The Righteous Gemstones (2019) s02e04 Episode Script

As to How They Might Destroy Him

I know a place we can go once a year On the magical street filled with holiday cheer Whoo-ooh! Look at that.
Sitting on Santa's lap.
You're gonna be the number one elf.
You're his number one elf.
Whoo! Hey, Gloria, why you dragging behind, man? Come on, let's go.
Show some hustle.
God, we gonna miss all the good deals.
I swear to God, every time I turn around, it's like you damn got lost staring off into space.
Fuckin' space cadet.
All right, look here, Harmon.
Now, you gonna pick out your own gift today.
None of this guessing shit.
I ain't gonna let Santa Claus take all the credit neither.
Now, the gift you get today Look at me, son Is from your daddy.
Now, we can go anywhere in this entire mall.
We can go to Chess King, we can go to Sam Goody's, we can go to The Body Shop.
You name it.
Well, we can get a pet at the shelter for free instead of supporting this puppy-mill shit.
Are you a cat boy or a dog boy, Harmon? Some people might think they're both, but you got to be one or the other.
Now, that's just a fact.
Now, which one are you? Aw, he a cat boy.
Gloria, go to the back and get the manager.
You gonna buy Harmon a cat today.
Trust me, he's gonna need it.
You like them kittens? Beep beep.
Yeah, beep beep, buddy.
Hey, Harmon, look here.
Look at me.
Now, son, you're always gonna remember this Christmas.
But no matter what, I will always be your daddy.
Just like these genuine pair of Oakleys, there is no substitute for the original.
You hear me? - Come here.
Oh, yeah.
You got the goods, boy.
I love you, son.
You wait right here for your mama.
I'm already so anxious.
Your family's so fucking tedious to deal with, BJ.
What? Tedious? They only visit, like, once a year.
Still, it's too much.
This is not what I envisioned for myself.
I always thought I would marry a orphan with a dead family so I didn't have to deal with this shit.
Being married is learning to compromise.
You know, I'm getting baptized even though I'm not 100% solid on it because I know how important it is to you and your family.
You are killing me right now.
Not 100% solid? BJ, I organized a massive celebration.
I got a DJ coming in from Vegas.
My daddy's gonna baptize you personally.
What, now you're having doubts? Inviting weird people? "Weird people"? You mean my family? Why are they even coming, BJ? They're fucking filthy atheists.
They're intellectuals.
People of reason and science.
I mean, part of it, I'm sure, is morbid curiosity, but for the most part, they support me.
They're good folks, Jude.
Well, it is not ideal that your mom is a divorcée and that Ken is just a stepdad.
My biological father was abusive.
We left in the middle of the night in 1990.
- You know that.
- I know.
I know.
I'm just saying wishes.
- Well - BJ! - KJ! - Oh, my son, I've missed you.
- Hugs.
- Hey.
Hey, Ken, looking good.
- BJ - Fucking kidding me.
Looking better than good.
Oh, my God.
Hey, Ken.
Sup, dog? These are lovely accommodations.
Well, we just wanted you guys to be comfy.
I mean, we probably could have stayed in a couple of the 14 bedrooms at your mansion, but Oh, actually, KJ, you couldn't have, 'cause we have guests right now.
My uncle and his wife.
Crazy to spend money on lodging.
I mean, just two people? Well, it is just two people, Ken, but my uncle's wife is special needs.
Yeah, she's basically a feral person.
And she's also pregnant.
So y'all want to give them their space.
- Yeah.
- Pregnant, ooh.
Maybe it'll rub off and give you two some baby fever.
- Oh, Mom, stop.
- Oh, you can go fuck yourself.
Baby fever isn't real.
Still would have been nice to stay at the infamous Gemstone compound.
You're at a baptism.
It's not a vacation, where, like, you stand around and gawk at things.
You wouldn't expect to look at shit if this was a circumcision.
If BJ was getting his dick cut off, you wouldn't be all, like, "Hey, we want to stay in your house.
" You'd be like, "This is important.
This is about God.
" Same diff.
Pretty great hotel, huh? [COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC.]
- Oh! - Bam! Oh, my God! [LAUGHS.]
- Hit that sweet spot.
- Whoo! Boy, we have been having some epic hangs, huh? Oh, we sure have.
With each hang, stronger and stronger bonds, huh? - [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- It's funny, 'cause a business relationship enhances a friendship, 'cause then there's respect and admiration.
Yeah, I ain't proud of this, but some of my regular friends, like the ones we don't do deals with, I don't know, I just feel myself thinking they're dumb.
Eh, not dumb.
That's not PC.
- I just feel sorry for them.
- Mm-hmm.
I don't think you need to feel sorry for them.
You know, maybe they're just dealing with things outside of their control.
You know, that's true.
You never know what somebody's going through.
You know, whether it's financial troubles or family cock blocks.
- Right.
- Who wants to look at some pool shapes for Zion's? I know I do.
Bam! Infinity pool, old-school kidney bean Lyle Lyle, uh, look.
I'll admit, there is nothing in this world I would rather do than discuss pool shapes with you, but, uh I just feel like I gotta tell y'all something first.
Hey, Jesse, are you crying? No.
Well, concerning the money, it looks like Amber and I are falling a little short of what we need for the Zion's investment.
I don't think we can pull it off.
You don't have $10 million? The Gemstones are worth, like, 600 million.
I looked it up on Bing.
That's my daddy.
That's not us.
I mean, one day it will be, but sadly, right now it is not.
He's not helping? - Did you ask him? - Oh, yeah.
He's trying to teach me a lesson, telling me I gotta figure it out on my own.
Well, this genuinely sucks, Jesse! You told us you were in.
You gave us your word.
You promised a commitment.
Let me ask your dad for the money.
- He'll say yes to Lyle.
- No, it won't work.
- It's not gonna work.
- Well, you ask him again.
Well, I already asked him bunches.
It's Damn it, man! Joe Jonas and his wife were just telling me how cool they thought you were.
- What? - Yeah.
This is so disappointing, man.
We got along so good with y'all.
Well, that doesn't need to change, does it? I mean, we can still remain on this pathway to becoming very close friends.
We'll catch y'all on the next investment dealio.
We would love that.
There isn't another one.
This is the only one, Jesse.
See you in the car, baby.
Do y'all think you can cover two beers and some peanuts? I think peanuts are free.
Who wants to go on a mission? In 15 hours, we shall walk the Judean Desert just as our Messiah did more than 2,000 years ago.
Away from civilization, away from betrayers who cheat on mamas.
I'm talking 40 days and 40 nights, y'all! - Can I get a JC? - ALL: JC! Can I get a JC? ALL: JC! [HARD ROCK MUSIC.]
God Squad.
Let's move.
Time to move on to a better place I'll soon find my home No, you cannot stop me now I am on my way Martin.
What's the meaning of this? Eli received your email, and he says you are not permitted to take a jet to Israel.
Martin, what is the deal, my dude? BJ's baptism is tomorrow, and you are expected to attend.
Oh, shut up.
Okay, that is asinine.
This whole deal is just Judy kissing Daddy's butt.
- You know this.
- Oh, I'm sorry, Kelvin.
No, Martin, come on.
Hey, I know that I'm your favorite.
You just missed us, right? You just missed us.
Let my people go to Israel.
No jets.
Yeah, jets.
- No, Kelvin, no.
- Yes, yes.
No jets.
Hi, there.
Misbehavin' [CAR BEEPS.]
Aw, what the hell? Maniac Kid.
Are you talking to me? I have a message from my boss.
That's the state fruit of Tennessee right there, old timer.
Oh, I know a tomater when I see one.
You get the message? Well, the message is a little vague, but I think I get the general idea.
Well, let me spell it out for you then.
You hurt my boss's feelings real bad.
And he's not the kind of guy that likes to have hurt feelings.
Oh, I don't know anybody that likes hurt feelings.
Do you? - [GROWLS.]
- [HOWLS.]
You ain't a bad heel, son.
That growl needs work, though.
He wants an apology.
You're gonna give him one.
Tell Junior I am very sorry, but he can go fuck hisself.
- - Now, listen up, everybody.
- - I'm gonna tell y'all a story.
There is a fountain filled with blood Drawn from Emmanuel's veins And sinners plunged beneath that flood Lose all their guilty stains Lose all their guilty stains Lose all their guilty stains And sinners plunged Hi, good to see you.
- Thank you.
Lose all their guilty stains When this poor lisping, stammering tongue Lies silent in the grave Then in a nobler, sweeter song I'll sing thy power to save Hi! Amen, amen.
Thank you.
That's off my brand-new hit album, "Lightning Round.
" In stores everywhere.
Also available for download.
Today is the day that TJ is gonna be born again.
Can I get an amen? ALL: Amen! [LAUGHS.]
Now, who's ready to meet TJ 2.
- BJ.
Whoo! I don't understand this.
Okay? I cleared it all.
Well, you're on here, plus one.
- Yeah? - But these 17 boys aren't.
First the planes, now this.
What the fuck are we even doing? Everyone is getting in.
Okay? Trust.
You are my plus one.
Gather little-to-no-carb finger foods to nourish the men.
Find a service entrance to sneak them through.
Await my word.
Today we join together with the people we love to witness Benjamin Jason declare his commitment to our Lord, Jesus Christ.
BJ, come on down, son, and join the kingdom of God.
Butterflies Butterflies, they start as caterpills And the caterpills, they change into butterflies That's why Jesus died To take all of our Earthly sins away When a man outgrows The family of his origin And they've no place in his life 'Cause he's different now He's got to show them how They need to see and just go away [WHISPERS.]
Would you like to say anything? Thank you all for witnessing my journey.
I was an afraid man, but now I'm brave and strong.
Do you accept Jesus Christ into your heart, - as your savior? - Yes, I do.
- Okay.
We got you.
Introducing BJ "The Christian" Barnes! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE.]
Eight Seven Six, five Four, three, two, one You set my lips on fire You won the key to my heart You've got a special way to move me I'm so proud of you, sugar baby.
- I'm on cloud nine.
Thank you for the honor, Eli.
I'm gonna go slip into some special baptism duds.
Hey, don't you dry that hair, though.
People want to see it.
That's proof.
Well, you're really phoning it in today, - aren't you? - Excuse me? Come on, Daddy.
You're being all mopey and weird out there.
We're not even getting fun Eli.
We're getting emo, low-energy Eli.
It must be so hard to act like you're having fun.
Guess you'd rather be chasing skirts than supporting your daughter on her big day.
Huh, here I was thinking it was your husband's big day this whole time.
Did BJ even want to get baptized? Yes.
I told him to, so yes.
I hear your name whispered on the wind It's a sound that makes me cry I hear a song blow again and again Through my mind and I don't know why I wish I didn't feel so strong about you Like happiness and love revolve around you Trying to catch your heart Is like trying to catch a star So many people love you, baby That must be what you are Eli.
Eli, here I am.
Eli Gemstone.
Hey, hey, hey.
There's a fountain filled with blood [LAUGHS.]
That was a great song, wasn't it? - Brought the house down.
- Yes, sir, it was.
- You loved it, didn't you? Yes.
- I did.
You know, I'm on the Christian pop charts now.
I know, you keep reminding me.
How are you feeling, darlin'? - Great.
I'm due any day now.
- You sure are.
That's why I'm surprised you traveled.
Well, there'd be a lot of upset folks if old Baby Billy didn't make it.
'Sides, this is a family baptism.
I couldn't miss that.
Now, that's way too important.
It's a goddamn joke is what it is.
Hey, Tiff, you know what? Give me and Eli a minute.
We got some men's business to discuss.
Why don't you go back over there and take some more pictures? Here, take these wings, will you? And don't fly off, now.
Go over there and look cute, now.
Get that baby in focus.
All right.
What's going on, old boy? I just got a lot on my mind.
Well, fair enough.
That's the funny thing about life, you know? Its ups and downs.
I mean, look at me.
I mean, I'm on the way up, and you on the way down.
I'm not on my way down.
Oh, you are, a little bit, Eli.
You know, but it don't matter.
Here we are, just kind of meeting in the middle.
Just two chiefs sitting inside of a tepee, just equals talking.
I'm glad you're doing well.
That's a real blessing, with the new baby coming and all.
You got a chance to do it right this time.
Don't do him like you did Harmon.
Don't go mentioning that name.
I never told Tiff that I had another son.
And now's not the time to bring it up since I got a brand-new son on the way.
Very thoughtful of you.
I was not the best daddy to Harmon, but we live, and we learn.
I mean, things are going good for me now.
I got a brand-new son on the way.
And I don't need my old son fucking it up.
You know, if this If this new one's born while we're here on this visit, you on the hook for financial support, right? - That's not how it works.
- Oh, yes.
It's just like them migrants do with them anchor babies.
Just take care of your own responsibility.
You are one temperamental son of a gun.
You know that? It was a joke, Eli.
Chill out, man.
Everything goes over his fucking head.
What a dick.
Gemstone? This is just beautiful.
The pageantry of it all.
It's all Judy's doing.
I'm just happy we were invited.
Unlike the wedding.
Isn't that the truth? I would have loved to go to Disney World.
But this is great.
I mean, not just the party, but what a fascinating ceremony.
I have never been to anything like that.
Well, the water's still warm.
You're welcome to be baptized next.
- No, no, no, no.
- No way.
We're secular people.
- Agnostic.
- Left of center progressive.
They're from Asheville, Daddy.
They hate God.
Well, God loves them, Judy.
Uh, well, maybe someday.
Not very likely.
So catch me, I'm falling, baby Hold onto my love Catch me, I'm falling What kind of baptism is this? I mean, she's acting like it's a wedding.
Yeah, of course she is.
She thinks this is gonna make up for not inviting Daddy to her real wedding.
Eli's gonna waste his money on this and not invest in a timeshare with the Lissons? Look at him over there, thinking he's some kind of sex man, doing whatever the hell he wants.
Making us lose our goddamn best friend couple.
Fuck him.
I'm gonna say something.
Catch me now, I'm falling Falling in love Hey! So where's your girls? What's that supposed to mean? It means you're too busy shaving pubes and dating cheap ladies to see the destruction you've wrought.
We told the Lissons no like you insisted.
It broke their fucking hearts.
So thank you for that.
Jesse [SIGHS.]
I don't give a shit.
Oh, my God.
Look at you, BJ.
All brand-new! Oh.
A real Christian.
A man worthy of respect.
I'm so proud of you.
All the obstacles you've overcome.
All the shit-talkers.
It's true.
Your family has been pretty terrible towards me.
I'm talking about your family.
My family hasn't been shit-talkers.
They've been very supportive.
Your mom won't stop going off about babies.
Ken backs her up.
KJ's been condescending as fuck, constantly talking about how many rooms are in my house.
BJ, she made a mockery of us.
And by all rights, you should have owned her in that moment.
We really don't have that kind of relationship.
We just like to laugh and stuff.
Look, I'm just trying to help you to not be caught off-guard when someone is trying to fuck you up and control you and talk shit on you.
Oh, okay.
Want to know what she did? She tried to throw your family's secular humanism into my daddy's face.
Hold on.
She did what? I wanted to kill her.
Okay, you know what? It doesn't matter, because you are a saved man.
And because of that, nothing can stop our rise.
And I just have to say, I'm so happy that you're not gonna burn in hell now.
Whoa, you thought I was gonna burn in hell all this time, Judy? That's really disturbing.
BJ, I'm saying something nice right now.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
This is an exciting day.
- Mm-hmm.
- Let's not ruin it.
The only ones who could ruin it are the ones who try to hold us back.
Like your family.
Nobody can hold us back.
Not when I'm wearing this.
Yeah, boy.
Yeah, shake that cake.
I'm thinking about doing one of them natural water births.
Oh, a very good option for some people.
Uh-uh, no, no, no.
None of that hippie primitive stuff for me.
I'm a wealthy man now.
My child's gonna be born with the benefits of modern technology.
Well, my mama didn't have none of that stuff when I was born.
Yeah, but you was a toilet baby.
- Oh, yeah.
- A who, what? A toilet baby.
See, Tiffany's mom was obese.
Went through her entire pregnancy without even knowing she was pregnant.
Ended up pushing this one out when she sat down to do her bathroom business.
Just, like [GROANS.]
Tiff just plopped down like a little old turd.
Right down in the bowl.
Big eyes, like this But it wasn't a turd.
It was me.
- That was you.
Would you look at that.
Take your baby by the hand And make her do a high handstand And take your baby by the heel And do the next thing that you feel We were so in phase In our dance hall days We were cool on craze [LAUGHING.]
Oh, my God.
What? Not sure why you're laughing.
Wait, this is not a joke? - You're serious? - It's a onesie.
Oh, it's darling.
He had one of those when he was a baby.
Mom, it's not a onesie.
It's a romper with a cummerbund.
Okay, a romper.
Ga-ga-goo-goo, little fellow.
- No, don't make him giggle.
- Stop.
Just stop.
Get her, BJ.
Burn her to the ground.
That attitude is part of what's held men back fashion-wise.
Okay? There's a whole world out there to explore.
It isn't just about separates.
You are something else.
He was very excited about his clothing.
So can I fool I'm a baby, baby boy Take me home, I'm a baby, baby boy Tuck me in, I'm a baby, baby, baby boy Fuck you! [SCREAMS.]
Oh, he pisses me off so much.
I think I hate him.
Oh, I think I might hate his ass too.
Daddy is such an a-hole.
- Dude is the worst.
- Mm-hmm.
I mean, he literally ruins everything.
Damn dope timeshare investments, budding friendships with pop stars, my fucking potential.
I wish I could fight that man.
Just destroy Daddy.
I know I could.
I could.
I'd make him look like a fool.
All old, stupid, and weak.
You should.
Somebody needs to.
I have wanted to do that so many times.
Pop him right in the fucking face.
See, your daddy now, he does not believe that a man can change.
But I know better, because I myself have changed.
I mean, look at me now.
Highly successful after years of financial hardship.
People can change.
And your daddy, he don't realize that.
Maybe you haven't heard that he's been out and about having little sex encounters.
What? Eli trying to fuck somebody? Multiple somebodies, probably.
Dude fancies himself a damn cocksmith these days.
Trying to make himself into a big character for the ladies.
Eli Gemstone? Is it time to go? Can't you see I'm sitting here talking to my nephews? Well, he wants Funyuns.
Will you get 'em for me, Baby Billy? I ain't even got my walking shoes on.
But it's my cravings.
All right, sweet angel.
Well, can I at least finish my mojito? [GIGGLES.]
Goddamn, y'all up here serving prime steak, all she wants is some fuckin' Funyuns.
Hi, Judy.
Don't "Hi, Judy" me.
'Cause I see you, KJ.
I know you're trying to plant shit in BJ's head when you're all, "Oh, we could have stayed at the mansion.
There's so many rooms at the mansion.
You're being serious right now? I just wanted to see your house.
I'm not trying to make fights.
That's not what I'm trying to do.
I just want to tell you that I know the score.
Siblings have to hate siblings' spouses.
My brothers hate BJ too.
Why do your brothers hate BJ? Duh, 'cause he took my ass off the market, bitch.
Jesse and Kelvin might be my brothers, but that don't mean they're not sitting up in their rooms at night thinking someday they might get to hook up with me.
Ew, Judy, that's disgusting.
I didn't say I was gonna do it.
Okay? I don't know how a man's mind works.
I would never want to hook up with BJ.
You're telling me you would not want to fuck your fine-ass brother? No.
I really wouldn't.
What if I got a big old gun and I put it right to your head and I said, "Ooh, KJ, I'm gonna kill you unless you get nude "right now in this living room and fuck your brother in front of me"? Then would you fuck him? I mean, if you were gonna kill me.
See? I knew it.
I knew it.
Don't be jealous, KJ.
Your brother is mine.
Stop fighting me for him.
Do you believe in heaven above Do you believe in love? Don't tell a lie, don't be false or untrue It all comes back to you Everyone gets one protein and one cheat dessert square.
Every day we've all been led astray It's hard to be lucky in love It gets in your eyes, it's making you cry So you're the man that raised BJ, huh? Oh, I can't take credit for that.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
Man, fuck you, Jesse.
Trying to own BJ's stepdad.
- You're so jelly.
- Oh, jelly? Of what? There's a new queen bee in town.
Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
I just spit facts, honey.
You see that woman over there with Daddy? That's a U.
This is mine and BJ's debut.
We're making the scene, son, and you can expect more to come.
Look, I'll admit your powers are growing, Judy.
But everybody in the church knows that your husband is a joke.
No offense, y'all.
But I know that this little boy is only getting baptized 'cause he thinks it's gonna make him fit in.
And why would anyone want to fit in to this train-wreck of a family? Oh, KJ, that's not very polite.
No, Mom, I have to say this is pretty much everything I thought it was gonna be.
BJ's making a huge mistake.
These people are trash.
- Trash? - What did you say, bitch? Let me handle this, lollipop.
You owe my family an apology, KJ.
They aren't you family.
We are.
Look at what they did to you.
This religion? These clothes? It's not you, BJ.
You're not a Gemstone.
I am a Gemstone! Send me an angel Send me an angel right now You! What the fuck was that? Are you okay, Daddy? I'm damn far from okay.
You kids are an embarrassment.
All of you! All of us? I didn't even do anything.
Yo! We need to talk.
I'm supposed to be on my way to the Judean desert.
You made me look like a fool in front of my men.
You make yourself look like a fool.
We found an entrance, but maybe now's not the best time? - Mm-mm.
- Beat it.
All of you, go! Don't you tell him what to do.
I'm his leader, not you.
I'm all these guys's leader.
Kelvin, I can no longer support this ridiculous idea.
It's not ridiculous.
You're ridiculous.
A sinful old man, tomcatting around with women of the night.
You're a false prophet.
What did you call me, Kelvin Gemstone? You heard me, wrinkles.
I am in no mood for your theatrics, son.
Now, it's time you packed up those yurts or whatever the hell you call them and move them off the compound.
Don't you say that.
You're mad 'cause I won't let you go to Israel? I'm not spending one cent for you and your muscle boys to frolic in the desert.
So we're not going to the desert? Yes, we are! Not on my dime, Jack.
- [YELLS.]
How does it feel to be on the receiving end, huh? About time somebody ah! [GRUNTING.]
Ahh! Ow.
Your mother's portrait.
- That could have killed me.
- I wish it would have.
- Ahh! - You say you're sorry.
- No! - Apologize now.
- Never! - Say you're sorry by the time I count to three.
- One - I'm not gonna say it.
I'm not sorry.
- Two - Sorry, not sorry.
- Three! - [ALL GASP.]
I knew you weren't gonna do it.
He ain't got the balls.
Niece, I need to go home.
My feet are swollen.
Well, then go home, dummy.
Baby Billy ain't come back with my Funyuns.
Where the hell is he? [SOMBER WHISTLING.]
- What a complete shit show.
It was such a piece of shit.
Yo, amigo, where's our ride? The host only made arrangements for Dr.
What? How the fuck are we supposed to get home? Uber? Nah.
- We're taking this one.
- Yeah.
Whoo, yeah - The hell was that? - I don't know.
I'm gonna have to pull over and check under the hood.
Coolant's drained.
I'll have to grab some more.
The hell you telling me for? Just go fucking do it.
- Idiot.
Oh, she tried to come for us.
And look how that turned out.
That was a disaster.
Once again, you and I are the only ones with our shit together.
Trying to expand the business while everybody else is in-fighting, looking like fools.
I had no idea Eli had so much brutality in him.
Oh, you didn't know he was like that? No, Daddy can be a straight-up monster.
Trust me, you do not want to get that dude in a corner.
Kelvin fucked around and found out.
You You and me, baby We belong together We were made for each other Brap-brap.
Wassup? [GUNFIRE.]
Ahh! Shit!
Previous EpisodeNext Episode