The Upshaws (2021) s01e07 Episode Script

Yard Sale

[SIGHS] Morning, my sweethearts.
Mommy needs to talk to you.
- It wasn't me.
- I saw her do it.
We'll circle back to whatever
you didn't do later.
Right now, I need your attention.
So, where's the remote?
We have a remote? I just use Maya.
Oh, okay. So
Last night, uh, your dad and I had
[SIGHS] a disagreement.
Oh, great. Am I a ghetto triplet now?
No. 'Cause if you were, we'd be
planning your father's funeral.
It's not important what
we disagreed about, okay?
Uh, just know that, for
right now, we decided
that I should ask him to leave.
So, he did.
And Mommy's not sure
how long this will last.
I made pancakes!
But it was supposed to
be longer than that!
Solid as a rock ♪
Solid ♪
What the hell you doing?
Serving breakfast to
our beautiful children
that we made with love.
I don't know what Dad did,
- but I love me some apology pancakes.
Can I get some apology syrup?
Oh, anything for y'all
sweeties, baby, look.
And my forgiving wife.
You are gonna get yours
on your favorite plate.
I wouldn't give me a fork.
Have I ever told y'all the
story about the plate?
- Yes.
- Yes.
Yep. One of the best nights
of our whole relationship.
New Year's Eve, 1991.
- Uh, drove all the way to Chicago.
- Baltimore.
Were you there?
Look, all that matters is the love
that me and your mother
shared that night.
She wanted to see Bobby
Brown and I made it happen.
You bought fake scalped tickets
and we snuck in. Bye.
And everything was fine until Bobby
Brown called Mom up on stage.
It ain't his prerogative to
be grinding on my woman.
We were dancing.
And in typical Bennie fashion,
you came charging the stage
and got us thrown out.
Yes, and as we got escorted
to the car, what did we see?
A guy with a gang of bootleg
Bobby Brown merch.
And we've had this plate ever since.
Girls, take your pancakes
to the living room.
Don't get no syrup on
Daddy's couch, please.
That was a good night.
It almost make you forget
why you were mad. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, I remember.
What was that all about?
Look, babe. Just like our love,
unbreakable. [CHUCKLES]
How you gonna walk back in
here after what you did?
Act like everything is cool.
Like I ain't throw your ass out.
Like I was speaking in tongues.
Dang, girl. That's a lot of police
questions for a Saturday morning.
This is what we do.
I mess up, you get mad,
I make makeup cakes.
We good.
We good?
- Yeah.
- You stole my grad school money.
Oh, you really think that
your sorry-ass makeup cakes
can fix that?
They buttermilk.
Get out.
Stay out!
You want some time to
cool off? I got you, okay?
Be back by lunch,
I'll make some of my
"all-forgiven" cornbread cake.
How about that, baby?
God bless.
She threw you out?
Like, "out" out?
Yeah, acting like I ain't
got no place to go.
Duck came through. The homie
threw me a air mattress.
I'm gonna need some more air tonight.
Yeah, I hate to tell you,
but you can't sleep at my crib no more.
Nah, Lucretia put a "no Bennie"
clause on my lease this morning.
Man, I'll climb through the window.
Nobody thinking about Lucretia.
Well, Lucretia thinkin' about you.
She put bars on my window.
Yeah, enough of that, fool.
I got places to stay.
Ain't that right, Davis?
[GASPS] Bump that.
Me and Mom only got a two-bedroom.
And I'm not going
head-to-foot with your ass.
Besides, Mom heard about that
bullshit you did to Regina.
Hey, man.
Why is she all in my business?
Well, we gotta talk about something
when I grease her scalp.
That's why you smell like Sulfur8.
You gonna always be single.
Well, Tony, that leaves you.
No, it don't.
My lady barely likes me
in my house. [CHUCKLES]
She says I walk too loud?
So, I'm homeless.
you always got a home in the Lord.
Do the Lord got a futon?
"Wow"? Like wow good or wow bad?
Wow, I'm thinking I get
my smarts from Dad.
That bad?
Well, no. Your penmanship is lit.
They'll definitely know
who failed the test.
What was I thinking, trying to get
ready for the GMAT in a month?
Come on, Mom. Stay
positive. You got this.
Well, not right now, you don't.
But if you keep doing
what you're doing
Let me make you some flash cards.
[CHUCKLES] Thank you, sweetheart.
I will take all the help I can get.
You know what?
Let me take the GMAT book, too.
I don't want you hurting
yourself any more today.
- Then get your clothes off the stairs.
- Already passed 'em.
- Little girl!
- I got 'em!
- Hey.
- Hey.
Now, I know this might
be a little premature,
but I got a feeling this
time he's gone for good.
So I got us some bubbles
to celebrate your new
Aw, shit, makeup cakes.
Where is he? Bennie, get down here!
He's not here.
He tried it, but I threw him out again.
My girl!
It's open already?
Yeah, I got excited. I saw a
pile of stuff out in the yard.
I thought you was gonna go
Angela Bassett and burn his shit.
But it's just your neighbors
cleaning out their garage.
Getting rid of some crap
is not such a bad idea.
I got matches.
No, no, no, I mean me. Uh-huh.
Getting rid of some clutter.
That's a good idea.
You got rid of the biggest
trash yesterday.
Why don't you call Bernard?
He can get his truck and help you
move some of this stuff to donate.
Donate? [SCOFFS]
I am the charity now. I'mma sell stuff.
Oh, Lord.
Please don't put all your
unwanted shit out on your yard
like a bum mall.
No, this is good.
And, you know, if I can raise $300,
then I can cover the GMAT fee.
Regina, I'll give you $500
right now not to do it.
I am not embarrassed, okay?
I'm gonna do what I got to do.
[CLICKS TONGUE] People gonna
think y'all are on meth.
That will work. Maya
just lost some teeth.
I'll put her ass out
front with a yard sign.
What the hell's wrong with you?
You scared the shit out of me!
I thought a crackhead was breaking in.
And what was you gonna do?
Hit him with the rhythm?
- Oh, shit!
- You slept here?
No, I was doing night yoga. What
the hell it look like I was doing?
That's a damn shame, bro. I'm sorry.
Hey. Morning.
Hey, Duck, look who
slept here last night.
Hey, Regina don't play, huh?
Wait, did you tell her I was with
you when you stole her money?
I told you, it ain't stealing
if you're putting it back.
Yeah. That's the exact same
thing my cellmate said
before he got shanked.
Look, if you're gonna get your girl
back, you gotta do something big.
Yeah, I know if she was
my woman [CHUCKLES]
I'd give her a little space.
Space? [SCOFFS] See,
that's prison talking.
You ain't been out long enough
to peep today's women.
You ain't never even been in and
your woman still got you on lock.
That's because I let her.
Man, surprise Regina
with something. Uh Oh!
- She got a favorite perfume?
- I don't know. Shit.
I remember in high school
it used to be White Diamond.
- What kind of favorite foods she like?
- Pizza
Chilean sea bass with
a brown butter sauce.
- [CHUCKLES] Or it could be pizza.
- Yeah, pizza, like I said.
I know what it is. I got it.
You know how she loves that trivia shit?
- [DUCK] Mmm-hmm.
- You going to go give her a pop quiz?
No, I need y'all to hold it down.
I'm going to get back my woman.
- That's what I'm talking about.
- You hear me?
- Hang on!
- Hell, yeah!
- I'm going to get her!
- Go on, get her!
In about 20 minutes.
You want me to crack your back for you?
No, I need a Doan's Pill, nigga.
Yeah, we got some in the back.
Don't need this.
Don't need these.
Why do we even have a menorah?
Okay, I'm done. Do you like it?
How about you make something
that just say "sale"?
[SIGHS] Picky.
Oh. I tell you, getting
rid of stuff feels great.
I'm feeling better already.
What's next, Elly May? Y'all
gonna start showering outside?
If this is so beneath you,
you don't have to be here.
Because I can't talk you out of it,
I guess I'll stick around to
supervise this Ghetto Mart.
Put that in housewares.
Taking care of me.
I keep whatever money I get
from selling my stuff, right?
That's the deal.
Good, 'cause I'm going for a phone.
- Ooh. I could sell this blender.
- [REGINA] Ah!
Don't you touch my blender.
Why? Your Herbalife phase is over.
You only been a single mother for a day
and your kids are already acting out.
You soft.
Single mother?
Thank you for that.
I'm gonna go see how Maya's
doing with those signs.
Mom, is Dad coming back?
You selling your Goosebumps?
Come on, now. I'll give
you 20 bucks for those.
- Mom.
- Ah. Okay, $30.
But that's my final offer.
Be straight with me. I can handle it.
Ah! There is nothing
to handle, all right?
I told you, your dad and I, we're
just going through some stuff.
Yeah, but he did the pancakes,
and you didn't let him stay here.
[SIGHS] Baby, some things
are bigger than pancakes.
I'm not Maya. Can you
tell me what he did?
All you need to know is that
we both love you very much,
and you're gonna be fine.
The price tag says $4.
We ain't haggling here.
Well, I don't like your attitude.
There's no Yelp for yard sales.
You want this shit or not?
- 'Sup? Y'all having a yard sale?
- Yeah.
I'm trying to get some new phone money.
You wanna buy a used diary? It's Maya's.
There is a lot of drama in pre-K.
I'm good. I'm here to watch
the game with Bennie.
Uh, Bennie's not here.
Wait, you calling him Bennie?
What's going on?
Him and my mom got into a nunya.
Are those Bennie's Air 1s?
Oh, I get it. He's really not here.
What'd he do? Are we
ghetto triplets now?
No. Sometimes, married couples argue.
But you wouldn't know
anything about that.
I'mma give that one to you
'cause you fresh outta daddies.
But trust me, get used to it
just being you and your mom.
Oh! Goosebumps!
- Girl, you gonna love me!
Why do I see you more now
than before I threw you out?
What do you want?
Just to give you a little
that'll make it all okay.
Unless you got my money
or a time machine,
I don't care.
Baby, listen.
Come on, come on.
I thought this through.
I got you a gift that only
you could appreciate.
Bennie, I'm busy.
I don't have time for whatever
Bennie shit you tryin' to shovel.
Hey, listen, hey.
This is important.
This is about our marriage.
What do you have in there that you
think is gonna fix our marriage?
Open it up and see.
- The hell is this?
- Encyclopedia.
Is it Shakespeare's encyclopedia?
'Cause otherwise it ain't worth
the $2,500 you stole from me.
I don't know the brand, but it's
got "R" for Regina on there.
I'm telling you, you know how
you love that cool trivia shit?
This got some good words in it.
Like "romance," "reunite,"
"ruvv," as in, "I ruvv you."
This is perfect.
That'll fix the robble.
Hey, but what I was saying
Well, what's going on out here?
Just getting rid of some
more useless shit
I've held onto for too long.
Making a little extra change, I see. Ah.
Selling some puzzles.
Oh, cool, cool, cool.
Let me help you out, babe.
Hey, Ms. Wilson!
You still got them hammer toes?
I got some Dr. Scholl's that
ain't never been opened, baby.
Hey. Hey!
- I got this.
- Go.
Let me do my thing. Can I do what I do?
Hurry, step right up, step right up
and get your hands on my shit?
You're selling my Reggie Miller jersey.
And my cassingles.
Color Me Badd, "I Wanna Sex You Up"?
Oh, you trippin'.
This is my high school
championship trophy.
A buck-fifty? Boy
That's a bargain.
Yeah, no Oh, my God.
I thought it would've broken
into more pieces than that.
Still worth it, though.
Regina, you doin' too much.
I know you pissed and all, but you
ain't gotta come at me like that.
Come at you [CHUCKLES]
Man, ain't nobody trying to hurt you.
I'm out here doin' me.
Okay, where's your stuff?
My stuff? My Oh, my stuff.
See, my stuff was in my bank
account, that you stole.
Why are you bringing up old shit?
Why are you still here?
Baby, when you gonna let me come home?
You just don't get it, do you?
How much for the jersey?
Over my dead body.
Fair enough. Sold!
- Hey.
- Hey.
I shouldn't have said that
stuff about your parents.
I don't know anything.
No, you don't.
I said I don't.
Look, you're tryin' to
get you a new phone,
so here's some cash.
Where you get that from?
Don't be giving me no trap house money.
Calm down. Your mom
said if I helped out,
I could keep a cut of the cash.
Do you want it or not?
Of course I want it.
I've been out here my whole Saturday
and I only made five bucks.
[CHUCKLES] I got lucky.
Some dude gave me 40 bucks for a plate.
Hold up. Was it Bobby Brown?
I don't know his name.
He's right over there.
The Bobby Brown plate, fool.
My mom would never sell that.
- Well, it was in a box to get sold.
- Well, it was a mistake.
Excuse me, sir, my employee
made a mistake.
We need that Bobby Brown plate back.
Oh! No can do.
I've got the Al B. Sure!,
the New Edition,
and now the Bobby Brown.
I got the whole Heartbreak Tour.
Look, I don't know what
any of that means,
but that plate's not for sale.
- Well, you sold it to me.
- We'll give you your money back.
All sales are final,
that's the yard sale creed.
This tenderoni is mine.
Yeah. Think she's gonna sell
my Larry Bird bobblehead.
The Hick from French Lick stays with me!
If you weren't you,
I'd feel sorry for you.
Lucretia, I'm not in
the mood to tell you
you look like the beef
jerky version of yourself.
Our friendly banter shit is over.
You're not my problem anymore.
You must be loving this.
You hurt my sister.
She didn't seem hurt when she
was selling my Hot Wheels.
Bennie, let's get real.
you've got plenty of shit
in your trash bag of tricks,
and if you keep trying 'em,
Regina will probably take you back.
But you just gonna wind
up right back here.
Because you can't fix
what you don't understand.
It was just money, I was
planning on putting it back.
It's not about the money,
it's about giving a shit.
The only reason why you have your shop
is because Regina cared
about your dream.
You, on the other hand,
just went and stole hers
like it was nothing.
Until that sinks in that
meat box you call a head,
[SCOFFS] the best thing for
you to do is just to back off.
How long you thinkin'?
I don't know. Uh
A week? A year? Maybe six.
Six years?
Yeah. If you love her, they'll fly by.
Or you can take the easy
way and jump off a bridge.
So, what you sayin' is I need
to give her a little time.
Or an eternity. It's your choice.
Ghetto Mart is poppin'.
Girl, people will buy anything.
This lady just bought
an umbrella handle.
Not the whole umbrella, just the handle.
Oh, you still here?
I was just picking up a few things.
I'll be down at the shop.
Let me know if the kids need anything.
He just left.
No crying, no begging, no
"Let's make another baby."
He say something to you?
No, not really.
But if a John Doe pops up in the river,
I was here with you.
Okay. One more time.
What are you gonna say?
I don't wanna over-rehearse.
Fine. He's there by the phone books.
Make sure you hit him with the sad eyes.
Mister, I can't find my mommy.
Can you help me?
Oh, my God.
Is that a limited
edition Shaggy the Bear?
I don't think you heard me.
I can't find my mommy.
Poor you.
Dang, dude. The girl can't find her mom.
What's wrong with you?
Why doesn't she check inside,
since she lives here?
How you know that?
'Cause this frame has her picture in it.
Way to go, Maya. You had one job.
I'm too little to have any job.
I came for bargains, not drama.
Could you take this somewhere else?
Now he'll never give us the plate.
I don't care about his stupid plate.
The plate's not stupid, you're stupid.
You're stupider.
My ex-wife was right,
I am not built for kids.
- Did you get it?
- Yep. [GRUNTS]
You know, this is the
first time I stole a plate
that wasn't at church.
I made $58 today.
You on your way to getting your phone.
I didn't count mine yet.
Are you gonna make
pancakes again tomorrow?
Daddy gotta back up off them
pancakes for a little while,
but I'll tell your mom to get you
a Happy Meal after school.
- Okay.
- Okay. Daddy gotta go.
And be good to your mom.
I love you.
- Love you, Daddy.
- Yeah, me, too.
Bye, babies.
Gotta go.
Damn it, Lucretia!
"What is the area of
triangle C-E-F?" Shit.
Hi, Mom, got some
study-break cookies for you.
Well, get 'em in here, sister.
The Bobby Brown plate?
I thought it was gone.
It was.
And then I kinda set it aside.
Along with Goosebumps.
Sometimes, when you think you
might not want something
one day, you just might miss it.
Okay, Miss Aaliyah Angelou.
So, how are the flash cards coming?
[SIGHS] You see that
pile on the floor there?
- Mmm-hmmm.
- Those are not the ones I got right.
What are you doing here?
I came to see the woman I love.
She lives in Miami with your kids.
No, that's all over now.
Look, I heard what you said.
You don't want to be the other woman.
So, I left my wife.
Left her where?
Ain't nobody tell you to do that.
Oh, I hope your lung just collapsed.
Will you marry me?
Ah, shit.
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