The Twilight Zone (1985) s02e21 Episode Script

The Girl I Married

(eerie music playing) (Theme from The Twilight Zoneplays) (heartbeat) AH, BONJOUR, MONSIEUR WAGNER.
HELLO, MARIE.
HELLO.
ET MONSIEUR.
THANK YOU, MARIE.
BON APPETIT.
I FOUND THIS IN MY OFFICE ON THE FLOOR.
I THINK YOU DROPPED IT.
(tapping glass) IRA, I'VE SEEN YOU STARING AT THAT PICTURE BEFORE-- MOONING OVER IT.
I KNOW IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS AND I SHOULDN'T PRY, BUT, UH ARE YOU AND VALERIE HAVING YOU KNOW, PROBLEMS? MARVIN, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHE ISN'T A CLIENT, IS SHE? A CLIENT? IRA, IS THERE SOMETHING GOING ON? WITH HER? (chuckling): CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE GIRL IN THE PICTURE.
AND WHAT DID YOU SAY? WHAT DO YOU THINK? I SAID, "MARVIN, YOU YUTZ, THAT'S MY WIFE.
" HE DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE ME? WELL, COME ON, SWEETHEART, YOU WERE JUST A GIRL BACK THEN.
OH, I SEE.
IN OTHER WORDS, NOW I LOOK SO MUCH OLDER.
NO, NO, YOU'RE MORE MATURE NOW.
THEN YOU WERE, UH YOU WERE FLIGHTY AND SILLY.
YOU WERE CUTE.
WHAT AM I NOW-- QUASIMODO? (sighing) SEE, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS MOONING OVER THAT PICTURE.
OF COURSE NOT, SWEETHEART.
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL.
IT'S JUST, I DON'T KNOW, BACK THEN, UH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT.
I WAS DIFFERENT.
YOU WERE DIFFERENT.
WE WERE KIDS.
WOULD YOU REALLY STILL RATHER BE DRIVING AROUND IN THAT STUPID OLD VAN OF YOURS, SEARCHING FOR OURSELVES, FINDING WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF BODY LICE? DON'T TELL ME YOU DON'T MISS THOSE DAYS.
YOU SAID SO YOURSELF.
I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF YOU IN THOSE DAYS.
I WAS INSATIABLE.
WELL, IT CERTAINLY WASN'T MY SENSE OF STYLE THAT ATTRACTED YOU.
I LOOKED LIKE A BAG LADY.
(sighing) BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE CUTE LISTEN, VAL, I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SEE ANOTHER PICTURE OF YOUR DAMN DOG.
NOT THE DOG, IRA; YOU.
YOU WERE ADORABLE.
I'D REALLY LIKE TO SEE YOU GOING INTO COURT LOOKING LIKE THAT.
(sighing) WHY CAN'T WE BE MORE LIKE WE WERE BACK THEN? WELL, IT'S LATE.
I'VE GOT TO GET UP EARLY.
HEY, HEY! I AM STILL INSATIABLE, YOU KNOW.
SO TAKE AN APPETITE SUPPRESSANT OR SOMETHING.
I'M GOING TO SLEEP.
(sighing) BUT WE'VE NEVER DENIED THAT CALMETHAL DUMPED THE STUFF THERE.
WE'RE SIMPLY SAYING THAT SINCE IT WAS ALL DONE OVER 30 YEARS AGO, THAT THEIR CULPABILITY MUST BE VIEWED IN A HISTORICAL FASHION.
THAT IS THE MOST SELF-SERVING ARGUMENT I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.
IN 1958, THE PREVAILING OPINION ABOUT A CORPORATION'S RESPONSIBILITY TO THE ENVIRONMENT WAS VASTLY DIFFERENT.
CALMETHAL WILL CLEAN UP THE SITE, AND THAT WILL BE THAT.
BESIDES, NO ONE'S HEALTH WAS IMPAIRED.
MARVIN, HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT? MOTHERS GIVE BIRTH TO DEFORMED BABIES BECAUSE OF OUR CLIENTS.
HOW CAN ANYONE DOUBT THE PUBLIC MINDEDNESS OF A CORPORATION THAT SPONSORS TWO SYMPHONIES AND THREE TV DOCUMENTARIES A YEAR ALL ON ENDANGERED SPECIES? WE'RE NOT A P.
R.
FIRM, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
COME ON, THE ARGUMENT'S NOT WITHOUT PRECEDENT AND YOU KNOW IT.
IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME POSITION THAT OGLIVIE, MELMAN, BLINKMEN, AND SHRAM TOOK IN THENEW HAMPSHIRE v.
SPIRODYNECASE.
WHICH, AS YOU VERY WELL KNOW THE SMART MONEY SAYS IS GOING TO BE UPHELD.
MARVIN, PULL OVER.
STOP THE CAR.
STOP THE CAR, MARVIN, RIGHT NOW! BUT, IRA, THE RESERVATION'S FOR 12:30.
I CAN'T HELP IT, MARVIN.
I'LL SEE YOU BACK AT THE OFFICE.
BOB'S PROBABLY WAITING THERE ALREADY.
HEY, BABE, HOW'S IT GOING? VALERIE, WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF A JOKE? I KNEW IT.
I KNEW YOU'D FREAK WHEN YOU SAW ME.
WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR? AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE AT WORK NOW? COOL OUT, IRA.
DON'T YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE? VAL, THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE.
COME ON, IRA, RELAX.
YOU'VE BEEN WANTING ME THIS WAY FOR A LONG TIME NOW, HAVEN'T YOU? YEAH, BUT I THEN QUIT FIGHTING IT.
OH, MY GOD.
A JOKE IS A JOKE, VAL.
CALL HER.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
CALL HER.
HOW DID YOU DO THIS? YOU LOOK SO YOUNG.
CALL HER.
(coins jingling) (Touch-Tone beeps) Hello, Aerobics.
Can I help you? YEAH, ANNIE? Ira? YEAH, THIS IS IRA.
RIGHT.
VALERIE'S NOT THERE, IS SHE? Yeah, of course she is.
SHE IS? I TOLD YOU.
Yeah, you want to talk to her? YEAH.
I'll put her on.
(music playing) HELLO? VAL VALERIE? Ira? WHAT'S WRONG, HON? YOU SOUND NOTHING'S WRONG.
I, UH I YOU WON'T BE HOME FOR DINNER.
I WON'T BE HOME FOR DINNER.
YOU HAVE A LATE APPOINTMENT.
I HAVE A LATE APPOINTMENT.
OH.
OKAY.
IRA? Uh, yeah, Val, LISTEN, I'LL GET SOMETHING TO EAT SOMEWHERE.
LOVE IS ALL YOU NEED.
LOVE IS ALL I NEED.
Listen, Val Val I'LL GET SOMETHING AT THE DELI, OKAY? IRA, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT? YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'VE HAD A STROKE.
NO, I'M FINE.
I'M REAL FINE.
YOU WERE INCREDIBLE.
THE WHOLE AFTERNOON'S AHEAD OF US.
I'M TOTALLY WIPED OUT.
I'LL HAVE TO BE HOSPITALIZED BY NIGHTFALL.
THIS DAY, IT'S REAL.
YOU, YOU ARE REAL.
AND I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU WANT ME.
HOW DID YOU WHERE DID YOU I'M THE GIRL YOU MARRIED, IRA.
THE ONE YOU DREAM ABOUT.
DON'T ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS, IRA.
YOU CAN BLOW A GOOD THING THAT WAY.
DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU'VE BEEN THINKING SO MUCH ABOUT THE WAY IT USED TO BE THAT WHAT YOU WANT SO BAD HAS BECOME REAL: THAT'S ME, THE VALERIE THAT YOU REMEMBER.
THE ONE YOU HOPED WOULD NEVER CHANGE, AND I HAVEN'T.
I WISH I COULD SAY THE SAME.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WHAT'S WITH THE SUITS? THAT'S MY COURT CUSTOM.
YOU DID IT! YOU'RE A PUBLIC DEFENDER LIKE CORPORATE COUNSEL.
BUMMER.
WELL, MY LIFE'S NOT SO BAD.
THEN WHY ARE YOU SO SAD? YOU NEVER USED TO BE A SAD PERSON, IRA.
WHAT HAPPENED? VALERIE, YIPPIES TURNED INTO YUPPIES.
JERRY RUBEN RUNS A BUSINESS NETWORKING SALON, WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MIGHT BE.
AND THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.
OKAY, OKAY, I KNOW HOW THAT MUST SOUND.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THERE'S MUCH MORE TO IT THAN THAT.
I'M OVERSIMPLIFYING.
IT'S THE WHOLE EVOLUTION OF THE SOCIAL INFRASTRUCTURE WE'RE TALKING HERE-- SOMETHING MUCH MORE GRADUAL, MUCH MORE COMPLEX.
YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND, YOU MUST.
YOU WERE THERE.
WE WERE GOING TO CHANGE THE WORLD, REMEMBER? SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE, WE ALL JUST WE LOST EACH OTHER SOMEHOW.
"EST" AND THE "ME DECADE," LEVERAGE BUYOUTS, TANNING PARLORS, AEROBICISING IT SEEMS LIKE NOBODY CARES ABOUT ANYBODY ANYMORE EXCEPT HIMSELF.
OUR FOCUS JUST NARROWED.
THEN WE NEED TO EXPAND IT.
LET'S DO SOME WINDOWPANE AND WATCH THE WALLS MELT.
VAL, IF I WENT ANYWHERE NEAR L.
S.
D.
, WE COULD WATCH MY BRAINS MELT RIGHT OUT MY EARS.
SWEETHEART, NOBODY DOES THAT ANYMORE.
WAKE UP.
SMELL THE '80s.
GEEZ! IRA, YOU ARE A STONED RAG.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU JUST GOT HERE.
YOU KNOW, MAN, WE USED TO LAUGH AT PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
WHAT? (man laughing) VALERIE? I'M IN HERE.
WHO, UH WHO'S LAUGHING IN HERE? THE TV, IRA.
I TURNED IT OFF WHEN I HEARD YOU COME IN.
THERE'S NOBODY HERE BUT ME AND HERMAN HESSE.
SIDDHARTHA,HUH? WOW.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS A TIME THAT I THOUGHT THE WHOLE DAMN KEY TO EXISTENCE WAS CONTAINED IN THIS BOOK.
YOU WERE, UH, YOU WERE READING WITH THE TV ON? YEAH, I JUST GOT AN URGE.
SOMETHING YOU SAID LAST NIGHT.
UH, DON'T STOP ON MY ACCOUNT.
I WAS JUST ABOUT READY TO GO TO BED, ANYWAY.
YOU GO ON.
I'LL BE UP IN AWHILE.
I HAVE SOME TRANSCRIPTS TO PROOF.
I CALLED YOUR OFFICE TODAY.
THE RECEPTIONIST SAID YOU NEVER CAME BACK FROM LUNCH.
THERE WAS A MEETING AT CALMETHYL ON SHORT NOTICE.
IT TOOK ALL DAY.
OKAY, IRA.
(heavy rock beat plays) (car horn honking) (tires screeching) WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? ? ? ? ? (grunting) ? ? HOW COULD YOU ALL LET IT HAPPEN? IT WASN'T EXACTLY A CONSCIOUS CHOICE WE MADE.
I MEAN, HOW COULD ANYBODY WHO CARED ABOUT MONEY AS LITTLE AS YOU DID SUDDENLY NEED TO HAVE IT SO FAST AND SO OFTEN THAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT FROM A LITTLE MACHINE ON THE STREET? I GUESS I FIGURED IF I COULDN'T CHANGE THE WORLD, I'D SETTLE FOR A LITTLE CORNER OF IT.
MINE.
OURS.
MAKE IT SAFE AND SECURE, AND THAT TAKES MONEY.
HAVE YOU DONE THAT? I'M A SELL-OUT, IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING? OH, IT'S NOT THAT, BABE.
IT'S JUST, WELL ARE YOU HAPPY? YES, I AM HAPPY.
I DON'T KNOW.
(sighing) MOST OF THE TIME I AM.
SOMETHING IS MISSING.
SURE THERE IS.
ME.
COME ON, HONEY, YOU'VE GOT TO TELL HER.
WHAT ABOUT I'VE BEEN A MEMORY TOO LONG.
IT'S HER TURN NOW.
I HAD A GREAT TIME BEING A KID FOR A WHILE, BUT I CANNOT DO THIS TO HER.
THIS IS MY WIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.
IRA, WHO AM I? OH, UH VALERIE? IRA.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? IRA, WAIT A MINUTE.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
THE HELL IT ISN'T.
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO'S THAT? FORGET ABOUT HERE.
WHO ISTHAT? I WANT TO INTRODUCE MYSELF BEFORE I KILL HIM.
OH, MY GOD, IRA IT'S IT'S ME.
SO YOU'VE BEEN DOING IT, TOO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN "TOO"? COME ON, EVERYBODY, LET'S NOT GET UPTIGHT.
YOU ARE BEGINNING TO SOUND LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF A RERUN OF THEMOD SQUAD.
IF THERE WAS EVER A REASON TO GET UPTIGHT MY FRIEND, THIS HAS GOT TO BE IT.
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I DON'T KNOW, BUT I GUESS TWO CAN BE NOSTALGIC AS EASILY AS ONE.
Ira: WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THIS GUY IS NOT TAKING MY PLACE.
BUT, IRA, WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT US? FORGET IT.
FORGET IT.
I MUST HAVE BEEN CRAZY TO EVEN CONSIDER IT.
I WANT THE TWO OF YOU OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW! WHY? I HAVEN'T WASTED MY LIFE.
I DESERVE TO BE HERE.
SO DOES SHE.
YEAH, MAN, WE'VE GOT A HANDLE ON ALL THE STUFF THAT COUNTS: THE DREAMS, THE IDEALS, THE LOVE.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE 18 YEARS OLD.
YOU DON'T KNOW SQUAT ABOUT LIFE OR LOVE.
REAL LOVE IS COMMITMENT! (scoffs) WHAT AM I SAYING? BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
IRA, WE ALMOST MADE A STUPID MISTAKE.
WE NEARLY LOST EACH OTHER BECAUSE THESE TWO WHERE DID THEY GO? WHO CARES? THEY WERE BEGINNING TO ANNOY ME, ANYWAY.
"THEY"? YOU MEANWE.
WERE WE REALLY LIKE THAT? ALL THAT ARROGANCE, THAT NAIVETE, THAT POMPOSITY? THE IDEALISM, THE PASSION, THE FIRE.
WHAT IF THEY'RE RIGHT, IRA? WHAT IF WE REALLY WASTED OUR LIVES? YOU KNOW, I WASN'T AWARE OF THE FACT THAT OUR LIVES WERE OVER.
YOU JUST DON'T SUDDENLY LOSE YOUR SOCIAL CONSCIENCE BECAUSE YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.
COME HERE, WILL YOU? COME HERE.
YOU REMEMBER THAT WORLD OUT THERE THAT WE WANTED TO CHANGE? IT'S STILL OUT THERE.
IT'S JUST THAT OUR FOCUS NARROWED.
THAT'S ALL.
AND WE NEED TO EXPAND IT.
UH WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? YOU WANT TO DROP A LITTLE ACID AND WATCH THE WALLS MELT? NO, SILLY.
NO, I WANT MY LIFE TO BE ABOUT SOMETHING MORE THAN WATCHING MY WEIGHT AND THINKING ABOUT HOW IT USED TO BE.
WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT THAT? AND HOW ABOUT YOU PUTTING IN SOME HOURS AT THAT LEGAL AID CLINIC THAT'S ALWAYS AFTER YOU? MAYBE I WILL.
AND MAYBE WE COULD HAVE A BABY? UH AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL INSATIABLE.
UH I THINK I WILL BE.
IT HAS BEEN SAID THE '80s ARE JUST THE '60s THE COSTUMES MAY CHANGE, BUT THE CAST REMAINS: THE ARROGANT, THE RADICAL THE NAIVE AND THE CYNICAL THE MISPLACED AND THE SPACED.
EACH A STAGE IN THE GROWTH OF A GENERATION AS IT TREADS THE TAIL END OF THE 20th CENTURY ON A LONG JOURNEY THROUGH THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
(eerie music plays) (Theme from The Twilight Zoneplays)
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