The Penguins of Madagascar (2008) s01e42 Episode Script

Maurice at Peace

I'm so excited, Marlene.
This'll solve all your problems.
Um, not sure what problems I'm having, but okay.
Meet the love-u-lator 3000.
Using scientifically proven methods, it will scientifically locate your ideal match according to science.
Yeah, good.
Real quick, one thing What? I mentioned science, right? It willll find your dream date, Marlene.
You'll be lonely no more.
Who said I was lonely? You didn't have to.
We're sensitive.
Mostly.
We just figured a single otter in the big city is lonely! The crushing solitude is eating you alive.
Um, no.
No, I'm I'm good.
And why are you guys suddenly interested in my social life anyway? All right, we needed a guinea pig, and you were the closest species.
Genetically speaking.
Kowalski's invention works.
Think of all the defense applications.
Defense applications? Of the love-u-lator? Limitless.
Rico, spit-fishing time.
W-wait, spit wha-ah Now that we have a saliva sample, DNA cross-referencing will do its thing.
Your new ??? is is is not in the zoo.
Adjust sensitivity.
Expand search perimeter.
And, uh, try that knob.
There he is.
Iin the park.
The lady walks on the wild side.
Okay, let's roll, men.
Guys, I am not looking for a date.
Marlene, this is a scientifically engineered hookup.
Respect the science.
Move out, men.
Double time.
I can't wait to meet Marlene's new boyfriend.
Maurice.
Those penguins are going to meet Marlene's new boyfriend.
Good for her.
No, not good for her.
She already has a boyfriend.
She does? Yes, silly.
it's me! You? Let me guess.
Marlene doesn't know you're her boyfriend, right? Well, I have been meaning to mention it to her.
But, I can see now, I must step up my wooing.
All right.
We'll need flowers, candy and No, no, no, Maurice.
The only way to win this competition is to eliminate the other competition.
All right.
We'll need a sack, clubs and rope.
Yes, Maurice.
Now you are thinking romantically.
He's near.
Very near.
In fact, he's here.
Gentlemen, Marlene's perfect match.
Hello.
Oh, no.
Not that guy.
What guy? It's what the love-u-lator says.
Well, maybe Fred is the one.
Private, come on.
Marlene is smart.
Fred is Yes, but, um Opposites attract? Folksy wisdom.
Must be true.
Penguins are ridiculous.
Like I need them to set me up.
Come on.
Hello, Marlene.
You guys, hello? I told you, I don't want Marlene, I am begging you in a hushed whisper, please, do this for me.
I am losing faith in science, and if I don't have science I dton't have I'm sorry.
Okay, Kowalski, Relax.
I will do this for you, but you owe me.
Marlene, this is Fred.
He's a squirrel.
Yeah, yeah.
The tail's a giveaway.
Hey, Fred.
What's up? Sky A few clouds Oh, I get it.
Up.
Yeah.
Well, he's got a sense of humor.
All righty, Fred.
Let's get to know you.
What makes Fred tick? What does Fred like? What does he dislike? Oh, I like a lot of things, except the things I don't like.
Stupid things I don't like.
You are really funny.
And Kind of, sort of cute.
Is this actually working? Oh, science, I never should have doubted you.
Let's give these lovebirds some alone time.
Roll out.
Oh, Fred.
I so didn't expect this, but I feel like we're I don't know, I feel like we're clicking.
Okay.
Hey, when I look in your eyes, you know what I see? What? Me.
That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever Сould you hold still? I got some lettuce in my teeth.
Stop, you joker.
I'm being serious.
Okay.
Okay, big question.
How do you feel about spanish guitar? You've got a a thing on your face.
It's a mole, or No, maybe a chipmunk or I'm a distraction.
Fred? Fred? And now to check on my little love experiment and see if the subjects are "digging" each other.
Lemurs stole my date! Whoa.
Where where are we? This is the reptile house.
I selected it for, you know, mood.
Mood? Very nice.
No, not nice.
Savage.
We are here to fight for Marlene's paw.
It think, she can keep her paw.
I already have four of my own.
Might as well sit down.
This is gonna take a while.
What is it she sees in you? It cannot be the bushy tail.
My tail is the bushiest.
The shiny fur? No.
This I have as well, you can see.
What do you have that I do not? Big teeth.
The teeth.
Mine are puny.
They lack pearly magnificence.
Mort, Maurice, give to me your teeth.
Okay.
Now get up on the lemur habitat.
No one's there.
Okay, this this is crazy.
What could the lemurs possibly want with my boyfriend? Boyfriend.
Who knows what sick and twisted things they're doing to him.
Rico, tracking mode.
Ooh, he's got something.
This way, men.
??? with this.
Um, I'm supposed to do what with this again? Hit me.
But you're already doing that to yourself.
But I told Listen to Hurry.
We've got to find Boo Boo.
Boo Boo? That's my cute nickname for Fred, you know.
Not that it's any of your business.
Cutesy nicknames.
Fantastic.
Come on, you lollygagger.
You're not even trying.
Just put your back into it and swing.
Do what now? Oh, I'm sorry.
No, that is what you are supposed to be doing.
Nice shot.
Thanks.
We're coming, Fred! We're coming! I've cracked the love code.
Oh, baby! I will take those showy-offy teeth right out of your nut face.
When I find julien, I am gonna rip him limb from limb, sew him back together, then rip him apart all over again.
Sounds like someone beat you to it.
Einstein's mullet.
What in the name of all that is decent and good have you done to him? Nothing.
He did it to himself.
Sadly, this is true.
You win, Fred the squirrel.
You may have the paw of the lovely Marlene.
You you guys were fighting over me? Julien, I am not some prize.
Yes.
Now that I look you over, especially from this unflattering angle, I have decided, you are right.
You are no prize.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wh-what? Maurice, cart me away.
Gently, Maurice.
Gently.
So, Fred, how about you show me the town? It's right over there.
You kidder.
You are kidding, right? I wonder how the rest of Marlene's date went.
I'm sure it was a many-splendored day.
Well, it had to be.
It was scientifically guaranteed.
Hey, guys.
So, uh, Fred yeah Not happening.
What? Yeah, it turns out what I thought was him being funny was actually him just being, uh Dumb as a sack of hammers? Let's just say I did not hear spanish guitar when we were together.
But science led us right to him.
Science said he was perfect.
Science! Why have you forsaken me? Fred, amigo, where have you been? Hey, Antonio.
I met this girl, but it didn't work out.
She kept laughing at me for no reason.
Oh, sorry to hear that, Fred.
It's hard to find that special lady.
Just ask me, the otter bachelor of Central Park.
What's odder about being a bachelor? You and that sense of humor.
Anyway, I'm going to play my spanish guitar now.