The Upshaws (2021) s02e05 Episode Script

Duct Up

Maya! Aaliyah! Come on now. Hurry up.
Oh, what a beautiful morning.
What are you
so chipper about, Oklahoma!?
Oh, I know.
Lucretia and Frankie sittin' in a tree.
Oh, Regina, grow up.
But I do hope to be K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Yes, girl! Rekindle that shit.
To be honest,
I'm a little nervous to see him again.
You know? Frankie's the one that got away.
We all have one.
Well, then go find yours,
'cause the one you got ain't working.
At least I got a man.
I'm sorry.
It just feels wrong
when he's not here to defend himself.
But I'm happy that you're back with Frank.
No, he's only in town for one more night.
- But I'm hoping it's a good night.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, you bought pastries.
Oh. And look at that stroll.
Oh, look how you lookin'.
You got the Frank stank on you.
Not yet, but smell me later.
Well, give me mine to go.
Girls, come on.
I got to get to work. Damn!
Since when do you like your job?
I gotta get in early today.
Gotta hustle to get some
alone time with Jan.
Ass-kissin' makes you prompt.
Oh, you puckering up for that scholarship?
Yeah, Jan's on the selection committee
for the Earn While You Learn program.
I'm counting on the hospital
to pay for grad school.
I wonder if Frank
still has those little Prince pants.
My mind drifted. My bad.
Sorry, I was scrubbing the toilets.
They're clean enough to eat off now.
Damn. Prison chores before school?
What did you do?
In a foolish quest for popularity,
I jeopardized my future
by ditching school.
But, real talk, my popularity is up.
All this for ditching?
We used to ditch all the time.
But we never got caught, though.
You still here, little girl? Car.
I know. I know. I'll go consider
the consequences of my actions.
Hey, Ma. I've got crullers.
Oh, damn. Who else needs a favor?
Not me. I'm just giving.
What do you need, baby?
I gotta do a last minute double shift.
Could you watch Sydney?
I know you have your issues,
but it would really mean a lot to me.
- I think it would
- I'll watch her.
And I appreciate that you rehearsed
that bullshit on your way over here.
And you went to the donut shop I like.
Uh, there ain't no strings on my donuts.
Drop her by, I'll keep an eye on her.
Thank you so much, Mom.
Yeah, taking care of kids ain't that hard.
Where's Mommy?
Forgot my lunch.
Oh, shit, and you.
Come on, go. Get in the car.
Close the door!
Solid as a rock ♪
Solid ♪
Tony, look at this mess.
I told you to straighten out the shelves.
You got it looking like
a cheap-ass weave back here.
I was about to go to lunch.
I said no lunch until the shop is right.
Hey, Pops, I got your sandwich.
I meant no lunch for the employees.
I'm hungry as shit. I'm gonna
Come on, Bennie.
I fixed the drywall in the office,
dumped the oil and got your car washed,
even though that got nothing to do
with the inspection.
Okay, fine. If you can eat and sweep,
you can have half this sandwich.
I hate I need this job.
See, son, stay in school.
Y'all gonna have this stuff done
before my game tonight, right?
It depends. Let me see that crossover,
you talking about that game.
Come on with it.
Boy, that's my
retirement plan right there.
Don't be up there,
thanking your mama on TV.
You got them skills from me.
Maybe after the game
you can roll with us to go get pizza.
Oh, man. They let the parents on the bus?
That's some New Age coaching.
That's why y'all three and seven.
No, I meant my mom and Noah.
I mean, he's treating.
Oh, no, the hell he ain't.
That's your daddy's job.
Oh, Noah's out front.
He's taking me to shoot a round.
This dude is like Candyman,
he's everywhere.
Hey, man, where'd you
get that new backpack?
Uh Don't want to say.
See you at the game, Dad.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'mma be at the game.
Oh, I'mma be there. Right behind the bench
with all the daddies.
Right next to the baby-mama section.
I cannot believe
Bobbie is getting remarried.
It's always hard when an ex moves on.
I mean, the ink
on the divorce isn't even dry.
You know, sometimes the best thing
to do is to let other people
throw themselves back into their work.
I like how you think, Sheila.
We should meet up after work.
Like I said when you called last night,
and texted me this morning,
and snuck up on me in the ladies room
- Well
- I'm there for you in spirit.
Damn it. Sheila's sucking up
all my suck-up time with Jan.
Good morning, Jan. I've got crullers.
I've got prediabetes.
Where did we land
on that after-work coffee?
- Jan, I'd love to go, but I can't, so
- Oh.
Well, shit, I'll go.
Where are we goin'? I love coffee.
Oh, I don't think you can go.
You're too busy.
I'll make time.
And to be honest, I thought that you and I
could talk about things one-on-one.
That sounds exactly like what I need.
I really think you're busy, busy bee.
And I really think
I know my own schedule, busybody.
We, um
We joke with each other
in this department.
- Meet you in the lobby at 5:00.
- I Good. Looking forward.
Regina, maybe going out
with Jan right now isn't the best idea.
For who, huh? 'Cause I think it's great.
Bitch out here
trying to block my blessing.
Okay, I think we hit
everything on the list.
Tony, did you clean the air ducts?
Tony. Tony!
I'm just looking for my license!
Oh, sorry, man. I'm spent.
I can't do all this on half a sandwich.
Well, you shouldn't have ate all of it
at once. Did you get the ducts?
You barely pay me enough
to clean down here.
I ain't getting in no ducts. Ain't nobody
trying to meet no spiders today.
Well, it's the last thing we gotta do.
It's the last thing you gotta do.
The last thing I gotta do is
say "good night, Bennie."
So what you trying to say?
Good night, Bennie.
Yeah. Climb up in there
Spider. Damn it, Tony!
Oh! Where the ladder at? Jesus!
I feel air. At least I got the spider.
Oh, shit, he got homies.
You are gonna love this place.
You know, we passed, like, five Starbucks.
Oh, they have coffee here.
They make you drink it
before you get your keys back.
Well, you know, I really just wanted
a coffee klatch to discuss my future.
But, uh, hey, I'm thirsty for whatever.
Your usual, Jan.
Shit, I can't drink this.
It's still daylight.
Luckily, my liver doesn't have a watch.
Drink up.
Gotta be careful, though.
One too many of these
and I'll agree to anything.
Two more, please.
Since I'm up here,
I might as well keep working.
Being stuck don't stop no inspection.
Damn. This shit is tight.
I should've gave Tony my whole sandwich.
Thank you, Lord. Hey, Siri, answer.
Hey, Siri, answer.
Bitch, answer the phone!
My bad, Siri,
I forgot I switched to an Android.
Bennie, I got a work thing.
So, I need for you to get home
as soon as you can. Call me.
Oh, damn it. That's right,
he's at Kelvin's game.
Shit, I guess I gotta go home.
Oh, it's Lucretia's night
And she's waxed and tight ♪
Oh, it's Lucretia's night
Oh, what a night ♪
Oh, what a night ♪
Lucretia! Get that ladder!
Lucretia, you got little ears,
but I know you can hear me.
I can't do it to him.
I thought rodents
could sniff out danger.
Now I can. Good night, jackass.
Excuse me. Don't change my channel.
I'm older. I'm in charge.
- I'm your auntie. Give it.
- No, stop!
- Give it to me!
- Stop!
- No!
- It's my turn!
- Hey!
- She's trying to boss me around.
Watch it. You're not
too big to go over my knee.
Okay, I don't know what any of this is,
but Mom just texted
she's going to be late. I'm in charge.
"Wanna hang?"
What? Oh, my God,
Steph Green wants to hang at White Castle?
See? You put it out in the universe
and it comes back to you.
Okay, y'all watch each other.
Hey, you can't leave us alone.
Girl, please. I'm on the come up.
Don't be a baby.
If you leave, I'm telling Mommy.
Then I'll tell her
who put the marbles in the toilet.
Bring me back a chicken ring.
Savannah? What are you doing here?
Hey, it's cool, Ma, she's here.
Hang on, Mrs. Austin, don't drive off yet.
I'm grounded.
I know. And since you're on house arrest,
I bought a ring light
and some super cute clothes.
We can tighten up our TikToks.
- This is where you go through my legs.
- Oh, that's gas. Let me stretch.
- Damn, there's boys?
- What?
I said, "Boys, oh, boys."
"My mom's gonna go off
if she finds you here."
Oh, for real? But your mom loves me.
Yeah, but we on punishment.
Okay. Well, I'll hit you up later.
- Okay.
- Maybe we can
You my girl. I'll holla. Bye!
- Good, you're back!
- Nope. I'm out the back.
- Give me it!
- Stop!
That cheating bitch, Bobbie.
Just because I cheated first
doesn't give her the right.
Well, we all got stories. Huh.
People gonna do what they're gonna do.
But why, though?
I give and I give and I give
Yes, of course you do, of course.
And as long as you're giving,
what's up with
the scholarship selection committee?
Bobbie was on scholarship
when we met in college.
Superior athlete, prettiest gal on campus
and a rack you could get lost in.
Oh, God!
Oh, okay. Hey.
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh.
Look at me. Jan.
You gonna be all right.
If you're hitting on me,
I'm not there yet.
I left my experimental phase in college.
Speaking of college,
I'd like to go back. Soon.
Are you leaving me too?
Am I stifling your pottery career?
Hell no.
Jan, I'm your ride or die. Okay?
I'm a big old Jan fan.
And I'm a big fan of yours.
Let's talk about your future, Renata.
Well, all right,
'cause Renata's got a lot to say.
Hey! Renata's in the building, y'all.
Well, this is a much nicer spot
than that IHOP
we used to go to in Holmville.
How the hell
were they always out of pancakes?
- You know that was a drug front, right?
- Shut up.
Why do you think they didn't care
when we dined and dashed?
Oh, we're not doing that tonight.
What, you want my cane as collateral?
Same old Lucretia.
Well, it sure ain't the same old Frank.
I mean, look at you.
One of the top attorneys in Georgia?
I'm proud of you, Frank.
Well, you know, I'm just doing what I do.
But tell me about you. Hmm?
Last I knew, you put your life on hold
to take care of your sister's kid.
Oh, he's good. You know,
grown, gay, works out a lot.
What about you?
Oh, I'm good too. Grown, not gay,
work out when I can.
If you don't stop playin'
I'm serious. Come on. Catch me up.
Well, as you can see,
I fell into some money,
uh, parlayed that into my own business,
dabble in real estate.
Some might say I'm a sexy mogul.
I would definitely say that.
Sounds like we're both making moves.
But honestly, it hasn't been the same
without someone to share it with.
Yeah. Again, I'm sorry about your wife.
She was one of the two
great loves of my life.
Oh, damn, you already found someone else?
I'm talking about you, Lucretia.
Well, in that case,
I'm glad I shaved my legs
above the knee.
I'm stuck in the duct ♪
Oh, damn it. That's the heat kicking on.
Somebody's calling me again.
Just come see me in person!
Yo, Pops, they're starting me.
Where are you?
Dang, I gotta go.
Uh, Mom and Noah saved you a seat,
and it ain't with them, but it's close.
Just my luck. This is our wedding song.
All right, Jan, I think I gotta go home.
Okay? So, can we please pick this up
tomorrow? Over "coffee" coffee?
Oh. Party foul, Jan.
I've been going on about myself all night.
You just wanted to talk about
that scholarship.
Yeah. Yeah, that's right.
I know how it works. Okay?
All the basics,
but I also know it's very competitive.
So, a good word from somebody
could really go a long way.
Yeah. It's all about who you know.
- Yeah.
- And I know that's my song!
Come on, Renata. Let's go!
Listen, I just want you to vouch for me.
I will twerk my ass off if you say yes.
I'll make it clap.
I will take that round of applause.
And happily I will put in a word for you.
For real?
Oh, yeah! Okay! Yeah! Mm-hmm!
Won't do any good, though.
They kicked me off the committee.
They're Team Bobbie.
Well, that would have been nice
to know four hours ago.
Hey, you want some free shots?
Two things. Your name is Renata
and Bobbie ain't shit.
So, I'm in Costa Rica
and I'm on the zipline,
and all of a sudden I just stop.
No zip.
They finally send this lady from Nebraska
down behind me and she's Mmm
And she pushes us both through.
I still send Big Cynthia a Christmas card.
Wow. Costa Rica, Australia, Hong Kong.
You've been everywhere.
Well, I found somebody
who wanted to go places with me.
Uh It's not that I didn't want to
go places with you.
I had responsibilities.
You're the one who didn't want to wait.
Look, all right,
let's not rehash all that.
We're having a nice night here. Hmm?
And, uh, you're not the only one
who's been places.
Yeah, I've been to, um
the Eiffel Tower, the pyramids,
the island of treasure
You talking about Vegas?
So? Vegas is a place.
I had to take a flight.
I even been on a gondola.
Yeah. Me too. In Venice. Italy.
Stop showing off, Frank.
I'll travel one day.
I mean, come on, I still have time.
It's on my vision board,
right next to Regina leaving Bennie.
Well, I'm sure when you find time
for yourself, you'll get out there.
I thought we weren't doing that.
Come on, man. You see me out here.
You're right.
I'm not trying to bring up old shit.
Couldn't believe
I ran into you at the bar.
I just wanted to reconnect again.
See if your sister's dating anybody.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
You better be.
Yes, you know, I've given a lot
to my family over the years,
but their life is theirs
and my life is mine.
I am free to do me.
Well, great. Then, let's do something.
There's an Earth, Wind & Fire concert
tonight in Chicago. Come with me.
The elements?
You ain't said nothing but a thing.
Just let me finish my dessert.
Oh, damn, that's the house phone.
Oh, I gotta take this.
Aunt Lucretia, is it six or seven scoops
of coffee per cup?
Gotta get some caffeine in me.
Maya, put your mother on the phone.
Oh, she's gone. She put Aaliyah in charge.
Well, put Aaliyah on the phone.
She went to White Castle.
I'm babysitting Sydney.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am!
- No, you're not!
- Yes, I am!
- No, you are not!
- Yes, I am!
- You're not!
- Yes, I am!
- No, you're not!
- I'll be right there. Nobody move.
Yes, I
This is bad. My niece is making coffee.
I gotta go.
Did that waiter really take my cane?
Dear Lord, it's hot as shit in here.
If you could see fit to get me out
Oh, shit.
Won't He do it?
Ew! Is coffee supposed
to be chunky like this?
Just act like you like it.
That's what adults do.
What's up, ladies?
That double shift ain't no joke.
And on leg day? I am dying.
I heard that. Cup o' John?
Aw! It's a little coffee party.
That's cute. I'll take a cup.
Why is there coffee in this coffee cup?
Wait, did you guys make coffee?
I did. She was trying
to find that cat we let in.
Ma! What in the
Uh, yes. What are you yelling for, honey?
I'm right here.
What? I just
I went out back to check the plant.
With your purse?
I don't know your kid like that.
Yeah. Well, while you pretending to water
the plants, they are here making coffee.
See, that's cute.
That's a little coffee party, huh, girls?
Yeah. Well, I'll take a little sip myself.
Wait, this is coffee. Y'all made coffee?
What did I just say?
Where is your sister? Aaliyah!
Aaliyah, get down here. Aaliyah!
Hey, Mom. We were just playing
a game of hide-and-go-seek.
Looks like you were hiding
at White Castle.
Oh, that's for me.
What is happening?
Ma, I thought you were watching the kids.
I thought you were watching the kids.
Maya put marbles in the toilet.
What the hell were you thinking?
That they'd flush?
Not on you, but we'll circle back.
What were you thinking?
I wanted who I asked to watch Sydney.
Didn't my mom ask you to watch me?
Just Drink your coffee, sweetie.
Wait, don't.
Well, all I'm hearing is
there's a lot of blame to go around.
I say we all just forgive and forget,
or at least just forget.
- Go to your room!
- Yes, ma'am.
Oh, damn. I had a flashback.
She is a lot.
Girl, I don't know how you do it.
Girl, put that cup down and go to bed.
And we will talk about you
using the coffee maker in the morning.
Oh, I couldn't figure out
the coffee maker.
We just used the stove.
Bed. Morning. Go.
Oh, and brush your teeth.
You're too young for coffee breath.
All right, come on, Sydney,
I gotta get you home.
Maybe we'll stop for some ice cream
to discuss what we tell Mommy,
but the story's gotta be tight,
'cause she's a cop.
Good night. Sydney,
the next time I watch you,
I'll actually watch you.
Good night, Grandma Ree-Ree.
It's just Ree-Ree.
Good night, Mom.
Maya! It's Auntie.
Put down whatever you're holding.
Maya? What?
You been here the whole time?
Of course. I'm a good mother.
Well, I thought there was an emergency.
Got me rushing over here,
leaving Frank on his one night in town.
I ain't call you.
Y'all suck.
Like she the only one having a bad night.
You suck.
Bad news.
We ain't passing the inspection.
The hell happened to you?
I fell out the ceiling.
Baby, are you all right?
You could have a concussion.
No, I'm good.
Bad news.
We ain't passing the inspection.
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