The Simpsons s12e17 Episode Script

Simpsons Safari

#The Simpsons # [Bell Ringing.]
[Whistle Blowing.]
[Jazzy Solo.]
[Tires Screeching.]
D'oh! [Screams.]
[Elephants Trumpeting.]
Olive oil? Asparagus? If your mother wasn't so fancy we could shop at the gas station like normal people.
I need this candy for school.
- Candy class.
- Well, okay.
But get five bags in case we eat four on the way home.
My teacher said I need cupcakes- cupcakes to learn.
- In the cart.
- [Groans.]
- I'm out of wine.
- Cart.
We need these because we have to- My doctor says- and my garage mechanic agrees- - In the cart.
- Whoo-hoo! You know, I always felt sorry for Marge, having to do the shopping but this is kind of fun.
Yeah! I wish Maggie had to go to the emergency room more often.
Hibbert Chuckles.]
I never heard of a baby swallowing a magazine before-And I'm a doctor.
I don't know if it matters, but it was a Time magazine.
- Does that matter? - Uh-oh.
- This could be dangerous.
- What? What? Syrian hard-liners are gaining influence.
[Cash Registers Beeping.]
I changed my mind.
- Stack it in the order I'll eat it driving home.
- Sir, please.
I've already bagged it by color and in order of each item's discovery by man.
The customer's always right.
That's what everybody likes about us.
Now, mush! You tell him, Jumbo.
And you- Start over.
I want everything in one bag.
- Yes, ma'am.
- But I don't want the bag to be heavy.
I don't think that's possible.
What are you, the possible police? Just do it.
Hey, hey, watch what you're doin' there, sack monkey.
You're bruising my Dura-Log.
Hurry up! I can't stand here jabbing you all day.
Please- Ow! Stop.
Bag boys have feelings too, you know.
- No, you don't.
- Excuse me.
Is there a problem here? No, I can handle it.
- I'll get you, squealer.
- Ow! Okay, that's it.
On behalf of Sack Stuffers local 199 I'm callin' a strike.
- Strike! Strike! Strike! - [Together.]
Strike! Strike! Strike! [Chanting Continues.]
Oh, the bag boys are on strike.
Ooh! I'm shakin'.
Simpson, please, will you go home? If I can have this rubber stick.
Pledging to honor the bag boys' strike are the Brotherhood of Fruit Packers and Unpackers the Shelf-Dusters' Union and the Unattractive Waitresses of America.
- Kiss my grits! - [Chuckling.]
- Good luck, sir.
- No bag boys are gonna stop Lenny from hosting a casual get-together.
Casual? I can taste that get-together now.
- [Glass Shatters.]
- Hey! I was holding that.
- Next time I'll knock your hat off, scab.
- [Whimpers.]
So hungry.
There's gotta be some food left.
"SulfurJerky"? "Cream ofToast"? Where do we get all this crap? Most of it was sent by relatives who couldn't see very well.
Hey, I found some eggs.
The mother abandoned her nest.
- [Screeching.]
- Aaah! Aaah! [Moans.]
There's gotta be something to eat in this house.
[Whining, Sniffing.]
Hey, the dog smells something.
Good boy! Good boy! Show us where the food is.
Where? Over there? - Hey! - [Snarling.]
Yoinck! My old lunch box.
Oh, that Amos Burke made his own rules.
Very old animal crackers! Mmm.
- [Chomping.]
- Homer, no! Those were made in the '60s.
- [Clank.]
- Ow! - What the hell- - Whoa.
A solid gold animal cracker.
"Find the golden giraffe, and we'll send you and your family to Africa.
" Africa? They're bound to have food there.
And on my free African safari, I wanna do everything on this box.
I want to shoot a lion in the face, fight Muhammad Ali and ride in a convertible with two happy zebras.
Sir, that contest ended 30 years ago.
We don't even make animal crackers anymore.
We make household poisons and Christmas lights.
Your box made promises of a "vacational" nature and I expect you to live up to them.
We won't though.
Sir, with all due respect, an old box of cookies is not a legal contract.
Ow! My eye! - Is that our fault? - We're in big, big trouble.
- He could sue us.
- It was defective string.
Yeah, and it's got very sharp corners.
- Mr.
Simpson, we've decided to make good on your vacation.
- Whoo-hoo! - [Whispering.]
Hey, mister.
- Yes? On the plane I'm gonna need two seats- for the twins.
- The Simpsons are going to Africa.
- [Together.]
Yea! - ## [Drums Beating.]
- [Vocalizing.]
- [Gasps.]
- What is it, N'gungo? Evil is coming.
- What shall we do, N'gungo? - Uh- You are N'gungo now.
Aaah! Africa looks like a beautiful jewel.
And these musical garment bags aren't bad either.
[Woman On P.
Attention, passengers.
Please prepare for our landing in Tanzania.
I'm sorry.
It is now called "New Zanzibar.
" Excuse me.
It is now called "Pepsi Presents New Zanzibar.
" Hello.
Hello, Simpsons.
Welcome to Africa.
- I am your guide, Kitenge.
- Hey, how ya doin'? - Hi.
- Hello.
- Isn't that cute? A bush baby.
- Where? - Aaah! Shoo! Shoo! - [Chittering.]
Oh, man.
I just bought this shirt.
- Who's Muntu? - He is our leader.
He seized power in a bloodless coup- all smotherings.
Just likeJimmy Carter.
[Brakes Screech.]
You'll be sleeping here tonight.
On the ground? No, Mom.
I will come down for your bags.
That's okay.
I got 'em.
[All Gasp.]
[Squeaks, Hisses.]
Bound to happen.
- [Insects Buzzing.]
- Help! Ugh! This mosquito net's not working.
No, no.
You have it inside out.
When do we get to see the animals? In the morning, little one.
Now, good night, and don't let the bedbugs paralyze.
Homie, did you remember to tip Kitenge? [Kitenge.]
No, he did not.
All right! I got another one.
Hey, you didn't see a warthog.
I'm looking at one right now.
Mom! Bart implied I was a warthog.
Nobody's a warthog.
- What about him? - [Snorting.]
- Aaah! - [Laughs.]
Oh, look, everybody.
[Elephants Trumpeting.]
Wow! It just rolled over to 10,000.
Now we sit quietly and wait for nature to unveil herself.
Rhinos don't come from eggs.
- What did you just see, Lisa? - I know, but- - What did you just see? - Hmph.
Oh, now, come on.
Look, Mother, by that tree- Cheetah.
- [Growling.]
- Mmm.
He doesn't look so fast to me.
- [Gasps.]
- [Yowling.]
[Kitenge Singing In Native Language.]
- Take it, Homer.
- # Glibby glup gloopy, Nibby nobby nooby # La lee lo, lo, lo - [Brakes Screeching.]
- What? What is it? Mmm.
That's terrible.
Now, honey, poachers are nature's way of keeping the balance.
Whenever there are so many species that people get confused and angry a poacher is born.
I don't care.
I hate them.
- [All Gasp.]
- Let's get out of here! They'll be back.
They left their cargo pants.
This is the earliest known fossil of a human being.
It's over two million years old.
[Blows Raspberries.]
I've got more bones than that guy.
If you're trying to impress me, you've failed.
It's not the number of bones, sir.
- It's the- - You have failed.
- [Slurping.]
- [Speaking In Native Language.]
The Maasai chief welcomes you to his village.
Oh, thank you.
Your ground is so comfortable.
By the way, what kind of blood is this? - Cow.
- [All Gasp, Laugh.]
Hey, Mom.
Look what Mbali gave me.
Hey, check it out.
- Bart! I told you not to get your lip "disked.
'" - All right.
[Voice Quavering.]
- ## [Drums Beating.]
- ## [People Chanting.]
That's it! Get into a frenzy.
Aha! - Whoo! - ## [Jazzy Riffs.]
This song has been going on for hours.
It's like the Allman Brothers.
- [Babbling.]
- Homer, no! - [Snarling.]
- Aaah! A hungry, hungry hippo.
Aaah! Help! Kitenge! - Now, Simpsons! Run for it.
- [Clamoring.]
- [All Gasp.]
- Huh? [Kitenge Groaning.]
- Good old Kitenge.
- [Kitenge Screams.]
Aaah! Quick! Into the river.
- Hippos hate water.
- No, they don't.
They-Aaah! [Squeals.]
Shaka Zulu! - Which way should we go? - Mmm- Hmm.
Hmm? Hmm.
- The left! Go to the left! - [Grunting.]
It's working.
Aaah! Leeches! - [Chomp.]
- Aaah! [Sighs.]
- [Wind Whistling.]
- Uh-oh.
[All Scream.]
Okay, here's the situation.
We're hopelessly lost and about to die.
- [Roaring.]
- [Screaming.]
Don't worry.
Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep in a giant blender.
Wonder where this river goes.
I've got a map.
Now, according to animal crackers, there's no river here.
- Eh- - Stay in the boat, Homer.
[Speaking Native Language.]
Let's just float by quietly.
[Both Gasp.]
You think they settled that bag boy strike yet? - [Rumbling.]
- Oh, no.
We're headed for Victoria Falls.
Here's why they shouldn't get anything.
One- [All Screaming.]
Whoo! This flower saved our lives.
Oh, no.
It's eating us.
Not a chance.
Wow, Dad.
How did you do that? It's a flower.
[Bird Screeching.]
[Bart, Lisa.]
Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? Are we insane yet? I told you, yes.
Now- Bart, go to the top of that hill and see if you can spot our hotel.
Kilimanjaro? - Go! - [Groans.]
- Aaah! - [Chittering.]
- A chimp.
- Hello, little fella.
Hey, maybe he'll lead us to bananas.
Or more mouthwatering monkeys.
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! - [Homer.]
Overtime for bag boys? Ridiculous! [Gasps.]
This is the place I've read about- where Dr.
Bushwell lives among the chimps.
Oh, isn't that sweet? He named it after his wife.
No, Dr.
Bushwell is a woman.
Well, now I've heard everything.
It's kind of you to take us in, Dr.
- Yeah.
Thanks for the grub.
- Grubs.
Ah, there's a burst of flavor.
Your work has really inspired me, Doctor- And I love your sensible ponytail.
Well, thank you.
See, Jojo? She likes it.
So I notice your home smells of feces.
- Yes? - And not just monkey feces either.
Could we talk about something else? L-I love what you've done with these poles.
Every day I get up at 5:30, watch the chimps eat a quick lunch of roots and water, then more chimp-watching.
After dark I come home and think about chimps until it's time for bed.
- You must be the most boring woman on earth.
- Possibly, but- - I mean, I knew scientists wasted their lives, but geez! - Homer! - [Screeching.]
- What? What is it, Pointy? [Brakes Screech.]
Oh, no.
It's the poachers.
Give us the chimps, and no one gets hurt.
Absolutely not! Will you help me defend the refuge? Anything for these noble animals.
So like us.
[All Grunting.]
- [Both Grunt.]
- Huh? - What? - Aaah! [Together.]
Yes! Aaah! - Somebody light this monkey.
- [Chittering.]
Aaah! Help! Bad monkey.
Hey! Stop it, you creep.
- Greenpeace? - That's right.
And we're not leaving till we rescue every animal here.
Well, if you really cared about chimps you'd know that Dr.
Bushwell is their best friend.
Oh, is that right? Why don't you tell her about the diamond mine, Doctor? Diamond mine? What are you talking about? I'm talking about this.
The chimps are running a diamond mine.
Why, what fascinating behavior.
L-I must document this new activity.
Bushwell! What, these? Well, they were a graduation present.
This shaft must be five miles deep.
[All Grunting.]
Oh, for- Lookit.
There's more over here.
Look at this.
She's hidden diamonds everywhere.
Even on the soles of her shoes.
She's one of the 10 richest chimp researchers in the world.
Look at me! I'm a scientist.
[Laughs, Sighs.]
How could you exploit your beloved chimps like this? I think we should look at her research before we condemn her entirely.
I haven't said anything for a while.
These are just pictures of monkeys from famous movies.
This is disgraceful, Doctor.
All right, so I snapped.
You don't understand the crushing loneliness and greed.
Don't worry, Doctor.
We'll get you all the help you need.
No! Don't put me away.
I'll give you diamonds.
Everybody wants diamonds.
Diamonds will make everything all better.
Diamonds! Diamonds! - What a nice lady.
- Very nice.
- Hey, Lise, check it out.
Diamond vision.
- Buzz off.
Hey, look.
Our tour guide got a new job.
Mmm, quite a promotion.
I was wondering what became of him.
What happened to President Muntu? I don't want to talk about it.
[All Laughing.]
[Homer Laughing.]
He got overthrown! Now he's just a stinkin'flight attendant.
Hey, where's my pillow? - [Murmuring.]
- Shh!
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