The Real Ghostbusters (1986) s06e16 Episode Script

The Magnificent Five

["Ghostbusters" playing]
Ghostbusters! ♪
There's something strange ♪
In the neighborhood ♪
[cat yelping]
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
[alarm blaring]
There's something weird ♪
And it don't look good ♪
Who you gonna call? ♪
[cat yowling]
Ghostbusters! ♪
[siren blaring]
[Slimer] Luigi, jump!
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
I ain't afraid of no ghost ♪
[Slimer] Ghostbusters!
Who you gonna call? ♪
Ghostbusters! ♪
And me! And me!
[thunder crackling]
Black Bart! He's- He's a coming back!
[all screaming]
[man] Black Bart's comin'!
[people screaming]
[ghosts laughing]
Hear me, mortals!
I told you afore,
you can run,
but ya can't hide!
[ghosts laughing]
I do believe we got their attention, boys.
[Black Bart] Now, listen up
and listen good.
From now on this here town is mine!
I'ma comin' back Saturday at high noon
and I want all you human scum outta here!
Or else!
[ghosts laughing]
[indistinct conversations]
All right, people.
Are we gonna take this sittin' down?
[all] Heck no!
Are we gonna walk away from this town
and the gold mine
we worked so hard to dig?
[all] Heck no!
Are we gonna stand up to these ghosts
and show 'em who's boss?
[indistinct muttering]
[all] Heck no!
Wait a minute.
As your Mayor,
I'm prepared to offer a reward
for whoever volunteers
to get rid of Black Bart.
[indistinct muttering]
And here's some gold in advance
to get things started.
So who's gonna volunteer?
[Dwayne] We'll do it.
[both] You'll do it?
We got a foolproof plan.
We do?
Well, just remember,
you only got till Saturday at high noon.
No problem!
[indistinct muttering]
Dwayne, are you plum out of your tree?
Black Bart'll chew us up and spit us out.
Relax, Wendell.
Here's my plan.
[Wendell] The Ghostbusters.
[alarm blaring]
[people screaming]
Where is that little rag picker?
- [gasps]
- [laughing]
Heads up, guys!
[all screaming]
- No!
- [crashing]
It would be, Wendell.
Fun city!
[people screaming]
[all speak indistinctly]
Bandit at 1:00.
- [groans]
- [ghost laughs]
[both grunt]
[Dwayne] Well,
I'll be a prairie dog's papa.
Them is the Ghostbusters.
- [all groan]
- [laughing]
[ghost laughing]
Surprise, Fly Boy! Coffee, tea or protons?
Say, you're just the fellows
we're looking for.
Thanks a bunch, Tex.
You made me miss a clean shot.
[Egon] He's gone.
You know what bugs me the most?
It's not so much losing the money.
It's more, more like,
losing the money.
Hey, amigos!
Oh, man, it's those two prairie
rocket scientists who cost us the ghost.
You boys are the real Ghostbusters, right?
Why, yes we are.
[Peter] And this is a real car
and this is a real goodbye.
It's been real.
Let's go, Winston.
Hold it. Let's see what they want.
What can we do for you fellows?
An autograph?
No. We got a big job for y'all.
Sorry, pal, no interestado.
Well, Wendell,
reckon they ain't interested
in this here gold
we was gonna pay 'em neither.
In order for us to help, gentlemen,
we need to know why this ghost you call
Black Bart wants your town.
'Cause he wants what everybody wants,
our gold.
Are you saying there's more gold
where this came from?
Heck yeah!
Our little old town of Spittoon
is sittin' on top of a whole gold mine.
But I'ma warning ya,
Spittooners don't take kindly
to strangers snooping around.
Oh, perish the thought.
My interest in Spittoon
is strictly of a supernatural nature.
Well, what are we waiting for, pilgrims?
Let's saddle up and at 'em out.
[thunder crackling]
[ghosts laughing]
Looks like them lily-livered humans
are long gone, Bart.
Now it's all mine!
[laughs] A powerful well
of spectral energy
right under my feet.
Energy, fill me
with your unworldly power!
[horses neighing]
Make me the mightiest
desperado of all time!
Well, something's shutting down the power.
There's human's nearby!
[Winston] Well, here we are.
Beautiful downtown Spittoon.
Better slow down, boys.
Black Bart's a mean one.
Hey, don't worry, Dwayno.
We're from the big city.
We can handle this backwards boogeyman.
No sweat.
[all] Oops!
[Dwayne] [shivers] Black Bart!
All right!
A real wild west showdown!
This is great!
I warned you humans!
[all screaming]
[all gasp]
- What class, Egon?
- Seven or better.
The problem, human,
is that you're in my town!
[all screaming]
[all shouting]
Some kind of force
deflecting our throwers.
Ha! You boys can't hit
the broad side of a barn
with them peashooters.
You sure these are
the real Ghostbusters, Dwayne?
Yeah, yeah, it's just
part of their plan, Wendell.
[Peter] Whoa! I can't control my blaster!
Is retreating part of their plan too?
[Egon and Ray] Take cover!
Our blasters don't work
and Ecto's history.
How are we supposed to stop this spook?
[Black Bart] You can't stop me, humans.
[ghostly laughter]
Nothing can stop me!
[all exclaim]
[Ray] Look out! Look out!
[Slimer shrieking]
[Black Bart] Yoo-hoo! [laughs]
[ghosts laughing]
I have a possible solution.
Oh, great, Egon,
if we can't stop him with 2,000 gigahertz
of proton power,
let's throw a washtub at him.
Not quite, Peter, keep your head down.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
[Black Bart] Say your prayers, humans.
You've seen your last sunset!
[all screaming]
This time we're playing
your song, slime balls.
One problem, at low power
we can't trap 'em!
No, but we can sure run 'em outta town!
I'll be back for the final showdown!
Yay, we did it!
[people muttering]
Why do I get the feeling
that this isn't a welcome wagon.
[people clamoring]
Howdy, Red, where y'all been?
Layin' low to save our hides.
You said you had a plan,
then you vanished.
We was getting' help.
We don't need no help from strangers.
Specially ones that
got their own creepy ghost.
Hey! I'm nice!
[Egon clears throat]
I assure you, sir, we have vast experience
in matters of paranormal elimination.
And out levy for said services
is quite reasonable.
[all] What did he say?
They get rid of ghosts
and they work for cheap.
Well, you sure
didn't get rid of Black Bart.
You just made him madder.
He said he was coming back.
Hey, don't worry, Red.
This time we'll be ready for him.
Just like Gary Cooper in High Noon.
These new fiber optic force field lenses
should help us discover what it is that
Black Bart is so interested in here.
[high frequency buzzing]
Wait, I'm getting something.
Directly beneath the street.
[indistinct muttering]
[Dwayne] You're making everybody nervous
as a slug on the barbeque.
Spittoon's gold mine
runs right under this here street.
If it's gold you want, here.
This should be more
than enough to cover your bill. Now, get!
Sir, we are not after your gold.
Black Bart isn't after your gold either.
But I surmise that
what he is after is down in that mine.
A power source strong enough
to make him invulnerable.
[Peter] [pants] Egon, I have a question.
What are we doing here?
The more we learn
about this energy source,
the better we can deal with Bart.
Let's stop here
and take a specter source reading.
[brake squeals]
Oh, boy! Oh, boy, oh, boy!
[speaks gibberish]
[all screaming]
I hate bats!
Oh-oh. The sensor one on the rail cart
is registering a massive power surge.
Slimer's headed for trouble.
The power source
is diminishing the closer we get.
It made me all
[Ray] All weird.
Maybe something about human beings
weakens the spectral surge.
Not maybe, Ray, exactly.
[metal clanking]
[Peter] All right, listen up troops.
Repeat after me,
we ain't afraid of no ghosts.
[all] "We ain't afraid of no ghosts!"
The marshal can't hear you!
[all] [yelling]
"We ain't afraid of no ghosts!"
Gee, thanks, Deputy Slimer.
Now the marshal can't hear anything.
[chuckles] Oh, sorry, Marshal Peter.
OK, people.
No matter what Black Bart throws at you,
you must learn
to remain calm at all times.
Slimer, take 'em through
simulation freight training.
[all screaming]
Why do I get the feeling
that this is gonna be a long night.
Good job!
- [both gasp]
- [growls]
[blowing raspberries]
All right! Nice going!
Spud, I think we're ready
to kick Bart's bottomland.
Yeah. Kick bottomland!
Slimer, have you been
using my whistle again?
Only once.
All deputy Ghostbusters
present and accounted for, sir!
OK. What are we?
[all] We ain't afraid of no ghosts! Hut!
Impressive, Peter.
Now all we have to do
is wait for Black Bart to show up.
If he dares!
Just like in The Magnificent Seven.
[Red] Hey, there's a train a-coming.
Impossible! We don't have a train station!
[thunder crackling]
[train horn blowing]
[all screaming]
[bell tolling]
[Black Bart] Yee-haw!
High noon, boys.
Time for the final showdown!
The place looks dead, Bart.
My kinda town.
Spectral well,
fill me with your power!
What the
Thieving humans done tricked me!
[Ray] We done tricked you, Bart.
And this community is of inadequate size
for our combined factions,
I plum reckon.
What he means is,
this town isn't big enough
for the both of us.
- Just like in
- [all] Shut up, Ray!
We got you outnumbered.
And we're not afraid of you.
So clear out or we'll clear you out!
Yeah, clear out, partner!
[horses neighing]
Looks like Bart's got some back up!
[all exclaiming]
[thunder crackling]
[people screaming]
[thunder crackling]
[all screaming]
[all exclaiming]
Send 'em to boothell, boys.
Spectral well,
give me power!
[Egon] It's happening.
He's transforming into a demon!
[Black Bart yells]
Hey, we need more people.
We need the cavalry.
[driver] [over speakers] Ladies and gents,
on behalf of Wild West Tours
I have to apologize.
We seem to be slightly lost.
But no problem, folks.
I'll just stop in this little town
and get directions.
Oh, look, Marge, a stunt show.
[Black Bart] More energy!
Give me more!
[woman exclaims]
This is much better than those
movie studio tours!
[Black Bart] Now what?
[Peter] They're called
reinforcements, Bart.
And they're on our side!
[engine starts]
Why you sneaky polecats!
Packs ready?
Let's lasso those doggies.
Bring 'em in!
Adiós, Bart!
No human beats Black Bart!
[people cheering]
Ghostbusters, you truly saved our town.
And the good people of Spittoon, Texas
want to show you our appreciation,
[all] Hip-hip-hurray!
Winston, my man, in about 10 seconds
we're gonna be rich, rich, rich!
And since you boys said you weren't
interested in our gold,
we thought you'd like
to remember us by these.
Genuine cowboy hats!
Oh, fabulous.
[Ray] Wow! That was great!
Cowboys, gun slingers,
showdowns at high noon!
What else could you possible ask for?
Oh, gold nuggets, gold bars,
gold dust, gold veins.
Sorry I asked.
[Peter] Gold chains,
gold rings, gold mines, gold
[theme music playing]
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