The Philanthropist s01e01 Episode Script


Happiness is the art of living well.
These days, not many people are living well.
(CHUCKLES) And the few who are Well, to me, they don't seem very happy.
I'm happy.
Most of the time.
Well, then, to be honest, I have more than my share of demons.
And sometimes they chase me and sometimes I chase them.
(ENGINE ROARING) And so there I was, racing through a jungle in Nigeria.
(G UNSHOT) Racing against time.
(GROANING) Racing against myself.
(G UNFIRE) (REBELS CLAMORING) Wondering how the hell I'd gotten there.
(G UNFIRE CONTIN UES) Feeling as if someone kept pushing back the finish line.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You expect me to believe this crap? I was simply trying to get the cholera vaccine to the village before all the people there died.
(LA UGHS) Man, I've heard some pickup Iines, but yours takes the blue ribbon.
I am not trying to pick you up.
Well, I am, actually.
But I am not Iying to you.
Yeah, yeah.
So, you're Teddy Rist, the billionaire businessman.
Up by the bootstraps, without a dime of bailout money.
Teddy Rist, the playboy.
Well, I have dated one or two well-known, attractive women.
Teddy Rist, the party boy.
I do Iike a good time.
Do you? Sure.
But a good time didn't bring you to Tartansville.
My plane developed a mechanical problem on its way back over the Atlantic.
L UELLEN: Your plane.
It's a new fuel-efficient model.
It's practically a hybrid.
Oh, yeah.
I Iike a man who's green.
But, you know, I still don't believe that you're Teddy Rist and that you were slogging vaccine through the African jungle.
Would it help if I told you that initially I was in Nigeria purely for business purposes? I was there to put the finishing touches to an oil deal.
Now, I was sleeping off a night of bacchanalia.
It's the ancient Greek word for just way too much of everything.
Rist, please open the door.
It says "Do not disturb" on the Mr.
Rist! door.
Yes? What? (STAMMERING) I'm sorry, Mr.
Um, the storm has flooded this area.
Homes are gone.
Many are drowned.
We must evacuate at once.
But there better be coffee.
Move to higher ground as soon as possible.
No, no, no.
They're taking us to higher ground.
HOTEL MANAGER: Yes, please remain calm, everybody.
Gerard, I want out of this Godforsaken hellhole, Iike, yesterday.
I'II call Air Traffic Control, the U.
Consulate, and the Prime Minister.
Rist! The copter to the airport has been washed away.
This way! Mister, come! TEDDY:.
And that's when I saw him.
This kid.
Teddy? What? Hey! Mr.
There's a kid over there.
He should go first.
The boy? Yes.
He's a beggar.
A no one.
Get in, there's no time.
No, he should go first.
Rist! The boy.
Him first.
MAN: I am not gonna die here! Out of my way! Move! Wait! Wait for me! Hey! Hey! What are you doing? (EXCLAIMS) (ALL SCREAMING) (GR UNTS) Come on.
Rist! (GR UNTS) TEDDY:: (SIGHS) You have to understand, I am so not the heroic type.
Reckless, yes.
Superman? Hardly.
(GASPING) (CO UGHING) (PANTING) Hey, Iook at me.
You got to Iet go.
Now, Iook at me.
(PANTING) You've got to Iook at me, kid.
That's it.
What's your name, huh? What's your name? (CRYING) Hey, I know.
I know it's scary.
(PEOPLE CLAMORING) It's all right.
Look, hey.
See those guys up there? (INA UDIBLE) Where do you Where do you Iive? Where do you Iive? (STAMMERING) kajuru.
Okay, okay.
We'II get you to kajuru.
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, kid, what's your name? What's (STAMMERING) I saved the kid, but in an odd way, he saved me.
AII right, Iook.
I've got other customers.
No, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let her deal with them.
Come on.
Uh, may I? I will give you $1,000 to keep Iistening and pouring.
So after the hurricane, Nigeria was Well, it was Iike New Orleans post katrina, you know? Nothing worked.
People were homeless and hungry.
So I did what any sensible man would do.
I got the hell out of there.
Went straight back to New York.
And Iet me guess, you have a huge corner office in a skyscraper high above Manhattan.
As a matter of fact, yes, I do.
But then, I am co-CEO of Maidstone-Rist Incorporated, so AII right, don't tell me, Mr.
Your company makes baloney.
(CH UCkLES) No, no, no.
We buy and sell natural resources.
So, uh, copper, oil, ethanol.
Yeah, anything profitable that comes from God's green Earth.
Okay, so if you're Rist, who's Maidstone? Oh, that would be Philip Maidstone, the co-CEO, my best friend.
Stocks are down ten points.
We needed the Nigeria deal.
Phil, please do not worry.
We will open that oil field.
How? The infrastructure around Port Harcourt is wiped out.
No, Iisten.
I have a plan.
I am going to go back to Nigeria and offer the government there a higher percentage their first year Ted.
Teddy! What the hell is wrong with you? It's over.
The deal is finished.
There is no going back.
Do I know the Nigerian Ambassador? Yep.
You got him drunk at the MoMA benefit.
And then there's OIivia, who runs our corporation's nonprofit foundation.
And perhaps one of the most extraordinary women in the solar system.
LUELLEN: It sounds like you two had a past.
Yes, indeed.
As intense as it was brief.
Teddy, I told you we're writing a check for $100,000 to the Nigerian Relief Fund.
Checks are fine, but I want to do something more.
There's a town there called kajuru.
I'd Iike to send a package.
Some food.
CIothing, I guess, some blankets.
Do you know? The whole What happened in Nigeria, Teddy? And I want it there tomorrow, you know? Get it there tomorrow.
Okay, you know what? Listen to me.
Since you've been back, you have been all coiled up.
You want to tell me about it? What happened in Nigeria, Teddy? (DOOR OPENS) You better be taking his pulse.
My fortune.
Wait a minute.
OIivia is Philip's wife? Oh, didn't I mention that? Oh, and, Teddy, do not forget your interview with CNBC at 3:30.
(STAMMERING) Interview? To discuss the relationship between Profit and Corporate giving.
I asked you weeks ago.
Can't we postpone it? No.
Oh, and, um, Julia called me twice.
There's something she really wants to talk to you about, okay? (MO UTHING) Me too.
LUELLEN: Julia? You mean there is another woman in your life besides me? Who's this Julia? Let me get back to you on that one, huh? (MO UTHING) Okay.
Did I tell you about Dax? My general factotum? My bodyguard? You have a bodyguard? Oh, yes.
Ted, the plane needs a complete tune-up.
Dax, can't you go any faster? TEDDY: You don't get to be 99th richest person in the world with hugs and kisses alone.
So, who is she? The mysterious Julia.
Your dominatrix? (LA UGHS) No.
My ex-wife.
Julia? Well, Iook who the trade winds blew in.
What are you doing? Uh, what am I doing? Um, I have a roller and some paint.
I'm water skiing.
Why didn't you tell me you were doing this? Oh, I called you, Teddy, and, um, I Iet you know that I was gonna box up Bobby's toys and clothes.
But But you never got back to me.
And then I I texted you and I told you that I was donating his bed to St.
Mary's Orphanage, and I never heard back.
And then I emailed you and said that I was going to paint his room.
I don't understand how you could do this.
Teddy, it's been almost a year.
This room became an addiction to me.
I would come in here every day and sit on Bobby's bed and hold his teddy bear and rock back and forth for hours.
There is a time to grieve, and there's a time to move on.
(M UMBLES) I have something for you.
I saved a box of Bobby's stuff for you.
I thought you'd especially want these.
He and I used to play with this for hours and You really should have been here, Teddy.
I'II never forgive you for this, you know? God, Iosing your son.
That must be so harsh.
Harshness knows no borders.
Anyway, I had to put on my public face and do this in-depth interview.
Teddy Rist, talking head.
Am I Iate? OLIVIA: Yes.
Huh? Oh.
Hey, get that package to kajuru, huh? Listen, Teddy, today is really important.
Can we talk about it Iater? Here, sit.
Yeah, sit.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Analysts project that by adding 20 new global projects, Maidstone-Rist will be one of the first companies to post record profits next year.
People want to know, how do you intend to spend your money? Well, yes, despite the current economic crisis (BREATHES DEEPLY) we, uh We will be paying handsome dividends back to our shareholders.
But most importantly, I'm very proud to announce that we have doubled our philanthropic contributions (WHISPERING) to 1.
80%0 of net revenue by donations to the charity foundation that we have here.
That's quite a commitment.
Well, yes.
We feel that we have not only an obligation to our, uh To our shareholders, but also to the sharp end of social (STAMMERING) It really is a FEMALE INTERVIEWER: A A priority.
It's a priority for us.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: I'm sure the recipients of your generosity are deeply grateful to you for all your contributions Just stop.
Oh, stop.
PIease stop.
Rist, I'm sorry No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
I'm I'm sorry.
For? I just can't do this.
I can't do it.
OIivia, Philip.
I can't be here.
I'm sorry, everybody.
Could you excuse us for a minute? Everybody.
Uh, five minutes.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Sure, yeah.
Guys? What are you doing? I'm going to Nigeria.
Teddy, Iisten to me, please.
We need you here.
The company's called Maidstone-Rist.
We need Rist here.
I'm Ieaving now.
Teddy, you can't.
Hey, if you can't deliver that package to kajuru, then I will.
I will get it there, but it just might Well, then you keep trying to get it there, and you keep doing the 1.
But I am going there, eyeball to eyeball, and deliver it myself.
See you.
My normal life didn't seem normal anymore: I had to do something.
Something else.
Something more.
(INAUDIBLE) And so I went back to Nigeria.
And my goal was simple and clear, bring medical supplies, blankets and food to the people who needed it.
And if I was lucky, to find that little boy.
I had no idea where Kajuru was, so I started in the capital, Abuja.
(CAR HORNS HONklNG) I can't believe I Iet you talk me into this.
Well, you are my head of Special Projects, are you not? Yes, but, Teddy, come on.
I was hired to spearhead new business development.
Who told you that? The MBA fairy? Unbelievable.
Is he gonna be back soon? This is not good.
TEDDY: I'd spent my life watching from a distance: From behind tinted glass.
And you know what? I just couldn't do it anymore.
So I stepped out.
And the most amazing thing happened.
(SPEAklNG LOCAL LANG UAGE) (CHILDREN SPEAklNG LOCAL LANG UAGE) How are you doing, huh? (PEOPLE SINGING IN LOCAL LANG UAGE) What's that music, huh? (DRUMS PLAYING) And suddenly, right in front of me, Jaba.
A rite of passage festival.
A young man's journey from boyhood to manhood.
(SHO UTS) (SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE) I've come here to help.
I have money.
Now, I'm aware that you're facing difficulties, which frankly can't be made any easier, what with your rebel activity I realize that you have money, Mr.
And if there are rebels, it is a rebellion against the very corporate intrusion that companies Iike yours routinely perpetrate on sovereign nations Iike Nigeria.
At any rate, thank you for your visit to our humble nation.
However, there is nothing for you to do here.
There is always something I can do.
Thank you for your time.
Okay, so that's it.
We go home? No.
The U.
Ambassador is a friend of mine.
He says he knows a doctor who can put us to work.
TEDDY: And you, where did you Iearn English? CHIMA: Oh, I received my medical degree from Harvard.
You sure you won't have a drink with us? No, thank you.
I have a clinic in one of the villages hit hardest by the hurricane.
Is it nearby? No, it's quite a journey through the jungles and deep into the mountains.
Excuse me.
Do you have anything other than the Jim Beam? Like, something maybe from civilization, you know? No? Don't worry.
Forget it.
It's okay.
Thank you.
Can you get Dax on the horn and ask him to make a special delivery, huh? Dr.
Balo, forgive me.
We've come here to help.
And we just keep hitting these These roadblocks.
So Ambassador korman thought you might There's a box of cholera vaccine at the airport.
It was supposed to be delivered to my clinic days ago.
When it didn't arrive, I drove here to come and fetch it.
But I just can't get the government officials to release the box to me.
Box of vaccine? Well, I think that should be within the bandwidth of our abilities, don't you? So, where did you say your clinic was again? kujama.
Two kilometers northeast of Abuja.
That's where I'm going.
That's actually the reason why we came here in the first place.
So tell me, why won't the government release the vaccine? There's a great deal of corruption in Nigeria.
The officials tell me it's a new import tax.
Tax meaning bribe, right? Fortunately, I happen to be very good at bribes.
I agreed to meet you, Mr.
Rist, because I thought you were a serious man who might be able to help me.
But this isn't about helping me or anyone else, is it? This is about you playing the role of the charming, rich businessman who travels the world, getting his hands just dirty enough to go back home and tell his American friends how meaningful his Iife is compared to theirs.
I don't have time for role-playing games, Mr.
The hurricane devastated my village.
People are dying of disease.
And your smiles and reassurances are not going to save them.
Enjoy the rest of your party.
Balo, will you stop? Dr.
I am going to solve your tax problem.
We are going to get that vaccine, and I am gonna bring it to kajuru.
kajuru? What does kajuru have to do with this, Mr.
Rist? I told you my clinic was in kujama.
Did you? kajuru, that's where I need to go.
It's kajuru.
Rist, you're obviously confused.
kajuru's the next town over, but it was destroyed in the storm.
Massive mudslide.
There were survivors, yeah? It's impossible to say, but I can tell you there are people alive in kujama.
AIive and in need of help.
I can I can do that.
That's what I'm here to do, is to help.
You're gonna have to trust me.
Okay? Fine.
Let's go.
Teddy, I'm sorry.
She's wrong about you.
No, she's not.
The vaccine was stuck in Customs at the airport, and people in Kujama were dying in droves.
And so I figured all I had to do was grease the wheel.
Did you drop your cash? Is that it? Yep.
Told you I'd deal with your tax problem.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Dax, Dax, Dax.
What is this? Just getting a box of medicine.
That's all.
Medicine that you think you can just take for yourself because you offer a bribe? I don't mean any disrespect.
Neither do I.
See? (PHONE RINGING) Hello? Arrested? What'd he do? Start a revolution? Okay, okay.
I'II make the call.
Thank you.
Who are you calling? I'm calling the White House.
The White House? And I suppose he woke up the President of the United States? No, Michelle.
He did wake up Michelle.
And she called the ambassador in Abuja, who sent one of his drones to bail us out.
What's next on the schedule? Waterboarding? We all get a good night's rest, and we start over in the morning.
No, Mr.
Rist, thanks for trying.
It's all been very sweet.
But where I'm going, there'II be no ambassadors or I'II get it for you and I will deliver it tomorrow.
And that is a promise.
Goodbye, Teddy, A.
Have a safe trip home.
Good night, boss.
TEDDY: I knew exactly what Chima was talking about.
You know, I had the heart, but not the belly.
I'm No.
I'm sorry, guys.
Hey, tomorrow, mmm? And so I did what I normally do when I'm depressed.
I set up a meeting with a drug dealer.
LUELLEN: What? TEDDY: When you need theater tickets, you contact the concierge.
(PHONE RINGS) Illegal drugs, the doorman.
Hello? GABRIEL: Beautiful night, yes? Beautiful city too, eh? Though it's no Manhattan.
You ever been to Manhattan? Only in the movies.
Someday I would very much Iike to visit.
(SIGHS) The famous Teddy Rist, eh? (GABRIEL CH UCkLES) I first saw you on the cover of the Cocorioko magazine when I was 14 years old.
I wanted to be you more than breathe.
How'd that work out? Ah, I make a Iiving.
(LA UGHS) You have a proposition? I'd hazard a guess, given your Iine of work, that you have, on occasion, had the opportunity to bring one or two items into the country illegally.
For the sake of discussion, yes.
Let's assume I have connections.
There's a box at the airport that I need retrieved.
I'II pay pretty much Ah, please.
Don't insult me, eh? I couldn't take money from Teddy Rist.
But you know how these transactions work.
One hand washes the other.
Someday, and that day may never come, I'II call upon you To do the same services for me, yeah.
I've seen the movie.
I hope you don't mind.
I've invited some guests.
(EXCLAIMING) They are all orphans.
(CH UCkLING) Hold on.
In the middle of a humanitarian disaster, you had an orgy? Gotcha.
I couldn't afford to lose another day.
I had the vaccine, but there was a hitch.
How in the name of God would I get the goods to Kujama? I thought all I had to do was rent a car.
But I'd forgotten.
Nigeria was in the middle of a nervous breakdown.
Yes? I'm terribly sorry, but there's no truck or jeep available from here What about a helicopter, hmm? That would just get you to the edge of the jungle.
Yes? What are you doing here? Locals want us out, as in off their tarmac.
They said if we don't move the "G" by today, they're gonna confiscate it.
Okay, what about if I parachuted in? (LA UGHS) Yes, you could jump out of a plane, but you wouldn't survive the Ianding.
Terrain is too dense.
Wait a minute.
I think I got something.
Maidstone-Rist has a factory in Benin, right? Yeah, just over the border.
Well, Dax and I could take the jet down there, get a company truck.
I mean, we'd be back in a day or Iess.
I told her today.
I mean, as a backup plan, that's fine.
So we'II call ahead, get a truck gassed, ready to go, and I'II wait here and see if I can find something faster.
Well, what are you waiting for? Go.
Get out of here.
(EXCLAIMS) You never know.
(CELL PHONE RINGS) Hello? I hear you are still in Lagos.
Yeah, I hit a snag.
The man in the Iobby with a yellow jacket is my driver.
I'll see you here for lunch.
One hour.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING) (INA UDIBLE) GABRIEL: Why didn't you call me? I thought I'd run out of Iuck.
GABRIEL: (SIGHS) Impossible, huh? I'II have my helicopter ready for you in one hour.
It will take you over the Jos PIateaus to the northern region where I have a jeep, a driver, and some bonbons waiting for you.
(LA UGHS) I can't thank you enough.
But this time, I do insist on paying you.
PIease, don't insult me, huh? I can't take money from you.
No, Gabriel.
Name your price.
(CH UCkLES) Uh-huh.
Nothing Iike wrestling with a moral dilemma.
You spell your name with one "E," I presume? (BOTH SPEAKING LOCAL LANG UAGE) Okay, what next? (SIGHS) We were making good time.
Almost at our destination.
I felt like I could exhale for the first time in days.
Until we ran into a joint operation between Nigerian law enforcement and the DEA.
DEA COMMANDER ON RADIO : United States Drug Enforcement Administration.
(DEA COMMANDER SPEAKING LOCAL LANGUAGE ON RADIO) TEDDY: They ordered us to land or be obliterated.
We landed.
Shut it down! Shut it down! Hand over that bag.
(GROANS) Take it easy, soldier boy.
Okay? (GROANS) Okay, all right.
Careful with that bag.
I'm sorry, did you say something? That's enough.
You, up.
(GR UNTS) I can explain all this.
If G.
Joe would just stop blowing in my face here! (GROANING) AII right! Enough.
What's this? That's vaccine.
Ah, I can explain that.
It's registered, but not in Nigeria, and not to me.
Look what I found.
Oh, great.
My, that's a big one.
AII right.
You have five seconds to explain what's going on, Mr.
I'm taking that vaccine to kujama.
That gentleman was offering me a ride.
Where'd you meet him? At the airport.
Parked his helicopter next to my Gulfstream.
You have a Gulfstream? Yeah.
(SIGHS) G550, brand new.
Oh! You can have a ride if you Iike.
Ride? Hell, I'd Iike to fly it.
Yeah? (SIGHS) I got a business card in there.
It's got my private number on it.
(SIGHS) Look, next time you hitch a ride, Mr.
Rist Just call me Teddy, huh? (CH UCkLES) Yeah.
Be a Iittle bit more careful, yeah? Yeah.
So how far is it to kujama from here, Commander? About 25 clicks.
You know, there's a fully-stocked bar on board that Gulfstream.
Walk away, Mr.
But watch yourself.
The region's swarming with rebels.
They'II shoot at anything.
(GPS BEEPING) (PANTING) Hello? (GOAT BLEATS) Hello? (G UN COCkS) Oh, this is so not my day.
(STAMMERING) It's okay.
I I have some vaccine in here for the children in kujama.
kujama? Yeah.
Um, does this work? (IMITATES ENGINE REVVING) Does it Does it work? (MAN ANSWERS IN LOCAL LANG UAGE) Yes? Do you think I could borrow it and (SPEAklNG LOCAL LANG UAGE) (CELL PHONE RINGING) Hey, it's okay.
See, it's just a Just a phone.
Hello? PHILIP: Look, where the hell are you? Just spoken to A.
She told me that you're taking a vaccine to a village in the jungle.
You want me to give you this? GIadly.
Teddy? Okay? We done now? (MAN PROTESTS IN LOCAL LANG UAGE) Come on, dude.
What? What do you want now? Do you want my watch? (SPEAklNG LOCAL LANG UAGE) Well, what else? What else you want? My shoes? (SIGHS) (SPEAklNG NATIVE LANG UAGE) (CELL PHONE RINGING) (SIGHS) (SIGHS) Dancing socks.
Ah, damn it.
PIease, come to Daddy.
(GR UNTS) Teddy? (CH UCkLES) Hey.
(SIGHS) I made it.
Oh, who would have thought it at the start, right? Yeah.
What? Nothing.
(SIGHING) The vaccine, is it, um Is it okay, the vaccine? Working its magic.
Come up.
Be careful.
(GR UNTS) Careful.
We've already gotten the word out to the nearby villages.
Survivors are coming from all over.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING) How will I ever repay you? TEDDY: Her eyes were on fire.
She was so alive.
So beautiful, and And we made Iove that night.
Under a resplendent moon.
Wow, you are so unbelievably full of it.
What? "Resplendent" too much? Uh-huh.
There he is.
Hey, what are you doing here? Oh, Iook.
The men from the Ioony farm have finally come to take you away.
He even gave me a bogus check for $1,000.
Miss, I wouldn't do that if I was you.
(PHILIP SIGHS) (LA UGHS) Happy New Year.
Come on, you haven't answered my question.
What are you doing here? What am I doing here? Uh-huh.
Me and OIivia were worried about you, man.
You ran off to Nigeria.
You get arrested.
Next thing, you're Iaying in some village clinic, dying from a snakebite.
And then I heard the plane had trouble Ianding.
I had to come and find you.
Wait a minute.
Wait You mean it's true? Well, the plane is fixed and ready to rocket.
PHILIP: Listen to me, hmm? Now that you're back from Nigeria safe, you are going to have to focus on business.
TEDDY: Yes, I will.
Only business.
Phil, I promise.
I will.
From now on, I Ieave the philanthropy to OIivia.
I have absolutely no interest in traipsing through the jungle anymore.
Battling rebels and snakes and tsetse flies, there's no upside to it.
BOY: Oumar! No return on my investment.
None at all.
You sure are, aren't you? Yeah, you You are Oumar, aren't you? I have (INA UDIBLE)