The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s03e12 Episode Script

Arwinstein

Hey, arwin, break out your chainsaw.
I need help carving my Zack-o-lantern.
At least when you stick a candle in his head, he'll be bright.
[Laughs.]
Hey, wait a minute.
I wonder where arwin is.
Hey, he got a brand-new picture of mom.
Whoa! Yeah, you're right.
Her make-up's all wrong.
She's a winter, and she needs to embrace it.
Zack? Zack? Where are you? Zack: I'm behind the bookcase.
It won't budge.
Wait, mom's picture.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, she's a winter.
Get me out of here now.
No, I think the bookcase opened when I picked it up.
Ow.
Zack? Zack? Where are you? Right here.
So, books never hurt anyone, huh? Wow.
A secret room! Aah! Well, apparently the spiders know about it.
Ooh, what's behind that secret door? Uh.
Hoo hoo.
Zack, I know reading isn't your strong point, but that sign says "danger.
Keep out.
" What's the worst that could be in there? It's probably just a teeny tiny mouse.
[Growling.]
With a nasty chest cold.
Well, maybe he needs some vitamin c.
[Breathing heavily.]
Aah! What a baby.
Well, I think my baby brother put it best when he said-- aah! Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life Hear me, hear me.
I have an announcement that will make your humdrum lives a little less humdrumier.
I'm having a Halloween party, and I want all of you to be there.
Ohh! Serving food and drinks to my friends.
Oh, oh! I cannot think of anything better to do.
But I'm gonna spend the night trying.
You know, I'd love to, but I'm taking my fish trick or treating.
He's dressing up as a cat.
I just don't want to go.
There's going to be a costume contest, and the winner gets diamonds.
Whoo! I'm there! Oh, I can't believe I'm gonna miss London's Halloween party to visit mother.
Last year I had a costume that scared the bejeebies out of the entire staff.
Oh, yeah? What did you go as? You! Dun-dun-dun! I had a tiny little suit and a tiny little nametag.
Oh, and I got down on my tiny little knees.
I was like, "Esteban, pick up that luggage.
Ding! "Arwin, fix that radiator.
Ding! Boys, stop having fun.
" Ding.
Maybe next year you can go as an unemployed hotel engineer.
Ding.
Arwin! There's something in the basement in your secret room.
I don't know anything about a secret room.
The one behind the bookcase.
I don't know anything about a bookcase.
Arwin? I don't know any arwin.
Ok, come here.
Listen, whatever you do, do not go beyond the creepy gate inside the creepy room behind the creepy bookcase that I know nothing about.
Bu-- da-da-da! It's a matter of life And death.
Have a nice day.
Don't step on that! Don'tStep on that.
Why you wearing a bike helmet? 'Cause mom says always to wear it when we do something dangerous.
That thing could be an alligator that crawled in from the sewers.
Alligators can't peel oranges.
Maybe it's a monkey.
OrMaybe it's both.
Maybe it's a monkey-gator.
Or an alligonkey.
Right.
Like in fifth grade when you swore you saw a vamp-poodle.
Well, let's open it up and see.
Ok, it's one of these two.
I still think we shouldn't disturb it.
Especially this close to lunch.
We're not going to disturb it.
We're gonna catch it, teach it how to skateboard, sell tickets, and make a fortune.
Are you sure this trap is going to work? Positive.
This is a cherokee trigger snare.
Guaranteed to catch any simple-minded creature that comes close to it.
We can only hope the alligonkey is as simple-minded as you are.
Get me out of this thing.
Ok.
Well, you got to stop struggling, and maybe-- I'm trying to.
I--the key is caught, the key is caught.
Oh, that's why.
Ok, well, if you'd stop struggling-- I'm trying not to struggle, but it doesn't work.
A key caught is a key caught.
No, it's not caught.
Thanks.
I didn't do anything.
[Growling.]
Cody? Did you just growl? No.
Did you? Uh-uh.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Stuck.
[Both panting.]
Well, at least it wasn't an alligonkey.
Oh, miss London.
Which of these do you think is the scariest? The one in the middle.
Have you ever heard of moisturizer? Miss London, what is the scariest thing you've ever seen? Portia tenenbaum without makeup.
London, about the costume contest-- sorry, the only way to win my contest is to have a great costume.
Just be creative.
[Gasps.]
Like Carey, the hopelessly haggard housewife.
Great costume.
I just went out for a jog.
Why would you jog in your costume? Both: Help! Help! Help! Help! We're saved.
Unless it's the monster.
We're doomed.
Man: Aah! Push harder.
Arwin: Guys, it's me.
Oh.
Whoa! Uhh.
Who said books never hurt anybody? Arwin, what are you doing here? Well, there are One is evolution.
The other-- no, we mean here in the basement.
Oh, well, I came back from mother's early because I thought you two would try to see what's behind-- oh! The open gate! Oh, no! Who opened the gate? Why did you two come down here after I told you not to? Well, we thought you might have an alligonkey back there.
Oh, that's ridiculous.
I tried that once and it ate itself.
Whatever it was, it kind of looked like you.
It all started on a Tuesday.
No, you know what, it was a Monday.
No, it was a-- you know what it was? I think it was a long weekend, so it was a Tuesday that felt-- both: Arwin! It was early in the week.
You mean to tell us that that thing that we saw was actually a robot? And you built it from scratch? Well, I don't know if you'd call it scratch.
I got a kit out of a cereal box.
To construct my creation, I used the latest in robotic technology.
[Machine whirs.]
Ha ha! [Humming.]
[Timer dings.]
Here we go, big guy.
[Grunts.]
Ha ha! [Beeping.]
Yah! Wrong switch.
Oh! [Electricity zapping.]
Yes! He's moving.
He's moving.
Or we're having an earthquake.
No, no, no, he's moving.
He's moving! [Beeping.]
He's alive! He's alive! He's alive! He's walking.
He's walk--oh! You know what, my fault.
I forgot, finishing touch.
Come here.
Come here.
[Groans.]
Come on, come here.
Come here, come here, big guy.
Here you go.
Wait.
Hold on, hold on.
Ready? Ready? Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Oh.
Huh? Huh? Yeah.
[Growls.]
Yeah.
Ahh! Yeah.
Ok.
Ok.
What? Oh, you want a little toast? Aah! Or a toaster.
That's fine.
Lots of iron.
Ok, good boy.
Ok, ok.
Aah! Aah-aah! No light bulbs until you finish your toaster.
[Whines.]
Well, life isn't fair.
Gah! Aah! Do you want a timeout? Goh.
I was so proud of my little arwinstein.
Ahh, but unfortunately, I couldn't work out all the kinks.
Kinks? What kinks? Oh, pssh.
Nothing major.
He has a lurch when he walks.
One of his ears is a little crooked.
And occasionally he goes into an unstoppable rampage and destroys everything in his path.
Occasionally? Only when he sees bright flashes of light.
And broccoli.
I feel the same way about cauliflower.
Oh, for me it's brussels sprouts.
Hey, hey.
Can we return to this episode of my least favorite vegetable after we capture the monster that's somewhere in the hotel? You're right, you're right.
But don't even get me started on kale.
Whoo! We'll be here all night.
Monster! Right.
Let's go.
[Screams.]
Oh! Aah! Aah! Oh, it's you, arwin.
Good costume.
Aah! You're welcome.
Arwin, back from your mother's.
How was it? Arr! Oh, you've said a mouthful.
That's how I feel after I visit my mother.
[Growls.]
Arwin, what are you doing? That's my pen.
Hey, arwin.
There you are.
Arr! Arr we here to tell you that the pipes need fixing? Yes, we arr.
Arr! Ok.
[Whispering.]
Ok, let's go.
[Clang.]
How we gonna move him? I got an idea.
He loves oranges.
Oh, you're right.
Come on, boy.
Ahh! Ahh! He's right.
That's a tangelo, an aromatic hybrid of a tangerine and a pomelo.
And you're a nork-- an annoying hybrid of a nerd and a dork.
Ha ha ha! You see, he agrees with me.
Come on, boy.
Ahh.
Ahh! This robot is amazing.
The attention to details, the elaborate circuitry, the cybernetic matrix.
Zack: He's eating a flower.
Let's see if we can access his verbal subroutines.
Huh? Get him to talk.
Oh.
Oh.
[Clears throat.]
Say "Cody.
" Arr! Let me give it a shot.
What letter comes after "q"? Arr! You see, you were just asking him all the wrong questions.
Now, forget talking.
Let's teach him how to sing and dance so we can make some money off of him.
You are not going to put arwinstein on display.
You know, you got to treat him with some dignity.
[Soda hisses.]
Hey, guys.
[Gasps.]
Mom.
Uh, we didn't know you were home.
Oh, yeah.
I'm here working on my Halloween costume.
What do you think? I'm static cling.
Ahh.
Uh-ah.
[Growls.]
Thank you.
Hey, guys, London invited you to the party, too.
Why aren't you putting on your costumes? Uh, we're wearing them.
Mr.
moseby says we're scary enough as it is.
I better keep working on me.
It stinks.
Especially compared to yours, arwin.
I need a picture of this.
Boys: Uh, no.
Aah! [Growls.]
[Crash.]
Somebody doesn't like having his picture taken.
[Dance music playing.]
[Indistinct chatter.]
Daah! Aah! Ha ha ha.
[Gasps.]
Hey, Carey.
When are you gonna put on your costume? Right after I grab a snack.
'Kay.
'Kay.
So much for winning the costume contest.
Great costume, moseby.
What are you? Well, I'm the bottom half of a horse.
My head's home with a head cold.
Now I'm just a horse's-- never mind.
What a pretty princess costume.
Oh, it's not a costume.
It came with the country I bought.
[Gasps.]
Wanna be my prime minister? Ok.
Ding! Dingbat.
Hey.
Hey! Can you hand me some candy? Some candy? [Chuckles.]
All right, but it'll go right through you.
I'll handle the jokes.
What do you mean, that didn't tickle your funny bone? Seriously, you're annoying me.
Ok.
Hear me, hear me.
It is time to start the costume contest.
Dazzle me people and creatures.
Line up over here.
[Indistinct chatter.]
Stop it! [Scoffs.]
Real original, Esteban.
Abraham Lincoln? Next! I am the mighty lobster.
I'm allergic to you.
Next! I am corn.
Hello, corn.
And what are you dressed as today? UhCorn.
With no butter? [Scoffs.]
Next! Aah! Aah! [Indistinct chatter.]
Whoo! Ahh.
Aah! Ahh, yeah, know what you mean.
I hate broccoli, too.
If I eat one piece of that candy, this dress will pop right open.
Aah! Clich.
Using your own warts? That's cheating.
Next! Arwin, you're gonna miss the costume contest.
Ahh.
Oh, don't be shy.
You look great.
It'll be fun.
Ahh.
Aah! Aah! Great costume, arwin.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! [Giggles.]
Ok, we have to find that monster.
We're never going to find him.
Found him.
Ooh, shiny.
I like it.
Aah! London: And the winner of the costume contest is Arwin! [Applause.]
Oh, well.
Always a zombie bridesmaid, never a zombie bride.
Congratulations, arwin.
Thank you.
Wait, if you're here, then who's that? Ok, it's time to get a picture with our contest winner.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not a picture! Aah! Aah! [Crowd screaming.]
[Growling.]
[Screaming.]
You mean I was talking to a real monster? No, no, no, no.
He's not a monster.
He's a robot.
[Growls.]
Aah! That sounds a lot like a monster.
I'll stop him! [Growls.]
Aah! [Thud.]
Carey, run! [Growls.]
Like this! Aah! Mr.
moseby! [Growls.]
Aah! [Growling.]
Aah! Well, on the bright side, mom, someone finally swept you off your feet.
Everybody, after the monster! Now Technically, not a monster.
Robot.
Very monsterish robot.
[Growls.]
[Groaning.]
I know, I know.
I gained a few pounds.
I go jogging every day.
Ahh? Would you believe Ahh? Ok, I went yesterday.
Are you all right? You want me to get you a glass of water? Or motor oil? Ahh! Ok.
Ahh! There he is.
Get him! Get him! [Crowd shouting.]
Stop it! No! I'm telling you, he's harmless.
It's true, he's really sweet.
He ate Carey! I'm right here.
And apparently she didn't agree with him.
Man: Get him! Arwin: No, no, no! No, no! Leave him alone! Can't you see he's just afraid? He may not be human, but he still has feelings.
Wow.
This from a guy who wanted to turn him into a sideshow freak? Well, I was wrong, ok? Underneath all those nuts and bolts there's a wonderful, warm heart.
Actually, it's a coffee maker.
Uh, but lovely thought.
Keep going.
He may not have hurt Carey this time, but I can't have him running around my hotel causing havoc.
I have you two for that.
Arwin, dismantle him immediately.
Yeah! Yeah! Aah! No, you can't.
No, boys, Mr.
moseby may be right.
I think maybe my little arwinstein has too many glitches.
[Whines.]
Dadda.
He said his first word.
Actually, his first word was "arr.
" But still, aw.
Aw.
Son, I can't dismantle you.
I mean, everybody has glitches, right? So, can we keep him, Mr.
moseby? Yeah, can we? Well Arwinstein: Fr FrFr Friend.
Aw, he likes you.
Oh.
All right, the big lugnut can stay.
[All cheering.]
Just until we find another home for him.
Ha ha ha! Arwin! Start making calls! Now! I'm on it.
Whoa.
Ha ha ha! [Rap music playing.]
Wow, arwinstein is really good at doing the robot.
That's because he is a robot.
Oh, right.
Ha ha.
Hey, great news.
Mother wants arwinstein to come stay with her.
Aah! No, no, no, no.
You'll love her.
She's got the cutest little refrigerator.
[Whistles.]
Heh, you two are gonna get along great.
[Growls.]
Well, I'm gonna miss you, big guy.
[Clang.]
Ow! [Clang.]
Ow.
[Clang.]
[Growls.]

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