The Upshaws (2021) s04e01 Episode Script

Thera Please

[funky instrumental music plays]
[Kelvin groans]
Yeah, found a shirt that smell good.
Well [sniffs]
good enough.
[scoffs] If you want me to pop
this ear pimple, stop squirming.
Bennie, hold the light
so I can get two fingers on it.
Oh, hell no.
I don't even dig in my own ear.
Dad, last night when I said I needed pads,
I didn't mean brake pads.
Oh, well, you asked me too late.
I can't hear after about 9:30.
- Ow!
- Ooh, I'm sorry.
My nail got stuck on something.
You might need to see a doctor about that.
Lucretia, you didn't make no coffee?
What have you been doing around here?
These aren't even my damn kids!
I'm not even related to that one.
Ear-cleaning ain't bonding?
That's some bullshit.
Mornings were so much better
when Regina was here.
Well, we don't live in that world
and haven't for the past month.
I'm sick of this. When is Mom coming home?
Look, your mom's going through something.
Yeah, we all going through something.
What he said.
[huffs] We go through this every morning.
Look, we can't rush her.
It's not like she's gone gone.
She's just not ready
to come back full time yet.
So we still have to rally
and make life easy for her,
which means you, Bennie Upshaw,
are gonna have to actually lift a finger.
Oh, okay. Well, I got your finger.
Oh, you better not.
It's Maya's hair-wash night.
Okay, no, we cool. I'm all right.
- Would it help if I made coffee?
- Boy, you my new favorite.
Aaliyah, what you got?
Cramps and brake pads.
I can't find a single shoe
that matches another shoe.
Is it okay if I just wear socks to school?
Nah. We do that again,
we gonna get a visit.
Dad, if I'm not getting any food here,
can I please get 20 more on my lunch card?
- Yeah, me too.
- [Bennie] Okay.
[shouting] If one more kid
asks for one more thing,
we gon' be on The First 48.
Can't believe I'm saying this,
but I agree with Bennie.
Can we have one morning
where your mother doesn't walk into chaos?
Yeah, we need to make it a place
where she wanna come back.
Let's cut the shit!
Uh is this a bad time to say
you're out of coffee filters?
Use the paper towels.
- You're out of those too.
- Oh my God.
Lucretia, you ain't go to Costcos?!
Don't even look over here.
And you don't want me going to Costco.
Costco sells coffins.
Oh, okay. Well, that's
You gon' buy a place
- I don't know!
- where you gonna bury me at.
I don't have no money, man.
[all talking at once]
[all] Hey! Hey!
Morning, family.
- Hey, baby. How you doing? Mm! [kisses]
- [Regina chuckles]
You doing good?
- You look good.
- [both laugh]
I am good.
I had a relaxing morning.
Mwah! I even had time to get [kisses]
a latte. [chuckles]
How nice.
- You guys ready for school?
- Oh, it's school time.
I was just about to start
loving on my sweet children.
[Kelvin] All right.
It is a happy home.
Oh, um, I probably don't say this enough
to the two of you.
Thanks a lot for holding it down.
- We got you.
- Always.
[Regina chuckles]
Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
Solid as a rock ♪
Solid, solid, solid, solid ♪
[instrumental music plays]
I don't know what it is.
I'm at my sister's place,
and all I want to do is go home,
but as soon as I'm there,
everything feels wrong.
Well, yeah.
You had a damn heart attack
in your kitchen.
I'd call that a trigger.
Yeah, but that ain't it though.
Well, here's a fun game.
What do you think it is?
You're the therapist.
You're not about to cash my sister's check
and have me do everything.
Like when you gave me homework.
I gave you a book to read.
It was your book.
And I had to pay for it.
It's funny how that works.
Hard out here for a therapist.
[chuckles] Medicare be coming for a bitch.
Look, will you focus?
Yes, you. You're the one who came in here
with something to discuss.
Now, why don't you wanna go home?
I wish I knew.
I [sighs]
I'm just lost right now.
Look, you've done
a lot of great work here.
And trust me,
I don't say that to everyone.
I deal with a lot of, you know, cra
And how does that make you feel?
Don't do that.
Now, if you're serious
about wanting to go home,
you might benefit
from bringing in another perspective.
Oh. Uh-uh. I see you.
You can't fix me,
so you just gon' pass me on
to somebody else?
I wish.
What I mean is,
it might be good
for me to meet with your husband,
get his take on what led you here.
Now you're trying to push my buttons.
And you trying to milk the clock.
Ain't no way in hell
Bennie Upshaw is coming to therapy.
Well, it would be good for me
to get some fresh eyes on this.
Maybe there's something we missed.
At least ask him.
You ask him.
- He's your husband.
- It's your idea.
- It's your recovery.
- [alarm chimes]
That's our hour.
I win.
All right, fine. I'll ask him.
[scoffs] But I already know
what he's gonna say.
You know damn well
I ain't going to no therapy.
That's for people with problems.
I got problems.
[sighs] I'm taking off from work.
I'm living with my sister.
Come on. I really need you to do this.
You told me
your mess had nothing to do with me.
I knew you was lying.
Of course she was lying.
You're the root of everybody's mess.
If you'd figured that out sooner,
I could've saved a ton of money.
Stop fueling him.
This has nothing to do with Bennie.
Oh, but that reminds me,
I forwarded you
the latest therapy invoice,
and, my bad,
I went over ten minutes on Tuesday,
but she she charged us for a whole hour!
I think we good where we at.
[sighs] Dr. Edmunds,
she's just trying
to get a different perspective.
Yeah, "perspective" is
another word for me.
And you up in my garage
trying to get me to go.
It's a whole lot of me up in this shit.
Okay, fine.
Don't go. Don't help.
I will figure out what's going on
without you.
It just might take me longer.
Bennie, get your ass to therapy
so I get my damn place back.
Oh, but take as long as you need
'cause you are a joy to have around.
Bennie, you wouldn't be talking
about our marriage.
You'd just be giving your take
on what happened.
You mean like a victim statement?
Let's just get
to where we all know this is going.
Leave him, and get your own damn place.
Though it will be a sad day
when you leave.
See, I knew it.
See how y'all ganging up on me right now?
That's exactly what you
and that therapist gon' do.
Now that, I'll pay for.
No, Bennie.
I won't even be there.
I won't know anything that happens.
You know that woman
gon' tell you everything I said.
Women talk.
No! No, sh she can't.
All right,
maybe I'm not explaining this right.
So you go in,
and you have a private conversation,
and nothing gets back to me. Nothing!
Listen, as far
as I'm concerned [chuckles]
it's like you're not even there.
As far as she's concerned,
I'm in therapy right now.
- [Tony chuckles]
- I don't know, man.
Sounds like your wife is trusting you.
Yeah, I know you still new,
but we don't take sides against family.
Oh, you're right. My bad.
I'm just happy to be here. [chuckles]
Hey, are you gonna eat all those nachos?
Yes, I am.
What about the cheese
dripping on the side?
Hey, hey, hey, man.
My cheese is my cheese, okay?
I deserve this. I haven't had a minute
since Regina walked out,
and I'mma just go ahead and say it,
I got too many kids.
From all we can see up here,
we might as well all be at therapy.
[Bennie] Huh!
- [whooping]
- [Tony] Ooh, what happened?
What happened? We score?
Game hasn't started yet.
- They just brought out the T-shirt cannon.
- Oh, yo, up here!
- Yo, up here!
- Right here.
What am I doing?
That shirt wouldn't get
all the way up here till tomorrow.
[groans] Damn!
[panting] That's that's a lot of stairs.
You just now getting here?
Didn't we start together?
[sighs] You know I had my knees replaced.
Twice. [sighs]
I did get hit by this shirt though.
Give me that.
- Oh damn! Why is it wet?
- Ugh!
Because I'm damn near cardiac arrest,
you assholes.
I don't mind if it's wet,
as long as I know why it's wet.
We need some better friends, man.
Y'all ruining my therapy.
Hey, therapy works.
Me and Mama made a lot of progress
when we did couples therapy.
Please tell me
you got a girlfriend named "My Mama."
I used to think I did, but I learned,
through therapy, that I don't.
You couldn't figure that out on your own?
Man, fix your own broken home.
We good at Casa de Davis.
Finally got a waterbed in my room.
[mocking] "You got a waterbed
in your room."
I know if I'd gone to therapy,
I would've had an honorable discharge.
Not about you, Larry.
I can't share?
You guys are a complicated group.
Look, Regina thinks I'm there,
she's happy.
I'm not there, I'm happy.
Man, I'm with you.
Never give 'em anything.
Not your feelings
and definitely not your location.
[man grunting]
Here's your food, baby.
where's the mustard?
I can't eat a pretzel and hot dog
with no mustard!
You didn't ask me for mustard.
The mustard was implied.
You never pay attention when I talk.
I pay attention,
but you just didn't say, "I want mustard."
Terry, it's not about the mustard.
It's not? Because it sound like
it's about the mustard!
He don't know me at all.
Nope. Davis, switch seats with me.
Come on. I ain't dealing with this.
Nope. I'm down.
Once I'm down, I'm down.
- So you gon' let me eat all of this dry?
- Damn it! I'll get your goddamn mustard!
They ain't gon' make it.
All right, you know the drill. Homework.
And don't ask me shit.
Hey. I finished
Bridge to Terabithia today.
They did that girl wrong.
I'm owed a snack.
Maybe Mom can whip you up something. Mom?
Mommy? Mother?
Can we have one day
without your bitterness?
Maya, I can make you an omelet.
My school nurse says
I can't have those anymore.
She noticed my eyes were all cloudy.
All them eggs have my LDLs
through the roof.
Have a Pop-Tart. That's fruit.
Mom says we can only have those
on the weekend.
Maybe she's changed her mind.
Let's ask her.
- Mommy
- Get over it!
Sometimes moms leave.
Sometimes dads leave.
That's life, boo.
Oh, to be like that happy little idiot.
You should admire
what your mother's doing right now.
Took a lot of courage
to go and get herself right.
We all just have to make sacrifices.
What sacrifices are you making?
My privacy, my sanity,
any chance of hot water.
Dirties my floors,
drinks my liquor. [scoffs]
And uses my towels!
I have guest towels.
Why she gotta use my monograms?
Tell me about your little snacks.
Enjoying yours?
I haven't had one madeleine
since your mom moved in.
Tell her, Auntie.
You and me ain't there yet.
No, I just thought
'cause, you know, I live here now.
Cheese or no cheese?
You know what?
I will have my omelet on the sofa.
No need for a napkin.
She eats all over my furniture.
I'mma eat all over hers.
And, yes, I can be a petty bitch.
Maya, get out of here, rug rat.
- What did I do?
- Remind me of your mama.
Are you back? Did Bennie go to therapy?
Are you fixed? Is it all over?
I just came here
to get some more sweaters.
Yeah, there seems to be a lock
on your thermostat.
Because I run hot.
Even hotter recently.
Well, I'm headed back to your place
to take a long, hot, relaxing bubble bath.
With my French lavender?
[scoffs] I wish!
I ran through that last week.
It was only flown in from Provence,
but maybe I'll find some at Big Lots!
Ooh, it's getting hot in here.
[funky instrumental music plays]
- Yo, what happened, man?
- Stop asking them police questions.
When they cheer, you cheer.
[announcer] Pacer Nation,
one lucky fan is about to take
the Gainbridge Fieldhouse half-court shot.
- If you're in balcony level
- Shit. We balcony.
- section 209, row 18
- That's us!
- seat 8
- That's us!
start walking now.
You have the chance to win a Kia Sportage.
[Tony] Yo!
- Man, get up, Davis.
- No, man.
- [Bennie] Get your ass down there.
- What? That's you!
Nah, I ain't doing all those stairs
for a Sportage.
Hey! Pick someone else! No!
- Shit, man. Switch seats with me.
- I ain't
What you not getting about this?
Once I'm down, I'm down!
[announcer] While we wait
on the lucky ticket holder,
let's have some fun with the Kiss Cam!
[pop music over PA]
[Bennie laughs] He looks
as whipped as you, Tony!
Oh, look! It's us! [giggles]
[Bennie] Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Uh-uh.
This is not my wife.
Her man went to get mustard, y'all.
Bump him.
- I'm on the big TV! Look at
- What the hell?
[Bennie] Come on now.
Look, you smell like weed.
Don't do that.
Uh-uh. Don't play that. I don't play that.
Look. It's not even on us anymore.
Stop, girl. Why you doing this?
What the hell?!
- Why are you all up in my girl's face?
- Hey, man. Your woman's crazy.
- She jumped me.
- Calling my girl crazy?
I mean, you wanna do this right now?
I will bust your ass!
- Don't you drop my mustard.
- Okay, what's happening?
Hey. I got you, Bennie.
Larry, since you're the new guy
in the group,
throw yourself in front of the big guy.
Go get him!
No, Larry, I got this.
- Oh!
- [Davis] Damn!
Yeah! Yeah!
- [groans]
- Oh man!
- Uh
- [yells]
[Bennie] No! Wait, wait, wait!
- He crazy!
- [Bennie] Get off, man!
[funky instrumental music plays]
I know it won't last.
Wonder if I have time to change the locks.
I earned this.
[door opens]
[Regina] Hey.
Ooh! We drinking drinking?
[laughing] Oh yes!
[sighs] I so need this.
[sighs deeply]
Guess this is our whiskey.
I'm gonna kill Bennie.
You say it,
but I buy the quicklime
and nothing happens.
Dr. Edmunds called.
He didn't show up for his appointment.
[sighs] I need some carbs to calm down.
Guess these are our pretzels, too, huh?
You're really surprised you asked Bennie
to do something and he didn't do it?
I'm so mad.
Honestly, I don't think I'll ever go home.
Damn it, Bennie.
You get me.
This is why I'm glad
we have this sister time.
[Regina] Mm-hmm.
Whiskey is so nasty.
It's too burny.
How you drink this stuff?
Usually in peace.
Why would Bennie do this?
I told him
that I needed him to go to therapy
so that I could come home.
Maybe he doesn't want me to come home.
Maybe I pushed him too far,
and he's had enough.
Is this the end of us?
Shit, am I gon'
have to get back out there?
Girl, I support you.
Get out there. Get out now.
Nope. No.
No, Regina. Stop it. You are spiraling.
You know, Dr. Edmunds would
call me out on this.
Maybe Bennie has a good reason.
You know he don't.
I don't know that,
and I will not stress myself out
until Bennie and I can talk
and I have all the information.
That's how you scratch up a Camaro.
Until he and I talk,
I'm just going to take this time
to calm down.
You know what calms me down?
Hanging up my jacket.
Look at all these empty hooks.
Pedicures. [chuckles]
I'mma go and get your good polish!
And I promise
I won't spill any like last time.
Last time?
[guard] All right. Let's go.
- [Bennie] This some bullshit.
- Y'all in there till the game is over.
Once you clear the parking lot,
you can kill each other for all I care.
You're lucky your friends
jumped on my back and covered my eyes.
I'm scrappy when I'm scared.
Hey, man. You stay on your side,
unless you wanna get busted
in the lip again.
You're not gon' grab me and pull me back?
- What's wrong with you?
- What?
- I could've got hit again.
- Hold up, man.
We had your back, Bennie.
Davis just sat there.
I didn't get up for a Sportage.
I'm damn sure not getting up
for a ass-whooping.
The only reason I'm in here is they said
they'd give me a ride to the parking lot.
How am I supposed to explain
I got a black eye in therapy?
Maybe Regina will believe
you had a breakthrough
and beat yourself up over it.
Laugh it up.
- I'mma kill you when we get out of here.
- No, she jumped me.
Come on, grab me. Pull me back.
- That's how I got hit last time.
- Yeah, yeah.
It was the Kiss Cam.
I'm not about to have the whole stadium
thinking that bama wouldn't kiss me.
This is not how it's supposed to go.
[Terry sighs]
I was gonna propose to you
out there today, Sharice.
In those cheap seats?
Boy, please.
Why are you like this?
[exhales deeply]
She a woman, bro.
They all like this, man.
I am not the problem.
You know what?
Y'all do y'all.
I'mma read my book.
Hey. Hey, man.
They're doing your thing on the jumbotron.
[TV playing]
[announcer on TV] Wherever Sharice is,
we hope she said "yes."
Hey, what's the emergency?
- I need you to turn the water off quick.
- What's wrong?
- Your mama.
- Your mama!
I just asked a question.
I'm talking about your actual mama.
She's soaking in my tub, Bernard,
in my hot water and in my bubbles.
What do you think "emergency" means?
Look, Auntie,
she's going through something.
Yeah, all my shit.
She's terrible.
You You gotta take her, please.
Something's gonna happen.
I'mma up and do something.
Okay, just sit her down
and tell her how you feel.
I can't do that!
She's going through something.
Maybe I should just move.
At least in the beginning,
she was locked in her room, crying.
She wasn't eating. She wasn't bathing.
It was the best.
Now she's out.
Look, until she figures it out,
there's nothing you can do.
I mean, she's made a lot of progress.
What you wanna do? Make her sad again?
Remember our dog, Sprinkles, who died?
You came in your bathroom to ask me that?
No, I went in my guest bath
to ask you that, but you weren't there.
Remember how sad you were
when Mom and Dad just came home
with her collar?
[scoffs] Honestly, I was pretty little
when Sprinkles died.
I barely remember her.
I always thought of her as more your dog.
[quietly] Damn it.
Remember when nobody asked you
to the prom?
Just a poor, pathetic pregnant girl,
home alone, fat.
Wasn't that sad?
Makes me sad just thinking about it.
I'm getting mad. What the hell, man?
- What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm just reminiscing.
Having my sister here makes me reminisce.
[relaxed sigh]
Remember when Mister
sent Celie's sister away?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Lucretia, what what is the point
of any of this?
Look, I love having you,
and I love that I can be here for you,
but I just like things a certain way.
[scoffs] Well, just say that, you psycho.
What the
You ain't have to drag
The Color Purple into this.
I was desperate.
You have stepped up for me in a huge way.
I know that, and and I'm grateful.
And if I disrespected that in any way,
well, shit, I'm sorry.
I'll tell you what. Let me clear out,
give you some space.
I'll go back home.
I'll wait for Bennie
'cause I gotta talk to him.
And when I get back,
you just tell me how you want things.
- Okay.
- Okay.
All right. Bless you.
[Regina chuckles]
Boy, it's been a month
since I danced naked to Chaka Khan.
[Regina laughs]
Well, I don't mind if you dance naked.
Uh, you will the way I do it.
The dentist can't be the killer.
There's three hours left in this book.
I don't know, man.
I do everything for her.
That's not even an audiobook.
I recorded it
just so she could save two dollars.
And it is the dentist.
You don't know what doing everything is
until you've plucked your girl's back.
You need to be by yourself.
None of you guys' woman left you
like my wife did.
Your wife left you?
Yeah. She said she felt like
she was stuck in life.
She felt sad.
She didn't feel like she had a purpose.
Just a whole bunch
of little bitty petty shit.
Sounds like she got a lot going on.
Oh my God. They killed the brother?
Yeah. Regina did have a lot going on,
and she's trying to get me to therapy
so she can blame me for it.
I get blamed for everything, too, man.
Maybe it is me.
No, no. Don't do that.
Don't make her shit your shit.
- Well, it must be something I'm doing.
- No, that's how she is.
- Then how do I fix it?
- It ain't on you to fix her.
If she want fixing, it's on her.
All you can do is help.
Oh, damn.
Is that what Regina's trying to say to me?
[all] Yes.
Oh, she's not trying to leave me.
She's trying to come home.
I gotta go help my woman, man.
I think I gotta dump mine.
Wait, wait. Where you going?
We're still in basketball jail.
This ain't real prison.
The door ain't even locked. [laughs]
But the door out there is.
[funky instrumental music plays]
My baby wants me in therapy,
we're going to therapy.
[pop music playing over stereo]
♪last forever ♪
They can't hear me over Chaka.
Ain't nobody ♪
Why is everything on you
touching the floor?
Ain't nobody ♪
- Oh God.
- [Lucretia] Alexa, stop music!
I gotta do something.
I gotta pour a drink.
What did I just see?
Uh Oh God!
I need my vision to be drunk.
[theme music playing]
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