The Starter Wife (2008) s01e05 Episode Script

Hour Five

Previously on The Starter Wife: Who is he? And I don't want any crap about him being a great guy.
He's my lover.
You gonna tell us why he was in jail? Manslaughter.
I was on Lou's patio that night.
And I was in a fight.
What are you doing? What the hell do you think you're doing? [grunting.]
I will have a face lift and a nose job, but I'll tell everybody else it was the car accident.
I'll tell Pappy I told everybody it was a car accident because I didn't want him to know I had work done, and then I had to get a new car to be convincing.
It's all good.
I'm gonna ask Shoshanna to marry me.
You're looking at the new CEO of Durango Studios.
(Sascha) When we were making love in your grotto, your BlackBerry was not so very important.
Give me a call.
You faked your suicide? Everybody wants to go to their own funeral.
We're all in agreement.
Lying is an important part of every marriage.
It's right up there with intimacy and trust.
I don't want to go back.
I want to stay in Malibu with you.
You gotta get on that plane.
You're not lookin' at the big picture.
What about us? We'll always have Starbucks.
I told you I could never change.
But who knows? Suddenly, with you in my life, anything seems possible.
[Molly thinking.]
Don't over-think it, don't over-talk it.
I find this situation very, very liberating.
You said we could just live in the now, and not even think about the future.
You're okay with that? Absolutely.
We're on the same page.
Kenny was-- we weren't even in the same book.
Which isn't to say we couldn't turn the page.
Our page.
I mean, you know.
I mean if we felt like turning it at the same time.
If we--if we, you know, if we're reading it at the same rate of speed we could do that.
What if you like to skim, and I like to reread a sentence, like, a few times, or-- or if one of us was dyslexic? Are you dyslexic? No, Molly.
I'm just torturing the metaphor some more.
Oh, man, yeahuh Good morning, Lavender.
Molly I'm so sorry.
Nana wanted to borrow your loofah.
It's okay.
It's fine.
His lawyer is his weapon of mass destruction.
They have only one goal: to grind you into dust.
Our goal is to eviscerate Kenny.
And that is the last time I will use his name [thinking.]
Definitely the third time was the best.
What are you smiling about?! Sorry, uh-- Not that Kenny isn't scum, it's just that I was hoping for something more amicable.
The only people who use that term are the people who are ready to lose.
Is that what you want? No.
On Friday, you will not speak.
You will not show any emotion.
It's all Kabuki theater.
They come, they yell, they strut.
I strut, I yell, I lie.
Most importantly, you will not sign anything.
If they put a check in front of you for $5 million, if I am telling you to sign, you say nothing, you sign nothing.
Do you understand? I say nothing, I sign nothing.
And don't wear something so-- Just wear black.
Well, apparently no subject is taboo if you say it with alligators.
Is that a battered alligator shelter? Uh-huh.
And you should see how big daddy's teeth are.
You didn't find one about the mommy alligator who can't get rid of the image of the daddy alligator screwing the nanny, did you? I can write that.
How 'bout, uh "Daddy's a Reptile"? Or "Who's Your Daddy Boffing Now?" Mmm.
I think it's just gonna take a little time.
Oh, I don't know.
It just seems to be getting worse.
The harder he tries, the more I seem to resent him.
(woman) Have you tried a marriage counselor? Oh, I'm sorry, I've overstepped.
It's okay.
We weren't exactly whispering.
It's just that I've been through the same thing.
No matter what I did, I just couldn't get over the feeling that somehow Phillip had won.
You know, gotten away with it.
The kids still think that Jorge's wonderful and perfect.
And why did mommy make him stay away.
But the marriage counselor was able to mediate between you two.
Make the other understand and forgive.
Oh, no, Mike was just terrible with that stuff.
But he was great in the sack.
Hot and hairy.
And that's the image that finally replaced the other.
Well, that's an image that pretty much replaces everything.
Do you ride? Horses? No, springer spaniels.
I'm Jewish.
The only time my people ride is when we're fleeing from the Cossacks.
Okay, so that's two things I didn't know about you.
You're Jewish and you don't ride springer spaniels.
Except for the high holy days.
Your turn.
You tell me two things.
Oh, no, no, I'm boring.
Well, come on, there's gotta be something.
Okay, well, I was married.
And I've booked us a weekend in Santa Barbara.
Really? For how long? Two nights.
I meant the marriage.
So did I.
The weekend is for three.
[sharp sigh.]
Watch out.
[cell phone rings.]
Hi, sweetheart.
Just out shopping.
What do you want for dinner? That's fine, we won't expect you.
No, no, it's okay.
I know how important this movie is to you.
I'll see you later.
Have a look around.
I'll find you in a minute.
[lock snaps shut.]
I've locked all the doors at an open house.
That's like chopping off a leg.
Don't worry, baby, it's worth it.
Is it ever.
Why is the laundry room right next to the bedroom? So we can be lying down in about three seconds.
You feeling a little shy? How long has this house been on the market? Four weeks.
You interested? [scoffs.]
In a house where I have to listen to the dryer while I'm lying in bed? Well, people don't do laundry at night.
Are you kidding? There are ten people living in my house.
The machines run 24/7.
No wonder you haven't sold this thing.
You think? Definitely.
Kiss me.
It's got a sink, what else could it be? Crafts room.
Kiss me.
Could be.
Sell in a week.
Last chance-- kiss me.
[alarmed moans.]
I'm sorry, I can't.
I forgot my shoes.
Crafts room.
Have a nice walk? Mm-hmm.
I imagine it's been a while he's had anyone to walk with.
Seems so.
Which could make him a very fast walker, because, uh, he's just so happy walking.
Well, we're both so happy walking.
Uh, but he's, uh, he's good at waiting for me.
But clearly, he's capable of sprinting, if he wanted.
Well, good for you.
And him.
Exercise is so important.
Oh, just, uh Gotta rake.
Oh, my.
I'll take that.
[both giggling.]
Joan I've quit.
You have to, you know, completely, thoroughly quit.
I know.
I helped you get out of rehab, Joan.
I thought that Pappy was overreacting.
I-- I don't know when things got serious, but just think about what could have happened.
You could've killed someone, or yourself.
My license is suspended, I have a court date, I get it.
I'm off the booze.
And you have to tell Pappy what really happened.
You've gotta tell him the truth.
Um, no.
You only get one wish.
You can do this.
I know you can do this.
(TV reporter) And the mysterious disappearance of studio head Lou Manahan was cleared up after the discovery of an overlooked suicide note.
In the note, Mr.
Manahan is said to go to some lengths to explain the reasons-- [changes channel.]
(man) I'm going ingoing in.
This is actually better than talking to the dog.
I'm not talking to him, I'm talking to you guys.
And talking to the dog, hugging the dog-- (Hannah) Why are you wasting our time? My client was married to this man for ten years.
She gave up a successful writing career to-- Oh, please, one book hardly constitutes a successful writing career.
It won the Koreh Foundation Book Aw-- (Kenny) Bob's right.
But the other way to look at that is she's got nothin' to fall back on, nada.
(Bob) That's not a way to look at it.
Bob, we can add a couple mil to this.
I won't miss it.
[clears throat.]
Kenny, let me take care of this.
(Kenny) My new salary's obscene.
It's just obscene.
And that's without the signing bonus.
(Bob) They do not need to know that.
Kenny Bob [sighs.]
If she signs now.
Not yet.
The alimony.
Why should her standard of living take a dive because he can't keep it in his pants? That is totally uncalled for.
But true.
(Kenny) Honestly, things are going just too well for me to be stingy.
My career, my relationship.
And what does Molly have, huh? Sign.
Am I allowed to talk? Sidebar.
Do you really want me to sign? I want you to sign so bad my teeth ache.
Then we should've had a secret signal for if-- Just sign! She's ready to sign.
Kagan has decided to take a couple of days before committing to the changes we've talked about.
Lawyers, hmm? [whispering.]
We should've had a signal.
So she says she's not drinking, but you know, who knows? Meanwhile, she's having a face lift, nose job, ear pinning, chin implants next week.
Only person I know who could crash into a telephone pole and wind up looking 20 years younger.
It takes a toll.
Sam the night of the accident, you tried to stop Joan? You don't drink.
Is that--is that what happened to you? No.
I wasn't alone in the car.
You don't have to talk about it.
I was back in Hartford for my 15th high school reunion.
The timing couldn't have been better.
I'd just gotten a big promotion at Goldman Sachs.
Wealth management.
I was a big deal.
I only made the trip so everyone would know it.
Holy mother! You all right? Brain freeze.
Gimme that.
No, I'm fine.
I'm okay.
Are you sure? Yes.
Please, please go on.
It was the night before the reunion.
A bunch of us went out drinking.
Showing off.
My best friend Derek we didn't make it to the reunion.
He was dead, and I was in the hospital.
You were driving.
Oh, yeah.
Was there a trial? No.
I pled guilty, uh, I got ten years, and I was out in five.
I was--I was glad to do the time.
The only person I wanted to see when I got out was Derek's mom.
She'd written to me in jail, and tried to forgive me.
The woman was a widow with no other kids.
Talk about crazy.
Did you find her? Sure.
It's Mrs.
So everything Sam does for Mrs.
Caldecott is some sort of penance? He feels like he owes her a son.
It's like a Dickens novel-- bleak and tortured.
Scrounging for pennies, no shoes.
The depraved scoundrel who turns out to be the embodiment of noble sacrifice.
Mm, it's breathtakingly romantic.
Scrounging for pennies, no shoes? Noble sacrifice.
Summer fling.
Possible relationship.
He's a broken man.
Rodney, what happened to Sam could have happened to any one of us.
Could have happened to Joan if someone else had been in the car.
Joan could get over it.
That doesn't make her a better person.
(Joan) Rodney, Dr.
Suderman awaits! Point taken.
Be right there.
Is that what you want? Hmm? A man who needs to punish himself forever? No.
But the time we've spent together, you know, it's been kind of--kind of normal.
And, I don't know, maybe he wants a little more of that.
Or maybe I'm just kidding myself.
I know you think I'm just kidding myself, but you're not exactly an expert on relationships.
It's more like the blind leading the blind here.
I'm thinking a dinner party.
Your guy, my guy, Joan's new face.
It may not pass for normal, but we'll see if we can coax that turtle of yours back out into the real world.
Yeah, let's put a pin in that.
How's Aaron? He's great.
But You know me, I like the chase.
Enjoy the hospital.
Have fun at the memorial.
Just saying good-bye.
Shoshanna? Molly Kagan.
Well, yeah, you are.
I recognize you from the pictures all over your house.
God, I love your shoes.
You have some crazy great shoes you left behind.
Good thing we're not the same size, or I'd, like, totally be wearing them.
I'm kidding.
And I'd, like, totally kill you if you did.
I'm kidding.
[loud laugh.]
Nice to see you gals getting to know each other.
It's a sad day, isn't it? You bet, but closure is vital.
Helps us all move on.
You know what I was thinking? I'd love to know.
Awesome airbrush on this picture.
I wonder who did it.
Excuse me.
(Lou) I wonder who picked that one.
Lou? Aunt Rhoda.
You couldn't come as Uncle Marty? Men don't wear black veils.
Um, as artistic as your disguise is, I think that we should sit down in the back.
You go ahead, I'm going to eavesdrop.
[Molly's thoughts.]
Is there a man who can make it to 60 without putting on a dress? Sad day.
Sad sad day.
The greatest years of my career were under Lou.
I'll never forget the day Nobody will talk to me.
I never really understood how hard it is to be a woman in this town.
You're making me crazy.
"Lou," I said, "you've got to do this.
" Cut to opening weekend, $35 million.
Two thumbs up.
Over-- Uh, radical marketing over the next few years revolutionized the company, and Lou, he never forgot who was behind it all.
Always giving me credit, pulling me up through the ranks.
I forgot, I hate funerals.
No, no, you're not leaving.
You sit, sit.
Oh, Chloe, this is-- this is Lou's Aunt Rhoda.
I really liked your nephew.
He was really decent.
I would have killed to work on his desk.
[tearful female voice.]
Why, thank you.
That would mean so much to little Louey.
(Jorge) I was just a little pissant straight out of film school, and, uh, Lou Manahan returns my call.
I thought it was because I was so hot, But, uh, it was a few years later that I discovered he always returns every call.
Even the hard ones.
(man) He covered my ass more than once.
But the time he saved my career, he didn't even know about it.
(second man) I don't know how he got her to laugh.
And you know what? She won't tell me.
My own mom.
She thought he was so sexy.
(male eulogizer) He, uh--he was the only one who turned up after it flopped.
(different male mourner) Growing up in Brooklyn, Lou was always first.
He was the first person to throw a punch, the first person to kiss a girl, the first person to make big money, and the first person to leave.
But when he left, he didn't forget.
He didn't forget his friends, he didn't forget his family.
And he didn't forget where the magic came from.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the movies.
And that's why he came out here.
To make movies, to make dreams.
That's what he was-- he was a dream merchant.
A dream manufacturer.
And some of those dreams are yours, and some of them are mine, and all of them were his.
So when Lou Manahan lost those dreams, there was nothing of Lou Manahan left.
It was just a holograph.
Because Lou Manahan without dreams was not Lou Manahan at all.
[loud honks.]
So I'm go take my hat off to you, Lou.
What are you thinking? I was wondering how quickly I could unload a pampas.
(eulogist) God bless you.
And now, Al Pacino.
Come on, Al, don't be shy.
[gasps and whispers.]
(man) Oh, my God! Lou?! I'll take it from here.
[confused murmuring.]
Please, please, please.
(Lou) Over the last couple years, I got tired.
Tired of being king, tired of the splendid isolation, tired of being Lou Manahan.
I needed to disappear.
So I checked into a motel to figure things out.
But I kept seeing photos of this man on the news.
Who would even miss a guy like that? I needed to know.
And so I came here.
And as all of you spoke, it fell into place.
I remembered my friends.
I remembered all the reasons I got into this business.
And I remembered it was good being that guy.
That Lou Manahan.
And I would really like to join this party.
You bailed! I decided to age gracefully.
All the malpractice suits I studied came flooding back to me.
A woman who wanted to look like a cat ended up looking like her basset hound.
And as you know, I'm not a dog person.
She doesn't mean you, Tater.
(Molly) So how far did you get? Did you get to count down from 100? I can't believe this, you were so gung ho.
Can't you just accept me the way I am? Yeah, like this was my idea.
So does this mean you're gonna tell Pappy the truth? Oh, shush.
(Lou) Life is good.
We might miss it.
Eat it up! Say yes! Jorge! Jorgeyes! What? Yes, to The Dutch Bureaucrat's Son! [laughter.]
It's hard when you're young.
You? No, you're fired.
Whoo! Lou Manahan reborn.
Kenny Kagan, down for the count! I don't believe it.
Oh, believe it.
Because sometimes-- not often, but sometimes-- there is actual poetic justice in this world.
Shh, here's my cop.
This little prank cost the taxpayers quite a bit of money in department manpower.
I think perhaps a fine, some community service-- [TV off.]
Oh, did I tell you? Sam's coming to brunch Sunday.
I told Rodney to hold off.
No, you told him to hold off on dinner.
This is brunch.
Great, because the time of day was what was really troubling me.
Hi, kids.
We're doing Shoshanna's place.
I don't have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up--yea! (Jaden) I'm gonna eat you.
[Sam chuckles.]
What, a nice little shark like you? Didn't your mother teach you better manners than that? It's true, Jaden.
There's no reason to think that every shark is mean.
Some are quite friendly.
Like who? Happy Waters.
He shares his toys, and likes to have sleepovers.
And likes to play with all the other fish.
You wanna see a picture of him? Come here.
Can I have it? Yeah.
There you go.
Let's have a look.
Wow, that is cool.
[cell phone rings.]
Your mom is so clever.
Hey, Lou.
How's it feel to be alive again? Fantastic.
Worth every penny of the $257,000 I paid the county.
Oh, wait, someone's calling in.
Yeah? Well, call Frank and get the tracking reports.
I'll be in at 11:00.
Looking forward to the next part of my story.
Starting with dinner Friday night.
Anywhere you want to go.
Well, that's quite an offer.
I don't think so, but thanks for asking.
I'm glad you're back, Lou.
Oh, I don't give up that easily.
[shower splashing.]
[pained grunts.]
[woman coughing.]
(Sam) Are you okay? Oh, go put some clothes on.
We're not helpless.
He can push my half.
Got myself a roommate.
Let me--Mrs.
C, let me do this.
Oh! No, I didn't get any flowers, Pappy.
They probably gave them to that other Joan-- the crystal meth addict.
I'll go down to the front desk and ask.
You're such a love.
Oh, no, it's just a bump and a scrape.
That'll teach me for saying yes to volleyball.
Oh, Molly was using the Prius and had a little fender bender.
So, um, I think, um, when I get out, I'll just get the new model.
Oh, any day now.
Oh, I don't know.
Time off for good behavior, I guess.
Okay, bye-bye, darling.
[harsh exhale.]
A lot of children are afraid of sharks, so I thought Happy Waters, the friendly shark, who has play dates with his pals in the ocean-- I get it.
sleepovers and birthday parties.
It's not quite, uhuh Comic enough? Mm-mm.
Long enough? Because there was a whole octopus bit that I cut out.
Look, I get that this is a rough pass.
Oh-- [chuckles.]
I'm not gonna lie to you, Molly.
We have a history together.
It's just not, uh good enough.
The concept is okay, but the writing is precious.
The artwork just doesn't know where it wants to be.
And rhymes are really not in this year.
I could go on.
How'd you like my spelling? Immaculate.
Thank you for your time.
Look, you had the magic once.
Maybe it's gone.
Maybe it'srusty.
Maybe it'll come back.
(Hannah) And now your husband, whose name I will not utter, is crying poor.
He's got two years left on his contract.
His contract was terminated when he took on Lou's job.
Well, then, he's got a new and better contract.
The deal wasn't finished.
He's without a contract, without a job.
And surprise, surprise, they want to start the negotiation all over.
So I'm screwed.
Pretty much.
You wanted to take this out.
You didn't tell me it was a bearing wall.
You take this out, the ceiling falls down.
In a bad way.
I didn't know that.
Everyone has different strengths.
Well, what's mine, putting rick-rack on a hand towel? Noyour strength is being a super-cool East L.
chick with a hell of a knack for P.
, and a very impressive sense of color.
Come on.
I'm gonna show you how to measure a bedroom.
Om mani padme hung.
Om mani padme hung.
I like to start with the headboard, and then-- Oh, hi, guys.
Oh, so sorry, Shoshanna.
Sor--sorry, Kenny.
Who's Kenny? Kenny! You know, the studio head guy who just blew his job.
My boyfriend? (man) Oh, that jerk who's always trying to get your pictures? That's why I like you.
You're my stealth lover.
We'll go measure the atrium.
Catch you later.
Stealth lover.
That is a great title for a song.
Stealth lover, you're my good cover.
Oh! [giggling.]
What am I thinking? This is-- this is a brunch.
This is a casual, casual brunch.
I can do casual.
My boyfriend is meeting my friends, that's all.
I'm fabulous at casual.
People do it every day.
They will have things in common, things to talk about.
Don't you just hate it when it's the last game of the World Series, and you're in jail? Beaten, defeated, he climbs the stairs, knowing that Petra waits for news.
An explanation of sorts.
But all he can tell her is that the water washed their little boy away.
He removes the shoe from his-- Not the little shoe! The little shoe.
Do you think he's fashionably late, or been arrested again? Give it a rest, Joan.
No jokes like that today.
We want to make the human race look good.
[doorbell chimes.]
My party, I invited him.
[whispers inaudibly.]
For you.
Do you have a last name, Sam? Knight.
As in "in the dead of," or "in shining armor"? In shining armor.
Of course.
Come in.
I love that show.
Especially the chandelier.
Yeah, that's what you want in a musical-- a catchy light fixture.
Stop it! I hate all plays.
Everyone yells.
You've gotta try again.
Come with me.
The last one I saw had invisible props.
I mean, what's the point in imagining a fishing pole? (Rodney) I'm with Joan on this one.
I want to see my sports gear.
(Lavender) Can you even name a sport? Yeah, um-- No, speed shopping does not count.
Okay, well, then, what's the point of voting for American Idol? Oh, no, that's art.
You have to have a winner.
What's American Idol? Um (Cricket) Oh, it's a, um, talent show where anyone can sing a song and humiliate themselves.
The first part, when they go to Boise, it's like--it's like watching a train wreck.
Then, when it's narrowed down by judges who hate each other, you vote.
How do you vote for a TV show? (Lavender) You--you text-- (Jorge) Finally a man who doesn't waste his life watching reality TV.
Let's just all toss out our TVs and live like Sam, huh? You know what I mean.
Sam's a big reader.
[all react.]
Anyone want me to read anything? Sam.
Oh, that's funny.
Dessert, anyone? (Rodney) Yes.
Yes, please.
You haven't tried her crème brûlée.
Oh, it's good.
It's gonna be good.
The kiwis are really-- Hard? Well, those big, strapping kiwis.
Yeah, I know.
They're-- We call them bears, yeah.
Well, they're fuzzy, like you.
[heavy sigh.]
Mm-- May Ihelp? Oh, it's you.
It's just me.
Do you really think you're gonna be around long enough for us to become friends? No.
Don't rat me out, I'm trying.
You're not trying, You're drinking.
End of conversation.
it's me.
Right, Sam, you have an MBA? Where from? Wharton.
Oh, me too.
Wharton? Isn't that-- isn't that, like, the best business school in the country? Top three.
You wouldn't recognize the business now.
I'm sure I wouldn't.
The reason I ask, we have something at our firm.
It's pretty low-level though, but give me a call if you're interested.
(Molly) That is so nice of you.
Isn't it? I'll think about it.
What's your reservation? Is it philosophical or practical? I mean, I'm sure we can find a way to get you there.
I can get there.
It's called public transportation.
Hey, we can talk about this later.
Well, it looks like Hanks is gonna do, uh, Dutch Bureaucrat.
When in doubt, let's talk about your movie.
Kiwi or raspberry? Hey, I think I found an apartment in West Hollywood.
Oh, fantastic.
Duplex? You sure that's hip enough for Nana? Nana has her own plans.
You didn't tell me anything about that.
(Joan) Can anyone think of another word that means a native population and, um, a fruit? Why are you mad? What do you expect? (Joan) Shut up, Rodney.
I came here today, I played the part.
The part? The socially acceptable regular guy.
What more do you want from me? A man just offered you a job.
I'm just asking why you're not interested.
I can't do this.
(Molly) We'll talk about it later.
No, no, no-- there is no later.
Sam This was a-- this was a mistake.
Uh, maybe we should, uh, go.
Uh, maybe we shouldn't? Maybe we should, uh, help her, instead of trying to pretend it didn't happen.
When something happens, Jorge, you can't just pretend it didn't happen.
(Nana) Does anyone know that man standing over there? Pappy! I called the insurance company, Clarity Harbor, and the police.
And I booked a flight home.
The party's over, Joan.
[doorbell rings.]
I need a friend.
You got one.