The Tudors s04e02 Episode Script

- Previously, on The Tudors.
I've been deceived about Anne of Cleves.
If I had known what I know now, she would never have been brought here.
- It is my duty to inform you that Parliament have found your marriage to the King to be invalid.
- Gentlemen and Ladies of the Court, I come here this day to present to you- My new wife: Queen Katherine.
- Queen Katherine! - I feel almost like a new man, Charles.
Should the man that woman gives herself to always be happy? Sex, Charles, is a great medicine.
- I do not know who to say this to, Mr.
Culpepper.
I am not so used to everyone looking at me.
- My Lady, you must give men leave to look- There is no help for it.
- Tell me, my Lord Surrey, how do you find the English Court? - I find it full of men of vile birth.
- His family have royal blood.
Surely even you can see the merits of dealing with him! - I invited you here because I wanted to be friends.
- What kind of friends? - Lady Mary, it is my dearest wish that you and I may be warm to each other.
After all, you are now my stepdaughter.
- Your old friend is here: Miss Joan Bulmer.
- Do you remember when you-know- who used to come in? Late at night? And slip into bed? - For God's sake, be careful what you say! - She's a little fireball.
- Too hot for you, Mr.
Culpepper.
- Really? Just picture her naked body, those breasts, those thighs- that sweet little arse.
- All those things belong to the King.
- How happy her Majesty must be, Lady Rochford.
It seems to me she does nothing but dance and rejoice! - She has every reason to be happy, Mr.
Culpepper.
The King spoils her.
Almost every day he buys her new dresses or jewels.
It seems he cannot treat her well enough! I presume the King is also very happy? - His Majesty seems like a new man.
He rises between 5 and 6 am, attends Mass at 7, rides out early to hunt, comes back at 10 for dinner, and attends to business in the afternoon.
I think his new rule of living is intended to keep him fit- if you understand me.
- I suppose he would needs be fit, if he wants to satisfy her.
- She is very-appealing.
- She's just a fool, Mr.
Culpepper.
A sweet little fool! - How about you, Lady Rochford? It's been some time since George Boleyn's death; you've not remarried? - No.
[Music stops, crowd applauds.]
- The Duke of Suffolk, your Majesty.
- Charles, I have something I want to show you.
I've had a medal struck- to commemorate my marriage.
- "Henricus VIII: Rutilands rosa sine spina.
" "My rose without a thorn.
" - Tell me: how is Anne of Cleves? - I believe she has settled into her new estates, and shows every sign of being grateful for your Majesty's charity and generosity.
I also understand that she has maintained her relationships with your Majesty's daughters and often asks them to dine with her.
- Risley.
- Majesty.
- We shall write to the Lady Anne to thank her for being so conformable, and to assure her that if she continues in this way, she will find in us a perfect friend, content to repute her as our dearest sister.
- Majesty.
[Door opens and closes.]
- Does the Duchess love you any better, Charles? - She seems to but only for the sake of appearances.
- How can I help you Charles? - Well, when she consents to make love to me again strike a medal to commemorate it! [Laughs.]
[Music.]
- My Lady.
- My Lord Surrey.
- I had rather trusted to hear from you.
- Why? - When we supped together, you gave me to suppose that- - Mr.
Culpepper.
- Your Majesty.
- That I what, my Lord? - That you would oblige me and accommodate my desire.
- If I gave you that impression I am truly sorry.
It was far from my intention.
- Sleep with me.
- No.
- Don't you know who I am? - Of course I know who you are.
And you know who my husband is! - Yes I do! He's a Seymour.
His family are wolves.
Mine are lions! Forgive me for aiming so low! - My Lord, his Majesty wants to see you.
- The Earl of Hertford, your Majesty.
- I wish I could go dancing like all of you! Whenever I hear the music, I feel like nobody has a care in the world! Look at my cares! I had someone once who could take care of all of this! But now he's gone! How is my son? - Prince Edward is very well.
He is a strong and healthy boy.
He does his father proud.
- Thank God.
- I trust he will soon be followed by other princes.
- I'm making you a new appointment.
I'm making you Lieutenant General to the North.
Recently, there's been too many incursions over the border from Scotland into England.
I want you to deal with my cousin, the King of the Scots, and I want these incursions stopped.
If he does not stop them, you have our express permission to harry and persecute the people on his side of the border with as much aggression and as much force as you see fit.
- I understand.
- We might, in time, meet our cousin, King James.
For all we know, he may not be as stupid as he appears.
But for now, I am trusting you to ensure that the Scots cease their impertinence.
Katherine! - Oh God, oh fuck me! - Katherine! - Oh, fuck me oh yes oh yes - Oh, Katherine! - Oh yes oh yes oh God Oh just fuck me [Henry and Katherine in the background.]
- Go on! Tell me more! - I promised her I wouldn't.
- Dearest Joan, you can tell me.
I'm responsible for everything to do with the Queen.
So, I have to know everything.
That way, I can protect her.
So-when you both lived at Lambeth, under the protection of the Duchess, what exactly happened? - There were these two Gallants.
They were called Frances Dereham and Edward Waldegrave, who was a Gentleman in Waiting upon the Duchess.
Anyway, they found a way to call, secretly, at night, upon Katherine and me.
And they would lie in our beds all night.
You with Waldegrave and Katherine with this Francis Dereham? - Yes.
That's how it was.
- And what would these gentlemen do to you? [Henry and Katherine in the background.]
- Didn't anyone say anything? Didn't they find out? - Well, if Dereham used her as a man doth his wife, it was only because she thought herself already betrothed to him.
Like on a promise.
It went on between them a long time.
[Katherine and Henry in the background.]
Still, you won't tell anyone, will you? You won't say anything? She made me swear! - No.
I won't say anything.
- [Man.]
: Good morning! It's a lovely day today! - [Peddler.]
: Come on! Get out of my way! What are you looking at? - [Man.]
Take a bushel! - [Man.]
: Oy! - [Man.]
: Hey, clear out of here, you fucking slut! - Hey! What in God's name are you doing?! - Starin' at a real woman, are you? - What are you looking at? Eh? - Good sport my Lord, good sport! - -ain't right! - The Earl of Surrey has been jailed for public disorder, your Majesty.
- The Earl maintained he was the scourge of God? - Yes, your Majesty.
- And called London itself "a shameless whore"? - Yes.
He did indeed so.
- What about eating meat during Lent? - He told us he had a licence to do so.
But- - But what? - Um, Bishop Gardiner suspects my Lord Surrey of obtaining his meat on the black market, from some evangelical butchers in Honey Lane, near the church of All Hallows.
This same church, your Majesty, is suspected by some of secretly sowing and setting forth Lutheran heresies, and of deliberately flouting the fasting laws.
- [Man.]
: Pound it back! - I never thought Surrey could be a heretic.
His father is closer to a Papist although to my face, he pretends otherwise! - His Grace and I would be inclined, with your Majesty's permission, to examine the Earl more closely on these fundamental matters.
- You want to torture him? No.
Release him-for now.
- Majesty.
- We should make plans for the New Year.
- Yes, your Majesty.
- I would like to invite the Lady Mary to court.
- [Man.]
: Is that one all right? - I'd also like to invite Anne of Cleves for New Year's celebrations.
- [Man.]
: Bring that through.
Fasten it here.
That's it.
Bring it around this way.
- Two rods! - My Lady, here are your presents from the King.
- Presents! - So beautiful! - Look! - So shiny! - Smell! Smells of roses! - It's lovely.
- It's perfect! - My Lady! Look! - Oh my! - His Majesty spoils you! - I know he does! But am I not worth it? [Giggling.]
Feel it, it's so soft.
I am the Queen of England.
[Giggling.]
- Oh gold! - I love gold! It goes with my dress.
Happy Christmas, Ladies.
- Happy Christmas, your Majesty.
- Where are we going? - There are more presents.
- More?! - What do you think? - They're beautiful.
- They were sent ahead by Anne of Cleves as a gift.
She arrives tomorrow.
- Anne of Cleves? - Yes.
I've invited her for New Year.
You don't mind, do you? - No, of course I don't mind.
Your Majesty must do as you will.
But-will I like her, this Anne of Cleves? - Wait and see.
- I hope the Lady Mary will be more gracious than before.
[Instrumental music.]
[Door opening.]
- My Lords, Lady Mary.
- Your Majesty.
- My beautiful daughter, Mary.
Say hello to the Queen.
- Madam.
- Lady Mary.
I am very glad to see you back at court.
- Thank you for my gifts.
Your Majesty, as always, is more than generous.
- Charles.
[Music starts.]
- Lady Anne.
- Your Grace.
I remember that you once taught me to play cards.
I am very grateful.
As a result of your tuition, I have won a fortune! [Laughs.]
[Knocking.]
- My Lords, Lady Anne of Cleves! - Lady Anne, welcome to my court.
- Your Majesty.
Happy Christmas.
- Allow me to introduce to you my new wife, Queen Katherine.
- Lady Anne.
- Your Majesty.
What a great privilege and honour it is for me to be presented to you.
I am so delighted.
- You are very welcome to court, Lady Anne.
We thank you so much for the two fine horses you sent, and wish you a very happy New Year.
- Thank you, your Majesty.
I think we should all be merry! - Yes! [Applause.]
[Music begins.]
- Ladies.
Excellency.
You are not well? - These days I suffer a little from gout, Lady Mary.
- Please sit.
- Thank you.
- You are and always have been my most faithful and truest friend in all this world.
I could not bear it if you were ever to leave here.
[Katherine and Henry laughing.]
He ought not to have divorced the Lady Anne.
Now that I know her better, I think she is perfectly sweet and gracious.
- Nevertheless, Lady Mary, I fear that you will have to reconcile yourself to the new Queen.
- No, I will not.
I hate her.
- Then, perhaps, after all, you do not require my advice any more.
[Henry laughing.]
- My Lady, I wanted to ask if you had any news of my brother Edward? - He's well enough.
Cold, but well.
Wet, but well.
Apparently, it always rains in the north, and the mud is free.
- Will he see some action? - I believe he intends to punish the Scots for their terrible wickedness.
- That sounds very like my brother.
- If only you could be more like him, Sir Thomas.
- What do you mean? - My husband always takes what he wants.
- Ladies, you must forgive me.
I rode out early to hunt this morning and am very tired.
We shall dine again together tomorrow evening.
Lady Anne.
- Majesty.
- My beautiful wife.
Now, I must insist you stay to enjoy the dancing.
Boy! Boy! Lady Mary! I bid you all a good night.
Happy New Year! - [All.]
: Happy New Year, Your Majesty! - I wonder will you have some more wine, Lady Anne? - With pleasure, if your Majesty will.
- Yes.
Wine.
- Your Majesty.
- Thank you.
- Lady Anne.
[Nervous giggle.]
- His Majesty tells me that his daughter, the Lady Elizabeth, sometimes comes to see you.
How do you find her? - Oh, she is charming.
So clever.
And so beautiful.
And so very affectionate.
It is always a pleasure to see her.
- Thank you.
- You see, I have no desire to remarry, so I am sure I will never have any children of my own.
I think a little that Elizabeth is like a daughter to me.
Surely it is so: to have had her as a daughter would have been a greater happiness to me than ever being Queen.
- Jesus Christ! [Screams.]
That's better.
- May I ask Your Majesty a question? - Go on.
- Why did your Majesty invite Lady Anne of Cleves for Christmas? - I like her, after all.
She keeps her promises, boy.
- Majesty? Come! [Song ends, applause.]
[New song begins.]
- So, what did this Joan Bulmer tell you? - She said that on the nights Dereham visited Katherine's bed, he would bring with him wine, strawberries, and apples, and other things to make good cheer.
- And then? - Then - What then? - There would be kissing and-he would pull down his hose and lie down with her.
And the two of them would hang by their bellies like two sparrows.
- Come here.
And the two of them would hang by their bellies like two sparrows.
- Why are you here? - Taking what I want.
Just like my brother does.
Just like he's always done.
- And what if I don't want it? What if I call my servants? - You won't.
And you know why? Because you hate my brother.
You hate him almost as much as I hate him but you can't tell anyone except me.
- Well, Mr.
Seymour, come into my bed.
Enjoy what your brother enjoys.
It will be interesting to compare you.
- Credo in unum Deum patris omnipotentum.
Credo in unum Deum patris omnipotentum.
Patris omnipotentum.
- My Lady! My Lady! The Queen is here! - Your Majesty.
- Lady Mary, I have come here in person to ask you why you will not show me the respect which, as Queen of England, I am entitled to expect even from you.
I noticed, as did everyone else, that you show the greatest respect to the Lady Anne of Cleves, even though she is now just a private person and worth no account.
- Forgive me.
But surely the Lady Anne is worthy of every respect? She carries herself with great dignity and also modesty, and desires nothing more than to please the King her Lord.
- Do you mean I do not try to please him? - I think you desire almost nothing else than pleasure! It pleases you, it seems, to do nothing but wear pretty clothes and dance.
Some people may think that frivolous, in the consort of a King whose flesh is also sacred.
- If his Majesty thought me only frivolous, why did he marry me? - You are thought capable of bearing sons.
Unfortunately, for all the King's attentions, I see you are still not pregnant.
In any case, he will soon tire of you.
You'll see.
- And what about you? - And what about me? - I think you're jealous.
You're jealous because you're much older than me and you're still not married.
Perhaps you'll never be married, and will grow old a maid! - How dare you speak to me like that.
- I dare because I can.
And I can do something else, too.
As punishment for your lack of respect towards his Majesty's wife, I am removing two of your maids from your service.
A good day to you, Lady Mary.
- Here's to love.
- To Katherine, Queen of England.
And, God willing, may you soon be ripe with children.
- Thank you.
Both of you.
You are so kind, Lady Anne and my gracious lord.
I am the most happy I have ever been in my whole life.
- I have a gift for you.
- Oh my God! - May I please see it, your Majesty? - Oh, what's this? Not more presents?! - Do you like them? - Oh, I just adore them.
They're so pretty.
Oh! But - But? - With your Majesty's permission, I would like to share these gifts with the Lady Anne.
- With me?! No! - May I? - Of course.
- Oh, thank you! So sweet! - They're yours.
- Thank you, Katherine! - Happy New Year, Lady Anne, Happy New Year.
- Oh! - Hello! Hello.
Isn't he sweet? [Giggling.]
- Lady Mary! What are you doing? - I'm going back to Hunsdon.
- Have you asked his Majesty's permission? Why are you leaving? - Haven't you heard? She has removed two of my maids! - The Queen? - Apparently I don't treat her with sufficient respect.
- Madam, please.
I am sure if you found some small means to conciliate the Queen, then the maids would probably be allowed to remain-- - No! Why should I? I don't want to conciliate her.
- What did she say to you? - She said that I'm jealous of her.
Because she is married and I'm not.
And may never be.
- She ought not to have said such things.
- No, but they're true! They're true! - My sweet Lady.
My poor sweet Lady.
- Lady Rochford.
- How is the King today, Mr.
Culpepper? - He is very well, your Majesty.
He sends you his love and hopes you are well looked after and entertained? - I wanted to go riding today but the weather was too bad.
- I'm very sorry to hear it.
His Majesty wants you to know that the military campaign against the Scots has been a great success, and he is most pleased with Lord Hertford and his other Captains, who performed well in the field.
- Which field? - It means the battlefield.
- Ah.
I'm glad.
- Glad? - That they did so well.
In the field.
Is there anything else, Mr.
Culpepper? - Yes, yes.
This book.
It was written by one Richard Jonas, who came here to England in the train of Anne of Cleves, and obviously meant to dedicate it to his mistress.
But now, with your Majesty's permission, he would like to dedicate it to you.
- What is it? Give it me.
"The Byrthe of Mankind"? - I believe it's the first major work on midwifery to be written in English.
- Midwifery? - Mr.
Jonas would now like to dedicate it to the most gracious and in all goodness, most excellent, virtuous lady, Queen Katherine.
[Laughs.]
[Moaning.]
- Oh! Thomas! OhAh! - I wonder what it would feel like? - What what would feel like? - I suppose I should go down to her with wine, apples, and strawberries, although they are all out of season.
- Who are you talking about? - Who do you think I'm talking about? Hanging by their bellies like two sparrows! - Do you really want to? - What? - If you do, I could arrange it.
- My Lord.
- Your Grace.
- Your Grace.
[Henry screaming.]
- Thank God, your Grace! - What's happened? - Come.
Come! [Henry screaming.]
- How bad is it? - Your Grace, the ulcer on his Majesty's leg has unfortunately become clogged again.
We have no option but to drain off the fluid which has collected there.
Otherwise-we fear for his Majesty's life! - Forgive me, Majesty [Henry screaming.]
- This is worse than ever before, your Grace.
- What happens if the King should die? - Your Grace must pray to heaven that he does not.
- But he looks likely to die! - That is what I'm afraid of.
- My Lords, I assure you that I am not content.
I have relied upon you to inform and counsel me -and yet I am the most deceived.
I have trusted and favoured all of you.
I have formed a sinister opinion that most of you are liars and flatterers who look only to your own profits.
I know what you are plotting.
And if God gives me the strength, I will see to it that none of your projects ever succeed! I mourn Cromwell's death.
Yes! I mourn him.
I mourn him now that I perceive my Councillors, by light pretext, and by false accusations, made me put to death the most faithful servant I ever had.
Culpepper.
- Your Majesty, Mr.
Culpepper is here.
- Thank God! May I see his Majesty? - Forgive me, my Lady, but his Majesty remains indisposed.
He sends you his love- and this as a token of it.
- I thank his Majesty, but it is ten days since I have been allowed into his presence.
Why will he not see me? Why? Have I offended him in some way? What have I done? He cannot love me so much if he can so easily neglect me! Perhaps he has taken a mistress! Has he taken a mistress, Master Culpepper? Is that why he won't see me? - I cannot answer your Majesty.
I'm sorry.
- Is he with his mistress now? Very well.
You may go, since you will not tell me anything, even though you see how unhappy and miserable I am! - You know I would do anything in the world, anything to bring you comfort and make you happy.
More than any other woman, you deserve to be happy.
- Mr.
Culpepper is so handsome.
He's in love with you.
- In love? - Yes.
He has confessed everything.
He loves you madly.
He told me so.
He said he would happily die for you! And that he thinks and dreams of you day and night.
- Surrey has written a poem about us, which is circulating the court.
- About us? What does he say? - He calls you the wolf lady.
Naturally, he is the lion.
He says you tried to entrap him but he is too noble a beast to be tangled by such cunning hooks! He also warns you that if you should cross his path again, he will feed on you as you meant to feed on him.
Oh, and he says that we rose high by murdering the innocent! - [Culpepper's voice.]
: You know I'd do anything in the world, anything to bring you comfort and make you happy.
More than any other woman, you deserve to be happy.
- He wants to visit you.
Privately.
- Who? - Culpepper.
- He can't! That's not possible.
- Of course he can! Just like that other one-coming to you at night.
- You know about that? - Of course I know.
Joan Bulmer told me.
And it can be just the same.
A secret.
Nobody else need ever know not the King, not anybody! - Are you sure? - Come! Come!