The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s05e04 Episode Script

If I Were a Witchman

["Ghostbusters" playing]
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
[alarm blaring]
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
[cat yowling]
Ghostbusters! ♪
[siren blaring]
[Slimer] Luigi, jump!
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
[Slimer] Ghostbusters!
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
And me! And me!
[tour guide] Now, take a good look, folks.
This quaint New England
village of Lewiston
is steeped in 300 years
of proud pilgrim history.
It's hard to believe that
such a peaceful place
once lived in absolute
terror of witchcraft.
Of course, huh, everyone today knows
that witches are just a myth.
Harv, look, there's a witch.
Come, goblins,
let's give these rubbernecks a real show.
[goblins snickering]
[witch cackling]
[tires screech]
[witch laughing]
[passengers screaming]
[indistinct clamoring]
[passenger] Oh, my goodness.
This is just the beginning, old friend.
[Egon] Be very, very quiet, Slimer.
This is a delicate experiment,
I need absolute silence.
[Slimer gibbering]
Gee, I could never get
that chair into reverse.
I like it, Egon.
The home ejection seat.
Guaranteed to spice up an
otherwise dull evening.
I was in the midst of
a delicate experiment.
And suddenly, a vision
of a hideous hag popped into my mind.
I lost all my concentration,
and ka-blooey.
Yeah, ka-blooey.
Oh, heh, sorry.
A "hideous hag?"
Maybe you've been working
a little too hard lately, bubby.
That's not the reason, Peter.
It was something else.
[phone rings]
Ghostbuster Central.
Hey, guys, do we do witches and goblins?
For double our usual fee?
So it's a hoax or swamp gas.
Just look at it as a well-paid
drive to Massachusetts.
We'll buy some maple syrup.
Maple syrup?
[slurps] Mmm-mm.
Have we sunk to this?
Compromising our principles
for a cheap sugar rush?
Not cheap, Egon. Double our normal fee.
Ah, I can smell those maple trees now.
[Slimer] Yeah!
[sharply inhales] Me too.
In two days, gentlemen,
we celebrate our 300th pilgrim festival.
Thousands of tourists will be arriving.
And I want this witch
problem cleared up by then.
Uh, Mayor, may I be frank?
He's really Peter.
Uh, please do.
Witches just don't compute.
My money's still on swamp gas.
Swamp gas could carry away a grown man?
OK, swamp gas with an attitude.
[both] Mmm-mmm.
Ray, Ray.
Not now, Slimer.
We're busy with the mayor.
I'll run a few tests on the remote chance
there is a ghost problem.
I'm confident Lewiston is
in safe hands, gentlemen.
By the way, your makeup is terrific.
I've got to run.
What makeup?
Hey, look, over there.
[Winston] Would you get a load of that?
Man, what's going on here?
Precisely what I am wondering.
[Peter] Is there something
you're not telling us, Egon?
Ah, wait, here we go.
Eli Spengler, legendary hero of Lewiston,
who drove out witchcraft 300 years ago.
I always thought that Grandma Spengler
made up that story
about her great grandpa
Eli imprisoning a witch in a crystal.
Well, statue or no statue,
my money's still on swamp gas.
Possibly, but I'm activating the sensors.
All right, Slimer, sweep the whole are
and be careful with that P.K.E cam.
It's the only one we've got.
Aye, aye, Egon.
The spud found something.
Whatever that place is, it's red hot.
That's the Lewiston Girls Academy.
Slimer, return to base, pronto.
Roger, Peter.
[wings flapping]
Company coming.
Sensors show a mass migration of spectral
activity headed straight for us.
- [goblins snickering]
- [Slimer screaming]
Swamp gas, huh, Peter?
[goblin screams]
[people screaming]
[witch cackling]
[mayor screaming]
[witch laughing]
Spengler, after 300 years,
I am free again.
You shall soon taste the revenge
of Kestrel!
That's her. The hag whose
face I saw in the lab today.
[Ray] Faster, Winston, we're losing them.
[Winston] Man, that broom really hauls.
I can't keep up.
They've gone off the scope,
but they were heading towards
that Girls Academy.
Uh, hang to left next corner,
it's about two miles out of town.
According to this, Kestrel is an evil
demoness who has no physical shape.
So she takes possession of people's bodies
and makes them do terrible things.
Well, what does she want with the mayor?
[Egon] Revenge.
Mayor Moody is a descendent
of the original pilgrims
who captured Kestrel.
So is the missing bus driver. And so am I.
Then as long as Kestrel's loose,
you're in danger.
So we're going to stick to you
like cops to a donut shop.
You got that right.
[Kestrel cackles]
[P.K.E. Meter buzzing]
May I help you?
Sorry, ma'am, official business.
We're chasing a witch.
Not here, you're not.
My girls are studying for final exams
and cannot be disturbed.
[Winston] Ma'am, we're the Ghostbusters,
and we
And I'm Margaret Prandish,
headmistress of this school.
Now, you must leave immediately.
You don't understand.
Our instruments show that this school
is a veritable psychokinetic Chernobyl.
What did he say?
Who cares, he's totally cute.
Now, now, ma'am, no need to get excited.
We're professionals.
Isn't she cute when she's angry?
[girls giggling]
Good night.
Glad to be of help, ma'am.
We'll check it out, ma'am.
Try not to worry, ma'am.
Poor girl's crazy about me.
I'm getting abnormally high valency.
[rapid beeping]
Ouch. Something major down there.
- [gasps]
- [all] What?
You those Ghostbuster fellas?
Hey, you better be
careful around this hole.
[Ray] What is it anyway?
[man] Well, they're digging
for a new gymnasium
and hit some old stone ruins
a few days ago.
Then, every blasted piece of
equipment just quit on them.
Darnedest thing I ever saw.
Hey, where you going?
Gotta check something out.
Oh, it's scary in here, Ray.
This is definitely an old
Elron Witchcraft Altar.
But there'sThere should be
a big round rock crystal right here.
- [metallic clang]
- Ouch
Whoa, got something, guys.
Hey, what's that?
Wow, that's it.
[Ray] Or, half of it.
[confused snarl]
Hey, hey, whoa. Hey, get out of my face.
Whoa, hey.
They're after the crystal.
Ugh, let go you little larva. [grunting]
Nice move, Slimer.
Egon, behind you.
Hey, nail him, Winston,
I can'tI can't see them.
Sorry, man.
At least we still have
the crystal fragment.
And a few tests should tell us
why it's so important to Kestrel.
[high pitched whirring]
Hey, look out, stop.
Hold on, Slimer.
It's half of a primitive containment unit.
Kestrel must have the other half.
Yeah and whoever ends up with
both halves, wins.
[Ray] Miss Prandish, we're convinced that
Kestrel has taken possession of
a human host in this school.
It's imperative that we run
P.K.E. tests on every girl here.
Absolutely not.
I told you that my students
are in the midst of finals.
Well, what if we blend in
and work undercover?
"Blend in"?
Gentlemen, this is a girls' school.
You owe me big for this one, Egon.
Protecting you from witches
is getting to be a real drag.
If you know what I mean.
Do I have too much eye shadow?
The problem is the color, Peter.
It has to compliment your lip gloss.
I have a color chart.
Forget it.
Winston and his bright ideas.
I just wish he had
to wear these pantyhose.
They're murder, man.
[bell ringing]
It's showtime.
[door slams]
[blows whistle]
Lap nine.
Keep it moving, girls.
[P.K.E. Meter whirring and beeping]
You all failed.
Uh, Miss Prandish.
Excuse me, Miss Prandish.
I need to speak with you.
Gross. Code maroon.
Ground floor, corridor c.
What's up, Ray?
What's up, Ray?
She's using Miss Prandish's body.
She had to go through here.
I was right on her tail.
I have a reading,
but it's too weak for a directional fix.
[goblin mumbles indistinctly]
Well done.
With these, I shall use
the flesh and blood of a Spengler
to destroy Lewiston.
This is it, guys.
We're going into that school
and we're not coming out
until Kestrel's in the bag.
Let's do it.
Yeah, let's do it.
Vampire wings and scorpion stings
ground to powder fine.
Now the spell is complete.
Egon Spengler is mine.
[goblins gabbling]
Ice 'em, Egon.
Trap on!
[Slime snarling]
Ray, Peter, Winston!
Witch has Egon.
[Krestel grunts]
Ray, Winston, Kestrel's got Egon.
Correction, Kestrel is Egon.
Oh, no.
Now, now, you know if you use that weapon,
you'll harm your precious Egon.
Egon, I know you're in there.
Fight it, big guy.
Too late.
Whoever ends up with both halves, wins.
Huh, right, Peter?
Ray, bring that potion.
She's going straight for Ecto.
By possessing Egon, she also
possesses his awareness.
So she knows where our half
of the crystal's hidden.
Three hundred years,
I have waited for revenge,
Eli Spengler.
[vehicle approaches]
[brakes screech]
Keep them busy.
Wait, any of that exorcism juice left?
I'll have to make some.
Do it. We'll hold the spooks off.
[pulsated beeping]
Ghostbusters ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
As descendent's of
those who imprisoned me 300 years ago,
it shall now be your prison for eternity!
Get ready, spud.
Ghostbusters ♪
Ghostbusters ♪
Nice going, man. You feeling OK?
Actually, I feel like
I need a long shower.
Hey, Egon, you big knucklehead.
How come you're back in that
ugly dress and stupid wig?
I beg your pardon?
Hey, Peter, leave that lady
alone and come join us for lunch.
Swamp gas would've been so much easier.
It's showtime.
[theme music playing]
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