The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy (2024) s01e08 Episode Script

Apocalypse Got You Down?

1

[hissing]
[Larvin] I was born
on a peaceful planet
in a distant galaxy,
one unknown by this world.
We lived in harmony
with the planet's alien species.
It was a symbiotic
evolutionary masterpiece.
We had freedom from starvation,
and they had freedom
from anxiety.
It was the most beautiful
worms eating brains
I have ever seen
until UniYum.
[hissing]
The toxic waste had mutated us
beyond recognition.
The hunger overtook us.
It was horrific and delicious.
Aah!
[all screaming]
[screaming continues]
[Larvin] My mother did
what she could to save me,
to save our species.
[worm mom] Be strong, my child.
You're the last of your kind.
[Larvin] Every juicy,
yummy brain exploded.
All life was lost.
So I said to myself, "Glurg,"
I said,
"Go see Knife Tentacles 3."
And I did!
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Mm.
The bad news is he can't die.
We'll figure you out,
you little monster.
Ha, I guess the worm can die.
[male cries out]
Um
Oh, look. He's doing
that thing he does
when he's itchy.
- [roaring]
- [screaming]

Postpartum hibernation
looks exactly like death.
Larvin must have been
biologically pulled out of it
because his child was in danger.
Mothers love to intervene.
- Aah!
- What are you doing?
I'm moving on to phase two:
arm pull.
- I wish they weren't twitching.
- Ha!
[hisses]
Aah!
[grunts] Oh!
I quit. I'm going moon sailing.
In potential
future timeline 873B,
the worm amasses an army
of clones.
[all exclaim]
Negotiation got us nowhere
in the future timeline.
I told you it wouldn't work.
What if we hide Sleech and Klak
in another dimension?
The tendril futures
are the worst futures.
Enough! We survive this
in only .4% of scenarios.
In all of those, it's because
we don't interfere
with the timeline.
We let Sleech and Klak do
whatever it is they're gonna do.
So because it's Flim's sister,
now w-we just trust
future timeline tech?
No! I say we keep them locked up
and stop the worm.
Ponko, I know you don't like
future tech
because it says
your wife leaves you,
but that's not
future tech's fault.
It's bullshit science.
It's based on-on probabilities,
which change every millisecond.
- Well, your wife leaves you
- Stop talking about my wife!
[grunts]
Come on, you two.
Do we need to put you
in the holding facility?
I-I was just making
this big.
And I was just
making this small.
Oh!
[high-pitched voice] Oh,
someone's in here.
Oh, no, I got small voice.
It's decided, then.
We will release the prisoners.
- [hand dryer blowing]
- [high-pitched voice] The hand dryer is still huge!
[grunting]
Aah!
[grunts]
[panting]
Uh, should we let them know
they don't have to sneak away?
It's fun to let them think
they escaped on their own.
[Radha-900, Jr.] Well,
there they go.
[both exclaim]
[Radha-900, Jr.] Our last hope
for survival.
[roars]
[all screaming]
[hissing]
[male screams]
Here's an electro-orb
if you're cold.
And an ice blanket
if you're hot.
Here-Here's a bunch of stuff
for every scenario,
since I can't feel
what you need.
That's not a patient,
that's my daughter.
Dr. Plowp, my 30 children.
My 30 children, Dr. Plowp.
- Thirty hellos to you.
- [indistinct chatter]
All right, Team A, staples.
Team B, cell-regen.
The sitter cancelled
because of the apocalypse.
No, no, no, B'gorp!
Don't re-gen your sister.
That's way too many ears.
[roaring in distance]
[all exclaim]
Everyone, it's okay now.
We escaped and we're here
to save the day.
[all talking at once]
You are not welcome
at the Bognoth bunker.
The world is ending
because of us.
We need
Ooh, I don't want to say this.
- We need your help.
- Absolutely not. - No. What?!
- [loud rumbling]
- [all cry out]
- You know what?
- Yep, I'm on board. - Uh, sure.
All we need to do is
- kill the worm.
- Save the worm.
- What?!
- Our plan has always been to make the worm into medicine.
Do you think you've,
oh, I don't know,
ruined our entire plan by
putting the worm in your brain?
Uh, Doctors, what would you
like us to do?
We're gonna pursue two options.
- [loud boom]
- One is a humane trap
geared towards turning this worm
- into medicine.
- [booing]
And the other is a death weapon
that will turn it into dust
and sadness.
- [all cheer]
- [loud bang]

[grunts]
[grunts]
[drone] Alert! Alert! Alert!
The infant parasite has escaped.
Alert! Alert! Alert!
[chuckles]
- Hwah! Aah!
- Ah!
Come out, you coward!
Oh! Ah, ah, ah, oh!
Aha!
Did you know that Dr. Sleech
and Dr. Klak
were in possession
of the illegal worm?
No comment.
If you keep answering
with "no comment,"
we're gonna be here
for a very long time.
Ah, nothing like
an afternoon drive.
I'll take it from here, guards.
Of course you will.
[booing]
Two, four, six, eight,
UniYum has toxic waste.
So, here's what's gonna go down.
You're gonna get
that baby worm for me
without anyone else
looking at it too closely.
Before I worked near
their toxic waste dumps,
I only had one eye.
[gasps]
You are responsible
for the worm.
It was mutated.
By our UniYum toxic waste.
Right, right.
Took you long enough.
You'll never be able
to prove it.
Now, it seems that
we can help each other out.
If you get me the worm,
I'll get you a fleet
of UniYum lawyers.
I don't need you for that.
I have Nebula General.
You can't have their lawyers
if you no longer work there.
Have you even seen
what the worm can do, Krall?
Maybe you can help them
and turn this horrific accident
- into something great.
- Azel,
you can either work with me
and save your reputation,
or help your little girlfriend
and destroy it.
[protesters shouting
indistinctly]
Boo!
[grunts]
[Klak grunts, sighs]
[giggles]
[Azel] Klak.
- I'm here to help.
- [chuckles]
Ugh, I didn't think
this day could get worse.
[groaning]
I die with honor. Honor
[crying out angrily]
[roaring]
[groans]
[screeching]
You said there's nothing
Larvin won't kill, right?
Why not put the worm
in the worm? Boom! [laughs]
You're suggesting
we put the baby worm
inside the dad worm's head?
That's sick.
Oh, that's amazing,
you sociopath.
[growling]
- [both] Whoa!
- [worm screeches]
[roaring]
Sleech, please don't do this,
I'm begging you.
I have to.
- [Klak grunts]
- Oh. [pants]
[grunts]
[chattering indistinctly]
- Pull!
- [all straining]
[growling, straining]
[roaring]
Hyah!
Oh, yes, we did it!
- [worm roaring] - We're murderers.
- [chuckles] Yeah.
[Plowp screams]
[doctors cry out]
What?!
[shouting]
What the hell, Sleech?
Oh, here we go.
I bet you think this whole
situation is my fault.
- [crying out]
- [pained groans]
Oh, I know it's
your fault, okay?
I asked you not to kill him,
and you flat-out ignored me.
Hey, careful.
Don't touch the acid.
Yeah. It's acid.
[grunting]
This way. Ooh. [grunting]
Were you gonna ask my opinion
on which orifice to use?
Nope. To the butt.
[groaning]
[Larvin] Hello, my child.
Father?
[Larvin, Jr.] Where are we?
[Larvin] These are my thoughts,
and this is my memory.
I was born on a peaceful planet
in a distant galaxy.
We lived in harmony with
the planet's alien species,
until UniYum.
Plowp, anesthetize the worm
so we don't get spasms.
You're going to extract them
yourself?
What if you die?
Klak is in there.
- And Slee
- [Sleech, voice muffled] I bet
this is all because
you told Azel,
who, in your own words,
isn't even attentive in bed.
[Klak, voice muffled] They can't
all be
overattentive, like Plowp,
who you said gave you beak rash.
Beak rash. That's itchy.
[Larvin] There is no way
out of this, my love.
I am going to die.
- I'm so sorry.
- It is not your fault.
It is theirs.
Repopulate. Love.
And whatever you do,
live a life of revenge.
With my last moments,
I am going to make you as strong
as I possibly can.
[pained grunting]
We never should have let
Sleech and Klak go.
We're getting reports of
an extremely dangerous threat.
Bing'Zoik is going to spill
his drink.
I bet you're right,
but I got
a pretty firm grip
Bing'Zoik!
[screaming]
You're all just gonna stay here
doing teeth elongation
for rich people
while my hospital
gets torn apart?
While the world gets torn apart?
- Oh, yeah.
- I mean, why would we go outside? [laughs]
Dr. Jub, I quit.
[elevator] Would you like
a complimentary shampoo?
Oh
[all groaning]
[gasping]
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Oh, God.
You're not mad I put
the worm in my brain.
You're just mad
you didn't do it,
because you always have
to be the star.
Oh, please.
You act like you're so alone
and no one can understand you,
but I get invited
to every rumination party
your brain cooks up.
I love that you can go rogue
whenever you want.
But I do it once,
and I'm the problem.
Once?!
You do dumb things nonstop.
You injected plant DNA into me
for a med school assignment,
and-and Baggle Berries
grew out of my flesh.
I still find seeds, Klak.
I still find seeds.
[gasps]
[both cry out]
Why aren't you dying?
And why are you so dramatic?
[gasps]
Klak, this isn't stomach acid.
This is pure cortisol.
Excess cortisol.
He's gorged himself.
Like, beyond
what his body can digest.
It's actually hurting him. Why?
My guess would be
Some regressive
functional mutation
causing hyperinsulinemia.
So he can never feel full.
Is that why Larvin overeats?
And why he creates
manifestations
to sate his unending hunger.
He's not a problem,
he's a patient.
All this time,
we just needed to treat him.
[both laugh]
- I'm still pissed at you.
- Yeah, same.
[all grunting]
- You came back.
- And your hair looks great.
How could I leave?
Our sex closet is unparalleled.
[both] Whoa
[both chuckle]
- Sleech
- No!
I'm sorry I put the worm
in my brain.
I've spent my whole life
trying to fix myself.
Therapy, meds, murderous worm.
I finally realized that
I'm not going to get better.
That's bleak.
This is a good thing.
I'll manage it
for the rest of my life,
but I can finally
stop giving myself this
[grunts]
unattainable goal
of having a normal brain.
[sighs] Yeah.
Whoa!
[coughing]
Let's get out of this butt
and save this worm.

[shouting]
We're so close
No. The butt!
- Aah.
- [grunts]
[indistinct chatter]
[TV announcer] Galaxy-wide
apocalypse got you down?
Let Electric Fizz melt
your troubles,
and your esophagus.
He's dead.
I thought you were dead.
In spite of my best efforts,
I remain alive.
[roaring]
Whoa!
- [growling]
- [both cry out]
She inherited Larvin's mutation.
We can save her.
Stop! On order of the GHU.
Don't interfere, you all said.
Oh, oh, ho, ho.
Interfering would cause
the end of the world.
Well, ha, ha!
Aah. Someone call my wife.
[snarling, straining]
[panting]
Don't let them get away.
[panting]
Oh.
Give her to me.
That's right, throw it here.
You didn't come here
to help us at all, did you?
- I
- Got it. Go!
[panting]
[gasps]
[Azel grunts]
[panting]
[panting]
[panting loudly]
LJ just needs a little surgery.
We doing this?
I want you to have your glory.
And I want you
to have your treatment.
[both yelling]
[both whimpering]
We'll never get to the orb
with these tiny legs!
Aah!
[both groaning]
[panting]
[whooshing]
[grunting]
[panting]
[voices warbling, distorted]
[grunts]
[voice distorted, warbling]
Oh.
[sighs]
[panting]
[Sleech grunts, pants]
Dr. Sleech,
would you sedate the patient?
I thought you'd never ask.
- [warbling echoes]
- [whimpering]
- They're gonna die!
- Or they're gonna save the world.
But, yeah, they'll probably die.
[both whimper, groan]
[all groaning]
[panting]
Oh! [sighs]
[groans]
[whimpers]
[burps, coos]
Now it can coexist
in almost anyone
without consequence.
[warbling]
It was all worth it.
Well, some of it.
[gasps] Oh, no.
These are my last words.
Now these are.
- I hope they use
- Now these are.
a good picture
of us in the
- No, these are.
- textbooks after we
- Oh.
- die.
Oh, Sleech, there are
no good pictures of us.
- [whooshing]
- [both panting]
[groans]
[sighs]
[indistinct,
robotic chattering]
[indistinct muttering]
Mm.
- Ooh.
- Flim,
I feel like I just saw you old.
- Your calves were still perfect.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Were we time-traveling
for treatment?
With government permission
for once.
- Welcome home. Congratulations, doctors.
- [Klak gasps]
[Klak] Whoa.
[laughs]
You gave the world
a new anxiety treatment.
And whatever you did
made it compatible
with most carbon-based species.
It's incredible.
We tried it, Klak, but
the worm didn't work for you.
The Florks found scar tissue
on your brain
that made it impossible
for it to attach.
Scar tissue?
From ripping it out
on my mom's show.
It's okay. It won't work
on a lot of people.
It's just
another treatment option.
But it's a really good one.
To think,
those worms were almost extinct.
We're the heroes
of an entire species!
[Larvin, Jr.] Down with UniYum!
[all other worms] Down with
UniYum!
- [both laughing]
- I hate to say this,
but I'm glad to see you,
Nurse Tup.
Eh, I'm glad you're not dead.
Though it would
make my life easier.
Congratulations
on your monumental discovery.
- Thanks for saving LJ, Vlam.
- Mm.
Oh, look at you!
So cute out of a coma!
Oh. Oh, Dr. Azel,
come over here.
The hospital hasn't been
the same without you.
It's been well-run.
Uh, for reasons
both medical and legal,
you're under close observation.
I just wanted to let you know
you'll be working
under our newest surgeon,
Dr. Azel.
Congratulations to us
on Azel's being fired
from Nebula General
and having to slum it
by accepting our job offer.
They're working
at our hospital? Above us?!
It might soften the blow to know
you won't be going to prison.
And we got a plaque!
[Sleech] Dr. Klak and Dr
Slooch.
I'll have to legally
change my name so it matches!
- We won the grant!
- We won the grant!
In retrospect,
every choice we made was good.
As usual, I regret everything.
Crunch Screechies for lunch?
[Klak] Oh!
[editor] Listen up, folks.
We've got a lead
on Dr. Sleech and Dr. Klak,
two surgeons who are about
to be incredibly famous.
They broke a lot of laws
to make a massive discovery.
I'll take that profile.
No, you're too soft.
You'd do a puff piece.
We need someone who's going
to get to the bottom
of who they really are.
Why they think
they're above the GHU.
Ah, what the heck.
I'll do it.
[laughing] Oh,
you'll be perfect.
I'm gonna find out
everything about them.
Everything.
Space girls are
as cold as ice ♪
They'll kiss you once
and kiss you twice ♪
You'll shiver, shake
and then turn blue ♪
Next, you got
the space girl blues ♪
I want your mechanism ♪
Give me your mechanism ♪♪
Chirp.
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