The Patrick Star Show (2021) s01e09 Episode Script

To Dad and Back/Survivoring

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star,
and I live with my parents.
This is my dad.
This is my mom. [chuckles]
This is my sister. She's shy.
This is my grandpa.
This is my room.
And this
this is my show!
- [whistling]
- [muffled] Hi.
- [screams]
- [screaming]
[glass breaking]
Welcome to "The Patrick Show."
It's time for viewer mail.
- Ooh! Guten morgen.
I'm Klaus.
- International mail!
- I vood like to know
vat is going on
inside der body.
Inside. [giggles]
- Maybe we should go inside
der body und zee.
But where do we get a body?
both: Ooh!
- Hey, son.
Why not a take a trip
inside your dear old dad?
- Okay! I'm going in.
- [grunting]
- No! For this show,
you've got to get small first.
Now run down the hallway.
- [laughs]
- Okay, that's far enough.
[giggles] Aww.
- [high-pitched laughing]
- Oh!
- Dad, can you please remove
one of your socks?
- Sure, honey.
- [exclaiming]
- How you feelin', Dad?
- Like mashed potato
- Okay.
Patrick, how are you feeling?
- Oh!
I'm feeling like
mashed potato underpants.
- [sighs]
Like father, like son.
- Ooh.
Whoa, the directory of Dad.
[bell dinging]
- Welcome to Cecil Star.
Patrick Star, are you here
for the big tour?
- Yes.
You know my name?
- Sure do!
Your dad screams your name
whenever he stubs his toe.
My name is Rube Goldfish,
and I'll be your guide.
Where would you like to start?
We got shin bones,
knee bones, funny bones,
hip, snips and total eclipse.
The gut, the butt
and how about a jump cut?
- Whoa.
How about we start at the top
and work our way down?
- Excellent choice.
Express elevator going up.
[alarm blaring]
- [gurgling]
both: Oh!
- Patrick Star!
[alarm beeping]
- [groans]
- Top floor,
your daddy's brain.
- Ooh!
So this is where
all my dad's ideas come from.
- Oh, look,
here comes an idea now.
- Oh. Ooh.
- A brick in your shoe
will help you to chew.
- Ah!
Your dad's a genius.
- He gets it from me.
I bet Klaus would love
to know what's in here.
- These are the three feelings
that rule your dad's behavior.
- I'm feeling silly.
- I feel confused.
- I'm hungry!
- Knock it off.
[all grumbling]
[all gasp]
both: A remembery!
- A remembery!
All: A remembery!
- Huh?
I just rememberied.
I have a job, whatever that is.
- Dad, your son
is still inside your--
ugh, never mind.
- [vocalizing]
- You're a half minute late,
This is
the Undersea Space Agency,
and we demand punctuality!
- No, thanks. I'm on a diet.
- This is the brain-to-muscle
impulse board.
If the brain thinks it,
then the muscle does it.
- Amazing.
- [babbling]
- Brain to muscle,
go very fast!
- Huh? What's happening to me?
- Oh, huh?
- [struggling]
- Ah!
- [panicked muttering]
- We could use a man with
that Star's speed and agility
in outer space.
Send him up to astronaut
training on the double.
- Yes, sir,
General Grouper, sir.
- [wheezing]
- We're riding the optic nerve
on our way to the eyeballs.
- You mean the peepers.
both: Peepers! Woo-hoo!
- Please read the chart
in front of you,
starting with the top line.
- Let's see.
- Ooh!
- There's my son, Patrick.
- Ooh!
- My son Patrick.
And my son, Patrick.
- [humming]
- Ha, that's strange.
- Hmm.
- General wants a rush job
on this guy.
- Perfect.
You passed.
- Woo-hoo!
- This here is
your daddy's mouth.
- [sniffs] Ah!
I recognize his morning breath.
- This stop is the lungs.
Get ready to slide.
both: Whoa!
[lively accordion music]
- Whoa!
- Oh! [laughs]
- Wow. I never knew my dad
was such a windbag.
- [panting]
- Mm. Hmm.
- Okay.
- Whoa!
- Amazing!
- Oy gevalt!
- I heart this place.
It's the heart!
- Ooh!
- Or as I like to call it,
the discotheque.
[upbeat disco music]
- [laughs]
I bet Klaus could do
a good folk dance in here.
[both whooping and laughing]
- This is your dad's liver.
- I know this.
De liver is de part of de body
that brings you things.
That's why it's de liver!
both: Ooh!
- Oh!
- Oh, don't worry.
That's just bile.
Bile breaks down fat
and fatty acids.
- Oh, then it should work
on my baby fat.
- Oh.
- Did it work? Am I pretty?
- Yes. You know you are.
Now hold on tight.
'cause I know a shortcut
to the next organ.
both: Wee!
[both screaming]
[laughs] I know where we are!
Dad's stomach.
Look, there's Mom's waffles.
both: Whoa!
What's happening?
- I don't know,
but it sure is amazing.
- [screaming]
Where's the nearest restroom?
- You go down the hall,
up the stairs,
take the elevator
to the top floor.
You can't miss it.
- Rocket test in ten, nine,
eight, seven, six, five,
four, three, two, one.
All clear.
Blast off.
both: Whoa!
- [retching]
- We are in orbit.
- [gasps]
[both screaming]
- [giggles]
[inhales deeply]
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
- You belong inside.
- Ooh!
- And zat, Klaus,
is vat is going on
inside zee body.
Klaus? Klaus?
[upbeat disco music]
- [giggles]
Danke schoen, Herr Patrick.
- That's right.
Now you've got it.
- Wunderbar!
- Oh, boy!
This camping trip is gonna make
the most exciting episode
of "The Patrick Show" yet.
- Uh-oh.
- Just imagine, a sea star
versus the elements.
A TV host versus the wild.
It's kill or be killed,
eat or be eaten.
- I could eat.
- And eat you shall.
You'll be living off the land.
That's why we're bringing
only the bare essentials.
A compass,
a flint and tinder,
some twine
- Ooh! [slurping]
- And a change of underwear.
- Phew, just in time.
- Eugh!
- [chuckles]
- Uh-huh.
- [vocalizing] Whoa, there!
You kids can't bring all that.
- We can't?
- Of course not.
I could only afford
the extra, mega, jumbo size RV.
Oh, this baby
is so chock-full of color TVs
and king-sized beds,
there won't be any room
for that bundle.
- Wee! [laughs]
- All aboard for fun!
[engine starts]
[tires squeal]
both: Wow.
[angelic music]
- Dad, I'm producing
a show about Patrick
roughing it in the wilderness.
This isn't roughing it.
- I don't know.
This massage table's being
pretty rough on my back.
Oh, baby.
- Don't worry, sweetie.
Once we get to the campsite,
we'll really be roughing it.
You'll see.
Why don't you two watch
a fun camping movie
to get in the mood?
[owl hoots]
all: One little, two little,
three little teenagers ♪
Four little, five little,
six little teenagers ♪
- "Campfire Massacre Seven."
I hope it's a comedy.
All: Seven little, eight
little, nine little-- ♪
- [roaring]
[all screaming]
- [crunches, belches]
[both scream]
- Dad, will there be
any monsters
in the woods
where we're camping?
- Oh, son.
Of course there will!
That's why this RV
is packed to the gills
with anti-monster technology.
[alarm beeps]
[missile blasts, explodes]
[upbeat music]

["La Cucaracha" horn]
- [groaning]
Ah! [grunts]
And now it's time to rough it.
[humming softly]
Ah! Now this is roughing it.
What's going on?
Where's the RV?
- Don't worry, Dad.
I just needed more space
to set up for Patrick's
survival competition show,
"Toughing it Out."
The RV kept
getting in the shot,
so I asked Patrick to move it.
- Yup.
Parked it right over there.
both: Wow!
[both giggling]
- Patrick, you blew up the RV!
This is great!
I hope you're ready
to struggle for your life
'cause now
we're really roughing it.
- Dad, I'm scared.
- Don't worry, son.
When dads go camping,
they always bring
the three Gs with them:
gadgets, gizmos, and gear.
See? I've got all the doodads.
- You sure do, Dad.
- Doodad.
- Doodad!
- Doodad.
- Doodad.
- Doodad!
- All right.
We're rolling on camera one,
so pull it together, you two.
Now this surviroring
is all about
the first thing you do
when lost in the woods,
building shelters.
You'll each have 30 minutes--
- Oh, Squidina.
The first thing we need
to build is a toilet.
'Cause I've been holding it in
since we left home!
[device beeps, whirrs]
- Cool. That's way
better than my toilet.
We have a winner.
- Ugh,
that's not how this works.
You two have to build shelters.
[both laughing]
- I don't think so.
Since I just made bathroom,
I'm ready to eat again.
The next competition
is forest food.
First one to make lunch wins.
On your mark, get set--
- Done.
- Oh.
both: Ooh.
- Who wants omelets?
- Oh, I do, I do!
- Mmm!
- Dad, that's just
leaves and dirt!
- Well, all my ingredients
were on the RV,
so I had to rely
on the bounty of nature.
Who wants seconds?
- Ooh, I do, I do!
[belches] Mmm, piney.
I declare Dad
the winner, again.
- Fine. If I'm going to make
a show about roughing it,
I'm going to have to build
a shelter myself.
- Squidina!
- Oh, let her go, son.
She'll be back.
there's no forest so dark
it could stifle
the light of a woman's soul.
- Wow. That's beautiful, Dad.
- Thanks.
I read it on the wall
of the bathroom I built.
[thunder crashes]
[both shivering]
- Gosh, maybe we
do need shelter.
Did you bring some
automatic tent-y thing?
- Hm, I can't seem to find it.
Must have left it at home.
[thunder crashes]
- [grumbles]
both: I wish Squidina was here.
- There. Now that's how
you build a survival shelter.
[wind gusting,
thunder crashing]
Maybe Dad had the right idea.
Anyone living out here
without gadgets or gizmos
is a real ding-dong.
[creatures hissing]
[indistinct rasping]
Oh! Uh, I didn't mean you guys.
- Okay, son.
The shelter is ready.
Sea bears have thick fur coats,
so we should be warm
and dry inside.
- Oh, boy.
Squidina's going to love
this when she comes back.
[door slams]
[all growling]
- Maybe I should've
used sea lions.
[both gasp]
- That sounds like that
teenager-eating monster,
and I'm a--hold on.
Ahh! I'm a teenager!
- And I still suffer
from mild acne breakouts,
so it might mistake me
for a teen.
Curse my youthful complexion!
[both screaming]
- Please don't eat us!
[clams snapping]
[electrical zapping]
- Squidina, where are you?
- There's a monster loose
that wants to eat you.
Ahh! The monster!
- That's no monster.
That's my daughter.
- Squidina? Oh, thank goodness.
I could really use
another change of underwear.
[ghostly moaning]
- [rasping whisper]
- My daughter is the monster!
[creatures hissing]
[both screaming]
- Oh!
- Please, Squidina,
you can't eat my boy.
He hasn't experienced
the world yet.
- Yeah, eat Dad.
He's experienced enough.
- Oh, I don't want
to eat either of you.
I was just trying to show you
my survival shelter.
both: Ooh.
- So, sis, if you just wanted
to show us your shelter,
how come you were making
all those scary noises?
- I was speaking Isopod.
[rasping whisper]
- [pleasant chattering]
- After I met them
in the woods,
I spent the
next several minutes
learning their language,
assuming their manner of dress,
and becoming their leader.
With their help,
I was able to build
the shelter of my dreams.
- Now this is how you rough it.
I declare Squidina the winner
of "Toughing it Out."
- Here, here!
all: Woo-hoo.
- [roaring]
[all screaming]
- The end.

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