The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s03e04 Episode Script
Super Twins
Zack, welcome to the Paul revere team.
Wear your hat with pride.
I'm not sure that's possible.
Now, Cody's our senior bag boy.
You can learn a lot from him.
Just do whatever he does.
You mean like moisturize before bed? Ha ha! Heh heh.
Heh.
Heh.
Heh.
Heh.
I'll have the last laugh when you're Speaking of which, you know, Wayne, we forgot to put Zack through the initiation ritual.
Oh, that's right.
New employees have to drink prune juice mixed with fish oil.
I'm not doin' that.
Ok.
B-but you made me do it.
You said it was an established tradition.
Well, yeah.
I've been trying to establish it for years.
You were the first person stupid enough to do it.
Disney--abc cable networks group here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life Ohh! What is this? Hey, Mr.
moseby.
Aah! Ohh.
[Clears throat.]
Guess what.
I have a new invention.
Oh, dear.
Ta-da! Ha ha! Arwin.
Oh.
Arwin! [Sputters.]
Yeah.
Ta-da Again.
It's a, uh, letter-sorting machine.
It's got a microchip in it that reads each envelope and then promptly shoots it into the appropriate cubby.
Oh, dear.
Here we go.
[Clears throat.]
[Lowers voice.]
arwin! [Whirring.]
Arwin-- oh, no.
It's just moving-- why's-- whoa! Help me.
[Screaming.]
Aah! Ohh! I got it, moseby! Hah! Hey, Mr.
moseby, look.
Airmail! Hit the red button! There is no red button! Oops.
Ohh! Ah? Huh? Huh? "Mr.
Marion moseby.
" Ooh, could I call you Mary? Would you stop it? I'm sorry.
[Groans.]
Ohh! Someone please clean up my lobby.
Tiffany, are you and your boyfriend coming to my yacht party this weekend? No.
My boyfriend winthrop barrington and I are going skiing this weekend.
We'll be staying at the barrington resort at barrington Mountain in barringtonia.
Oh.
I would've invited you, but you don't have a boyfriend, and I didn't want you to feel bad Because you don't have a boyfriend.
Actually, I do have a boyfriend.
His name is Lance.
Hey, London, check out my new goggles.
Ok, that hurt.
Who's the goofball? He's my Pool boy.
Oh, look at the time.
You two must get going.
Thanks for coming.
Ok.
Ok.
Bye.
Thanks.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Ok, bye.
Hey, how come you never introduce me to your friends? I introduced you to mine.
Look, trust me, you wouldn't like my friends.
I'm not a big fan myself.
Something's a little fishy here, and not in the good way.
I think you don't want your friends to meet me.
Ah, pfft! Puhh! Oh, please.
Look, I'll call one of them right now.
Hey, this is London.
I just wanna introduce you to my boyfriend Lance.
Um, hi.
It's nice to finally meet one of London's friends.
Lance, it's maddie.
We've met.
It's maddie.
She doesn't count.
Maddie: Hello! I can hear you.
I wanna meet your other friends, the rich, high-society ones that have different noses every time I see them.
Fine.
If it's that important to you, I'll invite them over for tea.
Look, just promise you won't say anything embarrassing like maddie does.
Maddie: Still here.
Did you just call to insult me? Thanks, sweetie.
You're the best.
Eee-ee-ee-ee.
That's "I love you" in dolphin.
[Sighs.]
I think that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
I think I'm gonna upchuck on a woodchuck.
Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? Our shoppers.
Our shoppers.
Our shoppers.
Ok, I'm not playin' anymore.
Where do you think you're going, mister? I told you, the labels have to face out.
Now go restack that aisle.
And how are my little minutemen doing? You're not the boss of me.
Yes, I am! Drop dead.
You first! That good, huh? Look, Wayne made me senior bagger.
You're just a junior trainee bagger, so you have to listen to me.
Do not.
la la la la! What are you talking about-- ok, ok! Zack! If Cody has seniority, then you do need to listen to him, and, Cody, you can be the boss without being bossy.
You're bossy.
I'm a mom.
Now do what I say.
Please, we don't need lectures at work.
Just buy your soy kabobs and go home.
I beg your-- Cody! That is not the Paul revere way to treat a lady.
She's no lady.
She's our mom.
Well, hello, mama.
So is there a papa in the picture? If not, you can look for the pot of gold at the end of the waynebow.
I'm not Irish, and you're not getting lucky.
So, what does your mystery man Lance do? He, uh, saves lives.
Oh.
He's studying to be a doctor.
[Gasps.]
A plastic surgeon? Hi, sweetie.
Honey, I told you to wear a suit.
I am wearing a suit.
Uh, not a bathing suit, a dress suit, with pockets and other nice stuff.
Well, it's got a little pocket on the inside for my keys, and it's waterproof.
So, London, you're dating your employee.
Why? I think she was first attracted to me when I taught her to blow bubbles.
Ohh! Ok, that was hot.
Well, darling, I can certainly see why you fell for him.
Actually, I think I really won her with my whale song.
It's haunting.
[Inhales deeply.]
Let's eat! Hey, what is this stuff? Caviar.
Mmm.
What's caviar? Fish eggs.
[Spits.]
Unborn baby fish! Why don't you just feed me puppies? Lance, a word, dear.
You're acting like a goofball.
I'm just being myself.
Well, don't.
Then who should I be? Someone who knows the social graces and how to behave in high society.
Otherwise, I can't take you to the gold and silver ball.
And, no, that is not something a seal bounces on his nose.
Arwin, do you know how to behave in high society? Can't talk.
Must find doctor.
By the way-- uhh! That's for you.
That pyramid is pathetic.
You're right.
I don't know why I even try.
Maybe you could show me how to do it, like you did with the apples.
Bruises in the back-- that was a great tip.
It was, wasn't it? Ok, but pay attention.
Labels out, cans even.
You know, every pyramid starts with a good foundation.
You would have made a great Egyptian.
Well, I am thinkin' about becoming a Cairo-practor.
Ha! Ha.
Get it? Cairo.
Za-zing.
What about the pointy part at the top? Show me how to do that.
Oh, I get it.
You're making me do all your work while you just sit there and eat up the merchandise.
Ok, ok.
Yeah.
Go finish it.
Wow, Zack.
Great pyramid.
You're an amazing stacker.
Thanks.
It's who I am.
It's what I do.
And, you, why are you eating the merchandise? I wasn't.
Zack was.
And he didn't stack that.
I did.
He got me to do all the work for him.
So you got someone else to do your work for you and then took credit for it? Well Nice! You have real management potential.
Thanks.
Wayne likes me better, Wayne likes me better No, he doesn't.
Hey, Zack, great job on the apples.
Bruises in back.
Heh heh heh.
I'm promoting you to head bagger.
Second verse, same as the first.
Wayne likes me better, Wayne likes me better Hey, watch it! This machine will end you, man! You have no idea! Probably be for the best.
Zack got a promotion.
Hey, that's great.
No, it's awful.
Oh, that's awful.
Awful.
Why is that awful? Because I used to be Zack's boss, and now he's mine.
Hey, hey, hey, good for Zack.
But very, very, very bad for you.
If there was only some way to impress my boss.
[Sighs.]
Hey, have you tried touching your nose with your tongue? Huh? Ready? Wait for it.
Wait for it.
Yeah Right now, all Wayne's got me doing is grunt work-- stacking and unstacking shelves.
Ohh! I know this one! I know this one! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Arwin Yes! Oh.
Oh, ok.
What if I could make you the fastest stacker and unstacker in the history of stacking? And unstacking? You do that, and you'll never have to pay full price for pretzels ever again.
Yes! Pretzels are my fifth-favorite twisted snack treat.
Let's go.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
My fault.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
My fault.
I love you, Carey.
Mr.
moseby, I really need to talk to you.
For the last time, I am not interested in how long you can hold your breath underwater.
That's not what it is.
By the way, 3 minutes and 42 seconds.
I can hold my breath for 4 minutes and 10 seconds.
Cleaning the boy's bathroom is good practice.
The real problem is I just found out that London is embarrassed by me.
[Sarcastic.]
No.
Yes.
[Scoffs.]
She-- she has this gold and silver ball coming up, and I wanna go and prove to her that I can fit in with her high-society world.
Help me.
Why are you asking me? You're stuck-up and snooty.
[Stifles laugh.]
[Chuckles.]
[Growls.]
All right, I will now teach you proper etiquette and how to comport yourself at a high-society affair.
Huh? He's gonna teach you how to talk all fancy-like.
Correct.
Now, use your imagination and pretend that Carey is a young, beautiful aristocrat.
[Snorts.]
After that, you can pretend moseby's tall enough to see over his desk.
Heh.
Focus, Carey.
Amazon freak.
[Aristocratic.]
So, launce Heh heh heh heh heh heh.
What--what's so funny? She called me "launce.
" Ooh, does that mean in the morning, I put on my paunts? Only if you live in fraunce.
Moseby: Why are you-- heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Ok, you know what? If you two are not going to take this seriously, I have more important things to do.
Oh, come on, Mr.
moseby.
Give me one more chaunce.
Oh Heh heh heh heh heh heh.
All right, all right.
Zi-zicit.
Ok.
[Inhales.]
[Aristocratic.]
So, launce, tell me.
What are your goals in life? Oh, that's easy.
I want to grow a dorsal fin and gills.
Ok, goals that don't involve you becoming a comic book character! [Sputters.]
Let's move on to the culinary arts.
Huh? [Groans.]
Food.
Now, it's important to be familiar with the menu.
They will be serving a pt de foie gras, followed by escargot and coq au vin in a roquefort reduction.
Liver, snails, and chicken with mold.
I'll eat before I go.
Good idea.
Let's talk about wardrobe.
Did you bring a suit? I don't own any nonbathing suits, so I borrowed my brother's.
He's a fat man [Calliope music playing.]
In a circus.
Hey, maddie.
It's London.
So how's camp going? Oh, swell.
Yeah, last night, somebody thought it'd be so cute to put a Wolverine in my sleeping bag.
Glad you're having fun.
On to me.
I have to break up with Lance.
I thought you liked him.
I do, but he doesn't fit in with my friends.
London, how can you expect your friends to accept Lance the way he is if you won't? Well, what should I do? Well, instead of trying to change him, why don't you try to change a little? I am not growing gills.
Ooh.
At least not until they invent diamond gill rings.
Why don't you grow a human organ first, like a heart or a brain? Gotta go.
So what's going on with London? Ah, boyfriend problems, but you guys are too young to hear about that sort of stuff.
I have a boyfriend.
I have two.
I've had 3.
I'm married.
We're separated.
You know, we're havin' a special.
Buy one, get Wayne free.
The only thing sharper than that line are your finely chiseled features.
Kissing up to the boss? Yes.
Well done.
Where's your brother? [Slow footsteps.]
Aah! There's an alien invasion! Take the boy! It's not an alien invasion.
It's a dork invasion.
What are you doing, man? Showing Wayne which one of us really deserves to be the senior bagger.
This baby will improve stacking efficiency by 50%.
Actually it's, uh, 55%.
Just a little something I threw together from an old letter sorter I had layin' around.
Ooh, look! Sugar boogers! Hey, guys, check this out.
[Whirring.]
See? Stacks twice as much.
Excellent.
You haven't seen anything yet.
See? Turns labels out, too.
Whew.
Thanks.
Gentle enough to handle ripe tomatoes, and It has amazing dexterity.
Mmm.
Tasty.
Plus, that was only half speed.
Watch this.
Uh-oh.
That can't be good.
Aah! Cody, quit it.
I-I'm not doin' it.
I don't know what's wrong with this thing.
Get back! Get back! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, that's how you want it, eh? Well, bring it on.
[Screaming.]
Aah! It's getting fresh with me! Hit the red button! There is no red button! I always forget the red button.
I'll save you, Wayne! Arwin, stop this crazy thing.
Yuhh! Ok, I'm goin' in! Stop this thing, arwin! I'm tryin'! Yaah! [Powers down.]
Cody, I've got a better way to improve the store.
You're fired.
Do--do the tongue thing.
[Piano playing.]
Wait until you see London's boyfriend.
He is such a goof.
[Music similar to James Bond theme plays.]
[Aristocratic.]
Good evening, ladies, gentlemen.
It's fishman Launce fishman.
It's so lovely to be at the daunce.
Wow.
Lance, you clean up good.
I believe it's "well.
" By, George, I think he's got it.
George had nothing to do with it.
It was all me.
Perchaunce have you seen London? I got a message she'd meet me here.
Oh, who needs her? Winthrop, go to the bathroom.
Taylor, go with him.
Oh, my.
Tiffany: London? Oh, hi, guys.
Uh, have you seen Lance? I'm right here.
Wow.
You look like a million bucks.
And trust me, I know what that looks like.
What are you wearing that for? It's a black-tie event, honey.
She must have just come from her yacht.
No.
I dressed this way on purpose.
Oh, London, how droll of you.
Who are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend? I made him someone you could be proud of, and I changed his name to launce.
Look, you didn't have to do all of that.
I dressed this way so you wouldn't feel out of place with my snobby, obnoxious friends.
Oh, no offense, girls.
None taken.
You pegged it.
You are the sweetest.
No, you're the sweetest.
It's just so romantic.
You don't get out much, do you, Mr.
moseby? No.
Didn't think so.
Sweetie, you don't have to change for me.
Although, I do love that suit.
And I love your flip-flops.
And I love your cuff links.
I love your floaties.
[Chamber music playing.]
They look so happy together.
I think I might date one of my employees.
I think I'll date my chauffer.
I wonder what the front of his head looks like.
Well, Zack, you're the head bagger.
Although, without me, there is no head bagger.
Ironic, huh? I'll tell you what's ironic.
You get fired, and I have to clean up your mess.
[Whirring.]
Well, maybe this'll teach you two not to be so competitive.
Boy, did you guys screw up.
Of course, that's just one 4-armed man's opinion.
Well, see ya.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wayne, look, I know Cody messed up, and he's annoying, and he micromanages, and he snores.
I lost my point.
Cody messing up.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, give him another chance.
We need worker bees around here.
You're not gonna find another gem like him.
You're right.
Cody, I'm hiring you back.
You are? You're the head bag boy again.
What? No.
No.
That's what got us into trouble.
How 'bout we work as equals? You mean equal with each other, right? 'Cause to me, you're just my personal helper monkeys.
Understood.
Fine by me.
Give me a high-twenty.
Whoo!
Wear your hat with pride.
I'm not sure that's possible.
Now, Cody's our senior bag boy.
You can learn a lot from him.
Just do whatever he does.
You mean like moisturize before bed? Ha ha! Heh heh.
Heh.
Heh.
Heh.
Heh.
I'll have the last laugh when you're Speaking of which, you know, Wayne, we forgot to put Zack through the initiation ritual.
Oh, that's right.
New employees have to drink prune juice mixed with fish oil.
I'm not doin' that.
Ok.
B-but you made me do it.
You said it was an established tradition.
Well, yeah.
I've been trying to establish it for years.
You were the first person stupid enough to do it.
Disney--abc cable networks group here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life Ohh! What is this? Hey, Mr.
moseby.
Aah! Ohh.
[Clears throat.]
Guess what.
I have a new invention.
Oh, dear.
Ta-da! Ha ha! Arwin.
Oh.
Arwin! [Sputters.]
Yeah.
Ta-da Again.
It's a, uh, letter-sorting machine.
It's got a microchip in it that reads each envelope and then promptly shoots it into the appropriate cubby.
Oh, dear.
Here we go.
[Clears throat.]
[Lowers voice.]
arwin! [Whirring.]
Arwin-- oh, no.
It's just moving-- why's-- whoa! Help me.
[Screaming.]
Aah! Ohh! I got it, moseby! Hah! Hey, Mr.
moseby, look.
Airmail! Hit the red button! There is no red button! Oops.
Ohh! Ah? Huh? Huh? "Mr.
Marion moseby.
" Ooh, could I call you Mary? Would you stop it? I'm sorry.
[Groans.]
Ohh! Someone please clean up my lobby.
Tiffany, are you and your boyfriend coming to my yacht party this weekend? No.
My boyfriend winthrop barrington and I are going skiing this weekend.
We'll be staying at the barrington resort at barrington Mountain in barringtonia.
Oh.
I would've invited you, but you don't have a boyfriend, and I didn't want you to feel bad Because you don't have a boyfriend.
Actually, I do have a boyfriend.
His name is Lance.
Hey, London, check out my new goggles.
Ok, that hurt.
Who's the goofball? He's my Pool boy.
Oh, look at the time.
You two must get going.
Thanks for coming.
Ok.
Ok.
Bye.
Thanks.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Ok, bye.
Hey, how come you never introduce me to your friends? I introduced you to mine.
Look, trust me, you wouldn't like my friends.
I'm not a big fan myself.
Something's a little fishy here, and not in the good way.
I think you don't want your friends to meet me.
Ah, pfft! Puhh! Oh, please.
Look, I'll call one of them right now.
Hey, this is London.
I just wanna introduce you to my boyfriend Lance.
Um, hi.
It's nice to finally meet one of London's friends.
Lance, it's maddie.
We've met.
It's maddie.
She doesn't count.
Maddie: Hello! I can hear you.
I wanna meet your other friends, the rich, high-society ones that have different noses every time I see them.
Fine.
If it's that important to you, I'll invite them over for tea.
Look, just promise you won't say anything embarrassing like maddie does.
Maddie: Still here.
Did you just call to insult me? Thanks, sweetie.
You're the best.
Eee-ee-ee-ee.
That's "I love you" in dolphin.
[Sighs.]
I think that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
I think I'm gonna upchuck on a woodchuck.
Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.
Who cares? Who cares? Who cares? Our shoppers.
Our shoppers.
Our shoppers.
Ok, I'm not playin' anymore.
Where do you think you're going, mister? I told you, the labels have to face out.
Now go restack that aisle.
And how are my little minutemen doing? You're not the boss of me.
Yes, I am! Drop dead.
You first! That good, huh? Look, Wayne made me senior bagger.
You're just a junior trainee bagger, so you have to listen to me.
Do not.
la la la la! What are you talking about-- ok, ok! Zack! If Cody has seniority, then you do need to listen to him, and, Cody, you can be the boss without being bossy.
You're bossy.
I'm a mom.
Now do what I say.
Please, we don't need lectures at work.
Just buy your soy kabobs and go home.
I beg your-- Cody! That is not the Paul revere way to treat a lady.
She's no lady.
She's our mom.
Well, hello, mama.
So is there a papa in the picture? If not, you can look for the pot of gold at the end of the waynebow.
I'm not Irish, and you're not getting lucky.
So, what does your mystery man Lance do? He, uh, saves lives.
Oh.
He's studying to be a doctor.
[Gasps.]
A plastic surgeon? Hi, sweetie.
Honey, I told you to wear a suit.
I am wearing a suit.
Uh, not a bathing suit, a dress suit, with pockets and other nice stuff.
Well, it's got a little pocket on the inside for my keys, and it's waterproof.
So, London, you're dating your employee.
Why? I think she was first attracted to me when I taught her to blow bubbles.
Ohh! Ok, that was hot.
Well, darling, I can certainly see why you fell for him.
Actually, I think I really won her with my whale song.
It's haunting.
[Inhales deeply.]
Let's eat! Hey, what is this stuff? Caviar.
Mmm.
What's caviar? Fish eggs.
[Spits.]
Unborn baby fish! Why don't you just feed me puppies? Lance, a word, dear.
You're acting like a goofball.
I'm just being myself.
Well, don't.
Then who should I be? Someone who knows the social graces and how to behave in high society.
Otherwise, I can't take you to the gold and silver ball.
And, no, that is not something a seal bounces on his nose.
Arwin, do you know how to behave in high society? Can't talk.
Must find doctor.
By the way-- uhh! That's for you.
That pyramid is pathetic.
You're right.
I don't know why I even try.
Maybe you could show me how to do it, like you did with the apples.
Bruises in the back-- that was a great tip.
It was, wasn't it? Ok, but pay attention.
Labels out, cans even.
You know, every pyramid starts with a good foundation.
You would have made a great Egyptian.
Well, I am thinkin' about becoming a Cairo-practor.
Ha! Ha.
Get it? Cairo.
Za-zing.
What about the pointy part at the top? Show me how to do that.
Oh, I get it.
You're making me do all your work while you just sit there and eat up the merchandise.
Ok, ok.
Yeah.
Go finish it.
Wow, Zack.
Great pyramid.
You're an amazing stacker.
Thanks.
It's who I am.
It's what I do.
And, you, why are you eating the merchandise? I wasn't.
Zack was.
And he didn't stack that.
I did.
He got me to do all the work for him.
So you got someone else to do your work for you and then took credit for it? Well Nice! You have real management potential.
Thanks.
Wayne likes me better, Wayne likes me better No, he doesn't.
Hey, Zack, great job on the apples.
Bruises in back.
Heh heh heh.
I'm promoting you to head bagger.
Second verse, same as the first.
Wayne likes me better, Wayne likes me better Hey, watch it! This machine will end you, man! You have no idea! Probably be for the best.
Zack got a promotion.
Hey, that's great.
No, it's awful.
Oh, that's awful.
Awful.
Why is that awful? Because I used to be Zack's boss, and now he's mine.
Hey, hey, hey, good for Zack.
But very, very, very bad for you.
If there was only some way to impress my boss.
[Sighs.]
Hey, have you tried touching your nose with your tongue? Huh? Ready? Wait for it.
Wait for it.
Yeah Right now, all Wayne's got me doing is grunt work-- stacking and unstacking shelves.
Ohh! I know this one! I know this one! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Pick me! Arwin Yes! Oh.
Oh, ok.
What if I could make you the fastest stacker and unstacker in the history of stacking? And unstacking? You do that, and you'll never have to pay full price for pretzels ever again.
Yes! Pretzels are my fifth-favorite twisted snack treat.
Let's go.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
My fault.
Excuse me.
Pardon me.
My fault.
I love you, Carey.
Mr.
moseby, I really need to talk to you.
For the last time, I am not interested in how long you can hold your breath underwater.
That's not what it is.
By the way, 3 minutes and 42 seconds.
I can hold my breath for 4 minutes and 10 seconds.
Cleaning the boy's bathroom is good practice.
The real problem is I just found out that London is embarrassed by me.
[Sarcastic.]
No.
Yes.
[Scoffs.]
She-- she has this gold and silver ball coming up, and I wanna go and prove to her that I can fit in with her high-society world.
Help me.
Why are you asking me? You're stuck-up and snooty.
[Stifles laugh.]
[Chuckles.]
[Growls.]
All right, I will now teach you proper etiquette and how to comport yourself at a high-society affair.
Huh? He's gonna teach you how to talk all fancy-like.
Correct.
Now, use your imagination and pretend that Carey is a young, beautiful aristocrat.
[Snorts.]
After that, you can pretend moseby's tall enough to see over his desk.
Heh.
Focus, Carey.
Amazon freak.
[Aristocratic.]
So, launce Heh heh heh heh heh heh.
What--what's so funny? She called me "launce.
" Ooh, does that mean in the morning, I put on my paunts? Only if you live in fraunce.
Moseby: Why are you-- heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.
Ok, you know what? If you two are not going to take this seriously, I have more important things to do.
Oh, come on, Mr.
moseby.
Give me one more chaunce.
Oh Heh heh heh heh heh heh.
All right, all right.
Zi-zicit.
Ok.
[Inhales.]
[Aristocratic.]
So, launce, tell me.
What are your goals in life? Oh, that's easy.
I want to grow a dorsal fin and gills.
Ok, goals that don't involve you becoming a comic book character! [Sputters.]
Let's move on to the culinary arts.
Huh? [Groans.]
Food.
Now, it's important to be familiar with the menu.
They will be serving a pt de foie gras, followed by escargot and coq au vin in a roquefort reduction.
Liver, snails, and chicken with mold.
I'll eat before I go.
Good idea.
Let's talk about wardrobe.
Did you bring a suit? I don't own any nonbathing suits, so I borrowed my brother's.
He's a fat man [Calliope music playing.]
In a circus.
Hey, maddie.
It's London.
So how's camp going? Oh, swell.
Yeah, last night, somebody thought it'd be so cute to put a Wolverine in my sleeping bag.
Glad you're having fun.
On to me.
I have to break up with Lance.
I thought you liked him.
I do, but he doesn't fit in with my friends.
London, how can you expect your friends to accept Lance the way he is if you won't? Well, what should I do? Well, instead of trying to change him, why don't you try to change a little? I am not growing gills.
Ooh.
At least not until they invent diamond gill rings.
Why don't you grow a human organ first, like a heart or a brain? Gotta go.
So what's going on with London? Ah, boyfriend problems, but you guys are too young to hear about that sort of stuff.
I have a boyfriend.
I have two.
I've had 3.
I'm married.
We're separated.
You know, we're havin' a special.
Buy one, get Wayne free.
The only thing sharper than that line are your finely chiseled features.
Kissing up to the boss? Yes.
Well done.
Where's your brother? [Slow footsteps.]
Aah! There's an alien invasion! Take the boy! It's not an alien invasion.
It's a dork invasion.
What are you doing, man? Showing Wayne which one of us really deserves to be the senior bagger.
This baby will improve stacking efficiency by 50%.
Actually it's, uh, 55%.
Just a little something I threw together from an old letter sorter I had layin' around.
Ooh, look! Sugar boogers! Hey, guys, check this out.
[Whirring.]
See? Stacks twice as much.
Excellent.
You haven't seen anything yet.
See? Turns labels out, too.
Whew.
Thanks.
Gentle enough to handle ripe tomatoes, and It has amazing dexterity.
Mmm.
Tasty.
Plus, that was only half speed.
Watch this.
Uh-oh.
That can't be good.
Aah! Cody, quit it.
I-I'm not doin' it.
I don't know what's wrong with this thing.
Get back! Get back! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Oh, that's how you want it, eh? Well, bring it on.
[Screaming.]
Aah! It's getting fresh with me! Hit the red button! There is no red button! I always forget the red button.
I'll save you, Wayne! Arwin, stop this crazy thing.
Yuhh! Ok, I'm goin' in! Stop this thing, arwin! I'm tryin'! Yaah! [Powers down.]
Cody, I've got a better way to improve the store.
You're fired.
Do--do the tongue thing.
[Piano playing.]
Wait until you see London's boyfriend.
He is such a goof.
[Music similar to James Bond theme plays.]
[Aristocratic.]
Good evening, ladies, gentlemen.
It's fishman Launce fishman.
It's so lovely to be at the daunce.
Wow.
Lance, you clean up good.
I believe it's "well.
" By, George, I think he's got it.
George had nothing to do with it.
It was all me.
Perchaunce have you seen London? I got a message she'd meet me here.
Oh, who needs her? Winthrop, go to the bathroom.
Taylor, go with him.
Oh, my.
Tiffany: London? Oh, hi, guys.
Uh, have you seen Lance? I'm right here.
Wow.
You look like a million bucks.
And trust me, I know what that looks like.
What are you wearing that for? It's a black-tie event, honey.
She must have just come from her yacht.
No.
I dressed this way on purpose.
Oh, London, how droll of you.
Who are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend? I made him someone you could be proud of, and I changed his name to launce.
Look, you didn't have to do all of that.
I dressed this way so you wouldn't feel out of place with my snobby, obnoxious friends.
Oh, no offense, girls.
None taken.
You pegged it.
You are the sweetest.
No, you're the sweetest.
It's just so romantic.
You don't get out much, do you, Mr.
moseby? No.
Didn't think so.
Sweetie, you don't have to change for me.
Although, I do love that suit.
And I love your flip-flops.
And I love your cuff links.
I love your floaties.
[Chamber music playing.]
They look so happy together.
I think I might date one of my employees.
I think I'll date my chauffer.
I wonder what the front of his head looks like.
Well, Zack, you're the head bagger.
Although, without me, there is no head bagger.
Ironic, huh? I'll tell you what's ironic.
You get fired, and I have to clean up your mess.
[Whirring.]
Well, maybe this'll teach you two not to be so competitive.
Boy, did you guys screw up.
Of course, that's just one 4-armed man's opinion.
Well, see ya.
Hey, wait a minute.
Wayne, look, I know Cody messed up, and he's annoying, and he micromanages, and he snores.
I lost my point.
Cody messing up.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, give him another chance.
We need worker bees around here.
You're not gonna find another gem like him.
You're right.
Cody, I'm hiring you back.
You are? You're the head bag boy again.
What? No.
No.
That's what got us into trouble.
How 'bout we work as equals? You mean equal with each other, right? 'Cause to me, you're just my personal helper monkeys.
Understood.
Fine by me.
Give me a high-twenty.
Whoo!