The Sex Lives of College Girls (2021) s03e07 Episode Script

1
BELA: Sorry I'm late.
My liner took me three tries.
Bela, you're literally glowing!
(GASPS) Does this mean
what I think it does?
- You and Arvind finally had sex?
- Sadly, no.
The orgasmic glow
you are noticing is from
a foot-peeling mask that
I accidentally used on my face.
- Oh.
- It took off the top layer of my skin.
Wow. Am I wrong in assuming
this is the longest stretch
- you've gone without having sex?
- BELA: Sure is, but,
whatever. I have accepted
the reality for what it is.
I'll have sex
when I'm supposed to have sex.
I'll survive I think.
Hello, friends.
I brought you all some cupcakes
with my face on it.
But please be careful
'cause the photo is not edible.
Somebody got real sick.
Okay, but, um, why?
This is all a part
of my grassroots campaign
to get on Essex 50 Most List.
What's Essex's 50 Most List?
The campus magazine does
this big issue every year
where they rank the 50
hottest students on campus,
and then they write about them.
JAYLA: It is major social cred.
So I'm already campaigning.
So, remember, that's "Jayla" with a "Y,"
not to be confused with Ugly Jala.
Essex has a student organization
that ranks people by their looks,
and I'm just finding out about this now?
(SIGHS) Everyone is so thirsty
for that dumb list this time of year.
Half my teammates got blowouts
before last week's game.
They're all a week ahead of me?
It's so backwards and archaic.
The world needs to get better
at acknowledging
that some things are subjective.
Not everything needs to be ranked.
Aren't you obsessed
with the U.S. News and World
college rankings?
Not anymore,
since they totally fucked us.
Big deal,
Columbia has a nursing program.
Our student-to-faculty ratio
crushes theirs.
Okay, well,
I am so getting on this list.
Do you guys have a good place
where you can get a vampire facial?
- I don't know what that means.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Mm-mm.
- BELA: Ooh! I just got a text
from Arvind saying he hopes
I'm free tomorrow. Here we go!
Okay! This might be it!
And he wants me to volunteer
with him at an old folks' home.
It's official. I'm definitely
never having sex again.
Whitney, can I borrow
your Theragun later?
With that segue? No.
Vote for Jayla.
Put the "A" in slay. Slay.
I need a tagline.
I'm-a kick back
when you fake like that ♪
Once you let me go,
no, you never come back ♪
- That's crazy.
- Dude, I can't believe
you were just at soccer practice.
That fall the other day was so gnarly.
- I thought you were dead for a second.
- It wasn't that bad.
Did the team doc
give you anything? Pills? Shot?
No, no, they just, um,
told me to ice and rest.
- Whitney!
- Hey, Professor Milton.
Uh, Willow, this is, uh, my professor
who's running the fish lab.
The one I've been doing
the research with.
Ah, so you're the reason
Whitney smells weird
- on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
- I certainly am.
And that stink is the price
you have to pay
to find a cure for fin rot.
Now, has Whitney explained
fin rot to you?
WILLOW: No, but you don't
have to, either. I'm good.
Uh, Whitney, unfortunately,
I've got some bad news.
The university decided not to fund us.
- Seriously? What the heck.
- Mm-hmm.
I-I thought our prospectus was good.
- This is just how it goes in research.
- Hmm.
You know, no matter what good we can do,
- we're at the mercy of the dollar.
- Right.
Well, thank you for telling me.
Hey, don't let it get you down.
You know, just keep doing
what you're doing,
do your work, and eventually,
something will bite, and, uh,
let's hope that bite doesn't come
from the Amazonian candiru fish.
(BOTH LAUGHING LOUDLY)
- Because, because Do you know the fish?
- Because
- I'll explain. I'll explain it to her.
- Oh.
- That's really good.
- Thank you.
Thank you. I needed that.
- Yeah. It was nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
Man, when you caught my eye ♪
I was losing my mind ♪
Dreamed and when I woke ♪
Whoa. What's with the spreadsheet?
You know you don't have to do your taxes
until you're, like, 25, right?
Oh, that's not true.
It's not? Well, fuck.
This is an intricate grid
of all the in-person
and digital connections
I have with students
who work on Essex's 50 Most List.
It shows people who I've gotten to,
and people who I still need to,
you know, hunt down.
Wow. You really locked in
since learning about the list.
I have to! So many girls
are angling for this,
and as a new transfer student,
I have to work harder.
I will not be snubbed an award
by some rando who didn't know I existed.
This is how
I won Little Miss North Dakota,
and I've never even set foot
in a Dakota.
Well, um, I don't know
if this matters to you or not,
but whether or not you make that list,
we think you're beautiful.
Oh, that's so sweet.
Would you be willing to tweet that
from a few hundred fake accounts?
Okay, well, I'm off.
I'm officially ahead on all
of my homework and reading,
so I have a free day to myself!
Wow. What are you gonna do?
I'm gonna do the official
Essex campus tour.
Isn't that for, like,
high school students
- who don't go here yet?
- It is,
but I couldn't afford
to fly here when I applied.
But it's for the best,
because I have so many questions
about the benches.
Okay, well, have fun.
Ooh. When you walk by
the Essex View office, will you
talk really loudly about
how cute Kacey Lynn Baker is?
- Sure.
- Yay! Thank you.
♪
Go fish.
Aren't we playing checkers?
Yeah, we play whatever
they think we're playing.
Uh, Estelle,
- you win again.
- Ha!
- Suck it, Morris.
- BELA: Thanks for inviting me.
I did think having a date
in an old folks' home
would be weird, and it is,
but I'm loving
the unlimited pudding policy.
Of course. I find helping
the elderly so rewarding,
and only half of them are racist,
which is pretty good for people over 80.
- That is good.
- This is the girl
Arvind's been dating behind our back.
She's very pretty, but can she make
Ukrainian stuffed peppers?
You know, Arvind, women don't hit
their sexual prime until their 60s.
Uh, sorry about them, they're
a little protective of me.
No, it's okay, I love
a little friendly competition.
- ARVIND: Ooh.
- But back off, ladies, he's mine.
What did you say about my back?
Nothing. Your back is great.
No, it isn't.
Hey, I finally have a night off
from FAF duties tomorrow.
Wait, so do I. We haven't had
a night off together in so long.
We have to go out.
Out? Like, to a party?
Yeah, that could be fun.
Admittedly, ever since I became
a FAF, I don't really party.
Wait, so you haven't
been to a party all year?
Calendar year or school year?
I don't know why I asked
that. Either way, the answer is no.
Okay, then, it's settled,
tomorrow I'm taking you out.
Get ready to see Bela Malhotra
tear up the campus.
Ooh, okay, let's do it.
Let's get turned.
- It's "turnt."
- Turnt. Right.
I think it's so sweet
you both came to this country
and found love.
Wow, you know,
she's not even the racist one.
Bingo!
♪
KIMBERLY: So, what do
you think of Essex so far?
If I were you, I'd apply early.
It's actually my safety school.
I'm hoping to get into Columbia.
Columbia?
Okay, well, have fun at the Ivy
with the lowest
student satisfaction rate
according to multiple Reddit posts.
BRIAN: Hello, prospective students
and prospective parents and Kimberly?
Brian? You're our tour guide?
Yeah. Uh, Kimberly is a fellow student
from one of my classes
- who, I guess, is, uh, taking the tour.
- Mm-hmm.
Weird.
No, that's not weird.
I guess you could say
I'm not just a student at Essex,
I'm also a student of Essex.
Wow, that is going into
a brochure, if I have any pull.
Um, so, do you have
any special requests?
Okay, I would never want
to back-seat tour-guide,
but I do have some questions
about the lattice work
in the Divinity Solarium.
And also, I heard that the original desk
that John Essex used
was converted into a bookcase?
- I would love to see that.
- COLIN: I'd like to see the Sbarro
- in the student center.
- Uh, yeah, okay.
Though, unfortunately,
we lost our licensing deal,
and it is now called a Sbumo.
Okay, potential Foxes,
let's get this tour started.
First up, our library,
which was originally
Vermont's first high-security prison.
I fucking knew it.
Keep these details coming,
Brian, I am living.
♪
Goodbye, Doug. I will always remember
the time I accidentally touched you
and got pink eye the next day.
Step away from the tank.
We got the funding!
No way. Really? That's unbelievable.
It is a miracle, although, as a
scientist, I do not believe in those.
Well, now we can finally get
that self-cleaning
filtration system and nobody
has to be on algae duty.
Exactly. Although, I do find
scraping the tank to be calming.
Wait, so, who is this mysterious donor?
Some telecom billionaire's venture firm
called Beaconvest Capital.
Really? Oh, God.
What? Did they do something bad?
Is this, like, dirty opioid money?
Actually, don't tell me,
I-I really need this.
Uh, no, uh
it's just, that's my boyfriend's
dad's company.
It is? Oh, finally,
a student with connections.
Hey, if you'd be willing
to introduce us,
I have a few proposals
I want to run by him.
I have this idea for
a restaurant that is awesome.
(CHUCKLES) All right,
boys, tonight, we celebrate.
Double flakes for everyone.
Oop, sorry, Shelly.
Shouldn't have said "boys."
I came here ready
for a good time ♪
I think if you, like,
went into that situation
- CHLOE: Excuse me.
- Heads up, the frats are doing hell week,
so everybody be
on the lookout for pranks.
And by pranks, I do mean people pooping
- in the laundry dryers.
- That can't be real.
MAN (DISTANT): What the hell
is wrong with people?
Taylor, you changed your hair.
And now I know why the shower's pink.
It's great you're here,
actually, 'cause we were just
discussing the letter
you slipped under our door.
My letter? What letter?
The one suggesting that we all attend
the queer rodeo
fundraising party tonight
regardless of our sexualities
because "allyship starts with action"?
BELA: Yes
Right. I wrote this.
Of course you did.
It's signed "from Bela"
and you misspelled
the word "environment."
Classic Bela.
- Classic.
- (LAUGHTER)
Hey, Taylor, can I talk to you
outside for a second?
- What the hell is going on?
- I figured out how to get with Chloe.
Chloe your roommate?
Who you told me is straight?
She says she's straight.
My gaydar for her is going off
like you at a Men's Warehouse
clearance sale.
BELA: People like my neckties.
I think if I can get Chloe
to a big queer party,
she might feel comfortable
enough coming out to me.
So you lied and made it sound like
I'm forcing them to attend
and that I can't spell
a simple, three-syllable word.
Four, babe.
En-vi-ro
damn it.
(SIGHS) Fine, I won't blow up your plan.
- Thank you.
- But just know that I will be attending
this party as well, not because
of anything that happened here,
but because a queer rodeo
sounds really fun.
Please don't go to it.
It's too late. It's already happening.
See you there, Taylor.
♪
Mmm.
This panini is literally
rocking my world.
You want a bite?
- (PHONE CHIMES)
- Who invented the panini?
AUTOMATED VOICE: The exact
origin of the panini is unknown.
Well, ain't that some shit?
KACEY: (GASPS) Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- What? What?
KACEY: That guy's dropping off
the magazines with the 50 Most List.
- Oh, my God! I'm coming.
- Excuse me.
Look out. Tall and tiny coming through.
No. No, no, no. Come on.
A 10% off coupon for Sips?
When did I approve that?
Who are these people?
Uggo, legacy, nepo
Damn, you judge fast.
47, 48, 49
(GASPS) There's only one page left.
Oh, fuck.
Well, maybe it's you.
(EXHALES)
(GASPS) Calvin?!
Isn't that the guy who cheated on you?
Damn, he's got a thicker neck
than I remember.
What? I can hate the guy
and not hate his hot neck.
♪
Wow, Brian, you were
such a good tour guide.
I don't care what those stupid
high school kids said.
Wait, what did they say?
Oh, uh, nothing. They loved it.
And, um, they loved the length
of your khaki pants.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Well, you were a lot more fun
than my normal audience.
But there's one spot I never
get to include in the tour,
and I knew I had to show you.
Oh, my God. What is?
The anticipation is killing me.
BRIAN: Most people don't
find this interesting, but
this line of stones was
the original property line
of Essex college.
Oh, my God.
So are you saying that if it were 1680,
I wouldn't even be standing
on Essex property right now?
- That's right.
- (GASPS)
You would be standing
on contested Dutch territory.
Brian, I am losing my shit right now!
It's insane that they make you
take this out of the tour.
- Everyone deserves to know this.
- Right?
Some of us like
that it's more of a secret.
KIMBERLY: Whoa, Professor Friedman.
What are you doing here?
Well, I was having a quiet lunch
alone with my thoughts.
Wait, you two aren't on some
weird little date, are you?
- Oh, not at all. No.
- Oh, of course not.
I don't like when my students date.
The last two that did
became rival judges
and a man was executed.
He did bomb a building,
but that trial was messy.
Oh. Well, no need to worry.
Uh, we're just friends.
Yeah, less than friends.
Just acquaintances, even.
- Respectfully.
- Respectfully.
- Well, I should go.
- BRIAN: Yeah.
Uh, but I'll see you guys
in the symposium. (CHUCKLES)
Oh.
Just, uh
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
Now I can go.
♪
Hey. Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah, what's up, Whitney?
Not you, Terry.
Okay. I'll step to the side, but
I'll be listening.
- What's up?
- Did you get your dad to fund my lab?
I did. When you told me about your lab
losing funding, I reached out to him.
He loves funding science and innovation.
He was an angel investor in the Snuggie
and, uh, that's
what got us our Paris home.
Wow. Okay.
Well, I know you were trying to be nice,
but I mean, $200,000 is a lot of money.
You gave your girlfriend $200,000?
What? I said I'd be listening.
What? Did I do something wrong?
You seem mad at me.
Well, I just wish
you would've told me first.
Look, I don't want to feel
like I owe you anything.
The whole thing
just makes me feel weird.
You think you feel weird?
I just found out he gave you $200,000.
Yet he still owes me
ten bucks for wings.
Make it make sense.
Terry, my Venmo notifications
are turned off.
- Well, consider yourself notified.
- (GROANING): Oh, my
Look, if I want to do something
nice for you, that's on me.
Money is money.
You don't owe me anything.
So it shouldn't matter
where it came from.
Yeah, well, it matters to me.
(SCOFFS) Same. Same.
I don't pay them no mind ♪
If loving you is wrong ♪
I don't want to be right ♪
- Cheers!
- Great night!
Say that we ain't
welcome there ♪
We'll just fly to California ♪
Put some flowers in my hair ♪
They can say
what they want to say ♪
Guys, I need this party tonight.
I'm so annoyed at Isaiah,
which is why I'm excited
to drink until I forget
- about why I'm annoyed at him.
- Yeah!
Who needs men
when you've got good music,
great vibes and the best gals.
And me, Arvind!
Who wants another shot?
It's so fun that you're here, Arvind.
We never have guests at our pregame.
Oh, that's because we're giving him
the full party experience.
Keg stands, sweaty dancing,
and not realizing how drunk you
are until you sit down to pee.
Can I get a yeehaw?
- Yeehaw!
- Yeehaw!
Yippie-ki-yi-yay who fucking cares.
(TURNS MUSIC OFF)
Um, girl, are you good?
No. No, I'm hideous.
I'm not one of the top 50 hottest people
on this campus, and Calvin is.
Which basically means
I'm human dumpster water, and worse
I lost my breakup.
Kacey, please stop. You're beautiful.
And Calvin being on that list
should confirm how dumb it is.
Yeah, he looks like a thumb
and his mouth is a knuckle.
Yeah, his lips are
the same color as his face.
And worst of all?
He's ugly on the inside.
No, no. Continue making fun
of his outside looks.
I'll say it. He's got date rape vibes.
- Oh, my God.
- What?
- What?
- Too far!
What? He does.
I hate that this man broke your heart,
and you should know your scars are
- what make you most beautiful.
- Too much, Arvind.
Sorry. I'm still learning
how to pregame.
Kacey, come to the party with us.
It'll make you feel better.
Oh, I'm going.
I may be ugly, but that
doesn't mean I don't exist.
So, again, you are not
And if I don't go out, then they win.
And I refuse to let them win.
Wait for me, I'm gonna go
put my extensions in.
You don't need to extend anything.
Everything about you is
the perfect length!
(DOOR SLAMS)
Do not let her put Taylor Swift on,
she will get lost in the song
and never come out.
Go, go, go. (SNAPS FINGERS)
Girl ♪
You my lil' boo thang ♪
So I don't give a hoot
what your dude say, girl ♪
I know you a lil' too tame ♪
I'll be shooting that shot
like 2K, girl ♪
I know, tell them I'm,
tell them I'm next ♪
- BELA: Am I off?
- This is impossible.
When do we clap?
Tell them you found a lil'
something fresh, I know ♪
How are you doing this so well?
Oh, it's easy. Ready?
It's tap, tap, shuffle, and hop.
I think I got the hop part,
but not the other stuff.
In my town, you had to take
a line dancing class
to graduate high school.
Why don't they just play
one of those songs where
the lyrics are instructions?
Okay, now cowboy up.
Yeah, but what does that mean? Ow!
I give up. Let's get out
of the stomp zone.
- Absolutely.
- Please.
To the back, to the front ♪
You a ten, baby girl ♪
You guys looked like shit out there.
Oh, I'm not judging. I'm also very bad.
I'm Lewis, by the way, nice to meet you.
- Hey, cool party.
- Oh, you think
just because I'm gay it's my party?
Just kidding! It is.
I planned the whole thing.
(CHUCKLES) She's cute, right?
Yeah, what's the bucket for?
Oh, we're collecting donations
for our friend's top surgery.
Boob-voyage, baby.
Hell, yeah. I'll donate to that.
It's an honor to be a part
of someone's gender journey.
Howdy, my hotties! Howdy.
Ooh. Let me put something in the pot.
Oh, I know you have
more money than that.
Let me know if you need any help
searching those pockets.
Oh, Canaan, this is Lewis.
He's the one that got fired
from Sips before you got hired.
Lila and I were a disaster together.
Oh, I've missed you, you little slut.
Lila, where's your Instacart hottie?
Oh, sadly,
Gabe and I have drifted apart.
But someday, on a dark and lonely night
when I realize I need
some household products,
perhaps we shall reunite.
Until then, who is down to hoedown?
I am.
Oh, yes, my long-backed angel.
Let's get that flat ass
on the dance floor, shall we?
- ARVIN: Oh, yeah.
- Nothing long-backed.
(LAUGHS) Come on!
Whoa-oh, whoa ♪
You're lovely cold
and I swear ♪
Damn, Lila, those are
some impressive dance moves.
Oh, these aren't dance moves,
they are select body movements
meant to catch the eye of
the hot-ass cowboy over there.
And it
worked. Bye, bitches.
This is so much more fun
than Catan night with the boys.
Bela, thank you so much for bringing me.
Aw, look at us.
No first-years to take care of.
Is a student triggered by
an incident with their roommate?
Bela doesn't care. She's off tonight.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, is a student homesick?
Arvind doesn't care.
Well, he does care, he loves people
and he really wants them to be happy,
but he's off tonight.
(LAUGHS)
I'm gonna go get us
another drink. M'lady.
Seems like Arvind's having fun.
Yeah. I feel like I'm getting
to know a whole new side of him.
Look at him swirl in that ice.
And he's, like, totally been
all over me.
I think tonight might be
the night we finally have sex.
(CHUCKLES) I doubt it, babe.
That boy is drunk.
I think I overestimated his tolerance.
(WHOOPS)
I got to sober him up.
Does anyone have any rice?
Or, uh, pieces of bread
like you might feed to a duck?
("GOOD TIME" BY JODIE HARSH PLAYING)
I'm here for a good time ♪
Not a long time ♪
TAYLOR: Chloe!
You made it.
Of course. Anything for a good cause.
And isn't it so great
we can be in a place where
we can truly be ourselves?
In the dining hall?
Yeah.
Sure.
I love your outfit, by the way.
Thank you. It's my take on Western wear,
based on one ten-second Google search.
It's hot. I'm gonna get a drink.
Okay.
You're gay for straight.
Excuse me?
You're gaming on a straight girl.
I've meticulously
catalogued all the gay women
on this campus and that girl
is not in my binder.
- Who is she?
- My roommate.
And what makes you so sure
she's straight?
Her nails.
Girl's got a stiletto manicure.
These are the hands
of a hardworking lesbian.
Okay. But when we're alone,
she's always playing with my hair
- and touching my leg and I just
- And that means nothing.
A straight girl will
flirt with you one minute,
and make out with your brother
at his laser tag
birthday party the next.
Worst day of my life.
I'm pretty sure that won't happen to me.
And I know I'm right about Chloe.
You're gonna regret not
listening to your queer elders.
You're two years older than me.
I got a taste
for individuality ♪
- I have to come clean about something.
- Mm-hmm.
I don't know what cold foam means
and whenever someone orders it,
I just give them whipped cream.
Kimberly, no Sips talk.
- Respect my work-life balance.
- Okay.
Brian!
Oh. Kimberly, h-hi.
Lila, this is Brian.
He's the guy from my symposium
who I spent the whole day with.
Oh, yes! The Essex tour.
What a cool and normal way
for people our age
to spend an afternoon.
Oh. Um I meant to tell you.
The book on gerrymandering that
Professor Friedman mentioned
is back in circulation tomorrow.
Yeah, I got the notification, too.
Oh! Okay, well, I guess it's gonna be
a race to the library,
and we'll see who wins.
Well, this was weird to watch.
Like two prime numbers
having a meet-cute.
See you later, Kimberly and Himberly.
KIMBERLY: Himberly?
Wait, is she making fun of us
because we have a lot
in common or something?
BOTH: That's silly.
Come on,
make me feel alive ♪
You still linger in my bed ♪
Your whispers in my head ♪
You're really holding your own
on the dance floor.
Yeah, well, thanks to a mother-son dance
I didn't want to do
at my parents' vow renewal,
I can do this.
Whoa. (GASPS)
I want to know ♪
You dipped and kissed your mom?
What? No, not the kiss part.
Okay, good.
God, you look so damn beautiful tonight.
Aww.
Tell me, how the hell
did we end up here? ♪
Not beautiful enough to be on that list.
Hey, will you let that go?
When I tell you you're beautiful,
I want you to believe it.
I don't want you to put yourself down.
Hey. That list doesn't matter.
You wouldn't understand.
You're a boy who probably
got praised for being tall
and athletic and-and smart.
But you know what made my parents smile?
When people at the grocery store
would stop to tell them
how pretty I was.
Because girls don't get
the same treatment as boys.
The world tells us,
very loud and very clear,
that our looks do matter,
and, yeah, maybe
I don't want that
to be the case, because
the amount of effort
that I have to put into it
is absolutely exhausting,
Okay. I'm sorry.
In my head ♪
And it makes me want to go ♪
Back to sleep ♪
- Can we just go?
- Yeah.
Still belong to you ♪
(CHEERING)
Dive into my dreams ♪
Back to my dreams ♪
Boys, girls, gays and theys, listen up.
Thank you all so much
for coming out tonight
to support queer students at Essex
and the issues
that are important to them.
- (CHEERING)
- TOVA: Thanks to your donations,
we've been able to gather enough money
to help our president Sam
get top surgery.
(CHEERING)
All right, enough talking.
How about a little live music?
(CHEERING)
Oh ♪
All I want is somebody
who wants me ♪
Come on and take me home ♪
Oh ♪
If you want me,
then show me you love me ♪
Come on and take me home ♪
Tell me you love me,
just tell me you love me ♪
Tell me you love me ♪
Come on and take me home ♪
Tell me you love me ♪
Just tell me you love me ♪
Tell me you love me ♪
Mmm.
This is good. What do you call this?
- It's ice water. Finish it.
- Oh.
This is sick. I love this stuff.
I'm so inspired by all the queer
bravery on display today.
Hey, love is love and I love you all!
Maybe we should go outside
and get you some fresh air.
What? No, it's a party.
I'm an ally. As a matter
of fact, I think I should make
- a speech for everyone.
- No, Arvind, I don't think
- I should give, like, a little speech.
- that's a good idea.
Well, we'll let them
be the judge of that
- (THUMPS)
- (SHOUTS)
(GRUNTS)
You saved me from my fall.
I didn't. At all.
Hey, Bela, I was thinking
we should go back to your place
and sex.
I do want that,
but I think we should wait until
you're a little more present.
Oh, I'm all present. Unwrap me, Santa.
- (LAUGHS) Okay.
- Okay.
- We're getting up? Okay.
- Yes, we are. Okay.
Maybe instead of sex we get you
some Gatorade and nachos?
- Okay, that sounds good, too.
- It does sound good, doesn't it?
Tell me you love me ♪
Just tell me you love me ♪
Tell me you love me ♪
CANAAN: Looking at your phone at a party
because you're stressed,
or you're just trying to act cool?
No, it's not that. Um
Isaiah and I got
into a fight before this.
- What happened?
- He got his rich dad
to fund my research project.
And I know I should be happy,
because it lets me
keep going and I've put
so much work into this,
but I don't know,
I just hate feeling like I owe him.
I get you. I've felt that same thing.
Sometimes I'm at
these scholarship dinners,
and I feel like I'm supposed
to be smiling and groveling
and laughing at their
weird jokes about tax evasion.
(LAUGHS)
But I didn't make them donate anything.
You know, what they do with
their money is on them, not me.
That's sort of exactly what Isaiah said,
but it makes more sense coming from you?
Most things do.
Um, my homie just pulled up.
But congratulations on your funding.
- Thank you.
- You take that money and you
build a rocket, I don't know,
I-I don't
- Wow. Okay.
- understand what you do.
(LAUGHS)
Go ahead,
you can give it to me ♪
I won't ask for much ♪
Just all your love ♪
Go ahead ♪
You can give it to me ♪
Hung up on your touch ♪
If I'm the one you want ♪
Go ahead ♪
You can give it to me, oh ♪
All I want is somebody
who wants me ♪
Come on and take me home ♪
Oh ♪
If you want me,
then show me ♪
I'm-I'm sorry.
- Oh. No.
- I'm not
- No, it's-it's, uh
- Uh
I'm-I'm so sorry if I gave you
the wrong impression.
(EXHALES) Uh
I-I hope this doesn't
make things awkward
between us as roommates.
Totally, i-it
Of course. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
Would you excuse me?
(CHEERING)
Ooh, you okay?
I just need a moment.
(PANTING)
MAN: Happy Pride, losers!
- Gay!
- Gay!
Hell week!
- Fucking assholes! What
- Hey!
- ASH: Hey, fuck you!
- MAN: Let's go. Go, go!
Suck my gay dick!
TAYLOR: Did you just throw a muffin?
I did. It was all I had.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Thanks.
Why do you look so familiar?
We met at-at speed dating.
Yeah, you gave me your number
and-and then you never texted me back.
Right.
And you've totally forgiven me.
That's so big of you.
Well, it helps to be hot.
(LAUGHS) Yeah. That is true.
I've never forgiven an ugly person.
Could I walk you home?
I would like that, actually.
And sorry for not texting you back.
I got distracted by something
that was not worth my time.
Well, uh, let's hope that I am.
Let's actually get going, though,
because I worry, with the egg on you,
that the raccoons are gonna find us.
Well, you'll protect me, no?
(ASH LAUGHS)
♪
(GASPS) Cooper,
I don't have any makeup on.
I told you, no unannounced
visits or pre-bed FaceTimes.
You look cute, all right?
I like your crazy morning hair.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Oh. What are you doing here?
I just came by to tell you
that a student
got removed from Essex's 50 Most List
over some questionable tweets about
that were deeply misogynistic.
Tweets that somebody
stayed up all night finding
and sending to their friend
that works on the magazine.
- You didn't.
- I did.
I did, and I got to recommend
a replacement.
Kacey Lynne Baker,
in my mind, you always were,
but you are now officially
one of Essex's
50 Hottest Students.
- (SCREAMS)
- (LAUGHS)
Yeah, oh, and they want a picture,
- like, now, so
- Oh No!
- I'm not camera-ready.
- (CHUCKLES)
- I'm joking, okay? Go get ready.
- (LAUGHS)
Oh, wait.
- Thank you. (SQUEALS)
- Oh. Yeah.
(LAUGHS) Yes! Ha!
(DOOR SLAMS)
I wonder how it feels ♪
To really sleep at night ♪
Instead I ask him
all these questions ♪
If I could look you
in the eyes ♪
Would I even say ♪
- You doing all right?
- Yeah.
I regret nothing.
Thanks for an amazing night.
In my mind ♪
You are the one that I see ♪
Can't shake these ♪
COOPER: Find a pic you like?
Yep. (LAUGHS SOFTLY)
On repeat ♪
I already lost you once ♪
Can't lose you now ♪
I wonder what it's like ♪
To really lose your mind ♪
Instead of feeling
all this pressure ♪
Am I the only one ♪
Still putting up a fight ♪
Trying to put us
back together ♪
You are the one ♪
That I see ♪
Can't shake
these permanent memories ♪
- On repeat ♪
- (KNOCKS ON DOOR)
I already lost you once ♪
Can't lose you now ♪