The Shield s01e01 Episode Script

Pilot

Read the prepared statement and ask for questions.
And expect Hanrady to ask about the Wilky Gardens bust.
- Deflect, but don't deny.
- Right.
You got your notes? Don't need them.
Thanks for making the trip, fellas.
Now here's Captain David Aceveda.
Thank you, Wanda.
The Farmington District of Los Angeles which I've been commanding for the last four months, has traditionally been one of the most crime-ridden areas of the city.
Some reporters have gone so far as to label Farmington a war zone.
Oh, shit.
Go.
Go.
I'm proud to announce that murders, rapes, armed robberies and other violent crimes have decreased in this district in the last 6 months.
Under my direction, officers now participate in neighborhood outreach programs.
The effect is being felt by local families.
Mothers feel safer as they shop for groceries.
Too late, G-man.
With the continued support of community leaders and citizens we can make the Farmington District a safer home for all of us.
Mother - That's for running, asshole.
- Shit.
Get up.
What the hell, man? Hey, look at that, Booty.
Looks like you got some kind of third nad growing down there.
- Let me get that for you.
- No way.
Shit! Shit! - I got an evidence bag here, boss.
- No, it's okay.
I got it.
All right.
Come on, come on.
Any questions? Christ, you do not see a pair like that every day.
- It's called rigor.
- Rigor or no rigor, that's quite a rack.
You wanna give them a squeeze? How much time we got before the ME shows up? Victim's sister's outside.
Wants to know what happened.
Dutch is in charge of all potential criers.
- Thanks.
You the first one here? - Yeah, me and Julien got the call.
Last few weeks, dead bodies seem to follow you around.
Yeah, I'm a real fun-time gal.
Any notions on this one? Nature of the wounds, we're looking at an inexperienced underachiever.
Covering up the genitals says he was ashamed.
Family member, boyfriend.
He's gonna break easy.
- No.
Let me go! Goddamn it! Get off - Miss! Miss, I need you to calm down.
- Who are you? - Detective Wagenbach.
- Is she dead? - There's a woman inside.
- We haven't determined her identity.
- This is my sister's place.
Like I said, we don't know who she is yet.
Long blond hair, pretty.
That sounds like her.
I'm sorry.
Ma'am.
Ma'am? - She's blowing him.
- Check it out.
- Where's Jenny? - Jenny? Nancy's little girl.
Where is she? Come with me.
Guess what's missing.
- Oh, shit, son.
- I know.
It just got interesting.
Hey, sarge.
Thanks.
I gotta hit the head.
I'll see you in the clubhouse.
- Hey.
- Hey, doll.
Just in time.
I've got some reporters.
You feel like talking? - No.
- You sure? Gilroy and the chief are gonna push this story.
- Your team deserves a lot of credit.
- Yeah.
Let the poster boy do his thing.
Talk to you.
- The john's still not working? - The plumber must have got lost.
The city wants to thank us for a job well done.
How about making sure we don't all have to cram into the same damn stall? - Yeah! - Amen, brother.
- Vic, can I see you? - Give me a sec.
- I need you now.
- I'm taking a piss provided a spot in the ladies' room opens up.
I got my fingers crossed.
Now.
Aye, aye, captain.
- Right.
- Get off me, man.
Have fun in here, bro.
- You remember Miguel Esteana.
- Sure.
Miguel's a piece-of-shit drug dealer with the 25th Street Coronas.
This is the kind of attitude you foster under your command? - Mr.
Esteana's attorney, Jose Garcia.
- I know Jose.
He represents piece-of-shit drug dealers.
What I do is ensure my client's rights aren't violated by thugs like you.
Mr.
Esteana claims you used excessive force during his arrest.
Really? Is that what you claim, Miguel? That is some hickey.
Boyfriend give you that? No, I say you did it with some pliers.
I don't recall any pliers.
I do remember the eight dime bags of H we nabbed you with.
The search we'll be contesting with Judge McAllister.
I'm sorry.
I'm drawing a blank on this whole pliers thing.
Feel free to ask my guys, but I don't think they'll remember it.
- You're a disgrace.
- That's funny.
I don't recall signing up for ethics class from a scumbag drug lawyer.
Is that all, or can I go take that piss? - So Miguel is lying? - Anything to stay out of jail.
- Fourth complaint since I came here.
- Lucky for me you don't believe them.
Keep smiling for the cameras.
See what you can do about getting the men's john fixed.
I stopped listening to you five minutes ago.
I'm saying our unsub's disorganized, a record, not a history of violence.
- Unsub? - Unidentified subject.
- You mean the killer? - Yeah.
Then just say that.
Christ.
- Think Danny would go out with me? - Danny? This study says over 40 percent of female law enforcement meet their spouses on the job.
You wanna date again, fine but why chase after a unit cop in our own station? That's just lazy, son.
Out of uniform, I bet she's a knockout.
Sign up for dance classes, take out an ad, join a book club.
For God's sake, show some imagination.
- No wonder your wife left you.
- Hey, hey.
Lucy had intimacy issues unrelated to me.
Right.
Unrelated to you.
Buzzer, sarge.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you're such an expert, how come both your husbands left you? It sure as hell wasn't for a lack of imagination.
- You got a missing kid? - Jenny Reborg, 8 years old.
- Found her mother stabbed to death.
- Any leads? - We're following some things up.
- What have you got so far? The father's a crackhead.
Personal nature of the crime his daughter missing, he's gonna be our guy.
A neighbor saw Ponyboy Harris banging on the dead lady's door.
- Who's Ponyboy Harris? - A local fence.
A bit of a fancy.
Collared him three or four times, personally.
If you guys need anything run down, just ask.
I wanna help.
Thanks, captain.
Since when does he get his hands dirty? Can't blame a guy for trying.
- Danny, hey.
- Hey.
How's the coffee? Usual police issue? - Pretty much.
- Now there's a shock, huh? Hey, listen, I don't know what your plans are like Hey, lookie here, Shane, it's the lady-killer! What's this I'm hearing about some dead girl's sister blowing you at the crime scene? - Dutchman, going to town.
- You guys are sick.
Us? Hey, you're the one getting your pipe smoked by a grieving relative not 1 0 feet from the body.
She was upset.
I was comforting her.
You don't have to tell me about the different stages of grief.
There's denial, anger, sucking you off.
"If you can think of anything else, call - Hey, excuse me.
- Detective Blow Me.
Dutch, what? Come on, don't be so sensitive.
- That was real classy.
- Oh, come on Dutchboy thinks he's a notch above us.
- I'm just bringing him back to earth.
- That's big of you.
Hey, I gotta go run an errand but I was thinking you and I should hook up for a drink.
- Oh, yeah, is your wife coming? - Damn, she can't make it.
Damn, neither can I.
Hey, since when did you get morals? Always had them.
Sometimes I just lose track.
Really? How's about you lose track of them tonight? Yeah, I don't think so.
Hey, you want me to back off? All you gotta do is tell me it wasn't great.
You ready? Yeah.
Back to the Barn.
- Who was that? - A guy I know.
I went through the books.
The guy I saw Mackey talking to is a dealer Named Rondell Robinson.
Right.
You're suggesting Mackey's working for a drug dealer? - The drug dealer's working for Mackey.
- What? Robinson's main competition is a guy named Two-Time.
Mackey's been taking out his dealers, giving Robinson a monopoly.
A monopoly means profits go up for Robinson street violence goes down for Mackey.
And I want you to help me prove it.
Okay.
Who's he? Moses Hernandez.
We went to SC together.
- He's in Justice.
Moses, this is Terry.
- It's good to meet you.
I didn't agree to be the witness in a federal case.
The friends Mackey has, federal's the only way we'll nail him.
I go outside the department and rat out a cop my life's not worth crap in L.
A.
He's right.
- It's too dangerous.
He can't pull it off.
- I didn't say I couldn't pull it off.
I know.
I meant you'd need some assurances of an upside to all this.
Such as? Such as a guarantee of a job in Justice when it's all over.
You think I wanna be an errand boy in some Alaskan outpost? You pick the city, then.
Okay.
Try the home office in D.
C.
And I'm gonna need moving expenses.
- Sure.
- Plus a car and a nice, big fruit basket.
I'm giving up my life, give me something back.
- I can make it happen.
- No offense l'd like it in writing today.
- Let's be clear here, Terry.
We're talking about making a case that puts Mackey behind bars for a long time.
Because if we only wound him, his friends upstairs will crush both of us.
- Yeah, I know what I have to do.
- Good.
I know what I'm getting out of this.
What are you getting out of this? I just want a dirty cop off the street.
You wanna be mayor someday you better learn how to lie a hell of a lot better than that.
Ponyboy.
Goddamn! Claudette, look what you made me do.
What is all this stuff? That's just a big bunch of VCRs I stole from Circuit City.
I don't know anything about that girl, all right? Be real.
You know me.
What were you doing at Nancy Reborg's house? - I was looking for her old man, Lonnie.
- Lonnie's not living there anymore.
- I know that.
- You ever find Lonnie? You know Bunny Jenkins? Said he was using at this crackhouse run by a guy named Monty.
I was gonna head there after I unloaded the VCRs which is when you showed up.
- Okay.
Good.
Let's talk about how you and me are gonna work out this Circuit City misunderstanding.
Claudette.
Claudette.
He said, "Shut up, bitch.
" - She was rapping? - She was, like, 50 years old.
- Vic? - Oh, what? You know a crackhouse run by some guy named Monty? Yeah, sure.
It's on Crescent, just west of Seventh.
- Why? - I gotta pick up a smokehound.
Oh, no, no.
No can do.
Monty gives me dirt, I give him safe passage.
This guy might have something to do with the missing girl.
All right, I'll go get him myself.
My cards suck anyway.
- Oh, come on, Vic.
- No, no, I gotta go.
Shut up.
- Vic.
- Open.
Shut up.
- Lonnie Reborg, he here? - In there.
There a problem? Show me.
Okay, Lonnie, let's go.
Come on, rise and shine.
- You stop that.
- Let's go.
What did he do? - You got kids here.
- It's teacher institute day.
- Where's their mom? - Buying supplies.
Christ, you can't have kids running around this place.
- What am I supposed to do? - Stick them in a backroom.
- Rent The Lion King.
- Someone stole the TV.
Then buy them crayons, for chrissake.
Just keep them away from this shit.
Think back, Lonnie.
You killed your wife last night.
- Why do you keep saying that? - Because that's the God's truth, son.
- You can't lie to God.
- Or the crime lab.
- Her blood's all over your shirt.
- I don't even got a shirt.
It's evidence now.
- Where's Jenny? - Jenny? - Your daughter, where is she? - I just went there to pick her up.
- Well, where is she? - I needed her.
You remember killing Nancy? - You remember the knife? - I just went there for Jenny.
- Think, Lonnie.
You went over there - I said that.
- To get Jenny.
- She's half mine.
- Nancy made you angry.
- She wouldn't let me take Jenny.
You didn't mean to kill her.
She made you do it.
I wouldn't kill no one.
Think, Lonnie.
What did you do to Nancy? - I don't feel good.
- Concentrate.
- What happened to Nancy? - I don't - You gotta keep trying.
- I am trying.
I went there to get Jenny.
Yeah.
Nancy tried to stop me.
Keep going, Lonnie.
She had a knife.
What then? I took it away from her.
What is it? What is it, Lonnie? I killed her.
I killed my sweet Nancy! - And where's Jenny? - What did I do that for? - Because you like crack? - My daughter.
- Told you from the start this guy did it.
- Now, where is she? I sold her.
- Sold her? Sold her to who? - He gave me 200 bucks.
- Who did? - This guy.
He likes girls.
How come? How come nobody stopped me, huh? I don't know.
Search warrant! George Sawyer? Where's Jenny Reborg? Sexy Schoolgirls, Jane at 1 5.
This is quite the reading list.
Where's my mother? It's time for her medication.
I'll make a call and make sure she gets her meds.
If you wanna hold this pervert's hand, be my guest.
Can I get you a cup of coffee? Okay.
Who took my Ding Dongs? - Problem, Dutchboy? - I had some Ding Dongs.
They're gone.
Ding Dongs.
What are you, in kindergarten? I've got a suspect whose profile screams organized, humiliation-driven offender, so he won't crack easy.
Which means I've got an interrogation that's gonna go all night.
Which means I need my Ding Dongs, and you took them.
Didn't you? Right.
I can't make it through the night without your Ding Dongs.
- Stay away from me and my desk.
- We've got an interview.
- What are you riled up about? - He took my Ding Dongs.
Oh, come on, son, fork over his Ding Dongs.
In my old squad, people had respect for people's property.
Oh, man, forget it.
How come everybody loves this asshole so much? Let's go.
We've got an interview.
I saw some Twinkies in the break room.
It's not the same thing.
Here's your coffee.
When are you gonna call about my mom's pills? In a minute.
- I got nothing to hide.
- I know.
Hey, tell me something.
You think there's something wrong with gay people? - Something wrong? - In the head, you know? With queers.
I mean, you think they got a screw loose? - I don't know.
- Not so long ago the medical community classified homosexuality as a disorder.
- Called it an illness.
- Yeah? Now scientists think maybe something genetic makes people gay.
So? For Booking.
So if God made them that way who are we to say they're wrong for doing the things they do? That got me thinking.
What if scientists discovered there's a gene that predisposes some people to be attracted to young girls? You think there is, in some people? Well, why not? And if scientists discovered that gene, then Well, then maybe people won't think it's so wrong to have sex with underage girls.
Maybe not.
Forgot to call about your mom's pills.
Hey! How's the car running, Miguel? It's leaking oil.
Well, these old cars always need a lot of work.
Must be a pretty handy guy with these tools, huh? - No pliers, though.
- Miguel's not too fond of pliers.
I can't say as I blame him.
Where's your lawyer, Miguel? I don't know, ése.
Miguel Esteana is dropping his complaint against you.
Told you it was bogus.
I'd like your incident report first thing tomorrow morning.
Sure, it'll be a couple of days.
I got something on the back burner.
It's not a request.
Tomorrow morning.
You'll get my report in a couple of days, maybe a week.
If you don't like it, take it up with Gilroy.
I don't have to.
In this building, I'm in charge.
Maybe in your own mind, amigo, but in the real world, I don't answer to you.
Not today, not tomorrow, not even on Cinco de Mayo.
- You call for the police? - Yeah, about two and a half hours ago.
- What's the problem? - What you think the problem is? - Look at my goddamn tires! - Someone slashed your tires? Was the real police busy today? - Any idea who might've done this? - Lamar, he's my ex.
Hey.
Look, I see he wasn't handling his responsibilities as a man.
I see that, I got no choice but to step in.
Did you witness this Lamar slash your tires? Yeah, bro, I got the whole thing on tape.
Come on, the brother dumb, but he ain't stupid.
- Are you gonna go arrest him? - We'll talk to him.
Can you think of anyone else who might've slashed your tires? - Like who? - Maybe a business associate? Business associate? What, you trying to imply something? No, I'm just wondering why you got a $30,000 car with $500 tires parked outside of a $400-a-month apartment.
Give me the goddamn money.
You, go to work.
Dmitri, I heard you got paroled.
I see you got your old job back.
I'm just temping for somebody who got the flu.
Hand it over.
- Bankroll too.
- Come on, Mackey, man that's just my playing-around coin.
This ain't right.
- Get lost.
- Yes, sir.
What did I tell you last week? No more free passes, right? - I know.
- Then let's go.
Come on.
- Any news on Two-Time's party? - It's definitely on for Saturday night.
You sure? Because I gotta be sure.
Well, he called up Ringo and asked for his four best girls for Saturday.
Guess I got left off the list.
You look like you lost some weight.
You been eating? Sure, after business hours.
I give you some money, you skip a couple of tricks, get some soup? - I don't need your money, Vic.
- Here, you look thin.
Get some soup.
Don't worry about me, Vic.
I get by.
Where's your boy? With my mom.
Here.
Get him some soup too.
- You're sweet, Vic.
- Hey, go see your son.
I got a daughter, 1 4 next month.
She's got some friends like to come over hang out, do homework, that kind of thing.
I don't know anything about that missing girl.
You know who Britney Spears is? I've seen videos.
My daughter's got these friends like to dress up like Britney Spears.
Tight jeans, cutoff T-shirts.
Thirteen years old.
She's got this one friend, Natalie.
I'm telling you I shouldn't be thinking what I'm thinking but the way this goddamn girl looks.
I mean She may not be a woman yet, but you can't call her a girl.
You know what I'm saying? Thirteen's a good age.
Yeah.
Yeah, I bet it is.
Can I get you some more coffee? - I didn't know Dutch had a daughter.
- He doesn't.
- What's your take on Vic Mackey? - How do you mean? You know what I mean.
I hear things.
As long as Mackey's producing on the street, he's got friends.
Gilroy, even the chief.
- So he's bullet-proof, huh? - From you, yeah.
I know what everybody here thinks.
I'm a test-taker.
I didn't earn it on the street.
Came time to name a captain, I was the right color at the right time.
You think taking on Mackey's gonna change people's minds? I'm just talking.
Right now Vic Mackey must look like a mighty big catch to you.
Do the smart thing, though, son.
Cut bait.
Doesn't bother you, the things he does? I don't judge other cops.
Mackey's not a cop.
He's Al Capone with a badge.
Al Capone made money by giving people what they wanted.
What people want is to make it to their cars without getting mugged.
Come home from work, see their stereo still there.
Hear about some murder in the barrio find out the next day the police caught the guy.
If those things means some cop roughs up some nigger or spic in the ghetto, as far as most people are concerned it's don't ask, don't tell.
How you figure on changing that? - Lamar Tilton? - Yeah? We're investigating vandalism to a car owned by your ex.
You mean the tires I slashed? - Yeah.
- You admit to vandalizing the car? - Sure, why not? - Because the car isn't yours? I gave that skank $ 1 500 on the down payment.
Day after she makes the delivery, she kicks me out then gives the car to this scrawny bitch she's been balling on the side.
- Your point being? - My point being $ 1 500.
Shit.
The way I figured it, that at least make the tires mine.
Look, you tell that bitch if she got a problem, she know where I am.
- Man, this is all wrong, man.
- Jewelry.
- You see that new guy she's with? - Yeah, I saw him.
Well, then you know what kind of prick I'm dealing with here.
Hey, so where's the love? The Bible.
Galatians, Chapter 7, Verse 6: For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
Oh, you can stop with the sermon, grandma.
When am I getting out? As soon as you arraign and you post bail.
- You got anything else? - How much bail gonna be? - Three hundred dollars.
- Three hundred? I don't got that kind of cash.
How are you able to afford all this jewelry, then? I don't gotta explain myself to you.
Lonnie knew I liked them young.
He needed money.
Said I could do whatever I wanted for 200 bucks.
When he brought her by, it was obvious she was like 7, 8 years old.
- Well, is that a problem? - I told Lonnie I like them 1 2 or 1 3.
Like you were talking about, developed a little.
- You must've been disappointed.
- Yeah.
Lonnie had already spent the money, so even though I didn't want her the girl was, you know, she was still mine.
- So you got rid of her.
- Hey, I don't hurt them.
I like them to like me, romantic-like.
Things just didn't work out this time.
- What did you do with her? - I traded her.
- You traded her? - To this doctor I met on the Internet.
He likes them 7 or 8.
He came right over and picked her up.
- You traded her? - I was out $200.
- Well, what did this doctor trade you? - A girl to be named later.
You know, like the kind of trades ball teams make.
Right.
- That's a nice boat.
- Thanks.
I take the kids up to Lake Tahoe every year, fishing, swimming.
Sounds great.
Two weeks' vacation doesn't make up for a year of double shifts but the kids look forward to it.
- How's the meat? - Five more minutes, bring out the buns.
- Great.
Did you tell Matthew he could keep a spider in his room? - That's for a school project.
- Lf that thing gets loose - It won't.
- Yeah, well, it better not.
- It won't.
- Better not.
Hey, what did I tell you about jumping in the? They grow up too quick, especially with the job we got.
Yeah.
What you're doing, though, it has to be done.
- You think? - Absolutely.
My dad was a cop.
He admired guys like you.
Those were some honest-to-goodness men back then, huh? Guys like Captain Aceveda, he'd never understand.
What do you expect from a damn quota baby? I think I could be a lot more useful to you.
You know, do more than just drive.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I mean, I know why you've been reluctant to include me.
You got a team.
They watch out for each other, know each other.
They'd kill to protect each other.
It's all about trust, otherwise you end up dead.
Listen, listen, listen.
Up till now, Two-Time's been impossible to nail.
He never keeps drugs at his place, until tonight.
- What's so special about tonight? - He's gearing up for a bash tomorrow.
He's got coke he's handing out as party favors.
It's our chance to nail him with the goods.
- Lock and load, baby.
- Yeah.
This is not gonna be any beauty pageant, ladies.
He's got steel-enforced doors, which means we go through a window and we gotta be fast.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?" Strike Team, Mr.
Drug Dealer.
Hey, and on top of that Terry's losing his cherry tonight.
He's coming with us.
- Terry, he's gonna lose his cherry.
- Terry's cherry.
Congratulations, my friend.
Hey, hey, hey.
Remember, the team comes first.
We take care of each other, all right? - Cheers.
- Cheers.
We have a few more questions, Mr.
Grady.
- Dr.
Grady.
- Right, Dr.
Grady.
And I have a practice to attend to, patients to see.
So charge me with something or release me.
- Do you know who Jenny Reborg is? - No.
George Sawyer says he gave Jenny to you for the purpose of sexual intercourse.
I don't even know the man.
You tell us where Jenny is, we'll get the DA to make a favorable offer.
Charge me or release me.
We'll see what we can do.
Tell me something.
As a man of science, I'd like your opinion.
Is homosexuality genetic or environment? - The latest studies suggest it's genetic.
- Really? Just the way they are.
- Can't help themselves, huh? - I see where you're going with this.
Don't waste my time.
Or yours.
I've got plenty of time.
I'm bored.
Charge me or release me.
This guy's definitely a dominationlcontrol pedophile.
- Is he capable of killing her? - Fits the profile.
- Let him sit for a couple hours.
- Couple hours? We got a girl missing.
Who knows if she's got food or water.
I can break this guy by the end of the day.
There's no way this pecker's gonna talk.
I know what buttons to push for this guy.
- I'm smarter than he is.
- This is not a quiz show, Dutch.
Lose the ego.
Think about Jenny Reborg.
- I am.
You got a better plan? - Yes, let him go.
- Let him go? - And we tail him.
We lose him, first thing he's gonna do is kill her.
- Look, I can break this guy.
- Your way will get her killed! So will yours.
- Anywhere in here.
- What about attack dogs? I hate dogs.
I need you.
And who are you? Who is he? You know what you're doing, son? What's in the bag? What's that stuff for? It's what I'm gonna use to get you to tell me where Jenny Reborg is.
- Your turn to play bad cop? - No.
Good cop and bad cop left for the day.
I'm a different kind of cop.
- I'm ready to see my lawyer now.
- Later, later, later.
Right now it's just you and me.
People are watching us.
I got a little girl back at home.
An 8-year-old daughter, her name is Cassidy.
What do you say I bring her down here, let you stick your dick in her? - How would you like that? - What? You know, suck her tits a little bit, maybe.
Not interested.
So you'll nail some other guy's little girl, but not my Cassidy? What's up with that, man? I'd like to take a look at this Jenny for myself.
See what she's got that my Cassidy doesn't.
- I'm sure you could arrange that.
- I don't know where the girl is.
Her name is Jenny Reborg.
I'm giving you one chance to let me know where you're hiding her.
I'm sorry, I wish I could He hit me.
He hit me.
Somebody You're the police! He's got a basement apartment under a fake name.
Jenny's there alone.
Last he knew, she was still alive.
You got something to say, Dutchboy, huh? Like, "Thanks for solving my case"? Just glad I could help.
Jenny! Watch out, watch out.
Come on.
Come on, goddamn it.
Come on.
It's okay, baby.
Jenny.
Jenny, you're safe now, sweetie.
You're safe now.
No way, man.
I ain't gotta listen to you.
Hey, Dutch.
I heard you found your missing girl.
Yeah.
Guy turned out to be a dominationlcontrol sociopath.
- Had her locked in this cage thing.
- Good thing you took him out.
Yeah.
So, what are you doing here? Your shift was over this morning.
As l Right? Wickman and Greenmont called in sick.
Me and Julien had to work.
- Oh, I hate doubles.
- I'm on my way home now.
Listen, I was gonna grab a beer with some of my old buddies from Sunset, in case you wanna tag along.
- That'd be great.
- Great.
But I'm not free tonight.
I mean, my friend Betsy set me up on this blind date.
- It's probably gonna be a nightmare - No, it sounds like fun.
So some other time, okay? I mean, I'd love to go out with you and the guys and stuff and hear some of the old stories.
- What's that smell? - What? - You don't smell that? - Oh, man.
Oh, yeah.
- What is that? - It's dog shit.
Jesus Christ.
All right, all right, whoever did this better clean it up right now.
Oh, it's you, isn't it? Clean this up, or I'm gonna shove it down your throat.
Hey, you got the wrong guy.
But I promise you I am not gonna rest until the culprit is brought to justice.
Hey, attention, everyone.
I'm declaring this an official crime scene.
Nobody leaves here without providing a stool sample.
- Yeah, right.
- Who gets to bag the evidence? - Some prank, huh? - Yeah.
You know, I once heard about this old cop tradition.
Any time someone in the squad started getting a big head some other cop would put dog crap in his locker.
Or desk.
Remind him he's just one guy, part of the team.
You heard about that, huh? Give me that.
Get out.

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