The Vampire Diaries s06e03 Episode Script

Welcome to Paradise

Previously on "The Vampire Diaries" Damon's gone! Alaric will compel away any memories I had of Damon and me being together.
Tyler and Stefan are on board.
Just take it away, please.
Vampires can't get into Mystic Falls.
- They can lurk around the borders.
- Aah! No! Caroline compelled her to forget Elena attacked her.
It's not a big deal.
You're from Mystic Falls? One of the founding families actually.
Any final words? Where the hell are we? We got here by magic.
Magic should be able to get us out.
Look who got 27 across.
- I didn't finish this.
- Well, neither did I.
There's someone else here.
Stefan didn't say good-bye.
Damon and Bonnie died, and he just left.
Let her go.
Ain't a parking lot, kid.
Yeah? Well, I'm not here to work.
Need a few days off.
And it looks like I need a new mechanic.
I said I need a few days off.
Are you slow? Let me simplify.
Stay keep the job.
Leave lose it.
Ohh! How the hell are you so strong? You hired a vampire.
Next time, do a background check.
Now shut up and don't move.
You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that.
See, I was trying to get a fresh start, live a normal life, normal job, normal dick of a boss.
That's you by the way.
This place was supposed to be my sanctuary, and it was until yesterday.
Come with me.
That's my girlfriend Ivy.
Somebody killed her last night right in front of me, so now I need to go back home Last place on this planet I want to be Find him, and kill him.
Like I said, I need a few days off.
You should take a few days off.
Thanks, buddy.
I will.
Now I need you to drive my car into the woods.
You're gonna bury my girlfriend and forget this ever happened.
Oh, and when I get back, you're giving me a raise.
So I, uh, volunteer at the hospital until, like, 2:00, and then I figure we can carpool to the party at the swimming hole.
Um, normally when you move back in, you unpack.
I'm not staying.
Last night was just a momentary moment of weakness.
Momentary moment? Are you sure you don't want to come back to school? Caroline, needing your friends isn't a weakness, momentary or otherwise.
Tell that to Stefan, who clearly needs no one.
Cut him some slack.
He lost his brother.
Granted, said brother was a soulless homicidal maniac, but still.
What? Nothing.
I just I got to go.
I've got breakfast with Enzo, so - Enzo? - Mm-hmm.
You guys go on one road trip, and all of a sudden, you're breakfast buddies? Yeah, I guess so.
Ironically, he's recently become one of the more stable people in my life.
Ok.
Then invite him to the party.
- Elena.
- Come on.
I got Matt to take the afternoon off from his training and Tyler to give the practice squad a break.
Even Jeremy is coming.
It's been forever since we've all been together.
It'll be fun.
Don't make me invoke the nuclear option.
Because I will selfie bomb you every 5 minutes.
- Ok.
Fine.
I'll go to the party.
- Yay! But I'm not moving back in.
That is a conversation to be had over jell-o shots.
What did Alaric do to her? All I know is she doesn't remember whatever it is she saw in Damon, and we're supposed to keep it that way.
I just spent the whole night with her, and it's weird.
She just doesn't seem like her old self.
Yeah.
It's because she's happy.
Isn't that the point? I guess.
Look.
I got to go.
I'll see you later.
It's a little early for a carwash.
Oh, yeah.
I brought in some mulch so you guys could clean up that little park on 4th.
Turns out red mulch stains.
- Who knew? - My friends are having a party, and I'd like to go by this afternoon after lunch.
You need a permission slip? I'm not your mom.
Go.
And take Jay.
Suckered him into washing my car.
He needs some fun.
You're driving.
I'm drinking.
Both of you, keep your eyes open.
We've had a lot of animal attacks lately.
- He means dog bite girl.
- Yeah.
I know what he means.
That shower has 4 heads.
Who's so dirty they need 4 heads? You'd be surprised.
You want bourbon or, well, bourbon? I hate bourbon, but I love this house.
Can I just pretend that I found my dad and it's whoever lives here? Trust me.
It's not.
Why not? My mom lived in Mystic Falls for years before she had me.
Somebody had to knock her up.
- You ever think about asking her? - Oh.
Good idea.
Hurry.
- Let's go to the cemetery.
- Gotcha.
Sorry.
- Who does live here anyway? - Two brothers.
One moved.
The other is dead.
- Hey.
Quick question.
- Quick answer.
No.
Hilarious.
We're having a party today.
You think you could spare a keg or two from scull bar? You can come.
You and alcohol and my brother.
Why does that combination sound so familiar and terrible? Who is your trachea, Luke? In fairness, he apologized.
I'm working on this, ok? I watch my drinking, I avoid things that make me angry.
Come by the bar after 1:00.
I'll see what I can do.
You're doing that thing again.
What thing? Oh, the thing where you're a bitch because you like somebody.
It's pretty transparent.
I don't blame you.
He's hot.
Hey, cutebrag.
- Did you just call me cutebrag? - Hey.
I didn't come up with it.
Another one of the volunteers did.
What? Sometimes, you brag.
At least it has "cute" in it.
Small favors.
I'm Liam, you're Elena.
See how easy it is to remember? Brag.
Is there something you wanted other than to destroy my self-esteem? Actually, yes.
Are you doing anything this afternoon? My friends are throwing a party just outside my hometown, and there's a girl that I actually want you to meet.
- Just come.
- Ok.
Stefan? Hey.
What For the record, 4 months is far too long for me to go without seeing you.
I know.
That's why I'm here.
I wanted to stop by and say hi.
I got it.
Ok.
We need strawberries, eggs, milk, and ooh candles.
I know it's been a while, but you couldn't do magic as an anchor, so I'm curious what momentary lapse of reason makes you think you can do it now.
You know, when all this started, you sucked at making pancakes, and now they're somewhat edible.
Milk.
There's no reason to be peter pessimist.
We have proof we're not alone.
First of all Don't nickname.
That's my thing.
And this proof, this mysteriously filled in crossword, could very easily have been you.
I didn't fill it in.
No.
You don't know you filled it in.
You also don't know that you talk in your sleep.
Eggs.
What are you saying? Are you saying I sleep crossword? I'm saying it makes more sense than the alternative.
I get what you're doing.
What am I doing? You refuse to have hope that you'll see Elena again so you don't have to be disappointed.
I refuse to have hope because there's nothing to hope for.
Pork rinds.
Not on the list and eww.
No, Damon.
There were pork rinds here on this shelf.
There have been pork rinds here on every shopping trip we've had for the past 4 months.
You hear that? Hmm.
You hear that, Damon? That's what hope sounds like.
This hospital thing, it's a whole new look, huh? Yeah.
Apparently this color disguises all bodily fluids that I could get covered in throughout the day.
So far, it's been mostly observation, but I don't know I love it there.
Seeing sick people getting better, it's inspiring.
You seem different.
You seem, um, happier.
And you? Are you happy? Caroline filled me in a little bit.
Oh.
About the, uh, dinner party from hell.
Her exact words actually.
And in between the ranting, she may have mentioned something about a new job and a new girlfriend.
Ivy, right? Is it Ivy? Stefan, it's fine.
Seriously.
It's not weird, I promise.
I'm just happy to finally see you again, you know? It's been really rough losing Bonnie the last couple of months Which is an incredibly insensitive thing to say to somebody who just lost their brother.
I'm I'm sorry.
No.
I've been working on the healing thing, too, I guess.
Hey.
Uh, by the way, have you, uh, heard from Caroline? She's not returning any of my calls, and I really want to apologize for the way I acted.
Well, she'll be there at the swimming hole today.
You should come.
No, no.
I'm not sure I'm ready to dive back into all that.
No pun intended.
Stefan, they're your friends, too.
Come on.
I know that we can't hang out at the grill anymore, but that doesn't mean we can't all spend time together.
Come on, please.
If not for that, then at least to convince Caroline that Enzo is not new best friend replacement material.
Will Enzo be there? Yeah, but I can easily uninvite him.
- I'd rather you come.
- No.
Don't worry about it.
Um - Yeah.
Maybe I'll stop by.
- Great.
Do you understand the rules? Yeah.
Rule one Don't mention Elena was madly in love with Damon, or you'll kill me.
Mm-hmm.
Rule two don't really reference Damon at all, or you'll kill me.
Yeah.
- Rule 3 wear sunscreen - Don't make fun of me.
It's important that we let Elena live her new happy, problem-ignoring zombie life the way she wants.
A sentence which sounded oddly supportive and judgmental.
I support her.
She did what she needed to do to stop chomping on innocent people on the road, but it doesn't mean that I'm enjoying marinating all alone in my misery.
Well, I'll marinate with you.
I appreciate it.
Really, I do.
But I'm not Stefan.
Rule number 4 don't ever mention that jerk's name again, or Or you'll kill me.
Got it.
Whoa! Is that blood or pie? Please say pie.
Oh.
That would be, uh Shirley, a special off-the-menu item.
This little diner is surprisingly well-stocked.
Tell me that you snatched, ate, erased.
Funny thing about that.
You do the first two properly, the third isn't necessary.
- You killed her? - Oh, don't act all shocked.
Well, I'm sorry, but death shocks me, and it also leads to a missing persons report, - which leads to - A sheriff's investigation? I'm terrified.
I already have 3 warnings.
One more, it's a fine.
It's got to be a short, faulty wiring, something.
Or someone put a quarter in it and turned it on.
You know, I'm a little confused with all this misplaced hope.
All right.
Let's just say there's someone here.
How do you know we're gonna get out? Well, you say that this is your hell, right? If there's someone else here, that means it's not your hell, and if it's not your hell, that means grams put us here, and if grams put us here, there's a way out.
There's a hell of a logic knot you've tied for yourself.
Thank you.
So now that we've properly placed our hope, let's play a game.
When we get out, what's the first thing you're gonna tell Elena? Sorry I killed Bonnie, but she was the most annoying person in the world.
She wouldn't shut up.
She just kept talking.
I mean, it's a wonder I made it as long as I did, but here's the thing.
I think it's better this way because she didn't have magic, and she was pretty much useless.
- Damon.
- What? I don't know.
You still think I'm useless? That's my car.
That's my car! She's determined but sweet, eternal optimist, never forgets a birthday.
What else? Never gives up on her friends.
Yes.
True.
She's completely loyal.
This is good.
Build her up.
I'm sure she'll live up to these ridiculously high expectations.
That's another one.
Great at surpassing expectations.
- So she's perfect.
- Totally.
Pretty much.
So how long have you two been together? Us? No.
I'm we're heh.
We're not, but, I mean, we did at one point Not anymore.
Was that recent? Because you two seem weirdly functional.
Has it already been two years? Time flies.
Vrrrmm, vrrrmm! How much longer are we gonna listen Shh, shh, shh, shh.
This sound is the opposite sound of your voice, and I so enjoy it.
How did it even get here, Damon? Did you leave it here in 1994? I don't know, Bonnie.
It was 18 years ago.
Has a lot going on that day.
Ok.
So you admit that it's pretty unlikely that you did.
Very unlikely.
Which would stand to reason that Someone may have put it here, Bonnie.
Yes.
I Damon I know.
I'm gonna tell Elena how much I love her, and then I'm gonna apologize for killing you.
Wait.
Did you see that? I did that time.
Let's go meet our little friend.
So is a lake different from a swimmin' hole, or Swimming hole.
Thanks for making me sound like a redneck.
Why? Where did you party in High School? Oh.
Somebody's house or second house, whichever had the biggest pool.
Huh.
I guess I do brag.
Yup.
Now it's my turn to brag because I bet nobody at your pool parties could do this.
Ahem.
Um, ahem.
Jeremy? Oh, my God.
Elena.
Sorry to interrupt what I'm sure was a heartfelt display of true love, but I'm Jeremy's sister, and we were about to have a nice little family chat.
That's why I'm an happy orphan.
You invited the girl that I attacked? No.
I brought the girl Caroline compelled to forget you attacked.
She doesn't know anything.
- Jer, why would you even risk it? - Because she looks good in a bikini.
Can I go now? Yeah.
I may be driving, but if you puke in my truck, I'm gonna kill you.
You know, dog bite girl's kind of hot in, like, a trashy way, though.
Why do you keep calling her that dog bite girl? Because it's ridiculous.
What kind of dog bites you in the neck.
I don't know, man I've seen some pretty vicious dogs.
What's up, Ty? I just got a text from Elena.
She wants to see us.
Hold on.
Are you telling me that you think a girl with two puncture wounds in her neck got bit by a dog? I think if that's what she said then that's what happened.
Then you're an idiot.
And you're a wasted douchebag.
We all have faults.
You want to say that a little louder? Jay, back off.
No, no, no.
I think you just called me a douchebag.
I just want to make sure.
Whoa, Jay! Jay, what you're doing right now, definition of a douchebag.
Heh.
Simmer.
I'm just playing.
You guys want beers? Yeah.
Sorry.
Hey.
It's Stefan.
Leave a message.
Yeah.
Not answering is one of his new things.
He said he was here to apologize.
Lying.
Also one of his new things.
Stefan has a lot of new things.
Hey.
Have you guys seen Stefan? I didn't even know he was back.
So you want to fill us in on what we're doing here? You don't remember this place? We used to sneak off here and get wasted while our parents were outside grilling.
Granted, we all have a few less parents, but we can still have fun.
Actually, I can't.
I'm working on my rage issues, and this wouldn't help.
My buddy's wasted, and I've got to train in the morning, so Ok.
Well, I don't want to sound like an alcoholic, but I do want a shot, so will someone do one with me? Done! - Bottoms up.
- Mmm! Well Here we are, having fun.
I'm having fun.
Aren't we having fun? This is really fun.
Ok.
Clearly, this was a big mistake.
I just wanted to spend one afternoon where we pretend for just one second like we're not all drifting apart.
Well, that's the problem, Elena.
Not all of us are ok with pretending.
Some of us prefer to face our problems head-on.
- I think we should go.
- Yeah.
What's going on? I'm just lonely, ok? And Bonnie's gone, Stefan's gone.
Enzo shocker Terrible, murderous friend.
I'm still here, Car.
Yeah.
You're still here.
Here take another shot and Ok.
Not so much.
- It was behind the pickup.
- No.
It was in the front.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Absolutely I'm sure.
It was right there.
It was a tarp.
We saw a tarp.
And that that is on a timer.
That turned on by itself.
But your car.
I left it here in '94.
- And the crossword? - You filled it out, Bonnie.
Which means we're alone in my own hell with no grams escape hatch.
We're never getting out.
- Give me your ring.
- What? Give me your ring.
All I've heard you say is that you have no hope and that this is your hell, so if it's so bad, why don't you just end it? Hope is the only thing keeping me going, Damon, so if you're really done, if you have none, then be done because this isn't helping.
Rough day, huh, Damon? Sorry.
Manners.
I'm Kai.
Nice to meet you.
Pork rind? So you're sure you're ok to find your way back home? Sorry.
My friend Caroline's having a bit of a crisis.
It's been a rough couple of months for her.
She's normally really sweet.
Actually, I'm glad I didn't meet her because then it would have been awkward when I did this.
Heh.
Kissing a girl who's trying to set you up with her best friend? Red flag.
Maybe.
I have a sneaking suspicion that's your type.
That was Caroline's ice.
Yeah.
Well, you'll be dead, so I think she'll let you off the hook.
I don't want to kill you, Stefan.
Unh! But it looks like he did.
I thought I told Enzo to go get more ice.
Did you do it in that tone? Because I think I know why he didn't.
Congratulations.
Now it's your job.
Go get ice.
Aren't we supposed to be having fun? Is that why you brought your latest fling in a series of sad attempts to pretend like you don't care about Bonnie To have fun? Right.
Cavalry's on their way, so why don't we put a pin in our little spat till this all gets sorted, eh? No, thanks.
You've got to be bloody kidding me.
I just saved your life.
So you can give me a lifetime full of misery.
Well, that's fine.
I'm just gonna shorten the lifetime.
Stefan.
Good news, Caroline.
I thwarted a vampire hunter.
Bad news Stefan has become a vampire hunter.
What are you doing? Why don't you ask him? What did you do? That is gonna have to stop.
Oh, you think this is annoying? Hmm.
Try listening to you and Bonnie bicker every 5 minutes.
- So you've been following us.
- Of course I have.
You two are the closest thing I have a to a TV.
I mean, you're no "Baywatch," but - Remember "Baywatch"? - No, I do not.
Oh.
Oh, man, you got to watch it.
You like lifeguards, like Hot ones? This has been a monumentally bad day in a sea of bad days, so I'm gonna need to know who you are, what you're doing here, and how it relates to me, or I'm gonna rip your throat out.
Temper's gonna get you in trouble, Damon.
It's already driven Bonnie away how many times? Oh, oh, oh, wait.
I know.
13.
You think my temper's bad with her? I like her.
You not so much.
Ok.
Ok.
Sorry.
Seriously.
I'm just kind of rusty on the face-to-face type human interactions.
Answers now.
Maybe you should have a drink.
That usually calms you down.
Thanks.
Then makes you angry, then sad, then calm again.
It's a weird cycle, and look, if you really want to know the reason I'm following you, it's because I want to kill you.
Vervain in your bourbon.
Who didn't see that one coming? Who buys patio furniture from a grocery store? I mean, somebody must.
Otherwise, it it wouldn't be here, but now I'm a little unfamiliar with vampires, but from what I've gathered, a stake in the heart should do it, right? Aah! You can always fight dirty, Damon.
Like that time you and Bonnie played monopoly and you stole from the bank.
Not cool.
- I'm gonna rip your head off.
- No.
You're not.
I didn't know which bottle you'd take, so I vervained them all.
Stay away from him.
The useless one is here.
Thank God.
I've watched you try to do magic for months now.
What are you gonna do, fail at me? It's embarrassing.
I'm embarrassed for you.
Uh-oh.
Run.
Phesmatos.
Incendia.
Ok.
Ok.
Ok.
Giving up so soon? I'm embarrassed for you.
Sorry I called you the most annoying person in the world.
I hadn't met him yet.
Whoa.
Was that always dented? What the hell does it matter? It's a keg.
Liv lent them to me man.
Oh, is that when you lent Liv your manhood? Just lift the damn thing.
Actually, don't.
I'm in desperate need of an empty truck bed.
Isn't this your friend Jay? What the hell did you do? I avoided the stake he planned to fire at Stefan and me.
Stake? Ah.
You didn't realize your friend was a vampire hunter? Well, you do now.
No.
No, no.
That's not possible.
Yes, it is, and as much as I'd like to watch you process what I'm sure is a dreadful revelation, I need to bury the body.
Get out of here.
Stefan! Stop, ok? I am sorry.
- I did not know about Ivy, but - But what? What? I was fooling myself, I was using her as an escape? Yeah, I know what you think, Caroline.
Well, actually, I was gonna say, "but killing Enzo won't bring her back.
" No, but it will stop him from reminding me of my brother.
I kill him, I can leave this place, and I can start over again.
So that's why you left all those messages on my phone, promising apologies.
That's why you visited Elena, that's why you came to this party, just to kill Enzo and start over? Yep.
I don't believe you.
I know that a part of you misses this place and these people, your friends.
I know that being back here reminds you how much we need you, how much I need you, but if I'm wrong, then go ahead.
Just go.
Start over, but, God, if I'm right, if just a little part of you came back to check on Elena, who's had an unbearable 4 months, or Alaric, who just came back from the dead, or me If even just a small, little part of you came back to check on me Then stay.
Hey.
Weren't you getting ice? I was till I realized how mean that girl was to me.
- How? - Um, I have self-respect.
It may have taken me till I was halfway to the sip and serve to realize it, but I have it.
Wait.
Halfway to the sip and serve? Where is that specifically? I don't know.
Right around route 13 when you get into Mystic Falls.
Sorry about your warm booze.
- Have you guys seen Sarah? - No.
Why? - There's no ice.
- I think you'll live, Jer.
Caroline compelled that girl to go get ice.
She didn't.
Well, why not? Is she on vervain? No.
She had to go into Mystic Falls to get it.
- She had to cross the border.
- Compulsion is magic.
Which means that every memory you compelled away came back, so Sarah, the girl you attacked and you compelled Knows what I am.
You're awake.
Good.
Now for the Q&A portion of the evening.
Let me guess.
I answer right, I get a pork rind.
Wrong, I get a poker.
What? No, no, no.
These are for me.
You just get the poker.
- Yeah.
You don't have to do that.
- No? - We're on the same team.
- Really? Do you always try and kill your teammates? The important thing is that you have your magic back.
It worked.
What, you you didn't really think I'd kill Damon, did you? Heh heh.
In what universe does that make sense? Who would kill 1/3 of our population? I'm not a monster.
I knew Bonnie would show up.
She always comes back, all 13 times, and I knew with the right motivation she'd be able to access her magic, although I-I did get a little worried with all your bickering that Damon's life wouldn't be enough motivation, but turns out it was.
I guess that's just how you two show your love.
So you did all that just to make sure I would have my magic? Of course I did.
Because your magic is the key to getting the hell out of here.
Maybe this is an isolated thing.
Jay could be working alone.
Yeah.
Maybe Jay, who I've known since I was 10, somehow became a vampire hunter on his own.
I'm such an idiot.
I spent all summer training with a founding family member, thinking that he was only worried about protecting old ladies from getting mugged.
Because this is how I wanted to spend my saturday night.
Load them up.
What the hell happened to your truck anyway? It's a little complicated.
I got this, dude.
I'll see you in a bit.
Sad jocks are kind of like sad clowns, you know, they're pathetic but kind of hilarious.
Not in the mood, Liv.
Uh-oh.
That sounded like a threat.
No.
Just a request.
Oops.
Is this what you want? You want to see my break? You're right.
I'm sorry.
It's just easier for me if you're an aggressive unlikable dick.
Why? So I don't have to worry about falling for you.
I checked every room.
Sarah is gone, and it looks like she trashed the place.
Oh, ok, ok.
Where Caroline and I will, uh, go out and search near the border then.
I'll keep looking in town.
I'll call you if I find anything.
So I was just gonna leave my clothes here while we look, if that's ok.
Yeah.
Of course.
I also was thinking that, you know, if there are vampire hunters on the loose then living alone right by their home base is probably not a good idea.
Is this an official unpack? Because your moving methods are just so confusing.
Yes, this is an official unpack.
Ha! I'm sorry I got mad at you earlier.
Sometimes, it just seems like you have this secret way to move on.
- Is this - Bonnie's? Yeah.
There you go.
You just discovered my secret to moving on.
Sometimes, I don't.
I miss Bonnie.
I miss Mystic Falls, I miss our old life, - I miss - Stefan? Yeah.
I miss Stefan.
Caroline You and Stefan Do you have feelings for him or something? Yeah, I think maybe I did.
Well, we should go ahead and find that girl before she outs us.
Rough night? Ahh.
Nothing a piece of pie can't fix.
Service would be lovely, though.
My fault.
Sorry.
I sent everyone home for the night.
Can't have you killing any more of the wait staff.
Unh! Consider being more discreet when you feed.
You never know whose eyes are watching.
I bet this normally works, doesn't it? Knocks vampires right out.
See, I'm a bit different than a normal vampire.
I can fight the vervain, not for long, but Long enough to take care of you.
I found this on one of your guys.
I think he killed him, though.
- Who are you? - Stefan Salvatore.
You and I have something in common.
One of the founding families.
Thank you.
Actually If you don't mind, I have my own way I like them to die.
Just make sure it's painful.