The Upshaws (2021) s04e06 Episode Script

Auto Motives

Look, I'm not saying
if it's right or wrong.
I'm not sure
it's the adequate use of US resources.
What? But they're crimes against humanity.
- That's not what I'm talking about.
- Forget all of that!
Lucretia is broke!
Her money's gone.
I'm so happy.
Whoo, I can't breathe!
Can happiness give you asthma?
Oh my God. Poor Lucretia.
Man, I think I got $40 I could
No, you don't. No, you don't!
We are not lifting her up.
We gon' kick her while she's down.
Hold up. You happy 'cause she broke?
Hell yeah.
All them years
she held that money over me.
Looking down on me.
This is my time.
I'm owed this.
I don't know. Regina ain't gon' like
you messing with her sister.
Yeah, well, she's not gon' know that.
Hey, man, you ain't no snitch,
is you, Tony?
No, sir. Let's mess her up!
I feel weird
clowning on a person's misfortune.
That's not a person.
That's Lucretia.
Now, here she comes right now.
She's coming.
Look, I gotta get
my smile right.
Do I look like the Joker?
I feel like him.
What the hell's wrong with this city?
Since when do all the parking meters work?
Wow. Ooh!
That's crazy.
You need some change?
'Cause I got some change.
Can you break a hunny?
Then I'd be giving you change.
You can't count Blacula.
Hey, but you right. You right.
It's Davis' birthday,
and we all pitching in.
What you got?
Good wishes?
Davis don't work here.
Then it's Tony's birthday.
Hey, where'd you park
so I can go get your purse?
Unless you store everything
in your humpbacks.
- What's this?
- What?
Hey! What the hell?
I have an office full of paperwork.
Don't nobody ask me for anything.
That's 'cause she ain't got it to give.
Tony, go get the truck.
- We gon' tow her car in the red zone.
- That's a $150 ticket, boss.
I know. Hey, man, look.
Get on board or go home.
We doing this.
Come on, get your shit together.
Solid as a rock ♪
Solid, solid, solid, solid ♪
Mm, pancakes!
- Nobody makes one pancake.
- I didn't.
The others were so good,
I ate them right out of the skillet.
"locking it up. Bernard, can you do this?
Bernard, can you do"
You just gon' walk in this house
and not say hi?
I thought I did.
Look, these double shifts
are killing me. I'm exhausted.
I only came here
'cause your couch is closer.
Baby working hard for his dream.
Cre, give Bernard your pancake.
There's no more.
You're out of juice too.
You know, I'm not even gonna ask
why you're here all the time.
I got 5,000 reasons to be in a good mood.
- You get some kind of raise at work?
- No, please.
Half our patients pay us in cornbread.
No, your dad sold his baseball cards.
If you don't wanna tell me what it is,
just say it's your business.
Regina, you know damn well
Bennie has already turned that money
into poker chips,
lost it, stole some of your money,
lost that.
Shoot, this house
probably not even yours anymore.
Uh, what I say? There go the repo man.
Hey, kids,
come say goodbye to your shit.
Should we wake him?
No. He looks so peaceful. Leave him alone.
No, nope, uh-uh.
You are not about to start fixing cars
in the driveway again.
Relax, baby. We bought this one!
I don't know how y'all gon' live in this,
but I guess you'll make it work.
We gon' shove you
in the glove box, Lucretia.
That's where the trash goes.
Bennie, that's a body-sized trunk.
Don't tempt me.
Look, I bought it for Aaliyah and Kelvin.
You bought those jobless kids a car?
What are we, white people?
Yeah, I used my baseball-card money.
Damn, we do sound white.
Bennie, we could've done so much
with that money.
Yeah, starting with
breaking me off a piece.
Are you telling me
you need money, Lucretia?
My bad. I cut you off.
You were yelling at him.
I mean, the cards was from my dad.
And as a dad,
I just wanted to do something for my kids.
Damn, that's sweet.
But, baby, we always
talk about big purchases.
Usually how we can't make 'em.
They're about to start driving, okay?
If we get 'em a car, you don't have to be
their personal Uber anymore.
I know how much you do.
You did this for me?
If that's how you heard it, then sure.
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
You gon' get some tonight.
Maybe blow your back out.
Damn, y'all making them pancakes
come back up.
I'm gonna check on my laundry.
You better not be in there
washing them Shirley Caesar panties.
Oh dang.
You guys fixing cars at home again?
I still have a carburetor under my bed.
That's where that went!
And I cussed the delivery guy out.
Yeah, I know.
Wait, where's Kelvin?
Probably with Savannah. Who cares?
Well, we'll we'll tell him later.
I got you guys a car!
You're not playing? Say you not playing!
You better not be playing!
I am not playing!
It's yours and for Kelvin
when he comes back!
Bump Kelvin!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Wait, you handing out cars now?
The nicest thing you ever got me was
Man, now I'm really trying to think.
Okay, well, while you thinking
and while you blinking,
I got something for all the kids.
Look at that.
Resident Evil 4! Thanks, Dad!
Mom said I couldn't have this!
Bernard, I got you a purse.
Relax, man, it's for Sydney.
What the hell is Cooch?
It was damn near Coach.
Look, people, I just got a car.
Toss me the keys before Kelvin get home.
I don't know
why you wanna drive this bucket.
- Probably doesn't run anyways.
- I checked this car.
Damn, Bernard, everybody else liking me.
What's your problem?
Nothing. Don't give me a second thought.
Hey, come back. You forgot your Cooch.
Did your daddy come through,
or did your daddy come through?
It would be even better
if I was in the driver's seat.
I got a lot of folk
waiting to watch me drive.
I'm going live.
Uh, pay attention.
Now, what's the first thing you do
when you get inside of a car?
Duh, seat belt.
Oh yeah, damn.
Oh, and then you connect your Spotify
so you can find a song to set the vibe.
Hold up.
This car too old for Bluetooth?
Oh man. Bernard was right.
Bernard ain't never right.
He hates everything.
"Oh, I hate
that you gotta drive this bucket."
"I hate this car."
"I hate my purse."
"I hate my daddy."
I hate your ashy-ass voice.
So then you check your mirrors.
Let's just go.
- Dad!
- What the
You good?
Ooh, you broke the garage door.
Mom's gon' be mad at you.
The hell she will.
Switch with me.
- What?
- Look, you gotta take the heat on this.
You learning.
She ain't gon' be mad at you.
My mom won't get mad?
She'll never let me drive again.
And I haven't even driven yet!
Don't worry. I got you, okay?
Now, look, me and your mom
made some plans for the evening,
and I don't wanna mess that up.
Fifty bucks.
Fifty bucks?
Girl, I just bought you a car,
and you trying to shake me down?
Now get your ass out this car
and act guilty.
All right. I put the spaghetti
I made for you in the fridge.
That should last you
for the rest of the week.
Oh, thanks, Mom.
- And thanks for treating me to coffee.
- Mm-hmm.
I would've been here earlier,
but your order is so complicated.
Half pumps, two different milks,
and what's extra hot?
Hot's hot.
- Ew! This is just black coffee.
- Hmm.
I dropped yours
because it was too damn hot.
So we not gon' talk about
your little blow-up in the driveway?
Nothing to talk about.
Your husband's an ass.
Oh, sweet pea,
I honestly think it was a mistake.
He just wasn't thinking about you.
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Uh
That didn't come out right.
Look, I wanna do something.
Now, I know how hard
you're working to get this gym,
so, if you're cool with it,
I'm gonna ask Cre
to lend you the money you need.
Aunt Lucretia?
Y I I'm good. I'll figure it out.
Oh, you just like your daddy.
He didn't want me to go to her for money
either, but that's how he got his garage.
You can't ask her for money.
She's got too much money.
What's going on?
I am not lying.
Spill it.
I can't betray Auntie's trust.
Oh shit. This that good tea.
Tell me!
Or I live here.
She cannot know I told you.
Get to it! Get to it! Get to it!
Aunt Lucretia's lifestyle has shifted.
- Shifted?
- Yes.
She thinks you'll treat her differently.
I mean, I told her you'd be cool
and, you know, love her for her,
but it's an identity thing.
Maybe I don't think
it's that big of a deal
because I've always lived this way,
but she
Oh shit! Cre's a lesbian!
I gotta go support her!
She's not gay.
She's broke.
- Broke?
- Yes.
Aunt Lucretia is broke.
It feels so good
to speak her truth.
I gotta read this whole manual
before you let me drive?
If I need to use a child lock,
I've run into some bigger life problems.
Look, people need information.
That's how you help fix stuff
when things go wrong.
I'm not about to have you
thinking you know stuff.
You don't know what you don't know,
only to find out other people know,
but you still not supposed to know,
you know?
I definitely do not know.
Just keep reading
while I run inside.
Shit! That's my paint!
At least their alarm didn't
Ignore me. I'm reading.
Oh, I did not need this today.
Uh-oh. Lady running outta the pharmacy.
Oh, she big and mad.
And she's swinging her purse.
Switch with me.
- Again?
- What?
Yeah, what you said. What?
People are a lot nicer to student drivers.
Besides, I let that garage door go.
Your dad said we should take your permit,
but I talked him down.
Dang, Dad, that's cold.
- Well, back to reading.
- Uh-uh. Bump that.
We will get you Triple-A.
She done took off her earrings.
- You go under. I'll go over.
- Come on, girl.
- It's why I keep Vaseline in my purse.
- Oh, she coming!
I did not park in the red.
I don't know. Maybe it slid.
You know what? Just keep the damn car.
How much is it a day?
I'll be right there.
- Bennie, give me the petty cash.
- I spent it.
On what?
On some real petty shit.
What are you up to?
Oh, nothing.
But I got something for you.
- What's this for?
- You'll find some use for it.
There's a bus stop on that corner.
A whole lot of foot traffic.
What's wrong, Lucretia?
Was my gift in poor taste?
Or should I just say broke-ass taste?
Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh God!
Damn, I haven't been that happy
since Janet Jackson's titty popped out.
Oh, okay. We starting that again.
Just sign this
so you can forget I was here.
Hey, man. You're not gon' break my shit
and just leave. All right?
You've been in your feelings
since this morning.
If you've got something you wanna say,
just say it.
Man, just when I think you're different,
you remind me that ain't shit changed.
Same old Bennie. Selfish as ever.
How the hell am I selfish when I tried
to do a nice thing for my kids
and your stank-ass tried to ruin it?
Does it ever occur to you
that I'm your kid too?
Yeah, I know.
You Bennie Upshaw Junior.
Then why don't you ever do shit for me?
Why don't you ever think of me?
Man, I have never asked you for anything,
mostly 'cause
you never had anything to give,
and the minute you do,
it doesn't even cross your mind
to include me.
Hey, man, if this is about a gift,
here, take a gift.
Take some broken-ass headlights, son.
You're not hearing me.
You see how hard I'm working for my gym.
You know how much it means to me.
I ain't got no problem with it.
I'm the one that told you to do it.
Some of that money
would've gone a long way to help me.
But it's cool. I'm used to Aaliyah
and Maya getting everything they want.
Hey, man, quit playing the victim.
You too damn grown
to be jealous of two little girls.
But I am.
And that's on you.
You know what?
I don't matter to you,
and you don't matter to me.
Hey, Bernard. Bernard, hey. Bernard!
Hey, I got your text.
Are you sure Bennie knows?
He knows.
His sense of humor is more flyby.
This feels like he's got tone on me.
He's Maverick,
and I'm in the danger zone, Bernard.
But he's not even my biggest problem.
Look at this.
- What am I looking at?
- It's from the IRS.
That's how much I owe.
I thought this was your account number.
I had no idea it was this bad.
If I don't pay the outstanding balance,
they gon' take the building.
Like, take take the building?
They know I come with it, right?
Yeah, Bernard,
that's what keeps me up all night.
Thinking about where you gon' stay.
There's gotta be a way for us to
I mean, for you to get out of this.
Can you get a loan?
No, there's already a lien
on the building.
No, there's gotta be something you can do,
something you could sell.
I own two things,
this building and the garage.
No other assets?
Just the asset I'm sitting on.
And it ain't for sale.
When you're driving,
the signs aren't always clear.
Sometimes you come to a fork in the road,
and you're just stuck.
You don't know which way to turn.
Just make this right, right here.
That's the problem.
You can't always make it right.
If it was that simple,
you could just do it.
Okay, well, then go past and bust a U-ey.
I mean, dang, where are you going?
I wish I knew.
Well, I know you're supposed to slow down
in a school zone.
Oh dang. What did I do?
Ignore me.
Okay. Teachable moment.
When this happens,
you keep your hands on the wheel
and have your license ready.
Oh hell. I forgot to renew my license.
Switch with me.
You aren't gonna bribe me first?
Everything I've done for you?
You better take this hit.
Hello, officer.
I'm terribly sorry.
She went so fast,
I almost came into the front seat.
Ass first?
That's how scared I was.
I'm gonna miss you, open floor plan.
I'm gonna miss you, brick accent walls.
I'm gonna miss you,
unnecessarily expensive panic room.
I'm sorry we never had a home invasion.
Bar cart.
You're coming with me.
You might end up
being my only means of transportation.
Miss Turner's not home, child!
why are you being Jamaican?
I started Duolingo.
I can't wait to call Bennie a bumbaclot.
Why are you here?
Uh, Aaliyah broke the garage door,
so I've started clearing some things out,
and I wondered
if you could use my winter coat,
uh, some fresh toiletries,
uh, and a 12-pack of ramen.
How d'you find out?
I'm your sister.
I am dialed in.
I will always know
what's going on with you.
Bernard told you?
- Yes.
- Hmm.
But it was really hard for him.
The point is, you should've told me.
Why didn't you come to me?
About money?
Huh. Why don't I just talk to Maya
about menopause?
Be broke.
Look, there was so many times
I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't.
Just too ashamed.
Asham Oh my
That is just silly.
That's stupid. You
I always come to you.
And most times,
you should really be ashamed.
- Bennie and I could've helped.
- Bennie?
Uh, he barely knows,
and he's already clowning me.
Oh, I'mma tell you.
You better get your man.
I'll take him out.
I got nothing to lose now.
Well, my kids have something to lose,
and, come on, Bennie wouldn't clown you
about something like this.
He knows where the line is.
Oh, Regina.
How's Kelvin, by the way?
I'mma give you that one for free
'cause you can't afford to buy it.
I deserved that.
I guess impending poverty
makes me insensitive.
So, what are you gonna do?
What's your plan?
I don't know.
I really only have two options,
and I can't do either of 'em.
What are they?
It doesn't matter.
I mean, I'm not gonna do 'em.
It's just It's just too selfish.
Hey, in therapy
Regina, I'm in enough pain.
In therapy, I learned that "selfish"
doesn't have to be a bad word.
Selfish can mean self-care.
God knows you have taken care
of everybody, Lucretia.
You are entitled to take care of yourself.
Now, whatever and however
you decide to move forward,
as long as it brings you peace, do it.
Thank you.
How about I treat you to dinner?
Are you sure?
Yeah, I got it.
You want chicken flavor or shrimp?
Whatever this is, I'm not hiding it.
It's for your gym, son.
It's my baseball-card money.
You said you used that to buy the car.
I say a lotta shit.
Now, someone dropped it off
for Cars for Kids,
and I took the car and gave it to my kids.
How do you make something so shifty
sound so sweet?
You gotta believe it in here.
- Then why'd you say you bought it?
- 'Cause your mama don't have my vision.
She wanted to redecorate the house.
I wanted a Ms. Pac-Man machine.
Sucks when you can't get what you want.
Yeah, it does.
And I guess you know something about it.
It is what it is.
I'm a grown-ass man, remember?
Look, man, you right.
I don't think about you.
That's because I see you.
You hustle. You handle your business.
You don't seem like you need anything.
But you still my kid.
Look, if I'm taking this, it is a loan.
I am paying you back.
No, man.
That's an investment.
Thanks, Pop.
Now, investors ain't gotta
do a lot, right?
Man, nobody wants that from you.
My dude.
All right, so there's gonna be
a speed bag over here.
I'm gonna put a ring in the center
and a juice bar in the back.
No, a juice bar? We ain't doing all that.
What about an ice-cream bar?
If my baby wants juice,
let him have juice. It's his gym.
Uh, no, it's our gym.
Oh Lord.
This is our gym.
You sweet, clueless idiot.
Letting your dad in here?
You know what? It'll be fine.
All that matters is I'm finally doing it.
When you told me you lost all your money,
I thought this day would never happen.
Oh damn. Y'all knew?
Of course I knew. I'm dialed in.
Oh, this is grown-folks business.
If you knew, why didn't you tell me?
Because I knew you wouldn't let me
mess with your sister like this.
Lucretia, bring your little sad, broke ass
over here.
Now let's say it together.
"Government cheese!"
No, you know what? I wanna thank you.
I was on the fence about something,
but your simple ass
helped me hop right over.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
I'm selling the shop.
Are you out your damn mind?
- You can't sell the shop. That is ours.
- That's not what the paperwork says.
- Oh God.
- Hey, hang on. Hang on. Hang on.
What are you talking about?
Well, it's like you said.
For once, I'm gonna be selfish,
put myself first.
You got that from what I said?
I meant, like, stop giving to charity.
I am.
And besides, you'll be fine.
You have this gym.
Everybody okay?
Davis, what the hell, man?
Switch with me?
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