The Syndicate (2012) s03e01 Episode Script
Dawn
1 You know I've won if I only could Yes, it's all All or nothing Oh, ooh, oh, oh All or nothing Oh, ooh, oh, oh All or nothing For me.
SEAGULLS CAW DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE SHE TUTS AND SIGHS Andy! Alarm hasn't gone off! What? Andy, we've slept in.
Andy! What? Oh, shit.
KNOCK ON DOOR Amy? Amy, it's quarter past eight! Get up! We're late.
Oh, what?! Why didn't you set alarm?! Noah! Come on, son, get up.
We're late! Come on, son, move it! We're leaving, Amy! I'll be two seconds! You'll be walking if you don't hurry up! Come on! ENGINE SPLUTTERS Not again.
Bloody car.
HE SIGHS Not today.
Not today! ~ Where is it? ~ Down there.
Amy! Is she coming?! Amy! For God's sake! Noah, we're going to have to give it a shove.
You all right? One, two What's wrong with it? It's a bloody heap.
It's embarrassing! Right, Amy, come on, you as well, sharpish! ~ Keith?! ~ Hiya.
~ Keith, mate, come and give us a hand.
~ No problem.
I've bloody flooded it again.
~ I can't push, not in my state.
~ Right.
One, two, three ~ Thanks, Keith.
~ Come on.
~ All right, lad, come on.
~ Go on, that's it.
NOAH: Shit, it's not going to go! We're 20 minutes late.
You're 17, you can always set the alarm on your phone and get yourself up.
I've been awake half the night with indigestion.
That's your fault for getting pregnant.
It's no-one's fault, Amy! We didn't plan it, these things just happen, so get over it.
Keep going.
Keep going! ENGINE SPLUTTERS AND WHIRS ~ Go on.
Go on.
~ Yes! ~ Yes! My school first, I've got me exam! Thank you! Hurry up! Once you've dropped off Noah, you'll have to take us straight to work.
No, we've got to get flowers first, remember? What's them on your legs? Stockings? No, they're tights.
They look like stockings to me.
And your skirt is very short! ~ You can practically see your knickers.
~ Shut up, Mum! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not on me table.
You need to pluck them while they're still warm.
I were preparing pheasants before you shot out ~ your father's cock, sweetheart.
~ Sorry.
There isn't a thing you can tell me about cooking food.
Except how to make a cheese souffle.
I've made plenty of souffles in my time, love.
I just wanted to check something.
You try making supper to impress on less than a tenner a head.
It's bloody tough.
I'm not saying anything.
This recipe says you need star anise I don't need a recipe, OK? I was wondering where Dawn and Amy were? I don't think she's feeling very well with the baby.
I know they were stopping off to pick flowers up.
Well, they're half an hour late and the candlesticks and the silver in the dining room need cleaning.
We should wheel the oil radiators in there to take the chill off the room before this evening.
~ I'll do that as soon as I've finished winding up the clocks.
~ Thank you.
Oh, and by the way, I think Spencer was looking for you.
And I wondered if you and Amy would take our American guests' coats and serve drinks as they arrive? I was going to meet and greet, Lady Hazelwood.
That's fine.
It doesn't matter who does it, so long as it happens.
I don't suppose we could run to canapes? Not on a tenner a head! OK, fine.
I'll leave it with you.
Canapes - what does she think I am, bloody Wonder Woman?! Ring Dawn.
Find out where the hell they are! I did that one myself.
~ I did.
~ What does it taste like? I scream, you scream What's up? Bollocks! Right.
Where are you going? Just give me a second.
Right, why don't they just get Godfrey to bring the flowers in from the garden? Cos Lady Hazelwood likes exotic flowers for the house.
~ PHONE RINGS ~ I thought you said they were broke?! It's not like you and me being broke, Andy.
This'll be Sarah wondering where we are.
Hiya.
Yeah, sorry.
We're on our way.
Alarm didn't go off and car wouldn't start.
Lady Hazelwood's on the rampage, she was asking where you were.
~ Check Amy's wearing something suitable to serve in! ~ I can't hear, Mum! ~ Look, it's important.
~ I told her you weren't feeling well.
~ I'll need her to go to the shop an' all.
~ All right! We're just getting the flowers now.
We'll be five minutes.
I don't know, I'll have to check with her.
God! It couldn't have happened on a worse day.
Got the Americans coming for the grouse shooting this afternoon and the house has to be perfect.
You should've dropped me off before Noah.
I need a new bloody battery for the car.
~ How much is that? ~ Plenty! ~ KNOCK ON WINDOW ~ Where is she? She's in the florist, but she can't talk, she's late! What the bloody hell does he want? I thought we told her not to see him any more.
~ Hiya.
~ Don't let me tear you away from your girlfriends.
They're not me girlfriends.
They just work on fish stalls, yeah? Just asking if we had any change.
Yeah, sure(!) Boot's locked, Dad! Yeah, well, I can't take the keys out cos the car might not start again.
~ Get out the way.
~ Get in the car, Amy! Just hurry up.
Come on.
Lady H has been asking for us.
And you must've told Julie you'd wait on, she wants to know have you brought something to wear? No, I haven't cos you were rushing me.
What's she going to do, sack me? I don't want to work there anyway.
Right, you're lucky you've got a job.
It's not a job, it's just temp work.
~ ALARM BLARES ~ Ah, lifeboat alarm.
I'm going to have to leg it.
~ Are you going to talk to me? ~ No, cos I've got nowt to say to you ~ and you're going get me in trouble now.
~ Why? Cos I'm banned from seeing you, so get off me! ~ But I want to talk to you! ~ Well, you can't cos I've got to go to work! ~ What about after you've finished work? ~ Watch me lips! I don't want to see your face and I don't want to talk to you ever again! Right, you! Leave her alone! And don't you come near her again or I'm going to call the police.
And I mean it.
What have I told you about seeing him?! I'm not seeing him and it's not my fault, so get off me back! If it's 150, the greatest percentage in a 6-49 combination has got to be 165,772.
~ That means ~ HORN BEEPS Amy! Amy! Dawn! Amy! Amy! Dawn! Dawn! You haven't bought the lottery ticket yet have you, Dawn? ~ Dawn, the lottery tickets? ~ Morning, Godfrey.
I've worked it all out.
If we do three lines each Yes, can you just help her with the flowers? I've got to park the car round there.
~ I know where I've been going wrong.
~ Right.
~ The most probable range is between 150 and 140 ~ Right.
You're looking exceedingly pretty this morning, Amy.
Thanks, Godfrey.
You're so sweet, but you say that every time.
If you can just carry them for me.
Strelitzia reginae - first introduced to Europe in 1773.
I photographed a particularly nice specimen in 1986 and I won a book on flowers and £25 in a horticultural photographic competition.
~ Great.
~ In Batley, it was.
So, what you going to buy me if you win the lottery then, Godfrey? Anything you like.
What would you like me to buy you? A proper photo shoot, wearing dead mental clothes and I'd get my hair and make-up done professionally, so I can get a portfolio, and then people'll really notice me.
I notice you all the time.
I know, but I mean people that, like, matter.
I'm going to be the next Cara Delevingne, me.
~ Really, who's Cara Dela? ~ You're late! Sorry, car wouldn't start.
Boots off, Godfrey.
We haven't got time to start mopping the floor.
Sorry.
Yes, I'll take them off right away.
I've been talking to Dawn.
I've finally worked out Have you taken the leeks and rhubarb through to the kitchen? ~ Julie's waiting.
~ I didn't realise they were needed urgently.
~ She needs to clean and prep them.
~ I'll take them round.
The Americans are going to be here in six hours.
I'll mention to Julie about the lottery.
Please tell me you've got something else to wear for this evening, Amy.
I forgot.
It's Mam's fault, she put this in the washer and neck's gone all baggy.
I'll have to see if I've got anything.
As soon as you've finished with the flowers, make a start cleaning the silver in the dining room.
Don't walk away when I'm speaking to you Sean! Don't worry about it, it's fine.
I'll pay it by myself.
~ Sean! ~ Forget it! ~ He's not a racehorse! He's an old nag, fit for the knackers' yard.
~ What's the matter? ~ Nothing.
He's just an arsehole, that's all.
CHUCKLING: You can't have a conversation with the man without him flying off the handle.
He's got serious anger issues.
Maybe cos he's doing five different jobs.
Nobody asked him to.
He does it cos he knows nobody else will.
Shit! Hey, Amy? I can see right down your top.
Can you now? Lord Hazelwood? Lord Hazelwood? CLOCK CHIMES Oh, morning, my dear.
Morning.
I'm afraid it's just cereal for breakfast.
Mum's in a bit of a dither over tonight's supper.
Tell me she's not doing it all herself? We're all lending a hand.
I told Rachel to get the caterers in.
I don't think she could get anybody.
I don't know why we have to have these damned Americans here in the first place.
Damned inconvenient.
They only come because they imagine they're in an episode of bloody Downton Abbey.
Because they pay well.
Well, they ought to try living here, finding the money for the repairs to the roof, sorting out the heating.
£1,850 our last heating bill and we hardly have the damned thing on.
~ Most of the time, I'm frozen.
~ Would you like a hot water bottle? Of course, the only good thing about having the Americans here is that loud one Now, he likes a cigar! I don't think that's a good idea, in your condition.
What's it going to do, kill me? I'm perfectly happy to go.
Stop it.
Sometimes I wish that damned stroke had carried me off.
Please don't talk like that.
~ Every day you're getting better ~ I don't like living like this, stuck in a chair, reliant upon everybody to get me about.
I can't even get to the stables to see my horse.
Jasper's fine.
Sean makes sure he's all right.
~ He takes him for rides and ~ Decent chap, Sean.
You could do a hell of a lot worse ~ Do you want me to pour milk onto your cereal? ~ I know he likes you.
Sometimes I catch him looking at you.
And why not? You're a very attractive young woman.
And you don't want to keep moping about that chap of yours in London.
~ I'm not.
~ He was a complete bastard.
And you don't want to leave it too late for having a family, ~ like Rachel and I did.
~ You've got Spencer.
HE SCOFFS / CHUCKLES The least said about my stepson, the better.
Did you know he sold my Bentley? No, I didn't.
I'd had that car from new.
I'll leave you to your breakfast.
What am I supposed to do, just let the poor thing suffer?! 1,400's a lot of money though, Sean.
Yeah, but, Dawn, it's a living being.
It had colic.
Horses get ill.
And he spent two-and-a-half grand on that Audi R8 last month, didn't bat an eyelid.
Yacht's moored in the marina - ~ that's got to cost an arm and a leg.
~ Er, we haven't got any Gruyere.
I'll pick some up from the shops.
I better make a start on the dining room.
Hang on, there's plenty of time for that when we've got all this prepped.
Your Amy can lay the table.
I don't know where she's got to.
She should've finished the flowers by now.
Here we go.
Bay leaves, enough leeks to feed an army ~ and some freshly dug up carrots.
~ Sink! ~ And make sure there's no soil on 'em.
~ Righty ho! Did Dawn tell you I've worked out the winning combination? And scrub 'em thoroughly.
It's all hands to the deck today, Godfrey.
It's three years since the Americans were here.
~ I had two full-time kitchen staff then.
~ What we've been doing wrong ~ is playing the lower probability range ~ What do you want me to do? .
.
without thought to its companion number.
We should've played a variation.
So this week, I've been looking at the past It says mature cheddar, coarsely grated.
~ We've only got ordinary.
~ That'll do.
The grater's hung up by the Aga.
Can you do the Parmesan while you're at it? The lower ratio numbers hit together the most often.
~ Bearing this in mind ~ Will you chop the onions up right fine? ~ .
.
I'm using the specific mathematical frequency ~ Godfrey! .
.
we need to cover the most numbers in the fewest combinations.
Do you mind, please?! You're doing my head in! I can't even hear myself think with you prattling on! I'm just trying to explain.
Yeah, well, don't! It's a bit hard for us to understand, mate.
Just write the numbers down on a little bit of paper for me, love.
I've already done that.
Here they are, specially written out ~ Thanks, love.
~ And here's my £6.
~ £6 for the lottery? ~ I'm not paying £6.
I've been trying to explain, we've all got to do three lines each this week ~ I can't afford to do three lines, Godfrey.
~ Me neither.
No, but you don't understand, it doesn't matter how much it costs, we're going to be rich.
We're going to win £14,460,009.
20 You've been saying we're going to win every week for the past five years.
.
.
because this week, it's a double rollover.
We've spent a bloody fortune on the lottery.
Yes, and we very nearly won.
"Very nearly" being the operative words, Godfrey.
We had all the right numbers We got that excited, thought we were going to be millionaires.
Yes, that was very unfortunate, but as I explained, the reason we only won £824.
16 was because the jackpot that week was particularly low.
And statistically, the amount of winners for that specific ~ numerical combination was particularly high.
~ Oh, God! All right! You've told us, Godfrey.
We've heard a few thousand times and we still don't understand.
I don't know why, it's really very simple.
This is the only week I'm doing three lines though, Godfrey.
I can't afford it.
I'm going to have another mouth to feed soon.
We'll never have to do the lottery again, because we'll all be multimillionaires.
Unless of course, we run out of money.
But then we'd have to live for ~ 139.
03855 recurring years.
~ Godfrey, look! There you go, £6.
Go on, £6.
There you go.
£6.
Now, erm, I've made a dozen bottles of nettle wine for our celebration, and I was wondering if you'd all like to come back to the gatehouse after work so that we can all watch the draw together? KNOCK ON DOOR (Oh, shit.
) Spencer? Are you in there? Spencer?! Yeah, I'm just going through some accounts.
Well, why is the door locked? I was, er I was just checking the figures again in case they ask to see anything and I didn't want any of the staff nosing around.
Well, they're not going to ask to see the books, darling.
This is just to sound them out, to see if they're at all interested.
You've not been getting yourself into trouble again, have you? No, I'm not that stupid.
Because there is no money to bail you out this time.
I'm not in trouble.
~ We might have to sell another painting as it is ~ Shh! Will you keep your voice down, please? He hasn't been into the drawing room since his stroke.
~ I was thinking of the Vermeer.
~ OK.
We'll talk about it later, OK? ~ Did you hear any of that? ~ Any of what? Little Miss Scarborough, sometimes I think you're just a little tease.
~ Do you now? ~ Mm-hmm.
Well, you won't be thinking that when I'm a top model on the front page of Vogue.
Got to go cos they'll be wondering where I am.
HE SIGHS These napkins are all badly stained.
Have we got any more? No, them's all we've got.
Give us 'em here, I'll ask Julie to spray 'em and put them through a quick wash.
Are you going to tell Lord Hazelwood about the vet's bill? Nope.
No, it's not my problem.
If he doesn't pay it, he doesn't pay it.
What if you have to call the vet out again? We'll just need to hope Godfrey's numbers work out.
DAWN LAUGHS Yeah, don't hold your breath.
Ooh, by the way, I need your lottery money, Sarah.
It's three lines this week.
Three? How come? Oh, don't ask.
It's double rollover.
He reckons it's definite this week, bless him.
He really thinks he's cracked it.
~ Everything all right? ~ Yes, we're bang on schedule.
~ We were just wondering whether or not to light the fire.
~ Definitely.
And could you turn on the central heating again, Sean? Er, well, he's got it set to come on at There's a way to override the settings.
Evidently, it's in a cupboard in the boiler room.
Yeah, I know where it is And do you want it on all evening? If that's possible.
I'm wearing a dress and I don't want to sit there shivering.
Just don't mention it to Lord Hazelwood, that's all.
He tends to fret about these things.
Maybe he frets cos they're six-and-a-half million in debt.
~ Bloody hell.
~ Oh, my God.
~ How do you know? ~ He told me.
I knew they were broke, I didn't think they were that much in debt.
What they doing this dinner party for if they've got no money? They want to impress them but Lord Hazelwood don't want 'em here.
I'm not sure he's even up to it.
I've seen final demands in the study when I'm cleaning - they're that much, they make your eyes water.
Should've twigged.
Do you think we should be looking for another job? Yeah, and what's going to happen to my maternity pay when this baby comes? Don't know what we're going to do when you go off.
Maybe they'll take your Amy on full-time to cover.
No, Amy's not going to do it.
She can't wait to leave Scarborough and go to London.
She hates working here.
How we doing? Considering I ain't got a magic wand and just the one pair of hands, not too bad.
Have we got any of that stuff for stains? Er, cleaning cupboard in t' utility.
You better get yourself off to t' shop soon, I'll be needing stuff off that list.
Well, I will if the car starts.
Well, don't you go pushin' it in your condition.
You'd better put custard powder down on that list.
I'm not starting from scratch.
It's hard enough.
It's three years since I've done owt like this.
I'm all right with me usual, just, like, supper for three and a light lunch, but full-scale dinner party with no kitchen staff - it's too bloody hard! Erm, if I spray these napkins, will you run 'em through a rapid wash for me? I'll press 'em when I get back.
Yeah, yeah.
Just leave 'em there, I'll see to 'em.
Tea towels and aprons need to go in as well.
Oh! Godfrey! We're going to light a fire in the dining room ~ and the wood's getting low.
~ Okey dokey.
~ ENGINE REVS ~ Oh, look - there she goes, our fortunes in her hands.
What are you going to spend your winnings on, Sean? I'm not sure.
I'll think about it if it happens.
I'm going to buy a brand-new digital camera and then I'm going to take some proper photographs to help further Amy's career and then I'm going to HELICOPTER APPROACHES Oh, it looks like the Americans are early.
Shit.
I'd better get over there.
Sorry, Godfrey, you're going to have to take the wood up to the house yourself.
The grass, you're walking on the Take the wood up to the house meself.
I'll do that after this.
Ha-ha, look at this! Welcome to England, huh? Do you like that? Beautiful.
Let's just get our bags.
Bring the bags.
Come on, sweetheart, off we go.
~ Let Sean go ~ Yeah.
Yeah, if you just want to dump your bags, I'll start taking them up.
~ Bring some of the other bags.
~ Yeah, sure.
The only thing we're missing is the sun, you know what I mean? Leave the bags here, we'll get somebody to help us.
Come on, Tyler! So, it's exciting you're going to have a baby brother or sister soon.
It's not exciting, it's embarrassing.
They shouldn't even be doing it at their age.
Hopefully I'll be gone by the time it's born.
You don't mean that.
I do.
They're always early.
Will you let your mother know they're here? I think she's got supper planned for six o'clock.
What are we going to do with them till then? Get them pissed.
Spencer, please, And you had better get yourself changed into something more appropriate, my dear.
It's all in hand, Lady Hazelwood.
CASES RATTLE My goodness, how long do they think they're staying? Which room do you want these in? The Rose and the front bedrooms are the only ones fit for guests.
Rachel, great to see you.
Oh, my God, you look amazing.
The only woman I know who gets better with age! That's very kind of you to say.
Is there anybody to help us? We left our bags down by the gatepost.
Sadly, Henry had to leave us last year and we just have Sean now Yeah.
Tyler? ~ Good to see you, buddy.
~ Hey, sorry, business.
You good? How's it going? Nice to see you again, man.
And you must be the? Dad, it's Spencer.
~ I'm sorry, he's losing the plot ~ No, no, no.
~ I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
We went shooting together last time you were here but I think my hair was a bit longer.
Sure, I remember you now, Spencer.
Forgive me.
OK, so, introductions.
Now, this is my wife, Melissa ~ Hello.
~ .
.
and our friends Eddie and his girlfriend, Steph ~ Hi.
~ .
.
and that's Billy and his wife, Jess.
~ Hi.
~ Hey.
.
.
and this is Rachel.
She's the real McCoy - genuine British aristocracy, huh? Well, actually I'm not, but my husband is and he's really looking forward to meeting you.
Please, come through.
Go meet the Lord of the manor! Welcome to Hazelwood.
Please, have a sherry! Wow, this place is beautiful.
~ Stunning.
~ It's all authentic.
Look at the pictures.
If my memory serves me, that's got to be Queen Anne and King Charles.
~ Am I right, Rachel? ~ Yes, indeed.
~ Can I take your coats? ~ It's amazing.
~ I think I'm going to keep mine on.
Oh, yeah, me too, still getting used to the English weather.
Well, we've got a lovely fire in the sitting room, ~ if you'd just like to follow me.
~ Cheers.
~ Let's go through, honey.
~ It's amazing.
Do you want to give me your coat? Sure.
There you go.
Erm, are you OK with that? Don't worry, I'm not going to run off with it.
Tyler Mitchell, at your service.
Amy Stevenson, at yours.
I'll just get you your receipt there, darling.
~ There we are.
~ Thanks a lot.
Bye.
~ See you later.
Oh, God, you're late today.
I thought you werenae coming.
It's been mental.
We've got the Americans coming for the shoot, no extra help.
We're all racing round like blue-arsed flies.
Oh, I don't know how you manage.
Used to be 30 staff and now there's just five of us.
I hope they're paying you plenty.
Ha, must be joking! Can't even afford a new battery for the car.
Give me your basket here, give me that.
I'll get it.
What else do you need? ~ Brilliant, I've got a list.
~ All right.
Are you keeping all right? Yeah, now we've got over the shock, sort of coming round to the idea.
Ah, you'll love it.
I wish I'd had a late baby, you know.
You'll have loads more patience than you had with the other two.
I don't know about that, I feel like wringing our Amy's neck sometimes.
Does she still want to be a model? It's all she talks about.
We've tried putting her off it with the diabetes, cos models, they don't look after themselves.
No, they don't eat properly.
We've had more rows over that than anything else.
She thinks she's going to do catwalk.
She's a bonny-looking lassie, though.
Yeah, but she's not well.
Kids, eh? Thank God mine are both married and gone.
Did you hear about those two fellas that got swept out to sea ~ in a dingy this morning? ~ No.
I can't get signal at the house.
Now, are you paying for this? It's just they still haven't settled up last month's slate.
Right.
~ I will mention it to Lady Hazelwood.
~ Thanks, I'd appreciate that, just it's mounting up, you know.
I'm sure they've just forgotten.
Yeah.
Now, let's see, that is £88.
63.
~ Blooming heck.
~ There, you see.
~ Brilliant.
OK.
Oh, wait! No lottery tickets this week? Bloody hell, nearly forgot.
Thanks for reminding me.
I need 15 lines.
15? That's gone up.
Yeah, well, you know what he's like.
He's worked out another new system.
He's as mad as a box of frogs, that one.
I know, but what can we do? We've got to humour him.
He does them gardens all on his own, bless him.
He has a couple of volunteers come in on the weekends, but But that's it.
Anyway, it's three lines each this week.
Right, that's enough, Godfrey.
I think that one's just about done.
Now, I want you to take 'em up to our Sarah.
The old one with curly hair said he was starving hungry.
It's to be hoped he bloody is after I've gone to all this trouble! And Sarah's asking for aprons and napkins.
Here they are, I've ironed them.
I hope they're all right.
Erm, I didn't quite know what to do with the frilly bit but er What are you looking at, Godfrey? I was admiring your physique.
Are you saying I've got nice tits? Now, look what you've done - you've embarrassed him.
Oh, sorry, Godfrey, you know I'm only teasing, don't you? I love you to bits.
That's way too big! I'm going to look dead sackless.
Give me that pinny.
Oh, shit! Strap's broke.
Give us it here, give us it here.
Right, go on, take t' napkins up and take our Sarah's apron.
She'll be waiting on 'em.
~ Are you all right, love? ~ Yes.
Amy reminds me very much of an angel.
I don't think her mother would agree with you, but never mind.
~ I remember this room.
~ Oh, wow! ~ Isn't it magnificent? ~ Oh, this is impressive.
Please, sit down anywhere you want.
Melissa and Steph, perhaps you'd like to sit near the fire.
Oh, no, thanks, it's nice and warm in here.
So, these guys on the wall are your ancestors.
Charles, is that right? Yes, yes, the portrait above the fireplace is my great-great-grandfather, the 3rd Earl of Hazelwood.
Awesome, and are you an Earl? Yes, I'm the 8th Earl.
Like King Henry VIII.
Only not so many wives! ~ Too expensive.
~ Just two.
Charles' first wife sadly died when she was 42.
~ Oh, my God.
~ Aw, I'm sorry.
That is so young.
And she had all this.
She was a lovely woman.
She was my friend.
The chef would like you to know the amuse-bouche is palm heart with butternut squash and sugar snap.
I hope you enjoy.
~ Sounds great.
~ I bet a house this size costs a fortune to run? It certainly does, it eats money.
We're constantly looking for ways to run Would you like some wine, Lady Hazelwood? I was speaking, Amy.
White, please.
Yes, we're, er we're thinking of having a biomass heating system installed so we can use some of the wood chippings from the estate.
Wine, sir? Yeah, why not, son? Fill her up.
Tell you what - I'm so hungry, I could eat POLITE CHUCKLING I hope the food's as good as it was last time Unfortunately, we don't have the staff we had three years ago No, but our resident chef is doing her very best.
Well, we could have easily gone out to eat.
Oh, our chef would have been mortified, she likes a challenge.
It might be more rustic than fine dining, though.
We're very lucky to have Julie.
She's been with us for 35 years - she knows how to cook.
We couldn't possibly do without her.
Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
Right, get 'em up there before they drop.
~ Souffles, go, go, go, go, go! ~ Souffles.
~ Souffles.
~ Thanks, Godfrey.
Mmm! ~ She certainly hasn't lost her touch.
~ It's so light, it's wonderful.
Years of practice.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
You can top me up.
This is just delicious.
~ Oopsy! ~ Amy, really.
Sorry.
~ You clumsy clot.
~ I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
2 hours, 40 minutes and 13 seconds to the lottery draw.
Mmm.
Bloody delicious, if I say so myself.
Pies, Godfrey! Coming, game pie, game pie, very hot.
I've had the corner off that, it's lovely.
So, the girls are hoping to do a little shopping tomorrow, while we're out shooting.
I wondered if you might have a driver ~ or someone who could ~ No, not really.
There's only Sean and he'll be with you.
~ Sarah might do it.
~ It's Sarah's day off.
I don't mind, honestly.
I'll run you into town.
Oh, that's so kind, thank you.
You can show us where all the designer shops are.
I'm not sure I know where the designer shops are but I'll do my best.
Oh, they'll find them all right, don't you worry.
So, how are the golf courses doing? Oh, terrific.
Business is booming.
We've got, er How many have we got now, Eddie? Seven and we're just about to open our eighth.
~ Oh, amazing.
~ All in America? No, we have one in Dubai, two in Spain And one in China.
It's only a ten-hole but it's very popular.
We've a long waiting list.
Can you get the internet here? We could go online and show you.
Yeah, absolutely.
And we're going to hop over to Ireland after the shoot's finished to take a look at a stately home that's for sale.
~ It's a nice piece of land with the possibility ~ What about England? Have you ever fancied developing a golf course here? Your not talking about Hazelwood Manor, are you? Don't be ridiculous.
I didn't actually mean here but, er, seeing as you mention it, do you think it's a possibility? It doesn't matter if it's a possibility or not.
I'm just curious, that's all.
Just making conversation.
I don't want to offend anybody and I'm sure this beautiful house and the land will remain in the Hazelwood family for many generations to come (If we can afford it.
) .
.
but if you ever did even consider selling and we're still alive and kicking, I hope you would give us a shot at making the first bid.
~ Yes, of course.
~ Not while I draw breath.
It's all hypothetical, darling.
Just a bit of fun.
CHUCKLING I forget, how many acres do you have here now? That's a good question.
Sean, how many acres of land do we have? ~ 90.
~ A perfect 18-hole course Charles, that was a joke.
Charles, I'm sorry, I was just teasing.
DISTANT SHOUTING: Amy! ~ Where are you? ~ What the hell's that? I want to talk to you! ~ Oh, I'm so sorry, I think it's ~ It's your bloody idiot boyfriend! ~ He's not me boyfriend! ~ Nothing to worry about.
Please, do start.
We don't want the pies to get cold.
~ Is Amy in there? ~ Please start.
~ Tell her I want to talk to her.
~ Is he dangerous? ~ He's not dangerous, he's just mental.
I want to talk to Amy! ~ Amy, I want to talk to you! ~ Oi! Hey, that's enough, mate.
No, I just, I just want to talk to Amy, mate.
Look, I've rung her like ten times and she hasn't answered once.
Yeah, but we don't always get a signal up here at the house, do we? Anyway, you can't come here shouting your mouth off, wee man.
There's a dinner party on in there.
I don't give a flying fuck, mate.
I'm not going anywhere, right, till I've talked to Amy.
AMY! Right, you degenerate scrote, you've got ten seconds to get off our land or I'm going to pull this trigger and pop your brains clean out of your skull ~ Hey, Spencer.
~ One, two ~ Just be careful with that gun, the safety isn't on and the trigger's very sensitive.
~ .
.
three, four ~ You think you're a big man? Think you're better than me ~ cos you've got a mansion and all your fucking money! ~ .
.
seven ~ You go.
~ .
.
nine I'll get Amy to ring you on the house phone, OK? You think I won't do it, don't you? ~ What do you want? ~ Amy! Oh.
Get off me! I don't want you here! ~ GUNSHO ~ Jesus Christ! ~ For God's sake! You heard what the girl said.
She doesn't want you here.
You'll regret this, Amy.
You will.
They won't ask you again if you cause trouble.
I don't want to be asked again.
I'm just embarrassed cos that fit American looked at me like I'd crawled out from under a stone when Spencer said he were me boyfriend.
Well, we told you months ago to finish with him properly.
I did finish with him! Yes, and then you start seeing him again.
We're not stupid, Amy.
Cos he pesters me, that's why.
Because you encourage him, that's why! I don't! ~ You think you know everything, don't you? ~ Come on, love.
We know nothing about him.
He come in with the new fair rides and that's it.
~ I think he's got a screw loose ~ Why? Cos he likes me? Cos he pays me attention? All you care about is this new baby.
Please don't argue.
You sound like a two-year-old.
It's time you grew up.
To be honest, it happened just at the right time.
Things were getting pretty tense over dinner.
Spencer boy was asking the Americans if they'd be interested in buying Hazelwood if it came up for sale.
~ No way! ~ It's true.
And what did they say? They said they'd be really interested cos they'd turn it into a golf course.
~ They said that in front of Lord Hazelwood? ~ Yep.
I think that's what they've got them here for.
Poor bugger.
It's a wonder he didn't have another stroke.
What would happen to all the flowers and the vegetable garden? It'd be all gone, Godfrey.
It'd be landscaped grass with 18 holes in it.
That would be an absolute catastrophe.
According to your Sarah, they might not have a choice.
Six-and-a-half million in debt - place needs a fortune spending on it.
Well, she never said owt to me.
So what your saying is we could be all down the road anyway? Yeah, in a nutshell.
Where am I going to find a job at my age? Right, we're going to miss the draw if we don't all head over to the gatehouse, where a glass of some home-made nettle wine awaits.
Some of us haven't finished work yet, Godfrey.
And I am knackered.
You've got to come, we're going to win.
It's an accumulation of seven years of mathematical data.
~ We could watch it on iPlayer.
~ If we can get a signal.
Why don't you go and get your wine, Godfrey.
I feel like getting pissed.
You're not having a drink.
I can have a glass of wine if I want.
'Thanks, Darren, and congratulations to our eight-strong syndicate 'that worked in the shirt factory in Rochdale 'that won five-and-a-half million the week before last' Five-and-a-half million, can you imagine? What I could do with that.
Wouldn't have to worry about finding another job.
No more after that, Amy, it's full of sugar.
Have you had your insulin? God, why are you always getting on at me? Can't I enjoy meself for two minutes? Shh! Need to concentrate now.
Dawn, do you have the ticket? Er, yeah, got it here, in me pocket, safe and sound.
~ I take it you've signed the ~ 'Release the balls.
'Good luck, everybody.
'Best of luck, everybody.
'OK, our first ball's out tonight 'and it's number 9.
' ~ 9, that's good.
~ 'Last seen five weeks ago, 'number 9 is one of our least popular numbers drawn.
' That's a very good start and we only lose three lines.
'And the second ball out tonight, it's our old friend number 2.
' Yes, it's 2.
We still have ten lines remaining, excellent.
'2 is one of Mercury Millions most common numbers drawn.
' Only according to the out average ratio which is ~ BELL RINGS ~ They'll want their port and cheese.
~ It's all right, I'll go.
~ '.
.
the third ball out tonight' ~ Can you take the wrappers off, love? ~ '.
.
what a coincidence, ~ 'it's number 3.
' ~ 3? No, it can't be 3.
3's only followed 2 six times since the lottery began.
It doesn't matter, Godfrey.
'3 last made an appearance just a month ago.
' Yes, but not consecutive to 2 - it was drawn after 15 and then it was drawn after number 25! It's all right, Godfrey, it's just a bit of fun.
All right, she's coming! '.
.
number 22' We're still in with a chance, still got three lines remaining.
'.
.
just last week.
The next ball, 'and it's number 18.
' 18? That doesn't make sense.
There's no pattern, no logic - how can it be 18? ~ It doesn't matter, love.
~ 'And our last ball 'and it's number 36.
~ 'Last seen 15 weeks ago' ~ Well, that's it.
I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say.
I feel like a complete fraud, like I've raised all your hopes.
No, you haven't, Godfrey, it was only you that really thought we were going to win.
I'm so disappointed, I feel like I've let you all down.
~ You haven't, it's only the lottery.
~ Don't be daft.
What we've never had, we'll never miss.
Now, pour us another glass of that bloody horrible wine.
~ '.
.
in numerical order, that's 2, 3, 9' ~ BELL RINGS Turn it off, turn it off! Do you mind? That's Sarah's, you'll break it.
I don't want to hear it, shut up! ~ All right, Godfrey, don't throw a fit! ~ It was only six quid.
I think I'm going to go home now, I don't feel very well.
Godfrey! Don't go! He gets worse every week.
I really think we should stop doing it.
I don't think he can cope.
I'm going to see if he's all right.
Just let him calm down, love, leave him alone.
Get off me back, will you?! DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHU She's just going through a phase.
I wish she'd hurry up and get through it.
She's driving me and Andy insane.
Godfrey! Godfrey, wait for me! Godfrey, it's not your fault we didn't win.
You did your best! Nobody really thought we'd win.
I don't want to talk to you! Maybe the numbers are random, maybe there's no way to mathematically ~ Of course there's a mathematical way to work it out ~ Don't shout, I'm only trying to help.
~ Everything has a numerological equation.
~ Listen to me I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU! RUSTLING, INDISTINCT ANIMAL NOISE Do you think we should tell Godfrey? ~ It might make him feel better.
~ Tell him what? ~ I need 15 lines.
~ 15? That's gone up.
Yeah, well, you know what he's like, he's worked out another new system.
He's mad as a box of frogs, that one.
Anyway, it's three lines each this week but we've all said, it is only this week Oh, damn it, do you know what? I have left the numbers in me overall pocket.
I'll have to phone Julie.
I don't know if I'm doing this right.
I can't break off love, they're already here.
I've never used an electric iron in my entire life.
HE SINGS (I can't see your overall, love - where did you take it off?) (Look, just make 'em up, he'll never know.
) Hey, do you want me to iron Dawn's overall? No, no, give us it here.
It's nylon, it doesn't need ironing.
Why don't you put the tureens in the bottom warming oven? Just think, four hours and we'll all be multimillionaires.
I'd put her overall in t' wash.
With the list of numbers Godfrey gave me in the pocket so I just made some other numbers up instead.
So even if Godfrey's numbers had come up, we still wouldn't have won.
I tell you what, though, me heart were in me mouth when I thought we were in with a chance.
Have you checked the numbers, then? ~ What numbers? ~ On the ticket you bought.
No, didn't even know what numbers I come up with.
I were that worried about Godfrey's numbers winning, I couldn't think straight.
Well, give us the ticket.
I remember there were a 2 and then a 3 Yeah, cos that's when he started shouting when the 3 come out.
.
.
and there were an 18.
He definitely didn't like that.
2, 3 and 18 You've got three lines with 2, 3 and 18.
~ Have I? ~ Yeah.
Oh, yeah, cos 2nd's our Amy's birthday, 3rd's Andy's, 18th's mine.
~ There should be a 22 there as well cos that's Noah's birthday.
~ What is up with this? Can't remember any more though, Valerie were just shouting 'em out at me in the end.
~ So bloody slow ~ It drives our Sarah mad.
Maybe they're online upstairs.
Don't worry, we'll check 'em tomorrow.
I'd better get off.
Our Andy'll think I've left home.
Wait, hold on, hold on.
It's not great but we're online.
Lottery results BELL RINGS I am not doing owt else.
You've had your pudding and your cheese! You can bugger off! Do you want me to go? No, no, I bloody don't! Kitchen's closed.
We've been on since half seven this morning.
It doesn't look like Godfrey's coming back.
Your Amy'll sweet talk him round, he loves her to bits.
He'll be dead chuffed that she went after him Hey, you've got 22 Ah, shit, connection's gone again.
~ You've definitely got four numbers, Dawn.
~ Right.
~ What's that mean? ~ This is bloody useless It means we might have won twenty quid each, if we're lucky.
More port? TYLER: And this is the hotel Right up to the top - there's a girl.
.
.
which we are very proud of but, yeah, it's got pretty much everything.
What it lacks in distance, it makes up for in pleasure As the actress said to the bishop.
CHUCKLING We even have a lake here.
I'll have a drop more, please, Sarah.
Are you sure that's a good idea, Lord Hazelwood? I think it's a perfectly terrific idea.
KNOCK AT DOOR Excuse me, sorry to interrupt.
Sarah, could I have a word? What is it, Sean? Oh, nothing, it's just I think we might have won something on the lottery and I can't get a signal downstairs or in the study I just wondered if Well, come in, don't stand in the doorway, come in and sit down.
I'm sure Tyler here can help you out.
He seems to be a whizz with computers, just like his father is a whizz with the golf courses.
Sure, give it here.
I haven't seen one of these for ages ~ So what do you want me to do? ~ Nothing, I just need the Wi-Fi.
Sure, sure.
He didn't mean all of you.
~ Sorry! ~ We'll wait outside.
No, you won't.
What are you apologising for? Come in.
Gentlemen, this is Julie, she's responsible for the terrific feast we've had this evening.
Ah, the food was fantastic! You are one hell of a chef, Julie - I've never eaten food quite like it.
You know, if you ever need a job in the States, just give me a call.
Don't be telling her that, she'll be asking for a raise.
Spencer! He has no idea how to treat anybody.
~ I was joking ~ Thank you, I might take you up on that, ~ but it were a team effort.
And this is Dawn ~ Well done, Dawn.
.
.
and she helped a lot.
And where's Little Miss Scarborough? Who's that? Amy, the pretty young waitress.
She was crowned Miss Scarborough last year.
Well, she is really stunning.
So you all, er, live in the house? Me and Sarah have got a flat on t' top floor.
And that's, like, the, erm servants' quarters? We've got 36! I just picked some random numbers.
Oh, my God.
We've got all six numbers and the bounty ball.
I don't understand.
I thought we didn't have the right It means that we've won the bloody lottery.
I think we might have won 14-and-a-half million pounds! Oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm sorry about the coffee.
I've no idea why they're not answering.
Maybe they've just finished for the night.
No, they don't finish until we're finished.
~ DISTANT SCREAMING ~ Oh, my God! What the hell's that? It's all right, it's just the foxes.
God, that really spooked me.
It sounded like someone was being murdered.
We hear it most nights.
I love you, God! About time summat good happened! ~ I can't wait to tell Amy! ~ Godfrey's going to go mental! ~ Wait for me! ~ Godfrey! Come on, Mum.
Godfrey! ~ Godfrey! ~ Godders! We've got something really exciting to tell you, Godfrey! Godfrey! Open up.
Come on.
Godders! What do you want? We've won the lottery! Why are you saying this? Are you deliberately doing this to make me feel bad? Go away! ~ No, it's the truth! ~ We've won 14-and-a-half million.
~ We're millionaires! ~ I forgot your bit of paper with the numbers on so I just made up some numbers.
You made them up? With birthdays and that, look, you can check the numbers online.
I don't need to check, I know the winning numbers.
~ He's in shock, I can hardly believe it meself.
~ It's incredible.
All these years I've been trying to work it out and you just picked some silly numbers.
~ Sorry.
~ Listen it were my fault, right, OK, I put her overall in t' wash but it doesn't matter.
~ We still won! ~ It's bloody brilliant! Ah, congratulations, love.
We've hit the jackpot.
Where's our Amy? I don't know, I think she went back to the house.
I'm afraid I wasn't in a fit state to be humoured.
I am going to go back to the house to find her.
Hang on, I'll come with you.
We've won the lottery! ~ Godfrey! ~ Come on, Godfrey, lighten up.
It's amazing what's happened.
Don't you realise our lives are going to completely change? I DON'T LIKE CHANGE! It's been a long day.
If you don't mind, I think I'm going to take two of my paroxetine and go to bed.
Godfrey! God, you look bloody freezing.
Here.
Thank you.
Amy! Amy? Where's she gone? She can't be far.
Ring her mobile.
Go on.
It's very hard to lose a child at that age.
I mean, they knew that Edwin's life expectancy wasn't good, but still, I think it hit Charles and Lydia really hard.
I don't think Lydia ever recovered.
They didn't try for another child? You know, to carry on the Hazelwood dynasty.
I mean, who's going to be the 9th Earl? I'm not sure.
I think they were both very frightened the same thing might happen again.
I'm sorry, that was really insensitive.
And then Lydia took ill.
Have you seen Amy, Lady Hazelwood? No, I'm afraid not.
~ It is polite, Sarah, to knock before ~ Sorry, erm I've been calling down to the kitchen.
Our guests would like some coffee ~ Sorry, but we can't find Amy.
~ I'm sure she'll be somewhere.
Could you ask Julie to rustle up a cafetiere and the chocolates, please? Yeah.
Hiya, love.
Is your dad there? ~ Aww, where's he gone? ~ 'I don't know where he is.
' Well, that's a bit weird.
Did he say when he'd be back? Where is she? Sarah's gone upstairs to look for her.
Shh-shh, hang on.
Oh, wait, he's here now, Mum.
~ Dad! ~ All right, lad.
~ It's me mam.
~ Oh, right.
You all right? ~ Hiya, what's up? ~ 'Hiya, love.
' Whoa, whoa, hang on a minute.
Hang on a minute, slow down Well, I can't understand a word your saying.
Oh, come on, I've just got in, I'm knackered.
I've just been for a pint with the lads! Come on, get on with it.
I've got to help Noah with his homework.
What? Say that again.
How much? Hang on a minute, hang on, you're babbling.
~ I can't understand a word you're saying.
~ Dad, what is it? ~ Wait, wait, wait.
~ Dad, what is it?! ~ Dad? ~ Your mum thinks we might have won over 14 million quid on t' lottery 14 million? Here, check the numbers, check the numbers.
Birthdays - your mam's and yours.
Jesus! Ha! Yeah, Amy.
~ Amy, Amy! ~ Dad, Dad, she's not in! Oh, yeah, she's No I thought she was with you.
Well, she was, but then she went off to do something.
Don't worry, she'll probably be upstairs.
~ What are you going to do? ~ I'm going to buy me own house.
~ BELL RINGS ~ I'm going to go on a cruise to the Caribbean.
I'm going to start up me own cookery school.
She's not upstairs, I've checked all the rooms ~ but nobody's seen her since supper.
~ That's funny.
She can't just disappear.
We're going to ring the lottery line now.
I just wanted to let you know.
Lady Hazelwood's asking for coffee and chocolates.
She can go to hell.
We're going to ring the lottery line now.
All right, ta-ra, love.
Where's Amy? Don't know but she's definitely not upstairs.
Yeah, just ring your mam or the house.
Let us know where you are.
We might have some good news! Yeah, so don't be late, eh? Ta-ra.
Oh, it's your dad by the way! Shit, Dad, that's my birthday, that's Amy's birthday Hey, hey, and that's mine and your mam's.
We've won! Shit.
Do you think we really could've won the lottery? Don't know, son.
Stuff like this don't happen to t' likes of us.
~ It's just ringing out.
~ Have you got the right number? It's the number on the back of the ticket.
It says you can ring any time Don't worry, love, she'll turn up.
You know what they're like at that age - they don't think about anybody but themselves.
She's probably buggered off into town.
Yeah, she usually lets me know.
She were in a funny mood, though.
Yeah, you're right.
~ She's probably done it on purpose just to worry me.
~ Exactly.
~ Hi.
~ 'Can I help?' ~ She'll have come here after she talked to Godfrey and we'll have been upstairs.
~ Well, I hope so.
I think we've won the lottery.
~ Shh, Mam! ~ 'What's your name?' ~ Sean McGary.
No, no, it was my colleague ~ Dawn Stevenson that bought the ticket.
~ 'Is your colleague with you now?' Oh, right She says she's going to have to talk to you.
~ 'Hello?' ~ Hello? ~ 'Hello, is that Dawn?' ~ Yes, I'm Dawn Stevenson.
Erm, Scarborough.
'Where did you purchase the ticket?' The local supermarket down on the front There's five of us.
'And is that syndicate registered officially?' No, we're not in a registered syndicate.
We just pool us money together every week.
'OK, no problem.
' Right, hang on a minute.
(Where's the ticket?) 2, 3, 9, 18, 22, 36.
Bounty ball, number 10 ~ What's she saying? ~ Have we won? She wants to know if she can meet us all tomorrow morning, half nine.
Have we hit the jackpot? Are they the right numbers? I think so.
She said they were the right numbers.
Oh, my God! Can you believe it? ~ Tell her we'll meet her here.
~ Hello? Yes, please.
Can we meet you here at Hazelwood Manor, Scarborough? ~ YO12 ~ YO12 ~ .
.
1OQ.
~ .
.
1OQ.
~ Thank you, thank you very much.
~ 'All right, Dawn.
' I asked for a cafetiere and chocolates over half an hour ago.
That's Amy's bag.
Yes, it was left in the hall under the table.
Now, are you going to make coffee or do I have to do it myself? I'd say, yes, you do.
Cafetiere's in t' cupboard over there, coffee's in t' jar next to it, chocolates are in t' fridge.
We've all done a 16-hour day, so if you want coffee, help yourself.
Mum! ~ LAUGHING: Mum! ~ Well, she bloody needed telling.
~ I can't believe you! ~ We've won the lottery! THEY LAUGH AND CHEER That's our Amy's insulin pen.
She wouldn't go anywhere without that.
Her life depends on it.
Ring her again.
PHONE RINGS She's not answering.
She wouldn't go off without telling us, she's not that kind of girl.
What about if she's found murdered on the moorlands? Godfrey, have you any idea what they're looking for? If anything happens to me, don't let them sell Hazelwood Manor to the Americans.
You are playing a very dangerous game, my dear.
SEAGULLS CAW DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE SHE TUTS AND SIGHS Andy! Alarm hasn't gone off! What? Andy, we've slept in.
Andy! What? Oh, shit.
KNOCK ON DOOR Amy? Amy, it's quarter past eight! Get up! We're late.
Oh, what?! Why didn't you set alarm?! Noah! Come on, son, get up.
We're late! Come on, son, move it! We're leaving, Amy! I'll be two seconds! You'll be walking if you don't hurry up! Come on! ENGINE SPLUTTERS Not again.
Bloody car.
HE SIGHS Not today.
Not today! ~ Where is it? ~ Down there.
Amy! Is she coming?! Amy! For God's sake! Noah, we're going to have to give it a shove.
You all right? One, two What's wrong with it? It's a bloody heap.
It's embarrassing! Right, Amy, come on, you as well, sharpish! ~ Keith?! ~ Hiya.
~ Keith, mate, come and give us a hand.
~ No problem.
I've bloody flooded it again.
~ I can't push, not in my state.
~ Right.
One, two, three ~ Thanks, Keith.
~ Come on.
~ All right, lad, come on.
~ Go on, that's it.
NOAH: Shit, it's not going to go! We're 20 minutes late.
You're 17, you can always set the alarm on your phone and get yourself up.
I've been awake half the night with indigestion.
That's your fault for getting pregnant.
It's no-one's fault, Amy! We didn't plan it, these things just happen, so get over it.
Keep going.
Keep going! ENGINE SPLUTTERS AND WHIRS ~ Go on.
Go on.
~ Yes! ~ Yes! My school first, I've got me exam! Thank you! Hurry up! Once you've dropped off Noah, you'll have to take us straight to work.
No, we've got to get flowers first, remember? What's them on your legs? Stockings? No, they're tights.
They look like stockings to me.
And your skirt is very short! ~ You can practically see your knickers.
~ Shut up, Mum! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Not on me table.
You need to pluck them while they're still warm.
I were preparing pheasants before you shot out ~ your father's cock, sweetheart.
~ Sorry.
There isn't a thing you can tell me about cooking food.
Except how to make a cheese souffle.
I've made plenty of souffles in my time, love.
I just wanted to check something.
You try making supper to impress on less than a tenner a head.
It's bloody tough.
I'm not saying anything.
This recipe says you need star anise I don't need a recipe, OK? I was wondering where Dawn and Amy were? I don't think she's feeling very well with the baby.
I know they were stopping off to pick flowers up.
Well, they're half an hour late and the candlesticks and the silver in the dining room need cleaning.
We should wheel the oil radiators in there to take the chill off the room before this evening.
~ I'll do that as soon as I've finished winding up the clocks.
~ Thank you.
Oh, and by the way, I think Spencer was looking for you.
And I wondered if you and Amy would take our American guests' coats and serve drinks as they arrive? I was going to meet and greet, Lady Hazelwood.
That's fine.
It doesn't matter who does it, so long as it happens.
I don't suppose we could run to canapes? Not on a tenner a head! OK, fine.
I'll leave it with you.
Canapes - what does she think I am, bloody Wonder Woman?! Ring Dawn.
Find out where the hell they are! I did that one myself.
~ I did.
~ What does it taste like? I scream, you scream What's up? Bollocks! Right.
Where are you going? Just give me a second.
Right, why don't they just get Godfrey to bring the flowers in from the garden? Cos Lady Hazelwood likes exotic flowers for the house.
~ PHONE RINGS ~ I thought you said they were broke?! It's not like you and me being broke, Andy.
This'll be Sarah wondering where we are.
Hiya.
Yeah, sorry.
We're on our way.
Alarm didn't go off and car wouldn't start.
Lady Hazelwood's on the rampage, she was asking where you were.
~ Check Amy's wearing something suitable to serve in! ~ I can't hear, Mum! ~ Look, it's important.
~ I told her you weren't feeling well.
~ I'll need her to go to the shop an' all.
~ All right! We're just getting the flowers now.
We'll be five minutes.
I don't know, I'll have to check with her.
God! It couldn't have happened on a worse day.
Got the Americans coming for the grouse shooting this afternoon and the house has to be perfect.
You should've dropped me off before Noah.
I need a new bloody battery for the car.
~ How much is that? ~ Plenty! ~ KNOCK ON WINDOW ~ Where is she? She's in the florist, but she can't talk, she's late! What the bloody hell does he want? I thought we told her not to see him any more.
~ Hiya.
~ Don't let me tear you away from your girlfriends.
They're not me girlfriends.
They just work on fish stalls, yeah? Just asking if we had any change.
Yeah, sure(!) Boot's locked, Dad! Yeah, well, I can't take the keys out cos the car might not start again.
~ Get out the way.
~ Get in the car, Amy! Just hurry up.
Come on.
Lady H has been asking for us.
And you must've told Julie you'd wait on, she wants to know have you brought something to wear? No, I haven't cos you were rushing me.
What's she going to do, sack me? I don't want to work there anyway.
Right, you're lucky you've got a job.
It's not a job, it's just temp work.
~ ALARM BLARES ~ Ah, lifeboat alarm.
I'm going to have to leg it.
~ Are you going to talk to me? ~ No, cos I've got nowt to say to you ~ and you're going get me in trouble now.
~ Why? Cos I'm banned from seeing you, so get off me! ~ But I want to talk to you! ~ Well, you can't cos I've got to go to work! ~ What about after you've finished work? ~ Watch me lips! I don't want to see your face and I don't want to talk to you ever again! Right, you! Leave her alone! And don't you come near her again or I'm going to call the police.
And I mean it.
What have I told you about seeing him?! I'm not seeing him and it's not my fault, so get off me back! If it's 150, the greatest percentage in a 6-49 combination has got to be 165,772.
~ That means ~ HORN BEEPS Amy! Amy! Dawn! Amy! Amy! Dawn! Dawn! You haven't bought the lottery ticket yet have you, Dawn? ~ Dawn, the lottery tickets? ~ Morning, Godfrey.
I've worked it all out.
If we do three lines each Yes, can you just help her with the flowers? I've got to park the car round there.
~ I know where I've been going wrong.
~ Right.
~ The most probable range is between 150 and 140 ~ Right.
You're looking exceedingly pretty this morning, Amy.
Thanks, Godfrey.
You're so sweet, but you say that every time.
If you can just carry them for me.
Strelitzia reginae - first introduced to Europe in 1773.
I photographed a particularly nice specimen in 1986 and I won a book on flowers and £25 in a horticultural photographic competition.
~ Great.
~ In Batley, it was.
So, what you going to buy me if you win the lottery then, Godfrey? Anything you like.
What would you like me to buy you? A proper photo shoot, wearing dead mental clothes and I'd get my hair and make-up done professionally, so I can get a portfolio, and then people'll really notice me.
I notice you all the time.
I know, but I mean people that, like, matter.
I'm going to be the next Cara Delevingne, me.
~ Really, who's Cara Dela? ~ You're late! Sorry, car wouldn't start.
Boots off, Godfrey.
We haven't got time to start mopping the floor.
Sorry.
Yes, I'll take them off right away.
I've been talking to Dawn.
I've finally worked out Have you taken the leeks and rhubarb through to the kitchen? ~ Julie's waiting.
~ I didn't realise they were needed urgently.
~ She needs to clean and prep them.
~ I'll take them round.
The Americans are going to be here in six hours.
I'll mention to Julie about the lottery.
Please tell me you've got something else to wear for this evening, Amy.
I forgot.
It's Mam's fault, she put this in the washer and neck's gone all baggy.
I'll have to see if I've got anything.
As soon as you've finished with the flowers, make a start cleaning the silver in the dining room.
Don't walk away when I'm speaking to you Sean! Don't worry about it, it's fine.
I'll pay it by myself.
~ Sean! ~ Forget it! ~ He's not a racehorse! He's an old nag, fit for the knackers' yard.
~ What's the matter? ~ Nothing.
He's just an arsehole, that's all.
CHUCKLING: You can't have a conversation with the man without him flying off the handle.
He's got serious anger issues.
Maybe cos he's doing five different jobs.
Nobody asked him to.
He does it cos he knows nobody else will.
Shit! Hey, Amy? I can see right down your top.
Can you now? Lord Hazelwood? Lord Hazelwood? CLOCK CHIMES Oh, morning, my dear.
Morning.
I'm afraid it's just cereal for breakfast.
Mum's in a bit of a dither over tonight's supper.
Tell me she's not doing it all herself? We're all lending a hand.
I told Rachel to get the caterers in.
I don't think she could get anybody.
I don't know why we have to have these damned Americans here in the first place.
Damned inconvenient.
They only come because they imagine they're in an episode of bloody Downton Abbey.
Because they pay well.
Well, they ought to try living here, finding the money for the repairs to the roof, sorting out the heating.
£1,850 our last heating bill and we hardly have the damned thing on.
~ Most of the time, I'm frozen.
~ Would you like a hot water bottle? Of course, the only good thing about having the Americans here is that loud one Now, he likes a cigar! I don't think that's a good idea, in your condition.
What's it going to do, kill me? I'm perfectly happy to go.
Stop it.
Sometimes I wish that damned stroke had carried me off.
Please don't talk like that.
~ Every day you're getting better ~ I don't like living like this, stuck in a chair, reliant upon everybody to get me about.
I can't even get to the stables to see my horse.
Jasper's fine.
Sean makes sure he's all right.
~ He takes him for rides and ~ Decent chap, Sean.
You could do a hell of a lot worse ~ Do you want me to pour milk onto your cereal? ~ I know he likes you.
Sometimes I catch him looking at you.
And why not? You're a very attractive young woman.
And you don't want to keep moping about that chap of yours in London.
~ I'm not.
~ He was a complete bastard.
And you don't want to leave it too late for having a family, ~ like Rachel and I did.
~ You've got Spencer.
HE SCOFFS / CHUCKLES The least said about my stepson, the better.
Did you know he sold my Bentley? No, I didn't.
I'd had that car from new.
I'll leave you to your breakfast.
What am I supposed to do, just let the poor thing suffer?! 1,400's a lot of money though, Sean.
Yeah, but, Dawn, it's a living being.
It had colic.
Horses get ill.
And he spent two-and-a-half grand on that Audi R8 last month, didn't bat an eyelid.
Yacht's moored in the marina - ~ that's got to cost an arm and a leg.
~ Er, we haven't got any Gruyere.
I'll pick some up from the shops.
I better make a start on the dining room.
Hang on, there's plenty of time for that when we've got all this prepped.
Your Amy can lay the table.
I don't know where she's got to.
She should've finished the flowers by now.
Here we go.
Bay leaves, enough leeks to feed an army ~ and some freshly dug up carrots.
~ Sink! ~ And make sure there's no soil on 'em.
~ Righty ho! Did Dawn tell you I've worked out the winning combination? And scrub 'em thoroughly.
It's all hands to the deck today, Godfrey.
It's three years since the Americans were here.
~ I had two full-time kitchen staff then.
~ What we've been doing wrong ~ is playing the lower probability range ~ What do you want me to do? .
.
without thought to its companion number.
We should've played a variation.
So this week, I've been looking at the past It says mature cheddar, coarsely grated.
~ We've only got ordinary.
~ That'll do.
The grater's hung up by the Aga.
Can you do the Parmesan while you're at it? The lower ratio numbers hit together the most often.
~ Bearing this in mind ~ Will you chop the onions up right fine? ~ .
.
I'm using the specific mathematical frequency ~ Godfrey! .
.
we need to cover the most numbers in the fewest combinations.
Do you mind, please?! You're doing my head in! I can't even hear myself think with you prattling on! I'm just trying to explain.
Yeah, well, don't! It's a bit hard for us to understand, mate.
Just write the numbers down on a little bit of paper for me, love.
I've already done that.
Here they are, specially written out ~ Thanks, love.
~ And here's my £6.
~ £6 for the lottery? ~ I'm not paying £6.
I've been trying to explain, we've all got to do three lines each this week ~ I can't afford to do three lines, Godfrey.
~ Me neither.
No, but you don't understand, it doesn't matter how much it costs, we're going to be rich.
We're going to win £14,460,009.
20 You've been saying we're going to win every week for the past five years.
.
.
because this week, it's a double rollover.
We've spent a bloody fortune on the lottery.
Yes, and we very nearly won.
"Very nearly" being the operative words, Godfrey.
We had all the right numbers We got that excited, thought we were going to be millionaires.
Yes, that was very unfortunate, but as I explained, the reason we only won £824.
16 was because the jackpot that week was particularly low.
And statistically, the amount of winners for that specific ~ numerical combination was particularly high.
~ Oh, God! All right! You've told us, Godfrey.
We've heard a few thousand times and we still don't understand.
I don't know why, it's really very simple.
This is the only week I'm doing three lines though, Godfrey.
I can't afford it.
I'm going to have another mouth to feed soon.
We'll never have to do the lottery again, because we'll all be multimillionaires.
Unless of course, we run out of money.
But then we'd have to live for ~ 139.
03855 recurring years.
~ Godfrey, look! There you go, £6.
Go on, £6.
There you go.
£6.
Now, erm, I've made a dozen bottles of nettle wine for our celebration, and I was wondering if you'd all like to come back to the gatehouse after work so that we can all watch the draw together? KNOCK ON DOOR (Oh, shit.
) Spencer? Are you in there? Spencer?! Yeah, I'm just going through some accounts.
Well, why is the door locked? I was, er I was just checking the figures again in case they ask to see anything and I didn't want any of the staff nosing around.
Well, they're not going to ask to see the books, darling.
This is just to sound them out, to see if they're at all interested.
You've not been getting yourself into trouble again, have you? No, I'm not that stupid.
Because there is no money to bail you out this time.
I'm not in trouble.
~ We might have to sell another painting as it is ~ Shh! Will you keep your voice down, please? He hasn't been into the drawing room since his stroke.
~ I was thinking of the Vermeer.
~ OK.
We'll talk about it later, OK? ~ Did you hear any of that? ~ Any of what? Little Miss Scarborough, sometimes I think you're just a little tease.
~ Do you now? ~ Mm-hmm.
Well, you won't be thinking that when I'm a top model on the front page of Vogue.
Got to go cos they'll be wondering where I am.
HE SIGHS These napkins are all badly stained.
Have we got any more? No, them's all we've got.
Give us 'em here, I'll ask Julie to spray 'em and put them through a quick wash.
Are you going to tell Lord Hazelwood about the vet's bill? Nope.
No, it's not my problem.
If he doesn't pay it, he doesn't pay it.
What if you have to call the vet out again? We'll just need to hope Godfrey's numbers work out.
DAWN LAUGHS Yeah, don't hold your breath.
Ooh, by the way, I need your lottery money, Sarah.
It's three lines this week.
Three? How come? Oh, don't ask.
It's double rollover.
He reckons it's definite this week, bless him.
He really thinks he's cracked it.
~ Everything all right? ~ Yes, we're bang on schedule.
~ We were just wondering whether or not to light the fire.
~ Definitely.
And could you turn on the central heating again, Sean? Er, well, he's got it set to come on at There's a way to override the settings.
Evidently, it's in a cupboard in the boiler room.
Yeah, I know where it is And do you want it on all evening? If that's possible.
I'm wearing a dress and I don't want to sit there shivering.
Just don't mention it to Lord Hazelwood, that's all.
He tends to fret about these things.
Maybe he frets cos they're six-and-a-half million in debt.
~ Bloody hell.
~ Oh, my God.
~ How do you know? ~ He told me.
I knew they were broke, I didn't think they were that much in debt.
What they doing this dinner party for if they've got no money? They want to impress them but Lord Hazelwood don't want 'em here.
I'm not sure he's even up to it.
I've seen final demands in the study when I'm cleaning - they're that much, they make your eyes water.
Should've twigged.
Do you think we should be looking for another job? Yeah, and what's going to happen to my maternity pay when this baby comes? Don't know what we're going to do when you go off.
Maybe they'll take your Amy on full-time to cover.
No, Amy's not going to do it.
She can't wait to leave Scarborough and go to London.
She hates working here.
How we doing? Considering I ain't got a magic wand and just the one pair of hands, not too bad.
Have we got any of that stuff for stains? Er, cleaning cupboard in t' utility.
You better get yourself off to t' shop soon, I'll be needing stuff off that list.
Well, I will if the car starts.
Well, don't you go pushin' it in your condition.
You'd better put custard powder down on that list.
I'm not starting from scratch.
It's hard enough.
It's three years since I've done owt like this.
I'm all right with me usual, just, like, supper for three and a light lunch, but full-scale dinner party with no kitchen staff - it's too bloody hard! Erm, if I spray these napkins, will you run 'em through a rapid wash for me? I'll press 'em when I get back.
Yeah, yeah.
Just leave 'em there, I'll see to 'em.
Tea towels and aprons need to go in as well.
Oh! Godfrey! We're going to light a fire in the dining room ~ and the wood's getting low.
~ Okey dokey.
~ ENGINE REVS ~ Oh, look - there she goes, our fortunes in her hands.
What are you going to spend your winnings on, Sean? I'm not sure.
I'll think about it if it happens.
I'm going to buy a brand-new digital camera and then I'm going to take some proper photographs to help further Amy's career and then I'm going to HELICOPTER APPROACHES Oh, it looks like the Americans are early.
Shit.
I'd better get over there.
Sorry, Godfrey, you're going to have to take the wood up to the house yourself.
The grass, you're walking on the Take the wood up to the house meself.
I'll do that after this.
Ha-ha, look at this! Welcome to England, huh? Do you like that? Beautiful.
Let's just get our bags.
Bring the bags.
Come on, sweetheart, off we go.
~ Let Sean go ~ Yeah.
Yeah, if you just want to dump your bags, I'll start taking them up.
~ Bring some of the other bags.
~ Yeah, sure.
The only thing we're missing is the sun, you know what I mean? Leave the bags here, we'll get somebody to help us.
Come on, Tyler! So, it's exciting you're going to have a baby brother or sister soon.
It's not exciting, it's embarrassing.
They shouldn't even be doing it at their age.
Hopefully I'll be gone by the time it's born.
You don't mean that.
I do.
They're always early.
Will you let your mother know they're here? I think she's got supper planned for six o'clock.
What are we going to do with them till then? Get them pissed.
Spencer, please, And you had better get yourself changed into something more appropriate, my dear.
It's all in hand, Lady Hazelwood.
CASES RATTLE My goodness, how long do they think they're staying? Which room do you want these in? The Rose and the front bedrooms are the only ones fit for guests.
Rachel, great to see you.
Oh, my God, you look amazing.
The only woman I know who gets better with age! That's very kind of you to say.
Is there anybody to help us? We left our bags down by the gatepost.
Sadly, Henry had to leave us last year and we just have Sean now Yeah.
Tyler? ~ Good to see you, buddy.
~ Hey, sorry, business.
You good? How's it going? Nice to see you again, man.
And you must be the? Dad, it's Spencer.
~ I'm sorry, he's losing the plot ~ No, no, no.
~ I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
We went shooting together last time you were here but I think my hair was a bit longer.
Sure, I remember you now, Spencer.
Forgive me.
OK, so, introductions.
Now, this is my wife, Melissa ~ Hello.
~ .
.
and our friends Eddie and his girlfriend, Steph ~ Hi.
~ .
.
and that's Billy and his wife, Jess.
~ Hi.
~ Hey.
.
.
and this is Rachel.
She's the real McCoy - genuine British aristocracy, huh? Well, actually I'm not, but my husband is and he's really looking forward to meeting you.
Please, come through.
Go meet the Lord of the manor! Welcome to Hazelwood.
Please, have a sherry! Wow, this place is beautiful.
~ Stunning.
~ It's all authentic.
Look at the pictures.
If my memory serves me, that's got to be Queen Anne and King Charles.
~ Am I right, Rachel? ~ Yes, indeed.
~ Can I take your coats? ~ It's amazing.
~ I think I'm going to keep mine on.
Oh, yeah, me too, still getting used to the English weather.
Well, we've got a lovely fire in the sitting room, ~ if you'd just like to follow me.
~ Cheers.
~ Let's go through, honey.
~ It's amazing.
Do you want to give me your coat? Sure.
There you go.
Erm, are you OK with that? Don't worry, I'm not going to run off with it.
Tyler Mitchell, at your service.
Amy Stevenson, at yours.
I'll just get you your receipt there, darling.
~ There we are.
~ Thanks a lot.
Bye.
~ See you later.
Oh, God, you're late today.
I thought you werenae coming.
It's been mental.
We've got the Americans coming for the shoot, no extra help.
We're all racing round like blue-arsed flies.
Oh, I don't know how you manage.
Used to be 30 staff and now there's just five of us.
I hope they're paying you plenty.
Ha, must be joking! Can't even afford a new battery for the car.
Give me your basket here, give me that.
I'll get it.
What else do you need? ~ Brilliant, I've got a list.
~ All right.
Are you keeping all right? Yeah, now we've got over the shock, sort of coming round to the idea.
Ah, you'll love it.
I wish I'd had a late baby, you know.
You'll have loads more patience than you had with the other two.
I don't know about that, I feel like wringing our Amy's neck sometimes.
Does she still want to be a model? It's all she talks about.
We've tried putting her off it with the diabetes, cos models, they don't look after themselves.
No, they don't eat properly.
We've had more rows over that than anything else.
She thinks she's going to do catwalk.
She's a bonny-looking lassie, though.
Yeah, but she's not well.
Kids, eh? Thank God mine are both married and gone.
Did you hear about those two fellas that got swept out to sea ~ in a dingy this morning? ~ No.
I can't get signal at the house.
Now, are you paying for this? It's just they still haven't settled up last month's slate.
Right.
~ I will mention it to Lady Hazelwood.
~ Thanks, I'd appreciate that, just it's mounting up, you know.
I'm sure they've just forgotten.
Yeah.
Now, let's see, that is £88.
63.
~ Blooming heck.
~ There, you see.
~ Brilliant.
OK.
Oh, wait! No lottery tickets this week? Bloody hell, nearly forgot.
Thanks for reminding me.
I need 15 lines.
15? That's gone up.
Yeah, well, you know what he's like.
He's worked out another new system.
He's as mad as a box of frogs, that one.
I know, but what can we do? We've got to humour him.
He does them gardens all on his own, bless him.
He has a couple of volunteers come in on the weekends, but But that's it.
Anyway, it's three lines each this week.
Right, that's enough, Godfrey.
I think that one's just about done.
Now, I want you to take 'em up to our Sarah.
The old one with curly hair said he was starving hungry.
It's to be hoped he bloody is after I've gone to all this trouble! And Sarah's asking for aprons and napkins.
Here they are, I've ironed them.
I hope they're all right.
Erm, I didn't quite know what to do with the frilly bit but er What are you looking at, Godfrey? I was admiring your physique.
Are you saying I've got nice tits? Now, look what you've done - you've embarrassed him.
Oh, sorry, Godfrey, you know I'm only teasing, don't you? I love you to bits.
That's way too big! I'm going to look dead sackless.
Give me that pinny.
Oh, shit! Strap's broke.
Give us it here, give us it here.
Right, go on, take t' napkins up and take our Sarah's apron.
She'll be waiting on 'em.
~ Are you all right, love? ~ Yes.
Amy reminds me very much of an angel.
I don't think her mother would agree with you, but never mind.
~ I remember this room.
~ Oh, wow! ~ Isn't it magnificent? ~ Oh, this is impressive.
Please, sit down anywhere you want.
Melissa and Steph, perhaps you'd like to sit near the fire.
Oh, no, thanks, it's nice and warm in here.
So, these guys on the wall are your ancestors.
Charles, is that right? Yes, yes, the portrait above the fireplace is my great-great-grandfather, the 3rd Earl of Hazelwood.
Awesome, and are you an Earl? Yes, I'm the 8th Earl.
Like King Henry VIII.
Only not so many wives! ~ Too expensive.
~ Just two.
Charles' first wife sadly died when she was 42.
~ Oh, my God.
~ Aw, I'm sorry.
That is so young.
And she had all this.
She was a lovely woman.
She was my friend.
The chef would like you to know the amuse-bouche is palm heart with butternut squash and sugar snap.
I hope you enjoy.
~ Sounds great.
~ I bet a house this size costs a fortune to run? It certainly does, it eats money.
We're constantly looking for ways to run Would you like some wine, Lady Hazelwood? I was speaking, Amy.
White, please.
Yes, we're, er we're thinking of having a biomass heating system installed so we can use some of the wood chippings from the estate.
Wine, sir? Yeah, why not, son? Fill her up.
Tell you what - I'm so hungry, I could eat POLITE CHUCKLING I hope the food's as good as it was last time Unfortunately, we don't have the staff we had three years ago No, but our resident chef is doing her very best.
Well, we could have easily gone out to eat.
Oh, our chef would have been mortified, she likes a challenge.
It might be more rustic than fine dining, though.
We're very lucky to have Julie.
She's been with us for 35 years - she knows how to cook.
We couldn't possibly do without her.
Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
~ Cheers.
Right, get 'em up there before they drop.
~ Souffles, go, go, go, go, go! ~ Souffles.
~ Souffles.
~ Thanks, Godfrey.
Mmm! ~ She certainly hasn't lost her touch.
~ It's so light, it's wonderful.
Years of practice.
Thank you.
My pleasure.
You can top me up.
This is just delicious.
~ Oopsy! ~ Amy, really.
Sorry.
~ You clumsy clot.
~ I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
2 hours, 40 minutes and 13 seconds to the lottery draw.
Mmm.
Bloody delicious, if I say so myself.
Pies, Godfrey! Coming, game pie, game pie, very hot.
I've had the corner off that, it's lovely.
So, the girls are hoping to do a little shopping tomorrow, while we're out shooting.
I wondered if you might have a driver ~ or someone who could ~ No, not really.
There's only Sean and he'll be with you.
~ Sarah might do it.
~ It's Sarah's day off.
I don't mind, honestly.
I'll run you into town.
Oh, that's so kind, thank you.
You can show us where all the designer shops are.
I'm not sure I know where the designer shops are but I'll do my best.
Oh, they'll find them all right, don't you worry.
So, how are the golf courses doing? Oh, terrific.
Business is booming.
We've got, er How many have we got now, Eddie? Seven and we're just about to open our eighth.
~ Oh, amazing.
~ All in America? No, we have one in Dubai, two in Spain And one in China.
It's only a ten-hole but it's very popular.
We've a long waiting list.
Can you get the internet here? We could go online and show you.
Yeah, absolutely.
And we're going to hop over to Ireland after the shoot's finished to take a look at a stately home that's for sale.
~ It's a nice piece of land with the possibility ~ What about England? Have you ever fancied developing a golf course here? Your not talking about Hazelwood Manor, are you? Don't be ridiculous.
I didn't actually mean here but, er, seeing as you mention it, do you think it's a possibility? It doesn't matter if it's a possibility or not.
I'm just curious, that's all.
Just making conversation.
I don't want to offend anybody and I'm sure this beautiful house and the land will remain in the Hazelwood family for many generations to come (If we can afford it.
) .
.
but if you ever did even consider selling and we're still alive and kicking, I hope you would give us a shot at making the first bid.
~ Yes, of course.
~ Not while I draw breath.
It's all hypothetical, darling.
Just a bit of fun.
CHUCKLING I forget, how many acres do you have here now? That's a good question.
Sean, how many acres of land do we have? ~ 90.
~ A perfect 18-hole course Charles, that was a joke.
Charles, I'm sorry, I was just teasing.
DISTANT SHOUTING: Amy! ~ Where are you? ~ What the hell's that? I want to talk to you! ~ Oh, I'm so sorry, I think it's ~ It's your bloody idiot boyfriend! ~ He's not me boyfriend! ~ Nothing to worry about.
Please, do start.
We don't want the pies to get cold.
~ Is Amy in there? ~ Please start.
~ Tell her I want to talk to her.
~ Is he dangerous? ~ He's not dangerous, he's just mental.
I want to talk to Amy! ~ Amy, I want to talk to you! ~ Oi! Hey, that's enough, mate.
No, I just, I just want to talk to Amy, mate.
Look, I've rung her like ten times and she hasn't answered once.
Yeah, but we don't always get a signal up here at the house, do we? Anyway, you can't come here shouting your mouth off, wee man.
There's a dinner party on in there.
I don't give a flying fuck, mate.
I'm not going anywhere, right, till I've talked to Amy.
AMY! Right, you degenerate scrote, you've got ten seconds to get off our land or I'm going to pull this trigger and pop your brains clean out of your skull ~ Hey, Spencer.
~ One, two ~ Just be careful with that gun, the safety isn't on and the trigger's very sensitive.
~ .
.
three, four ~ You think you're a big man? Think you're better than me ~ cos you've got a mansion and all your fucking money! ~ .
.
seven ~ You go.
~ .
.
nine I'll get Amy to ring you on the house phone, OK? You think I won't do it, don't you? ~ What do you want? ~ Amy! Oh.
Get off me! I don't want you here! ~ GUNSHO ~ Jesus Christ! ~ For God's sake! You heard what the girl said.
She doesn't want you here.
You'll regret this, Amy.
You will.
They won't ask you again if you cause trouble.
I don't want to be asked again.
I'm just embarrassed cos that fit American looked at me like I'd crawled out from under a stone when Spencer said he were me boyfriend.
Well, we told you months ago to finish with him properly.
I did finish with him! Yes, and then you start seeing him again.
We're not stupid, Amy.
Cos he pesters me, that's why.
Because you encourage him, that's why! I don't! ~ You think you know everything, don't you? ~ Come on, love.
We know nothing about him.
He come in with the new fair rides and that's it.
~ I think he's got a screw loose ~ Why? Cos he likes me? Cos he pays me attention? All you care about is this new baby.
Please don't argue.
You sound like a two-year-old.
It's time you grew up.
To be honest, it happened just at the right time.
Things were getting pretty tense over dinner.
Spencer boy was asking the Americans if they'd be interested in buying Hazelwood if it came up for sale.
~ No way! ~ It's true.
And what did they say? They said they'd be really interested cos they'd turn it into a golf course.
~ They said that in front of Lord Hazelwood? ~ Yep.
I think that's what they've got them here for.
Poor bugger.
It's a wonder he didn't have another stroke.
What would happen to all the flowers and the vegetable garden? It'd be all gone, Godfrey.
It'd be landscaped grass with 18 holes in it.
That would be an absolute catastrophe.
According to your Sarah, they might not have a choice.
Six-and-a-half million in debt - place needs a fortune spending on it.
Well, she never said owt to me.
So what your saying is we could be all down the road anyway? Yeah, in a nutshell.
Where am I going to find a job at my age? Right, we're going to miss the draw if we don't all head over to the gatehouse, where a glass of some home-made nettle wine awaits.
Some of us haven't finished work yet, Godfrey.
And I am knackered.
You've got to come, we're going to win.
It's an accumulation of seven years of mathematical data.
~ We could watch it on iPlayer.
~ If we can get a signal.
Why don't you go and get your wine, Godfrey.
I feel like getting pissed.
You're not having a drink.
I can have a glass of wine if I want.
'Thanks, Darren, and congratulations to our eight-strong syndicate 'that worked in the shirt factory in Rochdale 'that won five-and-a-half million the week before last' Five-and-a-half million, can you imagine? What I could do with that.
Wouldn't have to worry about finding another job.
No more after that, Amy, it's full of sugar.
Have you had your insulin? God, why are you always getting on at me? Can't I enjoy meself for two minutes? Shh! Need to concentrate now.
Dawn, do you have the ticket? Er, yeah, got it here, in me pocket, safe and sound.
~ I take it you've signed the ~ 'Release the balls.
'Good luck, everybody.
'Best of luck, everybody.
'OK, our first ball's out tonight 'and it's number 9.
' ~ 9, that's good.
~ 'Last seen five weeks ago, 'number 9 is one of our least popular numbers drawn.
' That's a very good start and we only lose three lines.
'And the second ball out tonight, it's our old friend number 2.
' Yes, it's 2.
We still have ten lines remaining, excellent.
'2 is one of Mercury Millions most common numbers drawn.
' Only according to the out average ratio which is ~ BELL RINGS ~ They'll want their port and cheese.
~ It's all right, I'll go.
~ '.
.
the third ball out tonight' ~ Can you take the wrappers off, love? ~ '.
.
what a coincidence, ~ 'it's number 3.
' ~ 3? No, it can't be 3.
3's only followed 2 six times since the lottery began.
It doesn't matter, Godfrey.
'3 last made an appearance just a month ago.
' Yes, but not consecutive to 2 - it was drawn after 15 and then it was drawn after number 25! It's all right, Godfrey, it's just a bit of fun.
All right, she's coming! '.
.
number 22' We're still in with a chance, still got three lines remaining.
'.
.
just last week.
The next ball, 'and it's number 18.
' 18? That doesn't make sense.
There's no pattern, no logic - how can it be 18? ~ It doesn't matter, love.
~ 'And our last ball 'and it's number 36.
~ 'Last seen 15 weeks ago' ~ Well, that's it.
I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say.
I feel like a complete fraud, like I've raised all your hopes.
No, you haven't, Godfrey, it was only you that really thought we were going to win.
I'm so disappointed, I feel like I've let you all down.
~ You haven't, it's only the lottery.
~ Don't be daft.
What we've never had, we'll never miss.
Now, pour us another glass of that bloody horrible wine.
~ '.
.
in numerical order, that's 2, 3, 9' ~ BELL RINGS Turn it off, turn it off! Do you mind? That's Sarah's, you'll break it.
I don't want to hear it, shut up! ~ All right, Godfrey, don't throw a fit! ~ It was only six quid.
I think I'm going to go home now, I don't feel very well.
Godfrey! Don't go! He gets worse every week.
I really think we should stop doing it.
I don't think he can cope.
I'm going to see if he's all right.
Just let him calm down, love, leave him alone.
Get off me back, will you?! DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS SHU She's just going through a phase.
I wish she'd hurry up and get through it.
She's driving me and Andy insane.
Godfrey! Godfrey, wait for me! Godfrey, it's not your fault we didn't win.
You did your best! Nobody really thought we'd win.
I don't want to talk to you! Maybe the numbers are random, maybe there's no way to mathematically ~ Of course there's a mathematical way to work it out ~ Don't shout, I'm only trying to help.
~ Everything has a numerological equation.
~ Listen to me I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO YOU! RUSTLING, INDISTINCT ANIMAL NOISE Do you think we should tell Godfrey? ~ It might make him feel better.
~ Tell him what? ~ I need 15 lines.
~ 15? That's gone up.
Yeah, well, you know what he's like, he's worked out another new system.
He's mad as a box of frogs, that one.
Anyway, it's three lines each this week but we've all said, it is only this week Oh, damn it, do you know what? I have left the numbers in me overall pocket.
I'll have to phone Julie.
I don't know if I'm doing this right.
I can't break off love, they're already here.
I've never used an electric iron in my entire life.
HE SINGS (I can't see your overall, love - where did you take it off?) (Look, just make 'em up, he'll never know.
) Hey, do you want me to iron Dawn's overall? No, no, give us it here.
It's nylon, it doesn't need ironing.
Why don't you put the tureens in the bottom warming oven? Just think, four hours and we'll all be multimillionaires.
I'd put her overall in t' wash.
With the list of numbers Godfrey gave me in the pocket so I just made some other numbers up instead.
So even if Godfrey's numbers had come up, we still wouldn't have won.
I tell you what, though, me heart were in me mouth when I thought we were in with a chance.
Have you checked the numbers, then? ~ What numbers? ~ On the ticket you bought.
No, didn't even know what numbers I come up with.
I were that worried about Godfrey's numbers winning, I couldn't think straight.
Well, give us the ticket.
I remember there were a 2 and then a 3 Yeah, cos that's when he started shouting when the 3 come out.
.
.
and there were an 18.
He definitely didn't like that.
2, 3 and 18 You've got three lines with 2, 3 and 18.
~ Have I? ~ Yeah.
Oh, yeah, cos 2nd's our Amy's birthday, 3rd's Andy's, 18th's mine.
~ There should be a 22 there as well cos that's Noah's birthday.
~ What is up with this? Can't remember any more though, Valerie were just shouting 'em out at me in the end.
~ So bloody slow ~ It drives our Sarah mad.
Maybe they're online upstairs.
Don't worry, we'll check 'em tomorrow.
I'd better get off.
Our Andy'll think I've left home.
Wait, hold on, hold on.
It's not great but we're online.
Lottery results BELL RINGS I am not doing owt else.
You've had your pudding and your cheese! You can bugger off! Do you want me to go? No, no, I bloody don't! Kitchen's closed.
We've been on since half seven this morning.
It doesn't look like Godfrey's coming back.
Your Amy'll sweet talk him round, he loves her to bits.
He'll be dead chuffed that she went after him Hey, you've got 22 Ah, shit, connection's gone again.
~ You've definitely got four numbers, Dawn.
~ Right.
~ What's that mean? ~ This is bloody useless It means we might have won twenty quid each, if we're lucky.
More port? TYLER: And this is the hotel Right up to the top - there's a girl.
.
.
which we are very proud of but, yeah, it's got pretty much everything.
What it lacks in distance, it makes up for in pleasure As the actress said to the bishop.
CHUCKLING We even have a lake here.
I'll have a drop more, please, Sarah.
Are you sure that's a good idea, Lord Hazelwood? I think it's a perfectly terrific idea.
KNOCK AT DOOR Excuse me, sorry to interrupt.
Sarah, could I have a word? What is it, Sean? Oh, nothing, it's just I think we might have won something on the lottery and I can't get a signal downstairs or in the study I just wondered if Well, come in, don't stand in the doorway, come in and sit down.
I'm sure Tyler here can help you out.
He seems to be a whizz with computers, just like his father is a whizz with the golf courses.
Sure, give it here.
I haven't seen one of these for ages ~ So what do you want me to do? ~ Nothing, I just need the Wi-Fi.
Sure, sure.
He didn't mean all of you.
~ Sorry! ~ We'll wait outside.
No, you won't.
What are you apologising for? Come in.
Gentlemen, this is Julie, she's responsible for the terrific feast we've had this evening.
Ah, the food was fantastic! You are one hell of a chef, Julie - I've never eaten food quite like it.
You know, if you ever need a job in the States, just give me a call.
Don't be telling her that, she'll be asking for a raise.
Spencer! He has no idea how to treat anybody.
~ I was joking ~ Thank you, I might take you up on that, ~ but it were a team effort.
And this is Dawn ~ Well done, Dawn.
.
.
and she helped a lot.
And where's Little Miss Scarborough? Who's that? Amy, the pretty young waitress.
She was crowned Miss Scarborough last year.
Well, she is really stunning.
So you all, er, live in the house? Me and Sarah have got a flat on t' top floor.
And that's, like, the, erm servants' quarters? We've got 36! I just picked some random numbers.
Oh, my God.
We've got all six numbers and the bounty ball.
I don't understand.
I thought we didn't have the right It means that we've won the bloody lottery.
I think we might have won 14-and-a-half million pounds! Oh, my God, oh, my God! Oh, my God! I'm sorry about the coffee.
I've no idea why they're not answering.
Maybe they've just finished for the night.
No, they don't finish until we're finished.
~ DISTANT SCREAMING ~ Oh, my God! What the hell's that? It's all right, it's just the foxes.
God, that really spooked me.
It sounded like someone was being murdered.
We hear it most nights.
I love you, God! About time summat good happened! ~ I can't wait to tell Amy! ~ Godfrey's going to go mental! ~ Wait for me! ~ Godfrey! Come on, Mum.
Godfrey! ~ Godfrey! ~ Godders! We've got something really exciting to tell you, Godfrey! Godfrey! Open up.
Come on.
Godders! What do you want? We've won the lottery! Why are you saying this? Are you deliberately doing this to make me feel bad? Go away! ~ No, it's the truth! ~ We've won 14-and-a-half million.
~ We're millionaires! ~ I forgot your bit of paper with the numbers on so I just made up some numbers.
You made them up? With birthdays and that, look, you can check the numbers online.
I don't need to check, I know the winning numbers.
~ He's in shock, I can hardly believe it meself.
~ It's incredible.
All these years I've been trying to work it out and you just picked some silly numbers.
~ Sorry.
~ Listen it were my fault, right, OK, I put her overall in t' wash but it doesn't matter.
~ We still won! ~ It's bloody brilliant! Ah, congratulations, love.
We've hit the jackpot.
Where's our Amy? I don't know, I think she went back to the house.
I'm afraid I wasn't in a fit state to be humoured.
I am going to go back to the house to find her.
Hang on, I'll come with you.
We've won the lottery! ~ Godfrey! ~ Come on, Godfrey, lighten up.
It's amazing what's happened.
Don't you realise our lives are going to completely change? I DON'T LIKE CHANGE! It's been a long day.
If you don't mind, I think I'm going to take two of my paroxetine and go to bed.
Godfrey! God, you look bloody freezing.
Here.
Thank you.
Amy! Amy? Where's she gone? She can't be far.
Ring her mobile.
Go on.
It's very hard to lose a child at that age.
I mean, they knew that Edwin's life expectancy wasn't good, but still, I think it hit Charles and Lydia really hard.
I don't think Lydia ever recovered.
They didn't try for another child? You know, to carry on the Hazelwood dynasty.
I mean, who's going to be the 9th Earl? I'm not sure.
I think they were both very frightened the same thing might happen again.
I'm sorry, that was really insensitive.
And then Lydia took ill.
Have you seen Amy, Lady Hazelwood? No, I'm afraid not.
~ It is polite, Sarah, to knock before ~ Sorry, erm I've been calling down to the kitchen.
Our guests would like some coffee ~ Sorry, but we can't find Amy.
~ I'm sure she'll be somewhere.
Could you ask Julie to rustle up a cafetiere and the chocolates, please? Yeah.
Hiya, love.
Is your dad there? ~ Aww, where's he gone? ~ 'I don't know where he is.
' Well, that's a bit weird.
Did he say when he'd be back? Where is she? Sarah's gone upstairs to look for her.
Shh-shh, hang on.
Oh, wait, he's here now, Mum.
~ Dad! ~ All right, lad.
~ It's me mam.
~ Oh, right.
You all right? ~ Hiya, what's up? ~ 'Hiya, love.
' Whoa, whoa, hang on a minute.
Hang on a minute, slow down Well, I can't understand a word your saying.
Oh, come on, I've just got in, I'm knackered.
I've just been for a pint with the lads! Come on, get on with it.
I've got to help Noah with his homework.
What? Say that again.
How much? Hang on a minute, hang on, you're babbling.
~ I can't understand a word you're saying.
~ Dad, what is it? ~ Wait, wait, wait.
~ Dad, what is it?! ~ Dad? ~ Your mum thinks we might have won over 14 million quid on t' lottery 14 million? Here, check the numbers, check the numbers.
Birthdays - your mam's and yours.
Jesus! Ha! Yeah, Amy.
~ Amy, Amy! ~ Dad, Dad, she's not in! Oh, yeah, she's No I thought she was with you.
Well, she was, but then she went off to do something.
Don't worry, she'll probably be upstairs.
~ What are you going to do? ~ I'm going to buy me own house.
~ BELL RINGS ~ I'm going to go on a cruise to the Caribbean.
I'm going to start up me own cookery school.
She's not upstairs, I've checked all the rooms ~ but nobody's seen her since supper.
~ That's funny.
She can't just disappear.
We're going to ring the lottery line now.
I just wanted to let you know.
Lady Hazelwood's asking for coffee and chocolates.
She can go to hell.
We're going to ring the lottery line now.
All right, ta-ra, love.
Where's Amy? Don't know but she's definitely not upstairs.
Yeah, just ring your mam or the house.
Let us know where you are.
We might have some good news! Yeah, so don't be late, eh? Ta-ra.
Oh, it's your dad by the way! Shit, Dad, that's my birthday, that's Amy's birthday Hey, hey, and that's mine and your mam's.
We've won! Shit.
Do you think we really could've won the lottery? Don't know, son.
Stuff like this don't happen to t' likes of us.
~ It's just ringing out.
~ Have you got the right number? It's the number on the back of the ticket.
It says you can ring any time Don't worry, love, she'll turn up.
You know what they're like at that age - they don't think about anybody but themselves.
She's probably buggered off into town.
Yeah, she usually lets me know.
She were in a funny mood, though.
Yeah, you're right.
~ She's probably done it on purpose just to worry me.
~ Exactly.
~ Hi.
~ 'Can I help?' ~ She'll have come here after she talked to Godfrey and we'll have been upstairs.
~ Well, I hope so.
I think we've won the lottery.
~ Shh, Mam! ~ 'What's your name?' ~ Sean McGary.
No, no, it was my colleague ~ Dawn Stevenson that bought the ticket.
~ 'Is your colleague with you now?' Oh, right She says she's going to have to talk to you.
~ 'Hello?' ~ Hello? ~ 'Hello, is that Dawn?' ~ Yes, I'm Dawn Stevenson.
Erm, Scarborough.
'Where did you purchase the ticket?' The local supermarket down on the front There's five of us.
'And is that syndicate registered officially?' No, we're not in a registered syndicate.
We just pool us money together every week.
'OK, no problem.
' Right, hang on a minute.
(Where's the ticket?) 2, 3, 9, 18, 22, 36.
Bounty ball, number 10 ~ What's she saying? ~ Have we won? She wants to know if she can meet us all tomorrow morning, half nine.
Have we hit the jackpot? Are they the right numbers? I think so.
She said they were the right numbers.
Oh, my God! Can you believe it? ~ Tell her we'll meet her here.
~ Hello? Yes, please.
Can we meet you here at Hazelwood Manor, Scarborough? ~ YO12 ~ YO12 ~ .
.
1OQ.
~ .
.
1OQ.
~ Thank you, thank you very much.
~ 'All right, Dawn.
' I asked for a cafetiere and chocolates over half an hour ago.
That's Amy's bag.
Yes, it was left in the hall under the table.
Now, are you going to make coffee or do I have to do it myself? I'd say, yes, you do.
Cafetiere's in t' cupboard over there, coffee's in t' jar next to it, chocolates are in t' fridge.
We've all done a 16-hour day, so if you want coffee, help yourself.
Mum! ~ LAUGHING: Mum! ~ Well, she bloody needed telling.
~ I can't believe you! ~ We've won the lottery! THEY LAUGH AND CHEER That's our Amy's insulin pen.
She wouldn't go anywhere without that.
Her life depends on it.
Ring her again.
PHONE RINGS She's not answering.
She wouldn't go off without telling us, she's not that kind of girl.
What about if she's found murdered on the moorlands? Godfrey, have you any idea what they're looking for? If anything happens to me, don't let them sell Hazelwood Manor to the Americans.
You are playing a very dangerous game, my dear.