The Simpsons s26e12 Episode Script

The Musk Who Fell to Earth

Ay-ay-ay! (bees buzzing) (birds chirping) Oh! Looks like our birdhouse is benefitting from positive word of beak.
(laughs) (eagle screeches) A bald eagle! It is! (screeches) Maybe he's giving those little baby birds some food.
(screams) (screeches) (gasps) Homer, quick! Get your shooing broom.
Marge, an eagle is our country's mascot! Fighting him is like kicking George Washington in his wooden nuts! Aah! (grunting) (screeches) (grunts) Ow.
This means war! Boy, bring my toupee.
Go ahead, boy.
MILHOUSE: It's working! It's definitely working! For once, we're finally gonna catch that mouse.
(screeches) Got you! Ha.
ha! Stupid eagle! It wasn't the mouse we were after.
It was you! Marge, preheat the oven! (grunting) (screeching) I got him cornered, boy! Bag him up! (screeching) (grunting) (laughing) Not so majestic in a trash bag, are you? Oopsie.
(puffing) Seems almost a shame I'm gonna have to bang you against the wall till you die.
No! Let's take the eagle to Shelbyville Animal Rescue where you took that injured hummingbird you found on the front lawn.
Uh um Or maybe we can nurse him back to health and set him free in the wild.
Okay, Bart, think of a name.
Make it great-- insanely, unbelievably great! Squawky? Perfect.
Just like when we let you name Maggie.
(humming) Squawky, until I met you, I never thought I could love something bald.
(screeches) Bye! We love you.
(all gasp) Oh, my God.
Brace yourselves, family.
We're about to meet a being with intelligence far beyond ours.
Boy, give me my baseball bat.
I'm Elon Musk.
Die! What the? Dad, no! Elon Musk is possibly the greatest living inventor! You're the guy who put wheels on luggage? Oh, bless you! Bless you! (crying) I'm-I'm not that guy.
His company perfected electric cars and then gave away the patents! He changed the way Hollywood drives! And now he's landed in our yard.
On my son's bike and on our mailman's leg.
Honey, guess who crushed me? I'll give you a hint.
His first name is Elon.
Ah! That's right! So, what brings you to Springfield, Mr.
Musk? What does bring me to Springfield? Well, to start with, I'm an idea man.
It's my raison d'être.
Mmm, Raisin Detra.
I've hit a dry patch.
I'm blocked.
In my personal drought, I'm traveling the country quietly by spaceship, looking for inspiration.
That's so sad.
Maybe we're the same.
Two lost ships in the intellectual sea.
Each of whom could inspire the other to reach Hey, Elon, if you're interested, you could come to the nuclear plant where I work tomorrow.
I am and I will! Great.
And if anyone asks where I am, just cover for me.
Homer! Fine! We'll both go, and if anybody asks you something you don't understand, just say protons.
So do you get satellite radio cheaper in space? Homer, if we're gonna carpool together, there's one thing you have to know.
Ass, gas or grass-- no one rides for free.
It's as old as the Bible.
No, it's that I don't talk to anyone unless they provide the mental stimulation I seek.
(Lisa giggles nervously) Hi.
I didn't want to miss one more chance to spend time with Mr.
It is such an honor.
He is.
And may I save that paper? "No ideas.
" (gasps) That's sad.
(gasps) That's even worse.
(gasps) Aw, man, I wish those were white meatballs.
(triumphant orchestra music playing) Oh, my.
That's an idea! White meatballs-- synthetic meat that you can print in your printer.
Say something else.
Please! Now! Uh don't tase me, bro.
Chocolate rain! Tase, bro, chocolate rain.
Use electroplating to remove metal ions from rainwater, making it suitable for drinking.
What about the chocolate? We'll make the device a soothing chocolate color-- brilliant! He's taking your Homerisms and turning them into his own great ideas! This is the most inspirational moment of my life, but unfortunately, this is my stop.
Well, come on, keep throwing things at me.
Um (grunts) Oh, this is a break.
We're-we're taking a break! (grunts) (laughs) (both laughing) I got you! MUSK: You're fun.
Well, duh.
Why don't have fun like that, Lou? (huffing) Ah, Chief! Did anyone ever tell you there's a safety on that gun? What do you mean this thing? (grunts) That's the trigger! What are you writing? Share, buddy.
Suggestion for the suggestion box.
Can anyone make a suggestion? Be my guest, but I seriously doubt the old man ever reads them.
Suggestion 8,432.
Nix! Hmm, technically an order, not a suggestion.
"Installing an MHD generator "would allow the plant to "operate at a higher temperature "without the tyranny of moving parts using conducting plasma as the moving conductor"? Excellent.
Clearly the work of Lenny.
That's the white one, right? Is this your suggestion? No.
No, mine was rubber mats in the decontamination showers.
Also, water in the decontamination showers.
Never! Mm-hmm.
Good Lord! Sir, you know who that is? The man who's revolutionized the car industry.
Henry Ford, good to see you.
As healthy and vibrant as Detroit itself.
No, sir, this is Elon Musk.
For some reason, he's sharing a console with Homer Simpson.
His mind is as rich as an Italian wedding soup.
Homer, what are you thinking now? Uh, Pittsburgh 35, Dallas 31! (triumphant orchestra music playing) Pittsburgh steel, Dallas Cowboys Robotic cattle herding! Thank you, Homer.
(gentle music playing) Sorry, that's something I'm working on so that I don't have to display facial expressions.
(electrical crackling) Young man, I look at you and I see myself.
How much would you charge to work for me? I don't care about the money.
The whole monetary system is just a series of interconnected heterogeneous databases.
Could you repeat that first part? I don't care about the money.
Once more with feeling? I don't care about the money.
Now, let me feel the vibrations of your lips.
(muffled): I don't care about the money.
And I want you to get your fingers out of my mouth! Smithers, there's something strange in his mouth.
It's called moisture.
Hmm, I see.
Okay, Musk, what do you propose? Well, you'll need to increase the capacity of your plant.
You cover the costs, you get 100% of the profits.
Careful, Elon, he's not as kindly as he appears.
(creaking) Now, Burns, what if everything in town not powered by electricity were powered my electricity.
The electricity you sell them.
Imagine that.
(gasps) My doctor says I'm not allowed to imagine, so I hired someone to do it for me.
Send in the imaginer.
(humming) Oh, that's fabulous.
Oh, my goodness, I can see everything.
I'm in.
Oh, by the way, Mr.
Burns? I haven't been paid in a while.
Here you go.
Ooh, Swiss francs! Time to take my wife for a night on the town.
Hey, wait a minute! (sniffs) So, what kind of lunch do you pack? Wow, Elon, you're like Willy Wonka without the underpaid munchkins.
Uh, I'd like to offer you something.
But all I got is coffee.
With cream! Come on, I want cream.
Give it up.
(grunting) D'oh! Cream and sugar are one thing too many! (triumphant orchestra music playing) Exactly, exactly! What if we made the cream cup out of sugar so it dissolved in the coffee? Wow.
Wow! Between your genius and my nothing, we make a great team! Come on, give me a hug.
Sorry, I'm not one for hugging.
Well, I'm not one for just talking.
(violin playing romantic melody) Does that drone do date nights with the wife? My partner, Montgomery Burns ALL: Boo! and I (cheering) Hooray! have exciting news.
Springfield Nuclear has electric solutions to all of your energy needs.
The Springfield Hyperloop.
Electrifying the school to replace the old power source, Willy pushing a wheel.
(drumming rhythmically) And my passion project, the Glayvinator.
You have a Glayvinator, too? Is it, um, uh, patent-pending? Patent granted.
All the years of Glayvining in my basement for naught! I'm a failure.
Ah, yes, everyone's been there.
You have those feelings, too? Of course not.
If I knew how to make a fist, I'd hit you.
This is wonderful, Smithers.
For once in my life, something's going my way.
I'm not so sure.
Oh, another visit from Mr.
I don't trust Musk.
Anyone with that much money has a darkness in his soul.
Says you.
(sighs) SMITHERS: Mr.
Burns? Mr.
Burns? Sir, Musk's ideas sound great, too great.
We're meant for wretched lives.
We should pass on this.
And before you reply, remember, I've never let you down.
You know what I'm going to say, right? Release the I was going to say "Get out," but your idea sounds better.
(sighs) Can you give me a ten-second head start? Of course.
One, two, three! (barking) Not on my carpet.
Attention, fans of The Little Rascals.
The last of them died today in Palm Springs.
Now it's time for traffic with Arnie Pye.
Nothing to report, Kent.
Since Elon Musk gave everyone self-driving cars, there hasn't been a single accident.
(chuckles) Well, you be careful up there, Arnie.
No need.
Musk gave me a self-flying chopper! Where's Arnie? Now I can get as loaded as I want, which is pretty damn loaded.
Oh, boy.
Elon, Elon, you're my guy Since you came down from the sky.
(gulping) Car, go park at work so people think I'm there.
(horn honks) AUTOMATED VOICE: Force of habit.
Car, wake Grampa.
(zapping) (Grampa groaning) Thank you.
(mutters) Bart, what are you doing? Disable auto drive.
You'll never guess Elon Musk's master password.
Musk rulez, with a "Z.
" AUTOMATED VOICE: Password verified.
Manual control enabled.
(laughs) (tires squealing) Welcome, friends.
I have invited you here to share in our first quarterly profit report.
I'm sure you're all eager to hear how much richer I am.
Now, to end the suspense, Elon? Thank you, Monty.
At our current rate Yes? assuming a linear growth model Of course! we are losing roughly $50 million a quarter.
Just remember, our purpose is to show the planet how to save itself.
Oh, the planet.
I adore the planet.
Do you know my favorite part of the planet? Gravity! There are no trapdoors on this podium, Burns.
You just started the PowerPoint presentation.
No, no, no! Musk, you tricked me.
Not a trick.
We sacrifice now to take care of the future in a way totally determined by me.
(groans) All I wanted was to make obscene profits in the last year of my life and leave it to no one.
Why does God hate dreamers? Due to recent fluctuations in my judgment, and the once in a lifetime mistake of trusting another human being, I am saddened to announce massive layoffs.
Who will pay for my radiation sickness treatments? Not my concern.
But Musk was our savior! Your so-called savior isn't interested in saving anything but the world.
Bah! Burns' layoffs have thrown the city into a new depression, marked by the singing of songs from the old depression.
If you're old enough to have suffered then and now, why don't you sing along? Now the rain's a-fallin' Hear the trains a-callin' Whoo-ee My mama done told me Hear that lonesome whistle Blowin' cross the trestle Whoo-ee My mama done told me A-Whoo-ee A-Whoo-ee (clopping hoofbeats) Oh, clickety-clack and it's echoing back The blues in the night.
My final invention.
A pill that removes all grief.
(chittering) Ah (groans) (chittering) Oh, my God, it attracts women, too.
You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome.
(distorted): You're welcome.
(whistles) You really came back from that Tommy John surgery.
Tell Musk there's more where that came from.
More of what? (groans) BURNS: Smithers, the hounds feel terrible for what they did, and good news, one pooped out your ear.
We'll dip it in iodine, and it's just like new.
(groans) Also, I'm sorry, I couldn't find the records of the shots the hounds had which, in turn, led to all those painful injections in your abdomen.
(groans) Now, the reason I'm here I've made the calls.
I'm gonna have Elon Musk killed, and I'll give you a little extra morphine, friend.
(screaming) (dogs snarling) Oh, right, that's a trapdoor.
(groans) What's wrong, Homer? Is it that all your friends are out of work, and it's kind of your fault? (scoffs) No, it's Elon.
I don't care how much he likes me, I don't want to be friends with him anymore.
None of his pie in the sky ideas ever work out.
Sky pies are lie pies.
Of all the planets in the universe, why did he have to come to this one? How do you break up with a guy? Here's what you do.
You just take his hand, look in his eyes, and say, "I don't want to be with you anymore.
" Wow, you're good at that.
It's gotten me out of a lot of gym memberships.
Sir, I have my concern about the team of hit men you've assembled.
They seem a little long in the tooth.
Just because a man can't see or hold his hands steady doesn't make him any less of a marksman.
A yoga mat that rolls itself up.
Silent Velcro, baseball tickets that guide you to your seat.
(gunshots) Sweet Columbian Exposition! Musk lives.
But, uh, three of your hit men don't.
Recoil was pretty bad.
Oh, my God, Oh, my God.
You saved my life! Which is gonna make what I'm about to say even more awkward.
Whatever you want, we'll make it work, right, Homer? Elon, Elon, Elon, I want to say something to you, and I don't want you to be inspired by it.
I want you to listen.
No! I don't want to be with you anymore.
Can I ask why? I could say it's the being shot at, or the flat, emotionless way you talk, or the fact that PayPal was my idea, and I was just about to do it when you came out with it, but really it's that this town isn't ready for you.
And neither am I.
It's okay; I'll be fine.
(gentle music playing) It's on your face, too.
Well, I did save you one last prize from the Cracker Jack box that is my brain.
Use it as you will.
On the Miami Dolphins helmet, the little dolphin is also wearing a helmet.
Why are they always the most beautiful just when they're breaking up with you? I think it's time to tell my luggage to self pack.
(beeps) Good-bye, Elon.
Our town will never forgive you.
Thanks for the real working lightsaber.
(whooshing) Ay, caramba! (giggles) I just wanted to see if there was a better life, even for a little bit.
When you're 16, I'll drive you to Cincinnati, and you'll see what there is to see.
Musk, before you go, is there anything you could do to give a little girl hope that the world of the future won't be as grim as all our current movies forecast? I guess humanity wants its change one birdhouse at a time.
Hmm, for a man who likes electric cars, he sure burns a lot of rocket fuel.
(moans) What's wrong, Dad? Nothing.
Elon's log, Earth date, 25 January, 2015.
I have left Springfield forever, but there are some things I will definitely miss.
The little dolphin is also wearing a helmet.
Wearing a helmet.
Wearing a helmet.
I never thought I'd say this, but sometimes holograms miss the point.
There's a starman Waiting in the sky He'd like to come and meet us But he thinks he'd blow our minds There's a starman Waiting in the sky He's told us not to blow it 'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile He told me Let the children lose it Let the children use it Let all the children boogie There's a starman Waiting in the sky He'd like to come and meet us But he thinks he'd blow our minds There's a starman Waiting in the sky He's told us not to blow it 'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile He told me Let the children lose it Let the children use it Let all the children boogie.
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