets? Cool!
Boy, oh, boy!
Nature isn't boring.
It's got chase scenes.
All right, Patrick.
Ready to host yet?
It's almost the top of the hour
and you still gotta
plug the sponsors.
I'm not plugging anything
except my mouth hole
with ice cream.
Fine! I guess I'll shoot
some guest spots as filler.
Hey, mom.
Do you have any enemies?
Well, of course not dear.
I love everybody!
Huh? [yelps]
Oh, but this toaster is
really starting to tick me off!
[toast boinging]
Oh, I see the problem now.
I forgot to plug it in.
Thanks for displaying grace
under pressure, Mom.
Oh, I always have Grace
on display.
No pressure needed.
[glass shatters]
Oh, no.
I'm gonna get your ice cream.
If this keeps up,
I'm gonna lose my lunch.
Oh, boy! Lunchtime.
Aww that was gonna
to tide me over
till I got some ice cream!
[warbling wildly]
GrandPat? I'm doing a segment
for Patrick's show.
Do you have any enemies?
At my age,
your only enemy is time.
That's why I get
symbolic satisfaction
from smashin' clocks.
[cuckoo cooing]
Now, grab a hammer and laugh
in Father Time's face with me!
[triumphant music]
[both cackling]
[both laughing]
Mm-hmm! That'll learn 'em!
[alarm clock ringing]
- [pouts]
- Aww.
What's the matter, son?
That darn ice cream man
won't give me any ice cream.
Sounds like the non-dairy days
of ice cream prohibition.
Dark times, they were.
[old-timey music]
The lactose intolerance
had just banned
the sale of ice cream.
With every ice cream parlor
I started going
to sweet-easies.
[alarm blares, crowd shouts]
And if they caught you
with so much
as a sample size scoop,
they threw you in the slammer
and only fed you prunes.
That's where I learned
to like prunes.
- Uh
- [gulps]
Yep. In those days,
you had to know someone
who could get you
the cold stuff on the sly.
Hey, I know someones!
My sister!
Wait! I meant, I have
some ice cream right here.
Oh, well.
Oh, prune-flavored!
Huh? Patrick, what are you
Shush! It's coming!
Ah. Well, hello, young lady.
Would you like
some ice cream today?
- Two choco gonzo goobers.
- Eh, what the bush said.
Yep, that's an awful lot
of ice cream
for such a little girl.
Oh, they're not for me.
- They're for my big brother.
- [babbling]
Big brother? Oh, no!
Ice cream!
[both struggling]
Ice cream!
Ice cream! Ice cream!
Ice cream!
My Goober Mobile.
Get back here!
I shouldn't have
unplugged it!
Laugh in Father Time's face,
will ya?
[shouting and whooshing]
Oh! Uh that's our show.
I hope you learned a lot
about enemies.
Or ice cream.
Or toaster repair?
See you next time.
[wacky music]
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